The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 100909
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
This one was a little tough, but you guys still managed to come up with quite a few keepers.
The Jr. category is heating up (thanks, Louise!) The competition there is getting pretty fierce. This week, St. Pius X is the winning school thanks to Fraser. A big shout-out to Jr. runner-up Nahla Graham of Frazier Elementary. Keep ’em coming!
And don‘t forget, I do birthday greetings right here. Just give me a few days notice and the birthday person’s name.
WINNER
If I only had a way to open my spouts, I could fight back.
Ken Layton, Carthage
RUNNERS-UP
So how is that no plastic diet working for you?
David Graves, Browns Summit
Of course you feel empty inside. The garbage truck just came doofus.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"I tell you, without all those recyclables, you look ten pounds lighter."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
I'm able to keep this job only because of my connections !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
“Hey buddy, my eyes are up here.”
Kristin Mills
"I don't know what that last dog ate, but my paint is peeling!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
“I’m more of a cat person.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"No we are not getting a dog."
Paula R. Hairston, Greensboro
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
"The garbage guy's nothing. You should see what the DOG does to ME."
Fraser Welsford, 10, St. Pius X catholic school
JR. CATEGORY RUNNER-UP
You think you have it bad. I get a visit from each dog three times a week!
Nahla Graham, Frazier
MATURE
1. "MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT, IT IS BETTER TO BE P*SS*D OFF THAN P*SS*D ON."
PAULA R. HAIRSTON, GREENSBORO
"How did you know I was cold?"
"Why do you think I have triplets?"
"Why of course they're not real."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"Why do you think I have triplets?"
"Why of course they're not real."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"Either I had a wet dream or a dog came by late last night."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville
I keep telling you, if you want to talk don’t go “psssssssst” it freaks me out!
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach
5. I'm p*ssed on!
Nancy Nelson
Whoa, no offense whoever you are but I must have been really drunk last night!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
“The Center for Disease Control has announced the H1N1 flu pandemic is over, staved off mainly by the willingness of the population to repeatedly wash their hands to contain the spread of the virus. In other health news, psychiatrists around the country are reporting a spike in the number of cases of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, a symptom of which can be that the person affected repeatedly washes their hands.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
Have you tried a grouch exterminator?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Doesn’t Oscar’s fur tickle?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I’m getting worried. What was Rickard doing when he got the inspiration for us?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Tim remembered an appropriate theme for National Fire Safety Week. Could he remember National Chicken Month was September?"
Jon Barsanti, Jr, Hillsborough
Jon Barsanti, Jr, Hillsborough
"...then she said, "henceforth this shall be called the poop deck."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
BEST POEM
Fire hydrants all feel so beat
Every time that a canine they meet.
They are constantly hopin’
Their valves would just open
And blast those mutts clear ‘cross the street.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
That’s just between you and me, okay? So keep a lid on it.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I guess with all the dogs in the neighborhood, you could call my brothers and me peons.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
The Worst? Labradors, Shepards, and Collies. . .
Ken Layton, Carthage
I don't know which is worst, your possum or my dog !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
You just don't understand the pressure I'm under.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Uh oh,trash police. Better hide those plastic bottles!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
You're really trashy Sally. That's why all these guys keep dumping you!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
As far as dogs go, if you watch my back I'll watch yours.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
THE JUDGES DIDN’T PICK THESE BUT SHOULD HAVE CATEGORY
Whoa, no offense whoever you are but I must have been really drunk last night!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
This is the worst blind date EVER!!!!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
SCHOOL ENTRIES
"The garbage guy's nothing. You should see what the DOG does to ME."
Fraser Welsford, 10, St. Pius X catholic school
Submitted by Louise Monroe
Washington School junior entry
Hannaneh Mirmozaffari: What's that smell? Oh, man, did somebody throw some elephant manure in you?
Rankin School Junior entries
Thao Vi Thi Huynh: I'd rather go talk to the sidewalk.
Alexis Witt: Ew! Do you have a dead cat in there?
Jordyn Drumwright: Can somebody take him out?!?
L. Goodman: I hate to break it to you , but you are rotten!
Zaira G: Be a ventriloquist or somehting because i can't understand sign language.
Brittany C: Hey, dude, what's up with your face? You don't have a mouth.
Frazier School Junior Entries
Jayna Patel: I've been stuck with this smell. I wonder what it is.
Deja Headen: When will the trash man come again, because I'm getting tired of this.
Mekensie Bostic: Do you want me to spray you? You smell awful!
Angel Nguyed: Hi, Mr. Trash Can. Is there a dog in there? Don't let the dog get away!
Ny'Asia Dixon: I'm stuck beside you against my will! I wish I could hose you.
Nahla Graham: You think you have it bad. I get a visit from each dog three times a week!
A.J. Why am I the target?
April A.: Who do you think the dog will go to first, me or you?
THE REST
Dog approaching at 3 o'clock. Execute plan 6-2 alpha go, go, go !
2.) As far as dogs go, if you watch my back I'll watch yours.
3.) I'm telling you this as a friend. You have a body odor problem.
4.) Did you get that dog's tag number?!
5.) If one more person tells me I'm built like a fireplug....!
6.) Of course you feel empty inside. The garbage truck just came doofus.
7.) PEEE-EEWWW, what the heck did they just put inside you?!
8.) Would you mind closing your lid?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
You'd be a much better athlete if you didn't do so much trash talking.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"So what if you're getting a little stinky (from their trash), dogs pee on me.
Ronnie Phillips
I'm getting worried. What was Rickard doing when he got the inspiration for us?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
For the Noah's Ark type cartoon:
I thought you were gathering the females.
Patrick Nichols, San Diego, California
The Worst? Labradors, Shepards, and Collies. . .
Ken Layton, Carthage
If I only had a way to open my spouts, I could fight back.
Ken Layton, Carthage
I have connections, you know!
I am not shallow!
Ah! but I'll have you know I have hidden depths
I could blow my top for you
Let's roll around a bit
Keep your lid on!
Keith Peddie, Greensboro
"I'm full. How about you?"
Brian Clarke, 14, Greensboro
That's just between you and me, okay? So keep a lid on it.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Have you tried a grouch exterminator?
2.) Have you tried a grouchercism?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
This is the worst blind date EVER!!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Watch out for the Sheppard...he's got a bladder infection.
Chris Marland, Greensboro
Doesn't Oscar's fur tickle?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I guess with all the dogs in the neighborhood, you could call my brothers and me peons.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
1. "MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT, IT IS BETTER TO BE P*SS*D OFF THAN P*SS*D ON."
2. "WHEN I SAID PUT A LID ON IT I DIDN'T MEAN LITERALLY."
3. "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT BUDDY".
4. "JUST ONCE I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO SQUIRT BACK".
5. "NO WE ARE NOT GETTING A DOG".
6. "WANNA PLAY SCRATCH AND SNIFF?"
PAULA R. HAIRSTON, GREENSBORO
Oh no! Here comes that pack of dogs again.
I'm sorry Carl, I just have this thing for Firemen.
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, Florida
"The Center for Disease Control has announced the H1N1 flu pandemic is over, staved off mainly by the willingness of the population to repeatedly wash their hands to contain the spread of the virus. In other health news, psychiatrists around the country are reporting a spike in the number of cases of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, a symptom of which can be that the person affected repeatedly washes their hands."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Have you tried a grouchorcism?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1.) When I take a walk the parked cars magically get little papers on their windshields.
2.) The guy was looking at a piece of paper on his windshield and yelling at me!
3.) Wanna see me make that guy get a ticket? Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"You have to take a lot of trash but consider my predicament!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
THANKS FOR HANGING OUT WITH ME
Mary Williams, Lexington
Are you always so full of garbage ?
Sorry to be the one to tell you, but you have bad breath !
I'm able to keep this job only because of my connections !
You can leave anytime, I've got to stay !
You've really helped clean up the block, kid !
He only sniffs you, I get his spray job, if you know what I mean !
I play golf too, but I hate doglegs !
Keep your lid on, kid ! Maybe he'll just sniff both of us this time !
Look out ! I can't hold my water much longer !
Peewee says he does it because I'm one of his teritory markers !
Long as I'm here, no car will ever block your view !
Dog gone ?
The pitbull calls it the mark of the beast !
Your predecessor was canned after only a year of service !
My job is 24/7. That's why I'm permanent and you are temporary !
I feel more flushed than empty after my check-ups !
You got a bad case of BO !
I'm feeling a little dehydrated after standing here all day !
We could sing, " Brighten the Corner Where You Are " !
It's OK, I've got plenty of friends of in low places !
He always gives me the hind leg when he walks by !
Which is worst, me getting the spray, or you getting the scoops ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Sorry dear but you're just too trashy to take home to mom.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
You think you got it bad? Only thing dog's do to you is, justknock you over & see what you got inside you. In my case dogs use me for a bathroom,so count yourself lucky brother.
Mike Greeson Greensboro
1.For the last time I'm not your Dad and I've never even met a wicker basket!
2.) Uh oh,trash police.Better hide those plastic bottles!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Nausea? Could it be something you ate?
2.) Garbage in,garbage out. 3.) If I tell you a something can you keep it under your lid?
4.) Dude,you're not a teenager.You can't keep eating like that.
5.)Ok,I promise to put you out if hobos start a fire.
6.) Sorry pal,I don't have any Pepto.
7.) Upset stomach? Fred, they just dumped rancid hot dogs and chunky green milk into you!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Maybe you could get a grouchorcist to perform a grouchorcism.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
You're really trashy Sally. That's why all these guys keep dumping you!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"Min-Pins are one thing - Great Danes really P*&& me off"
"All your trash talking is making me blush."
"Red ... I should be Green and white to match the N&R masthead."
"I just got a note from my 'doctor.' He is going to 'flush me out' this Friday."
"Put a lid on it."
"Wolfpack Red ... I want to be Carolina Blue"
Jon Barsanti, Jr, Hillsborough
"I got a fresh coat of paint to Celebrate National Fire Safety Week - What did you due to celebrate" (October 4-10)
"Tim remembered an appropriate theme for National Fire Safety Week. Could he remember National Chicken Month was September?"
Jon Barsanti, Jr, Hillsborough
1) O.K., here's the plan. I take the little canine out & you hide the body.
2) I've had about enough of your trash talk!
3) Could you please take a step back? Those diapers are getting a little ripe.
4) No offence, but what have you been eating???
5) Good lord man! Your breath would knock a buzzard off a carcass!
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
I'll flush the place if you will collect the debri.
Yeah!!! We can do the job together.
We'll have to watch for dogs and can kickers.
John Collie, Reidsville
"How did you know I was cold?"
"Why do you think I have triplets?"
"Why of course they're not real."
"C'mon, give us a hug."
"Why do you keep staring at my valves?"
"I'm always feeling like I have to go."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
1.)Whoa,no offense whoever you are but I must have been really drunk last night!
2.) Waking up after these one night stands is getting kinda scary!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"You can play but watch what you say to the other team."
"You mean they try to push your lid inside you knowing it's a smaller diameter?"
"You should have been here Tuesday during recycle day."
"Hey look, I just joined the one million gallon club."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
1. Sooo, it's Halloweeen.
2. Is that your Halloween costume?
3. What - I hurt my neck.
4. So, I have a stiff neck - what's your complaint?
5, Did I forget my tie?
Gerry McCabe, Greensboro
The Greensboro Fire Department came around last week -- that's why I look flushed.
Joan Lux Greensboro
"I tell you, without all those recyclables, you look ten pounds lighter."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"Seems like you get dumped every week."
"We're classy ladies. Why do we attract all the dogs?"
"You DO have a lot of baggage. You just hide it all inside."
"Hold the sob story. I endure the same indignities seven days a week."
"Couples counseling isn't working. I'm still passive and you're always flipping your lid!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
Just once, I'd like a hose on my outlet to wet that dog down !
At least the cats look for a sandbox !
Do you think I look like a urinal ?
I don't which is worst, your possum or my dog !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"Quit your complaining; at least you don't get used by Dogs."
Keenan Coleman, Greensboro
So people always tell you that you smell.....Waaaaahhh, Waaahhhh. Wait until you see what happens to me when this dog comes by - then remind me of how bad you've got it. Gimme a break!
Brian Tyler, Greensboro
"Hey buddy, my eyes are up here."
Kristin Mills
Maybe you could get a grouchorcist to perform a grouchorcism.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
" Don't give me that Pee story again."
"I'm waiting for that cute female fireman to unscrew me."
"Stop all the trash talking."
"Your breath stinks, man."
"Have you seen my man, Big Dumpster, lately.''
"Either I had a wet dream or a dog came by late last night."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville
"I tell you, without the recyclables, you look ten pounds lighter."
"I told you those soda bottles were nothing but empty calories."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
I was originally a part of the "Two Guys Named Chris" logo, but I got cut.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Why are you always trash talking me ?
Can you move down wind please ?
How do you handle having a gut check every week ?
Why do you always want to dump your problems on me ?
I do my best work under pressure !
I can handle pressure better than you any day of the week !
You can't stay here ! This is a no parking zone !
Because of me, you'll no longer be an easy pick-up here !
What's wrong, you're looking down in the dumps ?
I hear you got friends in low places !
Move on, nobody is allowed to park here but me.
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Phew ! Did you forget to take the garbage out last week ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I keep telling you, if you want to talk don't go "psssssssst" it freaks me out!
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach
1.)SNIFF, Geez Fred,when's the last time they dumped you?
2.)You're trashy Rhonda and that's why guys dump you!
3.) If you pull out the grouch make sure you get the head or it'll get infected.
4.)What's got into you lately anyway?! 5.) You just don't understand the pressure I'm under.
6.)Oh geez,please tell me I remembered to use protection!
7.) No dear, I'm not ashamed of you. Quick hide!!!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Of course I'm not ashamed of you sweetie.Now get back under the tarp!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1. “If you’re the Tin Man, tell Dorothy to keep Toto away from me.”
2. “I’m more of a cat person.”
3. “Agent 86, is that you?”
4. “Uh oh! That Great Dane has a strained look on his face.”
5. “You mind covering me, I appear to be a little short.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
who you lookin at trash mouth?
Nasrin R
How do you keep any self esteem after getting dumped each week ?
It's kind of sad watching you get dumped each week !
It's not the outside, but what's inside that counts !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
1."Let's play Kick the Can!"
2."It's true..You're being replaced by an eighty gallon flip-top!"
3."Keep your lid on.It's dead fish day!!!"
4."I appreciate your problems with raccoons. It's dogs that drive me crazy!!!"
5."Thirsty???"
6."Next Tuesday is Flush Day.And believe me you need a flush!!!"
7."You're right no one appreciates our services!!!"
8."Stop complaining.at least you get to move back into the yard!!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Phew!
2. Life stinks!
3. Someone forgot the Hefty!
4. We need to be hosed down!
5. Im p*ss*d on!
Nancy Nelson
Asparagus??? Sparky ate the asparagus???
Douglas Booth, Sophia
My tank reads: F AS IN FULL I'm leaking.
Taniya S. Jr.DIVISION
"I think I can. Get it? I think I can.
Jim Hoskins, Greensboro
"I'm tired of your trash talk."
Jack Hoskins, Age 12, Greensboro
So how is that no plastic diet working for you?
David Graves, Browns Summit
1. "Frankly, we could both use the power of Pine Sol!"
2. "I don't know what that last dog ate, but my paint is peeling!"
3. "...then she said, "henceforth this shall be called the poop deck"."
4. "At least you have a liner!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
I’m not in the mood to talk trash.
That discarded candy wrapper deserved to get canned.
I usually get picked up once a week on this corner.
Today’s not pick up day so don’t blow your top.
Gray Amick, Greensboro
"You're feeling full? Lemme tell you about pressure, Pal!"
"You get no respect? You ever hear about Marmaduke and his habits?"
G. A. Rilling, Madison
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