The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 082809
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
Now that school is starting, maybe we can get some competition going between the different elementary schools. Teachers, what about it? Are your students ready to represent? Have them send in their captions.
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
Happy Birthday to Shelley, from your husband! (Ken)
Speaking of Ken, he serves-up another classic limerick in the poem section on this blog. And speaking of this blog, Bob Beitzel combines two categories into one new, hilarious category.
Ok, I knew this one would be trouble. I shanked this idea into the bunker and double-bogeyed. But, hey! This is what separates the pros from the hackers and a lot of you came in below par. See below for thos who eagled.
WINNER
I think I'll lip out and see if he's learned any interesting cuss words.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
RUNNERS-UP
Can you believe he seriously wore those pants out of the house this morning?
Chris Marland, Greensboro
"Even I find this game boring!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
"I'm filing for sexual harassment. This guy's been hitting on me all day long."
Kris Voy, Trinity
We're the only two left, everyone else is in the lake and woods!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I keep having the same dream. At the end of a round I’m eaten by a clown.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
“I lost 2 close friends in the woods this week.”
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Only seventeen more holes to go, it's going to be a long day!
Nancy Nelson
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
"Why do THESE GUYS get paid so much? We do all the work....."
Jordan Frye, 10, Millis Road Elementary
PSYCHIC MATURE ENTRIES
“Does this look infected?
“Would you like another hamburger, Mr. Gandhi?
“I possess volcanic sperm.”
“I take you, Lassie, to be my wife.”
“Dad, this is my new boyfriend, O.J.”
“Always check for an Adam’s apple, son.”
“Why is that sheep wearing my dress?”
“Call my doctor? If it lasts more than 4 hours, I’m calling everybody!”
“I’m sorry, she’s all tied up right now….and gagged.”
“I’d like to order a case of cucumbers and a plunger.”
“I was molested by Ronald McDonald.”
“In sports, A-Rod was suspended 10 games for pulling someone else’s groin muscle.”
“After years of resistance, the coroner finally gave in to temptation.”
“Little Jimmy was cured by praying to Conway Twitty’s sideburns.”
“Harry started an escort service with obese women called Cash For Chunkers.”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
I guess it was a long summer. I’ve never seen hand prints worn into a video game controller like that before.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"I think this is the hole with that crazy gopher."
Gray Amick, Bushwood Country Club
Gray Amick, Bushwood Country Club
I knew I could count on Gray for a Caddyshack Reference.
He's an excellent driver. Time for Wapner.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
BEST/WORST PUN
Putt ‘er there!
Ken Sheldon
Watch out for the Bogey Man!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
There must be a fairway to decide who goes first
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
“Who’s your caddy?”
Gray Amick Bushwood Country Club
I don’t like eating in the bunkers. All they serve is sandwiches there.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST INSIDE JOKE
"There's an Amber, I mean Albino, Alert out for every ball Tim Rickard has used today."
Gray Amick Bushwood Country Club
Gray Amick Bushwood Country Club
SO ENIGMATIC IT’S FUNNY
Call Lassie! Little Timmy fell down the well.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
MATURE
See psychic mature above
BEST POEM
At the tournaments held like the Wyndham,
Hopes are high as the golfers begyndham.
It’s in all of their prayers.
The goal of the players
Wythyndham: They’re yndham to wyndham.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
clever
My golfer can't be beat,
He was in the tournment this past week,
His putter's swing is right on track,
He's no duffer that's for sure, So far we're looking good, Easy does it on my back
He's keeping his eyes on the hole
He needs to stroke me with a nice gentle tapping roll
I'll easily go in that cup, And we'll make one-under par
I've taken him this far,
Now he'll pick me up, Hand me to his caddy and let him clean and dry me with his towel rag
And then he'll put me, his lucky ball, back in his big fancy expensive bag
He'll drive his cart up the greens to the clubhouse, His trophy and reward awaits within
and there he can celebrate his win!
Nancy Nelson
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
Watch out for the Bogey Man!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
They need some orange cones around that.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Oh, the usual… Going for a drive, doing a little ironing, puttering around. How about you?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I don't think even HE can miss this one
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Watch how mad he gets when I don’t go in!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
You have the cutest dimples.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
THE REST
No,no,ladies first. I insist.
2.) I think I'll lip out and see if he's learned any interesting cuss words.
3.) You have the cutest dimples.
4.) Me? Oh,I'm just puttering around.You?
5.) I hope it didn't rain last night.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
He must think this hole is a par 30.
2.) Is he allowed to blow on me like that?
3.) It's just too nice a day outside to go in.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Putt 'er there!
Ken Sheldon
Think I'll miss this hole and really hear the Tiger roar.
Ken Layton, Carthage
What do you say we get together after this hole for a beer or two at the club house?
Ken Layton, Carthage
"Help me....I need an aspirin, I was just hit in the bunker?"
Shauna Presley, Greensboro
Does this putter make me look fat?
Chris Marland, Greensboro
What's he doing back there?
Chris Marland, Greensboro
Watch how mad he gets when I don't go in!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
1. You better keep your mouth shut! You're next!!
2. Last one in is a rotten egg!
Pat Grant, High Point
I'll take the putter over the driver any day!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
Can you believe he seriously wore those pants out of the house this morning?
Chris Marland, Greensboro
I'm in big trouble. He wanted a hole in one.
Jim Soukup Greensboro
Putt, Putt!
2. I get to go first, I get to go first!
3. You first, no you first!
4. Whiffle, whiffle!
5. It so nasty down in there!
6. I'm not going in, I'm not going in!
7. Score!
8. No way!
Nancy Nelson
"I'm going in!!!'
"If I go in, look for me in the crowd!"
"Don't move, You are next!"
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro
Don't sweat it. We all look like we had real bad acne at one time.
We'll never fit in that hole if they leave the flag in.
I keep having the same dream. At the end of a round I'm eaten by a clown.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
He's on a roll today
He was a little tee-ed off earlier
I like dry courses better - more roll
I say we 'bag it' after this round.
I suppose I should have told him I have a fear of falling
Jon Barsanti, Jr, Hillsborough
"WOW! Have you seen John Daly?"
James O. Durham, Greensboro
Oh, the usual... Going for a drive, doing a little ironing, puttering around. How about you?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You go first. I have been in the hole all day.
Rose Scruggs, Reidsville
I'm in big trouble. He wanted a hole in one.
Jim Soukup, Greensboro
I wanted to be a basketball, but too many soft drinks stunted my growth.
If someone doesn't remove the pin it'll look like I'm doing a pole dance.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
You think this is rough, next stop is the driving range.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
Boy, do I have things to tell you. Meet me in the water.
Linda Stratton
"Let's Roll!"
David Holley, Greensboro
1.) Watch out for the Bogey Man!
2.)Here come da Bogey Man
3.) He's behind me right now,isn't he?
4.) When you said tee time I thought you meant Earl Grey and finger sandwiches.
5.) There must be a fairway to decide who goes first.
6.) I think I'm all tapped out.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1.) You look like you've seen the Bogey Man.
2.) He's an excellent driver. Time for Wapner.
3.) Poor ol' Phil never saw it coming.
4.) Hope you don't mind me dropping in.
5.) What a hacker. I've never seen such....he's behind me now, isn't he?
6.) I don't like getting smacked around but I guess it's just par for the course
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
9. That's Par for the Course!
10. Yuk!
11. It you don't hide it there, the Bogeyman with get you!
Nancy Nelson
Brighten up, only 17 more to go!
He said, " No lip, please!"
It's G-O-L-F ! Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden!
His eye on ball, your eye on hole!
That's life ! We go for the green, but end up in the hole!
We're the only two left, everyone else is in the lake & woods!
Tiger said, " Keep your eye on the hole!"
He's mypoic, that's why the pin stays!
My guy is nearsighted, ergo pin's in!
My guy is mypoic, ergo pin's in!
Pin stays, he's mypoic!
Pin stays, he's nearsighted!
Honey, I meant a T-E-A time!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
12. I've been teed off all day!!
13. Will you stop humming Tee for Two?
13. I told him to hit me with his best shot!
14. I'm calling the humane society!
15. Living green isn't easy!
16. It's better that being hit in the lake or grounded in that sand pit
Nancy Nelson
17. Ouch!
18. Fore!
19. Only seventeen more holes to go, it's going to be a long day!
Nancy Nelson
"Excuse me for putting in."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
"In my profession, you're always a week in the hole."
"Like a criminal, I get hit with a stick and thrown in the hole."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
"Tell me, are you up to par yet?"
Gerry McCabe, Greensboro
I don't think even HE can miss this one.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
20. If he hits me one time, I'm going to scream!
21. Rain drops keep falling on my head!
22. He'll be sorry, when I don't go in!
23. Shh!
Nancy Nelson
24. He rules with an iron hand!
25. Just once, I like to club him!
26. He walks tall and carries a big stick!
Nancy Nelson
What do ya thinks down there.
2.) Call Lassie! Little Timmy fell down the well.
3.) Did ya hear they put in a rec room down there?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Hey kid Get off my grass !
See what happens when you open your mouth
Don't worry. The putters facing the wrong way
Don't worry - he's got the wrong ball
Billy Rocket
"Even I find this game boring!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
"Why do THESE GUYS get paid so much? We do all the work....."
"I almost DROWN in a lake and they just hit me in the head?!"
"This is a promotion?! I wanna go back to the put put course!"
"The put put palace was funner, and there was a cute girl named Miss.Pacman in the arcade!"
Jordan Frye, 10 Millis Road Elementary
I don't find golf to be all that relaxing.
2.)Whoa Nelly! I almost fell in there.
3.) These stupid holes keep interrupting my morning stroll.
4.) I'm starting to think that jerk wants me to fall in there.
5.) They need some orange cones around that.
6.) I've got money on your guy.
7.) They sometimes put the flags at half mast at these retirement courses.
8.) I'd rather be fishing.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Did you remember to wear sunscreen? 2.) If he hits my dimple blister again I'm gonna scream.
3.) You come here often? 4.) When did they start using flags for putt putt?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Sooo, you're saying it's roll,drop and stop not stop,drop and roll?
I used to wear my best sweaters here until I got a hole in one.
I think that turf is giving me pimples on my dimples.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Hope you don't mind me dropping in like this.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Lassie was right.Somehow little Timmy fell into that hole.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"Does this look infected?
"Would you like another hamburger, Mr. Gandhi?
"I possess volcanic sperm."
"I take you, Lassie, to be my wife."
"Dad, this is my new boyfriend, O.J."
"Always check for an Adam's apple, son."
"Why is that sheep wearing my dress?"
"Call my doctor? If it lasts more than 4 hours, I'm calling everybody!"
"I'm sorry, she's all tied up right now..and gagged."
"I'd like to order a case of cucumbers and a plunger."
"I was molested by Ronald McDonald."
"In sports, A-Rod was suspended 10 games for pulling someone else's groin muscle."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
"I think this is the hole with that crazy gopher."
Gray Amick, Bushwood Country Club
Don't they about " inside the leather ? "
Nothing is a Gimmie anymore !
Gimmie a break, please !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Why 18? Cause it takes 18 shots to finish off a fifth of scotch ! One shot per hole. Now you know !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
It only took me two strikes to get here. Where have you been?
It's more fun to just let 'em think you're going to fall into the cup.
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, Florida
25. Just once I'd like to club him!
Nancy Nelson
"This is my last day on the Tour, I am?off to a driving range in Florida!"
"Did you hear about my Brother?He has a big cut on his back!"
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro
"Oh no, he said if I go in, someone is going to suddenly die."
"Big deal, I've got dimples on my chin too."
"Be quiet before I come over there and put a smile on your face."
"It wasn't a water hazard, I was just taking a bath."
"Be careful kid and for gosh sakes keep your head down."
"Well, the blows are getting progressively softer."
"No, this is five because back there he said fore."
"Well, I think it breaks to the left but what can I do?"
"Spot me a dime, Ralph, you know I'm good for it."
"Should I tell him I had a hot dog for lunch?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"I don't want to experience holeness!"
"I've always been afraid of depths!'
"Stop calling my dimples cute!"
"I really don't appreciate that cellulite comment!"
"What's in this for the little white roly guy?"
"After being used and abused, will I get a little green jacket, too?" "I'm filing for sexual harassment. This guy's been hitting on me all day long."
Kris Voy, Trinity
1. “Why does this guy keep calling me Mulligan?”
2. “I keep dreaming I’m a fireman.”
3. “Don’t let these practice putts fool you. As soon as we get to the first tee he’ll go ‘Medieval’ on us.”
4. “Call 911! This guy is beating me senseless!”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"I'm par for the course; how 'bout you?"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro
Hope you’re not claustrophobic.
Who’s your caddy?
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been teed off all day.
It’s at half mast because Callaway drowned on the water hazard hole.
Gray Amick, Bushwood Country Club
26. I'm on a roll!
27. A pro is the only way to go!
28. Don't roll over on me!
Nancy Nelson
"You let John Daly smash your dimples for a few holes and see how well you roll!
G.A. Rilling, Madison
I don't like eating in the bunkers. All they serve is sandwiches there.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I consider it a good day if I haven't taken a 9 iron to the face.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Did you hear Fat Tony got stuck?
Tim Tribbett
1. "You have to get over your claustrophobia."
2. "I lost 2 close friends in the woods this week."
3. "For fun.pretend to be going in and then do a 360 spin out."
4. "There are many hazards out there.deep woods, steep sandy beaches and infested waters."
5. "Most important.learn to read the green."
6. "Your first round?"
7. "Hey Dimples...catch you after the 18th!"
8. "Don't get lost."
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
30. Don't roll those eyes at me!
31. Roll on!
32. This game fits me to a tee!
33. Tee, tee, tee!
Nancy Nelson
It’s at half mast because a Top-Flite drowned on the water hazard hole.
Gray Amick, Bushwood Country Club
I wonder if we could fit a jacuzzi in there.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"I hate it when he yells FOR! FOR WHAT?? "
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
"Inside the leather. It is about as sexy as golf gets..."
"Never Up, Never In"
"Ah, the illustrious 4th putt."
"He couldn't find darkness at dusk."
"Just once I'd like to be thrown into the crowd."
"That will teach you for spinning instead of releasing"
Jon Barsanti, Jr, Hillsborough
"There's an Amber, I mean Albino, Alert out for every ball Tim Rickard has used today."
Gray Amick, Bushwood Country Club
"I see that you are green with envy."
"I'm having a ball."
"Why are you so t'eed off?"
"Oxy-10 will take care of your pimples on your dimples"
"It's a par anyway he slices them."
"As politicians go, it was a good flip-flop shot.."
"My aren't we 'chipper' this morning."
Jon Barsanti Jr., Hillsborough
"I was able to catch a pretty good head wind and hide in the woods for awhile... but then he found me."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Your dimples are prettiest when you smile!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
You go first I insist!
Jan Reese, Eden
Jan Reese, Eden
Advertisement |
Advertise with Us
Search News-Record.com
closeSearch News & Record Article Archives
Not all of the newspaper's content appears online.
*There is a fee for downloading some older articles.
