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Group helps gay Latinos with their struggles

Monday, March 10, 2008
(Updated Wednesday, June 4 - 12:45 am)

GREENSBORO — Faustino Hernandez seemed to be a happy person.

He had a good job, a nice home and many friends. He was the life of a party, a generous guy who'd buy his friends a round of drinks.

Jesus Sanches says Hernandez was also the kind of guy who tried to make people feel better, if they were down.

"He would say, 'Don't worry. I'm going to make a party for you,'" Sanches recalls. "He wanted to make everybody happy. But he didn't feel like that."

Hernandez, 33, was found dead in his home last year. A suicide note said that he had nothing to live for. He left instructions to send his body to an aunt in Mexico.

Hernandez, who was gay, felt unloved and isolated because his family disapproved of his sexual orientation, Sanches says.

His death left Sanches wanting to help other gay Latinos struggling with their sexuality. Earlier this year, he helped start Luz y Esperanza, a support group for gay Latinos. In Spanish, the name of the group means "light and hope."

The group, which meets weekly at FaithAction International House, is sponsored by the Mental Health Association in Greensboro. The agency offers several other Spanish-speaking support groups through its Latino Mental Health Awareness Campaign. Stress caused by immigration, domestic violence and depression are often issues they discuss.

Kristina Johnson, who coordinates the campaign, says all of the groups provide a safe setting for participants to talk with others sharing similar struggles. Facilitators there try to direct them toward resources that can help them, such as therapy or medical intervention.

Johnson says support groups are designed to put the client at the center of their own recovery.

"They learn they're not alone. There are concrete things they can do," Johnson says. The other members of the group also reinforce that, she says.

Sanches, a facilitator for Luz y Esperanza, wants so much to help others that he even offers transportation to the meetings. When the Spanish-language newspaper Que Pasa ran a story about the group, Sanches received numerous phone calls about it.

"Every day, somebody calls me about the support group," he says.

Sometimes he talks for hours to people who may not know him, but feel they have nowhere else to turn. Some people want to tell their family that they are gay, but don't know how, Sanches says.

Others just want someone to talk to. It's a role Sanches is accustomed to filling.

Hernandez frequently called him in tears. If he was around other gay people, Hernandez was happy.

But at work, or if alone, he felt ostracized. His family in Mexico no longer communicated with him after he told them he was gay. In a culture that emphasizes traditional male and female roles, parents typically don't embrace homosexuality.

"They think that it is terrible for a son or daughter to be gay or a lesbian," Sanches says.

Hernandez also experienced rejection from an American family he'd been close to in Greensboro.

"He felt like if his family didn't love him, how would anyone love him?" Sanches says.

The last time they saw each other, Hernandez had just bought a new car and talked about decorating his new home. He told Sanches he would have a party soon.

Sanches says Hernandez's family in Mexico never returned phone calls informing them of his wish to be buried there. Sanches doesn't know what happened to Hernandez's body.

The support group in his honor now draws about 10 people, both men and women. Sanches says they are making a difference.

"This support group is good," he says. "Some people are scared. We try to give them some information about how they can tell their families or how they can love themselves."

Participants come with a range of experiences, including those who are married or single. Some are just beginning to question their sexuality; others have suspected they were gay, but tried to suppress it. And some participants talk about abuse they suffered as children.

Yareni De Anda, a student facilitator with an interest in social work or psychology, says their stories are moving.

"Once you realize that there are people who are looking for a group to share their stories and their lives, it's very necessary, very essential for them to have that," she says.

Many of the people in their group aren't openly gay, and even if people suspect they are, it's not discussed. "Since we don't know them, they feel more comfortable sharing their stories," De Anda says.

One person they encouraged to seek professional help now appears less distressed.

"He actually tells us that if we weren't there, he wouldn't know what to do. I feel really good when he calls us to ask if we're going to have a meeting," De Anda says.

Sanches helped organize a drag show and gala in December to inform gay Latinos of the services available to them, including the support group. Another one is planned for Saturday at Greensboro's Fanta­City International Shopping Center. Sanches says the December event, which attracted nearly 500 people, showed him the gay Latino community is much larger than he realized.

Hernandez loved parties and often performed in drag shows. Sanches will think of his friend that night.

Contact Tina Firesheets at 373-3498 or tina.firesheets@news-record.com

Accompanying Photos

Photo Caption: Group helps gay Latinos with their struggles

Want to go?

What: Miss Comunidad Gay Latina 2008 drag show and gala
When: 9 p.m. Saturday
Where: FantaCity International Shopping Center
Cost: $10
Information: Luz y Esperanza meets at 7 p.m. Wednesdays at FaithActional International House, 705 N. Greene St., Greensboro. For information on the show or the support group, call 392-1813 or 373-1402.

ABOUT THE GROUP

The North Carolina Statewide Latino and Hispanic HIV/AIDS Prevention Initiative was established to address the disease's impact on the Spanish-speaking community.

State health officials hope to increase HIV/STD testing in the Hispanic/Latino community and to promote a statewide education and risk-reduction activities campaign.

Triad Health Project, an HIV/AIDS service organization, sponsors a support group for its Latino clients twice monthly.

Information: 275- 1654

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