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“Mystery”

Father,

You are the mystery

The mind so longs to solve,

Yet

With each discovery,

Is it the heart that does evolve.

— Alaina Odessa

Alaina Odessa recalls arguing with God about what she wanted to keep out of her book of poetry, “Slow Running Honey.”

The book had begun as a journal reflecting her own journey to be closer to God, and she wasn’t prepared to be so brutally honest. But she felt God was urging her to share her words to help other people through struggles.

“When I first started writing the poems, they were journal pieces — I didn’t know the Lord was going to ask me to put them out there,” Odessa said of the entries, which included, “Burning with the shame/Of a daddy who only left his name.”

“I had to fight through that — I was like, you can’t mean this one,” Odessa said of the entries she wanted to leave out. “I was like, people are going to know things about me. Not every 'I’ in there is about me — but people are going to think I’m talking about me even when I’m not.”

Odessa, a former postal service worker in Guilford County, turned to that journal for the things she didn’t want to share with anyone.

But she opened herself up creatively during her journey to be closer to God.

After she earned a bachelor’s degree in child adolescent development at UNCG in 1995 and a master’s degree in human resources at N.C. A&T in 2003 , some expected her to pursue a corporate plan. But last summer, she gave herself permission to pursue her dream of acting. She moved to New York and is enrolled in the William Esper Studio for Acting .

“So many people were like, 'You should have done that when you are a teenager,’ ” said Odessa, now 37. “For me it came later. We can be 70 years old and pursue our dreams. I don’t think people realize that. I want them to know that.”

The book started coming together right before she left. The cover of “Slow Running Honey” (True Vine Publishing) features a caricature of Odessa, with a beehive earring dripping honey down her shoulder.

“I always said to her, 'You need to be a writer; that’s your calling,’ ” said her mother, Jacqueline Bell, who lives in Greensboro. “Moms are always proud, but moms always know, too.”

One of Bell’s favorites is “When I Was a Liar.”

When I was a liar

I was soul tired

The inner conflict ran my mouth ...

It speaks of the cues young people pick up from movies, television and music videos, which she says are lies.

“It’s the video mentality. ... You have sex and then try to figure out how to have a relationship,” Odessa said. “I wrote that poem about when I functioned that way and how sad that was. It was a bad existence.”

Odessa writes of her dysfunctional relationship with her father, who was in and out of her life since childhood. He had been a young father.

“I sought him out,” Odessa said. “He just wanted to add water and have this relationship. I had a lot of questions. I wouldn’t call it a father-daughter relationship now. But I’ve forgiven him, and I’m at peace.”

Odessa, who has had small stage parts, is working on a play she hopes to produce about a Southern family finding Christ in adversity.

She considers media tycoon Tyler Perry, who channeled his experiences into plays, as a “mentor from afar.”

“One of the stories he tells that really inspired me is that he tried so many times and it didn’t look like it was going anywhere, but through prayer he kept hearing, 'Go. Go. Go.’ The failure would be seeds for growth.”

Contact Nancy McLaughlin at 373-7049 or nancy.mclaughlin@news-record.com