news-record.com

(Note: Lorraine Ahearn is recuperating from a freak attack of bottom-dwelling leeches. In her place appears Melody Singer, a Piedmont child behaviorist and the author of "If Your House is Childproof, How Do They Keep Getting Inside?")

Well, if you're like me, you don't need a weatherman to know that summer is here.

No, all you need is the constant ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong of the door bell, accompanied by occasional, muffled pleas:

"Let us back inside, Mom! It's so hot, the driveway melted my Crocs!"

Yes, we can all pine for those bygone days when summer meant lazy afternoons in a hammock, waiting for the distant chime of the ice cream truck. Sooner or later, however, we have to face reality.

And the reality for every working parent is that summer begins a dreaded descent into chaos, in which we wear the alternate hats of travel agent, activities director and chauffeur, feverishly trying to book passage on an 11-week cruise with one port of call: the 2008-09 school year.

To reach that destination, we drain vacation funds, borrow against 401(k)s, dip into college accounts, always bearing in mind the cardinal rule of the summer camp game:

Have Visa or Mastercard ready.

Ah, but for those who can keep their head while all those around them are losing theirs - and squandering an entire week's take-home pay for five days at a part-time horseback-riding academy (lunch not included) or guitar camp ($30 late pickup fee) - I have good news.

There are bargains out there. Actual steals. All it takes is a little flexibility. A willingness to do without frills such as "Webcams" allowing parents to watch camp activities live via the Internet. And a readiness to sign a liability waiver here or there.

But at these prices, who cares?

Recycling Rodeo

In this hands-on theme camp, kids learn the basics of sustainable culture. How do you separate No. 1 recyclable plastic jugs from No. 2? What's the definition of chipboard? And why do yellow-jackets feed on the dregs in beer bottles?

This FREE all-day camp runs continuously through the summer months, in conjunction with the solid waste program. Campers should bring safety goggles and heavy-gauge rubber gloves. And be ready for fun!

Baby-sitting Jamboree

Does your preteen like working with younger children? Being a leader on the playground? Getting to be in charge of movie time? This low-cost camp, run in partnership with Sunny Daze Preschools, is just right for you.

Campers will be trained in CPR and emergency first-aid. A nutritious snack of fruit roll-up and juice box is included.

Ranger Red's

Treasure Hunt

Discover the world around you, in this parks and recreation summer adventure offered at various locations throughout the city.

Learn to identify harmful plants such as poison ivy and sumac, how to spread mulch, use an edger and control weeds through the proper use of Roundup. Campers receive complimentary T-shirt, water bottle and Ranger Red certificate of service!

Petite Picassos

Master the basics of painting on the broadest canvas of all: You get to paint an entire house! Campers should dress for mess and will receive instruction in sanding, paint mixing and achieving smooth, even brush strokes. For registration, call Melody Singer, Ph.D.

Contact Lorraine Ahearn at 373-7334 or lorraine.ahearn@news-record.com