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Uprooted: For foster kids, holidays can be wistful

Thursday, November 27, 2008
(Updated 7:06 am)

GREENSBORO - The 11-year-old boy was quiet when he arrived at his new foster home.

He had bounced around foster care before, but maybe this time would be different.

That was a few months ago. Now, he is more at ease in his surroundings, bonding with the other boy in the home, a former foster child who had been adopted.

But the holidays are here, and with them comes a time that can be difficult for even the best-adjusted foster children. Even for those who come from the worst situations, it's still easy to miss familiar surroundings.

Thanksgiving is a time for blessings, but sometimes blessings are mixed.

Homesickness and thankfulness, wrapped up in one.

"It's OK," said Mike, who is thoughtful and soft-spoken and whose real name the Department of Social Services required not be used in this story.

You do miss things, though.

"A little bit," Mike said.

John, who is 12 and whom foster parent Linda Adams adopted, said time makes being uprooted easier.

"I'm used to it by now," said John, also not his real name.

From all appearances, it's a typical suburban home. Skateboards and scooters sit on the porch, a basketball goal in the driveway.

But moving to a new home isn't necessarily easy for the children who arrive there.

Adams, who has been taking foster children into her home for nearly a decade, said it has taken Mike time to get used to his surroundings.

"He came in all quiet. He wouldn't touch a thing," she said. "Now, he is very much all boy."

Adams, a retired teacher, checked into foster parenting after seeing something on television. She had never planned on becoming a foster parent, but she realized this was for her.

"I had planned to travel once I retired," she said. "But this is what I'm doing. It's just as rewarding for me as, hopefully, it is for them."

Adams, who had no children before becoming a foster parent, said Mike has been fitting into his new situation well.

He plays with her son and helps him take care of his pet guinea pig, cleaning the cage.

"I'm just very pleased with how they bonded," she said.

Still, he's going through a lot. Something happened at his home, and he wanted out. Now, he and his siblings are spread out in different homes.

"He hasn't really talked about it," Adams said.

There's no clear rule on how the holidays affect children new to the foster system, said Steve Hayes, assistant director for the Guilford DSS.

Many are escaping terrible situations and entering a stable situation for the first time, he said. But at the same time, it's still not home.

"It's typical that you miss the people you know and love. It's typical that you miss your family," he said. "It can be a sad time."

And it's certainly a time that can add to anxieties that already come with being in foster care.

"I have heard it asked before: 'How will Santa Claus know how to find me?'" Hayes said. "And we make sure that he does."

There's no doubt Thanksgiving will arrive at Mike and John's house.

Adams said the plan involves church in the morning, then either eating out or eating Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house, then finishing up with a trip to the bowling alley.

Both of the kids are excited about Christmas, both planning to ask for video games.

And despite the uncertainties in their pasts, for both, their futures are still wide-open.

John, who said he loves science and math, has big dreams.

"I want to invent something for the greater good of mankind," he said.

Mike, who loves reading and has just gotten interested in the Harry Potter books, has a more specific plan.

He would like to be a furniture maker and knows exactly what kinds of things he'd like to make.

"Things to keep you comfortable and warm," he said.

 

Contact Jason Hardin at 373-7021 or at jason.hardin@news-record.com

 

 

Accompanying Photos

Jerry Wolford (News & Record)

Photo Caption: Linda Adams at her Greensboro home with her adopted son and a child in her foster care. The boys are playing computer games in the background.

Comments

This article has been closed to new comments. Comments are generally closed after 14 days. However, comments may be closed earlier at the discretion of the News & Record.

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alyce3875

November 28, 2008 - 1:18 pm EST

Ms. Adams is such a wonderful foster parent. I appreciate all she does for all the children in foster care in Guilford County. Foster parents are such "unsung heroes" -thank you for a wonderful article.
Alyce Bitticks, Children's Home Society

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