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It's that time again. Days are short, nights are cold. The holiday season is upon us, but I'm struggling to conjure up the requisite cheer and optimism. I don't think I'm alone in my attempt to reconcile the spirit and promise of the winter solstice-oriented holidays (Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanza) with some of the horrible things we do to each other.

This year we will forgo the community gift list that has been somewhat of a tradition in this column and view a Christmas tree that represents the pain and the promise of the holidays for each of us and our community.

Our tree does not have bulbs. The only decorations are tears. There are many of them and the boughs of our tree bend under their weight. Although just the tip of the iceberg, we will only look at three that have a connection to our city and state.

-- The first tear is distilled from the shame and outrage for the rape and murder of a 5-year-old girl, Shaniya Davis. Mario McNeill is charged with taking her to a motel in Sanford, raping her and dumping her body on a back road. Her mother, Antoinette Davis, is charged with trafficking in child prostitution. Five-year-old girls believe in Santa, the tooth fairy, and radiate joy, hope, innocence and spontaneity.

What happened to Shaniya is an abomination, and my initial fantasy was to pass out a dozen Louisville Sluggers to the parents of 5-year-old girls, lock McNeill and Davis in a padded room, and let justice be delivered. But then I looked up to the top of the tree and saw the star. It was dim and the illumination faded in and out, but it persevered. It stood for redemption and reconciliation, and I began to think the baseball bat solution might say as much about me as my victims.

-- The second tear is for a 3-month-old puppy that has since been named Susie. Lashawan Whitehead, who is allegedly suffering from mental health problems, severely beat and burned the puppy. She was found in Greenfield Park with third-degree burns over 60 percent of her body along with broken teeth and a broken jaw.

When properly treated, dogs are indeed "man's best friend." They give their owners unconditional trust and positive regard. As a dog owner (somewhat to the chagrin of my publisher, I included my wife's cocker spaniel in the acknowledgments for my recent book) and someone who cried during the ending of the movie "Marley & Me," I am outraged by the abuse of innocent animals. My initial response was to render on to Whitehead what he rendered on to Susie. But, again, there is that star. Whitehead has a small child and, if he is mentally ill, should his affliction be cause for punishment?

As much as I'm tempted to wish for physical revenge, the star tells me I'm better than that, life is more than that, and that the beliefs and values that underlie this holiday season stand for more than that.

-- The last tear from among the many weighing down our tree is in remembrance of a tragic event that began in a Greensboro convenience store in 2006 and ended with the life sentence of Raytheon Williams last month. Williams was convicted of blowing away Satwinder Singh with a shotgun and leaving him to bleed to death in front of his 13-year-old son during a robbery that financially only netted him a share of the approximate $500 take.

According to an accomplice, the killing wasn't necessary, but Williams wanted to enhance his status in his gang. As a result of Williams' sociopathic quest for street credibility, a hardworking member of our community lost his existence and an impressionable adolescent lost a father and gained deep emotional scars.

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There are only three presents under our tree. One is large and gaudily wrapped; the other two are small and plain. The large one is filled with vindictiveness, anger and retribution. It is addictive; it makes us feel good but doesn't solve the root problems. Worse yet, the more we partake of the contents, the dimmer the star shines. We need to resist the seductiveness of that gift.

The small second gift contains three seeds. The first is the seed of responsible parenting. When planted, a twig sprouts and we have the opportunity to live out the adage, "As the twig is bent, so grows the tree." We need to bend the twig toward respect for others, socially acceptable values and self-discipline. The second seed is labeled role-modeling. When planted, it results in parents who walk their talk, focus on helping their children resist the myriad temptations in today's world, and ground their development with consistent discipline, love and respect.

The third seed is education. Not all children are equally gifted, but almost all have the ability to learn. Education is not just a route to a job; it is the key to healthy self-esteem and a focus on helping, not destroying, our social system. If we are to save future generations of innocent children, protect trusting animals and reduce senseless, sociopathic violence, the key lies in the seeds in this box.

The small third gift can only be opened after we have planted, cultivated and harvested the seeds in the second box. It contains the true stuff of the holiday season: transformation, forgiveness and redemption. The contents of this gift have the capacity to make the star on our tree glow with such intensity that it can change not just our city and state, but the entire world.

David Noer (dnoer@elon.edu) writes a monthly column for the News & Record on leadership, organizational behavior and community issues.