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Writing about prostate cancer is as much fun as writing about toothaches.

I’ve had several teeth that ached but only one problematic prostate gland.

During my toothache days, the options were clear – “pull ’em or drill ’em.” I didn’t know it at the time, but my dentist wrestled professionally. He went by Hammer-lock Al on Saturday nights.

Al was responsible for my option of “watchful waiting” for early dental care. This worked fine until I started courting and needed to make big smiles.

The “watchful waiting” gambit came up again as a treatment option for prostate cancer. Contemporary prostate cancer treatment comes in versions of “slice, dice, freeze or fry.”

Remembering I had only one prostate, I searched for information about treatment options.

Let’s assume you are at Point A (cancerous prostate gland) and wish to reach Point B (cancer-free prostate gland). There are several routes by which you can travel!

Route No. 1, “Slice or dice,” is known in doctor-speak as the prostatectomy route. It has three lanes – open, laparoscopic or robotic. The road is sometimes bouncy but is arguably the route most traveled.

“Freeze or fry” is Route No. 2, cryosurgery or various versions of radiation. This route is less invasive and has almost the same number of travelers as route No. 1.

Not all travelers on either route reach their destination. This is especially true if the cancer has escaped the prostate gland.

Now we’re back to Route No. 3, “watchful waiting.” While it could be the best option for some, it is the only treatment option for others.
For the wishful, watchful waiting is little more than a grass-is-greener paradigm of health care denial. Russian roulette and watchful waiting are in the same league. The Marine Corps version of this thought process is called “trust.”

Try selling your dentist on the proposition that your cavities probably won’t get worse and may even heal themselves.

I suspect watchful waiters also expect to win the lottery. Watchful waiters may be as oxymoronic in prostate cancer treatment as they are in high-priced restaurants.

Since I have a perfect lottery record (I have never purchased a losing ticket), I briefly considered Route No. 3 as my prostate cancer treatment of choice. I don’t know a lot about nanoseconds, but no more than two could have passed before my decision was made.

Typical watchful waiting sound bites are listed below, if you come to this point in selecting your route:
• Your PC may be slow growing.
• You could die with PC rather than from PC.
• The testing and treatment of PC is sometimes worse than PC itself.
• Very few actually die from PC.
• PC is often overdiagnosed and treated unnecessarily.
• Why burden yourself with the anxiety that you have PC?
• And finally, this isn’t Sears, Roebuck & Co. There is no satisfaction-guaranteed version of prostate cancer treatment.

Do you remember the brouhaha caused by a government breast cancer think tank that recommended watchful waiting to women under 50?

Too bad men don’t think with the same side of their brain.

Although successful prostate cancer treatment is an inexact science, prostate cancer, itself, is sadly predictable. One of six men in your family will encounter prostate cancer. If one does, chances for the others double.

If two men in your family have prostate cancer, the rate for the others is quintupled. When three have prostate cancer, the chances for the others developing prostate cancer grows exponentially.

If anything, prostate cancer is familial. Glean this and much more at ustoo.org.

Unless you are a speed reader, two men have been diagnosed with prostate cancer as you’ve read this article. More than 30,000 American men will die from prostate cancer this year.

What’s a man to do? Expert opinion and prostate cancer don’t go together, but early diagnosis via PSA tests is the gold standard so far.

Men should know at least two things about their PSA score — baseline and progression.

That said, just as thousands of women die from breast cancer each year, having had regular mammograms, thousands of men who know all about their PSA will die from prostate cancer.

Bottom line — compared to prostate cancer — toothaches are a piece of cake.

Contact Harry Thetford at htthetford@aol.com