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Personalization of conflict, as in “If you think that way, there’s not just something wrong with your ideas, there’s something wrong with you,” and one-dimensional, “I’m right, you’re wrong,” unyielding, take-no-prisoners argument, seem to be the political and social currency of the realm these days.

Be it a North Carolina constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage, the right to carry concealed handguns in city and state parks, or requiring a photo ID to vote, we don’t lack issues that can form the grist for dysfunctional, divisive polarization. The pot is further stirred because it is an election year. 

As supposedly rational Americans, we should be embarrassed by the personal attacks and irrelevant sniping by candidates Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich in the recent Florida “debate.” Members of the media should be even more embarrassed by the performance of the “moderator,” Wolf Blitzer, who steered the event away from an examination of pertinent national issues to a reality TV-like sideshow. It may have increased the network’s ratings, but it was much more show business than debate.

Even though Gov. Bev Perdue’s withdrawal has complicated matters, this contentious, mean-spirited, environment does not augur well for our forthcoming gubernatorial contest, or for that matter, for this year’s edition of our county commissioners election. Something’s wrong. We need to stop, look at the process, and find a better way.

What goes around comes around, and we can go back to the ferment of the 1960s to find a mirror. In 1966, Stephen Stills wrote a song that was performed by Buffalo Springfield called “For What It’s Worth.” The lyrics will be familiar to anyone who has seen the movie “Forrest Gump” or likes protest music. Here’s a telling excerpt: “There’s battle lines being drawn, nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong.” Another that fits: “A thousand people in the street, singing songs and carrying signs, mostly saying ‘hurray for our side.’” The ’60s refrain, “Stop children, what’s that sound, everybody look what’s goin’ down,” provides instruction for the political climate of 2012.

We need to stop personalizing differences, separate people’s ideas from their individual value, and honor the opinions of those who hold a different worldview. It may seem a tall order, but it is the essence of civilized discourse and fundamental to our unifying concept of democracy.

A simple but very powerful way to start is to stop putting people down and belittling them for their beliefs. A familiar example is the disparaging comment, “I live in the real world.” This is usually delivered in a condescending, reproachful manner during an argument. What it communicates is that the other person’s worldview is “unreal” and he or she is, therefore, irrelevant. It is guaranteed to result in defensive resistance and is not a foundation for productive engagement. 

We need to select public leaders who understand the difference between task-oriented, productive conflict and interpersonally focused, destructive conflict. They must find ways to overcome the current epidemic of destructive conflict and promote healthy dissent.

The traditional view that conflict must be avoided is a myth. Without conflict, groups and organizations drift into what behavioral scientists call “groupthink” and are more concerned with getting along than rocking the boat, thus shutting down innovation and risk-taking. 

We need to return to the philosophy of pragmatism that underlies our unique and spectacular American success story. Pragmatism, like all philosophical concepts, can become complex and conceptually fragmented but, reduced to its essence, it liberates us from the tyranny of theory and frees us to get things done. The incredible power of our system is that we find ways to not fall on the sword of irreconcilable differences but have the ability to compromise and accomplish great things. 

In Stills’ prophetic lyrics, we here in Greensboro and in this great nation need to “stop,” hear “that sound,” and “look what’s goin’ down.” What’s goin’ down is that we must stop personalizing conflict and devaluing differences.

We need to find ways to eliminate the polarizing gridlock caused by our inability to create practical options for compromise.

We need to select leaders who understand the power and promise of pragmatism as articulated by the uniquely American philosophers John Dewey and William James. The stakes are high, and if we don’t stand back, hear that sound and look what’s goin’ down, our collective future is at risk.

David Noer (dnoer@elon.edu) writes about leadership, organizational behavior and community issues.