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Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Sweetie

I still can be downright tone-deaf when it comes to gender sensitivity, but I try to live and learn.

It helps to know what you don't know.

But in the year 2010 I still am amazed that a (now fired) state Board of Elections official would be so crass, mean and dimwitted to call women in his office such names as "Babe," "Hon," "Sweetie" and "Fat A--."

Ralph Gable's explanation for last one: The employee had "a glandular condition."

Gable also wants his job back, reports the News & Observer, and says his critics are "sad, little bullies."

At least he has removed all doubt about his fitness for the post. He needs to stay fired.

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Posted by Allen Johnson on Wednesday, August 18, 2010 at 9:30 am

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Amanda Lehmert

August 18, 2010 - 1:05 pm EDT

Pet names, like sexual harassment, are all about context and relationships. I had a boss (a woman) who called me "baby doll" affectionately. That was OK by me. Assuming those women didn't like the pet names, he probably should have laid off.

But calling someone Fat Ass is hard to construe any other way but as meanness.

Allen Johnson

August 18, 2010 - 1:06 pm EDT

And abject ignorance.

Christopher Rees

August 19, 2010 - 7:50 pm EDT

I agree that it was an unkind remark - probably. But guys often use demeaning and belittling terms towards each other just as they are beginning to become friends. I think it's a way of seeing how the other fellow will respond, as well as an indicator to him that he has become close enough that the speaker feels comfortable enough to throw an insult at him.

Let's face it, you never become that familiar with people you dislike.

As you say Amanda, it all depends on context. And let's not become the United States of the Offended, please. or we all may as well resign ourselves to the fate of Winston Smith (wasn't that the name of Orwell's "1984" hero?).

Allen Johnson

August 20, 2010 - 10:25 am EDT

You're both right about context. I still prefer to be safe rather than sorry and tend to call people by their names.
As for Ralph Gable, the context was painfully clear.

Jon

August 18, 2010 - 3:06 pm EDT

Are you residents of North Carolina? Are you sure you reside here?

Calling someone honey, sweetie, and baby doll is so common among real Southerners. I don't notice it as much now 'cause I've gotten used to it, but when we first moved here in the 90's on occasions I got offended when my wife got a peck on the cheek and called honey a bunch of times by men we barely knew or not at all. Didn't bother her much because she had been born here and understood the culture, but this d______ y______ took a while getting used to it.

Now the fat posterior comment is over the line. The other stuff is more cultural than anything.

I get called honey a lot at NC restaurants even when the wife is present. I like it, and the tips I give indicate so.

Allen Johnson

August 18, 2010 - 3:22 pm EDT

Of course, there's a difference between a waitress and a boss using such language.
And I am a native Southerner.

tonymo

August 20, 2010 - 4:01 pm EDT

More importantly you're a liberal. That malady trumps everything else. Simply look at the debate concerning the proposed, "monument to our most famous slap to the face of you infidels." Do they have the right to construct that monument, of course, but that is not the point, which is obvious unless you're a liberal.

Don't blame me, blame God, He created you with your malady!

Christopher Rees

August 19, 2010 - 7:39 pm EDT

So when Yvonne Johnson - one of my favourite customers - graces me with a "sweetie", she is crass, mean and dimwitted?
Don't be ridiculous! It is a compliment, and is accepted as such; a small kindness in the oil which lubricates human interaction. It's called good manners, and good grace.

histrion

August 20, 2010 - 10:31 am EDT

Did these women ever tell him it made them uncomfortable? If so, shame on him. If not, shame on them. He obviously assumed a level of intimacy that did not, in fact, exist. Hopefully they pointed that out to him.

Allen Johnson

August 20, 2010 - 10:37 am EDT

They said they were afraid, because of his close ties to the elections director.
But one woman did file a formal complaint early on about his sexually suggestive language.
He was not disciplined. He was promoted.

histrion

August 20, 2010 - 3:29 pm EDT

Teach me to read the original piece. I imagine most of the other commenters who want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt haven't read it, either. ;-)

Allen Johnson

August 20, 2010 - 7:37 pm EDT

Ah, the original piece. Yes, it mentions other transgressions, including Gable's suggestion that an employee wrap herself nude in Saran Wrap. For her husband, of course.