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“I’m sorry.” Those are probably the hardest two words to pull out of the heart and into the mouth.

Sometimes they do not come. Sometimes they never will because of false pride or arrogance, a fear of showing weakness, of being vulnerable in our strongest places. And sometimes we genuinely are not sorry because we believe someone deserves the hurt we give them and it makes us powerful to be judge and jury.

The Bible tells us to be quick to forgive those who would hurt or use us. And during our lives, most of us have been or will be used or hurt carelessly in some way. Does the Bible mean to forgive even if the guilty never seek forgiveness for the deed? It’s said that being able to forgive others frees us from our own pain, but does it really?

Will we wake in the morning and find the pain is gone and that tears don’t flow when we miss someone or see reminders of the thing we lost?

Or, does forgiving simply free all pain and repentance from those who hurt us? Should they not be accountable at least to be sorry for the deed? Our paths may never cross again in personal meeting, but a cloud forever shades the broken heart.

In the Bible Jesus speaks to the adulteress who has been brought before the crowd to be stoned. Some say he wrote in the sand the names of those who were equally guilty and asked those who were without sin to cast the first stone.
 
No stones were cast. But, Jesus did not tell the woman that she was forgiven and to return to her former ways. He told her to “go and sin no more.” That was her penance for forgiveness.

Neither did Jesus forgive the foulers of the temple with their buying and selling of goods on the Sabbath. It is said he turned the tables upside down and scattered goods and animals from “his father’s house.”

The Bible also says we should acknowledge those who have wronged us so that there may be a time for resolution and forgiveness.

There is another popular book of years gone by that touches my heart with intense, but mixed emotions. It is titled “Love Story” and tells of unconditional love and commitment. But, there is a passage that has troubled me all these years. It says “love means never having to say you’re sorry.” I’m troubled because I do not believe this.

I believe love means being strong, but humble enough to say “I’m sorry” when we have committed a slight or injustice to another that needs to be rectified so that healing and forgiveness can take place.

Jesus said we are our brothers’ keepers. I believe we are their healers just as well.

Chris Myott lives in Eden.