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Ahearn: Toto breaks a leg: The legend behind the curtain

Friday, November 14, 2008
(Updated 5:47 am)

(Editor’s note: Lorraine Ahearn is on leave pending a gut check. In her place appears a conversation with “Wizard of Oz” star Toto, recorded in a traveling edition of James Lipton’s “Inside the Actors Studio.”)

JAMES LIPTON: Good evening, and welcome to this special edition of “Inside the Actors Studio,” broadcast from the stately splendor of the restored Carolina Theatre in downtown Greensboro, North Carolina.

Tonight, in a continuation of our “Drama in the Heartland” series, we hear the voice of another unsung icon who has kept the footlights of American theater burning, far from the stage doors of Shubert Alley and the Great White Way.

And if professionalism and sheer show-must-go-on grit are the definition of a “trouper,” our next guest personifies that term.

Consider his resume: In 20 years as a member of the ensemble cast of “Wizard of Oz,” he has bitten the Cowardly Lion 260 times (including Sunday matinees), survived “Breakfast With Dorothy” meet-and-greets 37 times, pulled the curtain back on 13 different actors cast as the wizard. But most remarkable, in the tradition of the great Ethel Merman, he has never missed a single performance.

Ladies and gentlemen, Toto.

(Applause. Standing ovation.)

TOTO: Oh, my. Oh, my word. You are too kind. Please. Please be seated.

LIPTON: Welcome, Toto.

TOTO: Call me Max. And I hope you don’t mind if I smoke — such a nasty habit — but it calms my nerves. And from the looks of that stack of index cards you’re holding, I’ve got a lot to be nervous about. Ha, ha, ha, (cough, cough, cough.)

LIPTON: Well, first, anyone familiar with regional theater knows there is no more bitter rivalry than between animal stars. Specifically, I refer to this item in “Backstage” in which you called Li’l Mo, feline star of Triad Stage, I quote, “that neutered, mange-ridden, catnip-addled hair ball.”

TOTO: Well, James, let’s dispense with the small talk and get to it, shall we? Ha, ha, ha. (Cough, cough.) Seriously, I never said that. For attribution. This town is big enough for the two of us, and I consider Mo a dear, dear friend. This is one of those phony feuds cooked up by the media.

LIPTON: Truly, though, you have labored in the vineyard without many laurels cast your way.

TOTO: Applause is all the laurel I need. But feel free to toss me an occasional bone, ha, ha, ha. (Cough.)

LIPTON: Speaking of bones, tell us about your dinner theater days.

TOTO: The old chow-n-bow. It was steady work, but I’d rather pull Sarah Palin on the Iditarod and be paid in beef jerky. We’re talking Siberia, sister. Roast beef won’t buy you love.

LIPTON: Yet even though you refuse to compromise artistically — it’s common knowledge that you turned down “The Shaggy Dog” remake as well as a supporting role in “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” — you have managed to do what many Equity actors don’t: live off live theater. Did you ever worry about being typecast?

TOTO: Never. Toto is all things to all people. Besides, I’ve played my share of heavies and psychopaths, back in the Pam Grier days. As Old Yeller used to say, “Any role that doesn’t require foaming at the mouth is a plum role.” But Yeller was a pro. He could foam on cue.

LIPTON: Who inspired you?

TOTO: Well, Rin Tin Tin — that’s a no-brainer. Lassie, of course. Mignon from “Green Acres,” a huge talent. But I gotta tell you, for me it was Terry, the original Toto who played opposite Garland. She was tough but had this vulnerable quality. She was so... so canine... (Sniffle.)

LIPTON: I see a tender side to Toto, under that hard-boiled exterior.

TOTO: Guilty as charged. I promised myself I wouldn’t do this...

LIPTON: Any advice for young dogs breaking into the business?

TOTO: Times are tough, and you have to get your name around. Don’t turn your nose up at Purina commercials. Animal Planet is always looking for talent. So be ready. Keep your 8-by-10s and your shots up to date. Because as Dorothy has often told me, “I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

LIPTON: This is the part of our show where we ask: What is your favorite word?

TOTO: Bravo.

LIPTON: Your least favorite word?

TOTO: Heartworms.

LIPTON: Finally, if heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?

TOTO: “All dogs this way. Cats down below.” You watching, Li’l Mo?

Contact Lorraine Ahearn at lorraine.ahearn@news-record.com

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