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Some marriages fall apart and some are driven apart.

The difference may be the influence of a third person, who can pay a heavy price for the damage done.

A Guilford County jury fixed that price at $9 million in a case the News & Record's Jennifer Fernandez reported last week.

The story went national and sparked emotional debate on our Web site. Some of the comments drew on painful personal experience.

"I was cheated on during my marriage," a woman calling herself "unavailable" wrote on my blog. "Although I would love to take the easy road out and blame the 'other woman,' my husband's choices were not her fault. If we had been truly happy and satisfied in our marriage he would not have strayed. ... Women should not be held responsible for any man's weakness or inability to control himself!"

Despite that sentiment, North Carolina is one of a handful of states where a spouse can bring an "alienation of affection" suit against someone who allegedly contributes to the destruction of the marriage. While this is an old -- some say archaic -- action, it's very much alive in our courts. And, judging from all the interest following last week's eye-opening $9 million award, more cases may be on the way. There are a lot of people around who think they have grounds to sue.

That may generate more business for lawyers, but it's a sad commentary on today's state of affairs. The components of a healthy marriage -- love, trust and fidelity -- too often are cast aside. In the wreckage, people are hurt.

The issue here is what recourse the damaged party has. While he or she usually can lay claim to a share of marital property in a divorce agreement, that kind of settlement is the same whether the marriage falls apart of its own weaknesses or is driven apart by a third party. Shouldn't there be something more punitive in cases of outside intervention?

The National Football League enforces rules against "tampering" by one team trying to lure a player who's under contract to another team. What's wrong with rules against tampering with someone's marriage? Isn't that worth as much as a football player's contract?

"A marriage is an institution that helps the state, as well as providing stability for any children," "jgisme" wrote on my blog. "And a third party should know better. This law gives a potential third party one additional reason to stay away! If that man found his marriage so bad, why didn't he divorce his wife? Is that so hard?"

Fair question. A provision in state law added just last year prohibits an alienation of affection action based on events that occur after a husband and wife separate, if either party intends that separation to be permanent. So all a husband or wife has to do before commencing an affair is move out. But that would require being honest with his or her spouse.

Truthfulness can be hard to find, as a comment from "anonreader" illustrates:

"I was involved in a situation where the guy was dishonest with me. I met him via online dating. Normally I won't date separated men, but since there was so much in common, I made an exception. I asked about whether or not he and his wife had agreed to see other people during the separation, explaining that I didn't want to be part of cheating or infidelity. He said they had agreed to. After three months, I figured out he was lying. And promptly kicked him to the curb."

Good for her. More people should not "want to be part of cheating or infidelity." Why should anyone? Isn't life complicated enough without getting mixed up with someone who's already attached?

As "Belle" sensibly stated on my blog, "There really was a simpler solution to all of this mess: Don't cheat."

At least "BetterLife," who said last week's story resonated with her, has made peace with her experience:

"My ex insisted that he didn't have an affair but then required that language be included in our separation agreement barring me from suing anyone for alienation of affection. I knew that he did have an affair but I didn't pursue (a suit) because

"a) it would have been harmful to my children,

"b) she didn't have assets to pay a judgment,

"c) I needed to move my life past this hurtful past and focus on the positive, and

"d) he's made his bed and now has to lie in it. It appears the new marriage has lost a bit of its shine."

Yes, in one way or another, we can always hope there will be a price to pay for bad behavior.

Contact Doug Clark at dgclark@news-record.com or 373-7039.