news-record.com

Death be not proud, quoth the poet — especially when a flock of messy, noisy Canada geese take up residence in one’s final resting place.

Tired of cleaning up after the birds, the management of Westminster Gardens off Westridge Road this month resorted to a deterrent: loudspeakers that broadcast a “geese in distress” call to scare the waterfowl away.

“Basically, it says, 'Stay away, it’s trouble,’” said James Baron of Service Corp. International, which owns Westminster. “We’re kind of in the stages of what works and what doesn’t.”

So far, the $800 system hasn’t. Observed Monday when the periodic recording reached its squawking, honking, shrieking crescendo from speakers placed near the cemetery office, the Canada geese calmly floated in the water, preening, ducking for an occasional drink, nary a feather ruffled.

But the bigger problem: Residents close to the lake — those residents whose slumber isn’t eternal — are cheesed off by the noise from the speakers.

“It sounds like a chorus of ghouls,” said Ivan Cutler of nearby Tennyson Court. “It’s some sort of aversion therapy, but it’s not working. And why play it in the middle of the night? Geese aren’t nocturnal.”

Baron said all the company can do is try new ways to protect Westminster’s grounds from goose damage.

“Let’s face it. They make a mess,” he said. “I’m a golfer. It’s frustrating when your ball lands in it.”

Contact Lorraine Ahearn at 373-7334 or lorraine.ahearn@news-record.com