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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
Happy Birthday to Jordan and CC!

WINNER
Oh,I forgot I need three gnats and a dung beetle for my class project tomorrow.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

JR. DIVISION WINNER
"I wanna grow up to be CHARLOTTE one day!!!"
Jordan Frye, age 10 today!!!

RUNNERS-UP
Mommy, I thinked I webbed the bed again!
Dave Bohannon, High Point

"Great, now I feel like I have humans crawling all over me."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Hey Mom, Can I surf the web tomorrow?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

What's a Tuffet?
Frank C Leonard, Lexington

"Well, if that's what happened to Dad, I don't want a girlfriend."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"I won‘t be able to sleep unless you check under my bed for rolled-up newspapers."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"I miss Dad. Sorry you ate him."
Kevin Little

PSYCHIS ENTRIES (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
(cue eerie music...) (No, not the music from Raiders Of the Lost Ark... something more... ethereal) (Oh Great. Now, I've got the music from the "Ark" stuck in my head.")
"Only my hairdresser knows for sure."
"You had me at Hello."
"Use your Indoor Voice!"
"Why is the sky blue? Heck, who knows how anything works... look at Donald Trumps hair."
"Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!"
"I could really go for a nice Chianti and some fava beans....smp...smp...smp..."
"Just when WERE you planning on telling the kids about the birds and the bees??"
"Phlebitis? I thought he said "Flea Bites"... well, that's a relief!"
"I didn't forget...I just didn't rememer."
"Shhhhh, I think he's sleepwalking again. Last time he gave me the safe combination."
(music from Raiders of the Lost Ark gently fades into silence...)
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
…and then Barney said "Gomer get down there with them spiders."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"So Spiderman would never have existed if it hadn't been for you?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

BEST/WORST PUN
Enough reading, let's search the web.
Leroy Clark, Greensboro

Grandmother, they get married in a big webbing at the end !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

No whey!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Oh come on mom.....Please read me another Webtime Story......
Robert Belton

SO ENIGMATIC IT'S FUNNY
"We really need a TV"
Kristyn Carter, Reidsville

BEST INSIDE JOKE
I don't want to hear "The Cat in the Hat." It reminds me of the Meow Mix jingle.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I sure hope that's a picture book because you can't read with no mouth!
Nancy Nelson

I just love Brewster Rockit though, don't you?
Your friend Bucky

"It was those glasses and hairdo that scared Miss Muffet away, right?"
"Uh, it's sort of hard to hear you without a mouth."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

BEST POEM
I like stories! I want to hear more
About webs and the like I adore.
The most popular yet's
Where the whole internet
Was invented by V.P. Al Gore.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Ken, your limericks kick a**!!

The twitter glitter spider
walked out into the street
out came the iphone
so she could catch a tweet
and she sent an e-mail
to Tim for J O U
then the twitter glitter spider
set off to see the zoo.
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

MATURE
"Mom, what is that hour glass shaped spot above Uranus " ( inspired by Bob Beitzel )
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"I like Dice's version of Little Miss Muffet better."
"This time, make Little Miss Muffet a crack whore."
"What the hell are curds and whey?"
"Curds and whey? Sounds more like ‘Big Ass Muffet' to me."
"Climbing up a drain spout during a rainstorm? The dumbass deserved to drown."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

OTHER TOP VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
Did you pack me a fly for school?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Enough reading, let's search the web.
Leroy Clark, Greensboro

Mom, exactly what is a tuffet?
Dianne Holcombe, Greensboro

"You and Dad went out for a bit, Where's Dad!?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Mama, can I get a red hourglass tattoo on my stomach like Kelly?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

THE REST
1.) Can I have a glass of bug juice?
2.)Is this the part where you kill and eat dad?
3.)Did you pack me a fly for school?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1.) Is this the part where you whitewash what you did to dad?
2.) So that mean ol' hobbit stabbed the poor innocent spider?!
3.)Why isn't dad in our photo album?
4.)Will you leave a firefly on for me?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Oh,I forgot I need three gnats and a dung beetle for my class project tomorrow.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1.)Mommy,can I have a drink of waterbug?
2.) That little miss muffet is a $#%&.
3.)Well,more curds and whey for the spider I guess.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

If I have to listen to Isty Bitsy Spider one more time I'll go mad.
Diane Johnson, Siler City

"Not Little Miss Muffet" again!
Ben and Shirley

Mom, exactly what is a tuffet?
Mom, why did MIss Muffet run away?
Dianne Holcombe, Greensboro

Is that the story where aspiderspinsawebtosaveapigandeverybodyishappybutshedies? No. I haven't heard it.
Ken Layton, Carthage

I'm tired of hearing about Charlotte.
Glenda Layton, Carthage

Do the part of the pig in a high, squeaky voice.
Ken Layton, Carthage

I don't care what she says, Ma! Miss Muffett had it coming!
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

"Grandma, why are there only females on our family tree?"
"I'm living a life of quiet futility, crawling up the water spout!"
"I just seem to suck the life out of everyone around me."
"Why do we always choose a corner lot?"
"Is it politically correct to call me itsy-bitsy?"
"Mama, you're not chubby. You have a fine hourglass figure."
"Is this material suitable for minors?"
"Grandma, can you leave two flies on the nightstand in case I wake up hungry?"
"It just doesn't seem right to pray for flies, bees, and caterpillars to wander into our web."
"What's wrong with a burger, fries, and smoothie every once in awhile?"
"The takeout menu has no vegetarian choices."
"Grandma, why should I select a plump, juicy husband when I grow up?"
"Large, plump and juicy...is that the same as tall, dark and handsome?"
"Why do all of our fairy tales end with Tastily Ever After?"
"I thought the girl and the guy are supposed to live happily ever after, Grandma."
Kris Voy, Trinity

1. Why are we always the villains in these stories?!
2. Mom, you're scaring me! Humans can't be that bad!
3. That itsy bitsy spider wasn't too smart, was he?!
4. When I grow up, I'll bite them all!
5. I thought you wanted me to go to sleep, now I'll be up all night!
Nancy Nelson

You know, Mom? I'd say that Little Miss Muffet's got some issues!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I promise I'll wash my sticky feet after you read to me.
Read something besides the "What a Tangled Web" story, okay?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

And thanks, Mom, for buying me four new pairs of sneakers.
I said my bedtime prayers -- didn't you hear me ask for a fly?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Ah, come on mom. Just one more fly and glass of milk
before I go to sleep.
Pam Hart, Siler City

Tommy tried that miss muffet thing and he got SQUISHED!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1.)Uh oh,I thinked I webbed the bed again!
2.)Sniff,You mean Charlotte is dead?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

When Charlotte wrote "SOME PIG" on her web, it made me hungry for some bacon.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Grandma, read the one about the fly who came to dinner.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"This Miss Muffet sounds like a big wimp."
"I miss Dad. Sorry you ate him."
Kevin Little

Is that a bedtime snack hiding in the corner?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Oh no! The last time you read me Charlotte's Web I had nightmares for a week."
Steffany Gamsby, High Point

This story is too scary, I think I just webbed myself!
Dean Tribbett, Va Beach VA

1.) Make the screaming sound when Miss Muffet sees the spider.
2.)That miss muffet is a bigoted beeyotch!
3.) Web's shaking,better go pack my lunch.
Tim Tribbett

Enough reading, let's search the web.
Leroy Clark, Greensboro

"But I don't like Curds and Whey..."
"Tell me the story about Peter Parker and MJ ..."
"I want to learn about the world wide web ..."
"Mom, are there Black Widower Spiders ..."
Jon Barsanti, Hillsborough

"Mommy, why doesn't Daddy ever read me a bedtime story?"
Lynn Brogan, Greensboro

Grandmother, they get married in a big webbing at the end !
I hope the bed bugs won't bite tonight, grandmother !
Grandmother, you sure spin a good yarn !
You pick the best websites & books, grandmother !
Mommy, you sure inherited Granddaddy Longlegs looks !
Read faster ! I want to hear about the big Marriage & Webbing at the end !
Mommy ! I want to see Spiderman's picture !
Mommy ! Careful ! Don't squash Spiderman when you close the covers !
These covers are good, between those covers I could get squashed !
Are you feeling a little strung out, grandmother ?
Can we web order another copy for Granddaddy Longlegs ?
I'm a leg up on my classmates because of your reading !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Why in all the nursery rhymes that you read to me, do the spiders get the bad rap."
Ethan Chaplin, Jesse Wharton Elementary, Age 9

Here's my try of the week: "Not Charlotte's web again!"
"So where did you say Daddy went again?!"

6. Well I still like Spiderman!
7. Why did Miss Muffet run away, all he wanted was some of her curds & whey?!
8. Mom what's curds and whey?
9. I need some clean sheets!
10. Sounds like Charlotte's Web is the place to be!
11. Aunt Susie, I want to be a Taranchula when I grow up!
12. How am I supposed to get the fly into our parlour?!
13. Granddaddy Longlegs died such a horrible death, under the boot of Farmer Brown!
14. Are you a Black Widow Spider, where's my daddy?!
Nancy Nelson

1.)The screaming flies are drowning you out.
2.) No whey!
3.) Not the Terminex story! It gives me nightmares!
4.) Can I have a glass of warm bug guts?
5) Better speed up! I just accidentally bit myself!
6.) Oh geez Ma! Not the album of your old web designs.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1.) Seriously,you really need to get a kindle.
2.) I heard Tommy's family got evicted by a whisk broom!
3.) If they foreclose will this become a cobweb? 4.)Hold that thought.That last fly is going straight thru me.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

15. Those humans are creepy!
16. I sure hope that's a picture book because you can't read with no mouth!
17. Let's FACE it , this will never work!
18. I Spi-der in the cellar!
Nancy Nelson

1.) If a page is missing we can probably find it on the web.
2.) If you had a kindle we could just download from the web
Tim Tribbett

Oh come on mom.....Please read me another Webtime Story......
beltonrobert

19. I've made my web and now I must lie in it! Nancy Nelson

Mom, why haven't we pushed the evolution envelope?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Aw, Mom, Charlotte's Web again???"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

Stop mommy ! What is a tuffet and why is she frightened ?
Shouldn't she have shared her curds & whey instead of running away ?
What's a Tuffet ?
Frank C Leonard, Lexington

"I'm scared!! There are BIG flies under my bed!"
"Read 'Little Miss Muffet' again!"
"Mom, why have you eaten everyone else?"
"You and Dad went out for a bit, Where's Dad!?"
"I"m thirsty. Can you get me a glass of bug juice?"
"I have to pee."
"Can we rent a Spider Man video?"
"Mom, when do I get a red spot on my back"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

Was Charlotte a Black Widow or a Brown Recluse?
Could I have some fly specks and mosquito legs for dinner?
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"You skipped the part about Little Miss Muffet"
"Oh what a web we weave, when we practice to deceive"
Bob Fuller, Greensboro

20. Grandma would you like me to read you a story?
21. I wrote to Fern and Wilbur on my WEBsite but they never wrote back!
Nancy Nelson

1) so the wife killed all her husbands? why do they call her a black widow?
2) im not scared of the book mom, im scared of heights!
3) is that the same book they used to kill dad?
tyler olson greensboro

1) Not Miss Muffet again!
2) I wanna watch TV!
3)What's a "tuffet" ?
4 "I wanna meet that Tuffet girl!"
Bill Beerman, Gteensboro

I don't want to hear "The Cat in the Hat." It reminds me of the Meow Mix jingle.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"How come only the princess lives happily ever after?"
Karen Amick Clark, Greensboro

"We really need a TV"
Kristyn Carter, Reidsville

" Mom the itsy, bitsy, spider is getting a little old!"
"They should make more stories about spiders!!!"
Abbey Carter, 9, Wentworth Elementary School

"Great, now I feel like I have humans crawling all over me."
"So what was she scared of, the curds and whey?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1. "Grandma, don't move! Something's crawling up your back."
2. "I'm thirsty - can I have a drink of bug juice?"
3. "I won‘t be able to sleep unless you check under my bed for rolled-up newspapers."
4. "Grandma, do you think Dr. Seuss can fix your spider veins?"
5. "Don't read ‘teensy weensy spider' it makes me wet the bed."
6. "I can see dead people."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

YOU REALLY BIT HIS HEAD OFF?
JUDY REGISTER, MCLEANSVILLE

1 Mommy, what's a tuffit?
2 Read me the part where "gram-pa" frightens her away again.
3 What are "curds and whey"?
4 I don't get it, why is Winkie always screaming "Agh, my spleen"?
I just love Brewster Rockit though, don't you?
Your friend Bucky *

"Why are you called a black widow, and what happened to daddy?"
"Read the part where Little Miss Muffet runs away again."
"Just what the heck are curds and whey?"
"Mom, when I said I wanted access to the web, this isn't what I had in mind."
Mike Creech

But I don't want to be web schooled.
TF

1. What do you mean it's about a pig?
2. Read the one about Uncle Carl and that little miss muffet.
3. Eight is enough isn't about spiders?
4. When I grow up will I be a Spiderman?
Eric Grimm, Greensboro

I think Itsy Bitsy has big webbing plans for Miss Muffet !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

How was I to know Little Miss Muffet was toxic?
elaine snipes

How was I to know Little Miss Muffet was poisonous?
elaine snipes

1. "Can I marry Charlotte when I grow up?" (thinking of the spider in Charlotte's web)
2. "So Spiderman would never have existed if it hadn't been for you?"
3. "Hey Mom, Can I surf the web tomorrow?"
4. "Mom, I'm going to start my own website when I grow up."
5. "Are we from Iraq and part robot too...'cause Tommy said I was an Iraqnoid."
6. "That octomom's got nothing compared to you."
7. "We make lots more silk than those silly worms."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Mom, what is that hour glass shaped spot above Uranus " (inspired by Bob Beitzel )
Joel Clark, Greensboro

and then Barney said ?Gomer get down there with them spiders.
and they webbed happily ever after.
Don?t let the web bugs bite.
Im still awake but 7 of my 8 legs are asleep.
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"That sounds like you at dinner last night"
"Why did Dragon Spider not eat Princess Fly?"
"Octo Pi has 8 legs? Then why does he look like an octopus!"
"Grammy, why does that bedtime story make me hungry?!"
"I wanna grow up to be CHARLOTTE one day!!!"
"Maybe I`ll have a Wilbur one day...."
Jordan Frye, age 10 today!!!

"Mom, all the other kids get to hear the sticky parts!"
Susan Beal, Greensboro

If Miss Muffet sat beside me, I'd be frighten too !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Oh she singing that song again ,{Rock A Bye Baby].
Mike Greeson, Greensboro

Mom, what is a tuffet?
But I hate Curds and Whey
Can't I wait until I learn to swim?
I've learned my lesson, I wont go up the water spout again
When I grow up, will I be Spider man?
Ronnie Seagraves Greensboro

The twitter glitter spider
walked out into the street
out came the iphone
so she could catch a tweet
and she sent an e-mail
to Tim for J O U
then the twitter glitter spider
set off to see the zoo.
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Mama, read me the story again about how you ate Daddy's head off."
"World Wide Web??? What if there aren't enough flys to go around??"
"Why was Little Ms Muffet scared of us.... do we LIKE curds and whey??".
"Mama, can I get a red hourglass tattoo on my stomach like Kelly?"
"Mama, if I get a red hourglass tattoo on my tummy, I'll bet nobody would bully me!".
"Mama, tell me the story about when you got your red hourglass tattoo on your stomach and did your mommy yell at you?"
"Mama, all I did was ask Peggy out and she nearly bit my head off!"
"Can I get a SpiderMan costume for Halloween?"
"Mom, I've decided that I want to work on computers when I grow up. At school, they said that they always have a world wide web."
"Billy's Mom painted a red hourglass on her tummy, and told his Daddy that if he messed with her she would eat him. But I think his Daddy liked it. Why?"
"Mom, will you paint a red hourglass on my tummy for Halloween? I want to go as a ManEater!!
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

What kind of idiot goes up a water spout?!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Why did Miss Muffett run away???"
Ciara Tolbert, Nathanael Greene Elementary, Age 10, Julian

What the #$%& are curds and whey?
Tim Tribbett

"I like Dice's version of Little Miss Muffet better."
"This time, make Little Miss Muffet a crack whore."
"What the hell are curds and whey?"
"Curds and whey? Sounds more like ‘Big Ass Muffet' to me."
"It was those glasses and hairdo that scared Miss Muffet away, right?"
"Climbing up a drain spout during a rainstorm? The dumbass deserved to drown."
"Wilbur killed Charlotte?"
"Charlotte is my real mother?"
"How did I end up in a Far Side cartoon?"
"The Black Widow is the most feared spider? Sounds kinda racist to me."
"Uh, it's sort of hard to hear you without a mouth."
"So I'm guessing this Dr. Seuss guy did a lot of acid, huh?"
"I'm hungry. Can I have that rotted caterpillar
squirming over there?"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"According to this Arachnid Almanac, a mosquito swarm should be traveling through this area any time now."
Gray Amick, Greensboro