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Having been young and old - the results are in - old is better.

Being young was just something I was born into. I had no choice. Youngness was fleeting; there was always someone younger wanting my job.

Being old is unique and has involved many choices. Good choices notwithstanding, oldness is even more fleeting than youngness. Someone probably has designs on my recliner and golf bag. Fortunately, they are old enough to be discreet about it.

Journeying to oldness, I've worked and I've retired. Those results are in as well: Retired is far better.

So much better, in fact, that I recently decided to re-read my retirement speech. Unfortunately, I could not find it.

That's where faithful and loyal retiree buddies come into play.

OK, my buddies weren't as faithful and loyal as I thought.

Seeing that retirement speeches are such hot properties, I Googled quickly to craft another retirement speech, this one the whole world would remember.

Would you believe it? Hardly anyone is retiring from retirement these days. I told you retirement is good.

In desperate straits for a "retirement speech" fix, I came upon clippings of other retirement speeches in which I could bask.

Jim Kiick and Larry Csonka were two of my favorite Miami Dolphins, but Dan Marino's retirement speech was the only one handy. Dandy Dan, after 17 years with the Dolphins, thanked his parents, "For attending every one of my games since I was a little boy!" He also thanked his dad. "He was the greatest coach I ever had." No record of what Coach Don Shula thought of that.

Brett Favre's retirement speech was emotional and tearful. "It was never about the money or fame or records," he insisted. "I just couldn't fake it anymore!" He was talking about autographs, not pass plays. At the end of his day, Brett wanted the world to know, "The 'V' comes before the 'R' but you pronounce the 'R' first."

After 52 years of military service, Gen. Douglas MacArthur delivered his retirement speech to a joint session of the U.S. Congress. The graciousness of this heroic military genius probably escaped all but a few in Washington.

"An old barracks ballad proclaimed most proudly that old soldiers never die; they just fade away ... I now close my military career and just fade away, an old soldier who tried to do his duty as God gave him the light to see that duty."

Louisiana-born, Mississippi-raised, I could have never pulled for a team with "Yankees" in its name. However, I could have been a huge Lou Gehrig fan, just based on his retirement speech.

"Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth," exclaimed Gehrig to more than 62,000 appreciative fans in Yankee Stadium July 4, 1939.

He thanked the fans for their kindness and encouragement. He told his teammates, "Just to associate with you for one day was the highlight of my career."

Of his manager, "He was the best in Major League Baseball." As for his mother-in-law, "She sided with me in squabbles against her own daughter." In regards to his parents, "They worked all their lives for my benefit."

Finally, he thanked his wife, "She has been a tower of strength and shown more courage than you dreamed existed!"

Lou Gehrig was 36 when he retired. He had rewritten Major League Baseball's record book. He was bound for Cooperstown, sans waiting period. His No. 4 would be the first uniform jersey to be retired.

Unfortunately, one of his final honors was having an incurable disease named for him.

He told his fans, "I may have had a tough break, but I have an awful lot to live for!" He died within two years.

Another famous retirement speech was written from a completely different perspective. This particular retiree, formerly a government worker, had served his present employer for about 30 years.

His government career, although on the brief side, was extremely successful. His "real job" was even more successful, even though his industry was falling on hard times when he wrote his retirement speech.

He must have known in advance he wasn't receiving a gold watch. Otherwise, he wouldn't have torn into unethical competitors, complacent co-workers, and complicit corporate insiders with such abandon.

Paraphrasing his retirement thoughts, "A much larger and more aggressive competitor has come to town - customers absolutely adore the new kid on the block - who sells everything and never closes!"

As specific as he was competitive, "our guy" went so far as listing 19 problematic product lines carried by the competition. Fear not, he did not end his retirement speech with a problem; he provided the perfect solution.

All that, and more of Apostle Paul's retirement speech - which truly will be remembered by the whole world - can be found in Second Timothy, Chapters Three and Four.

Harry Thetford retired as store manager of Sears Friendly Center in 1990. He and his wife, Martha, enjoy Rv'ing and have three children and seven grandchildren. Contact him at Htthetford@aol.com.