The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
Ahhh!! Just smell the fresh doughnut gags. Dozens of them! Chocolate, glazed, jelly, creme-filled, sprinkled and powdered. Even Darryl C. returned from his year-off hiatus to serve up some tasty treats. Enjoy reading the captions, but be warned, you can’t stop at one and they’ll go straight to your hips.
(All kidding aside, there were a LOT of great captions this week. Congrats!)
And just because your cartoon didn't make it to the winner/runner-up/other votes circle doesn't mean we didn't like them. There were several really good gags that still fell by the wayside.
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
WINNER
Did you get his badge number?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
RUNNERS-UP
One thing’s certain, that’s not a self- inflicted wound.
Bill Wallace, High Point
"You're right...it DOES taste just like chicken!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
“It’s a shame he couldn’t just stop at eight.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"So you've had a little taste of the outside world."
Doug Cox, Albemarle NC
Not to worry. You've always been a right brain kind of person.
Darrell Clark
Call a doctor! He's lost a lot of glaze!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
D'oh!
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough
“Relax!!! That’s just an unusual birthmark!”
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
"He's in shock. Look, his eyes are glazed over."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"I told you to watch out for cops!"
George Cornett, Greensboro
"Now do you see why icing is trouble?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
No entries again
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
You were out of the “The Beatles: Rock Band” game, so I got “Milli Vanilli: Rock Band” instead. The problem is: the box was empty…
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
He just keeps muttering, Homer, Homer, Homer !!!
Darrell Clark
"I thought you said this was the audition for the sequel to The Wall..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
OK, Bob, I give up. What the heck is this referring to? (I never saw "The Wall.")
BEST/WORST PUN
“That’s what you get for requesting ‘Don’t Be Cruller’ by Elvis Pastry.”
“Don’t worry fellas, it just glazed me.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro
"He's in shock. Look, his eyes are glazed over."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
No more of that hole-ier than thou attitude, guys!
Peggy Clapper, Greensboro
BEST INSIDE JOKE
We’re back? Must be Tim’s got another case of insomnia…
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Trouble with the law again Tim?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
SO ENIGMATIC IT’S FUNNY
Dang, that was the piece of him with all the banjo playing skills. I'll miss that!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"Hoss, you and Adam take Little Joe inside. I'm going for Sheriff Coffee."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's head wounds!!!.
Darrell Clark
I expected better from Oprah!
Tim Tribbett
MATURE
"No, no Harold! We are leaving!! Some people just don't get the meaning of "Safe Word". Hand me my keys out of the bowl,"
Hope Jones
BEST POEM
NASCAR’s hot. It makes some people go nuts.
It needs money, no ifs, ands or no buts.
It could use, it would seem
Someone like Krispy Kreme
Who could sponsor the victory donuts.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
These humans aren't very cool,
They do not have a clue as to how to follow the planetary rules,
They are terrorists that's for sure, So be prepared for what we'll have to endure,
They will try to lick, bite and eat us,
But they will never ever defeat us!
(Tim, sorry I didn't get your surname right in my poem last week)
Nancy Nelson
Don’t worry, Ms. Nolson
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
You shouldn’t have told that barber, “Just a little off the top.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"So Bill, when did ya start parting your frosting on the side?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
"Billy...get me some Bisquik. Sam...I need some Chocolate Frosting...Fat Tony...warm up the oven..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
"Yeah...yeah...yeah...you've gotta headache...we heard you..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
"Cool Halloween costume Phil...very scary!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
You’ll survive. It’s just a flesh wound.
Bill Wallace, High Point
“So what’s it like outside the box?”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Yes Ben, we all hate Mondays.
Darrell Clark
Somebody turn off that #$%& "Hot n Now" sign!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Oh great! He wasn't that smart to begin with!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
My favorites: (The ones I voted for)
“I’m sorry, I like chocolate.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
(That one was probably my personal favorite)
"I told you not to pick at it..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
We have enough danger without friendly fire!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
He's lying. He got stuck to the top of the box.
Darrell Clark
THE REST
Don't ever...EVER...tempt a cop!
We're back? Must be Tim's got another case of insomnia...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You shouldn't have told that barber, "Just a little off the top."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
That convicted multiple murder makes doughnuts out of Cheerios. They're called cereal crullers.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I told you to watch out for the fat girl in the bakery.
Ken Layton, Carthage
No, we don't give sample bites.
Ken Layton, Carthage
Nope. I can't smell anything either...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I warned you about cops!
Flour surgery, for sure.
You say you were just sleeping on your plate?
Bob Sylvester, Greensboro
"No, no Harold! We are leaving!! Some people just don't get the meaning of "Safe Word". Hand me my keys out of the bowl,"
"OK guys we all are feeling a little stress behind the upper office shake up at the panthers this early in the season, but C'mon Harold!!"
Hope Jones
"How long have we suffered!! Who's here to protect us from those who protect and serve......
Hope Jones
I'm tellin' ya. If that guy goes "Time to make the doughnuts" one more time, I'm gonna scream!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
To all you Carolina Panther fans out there: We know we remind you of their win total in the pre-season. They will get better. We promise. Thank you.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Sure. In hindsight, it was a mistake to stop and ask directions from a policeman!"
We will perform a DNA test to determine the quilty one.
James Durham, Greensboro
Another fine example of police brutality!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
I told you not to stand next to the coffee!!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
It's always the chocolate ones first!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
"The chocolate doughnut is always the first to go."
"Her diet's over tonight - she'll be back!"
"Her diet's over - she's baaaack!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
"The chocolate doughnut is always the first to go."
"Her diet's over tonight - she'll be back!"
"Her diet's over - she's baaaack!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
"When I invested in Krispy Kreme stock, I lost a much lower part of my anatomy"!
Jimmy Caveness, Greensboro
That will teach you! Don't say "bite me" to a human being!
Bob Klippstein, Greensboro
What did you think was going to happen when you told the cop to bite you?
Jeanny Witzlsteiner
Did you get his badge number?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
"Our glaze armor has no effect."
"You're lucky, another quarter inch and he would have hit filling."
"Hoss, you and Adam take Little Joe inside. I'm going for Sheriff Coffee."
"Look at that bite radius. Somewhere in this kitchen is a great white human."
"He's in shock. Look, his eyes are glazed over."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"Bad boys, Bad boys...what'cha gonna do? What'cha gonna do when they come for you? Bad boys, Bad boys!"
David Holley, Greensboro
They said "take a bite outta crime,not outta you"!
Sheila Magee, Browns Summit
"So--I quess you'll think twice before hollering out "Bite Me!'"
Bonnie Amos, Greensboro
That cop came outta nowhere!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Do I have to give my cannabalism is wrong speech AGAIN!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
So..what's eatin' you.
Ruth Dance Edwards, Oak Ridge
"What a wound. Someone call 911, he's getting that glazed look to him."
Doug Clayton, Mcleansville
"Now, what's eatin' you, Duncan?
David Holley, Greensboro
Somebody turn off that #$%& "Hot Now"sign!
He's going into shock! Can't you see his eyes are glazed over?!
Call a doctor! He's lost a lot of glaze!
This means war!
He's just darn lucky that lady was watching her carbs!
I've warned you guys about getting too close to fat people!
You better just thank your lucky stars for good ol' Dr. Atkins!
Never ever ever call the cops!
Out of all the comebacks in the world you have to use "Bite Me"!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Did you get his badge number?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
You two are going to look just like Buster if you don't stop hanging around that coffee pot.
How many times have I told you to stop hanging around that coffee pot?
How many times have I told you to stop hanging around that coffee?
I don't want to hear any more complaints about how I don't let you wear makeup.
I don't want to hear any more complaints about how I don't let you wear icing.
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
C'mon, Ralph, you can tell us. What's eatin' ya?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
If you'd rolled around under the fridge like me this wouldn't have happened!
I told you guys to cover yourself in dried maggots to prevent this!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
When you wear a chocolate glaze you're just asking for trouble!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
I expected better from Oprah!
Tim Tribbett
Look at you!
Did they run out of milk then?
You always have to be different, don't you?
I don't want to know about the cannonball.
You'll be smiling next!
Are you sure these two are ours?
I've heard of cookie-cutters but that is ridiculous!
Keith Peddie, Greensboro
"How do you expect to be noticed?Put on some sprinkles,wear some frosting!"
"It is only the beginning. Before you know it, you will be drowning in coffee!"
"You 2 are about?? as appetizing?? as a couple of bagels!"
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro
All day at the party, undetected, unnoticed. But nooooo! You just had to peek out of the box didn't you. Well?
Michael Cotton
I sure hope you left a bitter taste in his mouth!
You really need a makeover! 3. Humans are Inhumane!
Duh, that cartoonist made us legs and feet so we could RUN!
Don't be a bunch of cream puffs!
Dunkin Doughnuts we're not!
I see someone among us got bitten!
Scream, Don't Eat Me!
Remember we're Ducking Doughnuts!
Who took a bite out of you?!
I see you're been hanging out with those cops again!
Chocos are the first to go!
Dressed to impress makes us more irresistable!
Whatever happens, don't say Bite Me!
Stay away from those coffee cups!
Remember this species bites!
Another one bites the dust!
When they try to bite, just kick them in the chin!
Ouch, I bet that hurt!
Don't let them smell you coming!
If you want to make it out alive, just go stale!
Nancy Nelson
"Well that bites..."
"You're right...it DOES taste just like chicken!"
"You needed that like you needed a hole in the head!"
"Say, 'Bite Me!' again..."
"So Bill, when did ya start parting your frosting on the side?"
"New do?"
"You needed that like you needed a hole in your gut!"
"Nah...it's hardly noticeable..."
"Well Rogaine ain't gonna help...how about PAM?"
"I told you not to pick at it..."
"I thought you said this was the audition for the sequel to The Wall..."
"Trouble with the law again Tim?"
"Had a run-in with the law I see..."
"Got yourself a BTD didn't you Don? (Bakery Transmitted Disease)
"My God Sam! That IS chocolate icing isn't it?!?!?"
"Dude...I don't think that brown stuff was icing..."
"Tim skipped breakfast again didn't he?"
"You could've had a V8..."
"The lamp shade bit was funny...but this...not so much..."
"Maybe a little red food coloring would help sell it..."
"What's next...The Hot Oven From Hell?"
"Yeah...yeah...yeah...you've gotta headache...we heard you..."
"Oh right...you expect me to believe it just FELL right off huh?!?!?"
"Billy...get me some Bisquik. Sam...I need some Chocolate Frosting...Fat Tony...warm up the oven..."
"I told you it should've said 'Free THE Doughnuts!' not 'Free Doughnuts' you idiot!"
"I smell fresh doughnuts..."
"Great...now I've got a craving for coffee..."
"Anybody got milk?"
"Well THAT's gonna leave a mark..."
"Well it ain't worth losing your head over for cryin' out loud..."
"Mom always said not to pick at your scabs..."
"Huh...I could've SWORN you were creme filled..."
"Ewe...creme filled...now you're gonna oooze..."
"Dang it Hank...couldn't you have at least worn a hat?"
"Cool Halloween costume Phil...very scary!"
"Mom always said Don't Play Ball In The House..."
"Oh yeah...like YOU blend..."
"You know...that little itch COULD be noticeable..."
"OK...I've got one...A Donut, a Cop, and a Cartoonist all walk into a bar..."
"That doesn't do a THING for your calorie count Phil..."
"Couldn't you have just stuck to your diet?!?!?"
"That's taking weight loss to an extreme don't you think?!?"
"You ever get that Not So Fresh feeling???"
"Dude...I don't think you're baked yet..."
"Dude! That was your skull...You're So WASTED!"
"Did you just eat your own head?"
"I'm not jealous...I'm disgusted!"
"Great...another liposuction gone bad..."
"NO! I DON'T want a piece of you..."
"That's not what I meant when I said I wanted a piece of you..."
"No...it's 'Take Another Little Piece Of My HEART'..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
It's time to launch the "Eate mor cookiees' campaign!
Darn it guys,stop being so delicious.
Repeat after me. A sprinkle a day helps keep Oprah at bay!
Jolly ol' saint nick my foot!
Why do they keep inviting us to all these conferences and meetings!
Dang, that was the piece of him with all the banjo playing skills. I'll miss that!
Never ask a fat barber for a little off the top!
Your escape plan had a hole in it!
Let's go hide out at Jenny Craig!
We have enough danger without friendly fire!
Never leave a man behind!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Uh oh,I don't like that glazed look in his eyes!
Tim Tribbett
"And then there were 4...Well...3 and 3 quarters."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Wow! Someone really chewed you out this morning!
Take heart ! Remember, we were at one time the "Dirty Dozen!"
Someone's having a bad hair day !
Just lucky you weren't dunked too !
Look on the bright side, the rest of them want touch you now!
Good thing the kid had to catch the bus !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Don't take it so hard, rejection is part of a sample's life!
Don't take it so hard, rejection is part of life!
Good thing she's on a diet!
See, They don't call that kid Jaws for nothing!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
19. Now, that's what we call a smack down!
9.(Redo) I see you've been hanging out with those cops again!
20. You just can't negociate with these terrorists!
21. I told you not to say, Bite Me!
Nancy Nelson
"So you're afraid to go the police?"
"You've been battered!"
"He came home with a glazed look in his eye and bite marks on his face."
"Told you not to walk in the police station!"
"Be careful when you offer to lend someone an ear!"
He got ran over by a cruller tractor tire!
"That's what you get for giving me that yeast infection!"
"Don't lie to me-I can see right through you!"
"So you've had a little taste of the outside world."
"Twice shy?"
"So you told the cop "Bite me!"?"
Doug Cox, Albemarle NC
1. Do you think these sprinkles make me look fat?
2. I see one of you got chewed out already!
3. Why, yes, I have been out partying. How did you know?
4. That's no way to have fewer calories, Duncan!
5. Whose butt shall we stick to this week?
6. No more of that hole-ier than thou attitude, guys!
7. Just because I look different doesn't mean I'm not as good as you!
8. Do you think I'm over-dressed for the party?
9. Is one of you applying to be the new Apple logo?
10. Yes, I know Krispy Kreme stock is moving up, but I'm not letting it eat at me.
11. Kids, remember just because we're dough-nuts doesn't mean I'm made of money!
12. I warned you about hanging out with that mouse!
13. Let's think outside the box on this one.
14. Looks like you're losing it, Duncan!
15. Duncan, did you ask your barber to "take a little off the top"?
Peggy Clapper, Greensboro
"See if you can comb your sprinkles over it."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"This is getting serious. There WERE 12 of us in the box."
"That's the same pattern of attack that the other 8 had."
"You two plain guys will probably go last!"
"I saw the cop take a bite.then put you down.Maple Frosting!!!"
"When that bite broke a tooth, I knew we were stale!"
"Cheer Up!!! In Donut Heaven we are always fresh!!!!"
"Relax!!! That's just an unusual birthmark!"
"Don't worry.you'll be fine.we'll patch you up with cookie dough!"
"And for the planned break, looks like only 3 of us can roll out of here tonight!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
"I told you it would come back to bite you!"
Debra S. Watson, Eden
I hope she gets a fat butt!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1. “Uh oh! It’s a Weight Watchers meeting.”
2. “You look like you just saw a police precinct.”
3. “So what’s it like outside the box?”
4. “Don’t worry it’s just a dough wound.”
5. “I guess we’re not so hot anymore.”
6. “Were you just Coffeeboarded?”
7. “You have to leave, you’re making the rest of us look stale.”
8. “Nothing scarier then the smell of coffee in the morning.”
9. “It’s a shame he couldn’t just stop at eight.”
10. “I’m sorry, I like chocolate.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
I hope that goes straight to her hips!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
I just knew the smell of fresh brewed coffee meant trouble!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"Uh oh, here she comes with an extra large coffee!!!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
It's cruel when they wound you and just leave you to suffer!
Tim Tribbett
Brother, you're just too sweet for you're own good !
I warned you the Boss would bite your head off !
Told you the barber would scalpe you before his coffee break !
Always said you were a hairbrain !
Just look at it as a bad hair day !
You're definitely a half-brain now !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
1.) You're lucky! Plain donuts ALWAYS go dead last!
2.) Whose idea was it to hideout in a #$% conference room.
3.)NO,we're NOT trading him in at cash for dunkers!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1. "I told you to watch out for cops!"
George Cornett, Greensboro
1. "When will you learn to stay away from any Weight Watchers conventions?"
2. "Now do you see why icing is trouble?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
1) There's got to be a better way to lose weight !
2) It's not only sick, it's cannibalism !!!
3) Stop whining. You can barely notice it.
4) To add insult to injury, he spat him back out.
5) Man, it's been one of those mornings.
6) Yes Ben, we all hate Mondays.
7) Look at the brightside. Now you have less fat.
8) That's no way to cut your cholesterol levels.
9) Not to worry. You've always been a right brain kind of person.
10) Careful out there. Remember we are the last of a dozen.
11) He just keeps muttering, Homer, Homer, Homer !!!
12) Something looks different about you. Did you lose weight ?
13) You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's head wounds !!!
14) He's lying. He got stuck to the top of the box.
15) Did you see how big that guy was, of course he's coming back for more.
Darrell Clark
P. S. It's good to be back !!!!
Great to have you back. Good stuff!
No, it does not make you look thinner!
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
Oh great! He wasn't that smart to begin with!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Oh great! He wasn't exactly mensa material to start!
Tim Tribbett
...Then the other Cop said "They are cheaper by the dozen".
Roy Crosier, Jamestown
D'oh!
How many bites to get to the center of a donut? Really?
So that's how Detective McRuff is taking a bit out of crime ...
You really thought going to a Simpson's Convention before the photo shoot was a good idea?
Did you really think that you solved the Dunkin' Donut versus Krispy Kreme Debate?
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough
Quick ! Call our cousins Lifesavers NOW !
The kid bit off more than he could chew when he grabbed you !
He got his teeth in you, but you choked him up pretty good !
He's all choked up ! Claims you had a hair on your head !
The Deacon, Lexington, NC
That’s what you get for requesting Don’t Be Cruller by Elvis Pastry.
Don’t worry fellas, it just glazed me.
He took one bite and then went back to that sleazy Pop Tart.
He said he’d rather wake up to a sleazy Pop Tart instead of me.
Let’s start a band and call it “The Eatles.”
I told you guys I’m not Danish.
You must have left a bad taste in someone’s mouth.
Let’s gang up on the Pillsbury Doughboy.
Who’s up for a Sweetshop Quartet
Class pictures are today and you show up with a hangover"
Gray Amick, Greensboro
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