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Trading places: a dog's life

Wednesday, August 13, 2008
(Updated 3:00 am)

This week, Linda Vestal's dog, Bayley has stepped in to write her column.

Dear Christopher,

This is your loving dog, Bayley.

While you were away at Memaw's house this afternoon, I decided to find out what it was like to be you for the day. You always look like you are having fun, while all I get to do is sit and watch from the floor below.

I jumped up onto your bed. As I lay down in this forbidden land I found myself getting comfortable on top of your favorite, now tattered, green shirt. I snuggled in real good. The shirt smells like me now. I think you'll like the improvement I made and agree it's better than ever before.

I saw that you had a football game already in progress on your Nintendo DS. I finished it for you. By the way, you lost. A puppy is no match against a Carolina Panther.

I also decided to check on your virtual puppies in your Nintendogs game. Your golden retriever and dachshund needed a walk, so I helped you out. Did that fireman's hat I found on one of the walks mean anything to you? I sold it back to the store in the game and got you a little cash.

Your virtual dogs also seemed to be quite filthy, so you might want to give them baths when you get home. Just don't get any silly ideas about including me in that activity here in the real world.

After playing with your game system a little while, I decided I should check out the Dog Fancy Magazines you keep on your bookshelf. The reading material is fascinating. Who are they kidding that you should only feed me twice a day? I especially liked the puppy editions that you've saved. I kept wondering why my picture was never featured in those magazines. Are you trying to keep my greatness a secret?

I discovered your Sharpie permanent markers lying around. I discovered they do not wash off.

I can explain everything when you get home. Maybe some fresh paint will help keep you out of trouble.

I put on your iPod and put the ear buds in my ears. I randomly listened to the songs you have loaded. Why isn't the song "Adventure Dog" from the Squeaky Deaky CD a part of your play list? You know it is my favorite song of all time.

Starting to feel right at home up here on your bed, and seeing why you like it so much, I also tried on your favorite ball cap. It didn't fit me real well, so I turned it upside down and made it my food dish for the day. You don't mind, do you? I'm sure once the hat is washed, all the stains will come out.

I tried on your watch. I wanted to keep track of the time. It's time to buy more dog treats again. I knew wearing the watch would come in handy.

I'd really like to go outside with your basketball and shoot a few hoops. I doubt I will, though. I am quite comfortable here on the bed. My decision has nothing to do with the fact that I would not be able to make any baskets because I'm just a small dog or anything.

I thought about calling you on your cell phone, but I'm having such a good time here with all your stuff, I don't think I'll have enough time. I have only so many hours to have all this fun before you get home. Feel free to call me, though, and leave a message. I'll get back to you when I can.

So, Christopher, all is well. I do miss you, but I am having the time of my life up here on top of your bed pretending to be you for the day.

Maybe since I now know how to be you we can trade off every now and then. You can sit on the floor, pretend to be me while watching me pretend to be you.

Come home soon, but not too soon. I have some cleaning up to do before you get home.

Love, your faithful dog, Bayley

Contact Bayley's mom, Linda Vestal, at lindavestal@triad.rr.com.

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