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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.
A big shout-out to Mr. Buckley's fifth-grade class who had some hilarious entries. Honestly, guys, you had me at "explosive donkey." Also included are hobos, singing frogs and denture-centric monkeys. Read their captions below.
Also, a newspaper in Indiana has admittedly stolen our "Jokes On You" idea - and name. They really need to steal from a better class of people. But the one thing they can't take though is our talented cast of contributors.
MR. BUCKLEY'S FIFTH GRADE CLASS
And my 5th grade students' entries (comedy is difficult skill to teach, but we'll get there...there was also a lot of stuff about hobos, I'm not sure why.)
Kyle Q.
Hello I lost a frog that sings
Hi I lost the monkey that takes my teeth out at night
Jake R.
Well it looks like someone beat you quite badly
Yes, sorry about the explosion
Devonte M
You have a black eye
Ceasar L
So are you Lost or Found.
Victoria R
Excuse me is anyone here? All I see is a pile of junk
Jenny P
Lost and found for Hobos
Xavier B
I lost my tie and all I found was this hobo.
James M
Sorry about the explosion Frank. I just wanted to try it out.
I didn't know the explosive donkey would blow up.
Damon H
No! My science project!
My robot is crushed
WINNER
It has a fuse about this long.
Dave Sheets, Greensboro
RUNNERS-UP
Anyone turned in a Tasmanian devil?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
"I see you found it!"
Ken Layton, Carthage
No,no,no,my monster was navy blue not lavender!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Yeah it's about this big and what ever you do,
Don't shake it
Pam Hart, Siler City
"Sorry about that but he gets that way around fire."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
"I seem to have misplaced my death ray- I mean toaster."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
"Let me ask you, was there more of a yellow flame or purple smoke?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"Did you find a package marked DO NOT OPEN"?
Rick Meehan, Graham
BEST "SENT IN CAPTION FOR WRONG CARTOON"
Buzz off you two timing cad, I seen you polynate that other flower.
No name given
BEST POEM
Well I thought that you might help me,
it seems I cannot find,
my tiny little princess,
the apple of my eye!
She's cute and white and fluffy,
and really kinda shy,
as gentle as a baby duck,
and wouldn't hurt a fly.
Please tell me that you've seen her,
that you know where I can find,
My 'tiny little cupcake',
that might have wandered by??
This is the very first time,
she's been out of the lab,
She hated being in stuck in there,
it's really kinda drab.
So here we are at Space-Mart,
to get some fancy things,
I left her in the toy department,
right by the Silly String!
So I know that if you see her,
you'll know just what to do,
cuz we have to get back to the lab,
to read The Jokes On You!
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
BEST INSIDE JOKE
No,no,no ,my robot doesn't look anything like the robot from"Lost in Space"!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Hands down winner. I guess Mr. Tribbett is aware of my problems in Brewster Rockit on this matter?
Have you seen a deathbot carrying a spleen about this size?
Tim Tribbett
Have you seen a psychotic smiley faced stickman?
Tim Tribbett
"Yes I did train a bear to do office work. Why?"
Joel Clark
"His name is Philbert. You seen him?"
Stephen Botts, Greensboro
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
(Paging Mel Brooks …)
I'm looking for my friend: Abbie Normal. Have you seen him?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
"For the last time, it's pronounced Fronk-en-steen!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
"Do you have a package for 'Q?'"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough
… Of the continuum, I presume?
THE REST
Check back there again -- I can look at you and tell you have the cat.
Look back there again -- he's on steroids and fighting for his ninth life.
I raised him on "Mozart for Babies" -- but he ran away singing "Muskrat Love."
He's about this big and very excitable -- but you already know that.
I see you've already met my wascally wabbit.
He ran off when I started testing a new flu vaccine.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
1. I'm sorry, I got you sucked into this black hole!
2. I'm looking for a few good body parts.
3. Do you have any close relatives?
4. I lost my brain, do you have one in there?
5. Brain, heart, liver, I'll take what I can get!
6. Honestly, I didn't mean to transport you to that deserted island
7. Sometimes accidents happen!
8. Who knew cloning would be so hard?!
9. What do you mean you're suing me?!
10. Come back, I can fix this!
11. Too many wire sutures, huh!
12. Sorry you got Lost in Space!
13. But it was the only hand I had!
14. I think you are holding together pretty well!
15. I see you found a job!
16. No you don't look like a creature from the black lagoon.
17. Well I had to do something after that bear ripped you apart!
I'm glad I found you, Brewer wants you to be his running mate for galactic vice president!
Nancy Nelson
I wish to return this invisible toaster as it is defective.
Ken Miller
YEAH IT'S ABOUT THIS BIG AND WHAT EVER YOU DO, DON'T SHAKE IT
PAM HART, SILER CITY
" My patient lost his mind, have you seen it ? "
" I think you found my patient who lost his temper. "
" Who lost their cool ? "
" Ha ! You found my experiment ! "
" Have you lost your mind ? "
" You've lost it ! "
" YES ! I've lost my Marbles ! ! !
" I'm telling you for the last time, I'm Dr. Jekyll looking for Mr. Hyde ! "
" Hyde, I found you ! "
" Don't play Hyde and seek with me ! "
" I'll kill for a pair of gloves that don't fit ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I'm looking for some lost nitro....I see you found it!
Darrell Kimrey, Greensboro
...It's a wildcat, about yeah big.
No, my Deathray didn't have a dishevel setting.
Yes, he is a monkey, but he knows jujitsu.
I'm from the anger studies group. Have you seen our chimp?
The Killbot does have an off switch, you know.
I'm sorry to hear that but I'm just looking for my hat
I have that same problem with Vista.
Have you seen my Beat-you-up 5000?
Chuck Buckley, Greensboro
Some good ones just barely missing the runners-up
Hello I lost a frog that sings
Hi I lost the monkey that takes my teeth out at night
Kyle Q.
Well it looks like someone beat you quite badly
Yes, sorry about the explosion
Jake R.
You have a black eye
Devonte M.
So are you Lost or Found.
Ceasar L
Excuse me is anyone here? All I see is a pile of junk
Victoria R
Lost and found for Hobos
Jenny P
I lost my tie and all I found was this hobo.
Xavier B.
Sorry about the explosion Frank. I just wanted to try it out.
I didn't know the explosive donkey would blow up.
James M.
No! My science project!
My robot is crushed
Damon H
Buzz off you two timing cad, I seen you pollinate that other flower.
Marcel St-Jules
"He's about this long, has 8 legs, and a slight attitude...have you seen him?"
"It's the world's first pair of automatic shoestrings..."
"I finally figured out how to extract that wild hair Brewster had up his keester but I seem to have misplaced it..."
"It's called a 'Wild Hair' and is usually hold up in dark, stinky places..."
"It's the world's first Self-Sewing Button..."
"My God Man!?!?!?! What have you done to my SLINKY??"
"It's called an automatic needle threader..."
"A...N...T... Automatic Needle Threader...seen it?"
"Well, apparently the spiders got into the Viagra samples and well, things have gotten a little...complicated..."
"Mirror, Mirror On The Wall..."
"Good God Man...did you dress in the DARK this morning?!?"
"I need a Whopper with Cheese, Large Fries..."
"Well...I can't seem to find my glasses..."
"Well it WAS the worlds largest spool of thread...."
"It's a portable sewing machine...made by Ronco..."
"I finally perfected the No-Tangle fishing reel but I seem to have misplaced it..."
"It walks down stairs alone or in pairs and makes a 'slinkety' sound..."
"It's the world's first self-playing violin..."
"It's like Rogaine but for chest hair..."
"Well most people use it to clean between their teeth..."
"It's the world's first hands-free dental floss..."
"My mother always said to CUT those little strings...never pull them..."
"...and if you find it, whatever you do, Don't Open The Lid!!!"
"Maybe you should just try velcro..."
"My GOD I look HORRIBLE this morning!"
"Should I come back later?"
"I Can't Find My String Cheese!!!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Unfortunately, some of the funniest captions (ordering a Whopper? Slinky?) we received.
But just a tad "out-there" to be included (I'm afraid not every reader is as warped as me.)
Anyone turned in a Tasmanian devil?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro, NC
I'm Dr. Frankenstein. Have you seen my friend?
It's really a quite small nuclear reactor.
I'm looking for my friend: Abbie Normal. Have you seen him?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
"Please tell me you didn't harm the creature!"
(I hope the irony tanslates in text)
"I knew I shouldn't have implanted Amy Winehouse's brain!"
"What monster? My wife caught me cheating!"
"For the last time, it's pronounced Fronk-en-steen!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
It's a box, about this big, witha label that reads, Do not shake.
Robert Atwood Greensboro , NC
1.)Well,who told you to turn it on dummy?
2.)Have you seen a cosmic deathbot/ipod dock?
3.)So you see ,when matter and anti-matter meet you get.....
4.)Have you seen a deathbot carrying a spleen about this size?
5.)Yeah ,he always seems to go for the spleen first.
6.)No,no,no,my monster was navy blue not lavender!
7.)Has anyone turned in an analprobebot?
8.)Let me tell you where you went wrong.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
No,no,no ,my robot doesn't look anything like the robot from"Lost in Space"!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
" Yes ! Your proctologist has lost his ring ! ! ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Yeah, he caused quite a stir in the gene pool too.
Do you have an aggressive amoeba back there?
Identifying marks -- a tatoo of three test tubes.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
19. What's up with this malpractice suit!!!
20. Brewster Rockit wants you to attend a conference with him on Mizar in the constellation Ursa Major.
21. Well be grateful you aren't a fly!
Nancy Nelson
"I see you found it!"
Ken Layton, Carthage
"It was about this size and it went 'Tick-Tock'".
Ken Layton, Carthage
1) "Weren't you in the Complaint Department this morning?"
2) "We've come to take you back"
3) "..and what about the other guy?"
4) "Come now, back to the Asylum!"
--Bill Beerman, Greensboro
"Items aren't returned in the same condition?"
"Cousin Marco, we shouldn't be here just because I lost my temper with you!"
Ian Knight, Greensboro
1.)Holy cow!Did my Mr. Rogers clone do that to you?!
2.)Have you seen a psychotic smiley faced stickman?
3.) I find a little aloe will help soothe radiation burns from my deathbots
4.)Enough about your troubles,I've lost my monster!
5.)Well,when your name is Frankenstein you're expected to make at least one psycho monster.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"Today, lost and found. Tomorrow.....maybe a kiosk."
"Funny, you're obviously in shock but I don't detect any awe."
"Let me ask you, was there more of a yellow flame or purple smoke?"
"I'm no madman. Now give me a number 3 with no onions."
"Maybe next time you'll look for my Isotoners."
"Thank heavens the second one didn't go off."
"Did you happen to find three vials of charcoal, saltpetre and sulphur?"
"You've been blinded by science!"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"he's white, has a long tail and ran off with my Lab experiment
Frank Brown, Greensboro
"Did you find a package marked DO NOT OPEN"?
Rick Meehan, Graham
It has a fuse about this long.
2. I see that my wife has been here. Did you find her pocketbook?
3. I believe I left my box of experiments here. Did anyone turn it in?.
4. Does this mean I won't get my monkey back?
Dave Sheets, Greensboro
" Has anybody turned in a Tasmanian devil?"
"He's about 7'2" and hates people without neckties ..."
Jon Barsanti Jr Hillsborough
" You see now ! I've lost my grip on myself ! "
Frank C. Leonard
Excuse me, did you find a bo........never mind.
Paul Poretta, Greensboro
"Oh, you'll be fine........Now how about a Fresca?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
It was my latest creation: I call it, ŒA Can of Whup-Ass¹
Mr. Sutter.
(Good to hear from you)
"The box was this big and had a timer. Seen it??
"I see you met my wife!"
"Have you see my robotic dog?'
"I lost my Mister Wizard Chemistry Set"
"It's hide and go seek. Have you see Pam, she's the angry one or Bruster, the stupid one?"
"It's a small alien I created. It behaves well except when touched"
"You survived my curse!! Want a job in my lab?"
"It was a box that was clearly marked "Do Not Shake".
"Do you always dress like that?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
1. "I'm guessing you have my Dishevel Accelerator."
2. "I warned you to wait 30 minutes after eating before using the transporter."
3. "How did you end up here? You were in my dryer looking for my lost sock."
Tom Norman, Greensboro
1. "I see you have eaten the zebra nuggets."
2. "I see you have pushed the Do Not Touch button."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
"I see that someone turned in my keys."
"I seem to have misplaced my death ray- I mean toaster."
"Lucky for you it was set on stun."
"I'm looking for a runaway atom."
"Has anyone turned in a Bunsen burner?"
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
"Remember, if he comes back this way, he likes to be scratched behind the ears."
"Sometimes he wanders off just as if he had a mind of his own."
"Quick, we've got to stop him before he gets to layaway."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"I lost some nitroglycerin ..."
"But the package said "Do Not Shake..."
"It said "Do Not Open Until Christmas ...""
"Do you have a package for 'Q?'"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough
1) " I don't mean to pile on but that's not going to grow back. "
2) " I bet the next time you see a " Do Not Open " sticker you will leave it alone . "
3) " Excuse me. I lost a bomb……I mean a box….yes that's it….. I lost a box. "
4) " Sorry about that but he gets that way around fire . "
5) " The good news is that you can charge your IPOD by just holding it in your hand. "
6) " It's really important that you stay away from pregnant women for awhile !! "
7) " Did you at least know which way he went ? "
8) " How do you know it was MY bomb ? "
9) " Do we really need to involve the police ? "
10) " What is this, casualty Friday ? "
11) " For a few weeks you will notice that metal is attracted to you. "
12) " You big baby, it just means that he likes you . "
13) " This is very important ! Did he bite you ? "
14) " Sorry but that part of you will glow in the dark for about 6 months! "
15) " The good news is that you now have a shelf life of about 77,000years ! "
16) " If that ear falls off can I have it ? "
17) " It's about this big and has the faint smell of uranium . "
18) " I'd say about 7½ feet tall, flat head, bolts in neck, and a baddisposition . "
19) " Get used to it. That smell is permanent . "
20) " You're being overly sensitive. I can barely notice it . "
Joel Clark, Greensboro
1.)You mixed your matter with my lost anti-matter causing a very destructive splatter.
2.)You mixed your matter with my lost anti-matter henceforth you got splattered.
Tim Tribbett Greensboro
21) " I don't want you to over react but you might grow a tail. "
22) " I bet you just love it when the Mad Scientist Convention comes to town. "
23) " No, I'm Frank N. Stein !! "
24) " I'm not sure but it might be a guy named Mr. Hyde . "
25) " We've got to find him before the towns people do !! "
26) " You'd be touchy too if you were being chased with torches all the time! "
27) " Wait till you hear how clear your radio comes in now ! "
28) "#@*& &%@* idiot @&%! &%$# my bomb @*&%$# * &%#@ kill you &^$#$@ your mother !!!!"
29) " Bad side...radioactive...good side...free XM radio . "
30) " At least now you can avenge your uncle's murder . "
31) " Come by the lab and I'll give you one of my extra eyes . "
32) " I left him alone in the lab and he cooked up a batch of crystal meth ."
33) " Go ahead and call the police. Who's gonna believe a mouse did this toyou ? "
34) " Forgive me but I'm a little schizophrenic...no I'm not...yes I am. "
35) " Talk about the Theory of Negativity ! "
36) " Cut him a break. Some kids were picking on him in the food court . "
37) " It's very important that we find him before 5 o'clock. He's got my buspass. "
38) " Not dead, I said you were undead. Big difference ! "
39) " You don't have a craving for human brains do you ? "
40) " How do I explain this to you ? That part of you is in a parallel universe ! "
41) " It's about this big and has Excedrin written all over it. "
42) " When I dared you to call him a monster to his face I was being sarcastic !! "
43) " That was no monster. That was Dick Cheney. "
44) " What color ???? How many bombs do you have back there ??? "
45) " Yes I did train a bear to do office work. Why ? "
Joel Clark, Greensboro
You thought it was a fire extinguisher and you lit a match to it to see if
it would work?!
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro
" Something's Missing Alright ! ! ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"I heard you have the key to the Kay Hagan/Libby Dole timeshare."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
I'm Dr. Frankenstein. I see I've come to the right place!
Cindy Bradshaw, Reidsville
"My very hungry, PMS-raging, nymphomaniacal, 500 pound wife is missing. Have
you seen her?"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
1) Exxxxxcellent
Deadpan, Winston-Salem
21. If I only had a brain!
22. Who said I was GOD!
23. I thought this was lost and found not the complaint department!
24. You'll make a great lighting rod! 25. I'd never dream I'd find you here!
26. Be thankful, I had to piece you together.
26. How many times to I have to tell you, you're not a monster!
Nancy Nelson
" Ah ! You found my electro shock treatment equipment ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"His name is Philbert. You seen him?"
"The crate is marked 'Tasmania' . Shouldn't be a problem finding it."
"You're a mess, O'Shea. Now go home and get some rest. And tell your
wife and 14 kids I said hello."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro
"She's about this big and her name is Fluffy..."
"She's about this big, loves to chase string, and her name's Tinkerbell..."
"As long as you stay back about THIS far you should be fine..."
"I was trying to teach it how to sew but it didn't seem all that interested..."
"Well...it looks a bit like a silkworm only...bigger."
"I was showing it how important it was to floss after every meal but I don't think it it took..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
SNAIL MAIL
"It looks like a kitty, but it's a baby cougar on steroids!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro
