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OPINION

Peggy Longmire: Thanks, substitute moms

Sunday, May 10, 2009
(Updated 2:51 am)

“How thankful I am, how thankful we all must be, for the women in our lives,” is a quote that rings true with me.

Last Mother’s Day, I wrote about my relationship with my mother and daughter, Julie.

This year, I want to honor the substitute mothers and women who have been so important in my life. Perhaps special memories will come to you. You might even want to call someone today and thank them for the important role they played in your life.

There are times in our lives when we yearn for the love and support of our mothers. But that may not be possible because of death, an unfortunate separation such as divorce or a devastating disease such as Alzheimer’s, which is similar to watching a slow death.

Each of us has had unforgettable women in our lives — relatives and friends endowed with particular qualities, perhaps divine qualities, which caused them to reach out in kindness and extend love to us when it was most needed.

As I reflect on this Mother’s Day, some important women who gave me love and support after Mama’s death from a needless hysterectomy in 1951 come to mind.

When Mama died, I was 17 and in high school. She had just turned 46 and seemed in perfect health, but things went wrong with the operation, which caused her kidneys never to function again. She died two weeks after the operation.

My grandmother, a beloved aunt and a sister-in-law helped me through difficult times in my life. I will always love them and honor them.

Although Granny was feeble and had severe bouts of asthma and rheumatoid arthritis at the time of Mama’s death, she came to stay with me and my father. She knew the close bond Mama and I shared and how lonely I would feel to come home from school each day to an empty house. I remember sitting on the side of her bed, the one Mama once slept in, and listening her gentle voice and reassuring love.

Granny’s youngest daughter, my Aunt Helen, was also a role model and loving person. She always treated me like a daughter, and during all the years we knew each other, we never exchanged a cross word. It seemed there was always complete understanding between us.

I especially appreciated her presence and reassuring love after Mama had been taken by ambulance from Wilmington to Duke University Hospital. She could not bring herself to tell me Mama was dying, and I first learned of her death when the New Hanover High School principal called me into his office. That summer, I visited Helen for a couple of weeks in Pensacola, Fla.

We both loved to discuss family history, and in later years, I looked forward to calling her and surprising her with my latest genealogical information, such as going back 500 years into our German ancestry. She attended the weddings of my children and always remembered them and me on special occasions.

One day, when I was grown and had children of my own, a small package came in the mail from her. I was moved to tears when I opened the small black box, which contained a beautiful, engraved gold lady’s watch, (not a wrist watch, but one to wear from a chain or to be pinned on.)

The watch, an antique from about 1899, had been a present to my grandmother from my grandfather, perhaps a wedding gift.

A small note inside with the watch, read: “Peggy, This is the last thing left of Mama’s (my grandmother), and I want you to have it. Please keep it in the family. I love you like a daughter. Mama would want you to have it, too. All my love, Helen.”

At age 89, my beloved Aunt Helen died, and I still miss her.

My sister-in-law, Betty Warren, also impacted my life. I lived with Betty and my brother, Pat, for almost a year in Washington after my father refused to send me back to Woman’s College because he had remarried. We lived in a small apartment, but I felt secure and loved. Betty helped me plan my wedding in Arlington, Va., after giving birth to her daughter, Jan, only a few months earlier. Betty and Pat returned to Wilmington, and later we had wonderful family get-togethers at Wrightsville Beach. My children still say that our summer reunions at the beach are among their happiest memories. They also are mine.

Along life’s journey, I have also had the support of close female friends, such as Bertie Porter, Elizabeth Barrow, Sue Meekins and many church-related friends.

When one’s mother is absent, I believe it is important for women to seek other women as friends for emotional support and identity.

On this Mother’s Day, I thank all the women who have helped me along life’s journey. My mother and those woman who followed in her footsteps as role models gave me their sincere love and friendship, increasing my happiness and fulfillment. I feel blessed.

To nominate a person who has or is making a difference in the lives of others, contact Peggy Longmire at rlongmire@triad.rr.com or 288-9040.
 

Accompanying Photos

Photo Caption: Beloved Aunt Helen wears the cherished antique watch that once belonged to her mother and which she later gave to her niece, Peggy Longmire.

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