The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 090409
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
This week, a list of our top winners including most runner-ups. Are you on there?
No one entered the Jr. category this week (unless I overlooked any, in which case, sorry ‘bout that. Remember to include “Jr. category in the subject heading of your e-mail.) What gives? Well, now that school is starting, maybe we can get some competition going between the different elementary schools. Teachers, what about it? Are your students ready to represent?
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
Ouch. O-for-two. Once again, I didn’t give you much to work with. The short list of contenders to choose from was indeed a very short list. Kudos to those who made it, though. You did a lot with not much to work with. I have to redeem myself this week. So I brought in some special guests to help. Straight from Brewster Rockit, it ‘s the doughnut People!
WINNER
"It must not work - my purse is still empty and you're still not Brad Pitt!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
RUNNERS-UP
“You just threw money down a well and wished for money? I’m married to a real genius.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
What’s a “Beyoncé?”
Ann Morrow, Greensboro
"You might want to try a $50."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
“You’ll be hearing from our attorney.”
Bill Wallace, High Point
"No, I feel fine Ralph, why?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
“Mother told me to be careful what I wish for - she was right.”
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro
No, it doesn't take credit cards!
Nancy Nelson
"Don't even think about it."
David Wharton
"The fine print says, no refunds, no exchanges."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
"Boy, will Angelina be surprised in a minute or two!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
I wish I had my dang nickel back.
Tribbett, Greensboro
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
No entries this week.
PSYCHIC MATURE ENTRIES
“Billy Mays here from beyond the grave….”
“Little Adolf’s teacher says that he’s a born leader.”
“Theirs was a mixed marriage. She liked Buck; he preferred Roy.”
“Listen up, Cletus. It’s thrust-thrust-squeal, not thrust-squeal-squeal!”
“Now to sing ‘We Are Family’, give it up for Charlie Manson!”
“Harry couldn’t understand why his idea for jalapeno suppositories didn’t work.”
“Nipsey Luther King just couldn’t escape his big brother’s shadow.”
“Big Earl made his living stripping for blind women.”
“Every Valentine’s Day, Fred received a bouquet of roses from his proctologist.”
“And now, a reading from the Hip-Hop Bible: And Jesus spoke: “Yo, my twelve brothers, check out these mad healin’ skillz…”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
Here’s a quarter. Made a wish that Winky can get that creature back into the cage without hurting his spleen.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Also, an inside joke candidate
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"You really thought that was One Eyed Willie's treasure?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"Forty years ago I was supposed to meet my date, Chester Copperpot here but he never showed."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Anyone here who recognizes these two references? Think 80s movie.
"I knew Terence Trent D'arby ... You're no Terence Trent D'arby"
Jon Barsanti, Hillsborough
Jon Barsanti, Hillsborough
... and 80s music ...
Why does Lassie keep dragging us to this well?
Tim Tribbett
BEST/WORST PUN
Will you ever learn to leave well enough alone ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Well, we COULD have made a wish if you hadn’t lost your wallet on that “Tunnel of Love” ride.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Every day, Rickard comes by, tosses in a buck and whispers “Make Brewster bigger than Peanuts.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Instead, I'm just WORKING for peanuts! Am I right, people?!
"I wish you would have never taken me on that tunnel of love ride."
"I wish I could win JOU just once!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
Here’s a quarter. Made a wish that Winky can get that creature back into the cage without hurting his spleen.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I see Bucky’s cousin’s found a job.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Brewster's in there, he thinks it's an amusement park ride! He just jumped in mumbling something about rescuing Bucky!
Nancy Nelson
“My wish already came true, Rickard used another couple for the Tunnel of Love cartoon.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro
Gray Amick, Greensboro
"Last week I wished for a 'Captions For Clunkers' program. Didn't work..."
"I'm wishing for Brewster Rockit...he's so dreamy..."
"I'm wishing for a Brewster Rockit Mirror! Mirror! series...Dr. Mel with a goatee...yummy...."
"See if you can get a funny caption for this cartoon outta that thing..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
SO ENIGMATIC IT’S FUNNY
“Why is a monkey chasing my mother?”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"You Blind Old Fool...this isn't the line at the IHOP!"
"For the last time Henry...Trix Are For Kids!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
In my day we had to wish into mud puddles and WE LIKED IT
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
MATURE
Hurry up and wish we were young again! That G string is riding up.
Tim Tribbett
"Find any Viagra in the bucket THIS time Henry?"
"Let it go Henry...you're not getting your virginity back any time soon..."
"What's the point? You'd still need a little blue pill!"
"I would've thought your first wish would be just to SEE it again..."
"Yeah...like you could keep up with her?!?!?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
BEST POEM
Maude and Jake passed a wishing well when
Maude thought, “Can’t I turn Jake on again?
My old body’s the pits.”
Then she threw in two bits.
“Make me look more attractive to men.”
So then Maude turned and said to him “Jake,
It’s a wishing well, for goodness sake!”
Then Jake cried out, “My gawd!”
For he noticed that Maude
Had turned into a porterhouse steak.
Ken Sheldon
My Bill fell
in that wishing well
And now he has a funny bizzare story to tell
he met Tim Richard rooting around down there, looking for some cartoon inspiration,
Tim poutly said his luck was running out, All he found was a few coins, some dead fish, and a corroded bell
Wet, tired, disgusted and fustrated, he yelled
for help and that's when my husband Bill
fell
in.
Nancy Nelson
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
“Here Harold, take my whole purse. We’re going to need all the help we can get.”
Mike Patton, Yanceyville
"Well I'm sure it won't work unless you let go of the coin."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
That's it. See? I said it was a hard one
THE REST
THIS is your big money making idea?
You can't put a wishing well in our front yard Harold!
I HEARD what you just wished for you dirty old man!
I HEARD what you just wished for!
I'd throw a nickel in but I'm afraid you would dive in after it you old cheapskate!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
You go in and get that quarter I threw in, and I'll go to the car. My wish might come true after all.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Well, we COULD have made a wish if you hadn't lost your wallet on that "Tunnel of Love" ride.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
No, I am not going to ride that bucket down to retrieve your penny!!
Art Claar, Burlington
1. Don't wish for peace and tranquility , it's not happening!
2. I heard that! 3. Haven't you heard a penny saved is a penny earned!
4. Show me the money!
5. Ask for wealth and better health!
6. I want to be a millionaire!
7. A penny for your thoughts!
7. That blonde isn't available!
8. Good luck with that one!
Nancy Nelson
Save your quarter Harold...even Viagra didn't work!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
I don't care how much money you throw in...I'm not jumping in there.
Chris Marland, Greensboro
Do you think Angelina Jolie would give you a second look?
Glenda Layton, Carthage
Wish me away and I'll counter your wish with a rap in the mouth.
Ken Layton, Carthage
I don't think wishes work on pot bellies.
Ken Layton, Carthage
Dear, do you really think we need a bucket list ?
Well, I wish you'd never wished to marry me too !
Did you wish I'd kick the bucket ?
Don't you know by now I like birthday candles or a star ?
Be careful what you wish for, you may get it !
Probably won't work, cause we never wish for the same things.
Wouldn't a star or birthday candles been more romantic ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Stupid dog... Told us Timmy's in the well, but he's not here.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Every day, Rickard comes by, tosses in a buck and whispers "Make Brewster bigger than Peanuts."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Go ahead!? Make my day!"
"Eh, it can't hurt."
"Be careful what you wish for..."
"Remember, no double dipping!"
"You break it, you buy it!"
"Harold, you have to do more than just stare at it!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
"Don't even think about it."
david wharton
Don't you dare!!
Wiley Auman
We're both wishing for the same thing . . . aren't we, Sweetums?
No, but I'll hold your ankles if you try for the pennies on the bottom.
Maybe if we both wish for a clean restroom with t.p.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
"Whaddya mean, the only way your wish will come true is if you throw me in?!"
"It must not work - my purse is still empty and you're still not Brad Pitt!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
"Use your own dime, I know what you're thinking"
Cal Sigler, Browns Summit
"Instead of jumping down my throat every time we have an argument, I WISH you would jump down this well"
Fran Meriweather, Browns Summit
"Forget it! You don't have that many coins!"
Nancy Thompson, Greensboro
9. You wish!
10. You old coot, you're throwing our retirement money down a hole!
11. Wishing won't make it come true!
12. Be careful what you wish for!
13. No, it doesn't take credit cards!
14. Did you throw your two cents in there?!
15. Haven't you ever here of priming the pump!
Nancy Nelson
Will you ever learn to leave well enough alone ?
Don't you get it ? The Will said enjoy your inheritance, your well-wisher, Uncle Joe. He got the last laugh again!
When you said you owned a well, I thought you meant an oil well!
What do you mean, wishing to live to be a hundred and shot in back by a jealous husband?
You're too wishy-washy to even do this right!
Dear, we're still doing a wishbone, when we return home!
When you told me you were well-to-do, I never dreamed of this!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"36-24-36?What is that, your lucky lottery numbers?"
"No, I feel fine Ralph, why?"
"Well I'm sure it won't work unless you let go of the coin."
"Now you did wish for Mother to have a safe flight in didn't you?"
"I heard you whisper Tahiti. You know I don't fly."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
1. "I wish you would stop throwing our money away!"
2. "Just climb in there and get our money back!"
3. "See, I told you I wouldn't turn into a beautiful young blond."
4. "I wish you would have never taken me on that tunnel of love ride."
5. "You're supposed to throw in coins not bills!"
6. "I wish you would stop wishing we were not married!"
7. "It should be called a money pit!"
8. "The fine print says, no refunds, no exchanges."
9. "At least, star bright, star light is free."
10. "Yes Henry, I hear the echo, but would you please stop yodeling into it!"
11. "I think we stand a better chance with the lottery."
12. "I wish I could win JOU just once!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
You know I never carry anything less than $20 bills in my purse.
NO . . . but I'll hold YOUR ankles while YOU dive for pennies.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
1.) Just grab enough for the bus home and we'll leave a note.
2) Howwward ,why did you empty your wallet in there? Oh no, I think I'm losing my voic....
3.) It's funny how all your previous wives just disappeared. Where's that horrible smell coming from?
4.) Why do you want to know how much I weigh?
5.) No,you can't hold me by my ankles!
6.) Why don't you wish for a bigger brain instead?
7.) Just grab enough for a new hip and we'll leave an IOU.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Stealing from wishing wells? Your geritol addiction is out of control!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"Hurry, give me some coins so I can wish that we get better at saving money!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
1.) OK,aside from those darn kids staying off our lawn what else would you wish for?
2.) Uh oh Brandon, I think your wish that we grow old together backfired!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
15. Let me put my two cents worth in!
16. Well, didn't I tell you it wouldn't work!
17. The only way you're getting anything out of that hole is to use that bucket and dig out the change!
18. Just our luck, it's broken! Nancy Nelson
"Dear, you know not all wishes come true"
"Shall we jump in together & see what happens".
Gerry McCabe
"If I hear my Mom's name in your wish,you're going down that well
tommy poole, thomasville
You're waiting here just to shout "a fool and his money are soon parted" at people?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
If it actually worked there would probably be more of a crowd.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Here's a quarter. Made a wish that Winky can get that creature back into the cage without hurting his spleen.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"I just made a wish?that I could ?read your mind. You better start running Charlie!"
"Don't get any ideas. You made a vow, for better or? for WORSE!"
"Dream on, Charlie!"
"The last time I made a wish, YOU showed up at my front door!"
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro
I see Bucky's cousin's found a job.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
1. "I wish you would stop calling me your little stink weed!"
2. "This is a bust. Let's try the fountains!"
3. "I wish you would have eaten fish instead of stewed cabbage and pinto beans."
4. "We wouldn't be doing this if you hadn't put our magic lamp in the yard sale!"
5. "I wish I had some water."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
"You are going to need more than a quarter and a blue pill to get your wish."
"I knew Terence Trent D'arby ... You're no Terence Trent D'arby" (Song: "Wishing Well")
"You're wasting your money - I am not Angelina Jolie."
"You'll have to wait until the next election like everybody else."
"Okay, we've switched bodies, now what, Mr. Wizard."
Jon Barsanti, Hillsborough
"Can I unwish the wish I made forty years ago?"
"Boy, will Angelina be surprised in a minute or two!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
1.) I wish I could remember what I wanted to wish for.
2.) I wish I had my dang nickel back.
2.) I wish to out live this old coot.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
19. How many times do I have to tell you, leave your change in the couch!
20. Eureka!
21. Brewster's in there, he thinks it's an amusement park ride!
22. It's not the fountain of youth!
23. He just jumped in mumbling something about rescuing Bucky!
24. Deal or no Deal!
Nancy Nelson
Just think it and I will put your butt in that basket and cut the rope.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
"Forty years ago I was supposed to meet my date, Chester Copperpot here but he never showed."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Go ahead! The rate of return beats the lottery.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
I wish we could remember where we parked the dang car.
2.) I wish our daughter would give us some freakin' grandchildren already!
3.) I wish our 45 year old son would move out of our house!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
If it's too good to be true, it probably is.
When I kissed that frog, I got you.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
In my day we had to wish into mud puddles and WE LIKED IT!
2.) I heard these new fangled wishing wells take debit cards
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
This is the Duggar Maternity Wing. Granted, it has only one room, but it DOES get lots of use.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
No matter what you do.... your hair is not coming back Henry.
Chris Marland, Greensboro
1. Well that didn't work. I'm not dead and you're not Brad Pitt.
2. Inflation!
3. What did you expect for a quarter?
4. I told you not to use that wooden nickel.
5. How long do you think we need to keep waiting?
6. It's not going to give you change.
Eric Grimm, Greensboro
That twittering twit should have watched where he was going.
Tim Tribbett
Hurry up and wish we were young again! That G string is riding up
Tim Tribbett
"You really thought that was One Eyed Willie's treasure?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Why does Lassie keep dragging us to this well
Tim Tribbett
1. “You just threw money down a well and wished for money? I’m married to a real genius.”
2. “THIS is our medical insurance?”
3. “I think I’m losing my voice.”
4. “Why is a monkey chasing my mother?”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"Go ahead, Dear, jump in..I'm wishing!"
"You wish there was a Clunker Program for wives!?"
"This is stupid.Let's go the Big Ball of String!"
"You wished for a falling star to hit me???"
"Put your 2 cents in.as usual!"
"Well Diamond Jim.toss a coin in and wish for something legal!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
You don't need to waste a wish on that. Just drink some prune juice.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"Make my wish come true, just jump in the damn well."
"Go down and get my penny back."
"Lying well"
"Tight wad. Give me that penny."
"I'm not spending my money."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville
"You realize if Pamela Anderson DOES show up I'll have to kill you, right?!?!?"
"Find any Viagra in the bucket THIS time Henry?"
"You might want to try a $50."
"...and NO, it's probably not deep enough..."
"I'm wishing for the hair on your back to move BACK to your head!"
"I'm wishing for more hair on your head and less hair in your ears!"
"You'll have better luck if you just jump in..."
"You dragged me away from the slot machines for THIS?!?!?"
"Oh Yeah?!?!? Well I'M wishing for your wish NOT to come true!"
"We do this every year...you make a wish and I come right behind you and wish for your wish not to come true..."
"You've got a better chance at getting a bucket of water out of that thing than anything else..."
"You better wish for more wishes..."
"Last week I wished for a 'Captions For Clunkers' program. Didn't work..."
"I'm wishing for Brewster Rockit...he's so dreamy..."
"I'm wishing for a Brewster Rockit Mirror! Mirror! series...Dr. Mel with a goatee...yummy...."
"Tuna On Rye?!?!? You got ONE wish and you wish for food?!?!? Oye Vey!"
"It's been 6 hours...will you PLEASE just wish for directions to the car?!?!?!"
"Did you say, 'Muzzle'?"
"That better have been a 'PUZZLE' you wished for...."
"Let it go Henry...you're not getting your virginity back any time soon..."
"What's the point? You'd still need a little blue pill!"
"Ewe! She's been dead for 6 years!"
"Let it go Henry...they're not bringing Matlock back to Prime Time..."
"THIS is your idea for a new reality show?!?!?"
"You Blind Old Fool...this isn't the line at the IHOP!"
"Let it go Henry...that coyote's never gonna catch that road runner..."
"For the last time Henry...Trix Are For Kids!"
"See if you can get a funny caption for this cartoon outta that thing..."
"That is NOT the secret entrance to the World's Biggest Bingo Tournament..."
"I would've thought your first wish would be just to SEE it again..."
"The Weather Channel is already ON 24 hours a day..."
"Filet Mignon?!?!? The last time you bit into a steak your teeth STAYED there!"
"Did a puppy REALLY fall down that well?"
"Forget it...you're never going to beat me at Boggle..."
"Yeah...like you could keep up with her?!?!?"
"What is it Timmy? Is Lassie in trouble?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
We're both 65, you wished for a wife 30 years younger, you will now become 95.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
Unfortunately, there's more in the bottom of that thing than in our retirement fund thanks to Bernie Madoff.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
After that all-you-can-eat buffet we?d better wish for a port-a-john.
Save your energy, The Weather Channel reports this well is abnormally dry.
My wish already came true, Rickard used another couple for the Tunnel of Love cartoon.
Gray Amick, Greensboro
"..and new boobs, and a facelift, and a firmer butt...OK, and now for me I'd like....."
"Don't you Dare try it again."
"Don't even think about it."
"Yeah, like those pennies you threw in when we met Mr.Madoff went so well."
"Yeah, like we got what we wished for when we met Mr. Madoff."
"You mean you WISHED for it to go like this?!!"
"Aim, George, aim."
"You've got to get a little closer, and I Promise, I won't push you in this time."
"I think it would be really romantic if you leaned over and yelled 'I love you' into the well."
" .............
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
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