The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 081409
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
Our birthday greeting this week goes out to Christy Goodmon in Kernersville. Happy Birthday!
This week was dominated -- more than usual -- by heavyweights Tim Tribbett and Joel Clark. But our judges picked darkhorse candidate Bill Reese’s caption to win.
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
WINNER
"It'll never catch on."
Bill Reese, Greensboro
RUNNERS-UP
"You should get a patent. Folks are gonna be reinventing this."
Kris Voy, Trinity
Mr. Wheel, what do you call your invention?
David Weintraub, Bluffton, SC
Shotgun!
Nancy Nelson
"Are you sure this qualifies for Cash for Clunkers??"
No name given
You never let me drive.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
“Careful, remember what happened when you tried to carry fire home.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
You know, if you made your Life Savers a lot smaller, people might really like them.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Slow down - you're driving too fast!"
Mike Creech, Dayton, OH
“I swear I don’t know how that scratch got there!!!“
Joel Clark, Greensboro.
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
"Cash for Clunker"
Colin Davis, 12, Greensboro
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
Wait, you want ME to tell you what my husband wants? I am not going to be channeling my husband! Bill will tell you what he wants from the bar when he gets back from the men’s room.
Ken Sheldon
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"You think you have it rough? Take a look at poor old Sisyphus!"
Mark Prevette, Lexington
"Holy smokes, it's the Cash Cab."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Very Henry Moore!
Keith Peddie, Greensboro
I see you didn’t get the “B.C.” style with the axle you stand on.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Don’t worry, Keith. I’m sure you and Mick will come up with a name for your band somehow.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Why can't BARNEY change Fred's tire once in a while? He's right next door.
Larry Parrish, Greensboro
“Wow, Billy Mays can sell anything!“
Joel Clark
BEST/WORST PUN
Not many puns lately, unless I missed any
BEST INSIDE JOKE
"Dr. Mel's time travel maching has really left us in a mess this time Brewster!"
Mike Creech, Dayton, Oh.
Tim Rickard told you this would qualify for “ Cash for Clunkers”, didn’t he?
Jim Brewer, Greensboro
SO ENIGMATIC IT’S FUNNY
"Ugga, take the wheel! Take it from my hands..."
David Holley, Greensboro
This could also go in “obscure Cultural references”
MATURE
You guys kept it clean this week. Dang it.
BEST POEM
Alley Oop said, “What else could be coola
Than a car with four wheels, my dear Ooola?
Some day plants will be built,
Making cars at full tilt,
Then they're bailed out with taxpayer moolah!”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Brah was a caveman inventor.
He made a rock wheel,
and felt quite a thrill,
till it rolled in his wife
and did dent her!
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
Pretty much, most of the remaining captions were from these two:
BATTLE OF THE GIANTS: JOEL VS TIM PART II
They're going to give you 4500 clams for THAT?
Well, it is very fuel efficient.
Is that the new hybrid?
Taxi!
Ahh, me like new wheel smell.
I love this new valet parking.
You never let me drive.
How is this faster than walking?
I'll follow behind to tell you how to push.
How many pushes per mile does it get?
This much better than dragging by hair.
Slow down. This is a school zone!
Stop wasting time and go hunting.
Oooga's husband invented fire.
Maybe you should ask your friend Axle for help.
Those showoff Flintstones have the newer model.
We'll need some chains for the ice age
Tim Tribbett
“Great, next you can invent the D.U.I.“
“For some strange reason I have the need to tell you to slow down.“
“Ogg’s has spinners on his.“
“You spent our life-savings on that? I’m about to invent the divorce.“
“That’s not going to qualify for the Cash for Clunkers program.“
“But is it environmentally friendly?“
“Now all we have to do is wait for the dinosaurs to turn into fossil fuels.“
“My last boyfriend invented fire.“
“I swear I don’t know how that scratch got there!!!“
“You know that causes Global Warming don’t you?“
SHOT GUN!!!
“It’s the greatest thing since the…………nevermind.“
Joel Clark, Greensboro
THE REST
"Cash for Clunker"
Colin Davis, 12, Greensboro
"There you go again! Spinning your wheels on another stupid idea!"
Joel Leonard
1.)They're going to give you 4500 clams for THAT?
2.) Well,it is very fuel efficient.
3.) Is that the new hybrid?
4.) I don't see the point.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"I told you I didn't want that as a coffee table!"
Chuck Walker, Greensboro
It looks like the name for a type of music: Rock and Roll.
Ken Sheldon
You know, if you made your Life Savers a lot smaller, people might really like them.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You call that a bagel!
Joyce Spoon, Asheboro
"This is your wedding ring, don't ever take it off!"
Richard Longmire
I need to borrow the wheel to go shopping. The other girls think I dress too much like Fred Flintstone.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Are you getting that insured by Geico?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Are you sure this qualifies for Cash for Clunkers??"
No name given
"You got this deal for your clunker?"
Charles Tanquary, Greensboro
Honey, I told you the collar goes on the dog.
Kendall Bragg, Greensboro, 9
I understand the "clunker" part, but what is "cash"?
I see you've been down to the "Cash for Clunkers" demolition pit again.
With that wheel on our clunker we can get "cash," whatever that is.
I say it looks like a really big, really stale doughnut.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
That thing will never work!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
I told you, you should have turned left!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
I see you didn't get the "B.C." style with the axle you stand on.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Hi Tim,
Here are a few entries for this week's caption. Sorry I have not been around, I've miseed sending in entries.
"Hurry and park the wheel or we'll be late for the Stone Age."
"Dr. Mel's time travel maching has really left us in a mess this time Brewster!"
"Hurry and get that thing down to the lot before the discontinue cash for clunkers."
"Slow down - you're driving too fast!"
"Put your shoulder to the wheel, it will go faster."
"It's revolving...we're evolving."
"Can't you go any faster?"
"Global warming? What are you talking about? How can a wheel have any impact on the environment?"
Mike Creech, Dayton
"Fine. Now invent three more, and a rotating blade, and go mow the lawn already!"
kevin Little
"Are you planning on inventing something?"
Barbara Golding, Reidsville
"Your starting what, a car company called Jurassic motors? "
"Your building what, a Flintstones mobile?"
"Gravedigger monster truck? What's that?"
Chuck Armentrout
"It'll never catch on".
Bill Reese, Greensboro
Do you have it in baby blue and with fluid drive?
Ken Layton, Carthage
What are you gonna do with a stone doughnut?
Ken Layton, Carthage
1.) Taxi !
2.) Ahh,me like new wheel smell.
3.) I think you rolled thru mamoth droppings.
4.) I love this new valet parking.
5.) You never stop for directions.
6.) You never let me drive.
7.)How is this faster than walking?
8.)First pound cake turn out kinda dry.
9.)My mother gave us that fruitcake
10.)You can't park that here.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Don't worry, Keith. I'm sure you and Mick will come up with a name for your band somehow.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
" It's about time you fixed that spare!"
" I thought you would never finish that toilet seat! "
" The squeaky wheel finally meets the grease. "
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
1. That's more comfortable than using your shoulder.
2. Keep on pushing...can't stop now.
3. Someday you'll be known as the first Rolling Stone.
Gilbert Howell, Greensboro
So-----What's the big deal?
Wiley Auman, Jamestown
"Wasting your time with another silly invention! "
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
I have a couple of suggestions for a caption:
"A little too much Krispy in that Krispy Kreme."
"I told you I wouldn't go out with you again if you didn't get some new wheels."
Jim Fisher, Jamestown
If you hadn't put a hole in it, we could have used it as a table.
Cal Sigler, Browns Summit
Always thinking of yourself, the kids will never fit on that thing!
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach VA
How you coming along on today's honey-do list ?
Your wheel of fortune appears kind of stuck !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington, NC
"What's the gas mileage?"
"What's this, another harebrained idea of yours?"
"And just how is this going to put food on the table?"
"That's four in a row, now what?"
Larry Tyrell, Stokesdale
Very Henry Moore!
Make it much smaller, fry it and cover it with icing!
I wonder what a psychiatrist would make of that!
But what makes you think the Romans want one?
But I ask you, is it ethical?
OK - so it rolls!
As a spare wheel, it will be a dead loss.
Whose neck are you going to hang it around?
It'll never catch on.
OK - now what can you use it for?
Paper-weights are so passe!
Just because you can do it, does that mean you should?
Keith Peddie, Greensboro
Mr. Wheel, what do you call your invention?
David Weintraub, Bluffton, SC
1.) Hey pal,pedestrians have the right away.
2.) I'll follow behind to tell you how to push.
3.) Did you get the roll back insurance for hill travel?
4.) Watch out for deer.5.) Where do I sit?
6.) How many pushes per mile does it get?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
I'd like to buy a vowel.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1) And just what is THAT supposed to do for the world, genius?
2) What IS it with you, ALways with the reinVENTing?
3) Why can't BARNEY change Fred's tire once in a while? He's right next door.
4) I don't think Inventions-R-Us is gonna have much use for THAT, Harry.
Larry Parrish, Greensboro
1.) Me feel strange urge to buy vowel.
2.) Me follow behind and say what you do wrong.
3.) Me solve puzzle now. "Yabba Dabba Do"
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"How do you plan to get it back UP the hill?!"
"I liked better the square you made. More useful!"
"I'll take it and three more like it!"
"That's my birthday gift!?"
"Life Saver?; That's an unusual name"
"I see moss on this side!"
"One month in your shop and this is it!?"
"I'll bet the mileage is great!"
"You're floating down the river on that!?"
"Interesting, but it will never amount to anything!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
"Another one of your hair-brained inventions?"
Bill Mulholland, Greensboro
"What do you want with Mother and what's a crash test?"
"Do you really think that will help your hemorrhoids?"
"Holy smokes, it's the Cash Cab."
"Saks Fifth Avenue and step on it."
"Do you run on yak meat or do you have to have brontosaurus?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"Whoa honey, you're giving off way too much emissions."
"All right, it looks good but how does it handle?"
"O.K, but before you buy it, you better have our mechanic look it over."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
1.) Thanks for the lift.
2.) Looks like snow.Where are your chains?
3.) Taxi! Follow that wheel.
4,)Hey,looks like you've gathered some moss.
5.) Do you have the parking wedge on?
Tim Tribbett
"You know, I think you were right after all...it does
look better on the third floor"
Roy Lawrence, High Point
You're really a good roll model for our kids !
Guess I'm married to a big wheel now !
Since when did you become such a big wheel ?
Listen, you're not rolling over me anymore !
Dear, where you rolling off too now ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Hyaa ! Rollin, rollin, Hyaa ! Rawhide !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"That's the third time this week you have invented that!"
Dick O'Donnell, Kernersville
What is that useless thing?
One of these days you are going to come up with someting that people can use!
Ah, the invention of the doughnut
Maby we could use it for a table
Boat anchor? First we must invent the boat
Boat anchor, whats a boat?
What's a Rex doughnut?
I don't understand why you waste your time trying to invent stuff.
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro
"Og, are you re-inventing, again???"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
"You know, Og, you could really hurt someone with that ring buoy."
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point
"It's not necessary to reinvent the wheel, George."
Marcia James, Jamestown
1. "I said I wanted to rock and roll, not roll a rock!"
2. "I'm starting to see...yes, this will be better than squatting over the trenches."
3. "But, how will you cross rivers?"
4. "What's a toilet seat?"
5. "Take it back, everyone is laughing!"
6. "What's a hula hoop?"
7. "We are not advanced enough for this."
8. "Why do we need a peep hole?"
9. "I said I wanted to see more people, not see through a peep hole!"
10. "Have you been visiting those strange people at Stonehenge again?"
11. "Ms. Auel will be so surprised!" (think Jean Auel author of "The Clan of The Cave Bear" series)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
1. "Are you sure this will work as a life preserver?"
2. "Do you really expect me to eat that doughnut?"
3. "That fell on your head?"
George Cornett, Greensboro
1. Ugh!
2. But, I wanted a convertible!
3. Men and their boy toys!
4. I'm not getting in there!
5. Are you crazy, I'm not riding on top!
6. Shotgun! 7. It's not the Stone Age, ya know!
8. Can you do a Wheelie?! 9. Nice firepit!
10. So this is our wheel of fortune!
11. Where's your hoop!
12. I see your mother's been cooking again!
12. How much did it cost us!
13. Now is the time to trade this clunker in for cash!
13. Fred and Wilma have a newer model! Remember, Reduce, Reuse, Recycle!
Nancy Nelson
Tell Kong to stop leaving his wedding ring on the floor!
That will never fit my finger
3 years of work on that will never pay off
What good is it?
It would work better if it had square corners!
That is the biggest "round toit" i've ever seen!
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro
You actually think the government will give you $4500 for THAT!
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach VA
15. That thing going to become a millstone around your neck!
Nancy Nelson
While you're out, can you pick up some diapers?
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
"Firestone old boy, this might be your best invention yet!"
"I told you to chisel a spare!"
"The day people ride around on these things will be the end of the Stone Age as we know it."
Mark Prevette, Lexington
1.) You always find a way to cut corners don't you?
2.) Better take out a patent.
3.) I guess I get the honor of cleaning up the stone dust and rock pieces.
4.) I just know you won't end up getting any credit for this Hub.
5.)This not Lexus I ask for Og.
6.)This much better than dragging by hair.
7.) I would avoid the hill country if I were you.
8.) Slow down.This is a school zone!
9.) Stop wasting time and go hunting.
10.) Oooga's husband invented fire. 11.) As family transportation it leaves alot to be desired.
12.) I was wondering what all that chiseling was about.
13.) Every time you go thru school zone me have to clean kid guts off wheel.
14.) This much better way to hunt squirrel than spear.
15.) I saw another really big spider over by the fire.
16.) What roadkill did you bring home tonight?
17.) You tie the bad tooth to that then roll it down a hill?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Maybe you should ask your friend Axle for help.
Tim Tribbett
16. Dude, that's HEAVY!
17. I'll have to swig a lot of grog to ride in that!
18. Have you been drinking grog again!
19. No, I don't want to in your posse! 20. So you want to be a NASCAR driver!
Nancy Nelson
"Are we there yet?"
"Better ask for directions."
"You forgot the GPS?"
"They didn't have ONSTAR."
From Bill Lawson, Stoneville
"Those pinto beans are making you spark knock."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
15. That thing's going to become a millstone around your neck!
19. No, I don't want to be in your posse!
21. This is not how you become a Rolling Stone!
22. Does it come in any other color?!
Nancy Nelson
Alan, so you've invented rock n roll! Now, how do we play it?
Duncan, your recipe is still wrong! You've got to make'em much smaller, crispy and creamier.
Let's call it Tirestone!
Still too big! You'll never get a dozen in a box.
Mike Riley, Jamestown
1. “I can’t keep up with all this new technology.”
2. “Would it have killed you to mount a couple of diamonds on that ring?”
3. “Careful, remember what happened when you tried to carry fire home.”
4. “You’re such a nerd.”
5. “What’s a donut?”
6. “Carl, I think you’re getting carried away with this ‘Go Green’ thing.”
7. “I thought you said you invented Rock & Roll.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"For some reason, it makes me feel hungry."
Madeline Duval, Greensboro
Marcy Rockowitz has fire, what are we supposed to do with that?
Couldn't you just bring a club? It's only a costume party!
Rock band? Logo??
You know Rock, you just might have something there.
I was hoping for something with a lower profile.
Now how am I supposed to get that on my rims!!!
It's just a hamster, couldn't you have used wood?
When you said, "We'll roll into the new year in style!", I had something else in mind.
Les Thomas
"You think you have it rough? Take a look at poor old Sisyphus!"
Mark Prevette, Lexington
Next ting you know he will be telling us the world is round
Paul Seagraves, Graham
It will never replace the square peg
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro
"Ugga, take the wheel! Take it from my hands..."
David Holley, Greensboro
That better not be the top of our dining room table!
Tim Tribbett
"Is this another one of your worthless projects?"
"Round up three more of these and take me out to dinner!"
"You should get a patent. Folks are gonna be reinventing this."
"Take your junk out of my living room right now!"
"Is this gonna be piled up in the cave along with your wedge, pulley and lever?"
Kris Voy, Trinity
1.) You're going a little overboard for a simple little costume party.
2.) Those showoff Flintstones have the newer model.
3.) I see you picked up the stonebelted model.
4.) It's not good transportation but you've really slimmed down.
5.) We'll need some chains for the ice age
Tim Tribbett(ugh,worst week of captions I've ever had I think)
1) "But is it practical?"
2) "Great, next you can invent the D. U. I."
3) "For some strange reason I have the need to tell you to slow down."
4) "Ogg's has spinners on his . "
5) "SHOT GUN !!!! "
6) "When you said you had wheels this isn't what I had pictured ."
7) "You spent our life-savings on that ? I'm about to invent thedivorce."
8) "That's not going to qualify for the Cash for Clunkers program. "
9) "Wow, Billy Mays can sell anything!"
10) "But is it environmentally friendly?"
11) "How about inventing the house first?"
12) "You scared me ! For a second I thought that was my engagement ring."
13) "Get over yourself ! It's not like you invented fire ! "
14) "You showed it to Ogg before you got a patent....IDIOT!!!"
15) "It's the greatest thing since the....nevermind."
16) "Now all we have to do is wait for the dinosaurs to turn into fossil fuels."
17) "Now all you have to do is invent the blimp."
18) "My last boyfriend invented fire."
19) "I swear I don't know how that scratch got there!!!"
20) "You know that causes Global Warming don't you? "
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Are you ready for your first open wheel race?
Tim Tribbett
Just be glad it?s the unicycle and not the 18-wheeler.
I bet these dinosaur Lifesavers will make great toilet seats.
Let's see you leave this toilet seat up!
Conserve your energy, since it?s tax free weekend and I bought three
more.?
This is the worst roll over plan we?ve ever had.
These will make great mother-in-law life preservers.
"Hurry up, the Flintstones invited us over for Scrabble tonight."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
"I don't know why, but it's making me crave something sweet, where I can be surrounded by men in uniform."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
" I don't get it."
" Is this what you meant when you told me that you are a rock star?"
" I asked for an armoire."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
I told you to stop and ask for directions, but do you listen? NNOOOOOO!
Tim Rickard told you this would qualify for " Cash for Clunkers", didn't he?
Jim Brewer, Greensboro
You honestly think you're gonna get $4,500 for that piece of junk?
Okay Mr. Fixit, butI don't know why you just can't get a toilet seat from Lowes.
Yeah, Mick, that's a great logo!
I've got it!! Let's print Hot 'n Now on it!
All it needs now is a back seat driver.
Body-piercing for King Kong? Isn't that going a bit far?
Sam Penry
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