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LIFE

The Joke's On You

So, you think you're funny. Here's your chance to make thousands laugh at your joke.

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February 10, 2012

THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 021012

 Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 021612

 
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
 
Welcome to Linda Gretton and her Strategic Communication students from High Point University.
The most common caption this week? “Recalculating.” But, victory goes to the quick. Right, Stephen?
 
 

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LAST WEEK’S CARTOON

WINNER
Recalculating.
Stephen Howard, Oak Ridge
 
RUNNERS-UP
I don't think you should buy it. It's gonna need a lot of work.
Ella McClellan, Greensboro
 
Please never ask me to 'follow that coyote' again.
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Quick ! Put the radio back on that religious station!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
DOACL!
(driving off a cliff laughing)
Tim Tribbett
 
I JST LRND Y U SHLDNT TXT N DRV
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
"Stupid GPS!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
...but the dealership said this is a SMART car!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point
 
"I give up,what has 4 wheels and flies?"
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
"And I just filled the tank up, too."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
JR. WINNER
You have arrived at your destination.
Gretchen, Triangle Lake
 
JR RUNNER-UPS
That's where they get the saying, "Go the wrong way, fall off a cliff."
Mahogany D, Frazier
 
Turn right ahead...Recalculating...Turn left now!
Jack Beckett, 9, Oak Ridge
 
"My Dad is definitely going to ground me for this one!"
Josh Parsons 6th grade, Kernersville
 
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
Don't worry, we got air bags !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
"No, you idiot, your OTHER left!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
Hello, Dial-a-Prayer?
Tim Tribbett
 
I’ll reach this CD on the floorboard if it’s the last thing I do.
Monty Kivett, Greensboro
 
"I give up,what has 4 wheels and flies?"
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
My husband left me, I lost my job, I broke a heel, my latte was cold........what else could possibly go wrong?
Mike Perry
-----------------------------------------
BEST INSIDE JOKE
IIIEEE!!! MY SPLEEN!!!
"Hey Tim, how about moving that caption box out of my way!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
TOOOOOOOONNCESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mike Perry
 
Jerry, I have to confess something... I cheated on the contest!
Mike Perry
 
WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!! WHEEE WHEEE WHEEE WHEEEEEEEEE!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Goodbye Louise, Goodbye Thelma !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
No, Jessica, I'm not up a pole - Do I have flight insurance?
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
"Wow, this is pretty chitty....chitty, bang, bang!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Trust me, dude, this is the quickest way to 'White Castle'!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
Is that Harold or Kumar talking?
 
"Oh man, there's never any 'Flubber' around when you need it!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
What's Mater's phone number?
I should have made that left turn in Albuquerque.
Darn! Now I'll never be able to get that dough I hid under the big "W",
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Don’t worry, Jonathan Winters will find it!
 
Oh, Toonces! Not again!
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
 
”AFLAC!!!!!!"
Mike Lewis, Kernersville
 
"Wonder Twins power....activate!"
Stephen Parsons, Kernersville
 
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE- STAR TREK EDITION
"Beam me up, Scotty! NOW!
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Beam me up, Scotty!
Stephen Parsons, Kernersville
 
Ahead Warp Factor 3 Scotty.   NOW!
Mike Perry
 
Space, the final frontier.........
Mike Perry
 
BEST/WORST PUN
None? Did I miss one?
 
BEST POEMS
Lots of parents at some time will strive
To teach teenagers how they should drive.
    They are glad that they make
    That emergency brake
So that they will return home alive.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
A hot rodder in a little red car.
Drove down an old road a little to far.
It would have been fun on the way down,
If he could spread some wings and not hit the ground.
He had no wings so he came down fast,
And the little red car is a thing of the past.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES
Turn right ahead...Recalculating...Turn left now!
Jack Beckett (age 9), Oak Ridge
 
"My Dad is definitely going to ground me for this one!"
Josh Parsons 6th grade, Kernersville
 -----------------------
Submitted by Louise Monroe
Frazier
Azzam: Oh, no, Kevin, you busted out of the fence. But we are going to die!
Ayyanna S.: I hope this is a great short-cut to Golden Corral.
Miranda: I wonder if my car insurance has gone off the road, too.
Simone: This would be a good time to have air bags.
Pete: He's a bird! He's a plane! No, he's super coupe!
Matt C.: It's Bo time.
Li'l Mama: At least the gate did not break my fang.
Rot T.: Hey, there'd better be a landing pad!
Mahogany D.: That's where they get the saying, "Go the wrong way, fall off a cliff."
Brandon: Attack!!!!
Pretty'n'Pink: My baby is making the car fly.
Chase: I need a smarter brain.
Jami'el: I knew we should have had wings.
J.T.: This...is...gonna...hurt...a lot.
Louai: Screech. Rrrrr. Stop. Stop. We're out of gas.
Unique: Help me. An alien scared me, I jumped out, and my baby is still in the car.
 
Triangle Lake Montessori
Zion: Why you little killer eagle!
K.A.B.: Now I'll never have kids!!!
Little Kam: I believe I can fly!
Taha: At least the cops won't find me!
Cullen: You honkin' cliff. What the honk is wrong with you?
Zahabia: Yeah, let's call State Farm. Nationwide is on your side.
Trevor: Do you think we could still go to Applebees?
Madison: Hey, this is not a CAR POOL!!
Kalani: Mr. Bobby, you failed your driver's test.
Joe: Darn you, GPS.
Chloe: Help me, Tim Tebow!
The Dollar General: I regret nothing!
Camryn T.: I should update this thing.
Jade: AAAAHHHH! Where is my smoothie?
Gretchen: You have arrived at your destination.
Tom: Hey, my coffeee is floating.
Chay: Robbing cars is fun!
Matthew: Why is my car flying? I haven't bought flight insurance.
Courtney: Who let Gramps drive?
Nick T.:(GPS message): Turn left and please leave me in the road.
Lyndon: I said TO Cliff's house, not OFF the cliff.
William: I can't believe we're so close to that plane.
 
-----------
Bessmer
Linda:Meowww! I hate running from that dog into water! Hiss, you dog!!
 
-----------
THE REST
"Man, I really wish they would buy a crash test dummy for this job!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
IIIEEE!!! MY SPLEEN!!!
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"ROTFL! What the.....? OMG! OMG! OMG!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Short-cut, my sweet patootie!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Gladyss, I swear, I'm never taking you to another 'Transporter' movie!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Boy, am I glad I just put new shocks on this heap!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Oh man, this is gonna leave a mark!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Beam me up, Scotty! NOW!
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
" I think I can...I think I can..."
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Stupid GPS!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Okay, if you're gonna 'transform', now would be a good time!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"See George, I told you we should have gotten that rental car insurance!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"No, you idiot, your OTHER left!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Hey Tim, how about moving that caption box out of my way!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Oh man, there's never any 'Flubber' around when you need it!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
Audrey, when they close a road, they put up big signs, like this one.
AAAAHHHHHH!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
"Hurry up dude, put it in reverse, before it's too late!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
Dang it, Vince. The sign did say "Lookout Ahead!"
Ahead Warp Factor 3 Scotty.   NOW!
When we agreed on mile high club, this wasn't what I had in mind!
Mike Perry
 
Jst reading your txt on the dangers of txting while driving!
Tim Tribbett
 
"Recalculating."
Stephen Howard, Oak Ridge
 
:-D :-) :-( :-O
Tim Tribbett
 
“Recalculating”
Dick Schubert, Summerfield
 
"I'll be home right away. Love you. Bye."
Warren Lowder, Greensboro
 
"Trust me, dude, this is the quickest way to 'White Castle'!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
Well, that's where the GPS wants us to go.
Don't worry! I saw a guy do this on the X-Games.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Ooops!!!!!! That really was the end of the road...........
Doris Biesecker, Lexington
 
Hey ya'll watch this!
Emily Gordon age 15, Jamestown
 
Darn! Now I'll never be able to get that dough I hid under the big "W",
Well, dear, when I say we're going to drop in on your parents, I mean we're going to literally "drop in on your parents."
I JST LRND Y U SHLDNT TXT N DRV
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Wheeeeee!!!!!!!
I'm floating . . . sort of.
Foreign car thinking -- Does "Overlook" mean the same as "Lookout"?
Anything to get away from the rockslide back there.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
What's Mater's phone number?
I saw the Love Bug do something like this...
Now, if we don't look down, we won't fall.
I should have made that left turn in Albuquerque.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
"Recalculate!"
Chuck Ernest, Greensboro
 
Caption: "Recalculating!"
Ward Collis, Greensboro
 
"Honey, did you update the GPS?"
Donna Rawlins, Reidsville
 
"... so, maybe from now on, you'll remember to update the GPS!!??!!"
Al Birge
 
Uh oh,btr gt maaco!
Tim Tribbett
 
"These new hybrids really have pep".
Luther Jackson, Stoneville
 
Ok honey, you were right..Guess we should've taken a left turn back there..
Karl Wood, Greensboro
 
"Son, you have to stop watching that "BO-TIME" commercial!"
Brad Howes, Greensboro
 
RECALCULATING!!!!
Tom Netsel, Jamestown
 
"...recalculating...make a U-Turn"
Milton Wright, Greensboro
 
"Hey! Whoa! My name is not Thelma or Louise!"
"Where's the chute!"
"Just before we hit the rocks, jump out!"
"Weeee!!" "Oh s#*t!"
John Koppel, Greensboro
 
WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!! WHEEE WHEEE WHEEE WHEEEEEEEEE!!!
That's it, kids! I'm turning this car around and we're going home!
AARGGH! A BEE!
Don't hit that squirrel, she says... Poor thing's got a family too, she says...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
I told you we should have updated that darn GPS!!
Elaine Layton, Julian
                          
1 The sign said "Road Closed" --NOW do you believe me?
2 Famous last words "I don't believe in signs"
3 "Good News" we're flying -- "Bad News" I cancelled the insurance!
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro
 
"Wow, this is pretty chitty....chitty, bang, bang!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
(I'll totally understand if this one doesn't make it past the censorship phase, but I just couldn't help myself!)
 
Now I'll just tap the "SEND" button and enjoy the drive.
Emanuel C. Edwards, Greensboro
 
Recalculating!  Recalculating!
Su Welikonich
 
OMG!
Su Welikonich
 
No Mom I'm not texting & driving.
Su Welikonich
 
Don't worry, we got air bags !
Goodbye Louise, Goodbye Thelma !
This is the last time I'll ever get in a car with you driving !
Is that other car still following us now ?
Don't worry, I inflated the tires with helium !
Finally, I've done texting !
Did you file a flight plan ?
My GPS says there's suppose to be a bridge here !
Hope you got  a pilot's license too !
#@!*!, I thought it was in reverse !
I never could drive a stick sfift very well !
I did put the pedal to the metal like you said, just wrong foot !
Did you get the brakes fixed last week like I told you ?
Now we know why our spouses increase our life insurance last week, don't we !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
How much time is this short cut suppose to save us ?
I told you coming down the mountain would be faster !
Why do think they call me the Red Baron ?
Quick ! Put the radio back on that religious station !
This should be a good test for that new suspension system !
You still want to drive from the back seat ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
1. Recalculating!!
2. Pull the ripcord.
3. Weeeee!!!!!!
Dave Sheets, Greensboro
 
Look out below !
I thought you liked the feeling of fresh air on your face and wind blowing through your hair !
I think I can land on a dime, I really do !
I really hope this is just a dream !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
"chitty-chitty-bang-bang"
Rick Chandler, Greensboro
 
Self Portrait (courtesy Thelma & Louise)
Rick Chandler, Greensboro
 
You should see the idiot on this Youtube video!
Tim Tribbett
 
LOL not! LOL not!
Tim Tribbett
 
Stop nagging! I did NOT miss my turn!
Su Welikonich
 
"I must have missed that left turn at Albuquerque." (Bugs Bunny)
Rick Chandler
 
"I told you to stop and ask for directions!"
Laurie Igo, Greensboro
 
GPS:.......recalculating........
David Parrish,Greensboro
 
"Are we there yet?"
"...and then she said I get distracted talking on the phone but I didn`t see what she meant and oh did you see who she was with..."
"Now I remember what I was supposed to do yesterday; new brakes."
"You just wouldn`t ask for directions, would you?"
"Don`t worry. It`s only a 30-foot (or so) gap until the road begins again..."
John E. Truitt, Greensboro
 
Now this is what I call a scenic lookout!
...into the wild blue yonder....
Mike Perry
 
I tried to tell you that the cheaper GPS was not a good deal!
Sandra Carlson
 
Geez, Norm! You never ask for directions!
"On a clear day, you can see forever..."
Sam, is flying off a Cliff the Norm for Woody?
Edna, look what you made me do!
Mike Perry
 
"Rerouting. Make the next legal U turn. "
Sam Gordon, Jamestown
 
This is not what I had in mind Dad when I said to take the shortcut !!
Beth Oliver, Greensboro
 
"Recalculating! Recalculating!"
Dottie Byrd, Summerfield
 
Recalculating...make immediate u-turn...
Brooke Beckett, Oak Ridge
 
Aerodynamics? My a#@& !!!
Tom Beckett, Oak Ridge
 
gso n&r says texting is dangrus whle drvng lol
Mike Edwards, Greensboro
 
Space...the final frontier...
By the way, here's that $5.00 I owe you!
Jerry, I have to confess something... I cheated on the contest!
Mike Perry
 
The salesman said "You'll think you're riding on air!"
Marvin Cash, Eden
 
This is the last time I take the scenic route!
I told you-"Don't buy a GPS at a flea market!"
Mike Perry
 
BANZAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey look...you can see our house from here!
Well, it's all downhill from here.
Mike Perry, Eden
 
Oh, Toonces! Not again!
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
 
1.Can I call you back?
2.GPS:Turn left now.
3.My new phone has a GPS. I'm typing in your address now.
4.That's just great, now we're lost!
5.Pride always goeth before the fall!
6.GPS:If you miss the next left, you've gone to far.
7.Has anybody seen my sun glasses?
8.I don't think you should buy it. It's gonna need a lot of work.
9.Can you hear me now?
Ella McClellan, Greensboro
 
"Don't worry Honey, this car has great air suspension."
Judy Riedel, High Point
 
"No, no, no, no! I've told you 100 times, Granny, the peddle on the
right is the gas pedal, not the brake!"
Barbara Bolden, Eden
 
"This is a fine mess you've gotten us in this time, Grandpa!"
Jimmy Bolden, Eden
 
"But dear, you KNOW the announcer said," Don't try this on your own-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n............"
Ellenor Shepherd, Greensboro
 
"RECALCULATING ROUTE"
Di Spalding, Greensboro
 
"this isn't the shortcut I was talking about"
Helen Payton, Greensboro
 
"Dad, are we there yet?"
Kelly Parsons, Kernersville
 
"Here, you take the wheel!"
"Beam me up Scotty!"
"Wonder Twins power....activate!"
"Well I guess you were right, cars really can't fly."
"Hey stewardess, is there a movie on this flight?"
"TomTom says go straight."
"We are definitely going to need a new TomTom."
"I'm glad I have Nationwide."
"You did make the car insurance payment yesterday, right?"
Stephen Parsons, Kernersville
 
Recalculating....
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Quick, put in Willie Nelson's CD, "On the Road Again"!
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Do we have air brakes?
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
OK, maybe tailgating Thelma and Louise was a bad idea.
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Hey, I can see my house from here!
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Good thing I put helium in the air bags.
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Quick, check the Cliff Notes version of the owner's manual.
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Please never ask me to 'follow that coyote' again.
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Thelma, I thought you were kidding.
Glenda Layton, Carthage
 
Where is Superman when you need him?
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
I really hope we can make it to the airport.
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
"RECALCULATING!"
"Well, it looked cool when Thelma and Louise did it!"
Mike Kastanek, Greensboro
 
“And Away We Go!
Bob Fuller, Greensboro
 
1. "So much for a cheap GPS"
2.   " This reminds me of Thelma and Louise"
3     "Rut Row"
Mie Mastrolia, Belews Creek
                                                              
Well, guess we're making our guard rails in China now too! 
Danny Lynk
 
"Did you remember to turn off the curling iron?"
Brian McGinn, Greensboro
 
"Does this mean I didn't pass my driver's test?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
 
Who unplugged the GP..SSSSSSSS?
Todd Miller, Greensboro
 
RECALCULATING...
JC Ballard, Greensboro
 
"Alright, alright, I guess it's a little hard to drive stick shift."
Anderson Ragan, Greensboro
 
Every one fasten your seat belts.
Wow, I just washed this car yesterday.
"Bo Time"
I bet "Evil" never tried this.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
Hello, is this the Speedy Life Insurance company?!
Tim Tribbett
 
The caption should be "AFLAC!!!!!!"
Mike Lewis, Kernersville
 
"I THOUGHT YOU FIXED THE BRAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAKKKKKEEEEESSSSSSS..................
Mike Perry, Eden
 
NCOh crap! They told me this was a transformer car....
Megan Hooks, Greensboro
 
"I've got a funny feeling I'm gonna wind up parking up the wrong tree!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"C'mon, Jasper, why can't you just pay the toll like everybody else?"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"And they said it would never fly!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a mid-size sedan!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Now do you think we need new brakes ? "
"The salesman assured me we could make sharp turns . "
"This new car test driving route needs to be changed . "
"The ACME guardrail company will be getting a low score . "
"I thoght we agreed you would have the steering fixed . "
"Relax and enjoy the ride. It will only hurt when we hit the bottom . "
" They will finally find out the secret on how the designs in the fields are made . "
" OK, deploy the parachute , 007 . "
" I told you not to have the large lasagna, sleepyhead . "
" Honey, did you remember to lock the door to the house ? "
" Will you marry me NOW . "
" Are we there yet ? "
" Hey, this texting while driving is easy . "
' This is what happens when I don't get my night out with the boys . "
" Quick, dial 911 . "
" This test drive dummy job is getting more exciting . "
" Gravity is underrated . "
Lee F Richmond, Jamestown
 
"No, my dear, I didn't update the GPS maps like you told me to!"
Bill Wolf, Seagrove
 
Recalculating....
I knew we shouldn't have rented "Thelma and Louise" last night.
How's that "Hope" working for you now?
No, Jessica, I'm not up a pole - Do I have flight insurance?
The Blue Ridge looks different from this perspective....
WWWCD .... What Would Would Wiley Coyote Do?
This is the the Road Runner High Speed I had in mind.
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
" RECALCULATING"
WAYNE HOLLIFIELD, EDEN
 
"It was Bo-Time!!!"
Jean Davis ( Madison)
 
No problem, its a Sonic.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
OATUS aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!
Tim Tribbett(on a totally unrelated subject)
 
DOACL!
Tim Tribbett(driving off a cliff laughing)
 
No, I CAN'T hold!
Tim Tribbett
 
Hello, Dial-a-Prayer?
Tim Tribbett
 
"Dang, I think I left the gas on at home."
"I don't know why my parents don't want me to text."
"For the last time, honey, I don't need the defrost."
"And I just filled the tank up, too."
"No wonder, you left the GPS lying next to the beer."
"Well, I guess you shouldn't drive while eating fried chicken."
"Quick, hand me my dentures so they'll have some dental records."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
Time to update your GPS!  New maps can be purchased now at www......
Honey, what was the phone number of that brake repair shop?
Honey, did you recently drop the GPS unit?
I got a great deal on this GPS, only $10.99!
Tom Beckett, Oak Ridge
 
Turn right ahead...Recalculating...Turn left now!
Jack Beckett (age 9), Oak Ridge
 
Recalculating...make immediate u-turn...
Brooke Beckett, Oak Ridge
 
Aerodynamics?  My a#@& !!!
Tom Beckett, Oak Ridge
 
Don't worry, he said there's always a safety net for us poor folks !
Shut up, I'm trying to call 911 !
Guess this is why it's called lover's leap !
Are we doing this for love or money ?
How's this action for a mood swing ?
If I can't have you, nobody else will either !
You picked a fine time to call me Lucille !
Shoot, I thought this thing had a chute !
As you said, life is just a series of long farewells !
Hi, it's me, I've only got a few seconds !
The end is near !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
I knew were taking this Thelma and Louise thing to far.
Tony Hutchens Reidsville
                
1: "Can you hear me now?"
2: "Recalculating."
3: "Check out the view from here!"
4: "They don't build barricades like they used to."
Gordon McLamb, Greensboro
 
"#%&@*&% Tom Tom !!"
Pete Dey, Greensboro
 
Well Mr. Editor, how do you like your new staff?
Tim Tribbett
 
Oh what a feeling!
Tim Tribbett
 
Lst will &tstmt.....
Tim Tribbett
 
Clark, what do you mean you can only change in a phone booth?
... Can you here me nooooooooooooooooooooow.....
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
"Well, my road rage is all behind me now."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Attached are submissions to "The Joke's on You" from some of my strategic communications students at High Point University. We had fun trying our hand at being creative. (My submission is last on the list.)
Congratulations on your five-year anniversary for this feature.
All the best, Linda Gretton, Ph.D.
Assistant Professor of Strategic Communication
High Point University
 
 “If possible, make a legal U-turn”
Radford Hyde, High Point
 
 “I knew I should’ve paid attention to that Toyota recall notice…”
Sarah Lashar, Fairfield, CT
 
 “I blew my life savings betting on the Patriots to win the Super Bowl”
Carlie Stratton, Vienna, VA
 
 “…Recalculating!”
Kaitland Willingham, Elizabeth City
 
Torre F. McLain, Raleigh
“Recalculating…”
 
Josh Pastore, Stratton, VT
“Recalculating…”
 
 “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again… Yeah, I’m never gonna fly.”
Samantha Grande, Annapolis, MD
 
 “I knew I should have listened to the GPS”
Daniel Sabatano, Kensington, MD
 
 “But the GPS said turn left!”
Paige Rudzin, Westport, CT
 
Stephanie Lin, Wethersfield, CT
“Not again, Garmin”
 
Leanna Bigelow, Chesapeake, VA
“Cannonball!!!”
 
 “I hope they have Geico”
Taylor Elliott, Virgilina, VA
 
 “Oops, I forgot to drink the Red Bull!”
Kate Bayer, Baltimore, MD
 
 “I knew I shouldn’t have bought Firestone tires!”
Emilee Cook, Baltimore, MD
 
 “Awww, truck!”
Holly Bullock, Newark, NY
 
 “I really wish she clicked yes to avoiding unpaved roads.”
Natalia Gilio, Norfolk, MA
 
 “I believe I can fly…”
Morgan Lambert, Baltimore, MD
 
 “The Batmobile ain’t got nothing on me!”
Tyler McCoy, Newburgh, NY
 
 “I should have zigged when I zagged.”
Meghan Vitti, Darien, CT
 
 “Hey, look on the bright side. No more Republican debates.”
Linda Gretton, Greensboro
 
TOOOOOOOONNCESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My husband left me, I lost my job, I broke a heel, my latte was cold........what else could possibly go wrong?
Boy, when you said you wanted a compact come hell or high water, you don't mess around!
Yippee Yi-Aayyyyyyy, Yippee Yi-ooooohhhhhh, Compact Riders in the Skyyyyyyyyy!
Well Brenda, you said you wanted to get home in a hurry!
(with apologies to Frank) Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars.......
Straight ahead and second star to the right!
Wonder if they'll give me my money back?
Space, the final frontier.........
Help me Yahweh, Shiva. Buddha, Allah, Kardashian, Beeber...whoever!
Mike Perry
 
Spielberg never shouts "CUT" in time!!!!!
Mike Perry
 
Are you sure this is way to jump start a car ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Oops ! We forgot to connect the battery cables before jump starting the car !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
recalculating".
Marcus McAllister, Burlington
 
Fred, this is not what “to the cloud” means!
Linda Gretton, Greensboro
 
1. Joe, you just had to do the brake job yourself!
2. Wile E. Coyote was not the best driving instructor.
3. I told you we should have stopped for directions!
Voice of GPS:
4. As soon as possible, make a u-turn.
5. I'm sorry - after 400 yards, turn RIGHT.
Arista Shelton, Greensboro
 
1 - "Off we go... into the Wild Blue Yonder..."
2 - Is this your first solo flight??
3 - Thelma: Louise, fasten your seat belt!
4 - Did I do that??
5 - Thelma, I told you to slow down for that curve!!
6 - "Jesus take the wheel...."
7 - Now I know how Thelma and Louise felt...
8 - Now where is Thelma and Louise??
Robbin Smith, Greensboro
 
1. Are you sure the GPS said to go straight?
2. I heard there would be days like this, teaching Driver's Ed.
3. Happens every time I watch Dukes of Hazard!
4. Sorry...sometimes pilots forget which vehicle they're operating!
Kerin Plank, Greensboro
 
"Quick, put on the brake!!"
Grace Barber, Greensboro
 
"Recalculating..."
Earl, I told you not to let the crash-test dummy drive!
"Your final destination is straight ahead."
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro   
 
????????????
Tim Tribbett
 
"Next time I will ask for directions."
"Deploy the air bags ,   Now"
Our FATHER who art in heaven.....
Have you enjoyed the ride so far?????
"Fasten your seat belt"
"I should have brought my GPS."
Dalton L. Smith, Greensboro
 
Recalculating...
Robert Payne, Greensboro
 
1. “Recalculating………….”
2. “Stop complaining about my driving and enjoy the view.”
3. “Finally! Something interesting to post on Facebook.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
 
I told them car racin' wouldn't work in West Virginia!
Tim Tribbett
 
Dial 911! Dial 911! "Hello, what city and state please?".
Tim Tribbett 
 
1.) That's NOT what they meant by "hands free"
2.)????????
3.)??????? ?????.
Tim Tribbett
 
Dear valued customer, the brakes you recently purchased have been recalled. Sorry for any inconvenience.     Tim Tribbett
 
This is the last commericial I do for Chevy!
Oh look! I found a chichlet!
Space, the final frontier.......
Mike Perry
 
Don't worry, this car is equipped with air brakes !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
There are times when the low fuel warning means nothing, and this is one of them !
Did we just cross a state line ?
That guard rail really fails the crash test, doesn't it ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
911
I'll Text you back later.
Gotta hang up|
Dom Rankin, Greensboro
 
1 the new Ford Fly
2 Jesus at the wheel
3 hope there's a state farm down there
4 I said right at the fence not right through the fence
5 What gas mileage ?
Gie Schollaert oak ridge
 
Are we there yet?
Marcia Minsky, Communications Officer, The *OFFICIAL* Brewster Rockit Fan Club, Camarillo, CA
 
"Like all men, you don't follow directions."
"I told you to turn left."
Next time I am driving.
Dalton L. Smith, Greensboro
 
Hello... 911?
"Off we go into the wild blue yonder....."
"Is this your first solo flight,Thelma."?
"I wish I had my brakes relined"
" I knew my brake fluid was low..."
Dalton L. Smith, Greensboro
 
"I give up,what has 4 wheels and flies?"
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
"Your chatter distracted me."
"Fasten your seat belt."
"Did you send the insurance payment?"
Dalton L. Smith, Greensboro
 
l. You're killing me!
2. Did you remember to sign your organ donor card?!
3. Mom, what does  that sign with the cuves mean?
4. Is the life insurance paid up?
5. It's too cold for a dip!
6. Did we remember to turn the stove off?
7. I need to pull over, I can't see anything!
8. Whee, whee, whee!
9. You should be looking at the road signs and not my curves!
10. Curves Ahead!
11. Sink or Swim!
12. What have you been smoking?
13. It's too late, stop texting your mommy!
14. Don't tell your father!
Nancy Nelson
 
1) "Recalculating route. Turn right in 500 feet."
2) "Well, that's the last time I have mercy on a squirrel."
3) "Obviously, dear, I took a wrong turn."
4) "Hmm. I guess one's eyes do close when one sneezes."
5) "Damn, and to think I just stopped for a fill up with a carwash."
Nathan Gross, San Diego, CA
 
1.  You realize you just failed Driver's Ed!
2.  Did you use your directional signal?
3.  This car better have great shocks.
4.  Now you know why the car failed inspection.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
 
But Honey, the GPS says this is the right way.
Charles Skara, Oak Ridge
 
1.  Did you remember to buy milk?
2.  This turn was not on the GPS.
3.  I knew we should have bought a GPS.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
 
"This is the quickest was to "BO=TIME"
Dalton L. Smith, Greensboro
 
Hello Mom, I may make the news tonight!
Tim Tribbett
 
Oh no, my warranty just expired!
Tim Tribbett
 
Yeah, but check out that view!
Tim Tribbett

“This is the last time I buy a GPS device from the dollar store.”
“I told you not to take the ‘Wile  E. Coyote Exit’.”
“If we catch this headwind I think we can make the Maaco Body Shop in the next county.”
“Fasten your seat belt Thelma!”
Gray Amick, Greensboro
 
1. "See ya!"
2. "Where is Wile E. Coyote when you need him?"
3. "So we're re-making 'Eat My Dust?'"
4. "I said the brake, not the gas pedal!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
 
5. "...but the dealership said this is a SMART car!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
 
6. "Now we'll find out if this is Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
 
Son, this is NOT a Hot Wheels car!
NO! THE OTHER LEFT!
YEE-HAW! I saw them do this on "The Dukes of Hazzard!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
I’ll reach this CD on the floorboard if it’s the last thing I do.
“Recalculating route, turn around next intersection.”
“…Largest recall ever of automobile break parts …”
Idk what the big deal is about txtn while drivin_send
Monty Kivett, Greensboro
 
Relax, this is a shortcut.
Randy Sheppard, Greensboro
 
I TOLD you we need new brakes!
Becky underwood, Greensboro
 
Oops!
Joe Rodriguez, Greensboro
 
Don’t worry, I can text and drive at the same time.
You were right, honey, I should’ve had the brakes checked.
Look! There’s our house!
This short-cut will get us to the dare-devils convention on time.
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
"HEY!!!! What happen to my driveway??!!"
Zandra Solomon, Greensboro

 
Posted by Tim Rickard on Friday, February 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm
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February 2, 2012

THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 020312

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 020912
 
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
 
TOUCHDOWN! Excellent job, guys! Everyone got the right vibe I was looking for resulting in a LOT of great captions. I’m gonna have to throw a flag - for too much awesomeness on the field! Don’t take my word for it – see below.
 
Follow Brewster Rockit Tweets here at twitter.com/brewsterrockit
 

Also Follow Brewster Rockit here on Facebook

 
 
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON

WINNER
The real refs are tied up in the locker room! Now, let’s streak!
Monty Kivett, Greensboro
 
RUNNERS-UP
"Don't let me catch anyone using their iPhone to watch the commercials this year."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
"Let's call for a measurement -- on that blonde cheerleader."
Gordon McLamb, Greensboro
 
We thought YOU had the coin for the toss.
Becky Underwood, Greensboro
 
"Here is the church, here is the steeple. Open the doors and see all the people."
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"I kinda liked that end zone dance."
John Koppel, Greensboro
 
We did pizza last week...I want wings!
Kerin Plank, Greensboro
 
I'm not a real official, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
JR. WINNER
Alright, we all agree that we are going to Applebee's tonight.
The Dollar General, Triangle Lake
 
JR RUNNER-UPS
OK, I called you here because I can't find my car.
Angela, Triangle Lake
 
Reyna: That was not a penalty, that was out-of-bounds. Gosh, man, get your football right.
Bessemer
 
"Dang, did you see how hard that dude got smashed!"
Thomas Parsons 5th grade, Kernersville
 
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
I'm sorry, but you should have gone before we left the locker room.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
"Listen, if you whistle every time you see a pretty girl, we're never gonna get out of here!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
Are "jazz hands" considered excessive celebration?
Tim Tribbett
 
Not overtime again? I need to use the restroom!
Becky Underwood, Greensboro
 
"OK, tell me what the point spread is so I know how to rule on that last call."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro
 
“I can’t believe no one has a coin.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
 
Are you telling me nobody brought a whistle?
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
So, who are you guys pulling for?
Randy Loggins, Kernersville
 
Alright, next penalty; one potato, two potato...
Mike Perry
 
Nope. Wardrobe malfunctions are not reviewable.
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
-----------------------------------------
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Everyone got the Comicon reservations? "I do..You bet...Sho nuff..."
Don't look now, but when you can...Isn't that Tim Rickard in the Bikini under the Scoreboard?
"It sure is... OH MY GOD...i just threw up in my mouth...Unbelievable..."
Mike Perry
 
Did you hear this on ESPN? The Ravens, Bengals, Bears, Lions, Colts, Jaguars, Falcons, Panthers, Dolphins, Eagles, Broncos, Cardinals, Seahawks and Rams have all named Dr. Tribbett as their team physician.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
This week, Pam was caught in a giant spider web until Dr. Mel killed it with a giant magazine when Brewster lured it into his "Tuffet of Doom" while dressed as Little Miss Muffet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
What's a football?
Henry, Greensboro
It’s not a BB gun, that’s for sure …
 
Bueller... Bueller...
Jon Barsanti Jr., Livermore, CA
 
Pastis has got to be the worst, with those zeebas and crocs!
No, no, no- it's Fry and Lewis- twinkies, turtles with smelly shell issues, trees that know stuff!
You don-t know-it's Rickard with his Spleens, Killbots and his Family-guyish set ups.
Darby Conley is definitely the worst, with his terrible word-play and lack of any character development!
Yeah, sorta makes you long for the days of Waterson, Gary Lawson, Berkeley Breathed, and even Walt Kelly.
Mike Perry
 
"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse" has got to be the best
line of all time.
How about "Rosebud."
No, no, no.....it has to be " "Say 'hello' to my little friend!"
That's good; perhaps "They're here!"
Also "My precious."
"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!"
"Toga! Toga!"
Okay, okay....back to the game!
Mike Perry
 
BEST CAPTION TO THE WRONG CARTOON
The pig says: "Can I talk with you a minute? I'm with dateline nbc's to catch a predator..."
Sam Gordon, Jamestown
This would’ve been REALLY good with last week’s cartoon of the pig and wolf.
 
BEST ABBOTT AND COSTELLO ROUTINE AS CAPTION
What's the name of the guy on first?
No. Whats the name of the guy on second.
I don't care Who's on second!
Who's on first.
I Don't Know!
THIRD BASE!!!!!!
Mike Perry, Eden
 
BEST/WORST PUN
Jim Ertner – the prince of puns …
I enjoyed your déjà voodoo doll pun in Sunday’s paper. In fact, it inspired
me to come up with the following:
What is it called when you have an overwhelming sensation you’ve seen a
strange-looking horned animal before?
Déjà gnu.
What do you call the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before?
Déjà moo.
What is the feeling that you’ve smelled a certain skunk before?
Déjà phew.
Jim Ertner, Greensboro
 
BEST POEMS
It is tough as a football official.
You can not make a call prejudicial.
    Though a coach cannot bawl
    When you make a bad call,
Lots of sportscasters and the commish'll.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
I have a grievance to air
about these shirts we wear.
    Is anything duller
    than stripes without color?
We’re totally lacking in flair!
 
Ref: Just what do you recommend?
 
Each week let’s get an outfitter
to add a fine logo in glitter--
     The players won’t see,
    only fans with HD—
We’ll be a hit on Twitter!
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES
"I don't have a coin, let's flip a dollar."
"These zebra shirts are itchy."
Josh Parsons 6th grade
Kernersville
 
"Dang, did you see how hard that dude got smashed!"
Thomas Parsons 5th grade, Kernersville
-------------------
Submitted by Rebecca Murdock,
4/5 Combination Class, AIG Specialist, Randleman Elementary
 -----------------------
Submitted by Louise Monroe
Frazier
Chase K.: Hey, I like the other team better, guy. Your team got a penalty.
Louai: Hey, guy, what about the game?
Pretty'n'Pink: Hey, guys, you want to go get some dinner at Red Lobster?
J.T.: Okay, I heard the fuzz is coming, so remember to hide your faces.
Unique: OK, what about that game tonight? What do we do?
Jami'el: We have to make sure our team wins, but the other team is on to us...
Brandon P.: Clean up and ref-fresh yourselves.
 
Triangle Lake Montessori
T.M.: Should we penalize #55 for doing the jerk, putting on a ducky mumu costume, and doing three backflips?
T.H.: Why did he run to the wall? He broke all his bones!
Z-Man: Excessive celebration!
Cullen: #16 is wrestling a bear naked!
Chloe: Here's the plan. We call a foul on # 14, then go to my house to eat pie.
J.Kate: Are we really supposed to be zebras?
Angela: OK, I called you here because I can't find my car.
The Dollar General: Alright, we all agree that we are going to Applebee's tonight.
Joe: They're selling WHAT?!?!
Chay: Let's sneak out of here and go watch Spongebob.
Jade: Men, today we need to focus on how cute the cheerleaders are.
Zahabia: Play with a football, not with a foot that has a ball attached to it.
Little Kam: #31 kicked #21 in the face!
Kalani: Get me an autograph from Tom Brady.
Jordan: Who's up for doughnuts and coffee?
Nick T.: It was better in prison. 
William: Wait, guys , we're missing the Super Bowl!
Lyndon: At least my mom didn't bring a spoon to the Super Bowl!
Gretchen: Do any of you guys have an extra whistle?
Camryn T.: Hey, I did not say show me the rear end.
-----------
Bessemer
I.K.S.: Man, who is going to win?
I don't know, but the Broncos run like a mustang!
Natalie: Who do you think is going to win? Go, Giants. No! Patriots!
Linda: Oh, man, I need a few dozen donuts!
Kayla C.: They need to eat more Skittles.
Reyna: That was not a penalty, that was out-of-bounds. Gosh, man, get your football right.
Denisea: We need to get our faces off of these footballs.
-----------
THE REST
Hey guys, did you see the talent on the 25?
Mike Perry
 
The pig says: "Can I talk with you a minute? I'm with dateline nbc's to catch a predator..."
Sam Gordon, Jamestown
 
You're right - Brady DOES have a nice butt.
Well, my ophthalmologist is Dr. Lipschitz. Who's yours?
They wouldn't let me bring my guide dog on the field.
Okay, well, uh... candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern.
The next penalty I'm announcing to the crowd in a rap!
Okay, now "heads" is the side with the president's head on, isn't it?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
OK guys, pizza'll be here in 5 minutes.
Marcia Minsky, Communications Officer For The *OFFICIAL* Brewster Rockit Fan Club, Camarillo, CA
 
Okay, we all agree- the Sirloin House after the game!
I hope this doesn't go overtime- it's my anniversary!
Alright, next penalty; one potato, two potato...
Geez- Who had Mexican last night?
Is it just me, or do you guys think these stripes make me look thinner?
Mike Perry
 
Paper-rock-scissors on whether we "boo" back at the crowd.
Yodeling the National Anthem would sound better than that rendition.
In a pinch a handkerchief will do IF it's monogrammed.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
Number 12 has the prettiest eyes I've ever seen!
2.) It's been a whole 5 minutes.Time to call holding.
3.) When they yell it hurts my feelings!
Tim Tribbett
 
What's the name of the guy on first?
No. Whats the name of the guy on second.
I don't care Who's on second!
Who's on first.
I Don't Know!
THIRD BASE!!!!!!
Mike Perry, Eden
 
Rock-paper-scissors on whether we "boo" back at the crowd.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
"Now, be honest. Do these stripes make me look fat?"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Here is the church, here is the steeple. Open the doors and see all the people."
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Anybody see that play? 'Cause I was watching the cheerleaders."
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Do you see anything in my eye? Everybody keeps hollering, 'You're blind, Ref!'"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Did you guys see last night's episode of CSI? I just LOVE that show!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"What I want to know is....why are YOU the only one who gets to wear a white hat?"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Okay....which one of you guys cut the cheese!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Don't look now, but people are watching us!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Yes Earl, stripes do make you look thinner."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
"I just want to say....I love you guys!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Can we hurry this thing up a little? I have an early Pilates class tomorrow!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
I Know I'm White , but I Got Lots of Rhythm and I Know All the Words to "Backfield in Motion".
T.Staunton, Greensboro
 
Are "Jazz hands" an excessive celebration foul?
2.) Sorry, I was daydreaming again.
Tim Tribbett
 
"Okay....which one of you guys cut the cheese?"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
Which team owner paid you the most?
Coach K didn't pay me enough when Duke played Florida State!
Don't you feel sorry for Peyton Manning? He won't get his 28 million dollar bonus!
I know you'll never consider my my quotes! Go Heels!
Herman Hunter, Sr, High Point
 
Did you see that new Cheerleader? She did not have on a wedding ring. I think the single guy should work that side of the field!
Herman Hunter, Sr, High Point
 
So, we’re all in agreement on this one, right? It has to be the ten bean fish taco soup we had for lunch.
Tim Nelson, Summerfield 
 
"Huddle up, Guys, my fly's open!"
Betsy Rule, Greensboro
 
OK guys it's a plan....we're all going to Disney World after the big game!!
Beth Oliver, Greensboro
 
"Did you catch Opera yesterday? No, but did you see Glee last night? Can't wait for the return of The Walking Dead.
 Jerry Kidd, Greensboro
 
Say! Aren't you Enrico Palazzo?
Ok...once...twice...dice...SHOOT!!! Rock beats scissors. Steve's call stands.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
"Man... is it Bo time yet? I'm starving!"
M.G.
 
Hey, keep your eyes off the cheerleaders and get in the game man, OK ?
Get in the game, or instant replay is going to replace us all !
Decisions, decisions, decisions !
All right, to whom does this two headed coin belong ?
Gentlemen, time to place your bets !
Hey man, when's the last time you had an eye exam ?
Look busy, the camera is on us now !
Who you think got's the hottest cheerleaders ?
What a great time to have something in your eye !
This crowd noise is giving me a headache !
We get paid more if it goes into overtime !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
I say it's time for the Clydesdale team to take the field.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
1) Hi, I'm Pete Rose. We've got to make sure the Giants win. I have $50,000 on it.
2) These stripes really do make us look thinner.
3) Has anyone seen my glasses?
4) So, who are you guys pulling for?
5) My nose is running. Can I borrow one of y'all's flags.
6) Do any of you think when Belichick wears his hood that he looks like Emperor Palpatine?
7) Has anyone seen my contacts?
Randy Loggins, Kernersville
 
Fellows its bo time
No name given
 
Then they took off "All My Children". . .
Glenda Layton, Carthage
 
I always do my undies in Lux.
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
Wow! Did you see that blonde cheerleader?
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
Really !!! That's what she said about you?
Glenn Andrews, Greensboro
 
Everyone got the Comicon reservations? "I do..You bet...Sho nuff..."
Don't look now, but when you can...Isn't that Tim Rickard in the Bikini under the Scoreboard?
"It sure is... OH MY GOD...i just threw up in my mouth...Unbelievable..."
Mike Perry
 
I think the refs are saying "Let's do see no evil, hear no evil, and
READ MY LIPS."
Judy Morton, Greensboro
 
"do you think the new cheerleader likes me?"
Or "tastes great or less filing, we got to pick one"
Or "come on, the wedding's next week, do you want the steak, chicken or fish?"
Gregg Drees of Greensboro
 
"I need a minute to catch my breath after running that far.."
Gregg Drees, Greensboro
 
"Quit throwing flags - we have reservations at the steak house in 30 minutes".
Luther Jackson, Stoneville
 
So where are we going for dinner after the game? Mexican or Italian?
Robert Brescka, Greensboro
 
$#%! Why didn't one of you guys tell me my fly was open!
Curtis Collins, Jamestown
 
"Well, The bets have doubled. What can we call now?"
Lynn Beeson, Greensboro
 
Since we really goofed up that last call, let's give this one to the other team.
My wife said that I better help her team win! So, can you guys help me out?
Mandy Campbell, Reidsville
 
"So, where do you guys want to go eat after the game?"
 Di Kirkman, Winston-Salem
 
“You're wrong, it's rock crushes scissors and scissors cut string!"
Keep up the jokes, Larry Roddy, Asheboro
 
"Can you guys keep those hankies in your pocket, now who's got what?"
Paul Brown, Greensboro, North Carolina
Officiated football for 45 years - retired in 1997. 
 
You sure? You? And You? Okay, that's 1 Big Mac, 2 McRibs and 1 McNuggetts!
Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
I gave them your numbers just in case my doesnt work. Anyone hear from Lens Crafters yet?
Mike Perry, Eden
 
"Dear Lord, please help us to be keen of sight and thick of skin!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
I had to call interference. He pantsed him!
Tim Tribbett
 
What questionable call? I just want to go see a replay of that new Victoria's Secret commercial.
What are the odds of Madonna having a wardrobe malfunction during the halftime show?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Section 101, Row 7, Seat 1, have you seen the eyes on that lady?
Timothy Bryant
 
I'm not a real official, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express.
Everybody got their anti-coach earplugs in?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
I don't know you think, but I am going to order a ham and cheese on rye.
Henry Kritzer
 
"Remind me now, was it boxers or briefs?"
"Be honest, do these stripes make us look fat?"
Sharon Shepard, Jamestown
 
"Open your eyes; you are missing a good game!"
"Let's move this game along, we tee off in 2hrs!"
"These shirts really do make us look taller"
"Don't tell the Coach, but I have his red flag!"
 Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro
 
"I kinda liked that end zone dance."
"But he didn't mean to step on his arm."
"Hey, he's supposed to hit him hard."
"Think it over. What're we having for breakfast tomorrow."
"Let's move this thing along. Hot half-time show coming up."
John Koppel, Greensboro
 
....Let's keep this game moving.  It's getting dark and I'm scared of the dark.
jne in gso
 
"In, out, I don't care; I'm late for my 2cd job at Foot Locker."
"My in-laws are in town; are any of you free to officiate?
"Tell my wife that's not an illegal use of hands."
 Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
 
Should we throw a flag on Tebow for excessive celebration, he is including another person, God.
Chuck Mardis, Mcleansville
 
I'm sorry, but you should have gone before we left the locker room.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
You won't believe what my wife said to me before the game.
Applebee's or Chili's tonight?
You really look good in a uniform!
I'm just glad I'm not the guy wearing the white hat!
Knock knock? Who's there?
Heads I go under the hood, tails you do!
So where do you guys Peyton Manning will play next year?
Steve Nance, Gibsonville
 
"Listen, if you whistle every time you see a pretty girl, we're never gonna get out of here!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
1.See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil!
2.You have got to be kidding! Who are you, Peppermint Patty?
3.My wife is visiting her mother! Can one of you please tell me, does this
shirt go in with the lights or darks?
Ella McClellan greensboro
 
"I lost a contact lense...; now who saw what?"
"The coin landed on its edge. Now what?"
"Does anyone else feel like these outfits are tight?"
"Let`s not do Asian or Mexican tonight; I want something different."
"OK, time to have an Instant Replay check, so we can get a score on the ACC b-ball game."
John E. Truitt, Greensboro
 
"Okay, let's go over this one more time. 'You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out....'"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"I told you guys to be careful with that superglue! We'll get Dr. Mel to take a look at you at half-time."
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"I don't care if the KWC Panthers ARE Tim's and God's favorite team....I call 'em like I see 'em!
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Hey guys, quite throwing the yellow flag and hurry this game along, I
told my wife I would meet her at Outback at 6:00 for dinner."
Barbara Bolden, Eden
 
"OMG You're wearing a white hat at the winter game Bob....fashion faux pas...don't you tweet?"
Crystal Allen, Greensboro
 
"I think the Back Judge knows we're really escaped convicts."
Phil Valla, Greensboro
 
"Tebow said what??"
Andrea, Greensboro
 
"So then I said....honestly honey that was a long time ago and she doesn't mean a thing to me now."
Jim McCall, Greensboro
 
"Less Filling.....Tastes Great!"
"The guy at Macy's told me it was an original."
Kelly Parsons
Kernersville
 
"Guys how many times do I have to say, you need to wear the black shirt with the white stripes and not the white shirt with the black stripes."
"Who cut the cheese?"
"Hey, your fly is open."
"Hey, pull my finger."
"Hey, I thought you had the coin."
"Okay now, what is offsides again?"
"Sorry I was late, I was tailgating."
"Hey my nose is running, can I borrow your flag?"
"What's the penalty for a wardrobe malfunction?
"Geez, I hope Madonna doesn't have a wardrobe malfunction."
"Whose turn is it to get the nachos?"
"Whose up for a beer run?"
"I hate to be that ref that made that bad call."
Stephen Parsons, Kernersville
 
This week, Pam was caught in a giant spider web until Dr. Mel killed it with a giant magazine when Brewster lured it into his "Tuffet of Doom" while dressed as Little Miss Muffet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
"I can not believe Scotty won American Idol!"
Larry Hobbs, Greensboro
 
Yes, you have to COVER your eyes. Now, you, put your hands over your ears.
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
Look, I'm not trying to point fingers here, but I am missing my spare hat and retainer!
Davin Christensen
 
Yes, you have to COVER your eyes. Now, you, put your hands over your ears.
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
Ok, who can remember how to calculate the area of an isosceles triangle?
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
Look, I'm not trying to point fingers here, but I am missing my spare hat and retainer!
Davin Christensen
 
Yes, you have to COVER your eyes. Now, you, put your hands over your ears.
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
Wait, did you just say he SWALLOWED his whistle?!
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
Ok, who can remember how to calculate the area of an isosceles triangle?
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
Look, I'm not trying to point fingers here, but I am missing my spare hat and retainer!
Davin Christensen
 
Yes, you have to COVER your eyes. Now, you, put your hands over your ears.
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
Let’s try to finish this game by 7pm so “60 Minutes” can start on time for a change.
Tom Netsel, Jamestown
 
1. Did anyone bring a coin?
2. That's the worst rendition of the National Anthem I've ever heard.
3. Forget the cheerleaders, Joe, keep your eye on the game.
4. Don't give me that speak no evil, see no evil stuff. Was the defense offsides or weren't they?
5. We've got to do something about Instant Replay; it's making us look stupid.
6. Remember the good old days when we made the calls,   not some guy in a booth?
Dave Sheets, Greensboro
 
"Ok, now we've agreed we're ordering a pizza after the game.  Now what do we want on it?"
Anne Wagner, Greensboro
 
"Did you see that girl in section 4, row 3, seat 27!!!"
Gordon McLamb, Greensboro
 
"Let's call for a measurement -- on that blonde cheerleader."
Gordon McLamb, Greensboro
 
"I agree. We're on national TV! Glasses only make us look old!"
Kevin Little
 
Where exactly does the relativity/quantum mechanics dichotomy lie?
Mike Perry
 
Yeah haha I got money on this game too
I did the last game!
Well I guess I will do it
So who’s turn is it to say the wrong plays
Cause I have money on this game
Megan Hooks, Greensboro
 
1) I get nervous reffing Lions' games, but not the Tigers. Does that seem natural?
2) For the last time Ed, the stripes do not make you look fat.
3) If the fans ever find out we get kickbacks from the advertisers....
4) No, really. The rest of the world calls soccer football -- strange.
5) That expression 'the whole nine yards' doesn't make any sense to me either.
6) Cheer up, it could be worse. We could be lawyers or politicians.
7) Ok, if we don't get a raise, the Browns go undefeated next year.
8) Look, I abhor violence too, but sometimes it can't be avoided.
Eric Ford, Greensboro
 
So then my wife says, ³You can stop looking. They¹re right on top of your head.²
Eric Ford, Greensboro
 
"Okay...that's two Grande Mocha Lattes, one Caramel Macchiato and an Iced Skinny Mocha. Who wants cake pops?
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Chuck, I hope you remembered to leave the car running like I told you!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Now, let me ge this straight.You put the lime in the coconut and stir it all up?......"
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
"Coin!,Coin!,which one of you guys has the Coin-Flip Coin?"
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
When you're on a date with a hot cheerleader, a forward pass could lead to excessive celebration.
gmclamb
 
"OK - 110 million viewers, passionate fans, instant replay of each  decision -
no pressure. Keep focused. Who's got the ring...I mean the coin?"
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
"No texting the cheerleaders on your i-Phones this year."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
"Don't let me catch anyone using their i-Phone to watch the commercials this year."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
"Remember - the only tweeting this year should be with your whistles."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
WE had Chinese last night, I am ready for some good Carolina Bar-B-Que.
I don't care who they pick I am voting for Obama.
Lets flag him, he called us a bunch of donkey's with stripes.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
Okay, for halftime, Steve wants a hot dog, Bob wants a piece of pizza, and Joe wants nachos.
Man, don't those linemen know how to use deodorant?
When I'm on the Jumbotron, my unibrow looks HUGE!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
"So Frank do you want a Frankfurter?"
Camille Ford, Greensboro
 
"Wait, what just happened, i was sorting out dinner with the wife?"
Camille Ford, Greensboro
 
1. Have much UNC hush money did ya get?
2. What's a football?
Henry, Greensboro
 
There are thousands of people looking. Why can't you be "Hear no evil"?
 Keith P. McClure - Kernersville
 
I spy with my little eye........
mike perry
 
Did you hear about the blond who caught her finger in a mouse trap, she  called a locksmith.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
I'm just saying...thinner stripes will make us look leaner and faster
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
 
So Steve, who's the quarterback on your fantasy team?
Ever get the feeling like you're being watched?
I felt that little rise in the end zone too. Maybe that's where Jimmy Hoffa's buried.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
The rule book does not prevent us from tweeting!
I'm just saying...thinner stripes will make us look leaner and faster
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro,
 
I thought you were bringing the whistles and flags!
Tim Tribbett
 
"We'll take control of the game early by throwing a flag on the coin toss."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
1. "I'm just saying it's a little weird that we're all matching AGAIN."
2. For the last time, Riley, tackles aren't unnecessary roughness.
Anderson Ragan, Greensboro
 
"Where are we going for supper."?
"Who votes for roughing the passer."?
Dalton L. Smith, Greensboro
 
Six more weeks of Republican debates? Noooooooo!!!
Jim Cavanaugh, Portland, OR
 
Did you see that Dallas Cheerleader. Hub, Hub 
Ski, Stokesdale
 
Pastis has got to be the worst, with those zeebas and crocs!
No, no, no- it's Fry and Lewis- twinkies, turtles with smelly shell issues, trees that know stuff!
You don-t know-it's Rickard with his Spleens, Killbots and his Family-guyish set ups.
Darby Conley is definitely the worst, with his terrible word-play and lack of any character development!
Yeah, sorta makes you long for the days of Waterson, Gary Lawson, Berkeley Breathed, and even Walt Kelly.
Mike Perry
 
"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse" has got to be the best
line of all time.
How about "Rosebud."
No, no, no.....it has to be " "Say 'hello' to my little friend!"
That's good; perhaps "They're here!"
Also "My precious."
"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!"
"Toga! Toga!"
Okay, okay....back to the game!
Mike Perry
 
Did you hear this on ESPN? The Ravens, Bengals, Bears, Lions, Colts, Jaguars, Falcons, Panthers, Dolphins, Eagles, Broncos, Cardinals, Seahawks and Rams have all named Dr. Tribbett as their team physician.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
1. Come on...I wanna announce the foul this time!
2. Yeah, J. Lo looked hot on American Idol last night!
3. We did pizza last week...I want wings!
4. Do these ref pants make my butt look big?
5. Wearing that white hat does not make you the boss!
6. Just love the vertical stripes. They're so slenderizing!
7. Sorry, missed the play. Distracted by the cheerleaders again.
8. It hurts my feelings when the coaches yell at me, too!
Kerin Plank, Greensboro
 
No, it's not some sort of "cowboy thing." Only the referee gets a white hat, all the other officials get black hats.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
What is it called when you have an overwhelming sensation you’ve seen a
strange-looking horned animal before?
Déjà gnu.
What do you call the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before?
Déjà moo.
What is the feeling that you’ve smelled a certain skunk before?
Déjà phew.
Jim Ertner, Greensboro
 
Why does it always have to be Heads or Tails?
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
 
The rule book does not prevent us from tweeting!
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
 
I'm just saying...thinner stripes will make us look leaner and faster
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
 
Did you see Jake's dance for the last flag he threw?
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
 
Why does it always have to be Heads or Tails?
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
 
The rule book does not prevent us from tweeting!
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
 
I'm just saying...thinner stripes will make us look leaner and faster
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
 
Lets have a long review on that last play, its "Bo Time"
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
That's it. I'm unfriending you.
Bueller... Bueller...
Nuts... Commercial break is over 
So, one hot pot, one app, one salad, and I have desseet.
Jon Barsanti Jr., Livermore, CA
 
I triple-dog dare you to do the Macarena on national TV!
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
 
"Oh,man.That Jumbo-Tron is really making us look bad."
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
"I couldn't name 3 Madonna songs, but I do know she's easy on the eyes."
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
When they weigh 30o pound how can part of them NOT be offsides?
Tim Tribbett
 
If we wann get outta here alive we better pick up that flag!
Tim Tribbett
 
Wait,which side is heads again?
Tim Tribbett
 
I thought it was my turn to wear the white hat.
Are you telling me nobody brought a whistle?
Are these white shirts with black stripes or black shirts with white stripes?
Does anybody remember where we parked?
It’s your call Ed. Where do we eat after the game?
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
Okay - Twilight Zone aside - what does the coin standing on its edge mean?
I swear I heard him say heads - check the replay again
Is the coin toss reviewable?
Okay - 3 Pepperoni and One Veggie for half time.
Nope. Wardrobe malfunctions are not reviewable.
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
Heads you get the white hat, tails he gets it.
Sam Penry
 
1. “I can’t believe no one has a coin.”
2. “I’m serious! I think the strong safety is following me.”
3. “You look familiar. Didn’t you do time in Leavenworth?”
4. “I sssswallowed my whissssstle.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
 
No, we are not going to give the Asian-American ref a yellow hat or the Native American ref a red one.?
It doesn't help for you guys to keep your hands up there when my zipper's broke down here.?
Dave Gitlin; McLeansville
 
"C'mon man! You really don't expect me to believe you  saved 15% on car insurance?
Mike Esque, Greensboro
 
Can we flag Steven Tyler for that anthem!
Tim Tribbett
 
"You can't penalize Tom Brady for being too pretty!!"
"I'm not wearing a cup."
"It's a penalty flag, not a handkerchief!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
"I can never remember -- are we white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?"
"That's right, Joe -- zip it up!"
"Yes, I flagged you for indecent exposure!"
David Holley, Greensboro
 
"Who gets to keep the coin after the toss."?
"Eeny, meeny, miny, mo......."
"Lets vote. Was his toe out of bounds."?
Dalton L. Smith, Greensboro
 
"If you think the blond one is prettier than the brunette, then I have to challenge."
"Do you think the Jumbotron makes me look fat?"
"It shows clearly that it was Ralph, here, who left the toilet seat down at the half."
"I've got 51 in a hold but he seems like such a nice kid."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
1.) Does the rulebook say anything about ruining the national anthem?
2.) He didn't say "Simon says" hike!
3.)Can they catch passes with their facemasks?
4.) Are "jazz hands" considered excessive celebration?
Tim Tribbett
 
1 speak no evil hear no evil and you'll be see no evil...ok?
2 remember guys...it's just another game
3 I thought I made myself clear... white hats today !!
4. what time does it start?
5 just remember... they are players because they were not good enough to be referees
6 I don't care ... If they don't show 15 min before kick off we're out off here
Gie Schollaert, Oak Ridge
 
Are they allowed to even touch Tom Brady?
Tim Tribbett
 
PLEASE turn off your mike when you go to the restroom!
Tim Tribbett
 
"Boy my stomach hurts. I think I overdid the POI in Hawaii last week."
"OK, tell me what the point spread is so I know how to rule on that last call."
"Do you think these vertical stripes make me look fat or not."
"Did you see how tight the quarterbacks pants are?"
"I got your illegal contact right here."
Ya know, I'm startin' to think running up and down this field trying to make these rich guys play by the rules is just not worth it."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro
 
Okay, whadda we make up this time?
OOOOh, that Erica is so mean.
Evil she is.
I heard that!
And that smile, makes me want to spit!
 
Look, OSU has to score again, or they won't cover the spread!
geez larry, are you lactose intolerant?
...we take one down and pass it around...
Mike Perry, Eden
 
One potato, two potatoes, three potatoes
Mike Perry, Eden
 
Coin? I didn't bring the coin, I thought were were going to bring the coin
Sam Gordon, Jamestown
 
How many yards do we penalize for a wedgie?
Emily Gordon, Jamestown
 
We thought YOU had the coin for the toss.
Not overtime again? I need to use the restroom!
Becky Underwood, Greensboro
 
The real refs are tied up in the locker room! Now, let’s streak!
Do these pants make my butt look big?
Has anyone seen my whistle?
Monty Kivett, Greensboro
 
I think these stripes make us look thinner.
Tim Tribbett
 
Is a spitball legal in football?
Tim Tribbett
 
I'm late, I'm late for a very important date!
Who's turn to order the pizza?!
No more penalities, just let them duke it out!
Did you see that?!
How rude!
I have a  party to attend, so no overtime!
Nobodie's perfect!
My girlfriend said to go to Jared's if I'm going to be late again!
Nancy Nelson 
 
“My wife penalized me last night for illegal use of hands.”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
“Should we flag Trader Joe's for encroachment?”
“OK, it’s settled, a 15-yard penalty for texting while Tebowing.”
“Both coaches have already ‘challenged’ Steven Tyler’s rendition of the National Anthem.”
“I told the dry cleaners not to starch this shirt.”
 “I hope neither team scores, with all this starch I can’t give the TD signal.”
“According to the chain gang it’s 5th down.”
“Make sure everyone on the chain gang gets a pre-game tetanus shot.”
“Remember this game is in HD so let’s apply our white strips.”
“That line to the men’s room is unbelievable, how much longer to the next TV time out?”
Gray Amick, Greensboro
 
1 my money is on the patriots what about you all ?
2 I wish I could just watch the commercials
3. I can't believe we still have to wear these stupid uniforms
4. What recession ?
Gie Schollaert, Oak Ridge

 

 
Posted by Tim Rickard on Thursday, February 2, 2012 at 5:06 pm

January 26, 2012

THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 012712

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 020212
 
In honor of that big game coming up in a little over a week: Write a caption for this photo. Just what DO refs talk about in their little huddles anyway?
 
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
 
The judges picked twice as many captions this week as usual. That means several captions that didn’t make the paper are included on the blog. Check ‘em out below under "OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS."
Also, The Jr. category is really growing, too.
 
Follow Brewster Rockit Tweets here at twitter.com/brewsterrockit
 

Also Follow Brewster Rockit here on Facebook

 
 
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON

 
WINNER
"Red said to tell you she's tired and not up to the whole 'what big eyes you have' routine tonight."
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
RUNNERS-UP
Some of us think you might be having trouble keeping your story straight.
Ella McClellan, Greensboro
 
"Uh hi, I'm you're new neighbor. I just moved into the straw house across the street."
Paul D'Amora New Milford, Connecticut
 
"Here's the deal ,no more huffing and puffing,and I dont tell grandma that youve been wearing her clothes"
Sam Gordon, Jamestown
 
"I just wanted to see if it were true: a wolf in sleep clothing."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
“I’ll oink, then I’ll oink…”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
I AM SUING YOUR HUSBAND FOR HARASSMENT.
Henry Kritzer
 
Your husband huffed and he puffed – anyway, I’m sleeping on your couch.
Monty Kivett, Greensboro
 
JR. WINNER
"Ooooh! Do you have that outfit in pig?"
Caroline Bohlen, Randleman Elem.
 
JR RUNNER-UPS
This is awkward.
Li'l Mama, Frazier
 
Now it's my turn!
Bryce, Triangle Lake
 
“E-I-E-I-O, with an oink oink here, and an oink oink there …”
Caroling near Old McDonald’s Farm
Ella-Rose Kivett, pre-school, Summerfield
 
"Hey buddy, can I stay with you?...My house got blown over."
Joshua Parsons (6th grade), Kernersville
 
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
"Listen, you give me half of what's in Red's basket and I promise not to squeal. Deal?"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
No more huffing and puffing and those photos won't show up on facebook.
Tim Tribbett
 
I just wanted to warn you about a wolf in the area Mrs. Hood.
Tim Tribbett
 
I'm the attorney representing three very angry little pigs.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
I’ll make a deal: You don’t blow my house down, I don’t tell your friends about your choice of sleepwear.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
I thought that you wore sheep's clothing, not sleep's clothing.
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
I think you're in the wrong fairy tale. I don't know anyone named Red.
Mike Perry
 
Some one blew my house down, could you put me up for the night?
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
Well, my brother is missing, and I was wondering...uh, do I smell bacon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
-----------------------------------------
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Just because I don't have cool chin hairs like Tim Ricard, doesn't mean you can blow my house down!
Anderson Ragan, Greensboro
 
"Hi.  I'm from the JOU Committee and I just wanted to know if there was anything funny going on here."  
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Hey, you aren't Pigita.  This isn't Steve Pastis' world is it?
Mike Perry
 
Granny, I think you have taken this whole "Team Jacob" thing a little too far!
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
"For gosh sakes, grandma, please let me buy you a No-No."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
Our attorney will be calling you - Elmer P Fudd is his name.
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
How can I make bricks without straw ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
I think I'd rather see Torquemada than this!
This has got to have something to do with the 26 alternate dimensions associated with string theory!
Mike Perry
 
It was funny at first, but please stop singing Brick House.
Anderson Ragan, Greensboro
 
BEST/WORST PUN
"I just wanted to see if it were true: a wolf in sleep clothing."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
BEST POEMS
Said the pig, “I should not make a peep,
But that wolf wears a nightcap to sleep.
    This is not a complaint.
    You could say that it’s quaint
And it beats dressing up like a sheep.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
  
SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES
"oops, this makes me dinner, right?"
Whit Jones age 10, Jamestown
 
“E-I-E-I-O, with an oink oink here, and an oink oink there …”
Caroling near Old McDonald’s Farm
Ella-Rose Kivett, pre-school, Summerfield
 
"Hey buddy, can I stay with you?...My house got blown over."
Joshua Parsons (6th grade), Kernersville
 
"Can I borrower a cup of sugar?"
Thomas Parsons (5th grade), Kernersville
 
Do you know what your boy did to my brothers’ houses?!
Patrick Ivey, 11 years old, Jamestown
-------------------
Submitted by Rebecca Murdock, 4/5 Combination Class, AIG Specialist, Randleman Elementary
All the student submissions are from Grade 5
Randleman Elementary School, Randleman NC
"Can I stay with you tonight? Someone blew down my house."
Aubrie Deming
 
"Before you eat me, can I borrow some sugar?"
Kelsey Grigg
 
"Sorry to bother you, but before we start, can I borrow some BRICKS to build my HOUSE?"
Micah Wagner
 
"Ooooh! Do you have that outfit in pig?"
Caroline Bohlen
 
"Grandma, is that you?"
Wolf: "I'm craving bacon!!"
Kevin Saefong
 
"Sorry Grandma, I thought I was at the Wolf's house."
Madelyn Grettler
 
Wolf: "What are you looking at pig?
Pig: "Eh, nothing."
Vivian Torres 
 
"Can I borrow a cup of bacon?"
Hannah Hook
 
"Wow Gramma, Is that really you?"
Makenzie Duvall
 
Pig: "Isn't it your part to knock on the door?"
Wolf: "Yeah, then why are you taking my part?"
Peter Zheng
-----------------------
Submitted by Louise Monroe
Frazier
5th
Matt C.: Do we really have to go through this again?
Simone: It's payback time. Really, give me my money to repair my house.
Ayanna: Uhhhhh, what was my line again?
Miranda: Hey, what am I doing in this story? I'm supposed to be in "The Three Little Pigs," not "Little Red Riding Hood," Uh, oh, Bad Wolf, hunh? Gulp.
Pete: Did you blow down my friend's grandma's house or are those Red Riding Hood's old clothes?
Li'l Mama: This is awkward.
4th
Unique: I huff and I puff and.....sorry, squeak, squeak.
Brandon P. : No barbecue sauce here.
Mahogany D.: Did you eat Little Red Riding Hood's grandma again, or are you wearing pajamas?
Chase K.: D,d,d,d,d don't eat meeeeeee!
J.T.: Um...Grandma, what a big nose you have.
Pretty'n'Pink: Let me in or...oh,hey, you're supposed to be with us tonight.
Jami'el: Let me in! Those birds are chasing me!
 
Triangle Lake Montessori
Chloe: What mighty big teeth, nose, and ears you have.
Madison: Why do authors and illustrators keep putting us in the same stories?
Angela: Are you going to eat me?
Tom: Hey, Red, someone wants you.
Kalani: Oh, Granny, what big teeth you have.
Joe: Got any bacon?
Gretchen: Would you like to come to dinner at our house?
Jordan: Hey, Grandpa, where's your cane?
Earnest: It looks like you've packed on a few pounds.
J. Kate: Cough her up, Wolfy.
Jade: Want to have a picnic? I have ham sandwiches.
Chay: How tasty was Granny?
Lyndon: Don't make me huff, man.
William: Great, we're reliving history.
Nick T.: I'll huff and I'll....wait a minute. Aren't you supposed to say that?
Bryce: Now it's my turn!
K.A.B.: Ahh, don't eat me. Can't you eat me on a work day instead?
Zahabia: Ma'am, this is not the ladies' bathroom; this is the men's bathroom.
T.M.: Are you a man in a weird pink nightgown?
Cullen: You didn't tell me you were an elf.
-----------
THE REST
"You're not invited to my house warming party, so don't hold your breath!"
Terry Christensen,  Greensboro
 
Aaaawkward!
Tim Tribbett
 
Red was right - you DO have big teeth.
Could I borrow you tomorrow? My leaf blower's broken.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
"Hey, dude, can I bunk with you tonight? I lost my pad at a huffing and puffing gig."
Barbara Bolden, Eden
 
"I'm homeless and it's all your husband's fault."
Harvey Herman, Greensboro
 
"I just excaped from Lexington and I need asylum".
Luther Jackson, Stoneville
 
"I won't huff nor puff, but you will be receing an eviction notice."
"You will be hearing from my insurance company."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
 
I got locked out.  I need you to blow down my door.
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
My brothers are missing.  .  .  .Say, do I smell pork chops cooking?
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
I got locked out. I need you to blow down my door.
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
Please tell me you're sleep walking.
Oops, wrong house!
This is the last straw, stop blowing my house down.
Bite me!
Steve Nance, Gibsonville
 
For this week's cartoon, my caption is: "I guess Grandma let you in."
Chuck Bolton, Greensboro
 
Oh I see, a few bricks and you just give up!
Tim Tribbett
 
I AM SUING YOUR HUSBAND FOR HARASSMENT.
Henry Kritzer
 
“Mrs Wolf, you blow hard son is shaking our shingles again and we can’t sleep”
JB
 
“I’ll oink, then I’ll oink…”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
"May I use your phone?  My house just blew down. "
Mary E. Coyle, Burlington
 
1.) Geez, I wish I had a camera.
2.) No more huffing and puffing and those photos won't show up on facebook.
3.) Quiter!
Tim Tribbett
 
Let's not call it blackmail.
Tim Tribbett
 
I'm selling magazine subscriptions for a trip to Wolf Trap, Virginia.
I'm the attorney representing three very angry little pigs.
Please sign this petition to keep a butcher shop out of our neighborhood.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
This has got to have something to do with the 26 alternate dimensions associated with string theory!
Mike Perry
 
What part of not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin did you not understand?
Regina Williams, Greensboro
 
“Just how much of this huffin’ and puffin’ does one have to do???”
“Yes, I DID go to the market – they were closed!!”
Pat Vaughn,  Madison
 
"Wow! You've got some serious 'grandma breath' going on there!
Terry Christensen,  Greensboro
 
"Seriously, Granny, they are doing some amazing things with laser hair removal these days!"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
"I thought you said you were ready to howl! Not dressed like that, you're not!"
Terry Christensen,  Greensboro
 
"Red said to tell you she's tired and not up to the whole 'what big eyes you have' routine tonight."
Terry Christensen,  Greensboro
 
"Listen, you give me half of what's in Red's basket and I promise not to squeal. Deal?"
Terry Christensen,  Greensboro
 
"We're tired of fighting. Come on over to the woodman's house, we'll have a few drinks and bury the hatchet."
Terry Christensen,  Greensboro
 
"You know, working another full-time fairy tale will be the death of you yet!"
Terry Christensen,  Greensboro
 
Dang Granny! I thought the hair on my chinny chin chin was bad!
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
Oh, so now Red Riding Hood is the OTHER white meat?!
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
Hi Granny, have you seen the Wolf? He's been on the lamb since an incident at The House of Bricks a few days ago.  
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Hello. Do you have a few minutes, so that I can share some good news about the 'Great Porcine'?"
Terry Christensen,  Greensboro
 
Wow Granny, you should really get some rest. You are looking a little over the hill and through the woods today!
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
   
You've really hit rock bottom. Get help!
2.) We'll pay you to do our leaves. 3.)
I just wanted to warn you about a wolf in the area Mrs. Hood.
4..)Wait a minute. I'd recognize that halitosis anywhere!
5.) I see you've given up on the direct approach.
6.) I brought your cut of the insurance scam.
7.) You complete us!
8.) We've reported you to the AARP!
Tim Tribbett
 
Do you know God ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Could you call 911 for me, please !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Oops, wrong number !
Trick or Treat ?
That's OK, I don't want to track any mud in !
Sorry, I'll just go wee,wee,wee, all the way home !
Bet your vaccum cleaner works just fine, right ?
Where are my friends that use to live here ?
Was going to ask for your vote, but I don't think we're in the same party !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
"Mrs. Wolf, Any chance your son doesn't like bacon?"
Larry Hobbs, Greensboro
 
"Grandma, what big teeth you have."
"Weren't we suppose to have dinner tonight?"
"My house just got blown down, can I borrower your phone?"
"Look pig, I swear it wasn't me this time!"
"Oh, you're not Lil' Red Riding Hood."
Stephen Parsons, Kernersville
 
Come on over and blow it down, it's insured !
Frank C. Leonard
 
"Grandma, I know I suggested you get a hobby. But ... Lycanthropy?"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
Granny, I think you have taken this whole "Team Jacob" thing a little too far!
Davin Christensen, Greensboro
 
"Granny, when Red Riding Hood gets here, could you give her a message for me? It's 'RUN, GIRL, RUN!'"
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
Really, you above all should give to the homeless shelter !
FYI, we were just renting, so it's no skin off our backs !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
You home wrecker !
You're not allowed to play at our house anymore !
How can I make bricks without straw ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Some one blew my house down, could you put he up for the night?
My house got destroyed, could you have me for dinner?
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
Sorry I ditched your stick house,Red riding hood and I were playing cards.
Tatiana Frontera, Greensboro
 
"I'm here for the barbecue."
Paul J. Klosterman,, High Point.
 
"My home couldn't protect me from foreclosure. Can I crash here?"
Lyonel Pittman, Greensboro 
 
We feel bad that we drove you to this!
2.) We made a house out of balsa wood if you're game.
Tim Tribbett
 
They told me but I had to see for myself!
Tim Tribbett
 
"I'm your new neighbor; please tell me you're asthmatic!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
 
"So, you can blow down sticks but not bricks but what about Stucco?"
"My kid's kite won't fly."
"Will you come and tell them that it was just straight line winds?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
If you think that'll work you're living in a fairy tale!
Tim Tribbett
 
We feel somehow partly responsible for this.
Tim Tribbett
 
I think you're in the wrong fairy tale.  I don't know anyone named Red.
Mike Perry
 
"Go clean up, before you come in."
Matthew Thekkekandam, High Point
 
1.Some of us think you might be having trouble keeping your story straight.
2.It's true, you are moonlighting!
3.I thought you should know your son came to my house shooting his mouth off again
4.Your the new realtor?
5.Little Red Riding Hood wanted me to ask if she could spend the night at my house?
Ella McClellan, Greensboro
 
1.Sorry, wrong house. "Pizza Delivery".
2.I think Little Red Riding Hood is a very good con artist.
3.Hi grandma, what a big nose you ha--ah-o.
4.You already blew my house down, now you want to eat me?
5.You need breath mints if you insist on huffing and puffing.
6.Mrs. Piggy is not your type!
7.Don't you know that eating pork can give you high blood pressure?
8.But grandma, I've never seen you with your dentures "in" before.
9.I thought this was my brothers house made of brick. A big bad wolf blew mine down.
10.Grandma, Did you get a nose implant?
Bruce McClellan, Greensboro
 
"Just to let you know, my friends and I are going to huff and puff and blow YOUR house down.
Barry Spencer, Archdale
 
"My brother is missing. Do I smell bacon ?"
"Wee..wee..wee, may I come in ?"
John Sumner, Greensboro
 
Just thought I would drop off some breath mints.
Tim Tribbett
 
"I sure hope you're kosher!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
 
Oops. Sorry, I was looking for Red.
Granny? Is that you?
Insurance covered our wind damage. 
Our attorney will be calling you - Elmer P Fudd is his name.
I thought that you wore sheep's clothing, not sleep's clothing.
Boy, are you getting long in teeth.
We've decided to move closer to Tate Street. There are more vegetarians living there.
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
"The neighborhood association asks that you stop eating garlic if you're going to insist on huffing and puffing."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
"My brother has the hiccups; could you lose the nightie, put in your teeth and sneak up on him?"
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
"I just wanted to see if it were true: a wolf in sleep clothing."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
"here's the deal ,no more huffing and puffing,and I dont tell grandma that youve been wearing her clothes"
Sam Gordon, Jamestown
 
...and to think I wee wee'd all the way home for this!
You're not Jewish, are you?
eHarmony sent me!
You can't be related to Red Riding Hood. Eleanor Roosevelt maybe, but not Red!
No, I'm not dissapointed, just disgruntled.
Mike Perry
 
We bought a glider and were wondering if you wanted to help pigs fly.
Tim Tribbett
 
“Mrs Wolf, this is the last straw, could you come get your blow hard son, we can’t sleep”
JB, Jamestown
 
“Mrs Wolf, you blow hard son is shaking our shingles again and we can’t sleep”
JB, Jamestown
 
The neighbors are starting to worry about identity theft!
The Police are warning about a girl in a red hoodie who claims to be a long lost grand daughter!
Fortunately she's seeing much better with her new contact lenses!
The neighbors are sorry if she hurt your feelings. You really are much better looking than her grandmother.
And here's the one I didn't dare do for last week:
You're right! The checklist does show we left off a part!
Bob Gerber, Greensboro
 
"Hey, Fannie Mae. Is Freddie Mac home?"
Angela K. Chavis, Greensboro
 
1 this better be good
2 which little piggy are you ?
3 we need to talk
4 I come in peags
5 I'm appealing to the sheep in you...leave us be
6 who did you expect ...riding hood ?
7 homeless ... will squeal for food
Gie Schollaert, oak ridge
 
"For gosh sakes, grandma, please let me buy you a No-No."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
came by to warn you about the dangers of huffing and puffing...wait, grandma is that you?"
Tomme Echerd, Thomasville
 
Well, my brother is missing, and I was wondering...uh, do I smell bacon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
1. I’m Ms. Wiggly and I live in the straw house down the street and your son just blew my house down.
2. I know it’s late, but that Son of yours just blew my house down again.
3. Ms. Wolf this is the last straw. That son of yours just blew my house down.
Tico Wallace, Greensboro
 
"You're husband sent me to get his inhaler."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
"I don't think this role reversal thing is working so hot."
Leigh Mullinnix, Trinity
 
1. Just because I don't have cool chin hairs like Tim Ricard, doesn't mean you can blow my house down!
2. It was funny at first, but please stop singing Brick House.
3. Just to clear things up...even when I shave you still can't come in.
Anderson Ragan, Greensboro
 
I’ll make a deal: You don’t blow my house down, I don’t tell your friends about your choice of sleepwear.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
In that get up, the term "wolf-at-the-door" isn't quite as foreboding. 
Can you hold it down, please!  The term is werewolf, not swearwolf! 
Mike Perry
 
"Well now this is awkward."
Pig: I know I know, I forgot to bring a covered dish.
Wolf: actually I was just going to tell you you're 12 hours early.
Dave Shyloski. Greensboro
 
Our straw house was not insured from your huffing and puffing, so we are staying at your house.
Regina Williams, High Point
 
“Have you accepted Porky Pig as your Lord and Savior?”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
"How much to blow down Stamey's?"
steve turner
 
Your husband said I should come early for the cookout.
Your husband huffed and he puffed – anyway, I’m sleeping on your couch.
Monty Kivett, Greensboro
 
We need to talk.
Tired of running with the pack, huh?
That doesn’t look like sheep’s clothing to me.
This is a side of you I’ve never seen.
I hope that’s just a disguise.
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
"We need to talk. It's about my no good, lazy brothers.  They won't leave.  I think you may be able to help me."
Richard Dail, Lexington
 
Grandma, junior's huffing and puffing again.
Les Thomas, Sterling, VA
 
Looks like you've discovered the OTHER white meat.
2.) Make her squeal like a pig.
3.) Just how dumb is this kid?
4.) You left your purse at our place.
Tim Tribbett
 
I see you've discovered the OTHER other white meat.
Tim Tribbett
 
When you blew down the one house some very personal private items went missing......Oh, there they are.
Tim Tribbett
 
"The radio says I should seek better shelter."
"Why do wolves always seem to hit stick built parks?"
"I need your husband to confirm that it was just straight line winds."
"Doppler shows your husband over by the Smith farm."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
Thanks for having me over for breakfast. I just love bacon.
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
 
"Can yu please help me. I've lost my WEEEEEEEEEE."?
"Have you seen 2 little piggies wandering around in this neighborhood."?
"I've lost my 2 brothers. Can you give me directions to the "market"."
Dalton L. Smith, Greensboro
 
Oh no. Sheryl really should not have broken up with you.
Grayson Sarver Greensboro

1. "Can I stay here tonight? Little Red Riding Hood just blew my house in."
2. "What? You couldn't knock!?"
3. "I just built a straw house on your front lawn for my mother-in-law."
4. "Can I borrow some duct tape?"
Tom Norman, Greensboro
 
"You forgot about the 4th little pig"
Jules Jones, Jamestown
 I really liked this one. Disappointed the judges didn't pick it.
 
The director said you need to concentrate- you're in the wrong fable!
Geez!  This is awkward!
I'm sorry I haven't visited in a long time, MeMaw!
Tim! Happy 262 weeks!  Maybe this thing will work out some day!
Mike Perry
 
I think I've seen Twilight too many times!
I think I'd rather see Torquemada than this!
Mike Perry
 
"Uh...this might be a bad time, but a wolf blew my house down. Can I stay the night?" 
"Uh hi, I'm you're new neighbor. I just moved into the straw house across the street."
Paul D'Amora New Milford, Connecticut
 
Can you blow my house down? My mother-in-law is coming to town.
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
 
1.) The jig is up. We tweeted her!
2.) Can you stand there while I go get my camera?
Tim Tribbett
 
Hey Moe, mind if I crash here?  They're having a barbeque down on the farm tonight.
Lynn Ritchy, Greensboro
 
"I had a " Roastbeef" sandwich."
Dalton L. Smith, Greensboro
 
Grandma, have you tried laser hair removal?
Your husband needs to give up cigarettes if he wants to Huff and Puff.
Is this Acme House Demolition?
Henry, Greensboro
 
Have you considered just going to the grocery store?
Tim Tribbett
 
I'm the model from the bank.
Did someone here order extra sausage?
I'm huffing and puffing now!
Stephen Botts, Greensboro
 
“Would you mind turning the volume down on the late show, we’re trying to hibernate in the back yard.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro
 
Hey, you aren't Pigita.  This isn't Steve Pastis' world is it?
Mike Perry
 
Didn't I blow your house down last week?
2. Wee, wee, wee!
3. Oink, oink, oink!
4. This gig is up, I told Little Red Ridinghood who you really are!
5. I squealed on you , Little Red Ridinghood won't be visiting today!
6. The man with the ax is on his way!
Nancy Nelson 
 
"Hi, I'm helping my friend Little Bo Peep search the neighborhood for...HEYYyyyyy, are you wearing Sheep's Clothing???"  
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
"Ahh, my brothers and I are new to the neighborhood and....Never Mind."  
 
"We heard there was going to be a bar-be-que here this weekend and we were going to ask if you've ever tried Tofu." 
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
"Hi.  I'm from the JOU Committee and I just wanted to know if there was anything funny going on here."  
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

 
Posted by Tim Rickard on Thursday, January 26, 2012 at 3:56 pm

January 20, 2012

THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 012012

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 012612
 
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
 
Some of you didn’t recognize Cavity Sam from the game “Operation.” Record number of entries, though.
Last week I attributed six wins to Tom Norman, Bill Wallace and Ken Sheldon. They have five each. Sorry.
 

Follow Brewster Rockit Tweets here at twitter.com/brewsterrockit

Also Follow Brewster Rockit here on Facebook

 
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON

WINNER
"The only way you're going to leave here is in a box."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
RUNNERS-UP
It says “Batteries not included” in your insurance plan.
Monty Kivett, Winston Salem
 
"So, your emergency contact is.... Monopoly Man?"
Stephen Parsons, Kernersville
 
Bend over and try not to buzz.
Tim Tribbett
 
I believe an operation is in order.
Morgan Mayer, Elon
 
I’m referring you to Milton Bradley for more testing.
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
"If you have any post-op questions, just give me a buzz."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
“Don’t worry. My five year old has done this procedure many times.”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
“Relax. Your surgery will be as easy as child’s play.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
 
JR. WINNER
"Place of birth?... Candyland?"
Thomas Parsons, 5th grade, Kernersville
 
JR RUNNER-UPS
"Sir, we don't accept your "MB" paper bills."
Joshua Parsons (6th grade) Kernersville
 
We found lots of plastic toy pieces inside you.
J.T., Frazier
 
We are trying to help you, but you keep buzzing every time we do.
J.Kate, Triangle Lake
 
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
I'm gonna let my kids have a crack at this one.
Tim Tribbett
 
We took care of all those open wounds for you.
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
"I'm sorry, we're going to have to postpone your operation. I misplaced my tweezers."
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Dr. Rickard will be here shortly to do the "medical" illustrations.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
It's a Cease and Desist Order addressed to Rickard from the Milton Bradley Copy-write Department.
It's an arrest warrant for indecent exposure.
Henry, Greensboro
 
“Don’t touch my funny bone. I need it to win “The Joke’s on You” next week.
Drew Forte, Elon
 
"I'm sorry Mr.Tribbett,but we're going to have to take out your funny bone."
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
We can't find your funny-bone....guess the joke's on you.
Larry Tyrell, Stokesdale
 
The newspaper is glad you’ve got that huge Bread Basket. Otherwise, they couldn’t print this cartoon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
"Mr. Potato Head? Yes, but I was just starting my practice back then."
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
(Referring to a familiar looking doc. with Mr. Potato Head as a patient from an earlier JOU.)
 
ON JOKES ON YOU’S FIFTH BIRTHDAY
Thanks for the laughs
Jim Herring
 
Thank you for mentioning Frank Freeman he was my friend I miss him and his sense of humor.
Chuck Armentrout, Greensboro
 
Enjoyed the 5 year retrospective in the paper this morning! Cngratulations, Tim. I continue to enjoy and be amazed by the creative captions that folks come up with each week!  Some of them could quit their day jobs.... Marcia James, Jamestown
 
Thank you for mentioning Frank Freeman he was my friend I miss him and his sense of humor.
Chuck Armentrout, Greensboro
 
Dear Tim,
Congratulations on reaching five years! This is my first contribution
to your feature, but I have enjoyed reading it for some time now.  
Here's to another five years!
Warm regards,
Margaret Wolfe-Roberts, Asheboro
 
Hey Tim!
Just wanted to formally wish the Jokes On You a Happy 5th Anniversary! Thanks for all the hard work you put in to making this happen week after week after week. I'm sure it's not easy but it really is appreciated buy so many people in the area. Glad you keep it going.
Have a great weekend and thanks again for including me in the Hall of Fame (or Hall of Shame...po-tay-to, po-tot-o, you know)  ;)
Bob Mannary
 
Tim -
The article celebrating JOU's 5th anniversary was great.\
Bll Wallace
 
The feature in the paper was reallyawesome!!!!
Tim Tribbett
 
The mugs and quotes were a really neat touch.
Cindy Loman
 
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
We can't believe it either, sir. A Junior Mint!
Mark Prevette, Lexington
 
Well Chaz,How have things been going since Dancing with the Stars?
Steve Carbone, Greensboro
 
"Remember...one blink for yes and two blinks for no Captain Pike."
"You've listed Larry Fine and Curly Howard as your emergency contacts is that correct?"
"Damn It Sam I'm A Doctor...Not An Electrician!"
Bob Mannary
 
"Tough gig since the Stooges spilt up, huh Moe?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
 
BEST/WORST PUN
With so many entries I’m sure I overlooked some.
 
BEST POEMS
Milton Bradley had made a crowd pleaser
That was aimed at the youngster and geezer.
    The objective? It was:
    Would the player be buzzed
When their patient went under the tweezer?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Said a Dr "You, sir, are very androgynous!
And disturbs me, I'm very philogynous
    But even more, as a physician
    Is your religious position,
Are you Christian or very synagogynous?
Mike Perry"
 
There once was a game Operation
Who's fun stretched across the whole nation
    Twelve medical woes
    and a glowing red nose
Cavity Sam liked the shocking sensation!

But the years weren't kind to this game
And kids nowadays are to blame
    All the time that they spend
    online chatting with friends
playing xBox for hours on end.

So here's to the games of the past
Seems like their memories are all that will last
    But if Sam made you smile
    when you were a child
I hope you will read this and laugh.

But Ol' Sam seems to have a new gig
and he hopes his new job you will dig
    So what else could he do
    to entertain you
But show up on this weeks Jokes On you.
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Are you sorry yet?
I forget, why did I miss you?
 

Your name is Sam,

You have ailments galore,

But it’s all a sham,
You can fool us no more!
 
It's something you said
Back in 2004,
"A cone in my head
Will increase the score!”
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
OPEN MIKE NITE
Hello, I'm so glad to be back in Greensville, especially for the first Henny Youngman Jokefest.  Let's get right to it. A man went to the Dr. and the doc said he had 6 months to live. He  couldnt pay the bill,  Doc gave him another 6 months. Bodda Boom. Thank you. I went to the Dr. about my sex life, he says run 10 miles a day.  Two weeks later I called him, he asked me "How's your love life?' I told him "I don't know, I'm a 140 miles away.  Thank you,thank you- whatta crowd. But seriously, I went to the Dr last week, I said Doc, it hurts when I do this. He said "Don't do that!" Please, enough, enough- you're too kind. Guy goes to a Dr, doc says "You're pregnant!" The man says how does a man get pregnant? "Dr. says-" The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner...." Oh please, stop. Okay, okay, one more.  Last week I went to the Dr. he grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"  Thank you Greenville, you're so kind. Make sure you tip your waiter.  Good nighhhhhht!
Mike Perry
 
SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES
"Ok, let me get my tweezers."
"You again, it's always the same thing every time."
"Sir, we don't accept your "MB" paper bills."
Joshua Parsons (6th grade) Kernersville
 
"Place of birth?...Candyland?"
Thomas Parsons (5th grade) Kernersville
 
OK, touch your toes and say ah.
Cooper Allen, age 6, Greensboro.
 
Sorry, I should have warmed the instrument first.
Colby Allen, age 7, Greensboro.

Don't look so shocked.   I haven't even started yet!
Jackson Allen, age 11, Greensboro
 -----------------------
Submitted by Louise Monroe
Frazier
Unique: We need a red nose and a lot of toys.
Chase K.: Sorry, Mr. Op, we can't help. Just let the kids do it.
Mahogany D.: Sir, we couldn't do surgery because you kept buzzing.
J.T.: We found lots of plastic toy pieces inside you.
Brandon P.: We will have to take that bulb. Oh, that's not a pretty sight.
J.D.W.: I think we're going to have to perform an operation
 
Triangle Lake Montessori
William: Looks all good. Wait, why did you take the pants off?
Nick T.: Where're your clothes.
Kalani: Uh-oh, you have Rudolph virus.
Jordan: Who are you, the Vexing Vulgar?
Matthew: Why do you make a tweeting sound?
Jade: Well, the chart says you're fat and nude.
J.Kate: We are trying to help you, but you keep buzzing every time we do.
Princess Mdiva: Is that my lunch?
The Dollar General: I think you have the no clothes disease.
Chloe: So, you want plastic surgery?
Joe: Why're you junked up, Jake?
Angela: Wait, you're the guy from Operation. Can I have your autograph?
 -----------
THE REST
Now that everything else is removed, we’ll have to do something about that “Rudolph Nose.”
The newspaper is glad you’ve got that huge Bread Basket. Otherwise, they couldn’t print this cartoon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Two words -- case study.
Are you sure you haven't been eating licorice?
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
We’re a low budget hospital. We don’t use instruments like scalpels and forceps, only tweezers.
My professor in Surgery 101? That was Dr. Milton Bradley.
I’m sorry, sir. We’re all out of gowns.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
That was some of the easiest surgery I've ever done!
Tim Tribbett
 
You seem surprised that we can cure you without surgery.
Jeff Rhudy Greensboro   
 
"I don't know! It was there when I got dressed this morning."
Bob Kowski, Trinity
 
"Mr. Fribbett, I figured out why your wife can't get pregnant."
Patricia Redding, Liberty (This is my first entry ever)  :)
 
And what makes you think we botched the operation?
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
 
That’s not what I wanted removed
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
 
I’m sorry, but your case of erectile dysfunction is incurable.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
 
When's the last time you saw those toes ?
Don't worry about touching'em, when's the last time you saw them ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
“Put your clothes back on man…it is only a tooth extraction, not an operation”
Bronico, James Jay (Jim)
 
This will be a first for our Delivery Room too !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
You'll be great for our Before & After picture book !
Catching cold is one of the least of your worries !
Yes, we heard your wife left you !
Who's your next of kin ?
This is a clear case of exposure !
Have you had a bath this AM ?
You can't blame gravity for all of this !
Look's like you've outgrown your Birthday Suit !
How long have you been expecting ?
Your Insurance Company says they will not pay !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Forget the toes, can you see the floor ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Eyes, ears, teeth all good; weight perfect, one problem feet point north & south
Milford E. Whitaker, Greensboro
 
Let me find my tweezers so we can operate
Sj martin, Reidsville
 
wow....they really did take out your funny bone
Sj martin, Reidsville
 
"To be honest, it's going to be touch and go for a while"
Jerry Kidd, Greensboro
 
"We were able to save the funny bone, but sorry about the boy parts."
Joel Dobson, Greensboro
 
So your symptoms are ...you nose lights up when someone touches your sides??
Sj martin, reidsville
 
Uh..doctor, I think you operated on the wrong extremity
Christine Burrow, Winston Salem
 
"I'm concerned that the red nose and constant buzz are signs of alcoholism."
Ted Eaves, Greensboro
 
Sorry, your insurance doesn't cover gowns !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Doctor; is that a one way mirror in that door
Milford E. Whitaker, Greensboro
 
When did you last see it?
This isn't the hospital's Lost and Found Department.
A. Nony Mouse Greensboro 
 
Give me ten .... push-ups, man !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
"Looks Like You Need An Operation."
"I've Got Good News and I've Got Bad News...The Bad News Is You Need An Operation...The Good News Is We Have An Electrician On Call"
Blast You Tim Rickard For Making Me Realize How Much I Miss This Bleepin' Contest!!!
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Evil laughing sound – rubbing hands together …
 
Oh no….they removed the wrong “funny bone”.
Jimmy Joyce, Brown Summit
 
I don't blame you -- I'd sue too
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
Your reputation precedes you, Malpractice Mike.
“Stop playing games with me!”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
I'm sure it's there, somewhere.
Glenda Layton, Carthage
 
I think my legs are on backwards.
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
“How many points do I get for removing your prostate?”
“Somebody put your Adam’s apple in your bread basket.”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
Doc, I've lost my navel!
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
Doc, I want a second opinion.  I want to sue that little girl who botched my operation playing Operation.
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
1 I'm afraid your voice does sound higher
2 I'm referring you to a magician
3 I'm referring you to dr Merlin
4 have you checked your wife's pocket book ...
5 I'm writing you an apb
Gie Schollaert, Oak ridge
 
“So; is it the nose job or the tummy-tuck this time?”
Cynthia Neel, High Point
 
"Uh...I'm Going To Send You Over To Dr. Rudolph For A Few More Tests."
"Nothing too bad...just a loose wire."
"Just let me run down to Radio Shack and we'll get you squared away."
"OK...next time try not to hold the metal rail while giving your urine sample."
"Let me see...side effects include headache, blurry vision, loose stool...nope...nothing about a glowing appendage."
"Medicine is just some type of game to you isn't it?"
"You know...surgery isn't all fun and games..."
"Nothing more than a fuse...no need to worry."
"Perhaps more Zinc in your diet isn't such a good idea..."
"Just rub a pencil eraser across it a few times and you should be fine..."
"Remember...one blink for yes and two blinks for no Captain Pike."
"You've listed Larry Fine and Curly Howard as your emergency contacts is that correct?"
"I'm sorry but this time we are going to need REAL money as payment."
"Let me guess...one in a million shot right?"
"So...you're saying you have NO IDEA how that wire got there?"
"WD-40 does prevent rust but I feel fairly certain that it should be considered For External Use Only."
"I see no reason why we couldn't add a second bulb but then we've have to change your rating to NC-17."
"If you feel anything strange during surgery remember it's dot dot dot, dash dash dash, dot dot dot."
"If the pencil was meant to go there then there would probably be a label next to the hole now wouldn't you think?"
"Well...if she finds the light flashing on and off distracting then you're only options are to either loosen the bulb or have her wear a blindfold."
"Damn It Sam I'm A Doctor...Not An Electrician!"
"Let's See...Cavity Sam...Can I Just Call You Sam? The word 'Cavity' scares me just a little..."
"Dang It Sam...That's The Third Bulb You've Blown This Week! You Have GOT To Get This Under Control.."
"You're Electrons Are Up and You're Nickel-Metal Hydride seems to be Elevated..."
"Wait...so you're NOT here for a Rhinoplasty consultation?"
"Now remember...during your colonoscopy you are going to have to hold very, VERY still..."
"Once again I want to apologize for that little mishap during your colonoscopy...first the light then the buzzer...I guess I just got nervous."
"It looks like you've just blown your nose..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
P.S. I Hate You...I Hate You...I Hate You...
 
“The bad news is that the tumor was malignant. The good news is that I won!”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
"Ok, surgery is scheduled for 3PM at Billy Watkins' house."
Marcia James, Jamestown
 
We can't find your funny-bone....guess the joke's on you.
Larry Tyrell, Stokesdale
 
"It looks as if a child performed your appendectomy."
"You've been under the knife more than Joan Rivers."
"Tough gig since the Stooges spilt up, huh Moe?"
"Well, your nose isn't lit up, so that's a start."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
 
"That's right, unless we do gastric bypass surgery, I'm afraid you'll never see them again!"
[His toes of course, dummy!]
RT Spong, GSO
 
"I'm sorry, we're going to have to postpone your operation. I misplaced my tweezers."
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
 
Thanks for the heads up on that not touching the sides thing.
Tim Tribbett
 
I'm sorry but I'll have to touch the edges on your prostate exam.
Tim Tribbett
 
Sorry, my hand not steady enough to operate on you.
Al Fabris, Sophia
 
I'll start the operation after I finsh my morning expresso.
Tim Tribbett
 
Sorry 'bout that. Don't know how those kids got in the operating room!
Tim Tribbett
 
"I'm sorry Mr.Tribbett,but we're going to have to take out your funny bone."
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
"We found a suitable donor match for you.It's your cousin-Fuzzy Wuzzy."
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
Oops, I thought the card said remove "funny boner".
Tim Tribbett
 
1. Your surgeon has a steady hand, but you can't be too careful.
2. There's a certain reindeer that likes the work I do.
Todd Miller, Greensboro
 
“I’m sorry sir, your insurance will not cover having parts put back on!”
Larry Hobbs, Greensboro
 
I'm sorry to report we could not find a donor for the nipple replacement operation.
Scott Bishop, Davidson
 
"I'm afraid it's 'Game Over' for you, Cavity Sam."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Wow, you've had that many operations since 1965?
Marsha Maddy, Greensboro
 
"Yes, Dr. Hasbro, I'm impressed that you can catch a fly with your unusually large tweezers, but my concern, though, is WHY you have them."
Tomme M. Echerd, Thomasville
 
"You have a rare condition known as "butterflies in the stomach".  Unfortunately, we were only able to find and remove one of them.  I'm sorry."
Richard T. Dail, Lexington
 
It's got to be disconnected before He'll start. The Dr. can't take constant critiquing of his work.
Herman Smith, Burlington
 
You've got to stop clowning around and get serious about your diet!
John Kilgore, Greensboro
 
"It's time for your advanced prostate exam Mr. Jones."
Doug Clayton, Mcleansville
 
" Your x-ray shows that your chest has dropped to your drawers"
Lathrop P. Smith, Greensboro
 
" There was a slight slip of the scalpel during your hernia operation! "
 Walker Cantrell, High Point
 
Your surgery will be performed by three preteen Justin Biebier fans.
Tim Tribbett
 
I've looked twice. There's no card for rhinoplasty.
Tim Tribbett
 
Your buzzing nose made Doctor Smith wet himself!
Tim Tribbett
 
You're not much of a bleeder. I'll give you that!
Tim Tribbett
 
Have you ever heard of syphilis of the nose?
Tim Tribbett
 
The nurse who tried to insert your catheter is still hiding in the closet!
Tim Tribbett
 
Our colonoscopy found two AA batteries.
Tim Tribbett
 
Bend over and try not to buzz.
Tim Tribbett
 
You'll laugh when I tell you this.Remember your wish bone?
Tim Tribbett
 
Would you sign the organ donor form? I lost my wrench.
Tim Tribbett
 
“Really, the bread basket!”
 “You just make me want to sing… the ankle bones connected to the knee bone”
“You up for an operation”
“So you’re Cavity Sam”
“You have a striking resemblance to a game I played as a kid”
“Sam, this is some list of ailments”
“Adam’s apple, Charlie horse, Spare rib, Funny bone anything else”
“Great costume doe’s the nose light up”
“If only I had a specialist card”
“What are we doing this time”
Chuck Armentrout, Greensboro
 
Dye it??  What color is it now??
Bill Simpson, Reidsville
 
Let's see, Green is good, Yellow caution, Red is 911 !!!
If it was green, you might be a Martian ! 
Time to stop clowning around and start dieting !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington,
 
You answered one question with a  Pinocchio, didn't you ?
Anyone ever tell you that you'd make a good Santa Claus helper ?
I see you arrived via our air-ambulance !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington,
 
Didn't I tell you to stop picking it, or it might fall off ?
Look, you can pick your new nose right off this chart !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington,
 
But Rudolph, you told the plastic surgeon you wanted a signature nose job, didn't you ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington,
 
I have to say it's the doctors with the problems not you.
Rachel, Greensboro
 
Before we get started I have a few questions.
What have you been eating lately?
Rachel, Greensboro
 
Well Chaz,How have things been going since Dancing with the Stars?
Steve Carbone, Greensboro
 
"Let me get this straight....Prof Plum hit you with a lead pipe?"
"I'm sorry sir, but the nude fat farm is down the street."
Kelly Parsons, Kernersville
 
"I can fix your funny bone, but can't fix that hair!"
"So, your emergency contact is....Monopoly Man?"
"Looks like you just need new batteries."
"Doc, every time someone pokes me my nose lights up."
"You say you're suffering from both a brain freeze and a charlie horse?"
"The problem is that your anklebone is only connected to your knee bone with a rubber band."
"Hey Rudolph called.....he wants his nose back."
"Good News - the operation was a success...Bad News - we lost your pants."
Stephen Parsons, Kernersville
 
"Ok, let me get my tweezers."
"You again, it's always the same thing every time."
"Sir, we don't accept your "MB" paper bills."
Joshua Parsons (6th grade) Kernersville
 
"Place of birth?...Candyland?"
Thomas Parsons (5th grade) Kernersville
 
"When did you get that "MB" branded on your back?"
Becky Parsons (9th grade) Kernersville
 
"Just take two batteries and call me in the morning."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
Dr. Rickard will be here shortly to do the "medical" illustrations.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
Let's see, removal of the Breadbasket, Wishbone, Funny Bone, Charley Horse, Writer's cramp, ankle bone connected to the knee bone.....Yup, this should cover my daughter's 1st year college tuition at Columbia.
Regina Williams, Greensboro
 
Do you know who the mother is?
Congratulations its a boy.
That's not a beer belly.
This might be one for the Guinness Book.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
"Your wife is in surgery now. We should hear something soon."
"Nurse, I think his nose is red-lining."
"We ran out of sutures but I think you're going to like what we did."
"I'm afraid the surgery left you with several ultra-sensitive holes."
"Now don't be alarmed but we have to take out your funny bone."
"Now you've listed your next of kin as the Rock'em Sock'em Robots."
"The only way you're going to leave here is in a box."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
"You're about to meet your maker but we can't find your receipt."
"I see them playing with you two, maybe three weeks."
"Good news, we got three million donor matches."
"May I play?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
"I let my kids dis-organize you. And, you've gone viral on YouTube."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
"If you have any post-op questions, just give me a buzz."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
"Just take two batteries and buzz me in the morning."
Scott Tredwell, Advance
 
1.I appreciate your honesty. It's rare for anyone to tell me they get buzzed several times a day.
2.I just don't think you can handle anymore plastic surgery.
3.Your operation was a complete success. What makes you think we're just toying with you?
4. Your medical history is shocking!
5.I've reviewed your xrays. Everything looks clear.
6.This sould be your last visit. Your xrays indicate we got it all.
Ella McClellan Greensboro 
 
You need to take the operation seriously, this isn't a game.
I'm afraid you have Rudolph Syndrome.
David Core, Greensboro
 
It looks like the surgeon left a pair of tweezers inside you.
Look on the bright side, no prostate exam.
David Core, Greensboro
 
Your Buttonectomy went so well, we just kept going.
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro
 
I'm sorry, sir, but with all you owe for your previous operations, rhinoplasty is simply out of the question.
Unfortunately, we haven't found a donor for your wishbone replacement.
Because you let your insurance lapse, you now owe us two million dollars.
Have you considered homeopathic remedies?
We can't believe it either, sir.  A Junior Mint!
Mark Prevette, Lexington
 
"You Seem Much More Grounded Than You Were When I Saw You Last."
"Don't worry...it's much less invasive than what they had to do to the Easy Bake Oven."
"CFL is all the rage...trust me...it'll look fine."
"Don't blame ME for your Brain Freeze. I voted for Tennis Elbow."
"I'm going to recommend you stay out of the hot tub indefinitely..."
"Your Best Bet Is To Avoid Using The Microwave Until The Glowing Begins To Subside..."
"I understand your reluctance to travel by plane...TSA has NO sense of humor these days..."
"Let me see if I can shed a little light on the problem..."
"Of course I have steady hands...why do you ask?"
"Wait...so the BLACK wire is the hot leg and the WHITE wire is common? Oh...well that makes a lot more sense now..."
"Oh....you meant a LIGHT SWITCH when you asked my nurse about a three-way..."
"We've never worked on a celebrity before...the nurses are all aglow..."
"Sammy with your nose so bright...won't you guide my tweezers tonight..."
"Well...that's quite the Bulbous nose you've got there..."
"So have you ever actually BEEN to the Red Light District?"
"Whistling? Oh...Sorry...it's a song by The Police called Roxanne..."
"I said it was a Herniated DISC, D.I.S.C...Disc."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
P.S. What else do you like to do for fun Tim...offer alcohol to the folks outside of the A.A. meetings? I manage to get the JOU Monkey off my back and you throw him RIGHT BACK ON!!!
The first taste is always free …
 
"The good news is, you're not pregnant."
Margaret Wolfe-Roberts, Asheboro
 
The surgeon requests that you remove your batteries.
Tim Tribbett
 
I'm gonna let my kids have a crack at this one.
Tim Tribbett
 
“They won’t laugh this week.  Your funny bone is missing!”
First time entrant.  
Thanks for the laughs
Jim Herring
 
That's not the reason you're here --
as a board-certified plastic surgeon, I'm not allowed to sell "replacement parts" on E-bay.
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
Even if they are in mint condition, biohazardous waste materials cannot be sold as "replacement parts" on E-Bay.
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
Removal of non-biodegradable plastic materials is not covered by your municipality or your health insurance plan.
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
1.)Hello, I'm Doctor Twitchyfingers.
2.) Wow, I really do get the shakes after my 5th cup of coffee.
Tim Tribbett
 
Sorry, I should have warmed the instrument first.
Colby Allen, age 7, Greensboro.

Don't look so shocked.   I haven't even started yet!
Jackson Allen, age 11, Greensboro.

Think that's shocking, wait until you see my bill!
Beth Allen, Greensboro.

Do you like it?  It's the latest design in prostate exam technology.
Peter Allen, Greensboro.

OK, touch your toes and say ah.
Cooper Allen, age 6, Greensboro.
 
My guess is you lost all your coverage  in the company buyout . . .
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
“Don’t worry. My five year old has done this procedure many times.”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
 
“Ken or Barbie?”
Pete Dey, Greensboro
 
"Unfortunately Sir, the only donor nose available belonged to a reindeer."
Matt Oates, Greensboro
 
"Like I said, my nose ain't the problem!!
Tonya G. Foster, Greensboro
 
"The bad news is your nose lit up five times during the operation.  The good news is we had fun!"
Robert George, Greensboro
 
it's a delicate operation and all i have is a pair of tweezers. will your insurance cover that?
if you happen to hear a buzzing sound or see any bright red lights dont worry  --its all perfectly normal.
MICHAEL.b, Asheville
 
Well, yes; I really can understand your consternation!
Mike Perry
 
Well, the first thing you should have noticed is the absence of your, uh....belly button!
Mike Perry
 
"Since it is internal hemorrhoids, we're going to unplug your buzzer."
steve turner
 
The operation was a complete success Mr. Smith, uh..Ms. Smith!
Mike Perry
 
You, sir,  are a reality TV show all by yourself!
Mike Perry
 
At this point, we really don't know how many doctors it will take to change your light bulb.
Pete Salassi, Greensboro
 
Welcome to General Hospital. I'm Dr. Milton Bradley, and I have a business proposal
I'd like to offer you.
Mike Perry
 
Let's see- your last name is Sam, first name Cavity. Is that right, sir?
Mike Perry
 
Well, sir-among the diagnoses are Adam's Apple, Butterflies In the Stomach,
Water on the Knee, and and Writer's Cramp!
Mike Perry
 
I see you left the Sex box unchecked.
Mike Perry
 
This is Metro Hospital, not John's Hopkins.
Mike Perry
 
You have no money, no insurance, no medicaid. But I will personally pay for it if you sign all gaming rights over to me.
Mike Perry
 
My name is Bradley, Dr. Milton Bradley!
Mike Perry
 
The good news is you do not have pneumonia.  The bad news....
Mike Perry
 
I know I'm a Dr., but do I have a business proposition for you!
Mike Perry
 
"The donor would like to meet you if you are willing--his name is Bozo."
Margaret Wolfe-Roberts, Asheboro
 
"Your wife has gone into surgery. We should hear something soon."
"You gave us quite a scare back there."
"We found traces of crayon in your battery pack."
"Well, the anesthesiologist went running down the hall."
"Is this some kind of game to you?"
"Our interns really took a liking to you."
"It was going fine until Dr. Blatz' hayfever attack."
"I just don't think your batteries are up to the surgery."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
"Sir . . . you have a cold"
Benjamin Stringfellow
 
"The test results came back positive…but look on the bright side, you might have a job come next christmas eve.
Wilson Hester
 
“No. 13 --  Does this really say ‘brain freeze’ ” ?
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
Your previous doctors had somewhat suspect credentials.
Tim Tribbett
 
This MRI can't be right!
Tim Tribbett
 
Oh heck, where did I leave my pen?
Tim Tribbett
 
"I used to laugh at all my surgeries...until you removed my funny bone!"
"Every time I come in, you take something else out, doc!"
"You were shocked by my diagnosis, doc?"
I just get a buzz out of my annual physical."
"I'm a living donor...but just barely!"
"I come in...you take out."
"I didn't ask for take-out."
"Medicare wants to know if any of my procedures have been unnecessary."
"I passed the drug test, but you think I'm buzzed?"
"You're a no-bones-about-you kind of doctor!"
Kris Voy Trinity
 
"Mr. Potato Head? Yes, but I was just starting my practice back then."
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
"Are you going buzz when I examine you?"
"Are you related to Rudolph the Reindeer?"
Sarah Pickett, Greensboro
 
“Why is ‘Toys for Tots’ listed under ‘Advance Directives’ ?
"Under  'Chronic Conditions,' why did you write 'Milton Bradley' and 'Hasbro'?
“When are you going to stop playing games with us and permit an autopsy?”
 Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
Remember your momma telling you not to run with scissors?
Mike Perry
 
What do I see on the CAT scan?  I see a summer place in Maui!
Mike Perry
 
Well, actually, valium is the best medicine.
Mike Perry
 
Sorry, there is no Dr. that can help you.   But you're lucky, I happen to be a quack!
Mike Perry
 
My first reccomendation is you pay me in advance!
Mike Perry
 
I have good news and bad news.  The good news is they are going to name a disease after you!
Mike Perry
 
You're like the Wizard of Oz.  No pecs, no belly button and no..uh...no courage!
Mike Perry
 
We took care of all those open wounds for you.
We are half-way through your gender reassignment.
You're shocked - You should see my surgical team.
We upgraded your wiring while we were in there.
Um, I need to see the other side.
Really, you could have left on your gown for this part.
No operation today, just blood tests, CAT scan, MRI, and other tests.
Rudolph wants his nose returned to him.
I said assume the position, not first position.
Have you seen the movie "Fletch?"
We can get the orthopod to straighten out those feet while you are here.
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
"The latest buzz is I'm not too hand-eye coordinated." 
"Rudolph called. He wants his nose back."  
"Your nose let us see better during surgery. Wait, does that mean something's wrong?" 
Gina Apperson 
 
I must be nervous about my surgery doc....I've had this recurring nightmare of dying on the table!
Nancy Davis, Randleman,
 
“Even with lithium, you can expect oxidation in the cells over time . . .”
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
Is it a simple case of mistaken identity - is there more to this than meets the eye?
“Those ‘Wooly Willy’ disguises won’t work with us, Sam—it’s time to come clean.”
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
Why did they pinched your nose during airport strip search !
Will you stop clowning around with this weight lose program ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
1 you want a recall on every single box...?
2 Sam, there was no conspiracy !
3 legally I think their out is the word cavity ...
4 let it go Sam... just too much about nothing
Gie Schollaertt, oak ridge
 
“Alright Sam we’re going to prescribe you 2 AA batteries to take care of that drowsiness.”
Kate Murphy, Elon University
 
“Seriously, this isn’t a game. We need to operate.”
Kate Murphy, Elon University
 
"No bellybutton... yeah I'm just as shocked as you are. 
Kate Murphy, Elon University
 
Cavity Sam knew that his addiction to surgery had gone too far when he went to a hospital he had never been to before and they new his name.
Wilson Hester
 
“I’ll clarify: Your surgery is ‘on the shelf’ for now.”
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
"Trust me, none of them have ever seen your 'back side.'"
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
"If get married, can my wife look like this."?
"As a board-certified plastic surgeon, if I'm caught selling 'replacement parts' on eBay, I'll be 'put away for life.'"
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
"Keep in mind, the minute we allow the kids in, your shelf life expires."
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
"I'm trying to figure out whether this says 'tweeters' or 'tweezers.' "
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
From Cavity Sam
“Don’t touch my funny bone. I need it to win “The Joke’s on You” next week.
Modern Medicine Operation:
“Forget ‘spare ribs’ removal, I want a tummy tuck.”
“Doc, knock my batteries out good. I don’t want to light up red during surgery.”
From Doctor
“I’m glad you came to a real doctor for surgery for once.”
“I see here you’ve had more surgeries than the Human Barbie.”
Drew Forte, Elon
 
"The surgery is kinda like donating your body for laughs."
Karen Phillips, Greensboro
 
"After the nose operation, we'll do Liposuction."
"Good news your circus job is safe."
"If you were a woman,I'd say about 8 months pregnant."
"My second opinion confirms my first one, You are still ugly and fat."
"you have the worst hangover I have ever seen."
Dalton L. Smith, Greensboro
 
1. “Relax. Your surgery will be as easy as child’s play.”
2. “I've postponed your operation. I’m in no mood to play games.”
3. “I’m not sure why but according to these instructions, I have to remove all your internal organs.”
4. “The x-ray indicates there’s a light bulb connected to a battery inside your nose. I think you need a psychiatrist not a surgeon."
Tom Norman, Greensboro
 
So which plastic surgery are we doing today?
Allison D'Amora, Elon
 
Are you shocked?
Allison D'Amora, Elon
 
"I told you Cavity Sam, you’re all done with your operation, so please put some clothes on!"
Colleen Cooper, Elon
 
I see here you're Jewish.  Must've been a heckuva mohel!
Mike Perry
 
"I've been doing this for years and I have to admit, I was shocked when we tried to operate" 
Liz Bailey, Elon 
 
"So, where do you suppose this goes?"
Omolayo Ojo
 
I hope its okay to send more than one at a time. Our family enjoys these cartoons.
By the sound of your response, I guess I will be hearing from your attorney?
Deirdre McArthur
Of course it is. And I'm glad you enjoy them.
 
No, I'm not playing games - you could die!
Aidan McArthur, age 13
 
I'm afraid to tell you, you have a monopoly piece stuck in your body
Jerry mcArthur
 
Apparently, your bread basket keeps on rising
Deirdre McArthur
 
Well, I'm sorry you are uncomfortable just because I am so much older than your regular doctors
Jerry McArthur

 
1. I love to freak out the interns.
2. Everything seems to be fine, we will see you back in a week.
3. I have the results of your x-ray here....
4. I believe an operation is in order.
Morgan Mayer, Elon
 
…and after I remove the batteries, the operation should go a lot easier.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
We’ll have to call in a specialist to remove your rubber band – I always set off the buzzer on that one.
Emily Haring, Elon
 
“Our scores go up if we keep a check on the no(i)se.”
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
The bad news is you have 1 week to live. The good news is I outscored Dr. Jones!
Tim Tribbett
 
"The real concern here, sir, is the haircut"
Benjamin Stringfellow
 
“Don’t have a broken heart. It’s just butterflies in your stomach.”
Patterson Huggins, Elon University
 
Funny! OK - where did you put them?
That is not what I envisioned
That is not what I wanted
I like the svelte look
Keith Peddie, Greensboro
 
FOUND: Belly. MISSING: Button.
Megan Chase
 
Anesthesiologists? Don't need 'em!
Madeleine Stokowski, Fairfax Station, VA
 
"We tell all our patients, 'If you have a problem, give us a buzz.' ”
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
…and before the accident I was selling anatomy textbooks.
David Jones, Greensboro
 
No wonder you don't have a sense of humor -- someone removed your funny bone!
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
 
“Where have you been? We stopped making house calls many years ago."
Benita McFarland, Greensboro
 
Oh No, not another hospital gown!
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
 
Let's see- no aural openings, an illuminatory nose, no chestal mamilla, no umbillicus scar, and no sexual determinants,
yet you are in great shape.  Same as your last checkup- clean bill of health!
Mike Perry
 
You’re a walking miracle. Half your organs are missing!
I keep telling you, your health is not a game!
According to your cat scan, half your organs are gone, but I did see a bubblegum wrapper.
Sorry, Sam.  Tried to remove your appendix, but was disqualified by the buzzer!
Kerin Plank, Greensboro
 
It's a Cease and Desist Order addressed to Rickard from the Milton Bradley Copy-write Department.
It's an arrest warrant for indecent exposure.
Henry, Greensboro
 
Caption 1-  "Something is not right with this situation"
Caption 2- Doc: "Where are all the holes?"
Cavity Sam: "What do you mean Doc?"
Doc: "You're definitely Cavity Sam and you are supposed to have holes in your body!"
Cavity Sam: "Someone else said that to me."
"It's a girl!...Or is it?" 
Eleisha Hairston
 
"The x-ray showed a pair of tweezers in your kidneys!"
"Whoever operated on you last was obviously a quack"
"The tests were unable to find a cause for your chronic buzzing."
"I'm sorry, the bad news is you've gotten buzzed a few too many times."
April Ragan, Greensboro
 
You must be the hypochondriac game version. There’s nothing wrong with you.
I’m referring you to Milton Bradley for more testing.
You need to see the specialist at Toys R Us.
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
For emergency contact you listed Milton Bradley.
It says “Batteries not included” in your insurance plan.
Monty Kivett, Winston Salem
Posted by Tim Rickard on Friday, January 20, 2012 at 1:34 pm

January 12, 2012

THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 011312

Some people seem to have not recognized this gentleman as "Cavity Sam" of the game "Operation." Just FYI.

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 011912

 
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
 
His name is Tim.
He came up with a gem.
Joke's On You is its name.
Five years later we all love that game.
Happy Anniversary.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
Thanks, Don! Happy 5th, everyone!
 
 
Follow Brewster Rockit Tweets here at twitter.com/brewsterrockit
 

Also Follow Brewster Rockit here on Facebook

 
 
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON

 
WINNER
Yeah, she's a Rhode Island Red ... from a bottle!
Tim Tribbett
 
RUNNERS-UP
"I would like to get away somewhere but you know I don't fly."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
Sometimes I feel cooped up.
Jon Barsanti Jr., Livermore, CA
 
"I forget--- why DID I cross the road?"
April Ragan, Greensboro
 
So, as I started to cross the street…it hit me ... what REALLY could be on that other side??
Joe Erba, Asheboro
 
I can’t sleep late. My husband wakes me up at the crack of dawn.
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
Just give it a try, unless you’re chicken?
Ella McClellan, Greensboro
 
Why, I'm being courted by a Colonel too!
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
 
JR. WINNER
Where's the little chicken's room?
Madison, Triangle Lake
 
JR RUNNER-UP
Why would you order egg nog?
J.D.W., Frazier
 
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
Way the market's been lately, I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
"I don't care if it will stop a cold, I'm not drinking chicken soup."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
"I'm headed to the gym to work on my giblets."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
He’s so … so … oh, what’s the term for being reluctant to take a chance?
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
I’m not sure you should accept that job offer from KFC.
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
I stopped crossing the road years ago
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
So I told him "Oh no you cock-a-doodle-DON'T!"
Tim Tribbett
 
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I still think Rickard was channeling Bill Waterson last week!
Mike Perry
 
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Really! The Police caught him in a turducken?
Henry, Greensboro
 
… and not only that, cows can’t spell worth a lick either!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
I hear Big Bertha got hired as a temp down at The New Yorker magazine.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
So... I hear you wife is dating foghorn leghorn
SJ Martin, Reidsville
 
I say we knock off that stupid cow!
If I hear “Eat more chicken” again, I’m going to scream!
Someone needs to give those cows a spelling lesson.
Kerin Plank, Greensboro
 
BEST/WORST PUN
"That old biddy said I have a 'fowl' mouth!"
Ray Sullivan, Greensboro
 
My restless egg syndrome has been acting up again!
Tim Tribbett
 
BEST KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cows say.
Cows say who?
No Dearie, cows say moo!
Mike Perry
 
BEST POEMS
His name is Tim .
He came up with a gem.
Joke's On You is its name.
Five years later we all love that game.
Happy Anniversary.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
Said the hen, “I have gotten a notion.
Daily jogging’s a worthy devotion.
    I will start up a group
    From the girls in the coop
And we’ll call ourselves ‘Poultry in Motion’.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
It seems the world can't get enough chicken,
From morn to night the time just keeps on tickin.
    But when Colonel Sanders hit the bucket,
    His many stockholders all said "cluck it",
They knew the world wouldnt stop "finger-licken!"
Mike Perry
 
SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES
Last nite, I was out with this chick, see?
Sharen Abigail Green Monge, Greensboro
 
Submitted by: Kristin Routh, 4th Grade Teacher, Randleman Elementary 
Randleman Elementary in Randleman, fourth grade
Kimberly Martinez W.: "Oh No, we're going to get fried after drinking all of this coffee."
Matthew Kemp: "This coffee makes my stuffing fall out."
-----------------------
Submitted by Louise Monroe
Frazier
Simone: Never go to KFC. They killed our relatives.
Matt C.: This is better than KFC.
Pretty' n' Pink: They have chicken on the menu and this is a pig restaurant.
Brandon: Oh, my! You have a rash on your neck.
Mahogany: I heard there are some pretty hot chicks back at the barn.
J.T.: They say we're some crazy chickens, you know...egg nog.
Unique: I had a good sleep, but I need coffee, not egg nog.
Chase K.: This hot chocolate is cluck-sy.
Louai: What's for dessert? Roasted chicken? Let's get out of here.
J.D.W.: Why would you order egg nog?
Pete: Let's go pick up our friend chickadee in Arizona. But we can't fly. Ohhhhh.
Lil Mama: Go to Turkey. Have fun.
Roy T.: Have you tried the chicken dumplings?
 
Triangle Lake Montessori
Nick T.: Chicken soup....hurtfuuul!
William: Come on. Are you chicken to try your coffee?
Tom: And he said this was espresso!
Chloe: You should have gotten Combited coffee. They say it brings out the good side of your comb.
J.Kate: I think my kids are typewriters from saying ,"chick, chick, chick, chick, chick."
Madison: Where's the little chicken's room?
Courtney: Free chicken.
Jordan: Garfield scratched me last night.
Kalani: I'm taking you to the barber shop.
Chay: Did you hear something last night? I think I heard the bells on the tree talking.
Jade: And he said this was coffee. It tastes like hot cocoa and you know what happens when we animals have things with chocolate!
Gretchen: The turkey said I was a scaredy cat, but I said no, I'm chicken.
Joe: Then Dogbert hit me on the head and I got a bump on my head.
Matthew: Did you remember to bring your comb?
 
Bessemer
Denisea: Hey, while we are drinking this, I am making eggs.
Linda: It's a tragedy! I've been eating....MYSELF!
Natalie: I love the hot cocoa, but I like corny hot cocoa.
Reyna: I love the clu-cluc-clu-coffee. Man, this is hard.
Kayla C.: This is some clucking coffee.
-----------
THE REST
1.) What they're paying me is chicken feed!
2.) That husband of mine keeps waking me at sun rise!
Tim Tribbett
 
It's the farmer's special brew for old brood hens.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
I tell ya, Alice. We loved your hubby's stir fry.  To us he is  now cock-of-the-wok!
Mike Perry
 
We should have gone to "Starclucks", this coffee is horrible
JB, Jamestown
 
"Mmm...this noodle soup is delicious!"
Sally Shank
 
So I told him "Oh no you cock-a-doodle-DON'T!"
Tim Tribbett
 
Oops, gotta go! Those eggs won't lay themselves.
Tim Tribbett
 
I love what you've done with your feathers!
Tim Tribbett
 
My husband runs around like a chicken with his head...well,you know.
Tim Tribbett
 
So, as I started to cross the street…it hit me….what REALLY could be on that other side??
Joe Erba, Asheboro
 
I'm getting tired of working for chicken feed!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Simon says--"--put your wing UP!!!!
--ah ha!- gotcha!
William Fuller, Greensboro
 
Want to go see a good chick flick with me tonight ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Will you be a good egg and leave the tip today ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Way the market's been lately, I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket !
Please tell me that's not egg on your face !
You really should comb before coming to the table !
I might walk slow, but never backwards !
Let's talk some turkey so this will be a tax deduction !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
So, why did the chicken cross the road?
Gary Thomas, Pleasant Garden
 
Since it's 2012, do you think the sky might fall ?
Please, can we enjoy our brew before you start crowing about the grandkids !
Don't get your feathers ruffled, but the Colonel just walked in !
It just taste better in eggshell porcelain, don't you think ?
That candidate really laid an egg in the debate last night !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
And that’s why I crossed the road
mpc
 
Can you believe they're going to start charging for refills ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Even in retirement, I still find myself nodding when the youngsters crow !
The young generation is so lazy, they just nod their heads in the morning !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
If we could teach the hens to lay square eggs, we'd cut down on breakage !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
4:00 am comes mighty early, so I like mine cafinated.
Linda Strader, Greensboro
 
I heard you dated one of those three French hens here for the holidays, Oui ?
Let's toast the first hen to cackle this New Year !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
1. "That old biddy said I have a 'fowl' mouth!"
2. "I declare that Rooster Dude sure has a 'fowl' mouth!"
Ray Sullivan, Greensboro
 
“So, who do YOU think came first…the chicken or the egg”?
Phyllis Compton, Stoneville
 
"Did you hear that martha caught george cheating? Now he's really going to be in the soup?"
Gail Haber, Greensboro
 
"A Coffee Cluck"
"A Chicken Sit"
Stasia Howe, Greensboro
 
"We've got to do something about those Chic-fil-A  ads "!
"Louise, you should hear what they're saying at the Hen House"!
"Emma, have you read about the new Multi-Lay egg vitamins ?"
 Len Capel, Troy
 
Mr Perdue is really upset. I heard him say, heads will roll.
Zanzella Savoy, Greensboro
 
"First it was 'the sky is falling' and now it is 'eat more chicken.'"
Dale Haynes, Greensboro
 
"This human broth should help your cold."
 Phil Valla, Greensboro
 
"Girl, This is sooo much better than chicken soup."
Linda Reynolds, Eden
 
“I’m leaving.  If I’m not back by Easter….go ahead and hide the eggs.”
Dr. Lewis G. Franklin, Graham
 
So what's the latest on Turkeys Got Talent?
Rachel, Greensboro
 
"So Lucy thinks Earl is cheating on her, because 
Ruby saw him crossing the road to meet Joan."
Su Welikonich, Greensboro
 
I'm almost afraid to leave the coup with all those 'Eat More Chicken' ads everywhere you look.
The Famous San Diego Chicken
In Hiding, USA???
 
I admit it. My husband is hen pecked.
2.) This chicken crossed the road for some juicy gossip!
Tim Tribbett 
 
"I Don't Care if it IS on Oprah's reading list; I will NOT read 'Chicken Soup For The Soul'!"
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
Your gossip is the wind beneath my wings.
2.) Yeah, she's a Rhode Island Red...from a bottle!
Tim Tribbett
 
1. "What say we check out the espresso across the road?"
2. "Did the egg at the back table get here before we did?"
3. "I'm just going to get caffeinated enough to outrun the rooster."
4. "If Gertrude joins us we'll have a clutch klatch."
5. "Should we take some fresh-brewed back to the brood?"
6. "If it weren't for these coffee breaks, I'd be too pooped to...you know."
Scott Tredwell, Advance, NC
 
Be careful not to burn your lips!  
Susan Samuelson, Greensboro
 
"I just have that recurring nightmare about Colonel Sanders coming to get me."
"Forget Wall Street, let's occupy Chik-fil-a!"
"I've always wanted to be a free range chicken, I've just never had the time.
"I say tomorrow we stage a coup to free the coupe."
Anderson Ragan, Greensboro
 
There's just black coffee for breakfast.  I didn't get up early enough to fix the eggs.
Judy Burroughs, Summerfield
 
"Tell me again...Why did Harry cross the road?"
Tim Doyle, Stokesdale
 
I'b told it tastes just like chicked soup, but what do I doe, I hab a code.
Marcia Minsky, Communications Officer, THE Official Brewster Rockit Club, Camarillo, CA
 
1.I think I know who's been poaching the eggs.
2.I followed the money trail. One cup of this, and the middle man is history!
3.I've only been working here for a month, and I've already traded the coop for a coupe!
4.If I don't have my coffee , I'm not that productive.
5.I'm worried about getting layed off.
6.I was told to stay here, and sooner or later the missing eggs will turn up.
7.Just give it a try, unless your chicken?
8.I was tired of being cooped up!
9 The chef said he has a work space with my name written all over it!
Ella McClellan, Greensboro
 
"you were right...if we crossed the road the coffee would be better."
Sherry Chappell, Greensboro
 
"Okay, I was wrong last time, but I am sure the sky is falling in 2012."
 Michael Gilles, Graham
 
Occupy KFC are you crazy!
Tony Hutchens, Reidsville
 
Great party last night.  The accordianist played "The Chicken Dance."
I can top that -- my daughter is taking advanced clucking lessons.
I miss the old Dick Tracy cartoon with the chicken eating buttons.
If she says the sky is falling one more time .....
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
"We have to start offering "Cow Nuggets" immediately. Our time is short.
Luther Jackson, Stoneville
 
I'm torn between Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts.
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
Let's talk to our Union. No more de-caf!
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
Those bugs I gave you were made from scratch.
Tim Tribbett
 
1.) When Junior misbehaves I give him a chick flick!
2.) Why does everything taste like us?
3.) They're so cute when they're eggs!
4.) My restless egg syndrome has been acting up again!
Tim Tribbett
 
I’m telling you, those cows are up to something.
John Wise
 
The secret to good cooking is to make everything from scratch
Tim Tribbett
 
"Col. Kadafi, schmafi--when are they gonna get Sanders?
April Ragan, Greensboro
 
“I almost got the job, but all I could do was hunt and peck.”
“I know why THAT chick crosses the road..”
“Did you know that Martha Poulot used to be a rooster?”
Jeri Donnelly, Browns Summit
 
"You're her favorite.  Every time I'M around Mom, she clucks with disapproval."
"Best part is, she thinks I'm a doctor.  Must be my chicken scratch.'
"Yessiree, you're the talk of the henhouse right now, stud muffin."
"Yup, the hens are saying you just  act a little too cocky..."
"Rumor at the henhouse is...you're a little bit cocky."
"Don't mean to ruffle your feathers, but I hear you're next up at the slaughterhouse."
"No, dummy.  Being fed extra corn mush is NOT a sign of economic recovery."
"Don't mean to ruffle your feathers, but your head's on the chopping block at work."
Kris Voy,Trinity
 
1.We made it though Thanksgiving, Christmas and the new year. We still have the Super Bowl to contend with.
2.This coffee makes me hot under the wings.
3.Don't look for a worm in that cup. It's too hot.
Bruce McClellan Greensboro
 
1.I'm laying out today
2.Now that I have an empty nest, it's me time.
3.Coffee really motivates me. My kids crack me up every day!
Ella McClellan Greensboro
 
This is chicken soup? who'd they use, Cock Robin?
Marcia Minsky
Communications Officer, THE (only) Official Brewster Rockit Fan Club Camarillo, CA
 
So you think "Eat More Hamburger" will really help our business?
Bob Gerber, Greensboro
 
"So if I outdrink you, I'll be at the top of the drinking order."
"Look, I'll call you a chicken to your face."
"I'm headed to the gym to work on my giblets."
"I hate to cut this short but I have roads to cross."
"I don't care if it will stop a cold, I'm not drinking chicken soup."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
2. The yolks on you!
3. Let's talk turkey!
4. What you got to crow about?
5. It's so cold, my hens stopped laying!
5. I 'm not henpecked!
6. You're a big chicken, just tell her how you feel!
7. I wish they'd stop paying us chicken feed!
8. Let's not order eggs!
9. I ordered the Corn Flakes!
10. I need the caffeine, my farmer wants a 4 AM Wake Up crow!
11. Farmer Brown's snoring wakes me up too early every morning!
12. If I don't get those hens laying more, the farmer's going to wring my neck!
13. I scratched off my ticket and won two bags of feed! 14. What does eggs over easy mean?
Nancy Nelson
 
"Why did the bartender call this a marinade?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
If the roosters had their way we wouldn't have any more egg drop soup!
Drew Eiker
 
When that Sanders guy recruited Sylvester, we didn't know it was for a batch of extra crispy!
Drew Eiker
 
"5 Years old you say?Well you know were're not spring chickens any more."
Ray Faust, Greensboro
 
These roosters are definitely talking politics..."Yeah...I know who's President.  But the sky is not falling!"
Fran, Gso
 
" I just died when Henry ordered the chicken and dumplings last week! "
"In my opinion, the chicken came first, then the egg."
Tommy Poole, Thomasville
 
…and not only that, cows can’t spell worth a lick either!
I hear Big Bertha got hired as a temp down at The New Yorker magazine.
My husband also likes to get up at the crack of dawn. I just wish I wouldn’t tell everyone about it when he does.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
I thought I'd never find a sitter for my eggs.
Tim Tribbett
 
Please, stop staring out the window for those three French hens !
Taste good, but the new prices will pluck us clean !
Miss Manners said nothing about wings, just elbows !
Is it too early for me to ask you to be my Valentine ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Is this what they call a hen party?
Heard the latest sqawk?
No more thanks - it plays havok with my egg-shells.
Saw her with that rooster again last night.
She's just feathering her nest with him.
Up at 4.30 he was this morning - strutting around
I can ony manage once every two days now
I said to her 'You're no chicken'
And they complain about Soylent Green
I'm parched - wish I had an opposable  thumb!
Keith Peddie, Greensboro
 
What a great weekly serial the Joke's on You has turned out to be. Its good exercise for my lazy brain.
Thank you, Don Rankin
Thank YOU, Don!
 
Look, here comes the Sun !
Is it rising or setting ?
Those political debates are all horse feathers to me !
No more worms for me, I'm retired !
I might strut slow, but never backwards !
Can you believe she strutted right pass us without speaking ?
All those candidates really strut one's stuff, don't they ?
I always pass on egg nog and egg beaters too !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
If we are supposed to be chickens, we sure are ugly ones.
Put on your track shoes, there is a new rooster in the barn yard.
Eat More Beef.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
Junior won first place in the Easter egg roll!
Tim Tribbett
 
She thought it was hers but I said"Leggo my eggo!".
Tim Tribbett
 
Junior cracked his egg Tebowing!
Tim Tribbett
 
Let's each grab the server by a leg and make a wish.
Scott Tredwell, Advance, NC
 
Get this one-"The wizard of oz is one becaws: becaw, becaw, becaw, becaw, be-cawwwwwwwwwwwws!"
Mike Perry
 
Don't you get it? ... To get to the other side!
Think we can talk the cow into some cream?
So, have the pigs said anything about being the "other" white meat?
Naw, nothing happened, that rooster's all crow and no doodle doo.
Les Thomas, Sterling Va
 
"I finally found a place where I can be president."
"I said I needed PAC money so they sent me to the South Pacific."
Jim Cavanaugh, Portland, OR
 
1. “You’ve got to be careful dating someone you just met online. What kind of name is KFC anyway?”
2. “I heard if egg production doesn’t pick up someone’s getting the axe.”
3. “The Holsteins just opened a new restaurant and invited us over for the grand opening.”
4. “Sorry I missed your play last night. I don’t think people can blame you for laying an egg.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
 
Ya know, with this recession, it's hard to just scratch out a living!
Mike Perry, Eden
 
We're not technologically inclined; all we can do is hunt and peck!
Mike Perry
 
I still think Rickard was channeling Bill Waterson last week!
Mike Perry
 
It's so embarrassing; he clucks, but with a speech impediment!
Mike Perry
 
We used to role play: He was Cluck Gable and
I was Lauren Bacaw!
Mike Perry, Eden
 
"Is Harry bringing anybody to the wedding?"
"I don't think so."
"Is he seeing anybody?"
"He was seeing this anthropologist, but..."
"What's she look like?"
"Thin. Pretty. Big breasts. Your basic nightmare."
steve turner
 
1. Seriously, if a duck can make a ton of money running around saying "AFLAC", then we can too!
2. I just wish I could sleep late just ONE morning a week!
Bob Langlais, Kernersville
 
The farmer brewed it for old brood hens.
Not a kaffeeklatsch, it's a kaffeekluck.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
EAT MOR BEEF
Roberta Newton, Greensboro
 
Don't even think about ordering the chicken and waffles!
So......i hear you wife is dating foghorn leghorn
SJ Martin, Reidsville
 
"My husband always has to have control of the clucker."
"Don't look now but there's an older gentleman with a white suit and string bow tie staring at us."
"I accidentally hit the snooze on my husband."
"What a morning. It took me forever to get the kids to boil.
"I'm just afraid Tom finds me to tough to be a fricassee anymore."
"I've been scrambling my brains on how to tell Sue it's over, E. Z."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
I'm on the corn only diet. No BGH. No hormones.
I stopped crossing the road years ago
I can't believe you ordered eggs over easy.
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
"Oh waiter, there's a feather in my coffee."
"So....will you be crossing the road today?"
"What do you call this place again?....Chick-Fil-A?"
"I hope Perdue does not win re-election, could be bad for us chickens."
"Cluck....Cluck....Bak....Bak."
"Yep...Hazel flew the coop again!"
Stephen Parsons, Kernersville
 
"My wife suspects it's you because there was no lipstick on the pillow."
"I know you don't trust Ralph but I think he's a fox."
"I nag Bob constantly but I never, ever peck him."
"I lie about my weight but I know I'm frying size."
"I would like to get away somewhere but you know I don't fly."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
"I don't know Marge, it just seems like Billy won't come out of his shell."
"We have the nursery painted for a medium brown but what if it's a large white?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
Why, I'm being courted by a Colonel too! 
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
 
I just have to have my coffee before i can get that egg out.
Anita Guill, Reidsville
 
Our sunrise duty goes better after we wet our whistles, don't you agree ?
It's good cause it's made from scratch !
I hear it's good to the last peck !
Let's comb through the details again before making a decision, OK ?
Telll me again, why'd you cross the road ?
Don't look now, but someone let Fox News come in !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Don't get your feathers all in a ruffle over a little price increase, OK ?
This cup will tickle your crawl more than a feather !
Think I'll just wing it today !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
"We already have a medium brown so we're trying for a large white."
"My husband and I have decided that we don't want to know the grade of the egg."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
I turned down the job. The salary was chicken feed.
Sometimes I feel hen-pecked.
Sometimes I feel cooped up.
I hate the pecking order at the office.
I am retired. I put together quite a nest egg before the recession.
Jon Barsanti Jr., Livermore, CA
 
"So, What's clucking with you?"
"You know things are getting a little fowl around here!"
Don R. Massenburg, Greensboro
 
So, why do YOU think the chicken crossed the road?
I highly recommend breast reduction surgery!
I say we knock off that stupid cow!
If I hear “Eat more chicken” again, I’m going to scream!
Someone needs to give those cows a spelling lesson.
Kerin Plank, Greensboro
 
It's none of their business why we cross the road!
Tim Tribbett
 
I just have a bad feeling about this colonel you met online.
Tim Tribbett
 
"You know, your add on match.com said you were more the Foghorn-Leghorn type."
Mark Prevette, Lexington
 
I wish my husband would get another job; all he makes is chicken feed!
Lynda Perry, Eden
 
Ya know Gladys, sometimes I have these latent pterodactyl tendencies!
Mike Perry
 
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cows say.
Cows say who?
No Dearie, cows say moo!
Mike Perry
 
Why did Beethoven sell his chickens?
Because all they said was Bach, Bach, Bach!
Mike Perry
 
"You think YOUR chick is cute - well you should see MINE "
Barbara, Greensboro
 
Teenagers! I caught him reading the Forsyth Fowl Fanciers newsletter.
Really! The Police caught him in a turducken?
Henry, Greensboro
 
You have to try their omelets, best in town I tell you.
Sorry my husband isn't here, but he refused to cross the road.
David Core, Greensboro
 
This time of year you’ve got to watch out for that bunny stealing your eggs.
Chicken soup for a cold?!? Are you some kind of cannibal?!?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
"Silly me--I thought 'free-range' meant I was getting a new stove!"
"I forget--why DID I cross the road?"
"It seems all chicks talk about these days is Occupy KFC"
April Ragan, Greensboro
 
My hubbie got fired. Seems Farmer Brown went
techno- "Tick-tock-a-doodle-dooooo!"
Mike Perry
 
I don't remember you ever being happy. Have you ever?
Yes,once.  It goes back to the time I got laid.
Mike Perry
 
'I hate I have to cross the road to get here.'
Jeanette Bowling, Eden
 
"I hear they cook from scratch here"
Jeanette Bowling, Eden
 
"I  hate I have to cross the road to get here"
Jeanette Bowling, Eden
 
Lighten up, girl! Easter is twelve weeks away!
Nelson Harrill, Greensboro 
 
"If we're going to stoop to advertising by billboards, let's at least use SpellCheck." 
"I've been dreading this;...last night Bobby asked me where eggs come from."
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
"Foghorn Leghorn, Daffy Duck, and Mother Goose walk into a bar..."  
"So why DID you cross the road?"
"Around here, WE hide the eggs for Easter."
"Stop me if you've heard this one; Colonel Sanders, Popeye, and a Buffalo walk into a bar.  A chicken is bartending.  Buffalo says "How'd you get them wings?' "  (can be followed with Pah-Dum-CHing)
"So you almost crossed the road, but you peopled out!!"
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
"...then she told me she is just Big Boned! Ha, I don't even think she's a natural redhead!" 
"He said my handwriting is like Chicken Scratch.  Duh!"
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
"Last night, my Chicken Little said the cutest thing. When it started raining, he said, 'Mama!! the Sky if Falling!' "
"Do you think it's wierd that I've been dreaming about Rachel Ray?"
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
"I think my Bobby is going through a rebellious stage.  The song he wrote last night is called 'Killing Two Birds With One Stone.' "
"Britney's eggs have come out so pickled lately that Farmer John is sending her to a Free Range."
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
"Roger brought home an R-Rated film last night. It's called "A Bird In The Hand...' ."
"Paula Dean & Rachel Ray walked into a bar...  so we Ran Away!!"
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
"Do you think it's OK if I dress the kids in camouflauge for Easter?" 
"Uhh, Ruby...what was the word BEFORE  bouillon on what we're drinking?"
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
"Becky, what were you both talking about when he called you a chicken?"
"When he said 'You're Chicken!', what was his tone like?"
"When he said 'You're Chicken!', was he crowing louder than usual?"
"Hon, there's sometimes when Being A Chicken is a good thing!"
"I heard the Grocer say last week that he was a Leg man, but that he's pretty sure his son is a Breast man...I don't think he plans on being a doctor."
"We had to block the Food Channel; I heard Bobby arguing with Penny about having Tasty Thighs."
"We had to block the Food Channel. Last week, Bobby asked me why I never serve omelet's."
"We had to block the Food Channel.  Suzie woke up screaming something about Egg Drop Soup and Don't Fry Me, Don't Fry Me."
"We had to block the Food Channel.  The School Principal sent me a note with Sue's homework, and on the back she had been practicing 'Mrs. Bobby Flay.  Mrs. Emeril Lagasse, Mrs. Colonal Sanders'...."
CC  Cockerham, Greensboro
 
You’re so naieve. “Hot Wings” is not a compliment.
I’m not sure you should accept that job offer from KFC.
He’s so … so … oh, what’s the term for being reluctant to take a chance?
I can’t sleep late. My husband wakes me up at the crack of dawn.
Bill Wallace, High Point

 
Posted by Tim Rickard on Thursday, January 12, 2012 at 6:16 pm

January 5, 2012

THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 010612

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 011312
 
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
 
Next Friday will be the Jokes On You’s 5th anniversary, so we’re going to do things a bit different. Feel free to add to your entry any comments or questions about JOU. I may use/answer them next week.
 
Follow Brewster Rockit Tweets here at twitter.com/brewsterrockit
 

Also Follow Brewster Rockit here on Facebook

 
 
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON

 
WINNER
I don’t like the way that cat’s looking at us.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
RUNNERS-UP
"Now, on the count of three, everyone lean the tree back to the left."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
"I just feel stuck, like I'm going nowhere in life..."
 Kris Voy, Trinity
 
So that's what mistletoe does.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
"Oh No! Some fool gave him a baseball bat!"
Bob Gerber, Greensboro
 
All those nativity ornaments think they are sooo special.
Mike Perry
 
Hey, the tree needs water!
Tim Tribbett
 
Just keep thinking outside the box!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
"Ohhh... I see the advantage of being plastic."
Camille Ford, Greensboro
 
Here comes that cat!
Betty Hobbs
 
JR. WINNER
My New Year's resolution is to get off this boring tree.
Princess Mdiva, Triangle Lake
 
JR RUNNER-UPS
Uh oh, it's the storage boxes! Another 11 months in the attic!
Jack Allen, age 11. Greensboro
 
Check out my birthmark!
Nick T, Triangle Lake
 
Hoo, boy, here comes the baby.
Joe, Triangle Lake
 
Oh, no! Here comes the cat!
Tom, Triangle Lake
 
Does this tree make me look fat?
Jordan, Triangle Lake
 
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
Are we supposed to take ourselves down?
Tim Tribbett
 
Hey, it's March! We better be getting overtime!
Tim Tribbett
 
Here comes that cat again!
Glenda Layton, Carthage
 
We need something full time instead of these temporary gigs!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Uh-oh! This year the kid can walk - and he's headed this way!
E. T. Edwards, Greensboro
 
BEST INSIDE JOKE
The red stripe? That's where a space squid got me.
Henry, Greensboro.
 
It’s not fair! If there can be Donut People, there can be Ornament People too!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Hey, at least our being around two weeks means Tim’s not re-re-running Father Time talking to Baby New Year.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Last week North Pole. Next week Baby New Year and Father Time...
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
Hey man, what's wrong? Nothing to say? Oh, your mouth is missing!
Meschell Wilson, Greensboro
 
Oh, look-Santa left Mike a "Best of Tim Rickard" book! Well, he does like fiction.
6:30 a. m. and still no Santa- I beginning to think he didn't solve the elf boycott!
Mike Perry
 
I was going to ask you a question, but without a mouth, how ya gonna answer?
Hey Rickert, ya goofed, the deadlines NEXT year.
Marcia Minsky, Communications Officer for The OFFICIAL Brewster Rocket Fan Club Camarillo, CA
 
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Oh no! Is that the annoying orange?
Cooper Allen, age 6. Greensboro
 
"For the love of Pete, Christmas Story is coming on again."
"Ever notice how the mom doesn't even check on Scott Farkus after Ralphie beats the snot out of him?"
"I find tinsel...distracting." (Frank Costanza on the virtues of Festivus.)
"The little lights aren't twinkling Clark."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
Cue little Jimmy Boyd to sing "I Saw Mommy . . ."
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
Look, that's Bert the chimney sweep dressed up like Santa!
Wonder who''ll be here this year? Tim Allen, Sebastian Cabot, Jim Varney, Jim Carrey,Whoopi Goldberg...ya just never know.
Mike Perry
 
You keep an eye on the Grinch and I’ll go get Cindy Lou.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Heard the Mayans said this will be the last one !
Could be a Titanic Year like 1912, don't you think ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Boss, de sleigh ,de sleigh!
Tim Tribbett
 
BEST/WORST PUN
He's going to have surgery to remove his tinsels.
There goes the sleighborhood!
They're taking his tinsels out!
It's a confused PETA protester picketing our fir.
Tim Tribbett
 
"Hmmm.. those icicles over there certainly have potinsel."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
BEST POEMS
A muonic ornament tree hugger is a microenviromental,
And a Japanese preggers is  called an oriental placental.
    And a huge religious fanatic
    A sort of Bollywood dramatic
Is a monumental subcontinental fundamental.
(lets's see you do better; this crap ain't easy!)
Mike Perry
OK, this one may even have outdone our poet laureate, Mr. Sheldon
 
Said the ornament ball, “Don’t you know
That our lives are incredibly slow.
    We fill kids up with glee
    While we’re hung on a tree,
Then it’s back in the attic we go.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES
Uh oh, it's the storage boxes! Another 11 months in the attic!
Jack Allen, age 11. Greensboro
 
Oh no! Is that the annoying orange?
Cooper Allen, age 6. Greensboro
 
Submitted by Louise Monroe
Triangle Lake Montessori
Nick T.: Check out my birthmark!
William: You are golden minded.
J.Kate: What is wrong with us? We are planets, and we are on a tree!
Angela: Oh, no! It's Santa!
Chay: Look, they're playing the song "Jingle Bells."
Princess Mdiva: My New Year's resolution is to get off this boring tree.
Joe: Hoo, boy, here comes the baby.
Kalani: They gave him a gift card for a hardware store? Oh, wow!
Jade: Did I ever tell you that I am afraid of heights?
Tom: Oh, no! Here comes the cat!
Jordan: Does this tree make me look fat?
-----------
THE REST
Wouldja look at the balls on that one!
Mike Perry
 
Oh look at that tree. Those aren't real, just ornamental!
Watch this. When he walks backwards he goes OH OH OH!
I'm tired of hanging around. Let's blow this popsicle stand!
All those nativity ornaments think they are soooooooooooo special.
Why is he cracked and dented and so dull? It's Methuselah's first ornament, that's why!
Mike Perry
 
So that's what mistletoe does.
Cue little Jimmy Boyd to sing "I Saw Mommy . . ."
The cat's ready to pounce on the Tweety Bird ornament.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
Oh, just like you. I’m hanging out...
I don’t like the way that cat’s looking at us.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Hey man, what's wrong? Nothing to say? Oh, your mouth is missing!
Meschell Wilson, Greensboro
 
"Ok, I'll say it for you...he has gained weight."
"I know what you're thinking...he's gonna get stuck one year in that chimney"
"I know what you're thinking....the snacking has gotten out of hand"
"And he talks about 'naughty'!"
"What would Mrs. Claus think?"
"Naughty is as naughty does..."
Happy Holidays, Tim!
Deborah Ford
 
Here comes that cat!
Betty Hobbs
 
"Ohhh... I see the advantage of being plastic."
Camille Ford, Greensboro
 
"Are we sure the nutcrackers should be used like that?"
Camille Ford, Greensboro
 
"Looking at those cookies makes me feel empty inside."
Camille Ford, Greensboro
 
"Oh No! Some fool gave him a baseball bat!"
Bob Gerber, Greensboro
 
Uh oh! Here come the boxes. Let's make a run for it!
Carolyn Cox
 
Oh my! Santa's really enjoying the milk and cookies!
Kim Dillard, Eden
 
Is that mama kissing Santa Clause?
Kim Dillard, Eden
 
1.) He is soooooo busted!
2.) He's going to have surgery to remove his tinsels.
Tim Tribbett
 
I'll give you my money just take that gun outta my back!
Tim Tribbett
 
I saw mama kissing Santa Clause!
Kim Dillard, Eden
 
Uh-oh! This year the kid can walk - and he's headed this way!
E. T. Edwards, Greensboro
 
Oh no, it’s the cat! Remember, “BE” the tree.
Joey Harding
 
Here comes that cat again!
Glenda Layton, Carthage
 
Watch out for the kid with the baseball bat.
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
I bet that angel's under the mistletoe on purpose.
Ken Layton, Carthage
 
There goes the sleighborhood!
Tim Tribbett
 
Who do they think they're kidding with an artifical tree?
Tim Tribbett
 
They're taking his tinsels out!
Tim Tribbett
 
"Mom hung the stockings by the chimney with care, while some kid just threw us up here!"
"Yeah, I'm just having a ball hanging out up here..."
"What happened to an old-fashioned evergreen?  This rotating thing's making me dizzy."
"What IS Mommy doing to Santa Claus?!?"
"I'm tired of being just another pretty face..."
" I coulda made more of my life.  The star made it all the way to the top..."
"I just feel stuck, like I'm going nowhere in life..."
"Remember the excitement last year when the dog ingested Uncle Vinny and died?"
"This is NOT a Christmas tree, remember?  It's a holiday conifer..."
 Kris Voy, Trinity
 
Kudos to Hank Ketchum for "hanging around" for 60 years!
Mike Perry
 
What am I doing since Christmas, oh....just hanging around for a week or so!
Mike Perry
 
Now that's ironic. A tree hugger ornament!
Lookie there- that ain't Santa Clause mama's kissin'!
Mike Perry
 
Look, that's Bert the chimney sweep dressed up like Santa!
Those chestnuts are gonna do more than just pop tonight. 
Oh, look-Santa left Mike a "Best of Tim Rickard" book! Well, he does like fiction.
6:30 a. m. and still no Santa- I beginning to think he didn't solve the elf boycott!
Look, they're taking up the lawn ornaments.  Just a matter of town for us.
Oh geez, here comes the dog again!
Wonder who''ll be here this year? Tim Allen, Sebastian Cabot, Jim Varney, Jim Carrey,Whoopi Goldberg...ya just never know.
Mike Perry
 
"Hey buddy, welcome to the company. Sorry about your mouth, but this is your first company Christmas party and they can't take any chances."
Zanzella Foster Savoy, Greensboro
 
OH NO! I saw mama kissing Santa Clause.
Leslie Rhodes
 
I'm a retro-grouch.  Muttonchops are in.
Henry, Greensboro
 
I said "Sure, cut the top, not cut the tonsure."
Henry, Greensboro
 
I wish I could get the star treatment!
Tim Tribbett
 
That was OFF THE HOOK!
Tim Tribbett
 
Everyone iin my family's a hooker.
Tim Tribbett
 
You keep an eye on the Grinch and I’ll go get Cindy Lou.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
I spy with my little eye something jolly.
Tim Tribbett
 
Good grief, someone PLEASE help him wrap that gift!
Tim Tribbett
 
It’s not fair! If there can be Donut People, there can be Ornament People too!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Hey, at least our being around two weeks means Tim’s not re-re-running Father Time talking to Baby New Year.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Last week North Pole. Next week Baby New Year and Father Time...
I had a ball yesterday. How about you?
Let's see if they let us make it to the 12th day of Christmas.
I see lots of football in our future.
I think I'll hang around a few more days.
How long until she gives that doll a "Toy Story 2" make-over?
Ouch. He missed that Lambeau Leap...
I thought those Madden Turkeys were fake!
Oh, no he didn't.... He went back for thirds......
Man, Santa really does have a bowlful of jelly... and yams, and turkey, and mashed potatoes....
Noooo..... It's too early for the box..... 
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
"Every year, this tree says the same joke - I'll be there with bells on."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
 
Wow, that really is some gay apparel he's donning.
Tim Tribbett
 
These new ones, they get so fussed over, go to the top so quickly, and when they fall, they get shattered.
MIke Perry
 
It's hard to feel beautiful when you're kept in the dark most of the year.
Mike Perry
 
"For the love of Pete, Christmas Story is coming on again."
"Ever notice how the mom doesn't even check on Scott Farkus after Ralphie beats the snot out of him?"
"I find tinsel...distracting." (Frank Costanza on the virtues of Festivus.)
"Well, it's time to start the after- Christmas dieting."
"For some reason, only the ones with the long hair do anything."
"The little lights aren't twinkling Clark."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
Think we can hang out here till that big ball drops in the Big Apple ?
Eyes right, they're coming to put us away !
Just keep thinking outside the box !
Long as they're watching those bowl ball games, I think we are OK !
It's hard to have a vision when our days are numbered !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
We need something full time instead of these temporary gigs !
It's always a ball hanging out with you for the holidays !
The lights will be going out for us soon after they light that eighth candle !
Let's slip out and go bowling tonight !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
"Now, on the count of three, everyone lean the tree back to the left."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
The red stripe? That's where a space squid got me.
Henry, Greensboro.
 
Looks like the eggnog has given them a hangover, that means we get to hang around too !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
"Tim only does that when he's listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22ltlLZkFlE"
- steve turner
( personal note: hey tim, why not?  do it!)
 
Shut your eyes, 2012 looks terrible !
They're looking at the Star, not us !
I'd rather hang here than go into another election year !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
The new one looks like Lady Ga Ga, lot of paint and make-up.
That happens when you hang by your head year after year.
She looks like she has been through one to many trimming.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
That's not her natural color. 
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
 
Looks like a hung jury on if and when we are going down !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Look out!  He got a new air soft gun and he's pointing it this way!
Beth Allen, Greensboro

He gave her a vacuum??  No Christmas cookie for him!
Peter Allen, Greensboro
 
We get to hang around longer since they begin saying Happy Holidays !
Wonder if these bowl games make more money than a play-off would ?
Glad to see the old man go, but his young replacement doesn't look too promising either !
Heard the Mayans said this will be the last one !
Could be a Titanic Year like 1912, don't you think ?
Heard the tree is going to the lake bottom, think we should tag along ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
I bet we're still hanging around on January 25th.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ... Hold On ! It's Here !
Is that a Mayan Calendar they're hanging up ?
Well, we survived New Year's, what's next ?
I'm ready to go home now, how about you ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Lets all sing Jingle Balls.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
Here comes Ruby the Red nosed Christmas Ball.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
Those didn't sound like very Christmasy words!
Tim Tribbett
 
It's a confused PETA protester picketing our fir.
Tim Tribbett
 
Hey, it's March! We better be getting overtime!
Tim Tribbett
 
Then she puts valentine stickers on us, then shamrock stickers, then bunny rabbit stickers . . . .
Joan Lux, Greensboro
 
Hey, the tree needs water!
Tim Tribbett
 
I was going to ask you a question, but without a mouth, how ya gonna answer?
Hey Rickert, ya goofed, the deadlines NEXT year.
Marcia Minsky, Communications Officer for The OFFICIAL Brewster Rocket Fan Club Camarillo, CA
 
I guess glass ornaments shouldn't throw stones either.
2.) Hey kid, that's not the real Santa!
Tim Tribbett
 
Are we supposed to take ourselves down?
Tim Tribbett
 
1.) Hey doofus, the lights go on first!
2.) Boss, de sleigh ,de sleigh!
Tim Tribbett
 
Uh oh,he bought her a vacuum!
Tim. Tribbett
 
My New Year's Resolution is to just keep hanging on, what's yours ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
Do you hear what I hear?
Marcia Minsky, Communications Officer THE Official Brewster Rockit Fan Club, Camarillo, CA
 
Hi ho,hi ho it's back in the box we go!
Tim Tribbett
 
We started the "Occupy Tree" movement first!
Tim Tribbett
 
Augh, he gave her a Thigh Master! RUN YOU FOOL!
Tim Tribbett
 
"Hmmm.. those icicles over there certainly have potinsel."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
Hang on.Here comes snap, crackle, and POP.
Quick..hide. Here comes that dreaded cat.
See I told you Santa was real.
Keep alert. That cat's around here somewheres.
They just said, "Happy New Year". That means we're back in the box.
Well its Hibernation time for another year.
Look your best. I hear they may go artificial next year.
Gerald A. Smith, Greensboro
 
1. “They haven’t even taken down their Halloween decorations.”
2. “Look at them ignoring us! They couldn’t keep their eyes off us a couple weeks ago.”
3. “Remember; never make eye contact with the cat.”
4. “Let’s take their gifts, grab the car keys and head for Vegas.”
5. “I think that clown's mocking us.”
6. “I just assumed those gifts were for us.”
7. “This can’t be good, the attic door is open.”
8. "Santa!?"
Tom Norman, Greensboro

 
Posted by Tim Rickard on Thursday, January 5, 2012 at 7:13 pm

December 22, 2011

THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 122311

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 010512

 
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
 
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
There’ll be no more Jokes On You until after the new year. But be sure to check out our yearly round-up of this year’s best Jokes On You Cartoons in the News & Record on Thursday, Dec. 29!
 

 

Follow Brewster Rockit Tweets here at twitter.com/brewsterrockit

 

Also Follow Brewster Rockit here on Facebook

 
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON

WINNER
OCCUPY NORTH POLE
Zanzella Foster Savoy, Greensboro (The first to send this one in.)
 
RUNNERS-UP
"No overtime pay - no toys in the sleigh!!!"
Darlene Dyer, Reidsville
 
No more candy canings!
Tim Tribbett
 
Shorter Hours for Shorter People
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Livermore, CA
 
Santa has no Elf-respect!
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
No Foreign Elves
Made In The North Pole
Florence Barakat, Greensboro
 
"No toymaking without representation."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
We want Christmas off!!
Nancy Nelson
 
More Dough, Dough, Dough!
Less Ho, Ho, Ho!
Mike Perry Eden
 
MILK AND COOKIES FOR THE HELPERS!
Don Rankin, Greensboro
 
JR. WINNER
We're not small, we're fun sized.
Gretchen, Triangle Lake
 
JR RUNNER-UPS
"More Pay or No Sleigh"
Alyssa Olmedo, Age 7
 
Raise or South Pole.
Matt C, Frazier
 
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
You're on OUR naughty list!
Tim Tribbett
 
LESS HO, MORE DOUGH!
Tim Tribbett
 
Santa outsources to the South Pole!
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
No more cleaning up after Reindeer!
Mike Perry, Eden
 
BEST INSIDE JOKE
All I want for Christmas is for my pal in the back to have facial features.
Steve Nance, Gibsonville
 
Whole faces for ALL elves!!!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
Roll out Red Carpet for Us Too!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
 
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Elfyourself.com unfair to gnomes!
Mike Perry
 
"We need a dentist here."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Maybe Hermey?
 
"Bumble for President."
"No forced choir practice."
"Don't outsource to the Island of Misfit toys."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
 
No more Gene Autry!
Free Legolas!
Nibelungs For Hire!
Mike Perry, Eden
 
BEST CHINESE LANGUAGE CAPTION
罷工
Henry, Greensboro
 
BEST/WORST PUN
“We’re picketing for higher elf esteem.”
Jim Ertner, Greensboro
 
We demand hire elf esteem!
Mike Perry, Eden
 
Santa has no Elf-respect!
Bill Wallace, High Point
 
BEST POEMS/HAIKUS
Authoring Space Guy,
Draws this, edits our Captions
Rickard's got it made!
Mike Perry
 
“We’re on strike!” all of Santa’s elves snort.
“We need much more financial support!
    All the bankers just groan
    When we ask for a loan
When we say we’re a little bit short!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
 
T'was Christmas Eve in our home
Grandma and I were there all alone
When all at once there arose such a clatter,
I thought Grandma was snoring, so I threw my shoe at her
I sprang to the window as fast as I could,
Five minutes later there I stood.
What to my watering eyes should appear?
Nothing my glasses were still in my chair.
I could not see Him but I heard him say,
Merry Christmas Old Folks on this great day.
You may be young or you may be old,
and no matter what you have been told,
there is one thing I know to be true
old Santa will always come to see you.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
Great Grandpa (81)
 
SANTA IS UNFAIR AND CRUEL
HE FEEDS US NOTHING BUT GRUEL.
    HE FLIES ONE NIGHT A YEAR,
    HAS A THING FOR REINDEER,
HE'S REALLY NOT A DEAR, BUT A TOOL!
Mike Perry, Eden
 
Through the year we put lots of toys on the shelves,
But its high time that we all think of ourselves.
No more tanks, guns or dolls
For Toys R Us at the malls,
Until management pays more to us Elves!
 
Legolas may be taller and more pretty,
Even Buddy remains thought of as witty,
Nibelung from the Norse
Even Gimli on a horse;
Mike Perry, Eden
 
1.Being cold is getting old!
   We took a vote, it's for the best.
   Relocate to Key West!
2.No more fruit cakes
   We want juicy steaks!!!
3.Our Christmas bonus is upon us
   We wont be seen without our green!
4.Your in the red, we want our green!
Ella McClellan Greensboro Merry Christmas!
 
A MESSAGE FROM THE UNION BOSS OF THE LOCAL 99 TOY/SHOEMAKERS UNION
We work hard for you kids, its a pity.....and lemme tell you something else, no pension, no sex, no insurance, we get one day off a year, which happens to be Dec 25th, and do we get presents? nooooooooooooooo, nothing but ridicule from gnomes and dwarfs and fairies, and we get no respect and we're all tired of it. So something better change and quick or kids wont get a #&*)@% thing next year and they ain't gonna blame us. You listening Fat Man?
Mike Perry, Eden
 
SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES
"More Pay or No Sleigh"
Alyssa Olmedo, Age 7
 
Submitted by Louise Monroe
Frazier
Unique: We want toys? Welllll, candy or something!
Mahogany D.: It's not fair. Elves can't touch the shelves.
J.D.W.: Naughty children still get toys. Reduce toy production!
Chase K.: We do too much work! You do the work, lazy Santa.
J.T.: How about sharing your cookies, big guy? Ever wonder why you are so fat?
Pretty'n'Pink: We've been working twelve years non-stop, and we want to stop.
Brandon P.: We want to get taller.
Louai: I don't know what it is, but you need to lose some weight, fatty.
Pete: Make us taller! No more three feet.
Matt C.: Raise or South Pole.
Roy T.: MC Grammar Claus on the south side.
Simone: "Elf"erybody deserves "elf"erything.
Miranda: We make toys and only toys for boys. If you want to, make girl toys yourself.
Lil Mama: It's not fair. We work every day; you only work one.
 
Triangle Lake Montessori
Nick.T.: Give us growth potion.
Lyndon: We want red. No more green.
William.: Make us three feet taller.
Chloe: We deserve to be tall.
Madison: We want to star in the song, "Run, Run, Reindeer," too.
Angela: Hire us! Hire us!
Joe: We want plastic surgery.
Tom: We're builders, not sleigh painters.
J.Kate: We gave you skisl. Now, give us your keys.
Kalani: Eat those stupid cookies and take those pillows out of your jacket.
Chay: Give us a raise, fat Uncle Santa.
Gretchen: We're not small, we're fun sized.
 
Bessemer
Natalie: No more cookies! No more milk! No more making Santa's toys!
Kayla: Have the elves done turned their backs on Santa?
Denisea: No more milk and cookies. No more toys. I want my job back!
Reyna: We deserve an Elf-reward and this time not candy canes.
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THE REST
"We are the 99%!"
Kathy Rawls, Whitsett
 
We are the North Pole 99%!
Tim Tribbett
 
Occupy North Pole
Zanzella Foster Savoy, Greensboro
 
"OCCUPY NORTH POLE"
Sally Shank, Greensboro
 
 LESS HO, MORE DOUGH!
Tim Tribbett
 
ON STRIKE for steel-toed shoes and custom earmuffs.
OCCUPY NORTH POLE -- We'll know what we want when we see it.
ON STRIKE for daylight all year long.
ON STRIKE for more elves in reindeer barn.
OSHA contacted -- too many hernias.