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During the years that Jesse Helms served in the U.S. Senate, I was among the legion of columnists who vehemently criticized his right-wing rhetoric and policies.

In various columns I described him as a bigot, a homophobe, a mossback and an international obstructionist. I also called him "an embarrassment to the state of North Carolina."

But in the spirit of that ancient proverb "Never speak ill of the dead," I shall simply reminisce today about some encounters I had with the late senator.

I never knew Helms personally, but we both knew each other's work. I stayed informed about his positions and rhetoric, and he read my columns (or ones that pertained to him).

How do I know? Because he complained to mutual friends. He once said I was probably on the mailing list of the Democratic National Committee because my columns sounded like DNC press releases. I was not on the DNC mailing list but had mysteriously landed instead on the Republican National Committee's mailing list.

But let's return to memory lane. On another occasion - this time during the bitter 1984 Hunt-Helms senatorial campaign - Helms invoked my name during a stump speech. My readership went up.

He told his audience not to believe what "Rosemary what's-her-name" writes. I doubt that his audience included my faithful readers, but his disparaging remark piqued their curiosity. Several wrote saying they were now reading my columns - including one new reader who said, "You make me mad as hell."

But the column that bothered Helms the most was written a few days after the 1996 election and pertained to courtliness. It faulted Helms for not being "a Southern gentleman," a trait he valued.

Historian William Link, author of "Righteous Warrior: Jesse Helms and the Rise of Modern Conservatism," has also noted that Helms desperately wanted to be regarded as courtly, even if you disliked his politics.

So I obviously scratched a raw nerve in that 1996 column when I noted that Bob Dole, the GOP presidential candidate that year and who attended Helms' funeral this week, had been gracious in defeat but that Helms had been vitriolic in victory. Helms had turned back former Charlotte Mayor Harvey Gantt's second attempt to unseat him.

"Dole's concession speech was brimming with graciousness and civility," I wrote. "It reconfirmed why Dole is admired and respected even by his political opponents."

Dole said: "I have said repeatedly in this campaign that the president (Bill Clinton) was my opponent, not my enemy. I wish him well and I pledge my support...."

That night Dole thanked his family, supporters and the media who had traveled with him (even though many journalists had written critically about him).

Helms failed to thank anybody in his victory speech. Nor did he even mention Gantt's name. He referred to him as "that guy who ran against me." (Gantt, by contrast, graciously congratulated Helms.)

In his speech, Helms railed against the media, saying he could hear "the gnashing of teeth" among state journalists. He named this newspaper's editorial department along with others.

Then he fired verbal potshots at Sen. Edward Kennedy, warning that "there's going to be six more years of torment for Ted Kennedy and all those other liberals."

My column criticized Helms for using his victory speech "as a diatribe against everybody on his hate list." The occasion had called for mag­nanimity, but Helms was uncivil, ungracious and "uncourtly." Even his supporters complained about his unclassy performance, I wrote.

His press secretary phoned me the next day. Helms was worried. I could hear Helms' voice in the background saying, "Ask her about...."

Helms knew he'd blundered. And it gravely bothered him.

Helms purportedly softened in his twilight years before he left the Senate in January 2003. He even said that if he could live life over, he would have been a Baptist missionary to Africa.

Now that would have really been interesting to write about.

Rosemary Roberts writes a Friday column. E-mail: rmroberts@triad.rr.com.