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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
I was afraid of this. I figured I would get a lot of "right to remain silent" and "trapped in a box" captions. I just didn't realize that would basically be all that I got. Talk about tough judging! They all started to sound alike. We decided to go with more original entries as winner and runner-ups.
And as always, first come, first served.
Hopefully, next week's more enigmatic cartoon will inspire more diverse captions.

I also have received the usual comments about the same people winning, why didn't mine win, etc. So, I'll take this opportunity to repeat our caption picking method.
I don't pick them. I could, but I'm too much of a softie and I would lean in favor of people who haven't won/placed a lot. So we have a total of 10 judges (including me, I do get a say-so) who get up to four votes a piece. They vote from a usually rather large short-list of the best captions that I pick so the other judges don't have to wade through the hundreds of entries we get. How many make the "short" list? This week there was 66. Yes, 66. Not so short, but I want to make sure anything even close to a good gag gets a chance. Except for me, no other judge sees the names of the entrants, only the captions. There is absolutely no favoritism. The same names keep popping up because they have a knack for writing a good gag. Don't agree with the judges? Well, all I can say is sorry, but most of them are professional writers. I can't think of a better qualification.
One thing you have to keep in mind is this: No matter how good your caption is, if we've also received 10 others that are similar, it just takes the edge off. And finally, first come, first served.

WINNER
"Just point to one and act like you're pulling on a rope to make him step forward."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

JR. DIVISION WINNER
"They won't tell us who did it!!!"
Ciara Tolbert, Age 10

RUNNERS-UP
"Yes M'am, it's a real mime field out there!"
Pernell Collett, High Point

"They say mimes are the number one silent killer in America."
Don Byers, Greensboro

"We just want to get these clowns off the street!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

You'll have to be more specific ma'am. They're all annoying.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Number 2! Please step forward and don't say anything."
Jay Moore, Jamestown

Maam, it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for!
Nancy Nelson

We're having a little bit of trouble finding an interpreter.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"They won't tell us who did it!!!"
Ciara Tolbert, Age 10

"Just point to one and act like you're pulling on a rope to make him step forward."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"Number one freaked when I said, "There's never a Copeau around when you need one."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Chief Wray,is that you?!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

If you think this is tough, on the web site they're not numbered !
( Line up is numbered in newspaper but not on internet, there is a difference. )
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Wow. Good catch, Frank

Hey.what happened to their numbers?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Yeah, yeah, Frank told me …

Funny — they had numbers in the paper. I wonder where they went to on the blog.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Sigh. You too, Ken?

Ma'am, we only have till noon Thursday !
We think they're all guilty of not picking your cartoon caption as the winner this week !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

We've called the UNC-G theatrical department for an interpreter.
We're surprised they strayed from Tate Street to your neighborhood.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Which one is Tim Rickard?
Nancy Nelson

BEST/WORST PUN
"Yes M'am, it's a real mime field out there!"
Pernell Collett, High Point

Mime your own business!
Nancy Nelson

It's a Sign of the Mimes!
Nancy Nelson

"Your guess is as good as mine."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"Alright mam...we prepared a Mime-Up for you..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"If you're not sure, you can always change your mime."
"There's not a mime's worth of difference."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

BEST POEM
"He's the one," said the woman once chased.
"You should throw him in jail post haste."
"I think no one should go,"
Stated Marcel Marceau,
"For a mime is a bad thing to waste."
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Here's our mime
crime line,
Their frowns
have turned our town up-side down,
They panhandle on our Broadwalk, They cover their faces with white to mask their identity,
Their movements and hand gestures can be obscene,
At best we don't understand what they mean,
They're just bold annoying pests, We put them in jail but they just get out on bail, They think they're smart with their ancient art, Their Silence is far from golden,
I would be very beholden
if you would point out who accosted you.
So I can cry Boo, Who!
Nancy Nelson

MATURE
Which one flashed his Marcel Marceau?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

TOP VOTE GETTERS
"Just point to one and act like you're pulling on a rope to make him step forward."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"Yes M'am, it's a real mime field out there!"
Pernell Collett, High Point

You'll have to be more specific ma'am. They're all annoying.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

We're having a little bit of trouble finding an interpreter.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"We just want to get these clowns off the street!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"They say mimes are the number one silent killer in America."
Don Byers, Greensboro

"Number 2! Please step forward and don't say anything."
Jay Moore, Jamestown

Maam, it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for!
Nancy Nelson

We're holding them in a giant invisible box.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Be careful. A mime is a terrible thing to waste.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

"They're an easy gang to catch. This time I used a giant make-believe lasso!"
Kevin Little

Which one subjected you to substandard street theatre?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

We're done with these guys. Send in the clowns.
Tim Tribbett

"We haven't been able to make any of them talk."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

Number two, I need you to mime snatching a purse.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"He'll have a real box to contend with soon."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"We didn't see any reason to tell them they have the right to remain silent. "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

THE SCHOOLS
(Only one this week ... disappointing ...)
Louise Monroe, Rankin school
Kionah F: Is number two the one who mimed you?

Chelsea D. Sosa: I think I'd better leave before they go down stairs and get away.

Taniya S: Let's interrogate these lunatic fools.

Sawyer R: Oh my gosh, I didn't know you put your suspects in boxes!

Amanda Christina Whitfield: It was the tall one. He called me 'the man' but he didn't really SAY it exactly.

Zaira G: Which one tied up your husband?

Ashlee Askew: Why is number two at five while the others are at six?

Thanh N: They all look the same, so pull and box them.

Holly R: Make a box so they won't see us!

THE REST
"Not so black and white, is it ma'am?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Try to think outside of the box."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1) " They're not talking !!! "
2) " Sorry ma'am, they're not talking ! "
3) " It would really help if you could identify one because they're not talking ! "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

Telling them they had the right to be silent felt kinda unnecessary.
2.)They're not talking.
3.)We're holding them in a giant invisible box.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Number 2! Please step forward and don't say anything."
Jay Moore, Jamestown

Try to think inside the box
2.) Being a mime is crime enough if you ask me!
3.) Number two, I need you to mime snatching a purse.
4.)Mimes gone bad. Breaks ya heart doesn't it?
5.) Chief Wray,is that you?!!
6.)You'll have to be more specific ma'am.They're all annoying
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Sorry ma'am, but they have the right to remain silent."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

Just pick one. I'll make him talk.
Ken Layton, Carthage

It's Number 2. I never forget a face.
Ken Layton, Carthage

Now, ma'am. Which one held you prisoner in that invisible box?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

My "The Joke's On You" entry is: "Decisions, decisions."
Judy Riedel, High Point

I thought he was a gondolier until he climbed the imaginary stairs.
Could you have them perform the French National Anthem . . . in English?
But there were just so MANY in the streets on Marcel Marceau's birthday.
Could I petition the court for a non-gag order?
It was a quiet birthday party until they became so animated.
He put two fingers in my left ear and said some really obnoxious things.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1) i need to see the palms of their hands
2) they all look the same, let me hear them speak.
3) its the one in the striped shirt.
4) all i remeber was that they used their hands
5) mam, i need you to identify him, we got no fingerprints.
6) officer i need some background music to help
7) can we get them to juggle?
8) the short one looks suspicious officer
9) all i remeber sir is that they boxed me in
10) can you have them put their hands on the window
11) mam, these were the only guys i could find that fit the description
12) i said they stole mine, not a stolen mime
tyler olson Greensboro
I liked numbers 3 and 7

1. Mum's the word!
2. How sad!
2. They all look alike to me!
Nancy Nelson

Officer, it most definitely was not "Mary Had a Little Lamb"!
I know a lewd and lascivious mime when I see one.
Can they do the other two parts of "Three Monkeys" -- "hear no evil, see no evil?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

CLINTON, BUSH, NOW OBAMA- WHERE'S THE CHANGE !!!!!!!!!!
LARRY KELLAM, HIGH POINT

Sorry ! We couldn't find four bald guys !
Hint ! One's here for the money, two's here for the show, three's ready, & four needs to GO !
Sorry ma'am, Chief says we can't afford four fedoras !
Ma'am, I can't make them smile, but you can three !
He's an artist alright, a con-artist !
Hint ! Hint ! His derby slant is different !
It's kind of like playing the education lottery !
Hint ! Ma'am, your guy has a different slant on life !
Ma'am, think you can make this barber's quartet a trio ?
No ma'am, you can't give them a bail out !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

4. Which one of this guys sexually harrassed you Maam?!
5. Did you get a good look at his face?
Nancy Nelson

Here is my caption for this week's contest:
"Yes M'am, it's a real mime field out there!"
Pernell Collett, High Point

Number One - act like you're trapped in an invisible box.
David Reed

If you think this is tough, on the web site they're not numbered !
( Line up is numbered in newspaper but not on internet, there is a difference. )
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

6. Was he tall, short, fat or thin?
7. What did you say the prepatrator did on the sidewalk?!
Nancy Nelson

8. Mime your own business.
9.You say, you were miming your business when they approached you.
10. They say they were miming their own business when you started harrassing them!
Nancy Nelson

[explanation for previous entries -- Daggum, I thought the woman was speaking!]
You thought he was a gondolier until he climbed the imaginary stairs?
So you want them to perform the French National Anthem . . . in English?
Just a few of the ones celebrating in the streets on Marcel Marceau's birthday.
Are you certain he wasn't performing "Mary Had a Little Lamb"?
We get lots of suspects who won't talk.
Could you hurry up? We promised them pistachio ice cream after the line-up.
Maybe next time you'll hire clowns with honking horns for your kid's party.
I'll petition the court for a non-gag order.
I'm sure it was a quiet party before they became so animated.
He put two fingers in your left ear and said really obnoxious things?
Don't get hung-up on the fact their mascara has run.
At least they whine silently.
You must have sensitive ears to complain about these neighbors.
I agree -- the second from the left shouldn't wear horizontal stripes.
Joan Lux Greensboro

9. They say they were just miming there own business when you started harrassing them!
10. Mime your own business!
11. They have a right to remain silent!
12. Silence in this case is golden!
Nancy Nelson

No. 2 ! Could you stand on your tippy toes ?
They're all a spittin image of the bad guy !
No.1, 2, & 3 ... berets, left face !
Unfortunately, I hear they all sound alike too !
Don't worry ! They can't see you're having a bad hair day !
It's called a line up, because we make them toe that line !
Ma'am, I know it's not polite to point, but they can't see you !
Ma'am, please ! Your finger, their toes, so I can Go !
Kind of reminds one of that scene from, " The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly !
Watch for body language when I tell them about face !
Ma'am, you're not the only victim of identity theft here !
Looks like we have more than one victim of identity theft here !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1.) Which one looted your imaginary house?
2.) Yes ma'am, I know they look really sorry but it's just a trick.
3.) If he was french we should be able to ID him by smell alone.
4.) We're having a hard time lifting prints from the imaginary gun so this is crucial..
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

No Ma'am ! No " Eni Mini Mighty Moe " allowed here !
Just remember, when you point that finger, there are three more pointing back at you !
Ma'am, I'll get you a hat too if you're feeling out of place !
Now you see why we perfer DNA and fingerprints !
I've always heard everyone has a double, but this is too much !
This must be Octa-Mom's first batch !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"No fear, Ma'am -- they're all confined in an invisible box."
Joe Slone, Greensboro

It's easier when they're numbered, ma'am. Rickard was just trying to be difficult on computer !
( Rickard left numbers off drawing on computer. )
Rickard left numbers off on computer, it'll be easier now ma'am !
Ma'am, we only have till noon Thursday !
We think they're all guilty of not picking your cartoon caption as the winner this week !
Ma'am, are you sure you want to do this ? I hear they all got good lawyers !
Is your name in your beret ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Yes, they do look very similar, Mrs. Marceau.
Be careful. A mime is a terrible thing to waste.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

"Words can't express how bad we want this guy."
"You say he put you in an invisible box?"
"Will number one please step forward and not say something."
"As far as I'm concerned, this crime was unspeakable."
"They say mimes are the number one silent killer in America."
"He looked French but he didn't have anything to say?"
"Can I have a show of hands if you think you're not guilty."
"You don't have to say anything. Just point him out."
Don Byers, Greensboro

" So do you see any you may recognize"
" .... So which one of them stole stole your outfit"
Ryan Natal, age 12
I liked the stole your outfit one.

"Step forward number one and pretend to be trapped in a box."
"Just point to one and act like you're pulling on a rope to make him step forward."
"So I take it your purse was stolen at the Marcel Marceau tribute."
"We haven't been able to make any of them talk."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

1.) It's always the quiet ones.
2.) Which one mocked you ma'am?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
I liked the simplicity of number 1. I was surprised this received no other votes.

We shoot all the Mimes anyway, so just pick one.
Dean Tribbett, Va Beach VA

1.) You'll have to be more specific ma'am.They're ALL annoying!
2.)Which one stole your Max Factor?
3.) Hey.what happened to their numbers?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.) It's very hard to get a confession outta one of these guys!
2.)This is vital since our interogations went absolutely nowhere.
3.) They'll never rat each other out.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

13. No. 1, Step forward and show us your hand gestures!
Nancy Nelson

I really wanted to host "What's My Line?, "but became a cop instead!
Bet those berets were made in China!
Where did you say he had a tatoo?
Frank C Leonard, Lexington

1,) If the beret doesn't fit they'll have to acquit.
2.) Not even their own mothers would bail them out.
3.) No,we can't let him go if he'll work your kid's party.
4.)We'll see how well that mime stuff goes over in the joint.
5.) Darn illegal french immigrants.
Tim Tribbett.Greensboro

"He said what?!"
"I don't think pretending to run off with your purse is a crime."
"He'll talk when he finds out how much time he could get."
"Apparently, he's not a snitch."
"He exersized his right to remain silent."
"He'll have a real box to contend with soon."
"Considering where he's going, he has the right look on his face."
"Number 3, turn left and pretend to hold a gun."
"I wonder if he'll plead the 5th in court."
"Apparently, he's silent but deadly."
"He's about to have a real box to try to escape from."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Ma'am---are you sure this the gang that stole your karaoke machine?"
"Gentlemen. You have the right----and the outfit---to remain silent."
Kevin Little

Funny - they had numbers in the paper. I wonder where they went to on the blog.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

1) " Number one, please step forward and pretend you are trapped in a glass box. "
2) " Just pick one ma'am . We're dying to use excessive force on them."
3) " We have ways of making them talk ! "
4) " Talk about your silent killers ! "
5) " Who ever the killer was used a silencer. "
6) " Don't worry ma'am, they're behind a real glass wall this time. "
7) " He has an alibi. He says he was trapped in a glass box at the time of the crime. "
8) " We just want to get these clowns off the street ! "
9) " We didn't see any reason to tell them they have the right to remain silent. "
10) " Kind of ironic isn't it ? Now they are stuck behind a real glass wall . "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

We're done with these guys.Send in the clowns.
2.) After you've looked at the mimes we'll send in the clowns.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Which one spoke to you?"
"Why are they in black and white?"
"Madam, they always dress alike."
"Do you notice anything different about the shorter one?
"Your guess is as good as mine."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

We didn't have to repeat the Miranda warning.
They obviously took the Miranda warning to heart.
We keep hoping one of them will sing like a bird.
We're having a little bit of trouble finding an interpreter.
We've called the UNC-G theatrical department for an interpreter.
We're surprised they strayed from Tate Street to your neighborhood.
Any of these shoplift that big load of zinc oxide?
They were as close as we could get to your "pasty white" description.
Joan Lux Greensboro

One of them is silent but deadly!
2.) Which one made you suffer for his art?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"It looks like number two is going to plead the fifth."
"Now everyone turn left and pretend you're trapped inside an invisible box."
"No, by law, he does not have to impersonate himself."
"To get one to confess, we're going to have to think outside of the box."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Alright mam...we prepared a Mime-Up for you..."
"Do you see the individual that held you against your will inside the invisible box?"
"Just tell us which one and he'll spend the next 20 years behind invisible bars..."
"Not so funny when the box is real huh fellas?"
"Mam...you DID know that the box wasn't really invisible, right?"
"You guys need to wipe that sad look off your face..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

The frowns, classic case of all dressed up but no place to go !
This isn't the circus, and they're not clowns !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Maybe No. 2 was tiptoeing through your tulips.
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Take your time, they're not going anywhere!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

7. (correction) What did you say the purpetrator did on the sidewalk?
14. Lady, you've got to be kidding!
15. Which one is Tim Rickard?
16. Maam, it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for!
17. The Silence of the Mimes!
18. It's a Sign of the Mimes!
Nancy Nelson

"No. 1. Step forward and smile!
"No. 2. Step forward and say something, anything!
"I see! To ID the flasher, you want the pants dropped!"
"No. 4, Ms. Monk wants you to tip your hat right!"
"We rounded up these four but no one is talking!'
"Let me warn you. Their hand gestures can be pretty rough!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

Which one subjected you to substandard street theatre?
2.)Which one flashed his Marcel Marceau?
3.) Don't be afraid. They're behind a one way imaginary wall.
4.)Which one stole your eyeliner ma'am?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Hmm, I don't know, can you have #2 become trapped in a box again?"
"Number 2, please do your 'stuck in a box' mime again."
"Our suspect has lawyered up - he's not saying a word."
"If you ask me, just dressing like that is a crime."
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

"Number two, please step forward and pretend to be trapped in a box.
Reta

Normally we would ask them to say something ....
This is why we didn't use the color mugshots ...
Which one placed you in the imaginary box?
Sometimes it is not as simple as black and white ...
Number 4, tilt your beret to the right ...
Number two, don't slouch ...
I understand Ma'am ... Last week we had a line-up of Elvis Impersonators ...
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

"Take your time. I don't mime."
David Downing, Greensboro

"Now remember, sometimes it's not what they say but how they say it."
"Sometimes you can tell by what they don't say."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"We're safe ma'am. I have them in make-believe ankle cuffs with an invisible wall between us."
I can't hold them if they've committed no actual crime ma'am, but good luck in your search for a strong, silent type."
Kevin Little

"Do you know what size box your assailant was in?"
Margie DiDona, Asheboro

19. The dog says woof, the cat says meow, the mime says....!
20. They've been muted!
21. Your point is mute!
22. No, none of them have confessed!
23. May we have a moment of Silence?!
24. A mime is a terrible thing to waste!
25. Maam, they're not talking!
26. Maam, they won't talk!
Nancy Nelson

1.)The old woman who lived in a shoe looking at a foreclosure sign and saying something.
2.)Rapunzel at the hairdressers.
Tim Tribbett

"Which one mimed to steal your purse"
ali williamson age 11, Summerfield

Kionah F: Is number two the one who mimed you?
Chelsea D. Sosa: I think I'd better leave before they go down stairs and get away.
Taniya S: Let's interrogate these lunatic fools.
Sawyer R: Oh my gosh, I didn't know you put your suspects in boxes!
Amanda Christina Whitfield: It was the tall one. He called me 'the man' but he didn't really SAY it exactly.
Zaira G: Which one tied up your husband?
Ashlee Askew: Why is number two at five while the others are at six?
Thanh N: They all look the same, so pull and box them.
Holly R: Make a box so they won't see us!

Don't mime a crime if you can't do the time.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

We couldn't find three guys with beards, so we let the suspect shave.
We let him shave, because we couldn't find three guys with beards !
When I get four new golf balls, I pick my favorite number.
When I tell them to raise their hands, look for the one with sticky fingers.
Would you believe one of them is a girl !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

You've drawn " Four of a Kind", but remember, one's a "Joker ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

What not to wear...
Paul and Robin Timmins

I said a mime costume, not a clown costume!
Looks like the guy in the Hawaiian shirt did not get the memo!
What is Gabby doing here?
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

1. "Not to influence your choice, but number 1 pulled a gun on me 6 times this morning."
2. "We think number 2 ate all the evidence."
3. "Careful, they're the worst singing quartet I've come across."
4. "Please let me be the ‘bad cop' this time."
5. "Remember, they're inside an invisible, one way, sound proof glass cube."
6. "I don‘t think these guys are all there."
7. "Wow! How did you get them to stand still Ms. Bobbitt?"
Tom Norman, Greensboro

1. "...then he actually said, "Your place or mime?".
2. "Where's Waldo?"
3. "Actually, they can see you."
4. "Number 3, please step forward and do I'm trapped inside the invisible box again."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "What we have here is a failure to communicate."
2. "I feel like I'm at the zebra exhibit."
3. "I can see why she identified all four."
George Cornett, Greensboro

"They were hard to catch. Turned out their make-believe getaway car was a Mazaratti."
"They're an easy gang to catch. This time I used a giant make-believe lasso!"
Kevin Little
So close on the last one …

That is him officer, the one who looks like Marcel Marceau.
Maybe if I could just hear them talk it would help.
George Creech - Mason, Ohio

1. #2 step forward and pretend to steal a purse.
2. These guys aren't talking.
3. First clowns, now this.
4. We know you guys did it, just tell us how to get him out of the box!
5. Ma'am I'll need you to think outside of the box and tell us which one did it.
Eric Grimm, Greensboro

They gave their family name as "Loquacious."
Said it was part of their initiation into the "Talk is Cheap" gang.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"They won't tell us who did it!!!"
Ciara Tolbert, Age 10, Julian

Which One's Michael Vick?
They all look alike!
Chris Seagraves 12 yrs old, Graham

"The other four couplets ran away from home to find the doctor who started this mess"
Louise

"If you're not sure, you can always change your mime."
"They sure are using that whole 'right to remain silent' thing pretty well."
"Normally, we have ways of making them talk."
"Whisper, because they only think there's glass here."
"Make a choice or they'll be back on the street in no time. Literally."
"There's not a mime's worth of difference."
"I know it's him officer. The gun he used had a silencer on it."
"Number one freaked when I said, "There's never a Copeau around when you need one."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

It was all of them
That's the one!
Ask Number 2 to smile
It's none of them, the one we saw had a personality
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

I can assure you #2 was wearing only his beret when he mooned me officer.?
This extreme mime movement? has got to stop, flashing at the church raffle is a crime.?
Mimes are getting awfully aggressive in this economy, #3 flashed me yesterday.?
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Couldn't get a word out of 'em."
"You're on your own ma'am."
"Number 2 claims he was in his invisible box all day."
"Can you read lips?"
"They could crack any moment now."
"One of these things is not like the others."
Ian Knight, Greensboro

1. Could you ask each one to say something?
2. But he didn't say anything!
#8, (the Communications Officer of TOBRFC [The Official Brewster Rockit Fan Club])
Marcia Minsky
The few, the proud …

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
What was it like judging this week's entries? Read the following: "AFLAK!" Now read it a couple hundred more times and you've just read this week's entries. We picked from those entries based on variation and which ones we received first. But overall, good entries for a very limited-themed cartoon.
Personal note to Jimmy Carter of Eden: You're welcome, and thank YOU!
Rankin was the school winner this week in the Jr. category.

WINNER
The heck with Disney company policy!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

JR. DIVISION WINNER
I have a good feeling I'm going to be the toughest one in the lake.
Thao Vi Thi Huynh

JR. DIVISION RUNNER-UP
Ajay L: Give me a tattoo of Quacker Oats.

RUNNERS-UP
"A nice 'V', with me in the lead"
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

Put "DECOY" with letters big enough to see across a lake!
Kevin Little

"Daisy Forever"
Judy Riedel, High Point

"So I finally ask her for her number ...turns out she was just a decoy."
Bob Mannary

"How about ‘Fly south or die'"
Mike. Creech, Springboro, OH

Will you accept a down payment
Bill Wallace, High Point

OUCHFLAC!
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

"Anything but AFLAC."
Bob & Juanita Langlais, Kernersville

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
AFLAC jokes from everybody

Can you do Anthony Edwards in "Top Gun?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"I miss Little John..."
"Why Gilbert Gottfried...I mean really...I don't sound anything like that...do I?"
"So he says, 'Hey wait a minute, since when is Pismo Beach inside a cave?'"
"...and when he ejects out of the jet he hits the canopy and it kills him...I admit it...I cried..."
Bob Mannary

Can you do something by Audubon?
Tim Tribbett.Greensboro

The ink just keeps flowing off like some sorta liquid off an aquatic fowl's dorsal region.
Tim Tribbett

"How about "Confit before dishonor?"
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

"Give me something despicable."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Something tasteful maybe. Like Bucky the Robot?
Marsha Minsky, LosCon 36

BEST/WORST PUN
Several that mentioned putting it on his bill.

Will you accept a down payment?
Bill Wallace, High Point

BEST POEM
Said the goose, with the highest of candor,
"I'm in love with a prize of a gander!"
So she put out her wing
And endured lots of sting
As an artist proceeded to brand her.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

My mom said tattoos are taboo.
I say what harm can they do!
I would not be me
if I couldn't fly free,
I know she cares, but it's time for her to let me go,
Sometimes she needs to listen to me!
In reality,
it's only a way to express my personality!
Since I love her dearly.
just put MOM in a big red heart! Then she'll know
wherever I go,
whatever I do, she'll always stay with me.
Nancy Nelson

Decisions, decisions, decisions,
I want a tattoo with a lot of vision,
could it be Duke, State or Wake?
Naw ! that I could not take.
I think I will go with Carolina Blue,
a big horned Ram and Nike shoe.
When they come home from the final four
I will be there to greet them at the door.
Go Heels!
Don Rankin, Greensboro

MATURE
"What's invisible and smells like the Christmas Dinner?"
Bob Mannary
I don't wanna know.

BEST WRONG CAPTION TO THIS WEEK'S CARTOON
"OH, HE'S TOO FINN-ICKY!!!!
(from a cartoon months ago featuring goldfish)

TOP VOTE GETTERS
In order (several of these had the same number of votes)
This week, for the first time, none of my top picks were picked by any other judge.
Can you guess the ones I voted for?
The heck with Disney company policy!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Will you accept a down payment
Bill Wallace, High Point

"A nice 'V', with me in the lead"
Stephen Botts , Greensboro

"How about ‘Fly south or die'"
Mike. Creech, Springboro, OH

"Anything but AFLAC."
Bob & Juanita Langlais, Kernersville

"Daisy Forever"
Judy Riedel, High Point

"So I finally ask her for her number...turns out she was just a decoy..."
Bob Mannary

OUCHFLAC!!!!!!!
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

Put "DECOY" with letters big enough to see across a lake!
Kevin Little

Nothing fancy,it's almost time for me to molt.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I don't know, Dude. Just wing it!"
Sharon Shepard, Jamestown

I want" If you can read this you're migrating too closely"
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

You had the only shop approved by PETA
Bill Wallace, High Point

"Two words: ‘F&@# Aflac!' "
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"OK! Now feather the edges."
John Koppel, Greensboro

I want a tattoo of a blue sailor suit covering my whole upper torso.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I want the Chinese symbols for "Not for consumption."
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

I'm not sure "Born to quack" will raise any eyebrows.
Bill Wallace, High Point

Surely you can hit a sitting duck, can't you ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Try not to ruffle my feathers."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Hurry before the booze wears off !
Tom Norman, Greensboro

THE SCHOOLS
Rankin Elementary, submitted by Louise Monroe
Nicholas H: Give me a swan-tacular tattoo, man.

Zaira G: Shave off my feathers first so my mother won't see my tattoo when they grow back.

Thanh N: Don't put a tattoo on me or you'll have a wing that'll flap in your face.

Amanda C. Whitfield: I would like a tattoo with a rainbow pony and a lollipop.

Chelsea D. Sosa: Hey, bald dude, I want it in big letters, "Twilight Zone reeks!"

Holly R: I hope Bugs Bunny won't come up to me and say, "What's up, Doc?"

Kionah F: Put my girlfriend's name on in erasable ink.

Ashlee Askew: Is this ink something I can wash off because my wife didn't want me to get one?

Sawyer R: Dude, I think I want something like AFLAC.

Taniya S: Guess I won't be able to say quack-a-doodle-doo!

Thao Vi Thi Huynh: I have a good feeling I'm going to be the toughest one in the lake.

Imani Campbell: Hey watch out! You might rip MY shirt, too.

Kyara B: Be quiet and let me give a tattoo already!

Jasmine Watson: Is that needle going to 'quack' me up?

Erin Anderson: Hey, before you start, let me say something....OUCH!

Sharee M: Please put I'm a swan, not a duck. Swans are cuter than ducks.

Frazier Elementary, submitted by Louise Monroe
Arianna Wright: So, like dude, do you have a duck on a motorcycle? Quack!

Ajay L: Give me a tattoo of Quacker Oats.

April Alcantar: Artist: Are you sure you want this tattoo?
Duck: My wife won't be quacking when she sees this.

Nathanael Greene Elementary, submitted by Jennifer Caligan, 5th Grade Teacher
1. "Can you make it a picture of Carl Edwards?" AFLAC!
By: Joshua Apple

2. I hope I don't get a "bill" for this!
By: Shelby Williams

3. Maybe if I have tattoos the fox and wolf will think I'm tough!
By: Morgan Register

THE REST
Nothing fancy,it's almost time for me to molt.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"A...F...L...A...C..."
(hope that cancels out all the other AFLAC jokes!)
Sorry, it didn't.
"I miss Little John..."
"Why Gilbert Gottfried...I mean really...I don't sound anything like that...do I?"
"Can you just put it on my bill..."
"This is gonna ruffle a few feathers..."
"Huh...I guess you're right...if I walk like a duck and I sound like a duck..."
"No daggers or swords...the holidays are coming..."
"Dude...that's a soldering iron..."
"Can you do a zipper?"
"I must be quackers to be doing this..."
"So he says, 'Hey wait a minute, since when is Pismo Beach inside a cave?'"
"...and when he ejects out of the jet he hits the canopy and it kills him...I admit it...I cried..."
"So I finally ask her for her number...turns out she was just a decoy..."
"Phhhfffttt...Hey?!?!?...Did somebody step on a duck?"
"What's invisible and smells like the Christmas Dinner?"
"That's Daffy Duck with a 'D' not with an 'F'!!"
"A guy and a duck are walking down the street together. Suddenly the guy notices a low flying airplane coming right at them. The guy yells out 'DUCK!!!!' The duck looks angrily at the guy and yells 'MAN!!!'
Bob Mannary

"Daisy Forever"
Judy Riedel, High Point

What do you mean you've never heard of Aflac?
Pam Hart, Siler City

"AFLAC!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

Put "MOM" in an egg on my upper wing.
Ken Layton, Carthage

Put "AFLAC" in a heart on my chest.
Ken Layton, Carthage

I'll pay extra if the tattoo captures my waddle.
Do I have to be plucked for this tattoo?
A really big fancy heart . . . and "Donald."
I want my coat of arms with the motto "Semper Quacking."
I'm a swimmer -- make my tattoo suitable for YouTube.
Any tattoo without the word "lame" in it.
Joan Lux Greensboro

1) its spelled...A..F...L..A...C
2) i hope you guys have a good insurance company
3) i want that gieco lizard put right here..
4) im lightheaded, you could knock me over with a feather
5) you said how much does this cost.....a hundred beaks?
6) i did this same tattoo on a goose last week
7) its like deja vu, next your gonna cook me
8) duck duck choose already
9) ouch....**** a duck
10) i said a mallard not a mallot....geez
tyler olson-greensboro

A tattoo of my 8 ducklings -- but leave off the word "octoduck."
Joan Lux Greensboro

Can you do Anthony Edwards in "Top Gun?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Daffy is going to be psyched that I put his picture on my wing.
Do you do bill piercings here too?
This will prove I'm no chicken!
OUCHFLAC!!!!!!!
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

1.) I hope my AFLAC pays if it gets infected.
2.) 2.) An arrow pointing south please.Last winter I ended up in Canada!
3.) 3.) I can't pull off that Navy costume without some tats.
4.) 4.) The heck with Disney company policy!
5.) 5.) I hope my AFLAC pays for hepatitis!
6.) Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"All the other ducks are getting one, and I just want to fit in."
"Yes, Mother Duck, inside a heart."
"I'd like a cartoon duck getting a tattoo."
"Just put this tattoo on my bill."
"How about 'Fly south or die'"
"I would also like my ears and lip pierced. If only I had ears and lips!"
"If I had ears and lips, I'd get them pierced too while I am here."
Mike. Creech, Springboro, OH

"That's right, it was Momma's family name,...A...F...L...A...C!
Bruce Aglio, Kernersville

"Go easy on the feathers. this is my first tattoo!"
Janice Gore, High Point

"Aflac duck gone gangster"
ali williamson, age 11, Summerfield

Why am I doing this ?
Will this hurt ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I hope you are using waterproof ink..."
Rich Riedel, Durham

This will probably ruffle a few feathers back at home office.
Stop ! I need a commercial break !
Think this will ruffle a few feathers back at the office ?
Wait till the Easter Bunny sees this !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Just put it on my bill !
Of course I'll pay. Just put it on my bill !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I don't know, Dude. Just wing it!"
Sharon Shepard, Jamestown

"I hope you use clean quills..."
Laura Riedel, Durham

"Aflac.........Helvetica....36......BOLD."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

This should be just "ducky!"
Diana Carter, Reidsvill

Can you put "paid in full" on my bill??
Yes, I'm 18, but I left my ID at home.
I'm sober, didn't you notice how I waddled in.
I don't care if it is your weekly special, I don't want a "bullseye" on my back.
Ronnie Harrison

Put "Susie"---if things don't work out with her, I'm molting next week anyway!
Put "DECOY" with letters big enough to see across a lake!
Put an arrow pointing North---I'm migrating this week and hate asking directions!
Kevin Little

I want it to look like my face saying ... QUAAAAACK
Erin

"I just want a Nest, Mom, and an Arrow thru it"
Daniel J. King, High Point

You scare me Dude!
Make it quick,I hate needles.
Don't you hate it when?they look at you and say"Quack"?
I have a great health plan, they even pay for tattoo removal!
That's right"I love DD in a red heart" Make it quick.
I hope you know First Aid, I'm a bleeder
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

"Put it on my bill."
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

1.) Can you tattoo some feathers where I've molted?
2.) 2.) I want a tattoo of a blue sailor suit covering my whole upper torso.
3.) 3.)This HAS to be the most realistic whole body duck tattoo ever done!
4.) 4.) I want some camoflauge for duck hunting season.
5.) 5.)After the arm I want a damp stamp above my tail feathers.
6.) Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I'm pretty sure there's only one "F" in Aflac.
Ed Deckert, Summerfield

Hansboro or Lawson ? I just can't decide.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

Duck!
Paul and Robin Timmins

I was thinking about a 747.
Elaine Snipes, Greensboro

1. "Bold letters please, ALFLAC."
2. "I've got Mother on my chest, Rose on my other arm, Kiss Here on my butt, and leaving on my mind!"
3. "I've heard of Navy seals, but never knew about the duck Marines."
4. "Can I pluck my feathers and start over if I don't like it?"
5. "I have no duck to call my own, I should duck my head into water, but then I would be a lame duck, I think I'll duck out of here."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

Can you do something by Audubon?
Tim Tribbett.Greensboro

"Make me Mallard green."
"Give me Daffy, Donald, and Howard."
"If anything goes wrong, I'm covered."
"You smell chicken?"
"Reminds me of a past oil spill accident."
Ian Knight, Greensboro

I want a donkey on the left one and an elephant on the right one.
Tim Tribbett

1. I need something eyecatching, I want to be the next America Idol!
2. Just Wing it!
3. I hope you're not a Quack!
4. I'm applying for an AFLAC job!
5. Use lots of red, I need the sympathy votes!
6. Just put AFLAC!
6. I just joined the Mile High Club!
7. Put EAT MOR CHIKIN !
8. Quack, quack, quack!
9. How about, Come FLY with me!
10. Angel wings would be nice!
11. I just got my wings clipped!
12. Is your inks organic!
12. Will it hurt?!
13. You steriled that needle didn't you!
14. Ouch!
15. It's a AFLAC job requirement!
16. Quack, I thought this was a Beauty Parlor!
17. DUCK!
18. Eat my Feathers!
19. Feather my NEST!
17. No wait, I just wanted to sell you an AFLAC business policy!
18. Do you have AFLAC?
19. Bill me later!
20. If you hurt me feathers will fly!
21. If that needle give me bird flu, I'll sue you!
20. Put vegetarian!
Nancy Nelson

* "I need a dozen decorated eggs"
* "Do "Duck Soup". That's what happened to my sweetheart!"
* "Will it hurt? I'm chicken!"
* "On my butt put " I AM NOT DAFFY!"
* "Can you do one to scare hunters?"
* "You mean I'll be your first duck!"
* "Turn me into an eagle!"
* "Do that skull. I want to frighten some nasty geese!"
* "I don't know. I am allergic to pain!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1.) I want some tats with really fowl language
2.) I think Donald suggested you but I'm never really sure what the #$%&* that guy is saying!
3.)This'll show uncle Donald that little Dewey is a all grown up!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

21. Put 99!
22. Nascar and Carl Edwards still love me!
23. This is just ducky!
Nancy Nelson

It's spelled" A-F-L-A-C" Use BIG letters.
Dave Derence, Greensboro

I want chicken wire tattooed around my biceps
Tim Tribbett

1.)I want"If you can read this you're migrating too closely"
2.) I want "I would rather be taking da plane ,da plane".
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I can't seem to get that gecko off of my mind.
I want the Chinese symbols for "Not for consumption".
On second thought that Bulls-Eye Tat may not be a good idea.
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

"...and make it look like the water's just rolling off."
"How about "Confit before dishonor?"
"A nice 'V', with me in the lead"
"Dr.Ake"
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

Is it too late for me to duck out ?
Surely you can hit a sitting duck, can't you ?
Hope this will help me come out of my shell ?
Please don't lay an egg on me !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Can you put Lawsons big toe across my bill ?
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"OK! Now feather the edges."
John Koppel, Greensboro

You really get under my skin !
He really gets under my skin !
This place really gets under my skin !
Is it waterproof ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Do you think parents will stop reading my rhymes to their kids?"
"I've found the whole Mother Goose gig a bit limiting."
"I want it to look like the cobra strikes when my feathers get ruffled."
"I think you missed a plume."
"I love early bird specials."
"Sir, you got the name wrong. That's a pair of short shorts."
"Do I get free touch-ups when my feathers fall out?"
"I found I was being typecast and only asked to audition for G movies."
"I thought only middle-aged males went through this crisis."
Kris Voy, Trinity

The ink just keeps flowing off like some sorta liquid off an aquatic fowl's dorsal region
Tim Tribbett

"Anything but AFLAC."
Bob & Juanita Langlais, Kernersville

1. "This duck tattoo is a little bigger then I expected."
2. "Is my Hog safe parked outside?"
3. "Give me something despicable."
4. "You touch me with that, you better have Aflac."
5. "Try not to ruffle my feathers."
6. "You know what's really weird? I'm pretty sure you're my son."
7. "What's the matter, never seen a sitting duck get tattooed? Now who's lame?"
8. "Of all the gin joints in the world, I walk into a tattoo parlor."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Something tasteful maybe. Like Bucky the Robot?
Marsha Minsky, LosCon 36 Nov. 27 - 29, 2009

"No, you have to use ink made from red cabbage."
"What do you mean my quills are soaking up the ink."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1. just wing it
pamela olson, greensboro

"SULLY" Man, that dude can fly!
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

Do you do bill piercings too?
Tim Tribbett

1) Just a heart with mom in it.
2) Make it say " I'd rather be going South ".
3) How about MR2DUCKS !
4) I want it to say " Daffy is God .
5) Just write " Fly to Live, Live to Fly ".
6) I want it to say " USDA Grade A ".
7) Hurry before the booze wears off !
8) Make it say No ugly ducklings or fat chicks. (sorry)
9) I want it to say " I break for eggs " .
10) Just write " Wise Quacker " .
11) I'd like it to say " The Duck stops here ".
12) How about " Down is Murder " .
13) Make it say " I'm a Quack Addict " .
14) Make it say " Bad Spellers do it Bitter "

15) After this I want to get a tramp stamp !
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

Isnt there another way to get a tattoo
Just to warn you, I have a phoba of needles
Cant you just stamp a tattoo on me?
Chris Seagraves

Is henna an option?
"quack quack" You want what?
how do you shave feathers
on second thought body piercing is more noticable
Its how much?!?!
why cant you tattoo fethers
Im making a statment with this foot tag
How do you spell that in duck
Paul Seagraves, Graham

"Two words: ‘F&@# Aflac!' "
"Draw a picture of the Aflac Duck lying in a pool of blood."
"Write: ‘Daffy is my baby's daddy.' "
"Draw a picture of the Aflac Duck sautéed on a bed of rice pilaf."
"Can you talk dirty to me while you do it?"
"I'd like a picture of Donald Duck ice skating over the corpse of Walt Disney."
"The last guy told me to turn my head and cough. Was that wrong?"
"Draw a picture of Calvin peeing on the Aflac Duck's lifeless body."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"I heard that you're very good!"
"Do you think that you could make me look like an endangered species?"
Dottie Satriano, Summerfield

"Draw me something that people will quake about!!"
Jim Satriano, Summerfield

I?m broke this week so put it on my bill Sid.
How about a ?damp stamp?
Your parlor is way off the normal migration route.
How about something that compliments my migration tag.
Just don't ruffle my feathers partner.
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Something to ruffle the boy's feathers down at the bar."
"Make it to my best friend, Daffy."
"I changed my mind. On the rear please."
"And when you finish, I would like one of those ear ring in my nose."
"Will this lead to a NBA career?"
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"So I was thinkin' somethin' cool like a cat or a snake, which one do you think"
Ryan Natal, age 12

"Anything but Yogi Berra."
Ed Greenawald, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

This week's entries were much better than I expected. Some of you took this in areas I hadn't thought of. Good job.
Congrats to Frazier Elementary for the Jr. Win.
The most enigmatic entries this week were ones for a tattoo parlor. Several. From different people. Wrong contest? Or mind games ... or maybe they were clairvoyant and writing captions for a cartoon I haven't done yet ... hmmm ... tattoos would be a good subject ... (cue "Twilight Zone" music ... )

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON

WINNER
"I was passed around a lot as a kid."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

JR. DIVISION WINNER
Doctor, I'm having motion sickness!
Khaliq - Frazier Elementary

JR. DIVISION RUNNER-UP
I can't stop bouncing checks.
Ethan Wright — Nathanael Greene Elementary

RUNNERS-UP
I just don't think I'm bouncing back like I should.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I can't seem to maintain a relationship for more than 5 seconds."
Tom Norman

I would like to retire, but what would I do? Spend the rest of my life in a garage?
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

"Doc, I need help here. Quit filling out your bracket!"
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

"Well doc... ball's in your court..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"I'm a basket case."
Judy Riedel, High Point

Sometimes a hoop is just a hoop Doc.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"I've got a basketball jones."
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH
Oh, great. Now that song is stuck in my head.

"So I ask Mr. Owl and he gets to three and that's it!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Then ask Mr. turtle …

"I tried out for Wilson in Castaway, but they told me I wasn't white enough."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Doc, it's the NCAA, how can I perform with kinesophobia?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
I think it means fear of movement

You look sorta like Senator Ervin.
Freud, Jung, Adler! Don't you have any ideas of your own?
Max Harless, High Point

BEST INSIDE JOKE
" You of all people know of my fear of snakes, and you schedule me right after one ?!!! "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

I'm in worse shape than that snake you helped in Dec. '07.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"The snake highly recommends you."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"So has snake been in lately?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
WOW! Special kudos to Joel, Brent, Bob and Joan for recognizing the Psychiatrist from a snake cartoon a year ago.

"I wonder how I'd look like with a mustache?" — (Shamelessly stolen from this week's Brewster Rockit comic strip. Sorry Tim.)
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

Brewster says the ball is in his court
Nancy Nelson

BEST POEM
Every year folks are getting their kicks
For March Madness with bracketed picks.
There are also the dreams
Of the NIT teams
Fighting over who's ranked sixty-sixth.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Let's clear the air,
March Madness is hard to bear,
All the basketball teams are vying for their claim
to fame,
All the fans are cheering in their recliner chairs,
Everyone is giving their all in the name
of the Game,
But in the end when all is said and done,
Only one team can score the final win
and for most of us April Sadness will begin.
Cheer up my friends, Have no fear
Easter will soon be here!
Nancy Nelson

MATURE
I have envy of WHAT?!
Sometimes a hoop is just a hoop Doc.
Our sex life has went downhill since my wife got flat.
Mark McGwire suggested you.He's very knowledgable about ball shrinking.
Bah-dum-BING!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I like wearing my wife's nylon netting."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"There's 2 seconds on the shot clock and I'm thinking tonight it's a slam dunk for sure. So I'm heading down court but she calls a timeout! By this point I'm bouncing off the walls hoping to get back in there and see if I can get another shot off before my time runs out but she keeps making me wait...so I end up going home blue..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

THE SCHOOLS
Monroe, Louise, Rankin school captions
Olivia T: I'm losing my bounce, man! What's up with me? Gimme legs and shoes and I will give running a shot! Just fix me up!

Nicholas Harden: I think I have brain damage from all this dribbling.

Sharee M: Ever since I let Lebron James use me in games, I've lost a lot of weight.

Vi Thao: In the middle of the game, I'm going to pop!

Erin Anderson: Hey, can you help me? People give me a lot of bruises. Give me some ice or something.

Jasmine W: I'd have athlete's foot, but I don't have any feet!

Amanda Whitfield: I'm just tired of rolling and bouncing on my head all day.

Jordyn D: I hate it when I get stuck in the net; it gives me a wedgie.

Jimmy O: I feel so used.

Imani C: There I was in the garage, and children came and bounced me. Then they blew me up. Now I have more lines.

Kyara B: I'm tired of getting bounced around everywhere...almost every second!

Stan R: When some kids were playing basketball, they shot me and knocked me into the middle of the next three centuries!

Chelsea D. Sosa: Duke is so fierce they throw me like a cookie. Soon I'll be purple!

Zaira G: I feel like the coach doesn't think of me as part of the team!

Taniya S: This is too many back bends from the back of my body. (On the backboard, of course.)

Holly R: Doctor: Did you make a shot?
Ball: No, but I would pop open!

Thanh N: Is this guy recording all my shots because I'm a big hit!

Kionah F: Doc, basketballs have jokes, but people don't think so. So, here's a joke. How does soup become rich?
You put fourteen carrots in it! Ha, ha!

Sawyer R: I pay you by the hour and it is only half-tiime!

Monroe, Louise, Frazier Elementary's computer captions
Khaliq: Doctor, I'm having motion sickness!

Brianna P: I'm getting tired of people bouncing me aournd. I'm getting headaches.

Ny'Asia D: I'm sick of being a basketball. Everyon keeps bouncing on me.

Mekensie B: Why do I have to play? The rim and I are hurting so bad!

Thuy R: Sometimes I just feel like a slam dunk when I am on the basketball court.

Martin J: Doctor, my head hurts 'cause the basketball teams keep doing three-pointers and slam dunks and they don't catch me when I'm falling.

Elizabeth J: Why does the tiger basketball team treat me so wrong? I am orange and black, too.

April A: I'm such a good vegetarian that I'm now orange!

Ajay L: I've lost every game and my boss said he would fire me if I don't win. It is sooooo sad for me.

AriannaW: I just feel like I'm being used!

Jose D: I don't feel like getting face burst, so I will not bounce back to the games.

Entries for Nathanael Greene Elementary School from Jennifer L. Caligan,
"If I'm not mistaken I think you were letting Duke win." said the coach.
"No"
"That's going on your resume"
By: Mary McElvey

2. Feeling out of bounce!
By: Tyler Thomas

3. The reason my body is so hot is because I just came out of an NCAA game.
By: Morgan Register

4. Basket ball said,"I sure do wish state would win a game."
By Alexandria Branson

5. Doctor, I have a problem. UNC is always winning, and it is making me have no interest in basketball. And the problem is I am one.
By: Nelson Ingram

6. "It just hurts so badly. "
"Easy there, it can't be that bad."
"Hey watch it Mr. or I'll show you how bad it hurts. You don't know what it's like be slapped around for a living."
By: Ben Potter

7. Please don't throw me out of the game!
By: Daniel Scotton

8. Yeah, that's right; they constantly threw me up and down like it was some game! By: Chase Combs

9. Doctor: What is wrong?
Ball: I have a headache from being bounced.
By: Brianna Neese

10. Doc, Doc I'm sick because DUKE won the ball game I think I'm going to PUKE AGAIN
— Morgan Rush

11. "I just don't get why people can't play basketball with footballs."
By: Talie Patalano

12 "I don't get it just because I don't have a name doesn't mean I'm not as special as a Wilson." By: Zachary James
13. "Why do you always have to bounce me out of things?"
By: Kendra Byrd

14. So who's been throwing you around now?
By: Emily Harris

15. "Well Doc, the problem is my soccer ball wife."
By: David Skipworth

16. "Doctor, I think I have a bloating problem"
By: Dylan Ashley

17. "I have too many headaches from getting thrown around."
By Eli Millsap

18. " If they would just stop bouncing me up and down the court."
By Kristina Nelson

19. "I'm tired of being thrown, beaten, and I NEED HELP!"
By Annie George

20. I keep blacking out
By Colton Pickard

21. "The problem doctor is that I am afraid of heights. Please, keep me away from Ty Lawson"
By Najuan Golden

22. I can't stop bouncing checks.
By Ethan Wright

23. I wish the players would just pop me so I would not have to this anymore!
By Tanner Cassell

24. I'm tired of my soccer ball of a wife.
By David Crumby

25. I'm tired of being thrown and beaten.
By Sara Jane Bowers

26. I am always feeling bouncy.
By T.J. Norton

27. I feel like I am a part of some game.
By Schonn Denny

28. I feel so sorry for the back board.
By Aliza Greeson

29. "My wife never wears her ring."
By: Tiffeny Kabler

30. I've been shot a lot and it is giving me nightmares.
By Patrick Terrell

31. It all started when I fell on my face!
By William Crumby

32. "Well doctor, they always push me around, throw me to the floor over and over again, shoot me…so do you think you can help me?
By Sam Garrett

33. I need to be pumped up…I have low self esteem.
By Braxton Wilson

34. I feel like I can never reach my "goal".
By Matthew Snuggs

35. I see things doctor. I see someone is shooting me.
By Joshua Apple

36. Doc, I don't know what it is…I keep getting put in the trash basket. When I say stop, they just keep doing it. You know how those people in jerseys are.
By Blythe Hall

37. I wish I could play with good teams like Carolina instead of bad teams like VT, State, Wake, and Duke.
By Nathan Ross

38. I have been traveling a lot lately.
By Logan Newell

39. Doc, do you have an air pump? I have gone flat?
By Adam Hutchens

40. Doctor, I am feeling a little flat today.
By Justes Houle

41. "Ugghhhh, I am always hearing a drumming sound right beside my ear and now I have a MAJOR headache!"
By Tori Treadwell

42. UNC is so lucky I am a basketball. They are always tossing me around. I feel used!
By Brianna Kendrick

43. My head has been hurting from all that up and down commotion. Also me nose is tired of the smell of sweat! I think I am allergic.
By Emily Reyna

44. I need a break from getting blocked all the time.
By Nick Ford

45. I think I have that bug going around…March Madness Fever.
By Caleb Keene

46. Well sir, you see the basketball players are too rough and they bounce me too hard!
By Deisy Rameriz

47. Hey doc, I seem to have a bounce reflex going on.
By Jordan Brown

48. Doctor: Why are you here?
Ball: How do I put this…I have been feeling deflated.
By Austin Jones

49. The reason I have bumps on me is because I think I have the chicken pox.
By Shelby Williams

TOP VOTE GETTERS
Half the cartoons on the short list got votes:
Here's how they broke down in order:

"I was passed around a lot as a kid."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

I just don't think I'm bouncing back like I should.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I can't seem to maintain a relationship for more than 5 seconds."
Tom Norman

I would like to retire, but what would I do? Spend the rest of my life in a garage?
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

"Doc, I need help here. Quit filling out your bracket!"
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

"Well doc... ball's in your court..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"I'm a basket case."
Judy Riedel, High Point

Sometimes a hoop is just a hoop Doc.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"All I do is jump through hoops for everybody."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

I have a fear of crowds but since I work for the Clippers that's never been a problem.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"You are saying that sometimes a hoop is just a hoop!?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
(chances hurt by the similar entry from Tim, who got his in earlier)

I just feel empty inside!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"I'm a hockey puck trapped in a basketball's body."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

my moods have been up and down, up and down. any ideas?
Tyler Olsen

Funny you should say that -- I consider myself well-rounded.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I like wearing my wife's nylon netting."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

SHOOT me!
Nancy Nelson

I have this dream where I show up at practice wearing clothes!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

It's not my fault Shaq can't make a #$%&* free throw!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

THE REST
1.) But I don't even have a mother!
2.) I have envy of WHAT?!
3.) Sometimes a hoop is just a hoop Doc.
4.) A half court shot at the buzzer and I get no credit at all!
5.)Our sex life has went downhill since my wife got flat.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I have this dream where I'm too big to fit thru the hoop.
2.) I have this dream where I show up at practice wearing clothes!
3.) I keep telling them I'm not mad!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Sniff,the other basketballs make fufufun of me cause I make so many shots.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I can't explain it, I am just always so MAD in March."
"I wonder how I'd look like with a mustache?" - (Shamelessly stolen from
this week's Brewster Rockit comic strip. Sorry Tim.)
"Doc, I need help here. Quit filling out your bracket!"
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

I'm not an egomaniac . . . but I do cause madness and the crazies in some people.
I'm in worse shape than that snake you helped in Dec. '07.
I just don't think I'm bouncing back like I should.
Doc, your face is so familiar -- hang around Tobacco Road much?
Joan Lux Greensboro

Funny you should say that -- I consider myself well-rounded.
If I hear "follow the bouncing ball" one more time . . . .
At least with you, Doc, there's no taping up of body parts.
Joan Lux Greensboro

"I'm a basket case".
Judy Riedel, High Point

1. The nightmare's are back doc. Dribble, dribble, dribble...and no shot!
2. The NIT is okay, but give it to me straight...do I have NCAA envy?
GregDeal, Greensboro

Bangs me off the floor. Throws me against the glass. Slams me thru a hoop. Doc, I think he has some "anger management" problems.
George Subasavage, Greensboro
Liked this concept, but it needed to be briefer

Well Doc it all started out when I was a chew toy for the dog...
Paul Seagraves, Graham

Are you drawing cartoons of me again!
Paul Seagraves, Graham

Doc, do you think it's wrong for me to be in love with Tyler Hansbrough?
Ken Layton, Carthage

I have Pathophobia? A fear of germs? Well, Doc, those guys never wash their hands. . .
Ken Layton, Carthage

1 Sometimes I just feel like hiding under the bleachers!
2. Sometimes I just feel like hiding in the locker room!
3. They think ever time they hit the rim I should go in!
4. I don't shave points!
5. I don't have a favorite team!
6. I'm really pumped up for tonight!
7. Game on! 8. Don't they care that it hurts when I hit the rim!
9. No insider tips here!
10. How much are you paying me for my insider tips?!
11. You're supposed to be helping my stress not asking me my picks! 12. I need stability in my life why can't they stop bouncing me around!
13. Was this appointment for me or for you?!
14. Those three point shots aren't easy you know!
Nancy Nelson

"Doc, I don't know what's wrong. I'm just a basket case"
Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro
Nice, but you were beaten to the punch by a shorter version

I'm tense about Chinese characters replacing the "Wilson" on my back.
I'm not worried about the economy -- my problem is with underinflation.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Let me bounce something off of you ..."
Jon Barsanti Jr

"I'm crazy I tell you, crazy." I think I have March Madness!"
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville

What do you mean... I've got "March Madness?"
Jan S., Greensboro

Ball says "OK, I'll tell you the truth. I've been making it hard on the
white guys for years now. Is that wrong? I kind of feel guilty about
that! What do you think Dr. Carlin?
chuck kirchner

The truth is I am afraid of hieghts.
Even Spud Webb could slam dunk me.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

I don't get it. Every year about this time I feel like I am going mad.
Charles Cameron, Greensboro

"Being tossed around is one thing, but playing for my 2 least favorite team is worst!"
"Well, Mr.Trogget, I get sick after every game, sometimes so bad I end up in the ER!"
"Right when I JUST started getting into the good part of a book, the just take me away and hurt me!"
"Do you know what it feels like to be kidnapped then assaulted hundreds of time for something other than money?!"
Jordan Frye, 9, Greensboro

1. "So you think I have hoop envy?"
2. "They say they love me but, they smash my face on a hard floor, they fling me around, they hold me under their sweaty armpits...."
3. "I think you have really tapped into the inner rubber me."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

I get no respect! I score 101 points and Carolina gets the credit.
Larry Ring, Pleasant Garden

1.) Hurry,half time is almost over!
2.)The nonanthropomorphized balls are giving me the silent treatment.
3.)Was this Oedipus guy a point guard or something?
4.)Those last second half court heaves scare the bejeebers outta me!
5.) It's not my fault Shaq can't make a #$%&* free throw!
4.)I have a fear of crowds but since I work for the Clippers that's never been a problem.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I've got a basketball jones."
"Dr. Wilson, I don't know why everyone calls me an airhead. I went to college."
"Look, I'm an NBA ball, at the very least I deserve a comfortable couch."
"I know I'm coming off a rebound, but I love her Doc!"
"Dick Vitale keeps calling me a rock."
"Doc, a 16 seed has NEVER beat a #1 seed."
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

"... And so it got to the final seconds of the game, I was in panic, and i just missed, IT WAS HORRIBLE"
" Do you think you can help me Doc, everybody in the NBA has been MAN-HANDLING me"
Ryan Natal

"I've been palmed, slammed and shot - how should I feel?"
"Women think I'm full of hot air."
"I'm a hockey puck trapped in a basketball's body."
"I feel like my life is going in circles."
"My life is going in circles."
"Sigmund Freud...I'm here to see Dr. J!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

1.) Sure, I have my ups and downs but doesn't everybody?
2.)I already know about super egos doc.I work in the NBA!
3.) Mark McGwire suggested you.He's very knowledgable about ball shrinking.
4.)Since you asked I'm actually still not toilet trained.Sorry about the couch.
5.) I feel pretty low but I know I'll bounce back.
6.) I just feel empty inside!
7.) I don't know what you just gave me but I'm having a heck of an hallucination!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

" That's the way the ball bounces," they say. Always blaming me !
I'm tired of being passed around like a hot potato !
Pressure ! Sure ! I'm needled & gauged before every game.
My favorite time of the game is time-out !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Sure my mother dropped me on my head but I bounced right back."
ZhaK

1. "But I'm really not egocentric, basketball IS all about me."
2. "Your Oedipal theory doesn't make sense. I don't have any parents!"
3. "Doc, it's the NCAA, how can I perform with kinesophobia?"
4. "Dr. Fraud, I mean Freud, oops was that a Freudian slip?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "I've been bounced around so much, I don't know if I'm coming or going!"
2. "Hey Doc, how long do I have to do these Jokes on You?"
3. "When does football season start? I'm exhausted!"
George Cornett, Greensboro

How would you?like it if someone wanted to write their name on your forehead with a?Sharpie?
I don't care if I am low on air,?I am not going to have that needle STUCK in me again!
They always blame me, I just do what I am told to do!
It is not my fault they lost, I just go where they throw me!?
If I hear one more time"That's the way the ball bounces" I will deflate!
I went in the basket like I am suppose to do,?and then he threw me in the stands! No respect!
I would like to retire, but what would I do? Spend the rest of my life in a garage?
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

How would you?like it if someone wanted to write their name on your forehead with a?Sharpie?
I don't care if I am low on air, I am not going to have that needle suck in me again!
They always blame me, I just do what I am told to do!
It is not my fault they lost, I just go where they throw me!?
If I hear one more time"That's the way the ball bounces" I will deflate!
I went in the basket like I am suppose to do,?and then he threw me in the stands! No respect!
I would like to retire, but what would I do? Spend the rest of my life in a garage?
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

1-While everybody watches the games, I'm passed, dribbled, slam-dunked.
2-You look sorta like Senator Ervin.
3-Freud, Jung, Adler! Don't you have any ideas of your own?
4-What were you thinking when you bought this hard couch?
5-If I hear you say, "I see" again I'll really go nuts.
Max Harless, High Point

HERE ARE THOSE TATTOO CAPTIONS I MENTIONED
"Oh dear, I can't decide...give me one of each."
Maryfran Carneal, Richmond, VA

"Can you do me in an outfit?"
Jack Murray, Reston, VA

" I was just wondering if you might be able to tatoo a picture of my late husband on my bag?"
Gene and Harriet Hatch

I would like a heart on my arm with the word 'Son'
Irene Moen, Yakima, Washington

"All I do is jump through hoops for everybody."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

It all started when they told me K-R-Z-Y-Z-E-W-S-K-I is pronounced Shu-zhev-ski. I don't know what to believe anymore.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Of course I have issues..!?? I'M MAD !!!!! It's March
No name given

1) doc, im telling you i feel fine, im just a little pumped up.
2) doc, these lines wont go away
3) doc, ive been eating 3 square meals a day, look at me, im still round!
4) I took all the blame even though its the refs fault
5) doc, everytime you stick me with that needle i feel bloated
6) doc, why am i a bigger ball then some of my friends?
7) doc, i couldnt help it, i was feeling ballsy.
8) doc, what happened to your nose?
9) my moods have been up and down, up and down. any ideas?
10) ok ok, ill admit it, it was a lie, i dont even have toes.
Tyler Olsen

"I can't stand being touched!!"
"Well, dad was a football and mom a soccer ball"
"I take a pounding each game with no appreciation!"
"They want me to throw the title game or else it's an ice pick in the valve!!"
"No one understands our game pain, the floor and rim and especially the backboard!"
"After March, we are stuffed into a dark, smelly equipment locker for months!!"
"You are saying that sometimes a hoop is just a hoop!?"
"I get excited every time I score!"
"My money is on NC taking it all!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

I bounce from one thing to another...
judy branch

15. I'm not a Dunkin DoughNUT!
16. I'd rather be bowling!
17. Dribble, dribble, dribble all I ever do is dribble!
18. Does my score add up to a WIN?!
19. Psst...another layup is coming!
20. You have about as much chance of winning that basketball pool as winning the lottery!
21. Talk about floor burns!
22. So what if he hurt his toe, he needs to stand up and take it for his team!
23. I got skinned in last night's game!
24. If you do win, will you be paying those back taxes!
25. You're tall, would you like to play ball?!
26. Brewer says the ball is in his court!
Nancy Nelson

"I like wearing my wife's nylon netting."
"And when I don't hit the rim, they call me "Air Ball."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1. And how would you feel if you kept getting dunked over and over?
2. I'm just not a touchy feely kind of ball, those sweaty, smelly hands all
over me give me hiccups. The women aren't as bad though.
3. I can't take the pressure much longer, I think my skin is wearing thin.
4. Sure I have pressure, they blow me up constantly.
Sandi O'Reilly, Greensboro

"Hands...all those hands!"
"I can't believe she dunked me!"
"I was in love, but she passed."
Ian Knight, Greensboro

I keep having the same dream: A tall basketball player from Phoenix keeps singing "Love Shaq."
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"I was passed around a lot as a kid."
"I tried out for Wilson in Castaway, but they told me I wasn't white enough."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"sorry, i can't find your profile on my space.com so let's check your space@hotmail.com
I..Hooper, Greensboro

My head is always spinning and spinning - when it stops, I feel like I'm flying. Can you help me, Doc?
Sheila Cauthen

27. I got GAME!
28. So take me to COURT!
29. My NET profits are down!
30. I FOULED out!
31. I crossed the Line!
32. I couldn't let them keep Free-Throwing me!
33. SHOOT me! 34. Time out!
35. SCORE!
36. What do you mean the clock is ticking?!
Nancy Nelson

I was born at a very early age in life!
It all started when I accidentally knocked on Michael Jorden's door
I've been coming here for years, can't you get me a chair that fits!
Write this down for "This Week's Cartoon"
It's not my imagination, people are always pushing me around
I have a lot of ups and downs
The girls can't keep their hands off me
What do you mean, I'm full of hot air!
With a little work, I'd make a great stick figure
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

1. "I'm always getting groped, tossed, and pounded by sweaty giants while people cheer. It's humiliating!"
2. "I'm paying you a hundred dollars an hour and the best you got is ‘life is full of ups and downs'."
3. "I feel empty inside."
4. "Honest, the only thing I'm repressing is air."
5. "I'm a basket case Doc."
6. "How do I feel about Duke? Shouldn't we be talking about me?"
7. "I'm constantly getting my face slammed against hardwood floors. I am in touch with my feelings, it'scalled pain."
8. "I can't seem to maintain a relationship for more then 5 seconds."
9. "I just seem to bounce from one relationship to another."
10. "Hey, no trash talking! You're suppose to be helping me."
11. "No matter how much I'm dribbled, it's never good enough for my mother."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Everyone always wants to shoot me!!!
All day long its up and down, up and down.
You have someone stamp NCAA across your forehead and see how you feel.
I am not full of hot air.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

1.) I do have a little depression but I think it's because I'm under inflated.
2.) I've lost the bounce in my step
3.) That last ink blot looked like a Duke and a UNC player sharing an um...intimate moment
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"...and these guys busted into the room, yelling, 'we're from the NIT!' and they began painting me red, white, and blue!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

I was kinda hoping you could pump me up some doc.?
After games I always feel deflated.?
I get tried of hearing how I?m not as patriotic as my cousin, the red, white, and blue ball.?
How would you like to go through life being called Spalding??
If just one more guy puts his sweaty hands on me I think I?ll lose it.?
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Ever since they introduced the 3-point line I've had a fear of flying."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Sometimes I just feel so deflated..."
"...and I look down and it says 'Inflate to 2lbs'"
"She's driving me crazy! I jump through hoop after hoop but it's never good enough!"
"There's 2 seconds on the shot clock and I'm thinking tonight it's a slam dunk for sure. So I'm heading down court but she calls a timeout! By this point I'm bouncing off the walls hoping to get back in there and see if I can get another shot off before my time runs out but she keeps making me wait...so I end up going home blue..."
"Well YEAH I bet against the Globetrotters. I figured the Generals were due!!!"
"I go round and round but I just can't decide whether I'm in or out..."
"I just can't take all the games we play..."
"I'm sorry but I'm a little self-conscious about my dribbling problem...wouldn't you be?!?!?"
"So I ask Mr. Owl and he gets to three and that's it!"
"Well why CAN'T I be like Mike?"
"You'd feel a little unfulfilled too if you played every game at NC State..."
"So has snake been in lately?"
"Well doc...ball's in your court..."
"...and the squeaking just keeps getting louder and louder, and faster and faster..."
"...and he says, 'That's Not a Badminton Birdie...That's My wife!'"
"A catcher's mitt, a hockey puck, and tennis ball walk into a bar..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"The snake highly recommends you."
"It happens every March: madness."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

My caption is : " You of all people know of my fear of snakes, and you schedule me right after one ?!!! "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"I don't know Doc... I just don't seem to have as much bounce as I used to."
"I feel so conflicted. No matter who I try to please, someone else is always mad at me.
"I feel so out of control."
"I feel like they're always fighting over me...the grabbing, the thinking.... I don't know if I can take it anymore."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"You've probably noticed I have quite a dribbling problem."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

Whoa. If this were a basketball game, my effort this week would be an airball. Some of you scored, others clanked it off the rim. I blame myself. Not enough really going on in the art.
And speaking of basketball, this week, in recognition of March madness, I give you a basketball and any sport/team/ pool/ bracket/NBA joke you want to shoot for. Tip-off starts now!
And Jrs., once again it's Nathanael Greene school winning. I swear, it's like they're the UNC of caption writing.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON

WINNER
"Six feet tall, Brad Pitt looks. Who is he trying to kid????"
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

JR. DIVISION WINNER
You are sooooo lucky that I have spell check.
Ben Potter

JR. DIVISION RUNNER-UP
"Oh no, he did NOT put that on his Facebook page!"
Jordan Frye, age 9

RUNNERS-UP
I hate it when he googles himself!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"If only I could Ctrl+Alt+Del this guy!"
Steffany Gamsby, Colfax

TAKE OFF THE CAPS LOCK!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I can't do that, I'm not a Mac."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Not tonight I have a virus.
Paul Seagraves, Graham

"The tax deadline is almost here... time for an error message."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

You pervert!
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

I can't believe he is responding to that Kenya email!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

TOP VOTE-GETTING ENTRIES
In order
"Six feet tall, Brad Pitt looks. Who is he trying to kid????"
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

"If only I could Ctrl+Alt+Del this guy!"
Steffany Gamsby, Colfax

"I can't do that, I'm not a Mac."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Not tonight I have a virus.
Paul Seagraves, Graham

I hate it when he googles himself!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

TAKE OFF THE CAPS LOCK!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"The tax deadline is almost here...time for an error message."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

I can't believe he is responding to that Kenya email!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

You pervert!
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

He's almost finished, wait for it, wait for it, NOW CRASH!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

He's awfully slow today.Maybe he has a virus.
Tim Tribbett

"There he goes… into sleep mode again."
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

"What good is turbo boost when I have Mr. hunt and peck?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

I love it when they can't find the 'any' key.
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

"Don't scan me, Bro!"
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Of all people, I had to be David Duchovny's computer."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Uh, oh. Blogger's block.
Gordon McLamb, Greensboro

TOP VOTE GETTERS JR. CATEGORY
In Order
You are sooooo lucky that I have spell check.
By Ben Potter

"Oh no, he did NOT put that on his Facebook page!"
Jordan Frye, age 9

Stop pushing my buttons, dude!
By: Jordan Brown

BEST INSIDE JOKE
And Dr. Tribbett takes some more good-natured ribbing from his contemporaries. Don't worry, Dr. Tribbett can take it. But be careful, he can also dish it out (just ask Ty)
5. "Tim, you need to stop now! 519 entries to this weeks jokes on you are enough!"
(I refer to the one and only, very funny Mr. Tribbett)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

For goodness sake, Tribbett, you've got enough entries! Just hit "Send!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

No, Tim. Those entries didn't get slightly burned votes, they just got one.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Face it... Cupid's not going to reply to your email from last month.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

The cartoon captions have to be in 12 noon not 12 midnight!
Nancy Nelson

The poor bastard is sending more lame jokes to TJOU. He never wins!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"For gosh sakes please don't try to draw your own cartoon again."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Tim, wake up! Courier press is trying to hack into our files!"
(this is the paper that stole "Jokes on You" idea and used it for their own)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

. . . him, no mouth . . . me, a sleek LCD with a FLOPPY drive. WHO THE HECK DREW US???
Les Thomas
Well ... technically, that's a DVD drive ...

"Good gosh Rickard is that supposed to be a duck or George Washington's left nostril?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Order a copy of ‘Cartoon Captions for Dummies' by midnight and receive a free autographed 8 x 10 glossy of Tim Rickard."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
Hey ... wait ... I thought we were ganging up on the other Tim ...

BEST POEM
In the spring, it is everyone's onus
To pay taxes with minimum slowness.
Though we maybe use Quicken,
It just serves to sicken
Us, funding an AIG bonus.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

MATURE
Work those warm soft hands over the supple curves of my aching mouse, OH YES,YES ,YES! Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

THE SCHOOLS
Monroe, Louise, Rankin school
Erin A: Make up your mind already! I'm exhausted and it is 3:00 in the morning.
Erica G: Get away from me. Your e-mail is not even half as good as mine.
Olivia T: You've got mail! (But no money, 'cause AIG took it.)
Jhakura O: Wow, this is very exciting. I can't believe a dog is dancing for me.
Sharee M. Can you please get me a lady computer? You're using me too much. Take a break.
Nicholas H: When are you going to give up?
Jasmine W: E-mail- you got misery.
Holly R: How come he's dancing when he's on Google?
Thanh N: Why is this dude looking at me like that?
Amanda W: How is he looking at me when the CPU is off?
Ashlee A: Are you looking at your bills again?
Kionah F: Type one more time and I'll overload!
Zaira G: Hey, I 'm a computer, not your advisor!
Sawyer R: And I thought I was dumb!
Chelsea S: This guy's no brainbuster. I think I can fool this one.
Vi T: Turn me off and go to sleep!
Kyara B: Do something fun with your life.
Imani C: Hey, I can see someone's sleepy. Rock-a-by, baby, on the treetop....
Stan R:Get a girlfriend and a new look and a mansion.
Jimmy O: Get off MySpace and get a job!
Jordyn D: Maybe you should brush your teeth once in a while.

Monroe, Louise, Frazier Elementary
Martin J: You look tired. Why don't you turn off my llpsi wi-fi connection and go to bed?
Elizabeth J: Hey, stop getting on too many sites at once! My CPU is about to explode!
Mekensie B: Hey! Why don't you go on something you can get on Thursday at noon?
Thuy R: Hey, can you keep it down? I'm trying to shut dowm here!
Angel N: Why don't you stop clicking and pressing on my friends?
Ajay L: This guy is lazy. I don't think this guy even knows what he is doing because he can't even see.
Arianna W: Don't say that about your sister-in-law!
April A: I'm tired of looking at the same drowzy eyes all the time!
Jose Delacruz: Mouse? This isn't an animal computer!
Khaliq: I wish he'd quit looking up the same thing!

Greene Elementary School, Jennifer L. Caligan,
1. Does this guy know the longer he stares at me the slower I run?
By Patrick Terrell
2. Dude, please shave I beg you and quit pushing my buttons!
By Sam Garrett
3. Why is he pushing my belly buttons?!
By: Tori Treadwell
4.I hate looking at this guy's big nose every day.
By: Caleb Keene
5. Wow I can't believe these people just sit here and stare at us all day…its kind of disturbing.
By:Deisy Ramirez
6. I don't like looking at you either.
By Logan Newell
7. I hope he doesn't give me a virus like on the holidays.
By: Joshua Apple
8. All you do is sit here and type, type, type, all day long. When are you going to get a life?
By: Adam Hutchens
9. Stop pushing my buttons, dude!
By: Jordan Brown
10. I am not at work yet.
By Braxton Wilson
11. Does he have a zit on his nose?
By: William Crumby
12.I can't believe a grown man is getting reservations to go to Chucky Cheese. I thought it was for four year olds.
By Nathan Ross
13. Why doesn't he just stop clicking? Doesn't he know I am tired? Also it is kind of fun to have a staring contest but its just rude when we are not playing a game!
By: Emily Reyna
14. I wonder what my computer would say if it had a mouth?
By Matthew Snuggs
15. Stop staring at me man. I have trained my mouse to bite hands, it can be feisty! Please stop staring or I will shut down!"
By Austin Jones
16. That is one weird looking computer
By Justes Houle
17. Eeeew! This person is ugly, I think I must be going blind.
By Nick Ford
18. Man: I forgot to do my homework." Computer: "I'll mouse you out of this one."
By Shelby Williams
19. Computers are supposed to think for us. Shouldn't we think for ourselves.
By Najuan Golden
20. The same thing every day!
David Skipworth
21. I wish this man would get Roadrunner so I could get faster
By Tanner Cassell
22. Will he ever get tired of chasing that mouse!
By Colton Pickard
23. Stop looking at me!
By Annie George
24. Oh my gosh my keys are killing me
By Dylan Ashley
25 You have to be kidding me
By Dylan Ashley
26. Slow down I can't keep up with you
By TJ Norton
27. He thinks I am fast.
Tiffney Kabler
28. Stop keying me.
By: Sara Jane
29. Dang why does this big nose freak keep on poking me !
By. Eli Millsap
30. Hey dude, have you ever heard of ultra keys?
By Schonn Denny
31. Why is the person looking at me like a fool?
By: Morgan Austin
32. Here we go again the same stuff every day.
By David Crumby
33.Well back to speed dating.
By:Ethan Wright
34. What are you looking at?
By ALiza Greeson
35. "Somebody did not have their morning coffee"
By Zachary James
36. "Get off MySpace!"
By Daniel Scotton
37. "And you call yourselves the top of the food chain."
By Nelson Ingram
38.You are sooooo lucky that I have spell check.
By Ben Potter
39. Dude, you are not going to get that job.
By Morgan Register
40. "Huh? Ebay again?"
By Garrett Bradsher
41. Why won't you give me the right definition and stop giving me several!
By Mary McElvey
42. "Don't click too hard. I don't need anymore broken keys."
By Brittany Clapp
43. This computer is as slow as a snail and quiet as a mouse.
By Tyler Thomas
44. Z-L-M-J-P? Have you ever been to school?
By Chase Combs
45. "LOOK ALIVE!! Do I have to tell you everything?"
By Brianna Neese
46.Why do you have to click on my mouse all the time. Do you know where the "enter" button is?
By Kendra Byrd
47. That mouse got in my computer again!
By Emily Harris
48. "You are not tall, dark, and handsome!"
By Talie Patalano
49. I am not working for you, you gave me that stupid virus!
By Morgan Rush

THE REST
1.) Uh oh,did he just click on reply all?!
2.)Go outside and get some sun ya pasty faced goober!
3.)Well,who the heck told you to wait until April 15th?
4.)I'm capable of processing almost limitless information and he uses me for online scrabble!!!
5.)Do you have any idea what time it is?!
6.)Uh oh,I feel a crash coming on!
7.) Don't go there dude,I'm just getting over that last virus!
8.)Oh for gosh sakes,learn how to spell why don't ya!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a nice rhinoplasty site instead?
Tim Tribbett

1) this guy is a pecker
2) i thought a priest would get in trouble for looking at this
3) ouch, not so hard, that gigahurts!
4) i hate people that stare
5) what in the heck is he looking at?
6) dont get mouthy with me!!
7) no mouth huh, at least you cant say anything mean about me
8) dude, just hit send error report so we can move on!
9) is it 5 o clock yet?
10) i remember this guy....ive got a lot of memory!
11) back up, im not a touch screen.
Pamela Olson

"Hey, I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

"...blog...blog...blog..."
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

3:28 A.M. and he's posting on the Letters to the Editor blog.
A Renaissance man -- You Tube AND the Greensboro Opera website.
His "favorites" read like a diary.
I feel a coffee spill coming on.
He's a few keystrokes short of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
I'm loaded to the gills with information but he uses only Facebook!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

When he dozes off, I'll make his Facebook profile say he's a fan of "Barney and Friends."
Hey, pal! Start surfing to my computer sites instead of your porn, and maybe I'll run faster!
For goodness sake, Tribbett, you've got enough entries! Just hit "Send!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Face it... Cupid's not going to reply to your email from last month.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

(Check the web site for the meaning of this one...)
No, Tim. Those entries didn't get slightly burned votes, they just got one.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

' Why the heck doesn't this guy have Road Runner!?'
Nick Herring, Greensboro

"Boy, I miss when people actuaally left home for adult movies."
"The tax deadline is almost here...time for an error message."
"You know, there's more than just smut on the internet."
"Of all people, I had to be David Duchovny's computer."
"You can press ctl, alt, delete all day, I'm not working!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

You can do better Mitch
Bob Smith, Greensboro

1. This guy sure looks at a lot of internet pornography! I wonder if
his wife knows!
2. This guy is always on Google maps. I bet he's just trying to
figure out where the women he meets online live!
3. This guy looks up a new cupcake recipe every 15 minutes. WEIRD.
4. I hope he's looking up some new furniture from Ikea.
5. Dude, two words: GIRL and FRIEND.
6. I'm this guy's work computer and all he ever does is send emails to
Tim Rickert!!
7. I hope that woman who's coming from across the country to meet him
knows that his eharmony photo is from 10 years ago.
8. What he doesn't know is in 2010 I'm going to turn into a full-figured woman.
9. This guy has some really clammy hands! I wish I had some nice big
bear paws tappin' on my keys.
10. 0001 0101 1101 (friendly.bear hint: binary code)
11. This guy hasn't defragged me in over a month. I'm getting lonely over here!
friendly.bear

Uh-oh, he's in an emoticon mood.
TAKE OFF THE caps lock!
Oh great -- a day trader who's been up all night.
All that factory testing didn't prepare me for this.
I can get rid of him if I jam the "back" function.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Uh, oh. Blogger's block.
Gordon McLamb, Greensboro

"B-O-R-I-N-G"
"Wife at door...."
"OMG.one more freakin' adult on Facebook...."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

Work those warm soft hands over the supple curves of my aching mouse, OH YES,YES ,YES!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"If only I could Ctrl+Alt+Del this guy!"
Steffany Gamsby, Colfax

You don't lead spades to low man, idiot!
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"All I really wanted was a bowl of me lucky charms..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

As the cow said to the farmer, thank you for a warm hand on a cold morning !
The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen !
The one who knows why will always be boss !
To be, or not to be, what kind of question is that ?
His left hand nevers knows what his right hand is doing !
Can't believe he thinks he's in control here !
Wonder if he knows someday soon I'll be a touch screen !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

C'mon dude,don't fall for that Dateline NBC trap AGAIN!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro(having a little trouble with this one)
You weren't the only one.

PERVERT!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Memo To: Human Eyes must have screensavers!
David Jones, Greensboro

"Twitter: Nothing to tweet"
"Twitter: Still investing in the NC Lottery Education Fund"
"I don't know why he bothers looking at his portfolio - his 410k is a 201k right now."
Jon Barsanti

1.) Poor baby.He works sooo hard!
2.) I hate it when he googles himself!
3.)Boy,I sure hope my Norton is working!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I hate it when he gets sleepy and drools on my keyboard!
Tim Tribbett

"There`s no way he can use the web-cam his wife bought him, He has no mouth!"
"Oh no, he did NOT put that on his Facebook page!"
"Honestly, this guy needs to STOP giving my face makeovers. Hmmmm......"
"Hey! I`m so smart, I can take over the world! I`ll start with this guy! Foolish earthling, take me to your leader....."
"QUE PASA?! MY FACE(book) IS STUCK!!!"
"I wish adults liked iCarly."
jr.division,jordan frye, age 9

"Geez, either this guy needs to get a life, or at least stop going on these dating websites"
"YouTube, FaceBook,MySpace,GaiaOnline,Yahoo, is there anything this guy doesn't have.
"So the eagle flew off, Schneider fallts, add coment, is this guy done adding comments on Gaia
Ryan Natal, age 12

"Yeah, well, your ugly mug ain't so great either…
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

He's almost finished ,wait for it ,wait for it ,NOW CRASH!
Tim Tribbett

1. Not tonight I have a virus.
2. (music) do you feel like someone is watching you
Paul Seagraves, Graham

Oh man! Look at this guy. This has to be a joke.
Pam Hart, Siler City

In the spring, it is everyone's onus
To pay taxes with minimum slowness.
Though we maybe use Quicken,
It just serves to sicken
Us, funding an AIG bonus.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"He worked all night on the report. Time for a hard disc crash!"
"Too quiet. Time for a lithium battery fire!"
"So sad. No junk or spam, just emails from himself!"
"Again, no one asking to join his Face Book page!"
"I can't believe he is responding to that Kenya email!"
"EHorney.com again. What a loser!"
"Trouble typing again. He lost control of his domain!"
"Yuk, he picks that huge nose then touches my keys!"
"Those unwashed hands can give me a virus!"
"What does he need the Viagra for?"
"No good. Playing Spider when he should for looking for a job!
Dennis LaJeunesse

"I wish I could reboot him!"
" ... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Launch Fatal Error."
"He flirts in the chat rooms, makes on-line reservations at La Chalet,
buys theater tickets .... Why doesn't he pay attention to me?!?!?!?"
"He's almost done doing his taxes. Right before he hits SAVE I'm going to crash my hard drive."
"Six feet tall, Brad Pitt looks. Who is he trying to kid????"
"I'll keep spinning my hourglass just to see how long he'll sit there waiting".
"Ctrl-Alt-Del not longer works. Esc is your only route."
"I wish I had arms and legs to kick you too."
"Looks like his virtual memory is about gone."
"I'm not going to blink...I'm not going to blink....I'm not going to blink."
"I'm going to keep popping that window up until you answer me!"
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

"Wakee. Wakee!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"There he goes... into sleep mode again."
NINO - Nothing In, Nothing Out
"They each waited for the other to make the first move..."
"Like the economy, they both just waited for stimulus."
"I wish he would quit staring at me like that."
"I hope he keeps his hands where I can see them."
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

He's already crashed!
2. He needs to crash!
3. He'll never get a job looking like that!
4. He's definitively not dressed to impress.
5. Go home, your boss left hours go!
5. Yuk, sticky fingers!
6. Suck up!
7. I think he needs technical support!
8. He's pitiful, I cannot solve all of his problems!
9. He needs to speak up!
10. I can't hear you!
11. Lay off the porn and go to bed!
12. This chum needs to get a life!
13. Mum's the Word!
14. Looks like he forgot to pay his internet bill.
15. Your wife blocked you from that site!
16. Get a life!
17. The cartoon captions have to be in 12 noon not 12 midnight!
18. He needs to GAL!
19. I'm thinking WORM!
Nancy Nelson

Come on dummy, press the send key.
Hal Koger, McLeansville

The poor bastard is sending more lame jokes to TJOU. He never wins!"
"He can't blame TurboTax for those ridiculous deductions. Pet med bills?!"
"Out of the millions of computers, why am I operated by this born loser?!"
"Oh no! Ordering another life size blow up doll!
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1. "I can't do that, I'm not a Mac."
2. "Hurry up with the virus scan, I'm about to hurl all over my hard drive."
3. "Ctrl-Alt-Del. Don't look at me like that, I'm allowed to take a break."
4. "Don't scan me, Bro!"
5. "Stop! That tickles."
6. "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?"
7. "Quit clicking me! I'm going as fast as I can."
8. "My back-up drive has a more exciting life then this guy."
9. "I've got a memory ache."
10. "If I only had a brain."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"For gosh sakes please don't try to draw your own cartoon again."
"Put the Jack on the ten you nitwit."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1. "Tim, wake up! Courier press is trying to hack into our files!" (this is the paper that stole "Jokes on You" idea and used it for their own)
2. "You better think, (think, think), think about what you're trying to do to me."
3. "You look goofier than Goofy!."
4. "We have been doing this for eight hours straight! I'm freezing up now!"
5. "Please don't replay "Charlie Bit Me" again!"
6. "What good is turbo boost when I have Mr. hunt and peck?"
7. "It's : ) or : ( , not :/ you moron!"
8. "If a PC uses AC and 2 gigabytes and a human uses neurons each with synapse and a lot of 'lectrolytes, then what was the name of the bus driver?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "Mama said there'll be days like this..."
George Cornett, Greensboro

I love it when they can't find the 'any' key.
Keep both your hands where I can see them.
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

You dummy, no 16 seed has ever beaten a 1 seed.
Gray Amick, South Regional, Bracketville

Yesterday I sent....
Come on dummy, press the send key.
Please ignore, and replace with...
Now press the 'enter' key, dummy. You can do it.
Hal Koger, McLeansville

Your query for available local jobs that fit your qualifications produced no matches.
Order a copy of Cartoon Captions for Dummies by midnight and receive a free autographed 8 x 10 glossy of Tim Rickard.
Gray Amick, Greensboro

If this guy sneezes on my keyboard one more time, I'm clobbering him with my firewall!
If I catch this clown's virus, I'm giving him every error message in the inventory!
157 games of solitaire and he still hasn't figured out that I've been dealing him 51 cards!
G.A. Rilling, Madison

I'm not going there, Even I have limits
Be sure your sins will find you out
Be sure your cookies will find you out
This is just between me and you, right?
I wont tell if you don't!
What Would Jesus Do?
I'm telling
You pervert!
Be sure to delete your tempoary internet files and cookies
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

He's awfully slow today. Maybe he has a virus.
Tim Tribbett

He must have gotten a federal appointment' he is doing his prior year tax returns
Mary Lou Kyle, High Point

"Good gosh Rickard is that supposed to be a duck or George Washington's left nostril?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"You can google all day but you won't find any Blue danube waltz lyrics."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "Don't you have anything better to do than play online pong?"
2. "Someday your boss is going to catch you playing solitaire."
3. "You need a Red Bull mister."
4. "I'm running out of memory. What was that command again?"
5. "Tim, you need to stop now! 519 entries to this weeks jokes on you are enough!"
(I refer to the one and only, very funny Mr. Tribbett)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Are you sure you want to accept Bernard Madoff's Facebook request?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"What's it going to be today: solitaire or mine sweeper?"
"I think it's time for me to crash."
"All this power and all he does is sweep mines."
"It's time for a user upgrade."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

. . . him, no mouth . . . me, a sleek LCD with a FLOPPY drive. WHO THE HECK DREW US???
Les Thomas

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

The competition in the Jr. Category is really heating up. The winner this week, representing Nathanael Greene school is Garrett Bradsher. How ‘bout you other schools? You gonna let them talk smack about your caption-writing skills? It's ON!
From the adults we had a near-record amount of entries. And good ones, too. I'm glad the economy hasn't made you guys lose your sense of humor. The trick this week was choosing from many similar- themed entries, AIG, bailouts, Madoff, etc. "First come - first served" also counts in how similar entries are picked.

Something different this week. Instead of my usual, "good one" comments, I thought I'd run all the entries that got at least one vote from our judges. We have 10 judges, each with four votes. These are just the entries that got votes, they represent about half the total number picked (from all the entries) to go into a short list for the judges to choose from.
In the Jr. category, because their are fewer entries and fewer slots, the judges only get one vote each.

MULTIPLE VOTES
Oh, no! Looks like AIG beat us to it.
Pam Hart, Siler City

It's like they know where it is or something.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

SINGE VOTES
This looks as bad as my 401K."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

Looks like our CEO took his bonus.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

MULTIPLE VOTES IN JR. CATEGORY
Garrett Bradsher:
"None here, let's try the other end."

by Talie Patalano:
"There has been a wee little bit of a budget cut!"

SINGLE VOTES
Nick Ford:
"Did we take a wrong turn or did your ex-wife get here first?"

Nelson Ingram:
"I can see the government has been here."

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON

WINNER
Oh, no! Looks like AIG beat us to it.
Pam Hart, Siler City

JR. DIVISION WINNER
"None here, let's try the other end."
Garrett Bradsher

JR. DIVISION RUNNER-UP
"Well, back to potatoes."
Joshua Apple

RUNNERS-UP
"Even the rainbow is in a recession."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"I invested with Madoff .. So much for the luck of the Irish."
Jon Barsanti Jr

"Looks like the rainbow went through Washington first!"
Joel Odell, Mayoden

"I guess we apply for the fictional creature bailout."
Kris Voy, Trinity

Well,it's back to the cereal factory I guess.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

I say we use it as a chamber pot & really surprise the next guy.
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
The hands-down winner in this category:
"That's gold, Jerry! Gold!"
Kenny Bania
(By way of Bob Beitzel)

That Rainbow Brite ripped us off again.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

It could be under the pot, Black gold, Texas T !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

BEST INSIDE JOKE
....and here's where we keep all Tim Rickard's royalty money.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Darn,that was all me hard earned giggalo money from servicing Ty Webb.(Actually my maternal grandma was a Webb. Cousin Ty?!) ;)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Let's hit up Ty Webb for a loan.He can really relate to us teensy tiny little wee folk if you get my drift
Tim Tribbett
Oh, it's ON!

BEST POEM
These two leprechauns checked in their pottery.
With financial conditions so tottery.
Their retirement fund
Disappeared! They were stunned!
Now their plan is the Powerball lottery.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I hate rainbows!
Rainbow brite
took flight
on her unicorn last night
as you can see, she boldly took our gold
and left us out in the cold
Now our home must be sold
Brother, have no fear
we'll just use our empty pot to brew up some Irish beer!
We'll sell to friends and family
and buy a brand new place you see!
Turning bad times into good
will help us be more understood!
Nancy Nelson

They traveled long through cold and hot.
Hoping for a fortune in that big old pot.
What they found at journeys end,
was not a penny that they could spend.
The little fellows felt tired and old,
when all they saw was fools gold.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

MATURE
Lucky clover my ass!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Lucky charms my @$$!"
Harley Trero, Winston Salem

THE REST
The following was submitted by Jennifer Caligan, 5th Grade Teacher, Nathanael Greene Elementary
Entry Number 1 by Joshua Apple
"Well, back to potatoes."
Entry Number Two by Deisy Rameriz:
"I knew this would happen...the Easter Bunny probably thought it was his basket!"
Entry Number 3 by Emily Reyna:
"With the economy being this way, anyone could have stolen our gold!"
Entry Number 4 by Nick Ford:
"Did we take a wrong turn or did your ex-wife get here first?"
Entry Number 5 by Brittany Clapp:
"There may be a pot at the end of the rainbow but there sure isn't any gold!"
Entry Number 6 by Sara Jane Bowers:
"It's Gold!!!! Now we can pay for all of our taxes!!"
Entry Number 7 by Alex Graves:
"Inflation!"
Entry Number 8 by Aliza Greeson:
"I thought it was supposed to be a pot of gold, not beans!"
Entry Number 9 by Callen Butler:
"So that is where they got the money for the stimulus package."
Entry 10 by Emily Harris:
"This must be the wrong rainbow."
Entry 11 by Talie Patalano:
"There has been a wee little bit of a budget cut!"
Entry 12 by Morgan Register:
"So this is the prize for being so short?" "Nah, being short is "just over the rainbow!""
Entry 13 by Garrett Bradsher:
"None here, let's try the other end."
Entry 14 by Nelson Ingram:
"I can see the government has been here."

The following was submitted by Louise Monroe, Rankin School
Jordyn D. (third grade) "Wow! So much for the luck of the Irish!"
Holly R: 1st leprechaun: I think the pot is broke! (A couple of them used 'broke' to mean out of money.)
2nd leprechaun: I don't see any crack.
Zaira G: I thought we had GOOD luck!
Sawyer R: I think we went to the wrong pot.
Ashlee A: Where's my friend Lucky with the charms?
Taniya S: Say good-bye to your way back home.
Amanda W: I think the rainbow is broke!
Kionah: Yeah, we're as lucky as can be...
Thanh N: Oh, no, the rainbow was supposed to give us luck AND gold!
Chelsea S: And they say there's gold at the end of the rainbow...
Imani C: I needed that gold! How am I going to pay the tax bill?
Jimmy O: At least give us shamrocks!
Ericka G: We are broke. We'll be living on the street with no gold!
Sharee M: This must be the wrong rainbow.
Jhakura O: The pot's empty! Why'd I go over the rainbow????
Erin A: Looks like we are out of luck.
Nicholas H: So you think the humans stole the gold again? Got to try again next year, then.
Third graders from Frazier are a bit less oblique.
Arianna W
I hate St. Patrick.This four-leafed clover isn't so lucky!
Khaliq
Guess our four-leafed clovers didn't work. It's almost empty!
April
Hey! What did you think was in it?
Ajay
Maybe some people took it last Friday!
Fourth graders from Frazier:
Thuy Rogle: Ummmmm, ahhhhh, we found another pot of gold. What are we going to do with this one?
Mekensie Bostic: All there is in the pot are clovers!!!
Angel Nguyen: Why don't you stick your head in the pot while I get sticks, matches, some water, carrots, and maybe some potatoes?
Martin Jasso: Boy, oh boy. Are we short on gold!
Ny'Asia Dixon: Where is all the gold? I risked my life trying to climb that rainbow!
Martin J : Lucky! Look, there's no gold in there!!!

The new term is "stimulus packages". You don't want to know what's at the other end of the rainbow.
Jack Snead, Jamestown

This reminds me of the ending to the light joke. .and the light at the end of the tunnel was a train.
Jack Snead, Jamestown

1.) Soooo that's were the government got all that stimulus money.
2.) It's like they know where it is or something.
3.)Well,it's still safer than the stock market.
4.) Well,it's back to the cereal factory I guess.
5.) I thought you said gold was a safe bet in this economy!
6.)What the heck is tipping them off?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Yeah, we CEO's will do anything to get at that bailout money!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

1- That isn't the kind of pot I was thinking of!
2- You'll never get that into a blunt
3- Looks like my uncle Paul
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

1. Do you think President Obama would float us a loan?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Why do they even tax us for being a leprachaun?"
Anderson, age 12
"Your skittles taste weird" Addison Miller
(I think this last is actually a quote, but it fits the category great!)

Looks like Congress has redesigned the toilet.
Vic Cresenzo, Reidsville

"I told you these costumes wouldn't work"
tyler olson, greensboro

They did get me lucky Charms
Paul Seagraves, Graham

The economy affects every one and every thing
Ronnie Seagraves, GreensBoro

#1.The Pot Of Gold has now become The Pot Of The Old ..
Christine Keaton, Randleman

It looks like Tim is 'Drawing a Blank' again.
Wow, a week off and back to the grindstone - literally.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

Oh, no! Looks like AIG beat us to it.
Pam Hart, Siler City

The economy affects every one and every thing
Ronnie Seagraves, GreensBoro

I told you we should have invested in real GOLD instead of those stocks and bonds!
Nancy Nelson

Well, so much for the leprechaun stimulus package"
Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro

"Obama needed it for the General Motors (AIG, Citigroup, Chrysler, Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae) bailout...."
George Ewing, Greensboro

That IS a magic rainbow -- those used to be stock certificates.
It's still just a pot of cabbage.
I'm afraid our shamrocks aren't working this year.
Uh-oh, we turned gold into stock certificates.
This year it looks more like a chamber pot.
That's a lot of gold fillings.
That's barely a drop in the bucket.
Joan Lux Greensboro

The Irish sweepstakes invested with Bernie Madoff.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

I remember the days when I was taller and could fit into a smaller hole.
Marty Carty

I see the IRS has been here.
Ken Layton, Carthage

I guess we could use the pot for Irish Stew.
Ken Layton, Carthage

1. Empty,not even any skittles....
2. The fairytales over ....
3.This pot is only good for potatoes.
4. Dont tell me about the luck of the Irish....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Oh My!? Is it half full or half empty?
Brenda Mitchell, Liberty

I told you to stay out of Home Lending.....
I came to repossess your pot.
So where did you say King Midas was vacationing?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"So much for following the rainbow"
" I told you we shouldn't have walked out into public"
Ryan Natal, age 12

What's the number for that fellow on TV who buys gold chains and gold teeth?
Joan Lux Greensboro

1.) I think it was another one of those CEO fellas.
2.)Maybe next time we should try some bonds and CDs.
3.) I wish they would leave me pot alone!
4.)The cops caught up with them at the BMW dealership.
5.) Well,nice going with the whole rainbow idea there Georgie.
6.)What the heck keeps giving it away?!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

These two leprechauns checked in their pottery.
With financial conditions so tottery.
Their retirement fund
Disappeared! They were stunned!
Now their plan is the Powerball lottery.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

It happens every time! Leave the kids alone with the cereal and they take all the marshmallows!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Now we know where congress got the money for the stimuless package.
Robert Atwood , Greensboro, NC

"Looks like AIG has been here again."
"Even the rainbow is in a recession."
"Robbed again? It's time we stop leaving our gold at the end of the rainbow."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

Looks Like AIG got here first.
Roberta Patton, Greensboro

St. Patrick bet us to it ! He's paving new streets up there again !
Just our luck ! It's marked Pot No. 401K !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Can't believe this ! We had a 50 / 50 chance !
See Shamrock, I told you the other side of the rainbow looked greener !
We'll just have to get some red paint and ring those bells like the Salvation Army !
Dail 911 and get some Bell Ringers over here fast !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Hey Shamrock, is this what they mean by Potluck ?
Look on the bright side Shamrock, we know which end the Pot of Gold is on now !
I told you to do a U-turn ! Now we're at a Dead End !
Look ! Not even a penny for our thoughts !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Look at the bright side Shamrock, at least we have a pot to pee in now !
I'd do an Irish jig if that's a pot of gold painted black !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

That was me freakin' retirement money!
2.) Relax,it's soundly invested with an exiled Nigerian prince.
3.) That #$%&* Danny boy cleaned us out again!
4.) I'm not feelin' all that dang lucky lately.
5.) Well bless me frosted lucky charms!
6.) Lucky clover my ass!
7.)....and here's where we keep all Tim Rickard's royalty money.
8.) Darn,that was all me hard earned giggalo money from servicing Ty Webb.(Actually my maternal grandma was a Webb. Cousin Ty?!) ;)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Huh...I guess we're in the upper income tax bracket as well."
Mark Fisher, Candor

"You're right. Those Skittles really did the trick."
Mark Fisher, Candor

"... Ok so lets recite this again, Over the Rainbow, and through the clouds, to the Form of an old Prankster, we're off to make trouble with the people of this land"
Ryan Natal, age 12

Let's hit up Ty Webb for a loan.He can really relate to us teensy tiny little wee folk if you get my drift.
Tim Tribbett

"Stupid recession----another I.O.U"
"This job may have goofy outfits, but the perks are outstanding!"
"Nuts! Gold again. I was hoping for Nilla Wafers."
Kevin Little

Oooops -- let's slide it back a little bit.
Joan Lux Greensboro

Wow! Time to ask Mr. President for our Bail Out Package.
Christopher Smith, McLeansvile

1. "The boss is going to be ticked!"
2. "I told you we should have picked the Steelers."
3. "Oh well lets go have a pint."
4. Lucky charms my @$$!"
5. "Your turn to guard the pot."
Harley Trero, Winston Salem

Relax,it's safely invested in the stock market.
2.) I don't think the honor system is working.
3.) How will I get me leg extension surgery now?!
4.)That Rainbow Brite ripped us off again.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I knew I should have forwarded that good-luck Irish email I deleted last week!"
"Darn it! I knew I should have not have deleted that Irish good-luck email last week!"
"Did you say Bernie Madoff told you about this pot o' gold?"
"Well kiss my Blarney Stone."
"Gone! Just like my 401-k"
"It looks like my 401-k is gone too!"
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

I hate to say this, but we may need Scotland Yard on this one !
Be careful, if St. Patrick bet us here, there may be snakes inside.
Shamrock, you check the inside and I'll check the outside !
Who says Rainbow-Chasers will never have a pot to pee in ?
It could be under the pot, Black gold, Texas T !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

No Irish stew here. Let's go to the Golden Arches !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Empty ! MacDonald said we should follow only the Golden Arches to be filled.
I bet MacDonald found the real gold at the Golden Arches !

Remember ! MacDonald said Golden Arches, not Rainbows !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Aye, Bev said she needed it to balance the budget..."
A.N.Onymous
Please, Tim ...

"With gold through the roof I decided to sell..."
"I invested with Madoff .. So much for the luck of the Irish."
"I invested with Madoff."
So much for our rainy day fund ...
They said the overall odds had improved with the new lottery format ...
"So much for the Luck of the Irish ..."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

Looks like we found out where the stimilus money came from!
Paul Seagraves, Graham

"Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel must have been turned off. Let's go check the other end."
The Nathanael Greene staff
(submitted by Jennifer Caligan, 5th Grade Teacher, Nathanael Greene Elementary)

"It look like Obama's already been here!" -
Mike Wiesner, Jamestown

"Blarney, Madoff got here first!"
"Bernie's Madoff with it!"
"I guess we apply for the fictional creature bailout."
"It wasn't FDIC-insured."
"Yep, I think the R-word is officially the D-word."
Kris Voy, Trinity

It's empty except for words etched in bottom , " Do unto Others as you would have them do unto you ! "
Here's a note from St. Patrick," Do unto Others as you would have them do unto you. "
Only thing I see are three words on bottom that read, THE GOLDEN RULE !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Well,so much fot the honor system.
2.)This won't look good at the shareholders meeting.
3.) If I go down for this I'm taking you with me.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Like they say, "Death and taxes are always certain."
I already live in the woods, how much worse can it get?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"The State is always after me lucky Lottery money."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

All we have left is an IOU from Gov. Purdue.
Eye! The stimulus check gets here when?
President Obama says its for the UAW.
Alan Parrish, Clemmons

We'll probably need a Prism to separate the Gold !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Will they ever learn, Hearts of Gold are better than Pots !
If it comes down to a Pot or a Heart, better the Heart !
Frank C Leonard, Lexington

They traveled long through cold and hot.
Hoping for a fortune in that big old pot.
What they found at journeys end,
was not a penny that they could spend.
The little fellows felt tired and old,
when all they saw was fools gold.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"Look, another toe of frog left by the Macbeth witches!"
"Another toe of frog left by the Macbeth witches! I knew time-share on the pot would be a problem!"
"Not enough to cover my IRA losses!"
"Gold chocolate coins from last Christmas?!"
"It's our bailout beam, not a rainbow!"
"Careful, it may be more Madoff money magic!"
"Lucky Leprechauns my foot. There are those contaminated mortgage securities!"
"It's a foreclosure notice on this pot!"
"The rainbow end is not like it use to be. There is barely enough for two Guinness's!"
"Look, it's Harry Potter! I heard they rented the pot out for extra cash!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Now I don't even have a pot to......well, actually I do."
"Ay, there's the rub."
"I guess it put us over the $250,000 bracket."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Looks like Mr. Madoff has already been here.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

1. "Well Mr O'Clery, I see you've found the stimulus funding source."
2. This looks as bad as my 401K."
3. "Where have all the monies gone? Long time passing."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1) Well, at least we got the change.
2) Must've been over $250,000 in there.
3) I say we use it as a chamber pot & really surprize the next guy.
4) Last time I vote for a liberal!
5) I think it got redistributed.
6) Well at least we can count on our social security.
7) Just because we earned it, didn't mean we deserved to keep it.
Bryan Tribbett- Roanoke, Va.

"Remind me again why we live in a tree."
"We appear to be a little short."
"Another pot of Irish stew destroyed."
"Sort of dampens the entrepreneurial spirit."
"I need a cookie fix. Let's get this over to the Keebler elves."
"It's a special bling order for Snoop Dogg."
"I was just thinking - what if this is all just a metaphor?"
"Wow! I'm beginning to think we're just plain lucky."
"Cool!"
"We better hide this - the rainbow goes into foreclosure tomorrow."
"Some lad named Geithner, said this is his rescue plan."
"I think embracing irony in the middle of an economic crisis is important."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Bernie Madoff took it!"
"Madoff took it - how do you think he got his name?!"
"You think we qualify for a bailout?"
"This is what we get for trusting our goal with AIG."
"Did you call casg 4 gold again?"
"I'll be hitting the Luck Charms early today."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

I told you not to invest with Madoff!
Shelly of Greensboro

Did you tell Bev Purdue this was lottery money?
Shelly Jeffy of Greensboro

"It looks like Congress beat us to it."
Good news! We now have a pot to piss in!"
Mike. Creech, Springboro

I tried to tell everyone they were after our lucky charms.
Rainbow upkeep is so expensive these days.
I sent it all to Cash4Gold
I honestly never knew they were all chocolate
I think they gave it all to AIG
Madoff said we'd double our investment
I spent it on an iPhone and apps to stimulate the economy
Grady, Greensboro

"I knew it ! That Bailout and Stimulus money had to come from somewhere."
Wayne Hollifield, Eden,

Now We Know Why The Rainbow Is Frowning !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Don't frown ! Only Smiley Face Rainbows end in GOLD !
Don't frown ! It's not the End ! Rainbows are Circles ! They Never End !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Don't frown. Let's go fish. We might catch some Rainbow Trout or Goldfish !
Don't frown. Maybe there's Goldfish and Rainbow Trout inside !
Should at least be a few Goldfish and Rainbow Trout Inside
Surely there be at least a wee Goldfish or Rainbow Trout inside !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I wished we wouldn't be homeless anymore."
"Patrick, now exactly what did this Mr. Madoff say?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Cheer Up Paddy ! All Rainbow Chasers hit some Potholes before Potluck and GOLD !
Smile Irish ! Potholes, Potluck, & Gold are all in the Rainbow of Life !
Life's Rainbow is filled with Potholes, Potluck, & sometimes GOLD !
Rainbows have Potholes, Potluck & sometimes GOLD !
Usually there's a few Potholes before Potluck & GOLD !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Dem Golden Slippers will just have to Wait !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I'm not surprised, with the economy nowadays!"
Ciara Tolbert, Age 10, Julian

"Since Bernie made off with our last pot, me folks've been mournin' 'The Lack of the Irish'."
Larry Parrish, Chapel Hill

"Looks like the rainbow went through Washington first!"
Joel Odell, Mayodan

" ... Hey have you seen lucky lately, he said he was going to bring his pot of gold if the kids weren't chasing him"
Ryan Natal,age 12

"That's gold, Jerry! Gold!"
Kenny Bania

1 - - "Not only are there no Green (backs) - there"s no Gold - or Silver - or Copper - or etc. etc. etc.."
"Alas, my cup does not runneth over - - It runneth OUT !! "
Pat Vaughn, Madison

"All I really wanted was a bowl of me lucky charms..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

Here's CC's entry for this week's cartoon:
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Look's like Madoff got here first."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Look's like Madoff's been here too."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

2. Blarney!!
3. Look on the bright side, now we have a pot to cook up some Irish Stew!
I hate rainbows!
Rainbow brite
took flight
on her unicorn last night
as you can see, she boldly took our gold
and left us out in the cold
Now our home must be sold
Brother, have no fear
we'll just use our empty pot to brew up some Irish beer!
We'll sell to friends and family
and buy a brand new place you see!
Turning bad times into good
will help us be more understood!
Nancy Nelson

"Pot O'Gold, Schmott O'Gold...I'd settle for a teeny bailout."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Oh No, Bailey found our whiskey pot."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

" Who do you think I am, the FDIC."
"Madoff, get out of there."
"It all was invested in the stock market."
"There goes our nest-egg."
"How good are you with rewrites."
"It was doing so good before the bubble burst."
"Larry, I think we are having soup for dinner tonight."
"Hell-no, hell-no, hell-no-o-o-o-o-o.''
"I had the weirdest dream last night."
" Let say, you can forget about retiring next year."
" You think we will have better luck at the other end."
"I feel like a taxpayer."
"Robbed."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

Oh, and just for grins, these are from Tim Tribbett

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
Wow! I need to make you guys draw cartoons more often. After a dwindling number of entries over the last couple months, this week there was double the number of entries as usual. Even the Jr. category had a bunch. Unfortunately, this just means that many more good entries won't make the cut (I can find a dark cloud behind any silver lining.)
Also saw the return of some familiar names I haven't seen in awhile. I'd mention them, but I'm afraid I'd leave out someone.
Also a big shout-out to L. Monroe ALCS Frazier and Rakin Elementary Schools and Jennifer Caligan, 5th Grade Teacher Nathanael Greene Elementary for sending in their student's entries. Keep ‘em coming. Other teachers out there: join the fun.

WINNER
"What? Do they think everyone is a No. 2 or less?
What about us full figured pencils?"
Debra Schaben, Kernersville

JR. DIVISION WINNER
"Don't move, maybe it won't see us."
Talie Patalano, 5th Grade
Nathanael Greene Elementary

JR. DIVISION RUNNER-UP
"The harder we work, the shorter we get."
Brianna Neese
Our Jr. Division runner-up

RUNNERS-UP
"Now THAT was a great pedicure."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

Look,look! It moved I'm telling you!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Just keep walking, don't make eye contact.
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.

"Take a peek inside while I figure out what the handle's for."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"I'm sharp enough not to fall for THAT trick again!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"I'm too scared to move. It's like I have lead feet."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

"It's like waterboarding for pencils."
Bill Wallace, High Point

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
We're gonna need a bigger boat!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro (Only a cartoonist would write "back to normal" under two talking pencils!)

"These Are Not The Pencils You Are Looking For..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

START LIVING LIKE LARRY!"
(You can obviously tell I <3 sponbebob)
jordan frye 9
Me too.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
If he wouldn't write so many dang captions we wouldn't need to go thru this every 5 minutes!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Boy, am I glad you're back so Tim can draw the cartoon this week.
Where were you last week?
Mike. Creech, Springboro, OH
But it was a nice break ...

"Don't worry. If you get hurt, I'll take you to see DOCTOR Tribett!!!"
Ty Webb, Bushwood Country Club
Ouch. Toon fight!

How many pencils does it take Tim to draw a new cartoon?!
16. That cartoonist is alway's sticking it to us!
17. If I had arms, I'd stick Tim's end in there and see how he liked it!
I wonder if Tim Rickard is a graphite artist!
(Just kidding, I did miss your comments on our efforts though. Some good ones I liked Tim's rotten banana one)
Nancy Nelson

"Now if we can just figure out how to draw the cartoons ourselves he's OUTTA-HERE!"
"So then he asks THEM to draw the cartoon...like his job is THAT tough to begin with?!?"
"If I have to draw one more Joke's On You cartoon I'm going right down his throat!"
Bob Mannary,Greensboro

"Let's have some fun. Get Dim Tim over here and tell him it's a pencil washer!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Hmmm.. Dim Tim ... coincidence? I don't think so ...

I don't mind it, but only if I'm being used to draw "Brewster Rocket: Space Guy!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Woo-Hoo!

"Tim wouldn't have to sharpen us so often if he used the eraser every now and again."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

BEST WORST PUNS
Quite a few could go here, I just listed the one that got votes from our judges.
"I'm too scared to move. It's like I have lead feet."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

BEST POEM
The two pencils were just walking by
When a sharp'ner they happened to spy.
One said, "Writing a letter,
What aid could be better?"
He got back a pointed reply.

"Yes, a sharpener's great, that is true
When in need of a lead that is new.
What would really be nice
Is a snazzy device
That would give an eraser shampoo."
Ken Sheldon, Elon

(My ditty)
Pencil heads are neat you see,
It is what we desire to be.
We can be used in so many creative and useful ways, writing lovely poetry,
computing what our taxes oft to be,
testing students expanding knowledge, and drawing funny cartoons too!
Who knows what next exciting thing they'll come up with for us to do.
We been around for years but like all things with the passage of time we lose our lead,
our erasers are rounded down too, we get shaved down until we are nubs.
We ask you kindly remember to praise our efforts for our completed tasks
and for where we've been before you toss us in the trash!
Nancy Nelson

MATURE
"I'm about to make a No. 2."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

"Daddy, I don't wanna get circumcised!!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Bris machine?"
Scott Linham

"Apparently, size DOES matter."
"Ooooh, apparently, size DOES matter."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

If she stuck her tampax in there then where is Bob?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I can't help it if we taste bad, we are # 2 pencils after all.
Bryan Tribbett - Roanoke, Va.

"You got protection?"
"I pity the guy that has to use the tiny hole..."
"I promise I'll pull out in time..."
"Get me some laughing gas and a gerbil...I'm putting an end to this right now!"
(Also an obscure cultural reference)
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
See? These are why we miss you.

THE REST
Eww,I hate using gas station sharpeners!
This isn't what I meant when I asked you to play a few holes!
3.) Look,look! It moved I'm telling you!
4.) You mean without anesthesia?!
5.) Somehow I don't think driving a stake into it will kill it.
6.) Did it say it has candy inside?
7.) I love the smell of graphite in the morning!
8.) Well, time to unload some shavings if you get my drift.
9.) Dang,I forgot my magazine!
10.) Wonder why we were told to wait over here.
11.) If he wouldn't write so many dang captions we wouldn't need to go thru this every 5 minutes!
12.) I hate these haunted trail attractions!
13.)Will you still love a nub?
14.)Ever get the feeling you're being used?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Good stuff

"Uh Oh! You better look sharp or he's going to chew your butt."
Larry Van Horn, Greensboro
Cute

You don't want to see what's in the bottom of that thing. Totally disgusting!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
nice

"I now know why Fido hates to have his claws trimmed."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"It makes its point."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Back in the day, it was one size fits all."
Ken Layton, Carthage

Now that's an eco-friendly sharpener -- wonder what kind of private jet the owner flies on.
We're forest products so that can't be Al Gore's pencil sharpener.
It's the first time I've been this close to Al Gore's pencil sharpener.
So which one of us will be a nub first?
That's the renowned Howard "Sharp Pencil" Coble's sharpener.
Ah, the smell of wood shavings in the morning!
We need to move out of DC -- not much call for "sharp pencils" here.
If we move to DC we'll live a long life as "sharp pencils."
Joan Lux, Greensboro
Liked that last one.

Ladies first !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

So, man, who's going to go first, 'cause I really need an edge-up.
Nicholas Harden
Wow! That's what made me acute!
Jhakura Owens
ALCS Frazier and Rakin Elementary Schools

"Alright, you've made your point!"
John Koppel, Greensboro

"lets get to the point, Your pretty dull"
Paul Seagraves, Graham

So which one of us will be a stub first?
Joan Lux Greensboro

1) Well, I guess it's back to the grind.
2) I always feel sharper after these therapy sessions, but they're so painful!
3) Back to the ol' grind.
4) What do you mean, "what's the point?"
5) Boy, am I glad you're back so Tim can draw the cartoon this week.
6) Where were you last week?
7) You want me to stick my tip in where??
8) Sure, you get sharper for a while, but eventually it just eats you up.
9) I always feel sharper after coming here.
Mike. Creech, Springboro, OH
Some good ones here

"I'm about to make a No. 2."
hee hee
"I'm too scared to move. It's like I have lead feet."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

"It'll keep you sharp,
but it takes alot out of you."
No name given

The word in the box is ...... we're going GREEN!!!!!
Carol Ann LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Daddy, I don't wanna get circumcised!!"
"Son, it's a very ancient and holy practice. Now get over there and get your tip whacked off!"
"I won't think you're any less of a man, dear."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

It's like making sausage - you don't want to know how it is done ...
Get to the point ... do I look fat?
Do they make pencils in all those sizes anymore?
You really do get shorter with age ...
I remember the days of manual SATs ... filling in oval after oval ...
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough
The first one got some votes

She's every pencil's dream, though she is rather cranky.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"That's the monster that killed your grandpa!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Don't worry. If you get hurt, I'll take you to see DOCTOR Tribett!!!"
Ty Webb, Bushwood Country Club

"Somehow I don't think 'exfoliation' is the proper term for it...."
Jan S., Greensboro

"You want me to stick what in where?"
(Tim- a little side note. I just realized that you are the same Tim
Rickard that writes one of my favorite comics, Brewster Rockit. (Right?)
I had not idea. I really enjoy your stuff! Keep up the great work.
Mike Creech, Springboro
I told Mike that I'm guilty as charged. I'd just like to add here that he also shows exceptionally good taste.

1. Every day it's the same old grind.
2. What's wrong? You're not as sharp as you were yesterday.
3. Well, buster, I bet you'll get the lead out now!
Elizabeth L. Edmonds

1. Sharp!
2. Point well taken!
3. It gives such an invigorating massage!
4. Come here often!
5. What's the point?!
6. It's cutting edge technology.
7. You first, no you first!
8. Just stick your ... in that hole!
9. What a ride!
10. I hope they don't grind me down to a nub!
10. Twist and Shout!
11. What a grind!
12. Let's shake it up baby!
13. Come on and work it on out!
14. Holey Moley!
14. This thing is old school!
15. How many pencils does it take Tim to draw a new cartoon?!
16. That cartoonist is alway's sticking it to us!
17. If I had arms, I'd stick Tim's end in there and see how he liked it!
(Just kidding, I did miss your comments on our efforts though. Some good ones I liked Tim's rotten banana one)
18. How low can we go!
19. Not again!
20. Heads up!
21. Looking sharp!
22. I hope the IRS appreciates all our efforts!
23. The electric one gives you a real buzz!
24. Talk about torture!
25. You were just McSwained!
Nancy Nelson
"McSwained?"

1. I am not ready to be chewed up and spit out.
2. Which window should I try?
3 You expect me to believe this is a sauna?
4. I wish I was refillable.
5. Life isn't the only thing cutting me down.
6. You sneak a peak and I will check the handle thing.
7. He asked what your number was...
8. I love antiques dont you?
9. I hate how the boss grinds me down.
10. I dont think the coneheads are really that unusual.
11. He is currently only taking the #2 lead.
12. Manual ? you still have to control my life don't you?
13. Why can't I have a flat top mom?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. There's a difference between Bright and Sharp
2. The Point Is!
3. I get Your Point
4. It's a hard way to make a point
5. People that go in there arn't very sharp
6. You'll definitely come out smaller
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

"START LIVING LIKE LARRY!"
(You can obviously tell I <3 sponbebob)
("I`m going to use some famous words from pencil history,)
THE BRITISH (People) ARE COMING! THE BRITISH PEOPLE ARE COMING!
"John, does that seat look comfy enough to you?"
"I `m so fat, which do you think will fit my butt?"
jordan frye 9

1.)Those essay questions are killing us!
2.) We'll just have to find a Big and Tall sharpener.
3.)Eww,there's graphite on the rim!
4.)I'll try not to scream so much this time.
5.)Girlfriend don't want no nubs.
6.)Is there a point in this?
7.) But I'm not even Jewish!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Careful! That's how Stubby got his nickname.
Earl M. Inge
"Stubby?" You, Tom, Jessie and CC ought to get together (see below)

Does a hand-cranked pencil sharpener come with carbon credits?
Joan Lux Greensboro

"Have you seen Lenny?"
"Just get to the point!"
Dianna Cecil, Pleasant Garden

Ummmmm... the small hole or the big one?
Katie Wooten Age:8

"Hey, don't look at me, I'm the number two pencil."
Brendan Malone, Jamestown

"I have gained so much weight, and gotten so old, I may never be able to sharpen my pencil again"
'"Size does matter"
"Pencil today,sawdust tomorrow"
"I will never forget when I was promoted to a #2 Pencil"
"It seems like yesterday when we were in such demand"
"Remember when everyone needed a #2?'
"I never thought I would see the day when a sharp pencil would be a thing of the past"
"She never made it out of 1st Grade"
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

Well it's time to start the daily grind.
James Boggs, Burlington

Some rather pointed comments:
1. I know we're old-fashioned, but we have our good points.
2. Could you help my friend? He's not too sharp.
3. I don't get your point.
4. I don't like his "hole-ier than thou" attitude.
5. He's a prime example of "what goes around comes around".
6. My buddy says you just can't cut it any more.
7. We may not be too sharp, but we manage.
8. Don't believe him when he says this won't hurt a bit.
9. I've known him since he was a little shaver.
10. Is that your real handle?
11. So when can we get an ap-point-ment for a cut?
12. So you say your technology is "cutting edge"?
13. Watch what you say or this guy will cut you down in a heartbeat!
14. I wonder about this guy. He's always hanging around school children.
15. Are you trying to make a particular point?
16. We can't afford gym memberships. Can you help us trim down?
17. Our actions are not pointless!
18. You've cut me down for the last time. I'm leaving!
19. This guy's a real cut-up in class!
20. I get your point.
21. I can't help you. I'm a little short this week.
22. My middle name? Graphite.
23. Aren't you tired of hearing "get the lead out"?
24. Have you seen our friend? He went in your place a few minutes ago.
25. Want to just hang around?
Peggy Clapper

"Now remember, you can't have anything to eat or drink past midnight."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"I was the dullest one in the pack until I met Wanda"
Bo Colbert, Trinity

1. To bad it's not a "Pork" trimmer.
2. Why don't they just ‘flick-a-bic' and save all those trees?
3. Is this the Stimulus/Omnibus trimmer we ordered to save
Janice Wangard, Ruffin

1. Our lead adds pork while our heads remove it and we become but stubs of our former selves.
2. I know it's a bit scary in there but Stimulus and Omnibus desperately need pencil whipping.
3. Our feet go in the grinder while our heads are being manipulated. We must be political pencils!
Sharon Underwood, Ruffin

I'm afraid this is goodbye dear. Our country will need all of us to remove 9000 line items of pork.
Our shavings go in a pile for redistribution. Does that make you feel better?
You take Omnibus, I'll take Stimulus, and we'll will whip 'em into shape.
Cheryl Schumacher, Eden
Nice observations

" So, do you wanna go first, or should I"
" Its time to meet our maker"
" Either one of us go and we lose our points"
Ryan Natal,age 12

"I don't think that's what Dad had in mind when he said "Get the lead out."
Steffany Gamsby, Colfax

"School is a major headache!"
"Ain't just the kids tired of testing!"
"You know what they say. You gotta look out for ol' #2!"
"You gotta look out for ol' #2!"
"We're martyrs for a higher cause."
"I hope it's not Johnny coming. He grinds you to a nub."
"Prepare to be ground to a nub."
"Wanna go first?"
"Great. It's the kid who smears me all over the Scantron."
"Why do the kids have to grab us right after restroom break?"
"I keep shrinking the older I get."
"Why wasn't I born a mechanical pencil?"
Kris Voy, Trinity
I kinda liked the last one

26. Let's fill him with lead!
27. I'm all shook up!
28. Shouldn't we be green!
29. Time to go to work!
30. You can't judge a book by it's cover!
31. Take us to your cartoonist!
32. Take us to your ruler!
33. Write on!
34. Eraser head!
35. Pencil head!
36. Now you can stop humming that ABC song!
37. If we've No. 2, what is he?!
38. Now, I have to be No. 2!
39. Did we just travel back in time!
40. Do you think I need a shave?!
41. I wonder if Tim Rickard is a graphite artist!
42. It just isn't fair, first we get abused, then used and lastly trashed!
43. We're dependable and we've been around for years, our job is safe!?
44. Take us to your LEADer! 45. How many holes does to take to make us sharp?
45. I think we left enough lead in there to poison him!
46. Ouch!
47. Boy do I have a buzz!
48. Why do I have to be No. 2?
49. He's looking sharp today!
50. Good disguise, but watch out for his insides!
51. Hurry, do a backflip and erase us!
Nancy Nelson

"I think I'll leave it to those less sharper than me to hone their curiosity".
Don Gunn, Madison

"Stubby's been gone too long, I think he's gotten too sharp for his own good'
Jessie Taylor, Wentworth
"Stubby?" You too?

1.) I am Hansel and this is my sister Gretel and we are sooo lost.
2.)We're gonna need a bigger boat!
3.) If he stuck the thermometer in there then where is BOB?!
4.)Here we have a 1964 model with low crankage.
5.) If she stuck her tampax in there then where is Bob?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.) Outstanding job! We left you a really big tip!
2.)Do you have any shavings for a tip?
3.) Quick,help me clean this! Mom is coming to visit!
4.) I put in one of those things that turn the shavings blue!
5.) Are my paint lines even?
6.) Does it look ok from the back?
7.) Hand me a mirror so I can see the back!
8.)Whew Carl,would it kill you to use a little spray?!
9.)Talk verry slowly.It's not very smart and has a baaaad temper!
10.)If we stay really still it might not see us.
11.)Don't move! Its got motion sensors.
12.)Not so bad without someone to turn your little crank are ya?
13.)Well,I better get back to the ol' pen and chain.She just had a baby you know!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1) Just keep walking, don't make eye contact.
2) Where's Bob? He was here a second ago.
3) Before the kids I could fit in the second hole.
4) This wieght loss program isn't all it's cracked up to be.
5) I am NOT looking in there!
6) Your breath smells like #2 pencil!
7) Fred & myself are a little upset with the way you've been treating us
8) This guy gives me the creeps.
9) Honey, I think we should introduce him to your mother.
10) I can't help it if we taste bad, we are # 2 pencils after all.
Bryan Tribbett - Roanoke, Va.

1.) I think we need to go back to Weight Watchers!
2.)Who are they kidding with those tiny holes?!
3.)Ooops,I think this is the fashion model sharpener.
Tim Tribbett
The fabulous Tribbet brothers, ladies and gentlemen! Give 'em a hand!

Digital or Analog?
Linda Wallmeyer, Jamestown

"Uh Oh! You better look sharp or he's going to chew your butt."
Larry Van Horn, Greensboro

1.)Just a light trim today please.
2.)I wish they would warm that thing up a little.
3.) Just a little off the sides and back please.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

#1.? If it wasn't for him we could have made the "All Pencil Basketball Team".
#2,? He has the best diet plan.? You realize that we're half the size we were three weeks ago.
George Subasavage, Greensboro
The second one got at least one vote.

Pencils and Pecil Sharpener Cartoon from Friday Feb.27
"It's time to sharpen up and head to D.C. for our next assignment." "Don't
be silly, you know we are not allowed to work in Congress, they require us
to write EARMARKS, and we don't even have any EARS!"
Paul O'Brien, Oak Ridge

The two pencils were just walking by
When a sharp'ner they happened to spy.
One said, "Writing a letter,
What aid could be better?"
He got back a pointed reply.
"Yes, a sharpener's great, that is true
When in need of a lead that is new.
What would really be nice
Is a snazzy device
That would give an eraser shampoo."
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Jump in-let the chips fall where they may.
Nancy Brown, Greensboro

Gotta stay sharp in this economy!
Trip Brown, Greensboro

Sure, it keeps you on top of your game, but at what cost?
Mike Kiser

1. "No. 1, are you in there?"
2. "I dare you to look inside."
3. "Careful partner, that's a sidewinder."
4. "Makes your wood crawl doesn't it?"
5. "How sick does someone have to be to build this thing?"
6. "It's suppose to make you sharp, but I'm sticking with book learning."
7. "Stubby was right, size doesn‘t matter."
8. "This is going to keep me up at night."
9. "Take a peek inside while I figure out what the handles for."
10. "All work and no shave makes No. 2 a dull boy."
11. "Is it just me, or does that thing keep getting bigger?"
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"Stubby" again? I missed the memo.

52. Good way to lose a few inches!
53. Do you have a point?
54. We could roll under his desk and hide!
55. I'm guessing Exam time!
56. Our writer is blocked!
56. From my point of view that is a torture chamber!!
57. Didn't you hate filling in those blank holes on that SAT!
Nancy Nelson

I hear it's the latest diet fad, promises you will lose inches in just seconds!
Barbara Zeller, Climax
good

1-Our shape won't fit the sharpener but qualifies us to be parentheses.
2-What's your feeling about mixing our dust with those other pencils?
3-None of those openings are big enough for us.
4-My gut feeling is that I'm uneasy about the term "number 2" pencil.
5-At 30 degrees we're sharper than Howard Coble's so-called "sharp pencil" at 45 degrees.
6-Don't we feel obsolete now that everybody is typing on computers.
Max Harless

"They say it's the fastest way to lose weight."
"I was two inches taller before they put me in there."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"There's a joke in here somewhere but what's the point?"
"You got protection?"
"Dude...I am going to totally shred this one..."
"Eh...what's the point..."
"Remember what your dad said about them having teeth down there..."
"Maybe my life would've turned out different if I could've been Number 2..."
"Must...Turn...Handle..."
"I pity the guy that has to use the tiny hole..."
"These Are Not The Pencils You Are Looking For..."
"Oh yeah...well your mother was a wood chipper!"
"Now-a-days it's all click, click, click, what's a guy supposed to do?"
"I'm sharp enough not to fall for THAT trick again!"
"I promise I'll pull out in time..."
"Oh No...this time I'M turning the handle..."
"Now if we can just figure out how to draw the cartoons ourselves he's OUTTA-HERE!"
"Tell the markers and the ruler we go at midnight..."
"Will You Marry Me?"
"OK...This time I'll go first..."
"Get me some laughing gas and a gerbil...I'm putting an end to this right now!"
"No Parmesan Cheese for me thanks...I'm on a diet."
"So then he asks THEM to draw the cartoon...like his job is THAT tough to begin with?!?"
"Woah...Dude...he says there's Mountain Dew down the hole..."
"It was so sad. They said he died from...lead poisoning!"
"If I have to draw one more Joke's On You cartoon I'm going right down his throat!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Good stuff

Don't look!
Don Rankin, Greensboro

In this situation, two hands are better than one !
What you mean, get the lead out ?
The point is, what's waist size got to do with it !
We prefer an electric shave !
That's not a rotary cut !
Look's like Russian roulette to me !
Thank's, but we just don't do Russian roulette !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I believe that never used is never sharpened!"
" Here's to hope that we get tossed in a drawer or lost in a couch!"
"This is why Dad said "Stay sharp".
"I remember that brat who sharpened Billie down to a nub!"
"My cousin is a golf pencil. He says they are forced to cheat"
"My cousin is a golf pencil. He says its one round and out for them!"
"Well, going that way is better than being erased to death"!
"Relax. No one operates manual equipment any more!"
"So sad. It's been laid off!"
"This office equipment horror museum is scary!"
"Those eyes keep starring at you!!. Let's leave!"
"Let's have some fun. Get Dim Tim over here and tell him it's a pencil washer!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Nice. Numbers 2, and 10 got votes

1. i hear they made cut backs......
2. It gives new meaning to sit and rotate.
3. It's fad, our relationship is based on him cutting me down.
4. No more lead your fully loaded .
christine Keaton, Randleman

You make some very fine points !
Haven't you ever heard of talking points ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Eni ... Mini ... Mighty ... Moe ... Which little hole should I go ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Eni ... Mini ... Mighty ... Moe ... Which little hole should I go ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

I see daddy, but it still looks like a sausage grinder to me !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Eni ... Mini ... Mighty ... Moe ... Look Out, Cause Here I Gooooo !
Eni ... Mini ... Mighty ... Moe ... I can't play these games no more !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

I don't mind it, but only if I'm being used to draw "Brewster Rocket: Space Guy!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

1. i hate these old self service stations
2. Did he just say a #2 was done in there ?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1.)We need to cut down on our in between sharpening snacks.
2) I've got a phantom itch.
3.) Is that thing sterilized?!
Tim Tribbett
Phantom itch. Sweet,

"I sure am getting tired of the same old grind..."
No name given

Point me to your Leader!
(My ditty)
Pencil heads are neat you see,
It is what we desire to be.
We can be used in so many creative and useful ways, writing lovely poetry,
computing what our taxes oft to be,
testing students expanding knowledge, and drawing funny cartoons too!
Who knows what next exciting thing they'll come up with for us to do.
We been around for years but like all things with the passage of time we lose our lead,
our erasers are rounded down too, we get shaved down until we are nubs.
We ask you kindly remember to praise our efforts for our completed tasks
and for where we've been before you toss us in the trash!
Nancy Nelson

I think a # 2 was just done in there.
Do you think Rickard knows we plugged the holes with this week's cartoon?
I hate self serve stations....
Remember no more than three good cranks or..........
Christine Keaton, Randleman
Self serve stations ... nice.

" Do a good turn daily," is his motto.
You're looking pretty sharp today !
He says you have a sharp tongue !
Who's next ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Wait, you might have a point there, we are getting shorter"
Kaylee, Greensboro

"The end is near"
Kaylee, Greensboro

"What's your point?"
Kaylee, Greensboro

"Get to the point"
Kaylee, Greensboro

"What kind of point are you trying to make?"
Kaylee, Greensboro

"This is great when you get that dull look"
Kaylee, Greensboro

"Trust me you'll be sharp in no time"
Kaylee, Greensboro

1. Hey George; What's the point of all of this.
2. Come on in it will sharpen your whit!
3. Not too sharp, It's not polite to point!
David Bice, Greensboro

"Yeah, well we still have a future in miniature golf"
"And then he said, 'You don't look so sharp.come on in.I can help.'"
"And then I asked, 'What's the point of this contraption?'"
"I was a Number 2 until I was downsized."
"You go into a long tunnel.but you don't see a great light."
"Find a guy with writer's block and you'll last longer."
"You just insert yourself in the top hole and yell, 'Ticonderoga!'"
"Wow! That was a close shave!"
"Given word processing, it's amazing we're even still here."
"Enough of the 'less is more' stuff! Okay?"
Don Byers, Greensboro
Some good stuff. One even got a few votes

"There's got to be another way!"
Scott Linham

"You want me to stick my WHAT in WHERE?"
Scott Linham

I have several fifth graders who would like to submit an entry. I hope it is okay if I list them all on one e-mail, if not please let me know and I will have them submitted individually! Thanks!
Submitted by Jennifer Caligan, 5th Grade Teacher Nathanael Greene Elementary
Great! Send 'em in!
"You get in first."
Logan Newell

"Don't move, maybe it won't see us."
Talie Patalano

"It hurt us, don't mess with it."
Ethan Wright

"I've been used."
Colton Pickard:

"Don't be such a stub. Go in first."
Sara Jane Bowers

"Erase that thing, it hurt me!"
Shelby Williams

"The harder we work, the shorter we get."
Brianna Neese

"Do you want to front me in line?"
Nelson Ingram

"Back to the Old Grinder."
Tyler Thomas

"The holes are too little, what if I get stuck?"
Schonn Denny

"The new exercise machine makes me sharp looking."
Blythe Hall

"It looked better in the catalogue."
Nathan Ross
I liked this one

"Are you going to work out today?"
"Nah, what's the point?"
Callen Butler

You think you got it tough, trying being a No. 3.
Back to the grind.
I use to be much taller.
That thing seems to shorten our lives.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"You're missing the point."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"He's a little off base, but he makes a good point!"
"He's really been cutting me short lately"
Larry Hobbs, Greensboro

"I think that Tim is the only one who use's this Machiavellian thing..."
"I wish Tim would get to the point more often."
"Do you think I need a lead cut?"
"Looks like another grinding day at work."
"I can't wait for April 16th."
"I always aspired to be a #2 pencil."
"Tim wouldn't have to sharpen us so often if he used the eraser every now and again."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

"Bris machine?"
Scott Linham

"He kept shrinking. The next thing you know, he's gone missing."
Scott Linham

"Let's draw to see who goes first."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I can't believe that we used to fit in there."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden
Nice!

"We'd better get dressed before we go for a spin."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Are you ready to go for a spin?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Not to sound old fashioned, but ready to go for a spin?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Is this a time capsule??"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Ooooh, apparently, size DOES matter."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I assume that you're here about the Witness Relocation Program."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
There's a good gag in here somewhere... but too obscure

"Do you think maybe they'd be able to just shave a little off the top?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...do you think that's where babies come from."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"This is where Stubby says he was born."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"This is where Stubby makes his weekly lead donation."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Hey! I think I saw one of these on Antiques Road Show."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm trying to get ready for my photo shoot with Sharper Image."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...I wonder who gets to pull out the winning number?"
(Ok, I'm not even sure what my joke's about, but it just struck me that in Pencil Land, maybe they have these giant tumblers like we do, usually they're clear and done on some local station in a far off land, like Chicago, and the crank is turned and someone reaches in a pulls out a winning number like #2-Lead, and they get to go to Rightsville Beach....Ok, I'm going to stop now....and did I mention that the lead character's name is Stubby?...*)
(*All rights reserved regarding previous Pencil Land idea in my new book called 'A Pencil Named Stubby" by CC Cockerham.)
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
"Stubby" Talk about synchronicity.

From Cliff (dad) and Andrew Holder (age 9)
"I'm saving up my shavings for an electric one."

From Joshua Holder (age 12)
"You go first!"

"Which one of you wants to pencil yourself in?"
"Sorry guys but I'm afraid of the lead risk."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I really have an inferiority complex about always being #2...they said maybe this place could sharpen my skills."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"U-hhhh, lady first."
"Sue, try my toe scratchier."
"I feel a little shorter today."
"Is that why I felt so good last night."
"O-hhhhhh. I love it the old fashion way."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

(Back to normal)

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
Well, well, well. Not so easy, is it? I like this note from Nancy Nelson: "... You're really trying to make us think about how hard you work. I truly get the message!" Thanks, Nancy. I think you've all learned your lesson. In fact, from the looks of things, 'd say my job is safe at the moment.
I couldn't open the attachments from one entrant, so if your cartoon isn't represented here, it must have been yours.
We received a lot more entries than I expected, so the competition was still tough. I know I said you wouldn't be judged on artistic merit, but it WAS necessary for the reader to be able to figure out what's going on. Unfortunately, some good entries just couldn't be deciphered without an explanatory note, which would disqualify it. Which is a shame, cause some of those were good ideas, such as Marsha's cartoon about regular hair saying "there goes the neighborhood" when a gray hair shows up. Great idea, but it didn't come across with out the note explaining it.

WINNER, RUNNERS-UP, AND THE REST
Instead of dumping over 50 cartoons on this blog, I just created this handy-dandy slideshow of them that you can view here:
http://webmedia.news-record.com/legacy/indepth/09/jokes_on_us/

Enjoy.

NEXT WEEK, YOU PROVIDE THE ART!
Below are three different captions. Pick one (or more if you wish) and draw a cartoon to go with it.

THE CAPTIONS
1. "There goes the neighborhood."
2. "Come here often?"
3. "Take two aspirin and call me in the morning."

YOU WILL NOT BE JUDGED ON ARTISTIC ABILITY!
ONLY your concept counts. You can only draw stickmen? FINE!
You can enter by e-mail by attaching the art to your e-mail.
Simply scan, or take a digital photo of your drawing using your digital camera or cellphone and e-mail it in.
Or, you can mail it in the old fashioned way or simply drop it off here at the paper.
Deadline is noon Thursday

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
This week, we're trying something different. See the note abovet. No, you don't have to be an artist to enter.
I guess you guys weren't loving the Valentine theme because entries were down. But we received a treasure trove of not-quite-suitable-for-print responses that are worth reading here on the blog. Look under "mature."
Also, I noticed Bill Clinton's name popped-up a few times.

WINNER
"Yes, we do offer a ‘Tough Love' package. It includes one arrow through the heart and twenty years of alimony."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

JR. DIVISION WINNER
Sorry, Ryan. The Jr. category didn't have enough entrants this week. We'll try again next week (includes your age if you are 12 or under.)

RUNNERS-UP
Now, I can just point the arrow and click!
Nancy Nelson

"Due to the state of the economy, we can only make her ‘sorta like' you."
Grady, Greensboro

Yeah,I've been on desk duty since the Lyle Lovett/Julia Roberts fiasco.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"I don't care if that is how they do it in West Virginia. I'm not hitting your sister."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"I don't have enough arrows for all the Republicans, President Obama ..."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

No, Mr. Spitzer. We don't offer that kind of service.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I hate these theme days at the office!
Peggy Clapper, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
9) Ok, so that's one order for little fuzzy pups, old pick-up trucks, children and the rain.. and who?
Eli Oklesh, Gibsonville
We got lots of song references, but this has to be the most obcscure

No wonder I couldn't find Colin Baker. He was at Gallifrey One this weekend.
Marcia, LosCon
Wow. Now THAT'S one obscure reference, #8!

"What do you mean I can't get an appointment with Mallard Fillmore ..."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

BEST INSIDE JOKE
(Special "Tim Tribbett" category)
"For the last time Mr. Tribbett, I don't know Clay Aiken's address!"
Carl Spackler, Bushwood Country Club

"Another submission from Tim Tribbett. He enters everything!"
"Another submission from Tim Tribbett. Poor guy, he must not have a life!"
Dorothy Sykes, Elon
Oh no, they didn't!

(Now, the special Tim Rickard category)
Holy#$%@%! We spent THAT much daily on arrows just for Rickard's wife?!
Still not enough. She needs bigger artillery. Wait … bad phrasing …
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Tim, please stop sending in requests for the editors to love your drawings."
Grady, Greensboro
NEVER!

Jokes? They're sending me jokes? Arrow will miss their heart right to their @55!
Les Thomas, ViIrginia

BEST POEM
Although love's a great thing, tried and true,
The divorce rate is now one in two.
Now I know it sounds stupid,
That happens when Cupid's
The grandson of Mr. Magoo.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I shot an arrow into the air,
it fell to earth I knew not where,
until one sunny day,
I heard a sweet old lady say,
You are the one who shot me Cupid,
how in the world could You be so stupid?
Now go and find some cute young girls,
with pretty faces and lots of curls.
Then shoot them!
Don Rankin, Greensboro

Cupid laid his bow down
and leaned into his desk.
So many people seeking love,
to this he could attest!

His wings were tired. His arrows near spent.
His mind said, "What to do?"
Then he thought, "I'll make a web site so
Ling Ling can meet John Wu.

He read many things throughout the years.
(the funniest was from a girl named Pam)
But, he never forgot the wierdest,
which was a guy that ate his toe jam!
(I know, I'm sick and I need help Tim)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My quiver's aquiver,
How about you?"
Joan Lux Greensboro

MATURE
Hmm,I think I'll target OJ Simpson's enormous cellmate next!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Some of these made us laugh out loud. It's a shame most were disqualified.
"I don't care if that is how they do it in West Virginia. I'm not hitting your sister."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

Cupid #4, please stop shooting the guys in the crotch!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Wait, this one's addressed to me... from Michael Jackson?!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Whoa, Cupid wouldn't mind gettin' a little of that for himself!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I'm sorry, sir, but by the terms of my parole I am not allowed near any playgrounds."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"I can't deliver Madonna to you, sir, but don't worry, you'll eventually get your turn."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Let me get this straight. You want me to shoot an arrow into your right hand???"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"For that request, sir, you'll need to see a veterinarian instead."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Well don't say 'herpes'. Just tell her it's Cupid's little measles."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

THE REST
Point and click,point and click.Boy,that is easier!
Cupid .com?!!Oh,you are soooo going to get sued!!
Cupid #4,please stop shooting the guys in the crotch!
Did you see the mug on that guy?Better shoot her again!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

What's your 20 Bravo? We'll get you some extra arrows ASAP
Holy#$%@%! We spent THAT much daily on arrows just for Rickard's wife?!
Ooooh ,nice head shot #4!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Feel like making love,Let your love flow.WOW, I just love itunes!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1. Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match!
2. I see noboby's bidding on my bow & arrows on e-bay!
3. No job openings for a four-eyed cupid!
4. This sure is easier that shooting my arrows into the heart!
5. I should have never started cupid.com!
Nancy Nelson

"Forget the bow and arrow. This is where it's at!"
John Koppel, Greensboro

1.) Ahh,the old Lisa Marie and Michael Jackson file.What the hell was I thinking!
2.) These modern arrows are more accurate but they sure don't last as long!
3.)Whoa,Cupid wouldn't mind gettin' a little of that for himself!
4.)Shoot him again! That was only a flesh wound!
5.) Would you guys please stop shooting poor ol' Liz Taylor!
6.) That was hilarious! Now I'm going to make him fall for a nun!
7.)That was hilarious! Now I'm going to make her fall for a gay guy!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
The Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts one was similar in vein to #1 here, and these two kinda split the votes, lowering the vote totals for both.

Love is blind. EHarmony to the rescue!
Ken Layton, Carthage

I'll order more arrows from Ebay.
Ken Layton, Carthage

No, Mr. Clinton. Cupidco does not give quantity discounts.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Jokes? They're sending me jokes? Arrow will miss their heart right to their @55!
Thou must be arrow worthy . . . NOT!
Mom always said, "Get an education, have something to fall back on". Now look at me!
In who's book does "naked and behind a desk" spell LOVE???
No mam, we don't sell bras. You want 1-800-444-9287.
--not so obsure--
No mam, we don't sell bras. You want 1-800-444-9287. Darn dislecsics, get 'm every year. (44 i d cup)
Les Thomas, ViIrginia

" Darn you eHarmony, why can't you find me true love "
Jokes on you- Ryan Natal, age 12

Although love's a great thing, tried and true,
The divorce rate is now one in two.
Now I know it sounds stupid,
That happens when Cupid's
The grandson of Mr. Magoo.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

If I fall in love, can I quit this job???
Can you Email arrows?
Robert Shaver, Greensboro

"Being Bill Clinton's press secretary is hard work."
"Wait, this one's addressed to me...from Michael Jackson?!"
"By the look of those specs, love really IS blind!"
"Proof that love is blind."
"Geez, don't people buy chocolates anymore?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

No, Mr. Spitzer. We don't offer that kind of service.
Hello. Acme Arrow Company? These new arrows aren't sticking like they used to.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

It's sure hard to target the ones that never leave their homes!
2.)Uh oh,gonna need the hollow point turbo charged arrow for that guy!
3.) I love it when they run!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

" Another Valentine's day, another dumb mushy Letter sent to a MySpace, Facebook, or eHarmony page"
Ryan Natal, age 12

"DeleteDeleteDelete... Do I want to fin true love, hmmmmmmmm yes"
Ryan Natal, age 12

1.Sorry i don`t have enough arrows for everyone.
2.It will take to many arrows to solve your problems.
Wayne Smith

Hello. Cupid for the Stars. Let's see. I did Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie, Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman, Britney Spears and Jason Allen Alexander. Hello? Hello?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Great idea, a little long

OK.. let's see: likes Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain. Have you tried an ad in the Times News?
No …
OK.. let's see: likes Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain. Have you tried an ad in the News Record?
That's better.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"He's Just Not That Into You!"
Barbara Golding, Reidsville

Whoa....according to Facebook, only two of my arrows connected!
Whoa....according to Facebook, only two arrows hit their targets!
Marcia James, Jamestown

6. What's wrong with me, I shouldn't have to resort to a dating service!
7. Love conquers all!
8. What the world needs now is love sweet love!
9. Love is blind!
Nancy Nelson

1. I hate these theme days at the office!
2. How DID people meet before computers were invented?
3. Who in the world can I match up with THIS loser? I'm Cupid--not a miracle worker!
4. "Man seeking older woman." This must be a fake!
5. "Oh, what fools these mortals be!"
6. Why does the warning "Looking for love in all the wrong places" keep popping up?
7. Do I have a man for YOU? You MUST be kidding!
8. Honey, don't worry about how much he earns working! At least he IS working.
9. How do you think my experience will look on my resume?
10. Dear HGTV: What can I do with a bunch of dead roses?
11. This one is really desperate: "Will take any man as long as he can breathe--preferably on his own."
12. "Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match!"
Peggy Clapper, Greensboro

1. This E-Harmony site is really cutting into my business!
2. Cupid's Call Center- you select, we connect!
3. With this recession, I'll have to cut back on my arrow order!
Dianne Holcombe, Greensboro

"Jeeves, what do I shoot when they just want to be "life partners"?"
"Great question, Mark. Yes, I use individually wrapped arrow tips."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Love isn't blind,it's just nearsighted!
2.) Sorry,the 14th is all booked but I can shoot the heck out of her the 15th
3.) I'm with Cupid Inc.,may I help you?
4.)This way is soooo much safer during duck hunting season!
4.) Ahh, cupid knows when you've been naughty,very very naughty!
5.)They can run but they can't hide!
6.)Everytime my computer crashes the divorce rate skyrockets
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1) Who will it be this year, Mr. Clinton?
2) But Mr. Obama, I already shot CNN and MSNBC for you last year!
3) I'd love to help you, Hawkeye, but there are incoming choppers! (your Cupid looks like Radar O'Reilly)
4) Approved.. approved.. approved!
5) I'm sorry Mr. Clinton, we don't accept American Express.
6) Please hold. I'll have to get you through to the Miracle Working Department.
7) Come on now, people! Smile on your brother and get together by yourselves!
8) Yes Mr. Obama, the arrow I shot the news media with last year is gaurenteed to last through 2013.
9) Ok, so that's one order for little fuzzy pups, old pick-up trucks, children and the rain.. and who?
10) Yes, sir, I hear your cry and I promise I will let my arrow fly straight to your lover's heart for you.
11) Another request for CNN and MSNBC, Mr. Obama?
Sorry for all the lame song lyric references :)
Eli Oklesh, Gibsonville

Hmm,I think I'll target OJ Simpson's enormous cellmate next!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Oops! INKSPLAT!"
Doug Draime, Ashland Oregon

"This is not the Santa Hotline ..."
"We are currently taking orders for 2010 ..."
"I don't have enough arrows for all the Republicans, President Obama ..."
"I'm glad the wooden arrow item made it into the original stimulus program..." (It really did...)
"Yes, President Obama, I'll take better aim at your next Secretary of Commerce...."
"FOX News is impervious to my charm, President Obama"
"What do you mean I can't get an appointment with Mallard Fillmore ..."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

No wonder I couldn't find Colin Baker. He was at Gallifrey One this weekend.
Marcia, LosCon
Wow. Now THAT'S one obscure reference, #8!

Scratch iambic pentameter.
Bill Gates, in secret and in costume, tries once again to woo Yahoo.
Bill Gates sends his Annual Valentine Message to male employees: "Honest, fellows, it's not how much money you have . . . .
"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My quiver's aquiver,
How about you?"
Joan Lux Greensboro

" Welcome to findatruelove.com, how may I help you"
Ryan Natal, age 12

1. "Wonder if anyone will notice my heart-shaped mouth?"
2. "Mr. Cooke, I can't help you unless you send me her name."
(this is a reference to Sam Cooke who sang "Cupid")
3. "All the lonely people. Where do they all come from?"
4. "Sorry Alice, but "I" have a naughty and nice list too."
5. "Eros services, Cupid speaking, how may I help you?"
6. "This online matching is so much harder than shooting arrows."
7. " I can't believe someone admitted they enjoy eating toe jam."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "Single male seeks middle-age woman who loves to eat toe jam and play
ice hockey."
2. "What are peeps?"
3. "P. Hilton seeks lover for Tinkerbell? Say what?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

A poem
Cupid laid his bow down
and leaned into his desk.
So many people seeking love,
to this he could attest!

His wings were tired. His arrows near spent.
His mind said, "What to do?"
Then he thought, "I'll make a web site so
Ling Ling can meet John Wu.

He read many things throughout the years.
(the funniest was from a girl named Pam)
But, he never forgot the wierdest,
which was a guy that ate his toe jam!
(I know, I'm sick and I need help Tim)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
Yeah, I'm seeing a pattern here …

" Jeez I thought that Wall Street was sad, but I forgot Valentine's Day, and I'm the God of Love Cupid"
Ryan Natal, age 12

I shot an arrow into the air,
it fell to earth I knew not where,
until one sunny day,
I heard a sweet old lady say,
You are the one who shot me Cupid,
how in the world could You be so stupid?
Now go and find some cute young girls,
with pretty faces and lots of curls.
Then shoot them!
Don Rankin, Greensboro

Hard times are here, only five arrows and so many lovers.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

Susan's in Narnia, Robin is in Sherwood Forest, and I am here manning the phones ...
Sorry, can't do 8 in Greensboro, I have a 7:30 in Evansville, Indiana
Five arrows and 55 requests in my In Box - You do the math ...
My Blackberry is Down. I have to do this the 'old fashioned' way.
This is the other Cupid - The one with two legs and wings - Wrong Number.
"Consignment shop ... Baby New Year's new clothes ... lightly worn ..."
"Let's see ... Hearts On Fire, Owner of a Lonely Heart, Heart of Rock and Roll ... I need to load these on my Heart-Pod..."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

Memo to all cupids:Stay the $%#&* away from airports!
2.) I can finally give my plucking arm some rest!
3.) Do they still think it was birds in that jet's engines?
4.)Yeah,I've been on desk duty since the Lyle Lovett/Julia Roberts fiasco.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"This is a change. People want a job, not a mate!!"
"These new glasses should help. I am shooting too many dogs!"
"These new glasses should help. Too many dogs are in heat!"
"Here is a target list from Bill Clinton!"
"These rose-colored glasses are what makes this job tolerable!"
"Dad didn't tell me about matching these misfits!"
"Ouch! Most people don't look good naked!"
"They promise to be together for eternity?! It's more like seven years!"
"Here is someone who wants me to hear his plea.....from jail!"
"Another discount arrow offer. Delete!"
"I just can't believe the level of customer dissatisfaction!?"
"Yes, I found them, poison tipped arrows! No more mister nice guy!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I can't lace my arrows with GHB. You'll have to use the Jesus Juice like last time."
"You want Oprah to be your Valentine? Sorry, but I use arrows not harpoons."
"I don't care if that is how they do it in West Virginia. I'm not hitting your sister."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Now who is getting married now?"
Ali Williamson

1. "Mr. Madoff, like I told the Tin Man, I don't do miracles."
2. "I'm afraid you sent your letter to me by mistake. I'll forward your request to our Lust Department."
3. "Look kid, for the last time, I don't know Santa Claus."
4. "I see he works for the IRS. I'll have to charge you extra for my special ‘cold seeking' arrow."
5. "Yes, we do offer a ‘Tough Love' package. It includes one arrow through the heart and twenty years of alimony."
6. "I'm not surprised you find me in all the wrong places. Your profile says you drink, gamble, and wrestle circus clowns."
Tom Norman, Greensboro
You had me at "wrestle circus clowns"

" Take that DarkKnight of DarkFlame, you can't beat the Master of Love at World of WarCraft"
Ryan Natal, age 12

"I'm sorry sir, I can't make you 'love' your wife's cooking."
"No, we do not cover medical costs for puncture wounds."
"Due to the state of the economy, we can only make her 'sorta like' you."
"Hi. I'm calling to see if you'd like to switch from Cupid wireless to Cupidtel."
"Our cheapest option is to fire an arrow into a large crowd. Are you a gambling man?"
"Tim, please stop sending in requests for the editors to love your drawings."
"I'm calling for an Ivanna Tinkle? . nevermind, dern kids."
"I'm trying to reboot the thing, but all these heart icons are confusing."
Grady, Greensboro
Great stuff here. I personally loved the fifth one.

That darn eye exam disqualified me for field work again!
Tim Tribbett

10. I just can't see well enough anymore to shoot my arrows into the heart!
11. Shoot!
12. Now, I can just point the arrow and click!
13. I've got to find a better optometrist!
13. I'm looking for a good lawyer, I'm suing my optomologist for malpractice.
14. Do you think eye surgery would help?
Nancy Nelson

15. Eye care!
Nancy Nelson

"I'm sorry, sir, but by the terms of my parole I am not allowed near any playgrounds."
"I can't deliver Madonna to you, sir, but don't worry, you'll eventually get your turn."
"No, Mr. Simpson, you cannot 'borrow' one of my arrows!"
"Let me get this straight. You want me to shoot an arrow into your right hand???"
"For that request, sir, you'll need to see a veterinarian instead."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"For the last time Mr. Tribbett, I don't know Clay Aiken's address!"
Carl Spackler, Bushwood Country Club

"Man, email sure makes my job easier!"
Kay Watterson, Browns Summit

"Some Cupid kills with arrows, others with poor customer service."
"Some Cupid kills with arrows, others with captions."
"Where are the "I'm with Cupid" t-shirts I ordered?"
"I missed her? Well, I'm not dumb, I'm just a little Cupid."
"Mom, quit calling me Eros. It's Cupid now."
"Well don't say 'herpes'. Just tell her it's Cupid's little measles."
"I shot Winky in the spleen?"
AAHHH! His spleen!
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

"Maybe I should lower my rates, William Tell appears to be taking market share in this economy."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Dear Cupid,
Thanks for helping me out again!
Hugh Hefner
Hayleigh Carroll, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
Whoop! Turns out, we had an early deadline this week. Sorry.
Honestly, I only need your age if you are 12 or under, so I can put you into the junior category.
I expanded my number of judges, starting this week, to try and get a broader consensus on the entries. All that did, though, was to increase the number of different captions picked. This ain't as easy as it looks. Why don't I just do it? I tend to root for the underdogs too much. Having other judges keep me honest.

WINNER
Wait! I can score you a sub-prime loan on Baltic Avenue!
Eli Oklesh, Gibsonville
Welcome back Eli. And now you're no longer a bridesmaid ...

JR. WINNER
Its just a game, you don't have to be so literal"
Ryan Natal, age 12, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
I don't even own a candlestick, you've got the wrong game!
Grady, Greensboro
Clear second-place winner

"Officer, I swear I didn't know that money was fake!"
Madison Carroll, Greensboro

Excuuuuuse me.....Could you drag me past Go?
Barbara James, Greensboro

Don't waste your time--the government will bail me out!
Patricia Freeman, Randleman

Don't tase me Bro!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Unhand me! I'm a cabinet nominee!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

I was just trying to stimulate the economy
Jerry Kyle

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Oh come on, last week's joke wasn't that bad!
I'm sorry I didn't pick your caption last week!
Grady, Greensboro

"Sheriff Leon Lott hauls off Tim Rickard after seeing an incriminating photo in the News-Record!"
Michael L. Creech, Springboro, OH

1) Officer Edgar Mallory doesn't wait to find out if Tim Rickard has taken appropriate measures to avoid trademark infringement penalties for his weekly Joke's On You sketch.
2) Cartoonist Tim Rickard finds himself wondering if he is about to meet Jake the Jailbird.
3) Local cartoon contest specialist, CC, wonders if she has met the noon time limit or if she too will soon meet Jake the Jailbird for missing her JOU deadline.
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
There were too many financial-scandal references to list
I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those meddling kids! 2.)
It was only $15,140! (the amount of money in a monopoly game,I think
You shoulda seen the mug on the girl who came in third (he won 2nd in a beauty contest)
Should I remove my shirt?(have to have watched COPS to get that one)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I'm telling you, I did not jump on the Reading as a means of tax evasion!" (Reading Railroad is right next to Income Tax payment on the game board)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

All this for obeying three straight "Speed Limit 55" signs?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
… think about it …

Oi vai iz mir !!!
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

BEST POEM
There's a Ponzi-scheme runner named Madoff
Who left lots of investors un-paid-off.
They should haul him to jail
And revoke any bail.
Then we'll see just what Madoff is made of.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

An old "Limey" who we will not name,
lost his pants in a poker game,
he made a bet he could not cover,
and was trying to sneak home to his wife and lover.
An English "Billy" out walking his beat,
said you are breaking the law by showing your seat,
as he quickly dragged him away,
this is what we heard him say,
you just might get a year and a day.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

BEST CAPTION TO THE WRONG CARTOON
honey, we made it to the play-offs
????

THE REST
1.)But I had to redecorate it.That office was unusable I tell you!
2.)Does this mean no taypayer financed resort trips?
3.)A taxpayer bailout means I can't reward my excellent managerial skills?!
4.) I was just displaying a little synergy!
5.)But I didn't collect my 200 million dollars!
6.) It's a bum rap copper.
7.)But I'm rich.I'm above the law!
8.)But but that money isn't even real!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

What it's only 50 Billion
Chuck Armentrout, Greensboro

BUT OFFICER I THOUGHT I WAS PLAYING MONOPOLY!!
MARTHAELLEN SMITH, LEXINGTON

But Officer Peta, I didn't kill a walrus for this moustache.
But Officer, I'm from Wall Street in SANFORD.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"If only I had a 'Get-Out-of-Jail-Free' card!"
"Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not. . . "
"But, Officer, she looked older than sixteen."
Ken Layton, Carthage
The last one got a vote from one judge. A groan from another ...

1. Wait, I have a get of jail free card!
2. I was just trying to get my free McDonald's burger!
Nancy Nelson

I really do have to GO!
Jessie Taylor, 12 Wentworth

Times is hard!!!!! Please let me collect that $200 Unemployment check first
Farrah Gunn, Wentworth

---but my name is Medoff, officer, not Madoff! M-E-doff, MEDOFF!!
Royce Riddick, Greensboro

"Stop!! Can't I just PASS GO and skip the congressional hearing?"
" Officer, please!! It was only a Ponzi with play money!"
Ray Sullivan, Greensboro

...if Madoff played Monopoly
Dan Collins, Greensboro

3. What do you mean my money's no good!
4. You do know, this is only a game!
5. Game on!
6. If you can't pay, you can't play!
7. I didn't take your property, you lost it!
8. This is getting old!
9. I'm so board!
10. Calgon take me away!
11. Well if you owned all this property you wouldn't be able to pay the taxes either!
12. With the receding economy, my properties are worthless!
13. Want to buy Park Place, cheap!
14. Thanks, I had to sell Broadwalk so I need a place to stay!
Nancy Nelson
Number 3 got a vote from a judge

" I really hate it when they get the GO TO JAIL card"
Ryan Natal, age 12, Greensboro

"I hate rolling 3 doubles in a row"
ali williamson, age 11, summerfield

It's a case of mistaken identity -- I'm not Colonel Blimp!
I'd offer you a bribe, Officer, but I invested with Big Bernie.
There goes my Cabinet appointment . . . maybe.
You're not my momma -- stop wearing out the seat of my britches!
I'll be just dandy as long as it's penthouse arrest.
Profiling again, Officer?
Joan Lux, Greensboro
Liked the last one

I was just trying to stimulated the economy
Jerry Kyle

But I was just President of the United States 2 weeks ago!
Les Thomas

"Bernie Madoff goes directly to jail, he does not pass go, he does not collect $200"
"Bank fraud discovered, each taxplayer must pay $200."
"I've got splinters on my backside from being dragged across Boardwalk!"
"Wait! I've lost my top hat!"
"I swear it wasn't me! I saw some guy in a shoe do it!"
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH
I liked the last one

" Go to Jail ? Bernie Madoff only got house arrest ! "
Steve Holland, Southmont

"My name is not Bernie Madoff, I work for the Parker Bros'!"
Don Gunn, Madison

You've been warned about leaving the house without your pants on!
Betty & Bill, Greensboro

All I did was give myself a raise with taxpayer money, Congress does that every year. Why don't you go to DC and get your exercise there?
Joel Leonard

"The last of the notorious Parker Bros. is hauled off directly to jail."
"Another of Obama's cabinet candidates exposed for tax evasion, is hauled out of the committee hearings."
"The commissioner is hauled directly off to jail after a picture of him
smoking a marijuana pipe at a South Carolina house party appeared in a British tabloid."
"Sheriff Leon Lott hauls off Tim Rickard after seeing an incriminating photo in the News-Record."
"But officer, the photo was doctored. I am innocent!"
"As the sun set, casting an eerie orange glow, another Wall Street financier goes directly to jail."
"But officer, can't I please pass go? I need to collect $200!"
"Can I offer you a little stimulus package to let me go free?"
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH
Your last one got a vote from one judge

Don't worry - I'm just training for the annual police department drag race.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

There's a Ponzi-scheme runner named Madoff
Who left lots of investors un-paid-off.
They should haul him to jail
And revoke any bail.
Then we'll see just what Madoff is made of.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"Officer, I was just kidding when i said..."what are you going to do drag me in?
Rick Barton, Greensboro

"You can't arrest me - I'm Bernard Madoff.
Luther Jackson, Stoneville

"No, I will not vote Democratic."
"Arrggh, I think I swallowed my monocle."
"You can't foreclose on Park Place."
"Who called 2 Wants to Know?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"You don't understand, I've been nominated for a Cabinet post."
"Not so tight, you're crushing my Water Works."
"You're hurting my Fannie Mae."
"Honestly, it's a safe pyramid scheme."
"But it isn't fair to cap my executive pay."
"If this keeps on, the bottom's going to fall out."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

honey, we made it to the play-offs
compaq Isotonic

1) Obama appointees: Pass income tax, go directly to JAIL!
2) Wait! I can score you a sub-prime loan on Baltic Avenue!
Eli Oklesh, Gibsonville

Hey! What about my 'Get out of Jail' card?
Ashley James, Greensboro

Excuuuuuse me.....Could you drag me past Go?
Barbara James, Greensboro

YOU CALL THIS A BAIL-OUT?
CURTIS BROWN, SILER CITY

I REALLY WISH I HAD BOUGHT THOSE HOTELS, INSTEAD OF ACCEPTING THE 17 MILLION DOLLAR SIGNING BONUS AND THE USE OF THE COMPANY JET.

DO YOU THINK I COULD GET AN ANKLE BRACELET JUST LIKE MADOFF'S, IT WILL GO SO WELL WITH MY OUTFIT?
MINDY BROWN, SILER CITY

"All I wanted was my senior discount!"
Libby Blythe, Greensboro

1.) I say, please refrain from tasing me Bro!
2.) Don't tase me Bro!
3.) I hope my cell is well stocked with Grey Poupon!
4.) Do they have any Grey Poupon?
5.) I'm sure my cellmates will be sympathetic to my plight.
6.) My good man, would you consider home confinement?
7.) I REALLY need a bailout now.
8.)That @#$%&* race car framed me!
9.)Should I remove my shirt?(have to have watched COPS to get that one)
10.)but,but...it was only taxpayer money!
11.)but,but...it was only a measly billion!
12.) Can you put me in with Bernie?
13.)Can you drag me by Congress? I need more money!
14.) I know the company is bankrupt but my excellent managerial skills must be rewarded!
15.)Anywhere but Baltic avenue!
16.) But I needed that Van Gogh for my office!
17.) But I have a get out of jail free card!
18.)But I can't use single ply!!
19.)Unhand me! I'm a cabinet nominee!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"It wasn't me; it was the Hamburglar!"
Chuck Norton, Reidsville

" Wait! I haven't received my bonus yet"
Bob Fuller, Greensboro
nice

1. Do I get $200 when we pass GO?
2. I have a Get Out of Jail card.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

All this for obeying three straight "Speed Limit 55" signs?
Just be glad the DA's not Mike Nifong.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

1. I paid the income tax when I got the $200 for passing go.
2. I have a "Get Out Of Jail Card."
3. Forgetting to pay tax was an innocent mistake.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Taxes Schmaxes, I'm up for a cabinet position!"
Craig Moon, High Point
Good entry. The judges preferred Tim's wording in a similar vein.

1.) Go directly to jail.Do not pass Congress.Do not collect 200 billion dollars.
2.) OH DEAR,I do hope they have grey poupon!
3.) But look how low I've kept the rents!
4.)But those rent controls were killing me!
5.)Slumlord?! What do they expect for $150 a month?!
6.)But I'm not Colonel Mustard I tell you!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Mr. Monopoly arrested today; Dog and Thimble still at large."
"Mr. Monopoly, industrialist and slum lord, arrested today."
"Come on Buddy, we know about the gambling ring on Baltic Avenue."
"Lost big in mortgage crash; tried to pay debt with Monopoly money."
"Lost in mortgage crash, robbed liquor store; sent directly to jail."
"Game Over"
"Somebody needs a get out of jail free card."
"Unpaid mortgages on Boardwalk forced Mr. Monopoly into life of crime."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
The first one here made the short list and got at least one vote. — Good one.

1.) Is dragging standard procedure?
2.)You're ruining my cashmere blazer!
3.) My lavish purchases stimulate the economy!
I'll stop grabbing lampposts if you stop aiming for dog poo!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Do not pass go - do not collect 200 Billion Dollars
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

An old "Limey" who we will not name,
lost his pants in a poker game,
he made a bet he could not cover,
and was trying to sneak home to his wife and lover.
An English "Billy" out walking his beat,
said you are breaking the law by showing your seat,
as he quickly dragged him away,
this is what we heard him say,
you just might get a year and a day.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

14. Could you drag me past GO so I can collect $200, I'll need it for bail?!
15. Who rolled over on me?!
16. I'm not a hobo, I own the B&O. Railroad!
17. I didn't know rolling before your turn was a misameanor!
18. I'm not a terrorist, I just sold Obama Pennsylvania Ave.
19. This is beginning to be a drag!
20. This is a real drag!
21. What embezzlement?!
22. Who knew owning all the railroads was a monopoly?!
Nancy Nelson
I thought you had some strong entries this week, Nancy

Wait! Wait! I used TurboTax.
Carolyn Patterson, Greensboro

1) I thought I just had to apologize for not paying taxes!
2) Oh come on, last week's joke wasn't that bad!
3) I didn't know a cop car was considered a "company car"!
4) Just because I can afford Boardwalk doesn't mean I make over $500k a year!
5) When did you put the meter on free parking?
6) I don't even own a candlestick, you've got the wrong game!
7) I'm sorry I didn't pick your caption last week!
8) Weeeeeeeeeee!
9) This is the worst police escort I've ever had!
10) I'm not crazy! That thimble just collected rent from a wheelbarrow!
11) I realize we were bailed out, but I passed "Go!"
12) Have you ever asked me just to walk to jail??
13) Can we go around the sycamore trees this time??
Grady, Greensboro
Good ones here. Your "Clue" reference garnered the second most votes.

"Officer, I swear I didn't know I couldn't use monopoly money!"
Kay Watterson, Browns Summit

"I guess the bail out just can't help some people!"
Hayleigh Carroll, Greensboro

"Officer, I swear I didn't know that money was fake!"
"Looks like even the Big Shots are being evicted!"
Madison Carroll, Greensboro

"Donut hoarding? I would have shared with you officer, but it was the
Krispy Kreme Challenge. I HAD to eat all 12 donuts."
"Officer, you don't understand. I am an elected politician. The law doesn't apply to me"
"I'm not mocking you officer. I always look orange and black."
Scott H. Douglas

"Ohhh, my skin. Is this your idea of spreading the wealth?"
"O.k, o.k, I'll put heat in my rental houses."
"O.K Jeeves, I'll give you a dollar raise."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

What SHOULD have happened to Wall Street bankers!
Tom Shelmerdine, Greensboro
Amen.

1.) I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!
2.) It was only $15,140! (the amount of money in a monopoly game,I think)
3.) I had nothing to do with the explosion at the cheetos factory!! (that one only works in color)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1. "You can't keep stealing the top hat!"
2. "You were found pilfering in Judy's chest not Community Chest!"
3. "Let me go, Officer Mallory...I'll give you Virginia and States Avenue.
4. "But, I never saw any meters...It said Free Parking."
5. "I'm telling you, I did not jump on the Reading as a means of tax evasion!"
(Reading Railroad is right next to Income Tax payment on the game board)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
Good Monopoly references — some things beyond he obvious

You shoulda seen the mug on the girl who came in third(he won 2nd in a beauty contest)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

My caption entry is:
Don't waste your time--the government will bail me out!
Patricia Freeman, Randleman

"But I didn't know about the income tax after the $200 I collected at Go!"
Annie S., Age 13, Greensboro

"No Officer, I promise my name is not Madoff!"
"Looks like someone did pass go and collected $2,000 in bail out money!"
Hayleigh Carroll, Greensboro

"But officer, I did pass Go!"
Kay Watterson, Browns Summit

1. Could we stop at McDonald's first?
2. Just don't send me to Shawshank.
Eric Grimm, Greensboro

1, 2, 3 strikes your out of the old board game
They literally dragged the cat out of the bag
Three doubles and your goin' to a Jail Cell with Monoply man on it
Ryan Natal, age 12

Can we at least pass Go?
OK, so maybe we should've given the beauty contest winner more than ten bucks!
Jim Rando, Summerfield
Nice Monopoly references.

1. Due to a clerical error "handcuffs" were originally called "anklecuffs".
2. In the early years of baseball, players were arrested for stealing bases.
3. Setting a standard for bankers, Mr. Monopoly has been bailed out 1,617,236,159 times since 1935.
4. "Of course I took the money, I thought TARP stood for 'To A Rich Person'."
5. "I didn't steal the purse, it's my game token!"
6. "I hit him with my purse because he always has to be the car."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Alright O.J., we got ya this time.
You're not going to skip out on another wedding.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
I liked the second one

Caption: "My dear sir, this game is NOT a Ponzi scheme!!
Reta Beck, Greensboro

"I must insist that we deserve equal consideration for an economic bailout !!!
Reta Beck, Greensboro

" Its just a game, you don't have to be so literal"
Ryan Natal, age 12

"Go directly to The Special Place in Hell Reserved for Bernie Madoff. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $2,000,000,000."
Larry Parrish, Tarpon Springs, FL

23. Release me and I'll make you a token in the next version of the game!
25. I didn't know our houses were not up the building code!
Nancy Nelson

1) Is this some kind of game ?
2) I hope somebody is getting this on their camera phone !
3) She threw the iron first !
4) If I gave you a railroad would this go away ?
5) I know...I know...do not pass go....do not collect $ 200 .
6) My accountant told me those taxes were paid !
7) Did Madoff sell me out ?
8) Picture your little girl winning a beauty contest. I can make it happen !
9) What's a little anti-trust amongst friends ?
10) Get my anti-trust lawyer on the phone !
11) Stinking zoning laws !!
12) What if I told you something very interesting about the Parker Brothers ?
13) I knew as soon as Bush left office that the gig was up.
14) What if you could get your hands on some of that bailout money ?
15) When my lawyers get done you'll be on Baltic Avenue foot patrol !
16) I know where you can pick up a quick $ 200 if you're game .
17) But we were not playing by the offical rules !
18) Couldn't I just go back 3 spaces ?
19) How am I supposed to know where the jackpot is ?
20) Oi vai iz mir !!!
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem
A few of these made it to the short list, some of those even garnered some votes.

HOLY EARLY DEADLINES BATMAN!
I finally free up enough time to try to get back in the competition only to find out it's an early deadline and I'm ALREADY TOO LATE!
Aaaaaaargh!!!
I'm so depressed now... I'm going to Krispy Kreme and eat myself into a Sugar-Coma...I hope your happy...
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Sorry, Bob. How ‘bout this week?

"All I did was pass go!!!"
Ciara Tolbert, Age 10, Julian

"You're in trouble. This police action will be in the papers!"
"I know Donald Trump."
"Watch the Bruno Maglis!"
"Let me go! The TJOY photo shoot is over!"
"Uncle, uncle!
"Wait! You can have Boardwalk!"
"You are ruining the silk pants!"
"Hold it! I have a Get Out of Jail card!"
" and I regularly donate my Pass Go money to Police Charities!"
"The name is Monopoly, not Madoff, idiot!"
"Embezzler!? It's only a game!!"
"The Railroad foreclosures were not my fault!'
"Wrong game, blockhead! I did not kill Miss Scarlet in the billiards room with a knife!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Of these, I liked the "Clue" reference best. The judges seemed to prefer Grady's, though

Officer Edgar Mallory finds out that Mr.Monopoly's alias is not only Rich Uncle Pennybags but Bernie Maddoff and takes appropriate measures.
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1) Officer Edgar Mallory doesn't wait to find out if Tim Rickard has taken appropriate measures to avoid trademark infringement penalties for his weekly Joke's On You sketch.
2) Cartoonist Tim Rickard finds himself wondering if he is about to meet Jake the Jailbird.
3) Local cartoon contest specialist, CC, wonders if she has met the noon time limit or if she too will soon meet Jake the Jailbird for missing her JOU deadline.
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

HURRY! EARLY DEADLINE THIS WEEK! NEED ENTRIES BY NOON WEDNESDAY!

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
I know, you get tired of the same people winning. What can I say? I refuse to penalize people for being good. And as far as playing favorites, we have several judges who don't know the entrants names. The captions are picked only on wether they are good or not.
There's been a miscommunication, I only need your age if you are entering the JR. Division - age 12 and under. You ladies can stop lying about your ages now.
It's fun to watch who will be the person "in the zone" each week. One person will seem to step up their game and enter even better than usual stuff. In past weeks, it's been guys like Bob, Ken, Tim, Bill, Jon, Joel, CC, etc. This week, it's Brandon whose every entry made the short list.

WINNER
Get the ladder. The kids are stuck up on the roof again!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

JR. DIVISION WINNER
"..... What overtime!! You better not have been seeing that Air Pump from the Gas Station!!"
Ryan Natal, age 12, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"You go right back out there and apologize to Charlie Brown."
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Why did this one get picked over the other Charlie Brown references? It came across as more conversational, fit the expressions well, and was a wee bit more subtle. Just enough information to get the joke. (It's so subjective.)

"What do you mean, now it's YOUR turn to toss around the 'ol pigskin?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Are you sure you want to stick with that story? Your last play is under review.
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

"I don't care if you were handed to someone in the stands, late is late!"
David Dew, Jamestown

"I beg your pardon ! I'd like you to know I'm still official size!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Why the long face?"
Hayleigh Carroll, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
If you're going to play with Chris Kelly and John Elway, you'd better hurry. Kelly's going to wake up soon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Even I don't get this one.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Our son's heartbroken… He didn't get accepted at UNCG.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Good one.

If Jake really liked you he wouldn't keep giving you to the other team!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Tim Rickard want's you to just play ball and stop throwing those ridiculous captions at him! Nancy Nelson

BEST WORST PUNS
Tim can keep his 2 cents but I want my quarterback! (Hey,no groaning please!)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

BEST POEM
Playing football whenever he'd like
Caused the missus to go out on strike.
She won't take any more!
When they met at the door,
She advised him to go take a hike.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Football is a lame game,
I told you those tough guys would fall on you,
When things get rough, Passes go awry,
Field Goals don't go in, Who gets the blame,
You my dear friend, Please come in,
Get in your comforty chair,
I promise not to get in your hair,
I'll even get your beer and chips,
Watch your game in HDTV
and Then it's only fair that you wait on me!
Nancy Nelson

An old pigskin stood in dismay,
on super bowl Sunday,
when he heard his wife say,
there will be no TV for you today,
because my book club girls
are on their way.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

An old pigskin stood in dismay,
on super bowl Sunday,
when he heard his wife say,
there will be no TV for you today,
because my book club girls
are on their way.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

MATURE
I said I was sorry I called for a measurement last night!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Wait a minute! Is that lipstick on your blow hole
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I don't appreciate being called a FILF!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I caught little Billy in his bedroom snapping himself.
Tribbett,Greensboro

Shotgun formation?! What kind of girl do you think I am
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

And so you won't feel all alone, Tim
"Marlene says you have excellent hang time." (sorry)
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
You should be ...

THE REST
1.)Please tell me you weren't out with the Detroit Lions again.
2.)You were with the Lions again.I can see it in your eyes.
3.)Late again! Don't expect to score any touchdowns tonight mister!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Go have a talk with your son! He's got posters of Kobe Bryant and Lebron James in his room!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"Remember to keep your laces straight, and don't play with those bullies at the Super Bowl."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Chin up, Henry, you'll get a kick out of the game."
Ken Layton, Carthage

1. Who kicked you in the head?!
2. Where have you been, the Super Bowl was over hours ago?!
3. What's your lame excuse this time!
4. Your coach called and said you missed practice again!
5. If you want to be the next American Idol, you have to practice!
Nancy Nelson
This is open advice to everyone: Nancy, you often hit on good ideas that aren't fully developed. My suggestion is to go back over and find the entries you think have the most promise and rework them, rephrase them, play around with them with an eye on matching the cartoon expressions. SO much of a caption's success depends on just the right phrasing - you want it short, but conversational and subtle.

I don't like Junior hanging around the exchange students. They keep talking about David Beckham, whoever that is...
Ken Sheldon, Elon

6. What do you mean, don't kick you when you're down?!
7. You're grounded!
8. Practice, practice, practice!
9. I thought you wanted a football scholarship!
10. You keep hanging out with those tough guys and you'll never get into college!
Nancy Nelson

"Sweetie, I promise you won't miss any of the Superbowl. I'm recording it for you"
Andrea Small, High Point

"Why the long face?"
Hayleigh Carroll,

"You've got to stop going to soccer games. You always come home so depressed."
Kay Watterson, Browns Summit

"Look at you. Deflated again!"
Kay Watterson, Browns Summit

"What idiot told you that girls that wear glasses don't get to be passes?"
Rick McDonnell, Greensboro

When are you and Lucy going to quit playing tricks on that poor kid, Charlie Brown?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

11. Stand up for yourself, don't let them kick you around!
12. I got a kick seeing you on TV today!
Nancy Nelson

My caption is: This is Tuesday. Our date was for Monday.
Susan Craver, Thomasville

You may be cool but I am cheap!!!
Duane King, Reidsville

13. You forgot your tee again!
14. Tee, tee, tee!
Nancy Nelson

1.)You actually saw some lady's 11 kids beat the Detroit lions?!
2.)You shouldn't take the losses so personally.
3.) You're late for dinner and your air is ice cold!
4.)How was work today? Score any baskets?
5) I'm sorry but you are late and time has expired.
6.) I'm sorry I called for a measurement in bed last night
7.)You're late! That's a five yard penalty and loss of down!
8.) If you feel bloated feel free to pass a little gas.
9.)Did they spike my poor baby again?!
10.)I recognize that look of hopelessness and despair.You've been working at a Lion's game haven't you?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro ( Don't tell him but I actually thought Bryan's caption was the funniest last week. Thanks for doing a football cartoon.What do you say to a Detroit Lion with a superbowl ring? STOP THIEF! I can't believe a looney tune caption won and it wasn't Bob Mannary's)
Ah, Bob. We'll keep a light on in the window for ya.

"Wilson...is that you? Umm..the punter is ready to warm up now.
Jason Breshears, Greensboro

" Your Father is in the Game."
"Lots of punts. Get the tub ready for your dad."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

Our son's heartbroken... He didn't get accepted at UNCG.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

15. It never fails, that place kicker,Lucy, never lets Charlie Brown kick the ball!
16. Where's the TV remote!
17. How many times did you hit those goal posts today!
18. That quarterback was tossing you around like you were a hot potato!
19. Sorry you got sacked so many times today, are you alright!
20. Don't track your mud in here,I just mopped the floor!
21. I saw you touch down!
22. I'm proud of you son, you really known how to score!
23. You're attaining more goals every day!
24. I see you got skinned again!
25. I'm glad you're thick-skinned,I jumped out of mine when all those guys fell on you!
Nancy Nelson

If you're going to play with Chris Kelly and John Elway, you'd better hurry. Kelly's going to wake up soon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

1.) I said I was sorry I called for a measurement last night!
2.)Of course you feel gassy and bloated.We all do!
3.) If you're that hungry we can go out for a little surf and astro turf.
4.) Well son, we always knew your job oppotunities would be limited.
5.) I'm sorry but I only date liscensed NFL equipment.
6.) I'm leaving you for a NERF.
7.) I'll go out with you but no holding or illegal motion mister!
8.) I can never forgive the pigskin comment.
9.) I'm leavng you for a bucket of golf balls.
10.)Wait a minute! Is that lipstick on your blow hole?!
11.) It's superbowl sunday and you didn't bring me any flowers!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
#5 was also a strong entry

"I don't care if you were handed to someone in the stands, late is late!".
David Dew, Jamestown

1.)To help out the kids got jobs as superbowl party decorations.
2.) Did you and Jake patch things up?
3.) If Jake really liked you he wouldn't keep giving you to the other team!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Those super bowl retards. They should care for there elders, not kick `em where the sun don `t shine."
"So what was it like being tossed around like a football?"
jordan frye 9

"You've been playing the field again, haven't you?"
"I heard you made a hail mary pass...WHO'S MARY?!"
"What do you mean, now it's YOUR turn to toss around the 'ol pigskin?"
"No, you can't toss around the 'ol pigskin!"
"Now your Sunday's are free for church and visits to my mother's."
"Thanks for using the door and not crashimg through the window."
"Why don't you talk Lucy into letting Charlie Brown kick you?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
All nice ones, Brandon

1.)We're over Kyle.Go kick yourself!
2.) After that last Panther's game I lost all respect for you!
3.) I'm sorry but I don't date high school footballs!
4.)I don't appreciate being called a FILF!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"..... What overtime!! You better not have been seeing that Air Pump from the Gas Station!!"
Ryan Natal, age 12, Greensboro

Playing football whenever he'd like
Caused the missus to go out on strike.
She won't take any more!
When they met at the door,
She advised him to go take a hike.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Why couldn't you be more like your brother Wilson?
Rachel and KC,Greensboro
This had potential and I kinda liked it but it slid past the other judges

1.) Must you return every freakin' time I kick you out?!
2.) You're leaving the Panthers too?!
3.)If Jake really loved you he would stop giving you away so darn much! 4.)It's your uncle Phil.There's been a puncture accident!
5.) Maybe you'll be in the next super bowl thingy dear.
6.) College football agreed to have a playoff and scrap the BCS! Just kidding!
7.) You're acting awfully defensive for some reason.
8.)Get the ladder.The kids are stuck up on the roof again!
9.)How could a bunch of cardinals beat panthers?
10.)You never want to huddle after we make love!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro(I really like this cartoon)
Thanks, but I got the idea from one of your suggestions.

" Oh, out playing with the boys again?''
"Don't give me that lame excuse, playing with the boys again."
"Boy, don't give me that look. I'm about to kick you out this house."
"I never thought I would have a son so full of hot air."
"Come on in so I can give you a good kicking."
"No, you can't go and play in the Super Bowl."
"Wait till Dad gets his hands on you."
"Son, you been called up by the NFL."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

1.) I caught little Billy using your air compressor to bulk up.
2.) I caught little Billy in his bedroom snapping himself.
3.) I don't feel like cooking.Let's go out for some air.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

26. That show Survivor called today, they want you as a contestant!
27. I'm glad to see I'm not a football widow!
28. Did you forget the pizza and beer again?!
29. The preacher asked if he'd be seeing you next Sunday!
Football is a lame game,
I told you those tough guys would fall on you,
When things get rough, Passes go awry,
Field Goals don't go in, Who gets the blame,
You my dear friend, Please come in,
Get in your comforty chair,
I promise not to get in your hair,
I'll even get your beer and chips,
Watch your game in HDTV
and Then it's only fair that you wait on me!
Nancy Nelson

1.) I hate it when you're forced to strip like that on national television!
2.)Go pick up a pint of air and a 6 pack of assorted gases for dinner.
3.)Wipe yourself on the mat.I hate a wet slick football!
4.) YOUR son just told me he wants to play basketball!
5.)Andy,Opie is stuck on the roof again!
6.) Tim Tribbett,DVM

1.) We may have to sell the kids to Play It Again Sports!
2.)Shotgun formation?! What kind of girl do you think I am?!
3.) Maybe the arena football league is hiring.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I say you're grounded but your father says it's under review."
"Oh my gosh I can see the needle marks."
"Hurry, your father is spiraling out of control."
"I'm sorry, they say your knee touched before you came inside."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Nice

"Are you sure you want to stick with that story? Your last play is under review.
"This had better be good...it's fourth and long and you're out of time outs."
"Good question son. Since I don't have ears or a nose, I use stick 'em to keep my glasses up.
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

Do I smell pork rinds on your breath?
The kids have been bouncing off the walls all day.
I'm tired of hearing you've been kicked around at the office all day.
I'm on my way to the spa for a therapeutic mud bath.
You're still laced up pretty tight for this hour of the night.
Joan Lux Greensboro
Liked bouncing off the walls

Well, you had your moment of fame now take out the garbage.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
Good one

"Son, your deflated dad would have been so proud of you today!"
"Remember, being kicked around is part of the game!"
"I saw that smile when the cheerleader picked you up!"
"During the game winning field goal attempt, your eyes where on the cheerleaders, not the goal post!"
"Go take a shower. You smell like a pig!"
"Again, don't take being squeezed and grabbed at personnel"
"You didn't score at the game. What makes you think you will score tonight?
"Your bookie called. He very upset about the missed extra point!"
"That greasy pizza before the game caused all your fumbling!"
"Remember, 50 million people will be watching you!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
I liked the bookie one best

"Oh. You think you're better than me because you were caught by Santonio Holmes".Well I was thrown by Eli Manning in the Super Bowl XLII".
ali williamson age 11 Summerfield
Nice, but required a bit of football knowledge to get it.

Young man, are you making a pass at me?
Diane Johnson, Siler City

"Who cares where you work,,,AFC or NFC....you always get kicked around anyway."
Christian Pike, 12, Junior Division, Siler City
Your entry got some votes

An old pigskin stood in dismay,
on super bowl Sunday,
when he heard his wife say,
there will be no TV for you today,
because my book club girls
are on their way.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"Don't forget to wipe your feet before.... oh never mind."
"How did you open that door young man?"
"No, you cannot drop out of school and turn pro."
Mike. Creech, Springboro, OH

"Yes, you have to wear a helmet."
"I don't care what the coach says.you have to wear a helmet."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"C'mon in Fred and pull up a tee."
""They said that guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses."
"Marlene says you have excellent hang time." (sorry)
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Pull up a tee is good

Have you been out getting your kicks?
Richard Smith, Greensboro

30. Tim Rickard want's you to just play ball and stop throwing those ridiculous captions at him
31. Just tell them to stop touchng you!
32. I told you to wear a helmet like the rest of your teammates!
33. Tell the coach,I said you needed to get home earlier!
34. I don't want to deflate you but you played a lousy game!
35. You're a little deflated, I'll get the pump!
37. Your buddies are rolling around the floor in there making fun of you!
38. People don't understand what INFLATION really means!
39. Don't think you can just bounce in ANY time you feel like it!
Nancy Nelson

Where have you been, you little punt?
Joan Lux Greensboro

Well son, what did she kick you out for this time?
Pam Hart, Siler City

I don't care who is playing, I'm pulling for the Panthers
Don Rankin, Greensboro
Ditto

Yeah - I got kicked around a lot at your age too. You'll pass thru this.
Bob Langlais, Kernersville

1. "Don't give me that ‘I'm about to get kicked in the face' look."
2. "You go right back out there and apologize to Charlie Brown."
3. "You can play with your friends but no roughhousing."
4. "Don't bother your father, he's been working in the trenches all day."
5. "What's with the long face? It's just the off-season. You'll be kicked, slammed, thrown, and jumped on again before you know it."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

1) " There's no reason to lie, I saw the instant replay. "
2) " Now you have to go to Hawaii ? "
3) " I beg your pardon ! I'd like you to know I'm still official size! "
4) " I just saying, it was the Super Bowl and a " Hi Mom " would have been nice ! "
5) " I don't care if it is the off season, you're not lying around then house. "
6) " Nobody "HAS" to break the plain . "
7) " Be on your best behavior and keep your spiral tight. "
8) " Don't let it get to you, nobody saw you get spiked. "
9) " Don't you get to go to Disneyland ? "
10) " I thought you were given to the MVP ? "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

31. Just tell them to stop touching you!
40. What's your game excuse this time?!
41. Will you be the Monday morning quarterback this week?!
42. Did you know, you're getting the boot?!
43. You scored!!
Nancy Nelson

Tim can keep his 2 cents but I want my quarterback! (Hey,no groaning please!)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1) "You, in the Super Bowl, now that's what I call Fantasy Football !"
2) " I was about to lose my mind until your dad told me what a dead ball penalty was ! "
3) " If you're not drunk then roll a straight line. "
4) " I'm so proud of you. My baby, the game ball ! "
5) " Who is this Hail Mary the announcer kept referring to. "
6) " If you get blitzed one more time you are out of the house ! "
7) " Why do you let them kick you around like that ? "
8) " You will never find work outside of America. "
9) " You and the long snapper are getting a little to friendly. "
10) " Your father has been intercepted ! "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"You're late Spalding."
"Don't expect me to pump you up every time you feel deflated."
"I heard you were too far right for me."
"You really tee me off sometime."
"You better not make a pass at me."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Let me guess....The game went into overtime....Again!
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
A close contender

44. I didn't see any angels in your endzone!
45. What's the Game Plan now ?
Nancy Nelson

1. You give new meaning to the term, "Pigskin."
2. You know I'm a Cardinal fan, you could have gone wide right
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
Good ones.

"May I borrow your grid iron?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Did you get kicked out of the game?"
"i thought you were going to the Superbowl?"
Bill Lawson, Stoneville