The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 082710
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 09-02
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
Our senior shout-out this week goes to Don Rankin, 80!
The poetry corner on the JOU blog is growing. You should see the prose offered there, including a Haiku from Tom C.
And great job everyone! Some really good captions this week. You just can’t go wrong with dogs, huh?
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
WINNER
"Oh boy, it looks like Rusty updated his status to "Neutered".
Brian McDonald, Greensboro
RUNNERS-UP
“Does it have an App for teaching old dogs new tricks?”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"Ooh! Text BOL!"
Nathan Gross, San Diego, CA
"I get all I need to know from just sniffing."
G. A. Rilling, Madison
Does it have a GPS to locate fire hydrants?
Randy Loggins, Kernersville
Check out my new bark tone
Steve Nance, Gibsonville
It has a special ring tone when Timmy calls from the well.
Tim Tribbett
There’s a tweet from Rex: “Finally caught my first car. What do I do with it now?”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I thought that you had bark-waiting
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough
“Loggin’ another hydrant on Foursquare I see.”
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
"What happened to wagging your tail when you 'like' something?"
Carlee Shepard, age 12, The Academy at Lincoln
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
You don't have Jenny in your contacts? Her number's 867-5309.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Oh, great! Now that song’s gonna be in my head all day.
“Just got a Facebook friend request from Scooby-Doo.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro
I wish Snoopy would send shorter tweets
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Since we can send email from it, we don’t have to buy cards from Hallmark anymore.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I keep getting these strange calls from a "Moby Dick."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Rickard told everyone my Star Trek tri-corder is a smartphone, just shows you what he knows!
Tom Conally
Tom Conally
But I did see an App that will make your SmartPhone look and sound like a tri-corder.
Are you trying to reach Bucky the Robot? We haven't seen him in ages.
Marcia Minsky, OBRFC, Camarillo, California
Marcia Minsky, OBRFC, Camarillo, California
I smell a rat.. Is that O-Dor calling?
Tom Conally Elon
Tom Conally Elon
BEST LOCAL THEMED CAPTION
"Are you certain it's Ok at Sedgefield?
G. A. Rilling, Madison
"Wow, Susie! First a law, now a phone. Would that make it a Susie-phone?"
"Text a lick to Charles Davenport for me."
Sharon Shepard, Jamestown
I can take my phone to the Wyndham now.
Tom Conally
Tom Conally
BEST/WORST PUN
Do you get to keep rollover minutes?
Tim Tribbett
Is that the new iBone?
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough
"Wow, Susie! First a law, now a phone. Would that make it a Susie-phone?"
Sharon Shepard, Jamestown
Your reception's not good here. You've only got 2 barks.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEMS
My dog would give up his bone
to gnaw on my new iPhone
Old Alex Bell
could never foretell
a dog bite would get a dial tone
Tom Conally, Elon
to gnaw on my new iPhone
Old Alex Bell
could never foretell
a dog bite would get a dial tone
Tom Conally, Elon
Haiku
quiet country walk,
my dog walking at my heel...
his iPhone barks
Tom Conally, Elon
Two doggies found a brand new I-phone.
They were startled to hear a wild ringtone,
So they chewed on it
"Til an app was hit
That ordered a pizza topped with meaty bone.
Ken Layton, Carthage
Since when would a dog trade a bone
for a brand new Apple iPhone
he would bark like a fool,
cover it with drool
and not even like his new ringtone
Tom Conally, Elon
All the dogs think the Smartphone’s so neat.
“Social networking cannot be beat.”
But our kids are confused
Since these Smartphones are used,
Now that beagles and schnauzers go tweet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
An old hound dog who lived all alone.
went to the mall and bought a smartphone.
His pal said you don't need that thing,
what would you do if it started to ring?
The old dog found some buttons to click,
and told his pal he had learned a new trick.
Now I can call Miss Daisy May,
and we can talk and text the live long day.
Don Rankin
Greensboro
An old dog, age 80.
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
Doesn't wagging our tails make more sense?
Nancy Nelson
Nancy Nelson
Do you get to keep rollover minutes?
Oh great, they put us in a kennel with a dead zone.
I'm scheduled for something called "neutering". Better google it.
Tim Tribbett
Tim Tribbett
“I’m afraid that gadget is now man’s best friend. It even has an app for fetching.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Tom Norman, Greensboro
With this phone I can play a virtual fetch game from the comfort of my doggie bed.
Steve Nance, Gibsonville
Steve Nance, Gibsonville
It’s got an app for locating fire hydrants.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Ken Sheldon, Elon
THE REST
It's got an app for locating fire hydrants.
There's a tweet from Rex: "Finally caught my first car. What do I do with it now?"
Since we can send email from it, we don't have to buy cards from Hallmark anymore.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Now that you've buried the bone, click this icon and it saves the GPS
location. When you want that bone, click that icon, and the phone will tell
you right where it is.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
1.) Wow, you even have a app for crap.
2.) I'm scheduled for something called "neutering". Better google it.
3.) It even has a fire hydrant app.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
It has a special ring tone when Timmy calls from the well.
Tim Tribbett
1.) Are you crank calling the cat AGAIN?
2.) I hear a burglar. Speed dial 911.
Tim Tribbett
I'll be doggone! There's an app for that cute poodle at the pound.
Ken Layton, Carthage
I'll text Fifi to see if it's okay to invite you home to dinner.
Ken Layton, Carthage
See if you hold it like this it loses its signal.
Adam Johnson
Are you callin the kennel so see how the puppies like their sitter?
can you google riff-riffriffa for me, I don't understand what that french
poodle said.
You gotta smart phone! You gotta smart phone!
It will do every thing but buy my dogfood!
Rickard told everyone my Star Trek tri-corder is a smartphone, just shows
you what he knows!
Look 1+1 is really 2
Tom Conally
Here's a really cool app. It shows every fire hydrant in town.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
See if you hold it like this it loses signal.
Adam Johnson, Greensboro
1. Did you download the "woof,woof" app so you don't have to bark anymore.
2. Are you trying to delete the shock collar app.?
3. With this phone I can play a virtual fetch game from the comfort of my doggie bed.
Steve Nance, Gibsonville
You don't have Jenny in your contacts? Her number's 867-5309.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
1. Check out my new bark tone
Steve Nance, Gibsonville
If you are reserving spaces on the harbor cruise, I want to be on the poop
deck! http://alturl.com/hur5s
Why do you have Alvin as a ringtone?
Does that use bark code ? One bark for yes and two for no?
I used to worry about the dogcatcher now it's my credit report!
Oh, I thought your text said stud free!
Tom Conally, Elon
"Are you certain it's Ok at Sedgefield?
"Text her "Sit! Stay!" and I'll be right over!"
"I get all I need to know from just sniffing."
"I don't know-I don't trust Nigerian lawyers"
"See? You can't text without thumbs!"
G. A. Rilling, Madison
Does it have an app for fetching?
Does it have a GPS to locate fire hydrants?
Randy Loggins, Kernersville
" Tell her she's a bitch and I'll never sniff her butt again."
steve turner
"Oh boy, it looks like Rusty updated his status to "Neutered".
Brian McDonald, Greensboro
Must be walk time for Sam. He's constantly updating his Woofer feed with "Peed on mailbox".
Brian McDonald, Greensboro
1.) Who gave that stupid cat your number?
2.) Google "neuter".
3.) Google treatments for worms.
4.) Your owner really spoils you.
5.) It may be old fashioned but I miss good ol' sniffing.
6.) Do you have the "Fetch" app?
Tim Tribbett
Phone, shmone... what I wanna know is how you got hands.
George Rawlins, Reidsville
Do you get to keep rollover minutes?
Tim Tribbett
"That makes things way too impersonal. You just texted, 'Sniff, Sniff'!"
"With this, the days of fetching a newspaper are over. Maybe the mailman is next!"
"Uh...don't you need opposable thumbs to use one of those things?"
"Please tell me you do NOT have 'Who Let the Dogs Out' as a ring tone!"
"You used to greet me with a sniff, now your nose is always in that darn phone!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
"Wait, let's use my I-PAD to locate that bone!"
Pam Simpson, Oak Ridge
The phone service here has just gone to the dogs!
Tom Conally, Elon
"What happened to wagging your tail when you 'like' something?"
Carlee Shepard, age 12, The Academy at Lincoln
"Learning any new tricks?"
"How's the 'Feed the Dog' App coming?"
"Wow, Susie! First a law, now a phone. Would that make it a Susie-phone?"
"Text a lick to Charles Davenport for me."
Sharon Shepard, Jamestown
"I phone, you dog"
It's an iphone ! Are you a Luddite?
It's a fidophone.
I think in the spirit of existentialism, all dogs should have iphones.
I just saw an accident, what's the number for 911.
Do you think this color is me?
Tom Conally
iPhone: recommended by 9 out of 10 veterinarians.
my ringtone is the sound of a bag of Old Roy's being ripped open!
Tom Conally
"Look, it's showing another hydrant right down there on the left."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Are you callin' the kennel to see how the puppies like their sitter?
Tom Conally
Let's see.One liter from me and one liter from you equals what?
Steve Rock
Can you hear me bark now
NO! Fido can not come to the phone!
Rescue training required us to have iPhones with GPS units
Tom Conally, Elon
I can take my phone to the Wyndham now.
It's so easy a cave man can do it!
Careful, don't leave your paw prints on it.
Tom Conally
Cool, but does it have rollover minutes?
Tim Tribbett
Why does it say "Reach out and touch someone!"?
Are you trying to reach Bucky the Robot? We haven't seen /him/ in ages.
Marcia Minsky, OBRFC, Camarillo, California
"Look, it's showing another hydrant right down here on the left."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Maybe 'Knick Knack Paddy Whack' isn't the best ringtone
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough
"'Who let the dogs out'....as a ringtone...really?"
Is that the new iBone?
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough, NC 27278
Can it deactivate our shock collars?
Tim Tribbett
1. Want to play fetch with it!
2. Call Greyhound , I miss Mom!
3. Nothing is more irritating than having someone you call say they have another call!
4. I hate call-waiting , don't you?!
5. I'm drawing a blank as what to do next!
6. How smart can it be, it doesn't even bark?!
7. Dog gone, it dropped your call!
8. I have a bone to pick with you!
8. Can it bark?
9. We never chase cars anymore!
10. I want a divorce, you never play with me anymore!
11. E. T. isn't the only one who can phone home!
12, Are you texting Lassie again!
13. You got grandpa's number in there!
14, Bad dog, Bad dog! 15. Master Tim taught me how to text on this thing!
16. I see dialing is sort of hard!
17. Who said old dogs can't learn new tricks?
18. Doesn't wagging our tails make more sense?
19. Can it help us train our master to do fancy tricks?
20. Even if we give it a licking it still comes back kicking!
21. Order me a bone and charge it to my master!
22. Make reservations at that fancy Steakhouse!
23. Take that embrassing photo of me and that fire hydrant out, now!
24. Calling the vet is pointless, he never returns our calls!
25. You don't love me anymore!
26. I'm getting a headache, can you stop the incessant ringing?!
27. Will it do my math homework?!
28. Hurry up,It's my turn!
29. This phone is too dog gone good!
30. Everything is going to the dogs these days!
31. It's hot, can it swim?!
( I didn't want to stop but I had to, just making up for last week when I was sick)
Nancy Nelson
Pace yourself …
I keep getting these strange calls from a "Moby Dick."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Classy, bitch!
Cal Sigler, Browns Summit
It's weird. Every time I play the "Pavlov's Bell" ringtone, I can't keep myself from drooling.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"I didn't know you were a pointer."
"See, Marmaduke is playing at theater 4."
"Look it up but I'm telling you, a rabies booster lasts a while."
"When you said mark it, I didn't know you meant a bookmark."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Isn't technology great? I just had a computer chip implanted in my owner in case he ever runs away.
Are you on Snoutbook?
My owner taught me how to use his rollover minutes on command.
JIm Cavanaugh, Portland, OR
My weather app says it is going to rain cats and dogs
I should have bought stock in Purina
My owner wants his slippers and his paper...now
I wish Snoopy would send shorter tweets
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough
I've been waiting for the new model. I heard you'll be able to pee on it.
I still just use regular pee-mail.
James H
Are you serious? They have a "walk me now" app for that thing!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
Are you sexting with that poodle down the street again?
Chris Marland, Greensboro
"Finally we have everything we have always wanted --- but what does it do?
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro
Hey, open his calendar and make a Vet appointment for the cat!
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach VA
Wow ! Next thing you know, you'll be driving too !
What's the name of that training school you attended, again ?
Guess this makes you the leader of the pack !
Will you still have time to feed the cats ?
Is this the way they do puppy love now ?
Don't do that while I'm barking at you, it's not polite !
I thought they were sending you to obedience school !
Need to keep those nails trimmed so you won't scratch it !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I smell a rat.. Is that O-Dor calling?
Tom Conally Elon
"Do your minutes roll over, Rover?"
Craige Reavis, Eden
"Have you taught your smart phone to speak?"
Lee Reavis, Greensboro
"Your smart phone can speak but can it fetch?"
Mari Reavis, Eden
Put that cat down on my schedule for a good chasing.
Tim Tribbett
Call the animal hospital and schedule Morris for a neuter and declaw.
Tim Tribbett
All the dogs think the Smartphone's so neat.
"Social networking cannot be beat."
But our kids are confused
Since these Smartphones are used,
Now that beagles and schnauzers go tweet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Did you take a photo of where we buried that last bone?
Tim Tribbett
Cool. Now have him chase his tail in the other direction.
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
Can we put that video of the vet taking Fido's temp on Youtube?
Tim Tribbett
I guess Lassie has an unlisted number.
So you think a smart phone will make you a smart dog?
Have you figured out how to turn it on yet?
I may be old but I have learned a couple of new tricks on this baby.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
Do you recall when they just use to whistle for us to come ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Hurry up and find the " fire hydrant" app before we have a poodle !!
Jim Brewer, Greensboro
An old hound dog who lived all alone.
went to the mall and bought a smartphone.
His pal said you don't need that thing,
what would you do if it started to ring?
The old dog found some buttons to click,
and told his pal he had learned a new trick.
Now I can call Miss Daisy May,
and we can talk and text the live long day.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
An old dog, age 80.
Knick, Knack, Paddywack give the dog an iBone
I though that you had bark-waiting
You are not a bird-dog just because you Tweet...
Your master has you on a short leash
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough
Watch your dew claw, I heard if it touches the lower corner you lose reception.
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach VA
Your reception's not good here. You've only got 2 barks.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Woof woof???", "Bark bark bark ruff ruff!!!!"
Can you Google "sitboysit"
. . . and if you click here, it translates everything to Spaniel.
That's just SICK! Those hydrants are painted like dogs!!!
Les Thomas, Sterling, VA
1. “Does it have an App for teaching old dogs new tricks?”
2. “I prefer texting while I’m chasing cars.”
3. “I’m afraid that gadget is now man’s best friend. It even has an app for fetching.”
4. “I don’t like using those gadgets for social networking. I prefer old fashion tail sniffing.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Could I borrow your personal, portable, self-contained, wireless video phone with camera, keyboard, touch screen and gps locator?
Tom Conally Elon
1) "Wow! Is that the new iPaw?"
2) "Tell the bitch I said, 'Hello'."
3) "Ooh! Text BOL!"
4) "It's pretty difficult without thumbs, huh?"
5) "Hurry and see if you can locate a fire hydrant within six blocks!"
6) "Boy, my master just whistles when he wants me."
Nathan Gross, San Diego, CA
It's not a phone, it's my 2 meter rig!
Tom Conally
Oh great, they put us in a kennel with a dead zone.
Does it have a leg humping app?
My water is tepid. Call the ASPCA.
Does it have text to bark?
Her facebook profile says she's spayed AND a fear biter.
The humans press something on it to make the pizza guy come.
Tim Tribbett
HEY!...Check THIS out, With the touch of a button I'm the proud owner of a shiny new pooper scooper!!
Ella McClellan, Greensboro
It's a dog eat dog world...BUT, Thanks to THIS new puppy, I've got a LEG UP on things!
Ann McClellan,Greensboro
If you could just learn to text on that thing, I'll get his credit card number, and WE'LL have steaks DELIVERED!...THAT'S why they call it SMART!!
Bruce McClellan, Greensboro
Using your nose for everything is so OLD SCHOOL!...This phone gives me directions, and pictures!..There's your house 7 your yard.....and MY GIRLFRIEND??!!!!
No name for this one.
"When you told me to mark it, how did I know you meant with a bookmark?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"You better not be reminding him to get me neutered."
"My master has one of those too. It does everything but make a call."
" I miss the days when we said hello just by sniffing each other."
"I'm pretty sure they'll notice you adding 24 bags of Iams to the grocery list."
"Loggin' another hydrant on Foursquare I see."
"Dude, we don't need a bathroom locator app; EVERYWHERE is a bathroom for us."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
A Severe Flea Warning is in effect until 9 pm.
There’s a Back to Obedience School Sale at Pet Smart this weekend.
Feel like a Papa John’s Alpo Pizza for lunch?
Just got a Facebook friend request from Scooby-Doo.
Dr. Piendyke recommends Miracle Salve for your mange problem.
Sorry, all fire hydrants on Main Street are currently occupied.
Gray Amick, Greensboro
"Do you think he still goes by just Benji? Maybe he added a last name."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
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