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The Founding Fathers missed a chance to strike a blow for liberty when they omitted this clause from the Bill of Rights:

"The right of a citizen to answer a call of nature during a sports event shall not be abridged, nor shall access be denied to a comfort station on grounds of patriotic ceremony."

Had this provision been inserted into the Constitution and scrupulously observed at Yankee Stadium, the city of New York would be at least $22,001 richer today. That's enough to pay Alex Rodriguez's salary for one inning, with enough left over to buy peanuts and crackerjacks for all the Bleacher Creatures, should the city take it upon itself to subsidize the Bronx Bombers.

The Big Apple agreed in federal court to lay out that kind of bread because its minions insisted on throwing Bradford Campeau-Laurion of Queens out of Yankee Stadium while Kate Smith's rendition of "God Bless America" was ringing through the sound system.

Be it noted that Campeau-Laurion was not on the field trying to steal a base off Chien-Ming Wang. He was in the stands trying to sneak in a trip to the rest room. A New York City policeman blocked his path and insisted that he return to his seat and face the music.

I don't know what the cop thought the poor guy should do in the throes of such urgency. The Yankees put Kate Smith on during the middle of the seventh inning, when fans normally take their seventh-inning stretch. That's the perfect time for a fellow to head for the loo and return to his seat before the home team comes to bat. That's an inalienable right guaranteed in the Declaration of Independence, beyond the power even of Kate Smith or Irving Berlin to nullify or abridge.

Where does the Declaration guarantee that right? In that oft-quoted clause about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. You haven't known happiness until you've experienced the relief that comes from releasing a seven-inning accumulation of beer in the privacy of a well-tended rest room.

The Yankees should have turned Jacob Ruppert's plaque to the wall. Old Jake had to be spinning in his grave. It was he who bought the Yankees in 1915 and transformed a bunch of perennial also-rans into the Bronx Bombers -- the most successful franchise in professional sports. It was he who brought Babe Ruth from Boston to New York in 1919, thus inaugurating the Curse of the Bambino against the hated Red Sox. It was he who built the House that Ruth Built.

And what was Jake Ruppert's day job? He owned the Ruppert Brewery! Ruppert Beer was as much a part of baseball as peanuts and Cracker-Jacks. The brand's slogan, "Make mine Ruppert," was as familiar to fans as the umpire's "Play Ball!"

The tradition of baseball and beer was perpetuated under another brand on the "Game of the Day" radio broadcasts during the '40s and '50s, when Falstaff Beer was a regular sponsor and you could hear this jingle during the seventh-inning break:

"Oh stretchhh, stretch, it's the seventh-inning stretch, time to stretch a little bit, so relaxing, you'll admit; best of all, it means refreshment time is here, so let's sing out for Falstaff Beer."

And what was the natural consequence of seven innings of beer and baseball? A rush to the rest room.

I don't remember Kate Smith singing out during the Yankees' golden era, or cops blocking the route to the john.

But things changed after Sept. 11, 2001. "God Bless America," the second National Anthem, was inserted into the stretch, and the Yankee management obviously preferred that fans show due reverence toward the anthem, if not toward Jake Ruppert.

When Campeau-Laurion made his break for the bathroom, the cops and security people stopped him and insisted that he return to his seat. When he refused, he was given the bum's rush.

Campeau-Laurion did what any patriotic American would do under the circumstances. He sued the city. Well, at least the New York Civil Liberties Union sued it in his behalf. The grounds: religious and political discrimination.

One can appreciate the "religious" part of that charge. After all, "God Bless America" does invoke the deity, and the Constitution does not require belief in God as a precondition for attending a ball game or using the bathroom while there.

I'm not sure where the "political discrimination" comes in unless you figure that Campeau-Laurion is a French name and the fan had a right to have them play "La Marseillaise" between innings. But that could lead the Supreme Court down a slippery slope. Suppose the Atlanta Braves should once again make it to Yankee Stadium for the World Series. Would the court approve of a rendition of "Dixie" alongside "God Bless America"? Not on your Confederate Battle Flag!

The way I see it, the court could simply have ruled that every patriot from Bunker Hill to Mazar-i-Sharif has fought for the right of an American citizen to answer the call of nature, regardless of surroundings and regardless of who was singing what.

The Yankees have stated, as part of the settlement with Campeau-Laurion, that they have no restrictions against moving around during the singing of "God Bless America" that do not apply during the rest of the game.

So unless the Yankees intend to lock the loo during the entire nine innings (or extra innings, if applicable) you can listen to Kate Smith from the comfort of the stadium rest room just as freely as you can from the recliner in your home, sweet home.

Readers may write to Gene Owens at 315 Lakeforest Circle, Anderson SC 29625, or e-mail him at Swampscum2@aol.com.