The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 101609
Next week, we’re trying something a little different. Our subject is the Thinker. You can supply a caption only --- OR --- supply a caption AND ART of what he is “thinking” about (like a computer, TV, etc.) If you add art, just attach it to your e-mail.
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
You kept the jokes clean this week (hee hee.)
Jr.s, schools, keep ’em coming!
And don‘t forget, I do birthday greetings right here. Just give me a few days notice and the birthday person’s name.
WINNER
What do you do with all those socks anyway?
Chris Marland, Greensboro
RUNNERS-UP
Why are you complaining? I do all the dirty work.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
“Are you as loaded as I am?”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
She left me as soon as my warranty expired.
Lyn Nieri
I don't shout out stains. I try to reason with them first.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
When I'm done, care for a tumble?
Les Thomas
Some say I have a reputation as an agitator.
Michelle Davidson Ungurait, Oak Ridge
You complete me.
Tim Tribbett,
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Boy, I wish she'd switch to disposable diapers!!!
Jessica Murphy
We were made for each other.
Mrs. John Sterken, Burlington
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
Can you believe they mixed the reds with the whites?
Zaira G., 5th grade Rankin
JR. CATEGORY RUNNER-UP
L. Goodman: Try not to shrink the clothes this time.
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
1. Deja vu!
2. Boo!
3. How scary is that?!
4.Didn't Tim draw that one last week?!
5. Eerie!
Nancy Nelson
As part of the settlement for originally failing to recognize Paul Anka as co-writer of the title track of the Michael Jackson compilation album “This Is It”, Sony has agreed to add two original Anka tracks to the album: “Puppy Love” and “(You’re) Having My Baby.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"No, it used to be Jess White and then it was Gordon Jump."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"No, it used to be Jess White and then it was Gordon Jump."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Extra credit to anyone who can tell me the reference here without Googling it. Hint: I’ll be lonely till you do.
Should I put ol' Snuggles thru another rinse cycle?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
I prefer the piquant flavor of Palmolive . . . and I want an Official Red Ryder for Christmas.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
You’ll shoot your eye out, kid
"Ancient Chinese Secret..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
BEST “HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ART BUT IS FUNNY ANYWAY” CAPTION
"Did you hear? Barack Obama watched a college football game last weekend and today he won the Heisman Trophy!!"
"Did you hear? Barack Obama went to the movies last Saturday night and today he won an Oscar!!"
"OK...a priest, a cartoonist, and a ostrich all walk into a laundromat holding hotdogs..."
Bob Mannary
BEST CAPTION TO THE WRONG CARTOON (Lion and alligator having lunch)
"I'll trade you my sardine sandwich for your wildebeast wrap."
Marilyn Obermeyer, Amherst, NY
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Are you done with that Snuggie? Tim needs it for Monday.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Yes, please hurry.
"Stop me if you've heard this one 'A fire hydrant & a trash can walk into a bar...' .".
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
“I had a dream that you were a trash can and I was a fire hydrant.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"Well...last week it was a fire hydrant and a trash can so I'm not surprised..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
BEST POEM
“It’s a fact!” said our youngest son, Matt.
“When you’re cleaning a shirt or a hat,
Use the washer and drier.
They’re great for attire.
Don’t try them when washing the cat.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
Really, too many to list
MATURE
That kid leaves more skid marks than a formula one race car.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
I’ve had so much fabric softener I’m now on Viagra!
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
Do you ever have that not so fresh mildew smell?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
“Boy if these sheets could talk!”
Dennis R. LaJeunesse, Greensboro
“The stain on this dress is worse than Monica’s!”
Dennis R. LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Ready for my load baby?
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach
Ewww …
Its not my fault the Maytag guy wants to service me.
David Graves, Browns Summit
"She's fine until the spin cycle...then it gets weird..."
"You ever get that 'Not So Fresh' feeling?!?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
"You ever get that 'Not So Fresh' feeling?!?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
It makes me feel weird when she leans against me when I'm on spin cycle.
Darrell Clark
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
We've got to keep our story straight about the missing sock!
Darrell Clark
Woo-hoo, that loose change tickles.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"I think there's too much Starch in my diet..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
SCHOOL ENTRIES (from Louise Monroe)
Washington Montessori School Jr. Entry
Hannaneh Mirmozaffari: Don't look! I'm taking a bath.
Fourth grade junior entries from Rankin School
Thao Vi Thi Huynh: You look really dry inside!
Jordyn Drumwright: This detergent tastes good.
Jessica W.: How come you can see through me but I cannot see through you?
Alexis Witt: Do you come with a water hose, because you're getting hot.
Fifth grade Rankin entries
Zaira G.: Can you believe they mixed the reds with the whites?
Chelsea D. Sosa: It's been a long time since we were parted at Sears'.
Brittany C.: Hey, get ready because my stomach is about to cough up some clothes.
L. Goodman: Try not to shrink the clothes this time.
Taniya S.: Aren't you always...hot?
Frazeir fifth grade entries
Hayley Samulski: I've got soap and detergent coming out of my mouth and eyes, so I can't possibly imagine that you think that YOUR life is miserable because you are all dry.
Angel Nguyen: That lady had better be back soon. She didn't close me tight. Oh, no! I'm leaking!
Deja Headen: Did you put a red sock in me? 'Cause I'm turning pink inside.
TeAsia Holliman: Hey, you think you've got it bad? Every time I stop, they have to take the clothes out right afterward or I will smell.
Nahal Graham: Can you move over a little closer? I'm cold.
Jayna Patel: Hey, can you press the red button? I'm tired.
Mekensie Bostic: Why do I always have to wash the clothes? I'm getting tired of all the suds in me.
Fourth grade entries from Frazier
Zachary: I speak five different kinds of languages, but I don't speak gibberish.
Aprill A.: You are so lucky the family dries their clothes on the line with the wind now. I get the four-year-old's laundry every day full of some yellow juice!
A.J.: The clothes line is shutting you down.
Zachary: You're better off in the junk yard because the family hangs their clothes on the line.
THE REST
"ya know...I wish my job was dryer!"
Charles Heafner, Asheboro
Some say I have a reputatation as an agitator.
Michelle Davidson Ungurait, Oak Ridge
Want to go for a spin with me today ?
You wash and I'll dry !
You make my temperature rise !
Why are you always so wringing wet ?
Am I your sunshine now ?
You job turns me on !
Can you guess what's my line ?
Do you think I'm having a hot flash ?
Do you think our problems can be ironed out ?
You're all wet !
Did you say our conversations are very dry ?
Can't you do something about that ring around the collar ?
Life is like alot of cycles !
Maybe we're both in our mid-life cycles !
I perfer inside work instead of outdoor, don't you ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
1. My head is spinning! 2. Would you like to go for a SPIN?!
3. Blow heart!
4. You're so full of hot air!
5. How long have you been DRY?!
Nancy Nelson
6. Wash up, Doc!
7. I'm loaded down with work today!
8. You know those grass stains are a pain to get out!
9. I've been in a tailspin all day!
10. Oops, my belt just wrong!
11. Be careful not to shrink her favorite sweater!
12. This was a heavy load, do you think you're up for the challenge?!
13. What's all the commotion about?! 14. I'm dizzy!
Nancy Nelson
"Oh, I am just all washed up!"
Jean Blake, Greensboro
1.) I think I'll snatch a few socks for my collection.
2.) Hey baby,wanna go for a spin?
3.)We make a great team!
4.) Did you see that idiot put the red shirt in with the whites?
5.)Woohoo, that loose change tickles.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
You always could see right through me !
Do you think I have a dry sense of humor ?
Could you bring me a dry martini, please ?
Are you looking for more than a working relationship ?
When did you become such a peeping tom ?
You need to dry up while I'm speaking !
I feel loaded !
I think this baby is ready to come out !
Don't you think this relationship is quite a soap opera ?
What makes you think I'm trying to come between you and the clothesline ?
I'll never let that clothesline affair come between us !
I'll never let our babies hang out with her again !
She can always go on line to find a new boy friend !
Be firm ! Tell her I'm in and she's out ! End of story !
Tell her to hang it up, I'm with you now !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I am always employed first.
James Durham, Greensboro
Ever wonder what it might feel like to percolate together ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"You're hot!"
David Meyers, Greensboro
"Let's keep it clean."
David Meyers, Greensboro
"You'll wash whose mouth with soap?"
David Meyers, Greensboro
"You're full of hot air."
David Meyers, Greensboro
1."this is what happens when you say bad words."
2."those bargain soaps sure leave a bad taste in your mouth."
3."i sure hope she buys liquid detergent next week, the powder leaves me feeling dirty."
4."i sometimes wonder does she know what small capacity means."
5."does she over stuff you with clothes too?"
6."just once i wish she would remember to use the fabric softener, those clothes are murder on my insides."
Paula R. Hairston, Greensboro
Why are you complaining? I do all the dirty work.
You are one hot babe.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
When I was a kid, my mom used it every time I swore, so I just got used to the taste.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You complete me.
2.) Did they ever clean that lint trap of yours?
3.)That little bear creeps me out.
4.) Should I put ol' Snuggles thru another rinse cycle?
5.) That kid leaves more skid marks than a formula one race car.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
No, I'm not up for a game of May-tag.
Today I'm Bold, but yesterday I was just feeling Cheer-ful.
Oh yeah? Well you're just full of hot air!
Ken Sheldon
Show me yours and I'll show you mine.
Ken Layton, Carthage
What do you do with all those socks anyways?
Chris Marland, Greensboro
Oh yeah?...try getting suds out of your tumbler!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
Watch her freak out when she sees that red sock in there!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
Boy, I can't wait until that kid gets out of cloth diapers!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
15. You're such a hottie!
16. She really turns me on!
17. Don't be so square!
18. It's a dirty job but someone has to do it!
Nancy Nelson
“When you use your ‘Gentle Cycle’ I just get all warm inside!”
Mike Henderson, Greensboro
Every time I open my #@!&^$ mouth, it gets washed out with soap!
Malcolm Macphee, Greensboro
Must be karma for the times Mom had to wash out my mouth with soap.
Was that word bad enough to get my mouth washed out with soap?
Joan Lux, Greensboro
"Uggghh... you can breathe easy, my stomachs always lurching
Jordan Frye Age 10 Millis Road Elementary
"Don't blame me for that missing sock."
Rebecca Blomgren, Greensboro
"I may be full of hot air, but you are all washed up!"
Ed Greenawald, Greensboro
Your cute, opposites do attract!
Roger Howerton, Randleman
Want to go for a spin?
Rebecca McSween, Greensboro
You shake and I'll bake!
Isn't this working side-by-side romantic?
Aren't you glad we're residential and not commercial?
Do you think I enjoy picking up after you?
Without me you are nothing!
I'm glad we only do this once a week!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
If I only had a way to open my spouts, I could fight back.
Ken Layton, Carthage
1.)Dorothy has really gotten her wicked witch melting down to a science.
2.) They're shouting at the stains not us Mr.Sensitive.
3.) The spin cycle makes me dizzy.
4.)The spin cycle makes me a little queasy.
5.) She put in a ink stain. I'm not a freakin' miracle worker ya know!
6.)The wicked witch likes her clothes really really dry.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
I've had so much fabric softener I'm now on Viagra!
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
1. ...and then she told me I was all washed up.
2. Have you seen the new Spin Class instructor?
She left me as soon as my warranty expired.
Lyn Nieri
I am NOT all wet!!
Go out? No, I refuse to operate in public.
Have you got the hots for me, babe?
Frankly, I think you're just a lot of hot air
You know, we make quite a team.
Keith Peddie, Greensboro
I think I need to switch my spray and wash to decaf.
Next thing that lazy ass will be asking us to hang'em too.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Calling me wishy-washy was a low blow!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Maybe switching to decaf spray and wash would stop my shaking problem.
Tim Tribbett, greensboro
1. I wash - you dry. Doesn't that seem fair?
2. Sooo, I have a sore throat.
3. I create suds - what do your create - lint - how good is that?
Gerry McCabe, Greensboro
Do you ever have that not so fresh mildew smell?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Even I don't know what some of those settings mean.
Tim Tribbett
1.) I don't shout out stains. I try to reason with them first.
2.) I don't shout out stains. I coax them out gently.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Are you done with that Snuggie? Tim needs it for Monday.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Spray and wash ain't gonna get THAT out!
2.) I'm not sure she understands what "dry clean only" means.
3.) Sometimes I daydream that it's high "Tide" and I can feel the "Febreeze" in my face.
4.) The man needs a freakin' bib!
5.) Did you see him sniff that and take it out of the hamper?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
But Wait...There's MORE!
LosCon 36 Nov. 27 - 29, 2009
Marcia Minsky, Chair - LosCon 36
"Stop me if you've heard this one 'A fire hydrant & a trash can walk into a bar...' ."
"Well...first you have to know what makes you hot, then think about it."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Do you ever feel like you're running in circles?
Lyn Nieri
Honest! I didn't know it was a bad word.
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro
Just think, no dirty laundry about you will ever be aired in public again !
Your hanging out alone days are over !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"Best 80's song ... I'll Tumble For Ya"
"I like any music by 'The Spin Doctors'"
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough
"Wanna get stacked?"
"Yeah, so what if your old roommate was a top-loader ..."
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough
How's your lint sculpture coming along?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"It's a fact!" said our youngest son, Matt.
"When you're cleaning a shirt or a hat,
Use the washer and drier.
They're great for attire.
Don't try them when washing the cat."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
19. That sock sure tasted good!
20. That guy will never learn, he put his new red shirt in with his underwear!
21. I'm loaded!
22. She really knows how to push my buttons!
23. I don't know why she gripes so much, we do all the work!
24. When was the last time she bothered to clean your filter?!
25. Smelly, smelly, smelly!
26. I'm not a miracle worker, ya know!
27. Do I look a little lighter, I've been working out!
28. Heavy duty!
29. Boy we're getting a good workout today!
Nancy Nelson
Boy, I wish she'd switch to disposable diapers!!!
Jessica Murphy
1. "Get ready for a pink load. The idiot added a red tee to his wife's whites!"
2. "After washing his hunting lodge clothes, I'll need re-piping!"
3. "He left his wallet in his pants.At least the money won't be filthy anymore!"
4. "The kids threw the cat in.Get ready for one huge hairball l!!!"
5. "The kids put the bunny in..Get ready for a huge hare-ball !!!!"
6. "Boy if these sheets could talk!"
7. "Al Gore wants to replace you with a clothes line!"
8. "I found (out) my grandfather (was) a wash tub on Ancestor's.com!"
9. "I'd like to plug your vent!!!"
10. "Your vent stinks.What have you been drying?"
11. "The stain on this dress is worse than Monica's!"
Dennis R. LaJeunesse, Greensboro
I liked number 8. Really went outside the box, but the wording was messed up –I added what I thought were missing words inside parentheses.
I prefer the piquant flavor of Palmolive . . . and I want an Official Red Ryder for Christmas.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
"You're a recovering sockaholic?"
Kris Voy, Trinity
1. “Having you next to me always gives me a warm feeling.”
2. “You always could see right through me.”
3. “Are you as loaded as I am?”
4. “You complete me.”
5. “How come every time I get an upset stomach, you get a fever?”
6. “I had a dream that you were a trash can and I was a fire hydrant.”
7. “I’m shaken - are you baken?”
8. “Sorry, but your next load is going to be about 90 percent lint.”
9. “Don’t you ever get thirsty?”
10. “I just don’t get your dry sense of humor.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
I thought that was a distant mountain but it turned out to be a pile of stinky socks.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Caption entry for cartoon: alligator and lion on park bench:
"I'll trade you my sardine sandwich for your wildebeast wrap."
Marilyn Obermeyer, Amherst, NY
1. If I get one more load of dirty diapers I will scream.
2. It's not easy being the washer in a maternity ward.
3. Watch it! I saw you staring at that younger washer.
4. Sure wish they would make chocolate flavored detergent!
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
"Stop agitating me."
"How did you get lint in your bellybutton?"
"No, it used to be Jess White and then it was Gordon Jump."
"You think it's a nickel? I think it's a dime."
"Listen, if we're going to kiss, you better switch me over to delicate."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Ready for my load baby?
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach
When I'm done, care for a tumble?
Les Thomas
And then she said he was all washed up like it was a bad thing.
Diane Bishop, Greensboro
"She's fine until the spin cycle...then it gets weird..."
"You Turn My Stomach!"
"Whatever I ate last night doesn't seem to agree with me..."
"You ever get that 'Not So Fresh' feeling?!?"
"I'm queezy ALL the time..."
"Well...last week it was a fire hydrant and a trash can so I'm not surprised..."
"OK...once more...Who's on first...What's on second...and I Don't Know is on third..."
"The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round..."
"I think there's too much Starch in my diet..."
"I think you and I should iron a few things out..."
"This?!?!? THIS makes you all hot and bothered?!?!?"
"I got their Dry Clean Only right here...BaddaBing!!"
"Ancient Chinese Secret..."
"Well, first I heard a bunch of Shouting but then he Wisks her away to the Ivory coast. He wanted to get there before the Tide came in. It was a Bold move if you ask me. I'm not sure what he hoped to Gain from all this but today there seems to be more Bounce in her step and they Snuggle all the time. Hopefully it ends up being a Fresh Start for both of them!"
"Did you hear? Barack Obama watched a college football game last weekend and today he won the Heisman Trophy!!"
"Did you hear? Barack Obama went to the movies last Saturday night and today he won an Oscar!!"
"Martha Stewart called...she's not amused..."
"You...Spin...Me...Right Round Baby Right Round Like A Washer Baby...."
"OK...a priest, a cartoonist, and a ostrich all walk into a laundromat holding hotdogs..."
"Well I DVR'd this show called SCRUBS and boy was I disappointed"
"It could be worse...we could be Avacodo Green!"
"It was the OxyClean I SWEAR!"
"Remember that new red sock that went missing last week...watch this..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
You're hot, my stomach's churning -- it's THE FLU!!!
Joan Lux, Greensboro
Its not my fault the Maytag guy wants to service me.
You used to hit all the right buttons.
I can't help it ..our owner turns me on.
You can tell me. What do you really do with their socks?
David Graves, Browns Summit
1) We've got to keep our story straight about the missing sock !
2) It's so weird. There's never any lint on them when they put them in.
3) It makes me feel weird when she leans against me when I'm on spin cycle.
4) You know you can be replaced with a colthsline .
5) Do you think I have a shot at a date with the microwave ?
Darrell Clark
"I do all the dirty work and you get all the credit!"
"Why is his underwear always so bloody?"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
"I'm in hot water and you're getting a lot of static."
"I like to put my own spin on things."
"Sorry for all the rust I've caused you."
"What's prong with you?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro
" Welcome, the other guy was all dried-up."
"Okay, it time for one of us to break down."
" Boy, you got some nice lingerie coming your way."
" No, that not my stomach rumberling."
James E.Ferrell, McLeansville
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