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For the first time in 19 years (counting preschool and college and all those grades in between), I didn’t send a child off to school. Consequently, for the last two weeks my thoughts have been preoccupied with thoughts of school days — specifically words.

If you’ve ever had a child in school, you know what I’m talking about — spelling words, vocabulary words, SAT words … oh, yes, and bad words.

I clearly remember the first discussion we had about bad words. While listening to the radio, my son and I heard the “N” word glorified in a song. I quickly decided this was a “teaching moment” and informed my son that he should never ever in any circumstance use that word. In return, he told me he had already heard the word — at school. We discussed who had said it and what would most likely happen to him should he ever call someone by that name.

I felt like that parenting session went well.

However, that was just one word down; we had many more to go.

When he was 7, we ventured to Boston to visit my sister. In the airport parking lot, we heard two men bantering as they put their luggage in their car. Honest to goodness, every third word was the “F” word.

That time, Drew asked me if the men were angry, and my sister explained to him that they simply had developed a bad habit of using a very bad word.

Boy, was she ever right. Our family’s walking tour of the Freedom Trail took us through the North Side of Boston (the site of the Old North Church and the start of Paul Revere’s famous ride) and right smack dab into a world where the “F” word was said more than “y’all” is uttered down here.

If your child hasn’t come home from school — or a trip — with a few new words in his vocabulary, just brace yourself. It will happen.
I’m not sure if any parent knows the secret to teaching his or her child not to swear, but I feel certain we’ve all tried … and probably failed.

I remember when my son thought the word “digest” was a dirty word. “Readers Digest” and “Golf Digest” would arrive in the mail and he’d laugh and hide them.

It took us a while before we realized that he equated “digest” with other scatological terms. A cute and harmless mistake on his part.
As parents, I suspect — and hope — we’ve all tried our best to keep our language and our children’s language above reproach … and we’ve all probably failed at that too.

Earlier this summer, I read an article about a woman who substitutes ridiculous terms for swear words. While loading groceries into her car, the paper bag broke spilling her eggs and yogurt and orange juice. Instead of barking out a nasty phrase, she exclaimed “BAKING SODA!” Same initials as an expletive but, oh, such a better effect.

Instead of embarrassing herself in the parking lot, she was met with chuckles. No doubt a few people even picked up on her attempt to avoid a potty mouth. I know the example has stuck with me.

In June, I visited Long Island and realized that a good number of those residents also used the “F” word as a frequent modifier. I think the woman with the silly words has found a solution. I’ve modified it a bit, but you should get the point.

The next time your child comes home with a new “bad” vocabulary word, try this.

For a day or two (however long is necessary to make your point), substitute a silly word for the bad one. Take the “F” word. For the sake of demonstration, let’s say “funny” instead of the expletive and repeat the conversation with your new word.

For example, the men loading luggage at Logan Airport would have sounded something like this:

“Hey Joe, put the funny suitcase in the funny trunk so we can get the funny out of here,” says Tom.

“Funny A! The funny traffic is a nightmare. We’ll never get the funny home,” says Joe.

Now that sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?

Actually, that’s about how the “F” word and other expletives sound to me now. They just don’t make sense.

Gratuitous. That’s how most expletives sound.

Gratuitous. Now there’s a good vocabulary word. Unnecessary, superfluous, redundant. See, with a little practice – and the help of a few good moms and dads to call out spelling words, vocabulary and SAT words, we can all do better.

Contact Cathy Weaver at cweavernr@gmail.com.