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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

Whoa. If this were a basketball game, my effort this week would be an airball. Some of you scored, others clanked it off the rim. I blame myself. Not enough really going on in the art.
And speaking of basketball, this week, in recognition of March madness, I give you a basketball and any sport/team/ pool/ bracket/NBA joke you want to shoot for. Tip-off starts now!
And Jrs., once again it's Nathanael Greene school winning. I swear, it's like they're the UNC of caption writing.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON

WINNER
"Six feet tall, Brad Pitt looks. Who is he trying to kid????"
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

JR. DIVISION WINNER
You are sooooo lucky that I have spell check.
Ben Potter

JR. DIVISION RUNNER-UP
"Oh no, he did NOT put that on his Facebook page!"
Jordan Frye, age 9

RUNNERS-UP
I hate it when he googles himself!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"If only I could Ctrl+Alt+Del this guy!"
Steffany Gamsby, Colfax

TAKE OFF THE CAPS LOCK!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I can't do that, I'm not a Mac."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Not tonight I have a virus.
Paul Seagraves, Graham

"The tax deadline is almost here... time for an error message."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

You pervert!
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

I can't believe he is responding to that Kenya email!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

TOP VOTE-GETTING ENTRIES
In order
"Six feet tall, Brad Pitt looks. Who is he trying to kid????"
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

"If only I could Ctrl+Alt+Del this guy!"
Steffany Gamsby, Colfax

"I can't do that, I'm not a Mac."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Not tonight I have a virus.
Paul Seagraves, Graham

I hate it when he googles himself!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

TAKE OFF THE CAPS LOCK!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"The tax deadline is almost here...time for an error message."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

I can't believe he is responding to that Kenya email!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

You pervert!
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

He's almost finished, wait for it, wait for it, NOW CRASH!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

He's awfully slow today.Maybe he has a virus.
Tim Tribbett

"There he goes… into sleep mode again."
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

"What good is turbo boost when I have Mr. hunt and peck?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

I love it when they can't find the 'any' key.
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

"Don't scan me, Bro!"
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Of all people, I had to be David Duchovny's computer."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Uh, oh. Blogger's block.
Gordon McLamb, Greensboro

TOP VOTE GETTERS JR. CATEGORY
In Order
You are sooooo lucky that I have spell check.
By Ben Potter

"Oh no, he did NOT put that on his Facebook page!"
Jordan Frye, age 9

Stop pushing my buttons, dude!
By: Jordan Brown

BEST INSIDE JOKE
And Dr. Tribbett takes some more good-natured ribbing from his contemporaries. Don't worry, Dr. Tribbett can take it. But be careful, he can also dish it out (just ask Ty)
5. "Tim, you need to stop now! 519 entries to this weeks jokes on you are enough!"
(I refer to the one and only, very funny Mr. Tribbett)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

For goodness sake, Tribbett, you've got enough entries! Just hit "Send!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

No, Tim. Those entries didn't get slightly burned votes, they just got one.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Face it... Cupid's not going to reply to your email from last month.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

The cartoon captions have to be in 12 noon not 12 midnight!
Nancy Nelson

The poor bastard is sending more lame jokes to TJOU. He never wins!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"For gosh sakes please don't try to draw your own cartoon again."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Tim, wake up! Courier press is trying to hack into our files!"
(this is the paper that stole "Jokes on You" idea and used it for their own)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

. . . him, no mouth . . . me, a sleek LCD with a FLOPPY drive. WHO THE HECK DREW US???
Les Thomas
Well ... technically, that's a DVD drive ...

"Good gosh Rickard is that supposed to be a duck or George Washington's left nostril?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Order a copy of ‘Cartoon Captions for Dummies' by midnight and receive a free autographed 8 x 10 glossy of Tim Rickard."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
Hey ... wait ... I thought we were ganging up on the other Tim ...

BEST POEM
In the spring, it is everyone's onus
To pay taxes with minimum slowness.
Though we maybe use Quicken,
It just serves to sicken
Us, funding an AIG bonus.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

MATURE
Work those warm soft hands over the supple curves of my aching mouse, OH YES,YES ,YES! Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

THE SCHOOLS
Monroe, Louise, Rankin school
Erin A: Make up your mind already! I'm exhausted and it is 3:00 in the morning.
Erica G: Get away from me. Your e-mail is not even half as good as mine.
Olivia T: You've got mail! (But no money, 'cause AIG took it.)
Jhakura O: Wow, this is very exciting. I can't believe a dog is dancing for me.
Sharee M. Can you please get me a lady computer? You're using me too much. Take a break.
Nicholas H: When are you going to give up?
Jasmine W: E-mail- you got misery.
Holly R: How come he's dancing when he's on Google?
Thanh N: Why is this dude looking at me like that?
Amanda W: How is he looking at me when the CPU is off?
Ashlee A: Are you looking at your bills again?
Kionah F: Type one more time and I'll overload!
Zaira G: Hey, I 'm a computer, not your advisor!
Sawyer R: And I thought I was dumb!
Chelsea S: This guy's no brainbuster. I think I can fool this one.
Vi T: Turn me off and go to sleep!
Kyara B: Do something fun with your life.
Imani C: Hey, I can see someone's sleepy. Rock-a-by, baby, on the treetop....
Stan R:Get a girlfriend and a new look and a mansion.
Jimmy O: Get off MySpace and get a job!
Jordyn D: Maybe you should brush your teeth once in a while.

Monroe, Louise, Frazier Elementary
Martin J: You look tired. Why don't you turn off my llpsi wi-fi connection and go to bed?
Elizabeth J: Hey, stop getting on too many sites at once! My CPU is about to explode!
Mekensie B: Hey! Why don't you go on something you can get on Thursday at noon?
Thuy R: Hey, can you keep it down? I'm trying to shut dowm here!
Angel N: Why don't you stop clicking and pressing on my friends?
Ajay L: This guy is lazy. I don't think this guy even knows what he is doing because he can't even see.
Arianna W: Don't say that about your sister-in-law!
April A: I'm tired of looking at the same drowzy eyes all the time!
Jose Delacruz: Mouse? This isn't an animal computer!
Khaliq: I wish he'd quit looking up the same thing!

Greene Elementary School, Jennifer L. Caligan,
1. Does this guy know the longer he stares at me the slower I run?
By Patrick Terrell
2. Dude, please shave I beg you and quit pushing my buttons!
By Sam Garrett
3. Why is he pushing my belly buttons?!
By: Tori Treadwell
4.I hate looking at this guy's big nose every day.
By: Caleb Keene
5. Wow I can't believe these people just sit here and stare at us all day…its kind of disturbing.
By:Deisy Ramirez
6. I don't like looking at you either.
By Logan Newell
7. I hope he doesn't give me a virus like on the holidays.
By: Joshua Apple
8. All you do is sit here and type, type, type, all day long. When are you going to get a life?
By: Adam Hutchens
9. Stop pushing my buttons, dude!
By: Jordan Brown
10. I am not at work yet.
By Braxton Wilson
11. Does he have a zit on his nose?
By: William Crumby
12.I can't believe a grown man is getting reservations to go to Chucky Cheese. I thought it was for four year olds.
By Nathan Ross
13. Why doesn't he just stop clicking? Doesn't he know I am tired? Also it is kind of fun to have a staring contest but its just rude when we are not playing a game!
By: Emily Reyna
14. I wonder what my computer would say if it had a mouth?
By Matthew Snuggs
15. Stop staring at me man. I have trained my mouse to bite hands, it can be feisty! Please stop staring or I will shut down!"
By Austin Jones
16. That is one weird looking computer
By Justes Houle
17. Eeeew! This person is ugly, I think I must be going blind.
By Nick Ford
18. Man: I forgot to do my homework." Computer: "I'll mouse you out of this one."
By Shelby Williams
19. Computers are supposed to think for us. Shouldn't we think for ourselves.
By Najuan Golden
20. The same thing every day!
David Skipworth
21. I wish this man would get Roadrunner so I could get faster
By Tanner Cassell
22. Will he ever get tired of chasing that mouse!
By Colton Pickard
23. Stop looking at me!
By Annie George
24. Oh my gosh my keys are killing me
By Dylan Ashley
25 You have to be kidding me
By Dylan Ashley
26. Slow down I can't keep up with you
By TJ Norton
27. He thinks I am fast.
Tiffney Kabler
28. Stop keying me.
By: Sara Jane
29. Dang why does this big nose freak keep on poking me !
By. Eli Millsap
30. Hey dude, have you ever heard of ultra keys?
By Schonn Denny
31. Why is the person looking at me like a fool?
By: Morgan Austin
32. Here we go again the same stuff every day.
By David Crumby
33.Well back to speed dating.
By:Ethan Wright
34. What are you looking at?
By ALiza Greeson
35. "Somebody did not have their morning coffee"
By Zachary James
36. "Get off MySpace!"
By Daniel Scotton
37. "And you call yourselves the top of the food chain."
By Nelson Ingram
38.You are sooooo lucky that I have spell check.
By Ben Potter
39. Dude, you are not going to get that job.
By Morgan Register
40. "Huh? Ebay again?"
By Garrett Bradsher
41. Why won't you give me the right definition and stop giving me several!
By Mary McElvey
42. "Don't click too hard. I don't need anymore broken keys."
By Brittany Clapp
43. This computer is as slow as a snail and quiet as a mouse.
By Tyler Thomas
44. Z-L-M-J-P? Have you ever been to school?
By Chase Combs
45. "LOOK ALIVE!! Do I have to tell you everything?"
By Brianna Neese
46.Why do you have to click on my mouse all the time. Do you know where the "enter" button is?
By Kendra Byrd
47. That mouse got in my computer again!
By Emily Harris
48. "You are not tall, dark, and handsome!"
By Talie Patalano
49. I am not working for you, you gave me that stupid virus!
By Morgan Rush

THE REST
1.) Uh oh,did he just click on reply all?!
2.)Go outside and get some sun ya pasty faced goober!
3.)Well,who the heck told you to wait until April 15th?
4.)I'm capable of processing almost limitless information and he uses me for online scrabble!!!
5.)Do you have any idea what time it is?!
6.)Uh oh,I feel a crash coming on!
7.) Don't go there dude,I'm just getting over that last virus!
8.)Oh for gosh sakes,learn how to spell why don't ya!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a nice rhinoplasty site instead?
Tim Tribbett

1) this guy is a pecker
2) i thought a priest would get in trouble for looking at this
3) ouch, not so hard, that gigahurts!
4) i hate people that stare
5) what in the heck is he looking at?
6) dont get mouthy with me!!
7) no mouth huh, at least you cant say anything mean about me
8) dude, just hit send error report so we can move on!
9) is it 5 o clock yet?
10) i remember this guy....ive got a lot of memory!
11) back up, im not a touch screen.
Pamela Olson

"Hey, I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

"...blog...blog...blog..."
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

3:28 A.M. and he's posting on the Letters to the Editor blog.
A Renaissance man -- You Tube AND the Greensboro Opera website.
His "favorites" read like a diary.
I feel a coffee spill coming on.
He's a few keystrokes short of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
I'm loaded to the gills with information but he uses only Facebook!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

When he dozes off, I'll make his Facebook profile say he's a fan of "Barney and Friends."
Hey, pal! Start surfing to my computer sites instead of your porn, and maybe I'll run faster!
For goodness sake, Tribbett, you've got enough entries! Just hit "Send!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Face it... Cupid's not going to reply to your email from last month.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

(Check the web site for the meaning of this one...)
No, Tim. Those entries didn't get slightly burned votes, they just got one.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

' Why the heck doesn't this guy have Road Runner!?'
Nick Herring, Greensboro

"Boy, I miss when people actuaally left home for adult movies."
"The tax deadline is almost here...time for an error message."
"You know, there's more than just smut on the internet."
"Of all people, I had to be David Duchovny's computer."
"You can press ctl, alt, delete all day, I'm not working!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

You can do better Mitch
Bob Smith, Greensboro

1. This guy sure looks at a lot of internet pornography! I wonder if
his wife knows!
2. This guy is always on Google maps. I bet he's just trying to
figure out where the women he meets online live!
3. This guy looks up a new cupcake recipe every 15 minutes. WEIRD.
4. I hope he's looking up some new furniture from Ikea.
5. Dude, two words: GIRL and FRIEND.
6. I'm this guy's work computer and all he ever does is send emails to
Tim Rickert!!
7. I hope that woman who's coming from across the country to meet him
knows that his eharmony photo is from 10 years ago.
8. What he doesn't know is in 2010 I'm going to turn into a full-figured woman.
9. This guy has some really clammy hands! I wish I had some nice big
bear paws tappin' on my keys.
10. 0001 0101 1101 (friendly.bear hint: binary code)
11. This guy hasn't defragged me in over a month. I'm getting lonely over here!
friendly.bear

Uh-oh, he's in an emoticon mood.
TAKE OFF THE caps lock!
Oh great -- a day trader who's been up all night.
All that factory testing didn't prepare me for this.
I can get rid of him if I jam the "back" function.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Uh, oh. Blogger's block.
Gordon McLamb, Greensboro

"B-O-R-I-N-G"
"Wife at door...."
"OMG.one more freakin' adult on Facebook...."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

Work those warm soft hands over the supple curves of my aching mouse, OH YES,YES ,YES!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"If only I could Ctrl+Alt+Del this guy!"
Steffany Gamsby, Colfax

You don't lead spades to low man, idiot!
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"All I really wanted was a bowl of me lucky charms..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

As the cow said to the farmer, thank you for a warm hand on a cold morning !
The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen !
The one who knows why will always be boss !
To be, or not to be, what kind of question is that ?
His left hand nevers knows what his right hand is doing !
Can't believe he thinks he's in control here !
Wonder if he knows someday soon I'll be a touch screen !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

C'mon dude,don't fall for that Dateline NBC trap AGAIN!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro(having a little trouble with this one)
You weren't the only one.

PERVERT!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Memo To: Human Eyes must have screensavers!
David Jones, Greensboro

"Twitter: Nothing to tweet"
"Twitter: Still investing in the NC Lottery Education Fund"
"I don't know why he bothers looking at his portfolio - his 410k is a 201k right now."
Jon Barsanti

1.) Poor baby.He works sooo hard!
2.) I hate it when he googles himself!
3.)Boy,I sure hope my Norton is working!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I hate it when he gets sleepy and drools on my keyboard!
Tim Tribbett

"There`s no way he can use the web-cam his wife bought him, He has no mouth!"
"Oh no, he did NOT put that on his Facebook page!"
"Honestly, this guy needs to STOP giving my face makeovers. Hmmmm......"
"Hey! I`m so smart, I can take over the world! I`ll start with this guy! Foolish earthling, take me to your leader....."
"QUE PASA?! MY FACE(book) IS STUCK!!!"
"I wish adults liked iCarly."
jr.division,jordan frye, age 9

"Geez, either this guy needs to get a life, or at least stop going on these dating websites"
"YouTube, FaceBook,MySpace,GaiaOnline,Yahoo, is there anything this guy doesn't have.
"So the eagle flew off, Schneider fallts, add coment, is this guy done adding comments on Gaia
Ryan Natal, age 12

"Yeah, well, your ugly mug ain't so great either…
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

He's almost finished ,wait for it ,wait for it ,NOW CRASH!
Tim Tribbett

1. Not tonight I have a virus.
2. (music) do you feel like someone is watching you
Paul Seagraves, Graham

Oh man! Look at this guy. This has to be a joke.
Pam Hart, Siler City

In the spring, it is everyone's onus
To pay taxes with minimum slowness.
Though we maybe use Quicken,
It just serves to sicken
Us, funding an AIG bonus.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"He worked all night on the report. Time for a hard disc crash!"
"Too quiet. Time for a lithium battery fire!"
"So sad. No junk or spam, just emails from himself!"
"Again, no one asking to join his Face Book page!"
"I can't believe he is responding to that Kenya email!"
"EHorney.com again. What a loser!"
"Trouble typing again. He lost control of his domain!"
"Yuk, he picks that huge nose then touches my keys!"
"Those unwashed hands can give me a virus!"
"What does he need the Viagra for?"
"No good. Playing Spider when he should for looking for a job!
Dennis LaJeunesse

"I wish I could reboot him!"
" ... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Launch Fatal Error."
"He flirts in the chat rooms, makes on-line reservations at La Chalet,
buys theater tickets .... Why doesn't he pay attention to me?!?!?!?"
"He's almost done doing his taxes. Right before he hits SAVE I'm going to crash my hard drive."
"Six feet tall, Brad Pitt looks. Who is he trying to kid????"
"I'll keep spinning my hourglass just to see how long he'll sit there waiting".
"Ctrl-Alt-Del not longer works. Esc is your only route."
"I wish I had arms and legs to kick you too."
"Looks like his virtual memory is about gone."
"I'm not going to blink...I'm not going to blink....I'm not going to blink."
"I'm going to keep popping that window up until you answer me!"
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

"Wakee. Wakee!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"There he goes... into sleep mode again."
NINO - Nothing In, Nothing Out
"They each waited for the other to make the first move..."
"Like the economy, they both just waited for stimulus."
"I wish he would quit staring at me like that."
"I hope he keeps his hands where I can see them."
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

He's already crashed!
2. He needs to crash!
3. He'll never get a job looking like that!
4. He's definitively not dressed to impress.
5. Go home, your boss left hours go!
5. Yuk, sticky fingers!
6. Suck up!
7. I think he needs technical support!
8. He's pitiful, I cannot solve all of his problems!
9. He needs to speak up!
10. I can't hear you!
11. Lay off the porn and go to bed!
12. This chum needs to get a life!
13. Mum's the Word!
14. Looks like he forgot to pay his internet bill.
15. Your wife blocked you from that site!
16. Get a life!
17. The cartoon captions have to be in 12 noon not 12 midnight!
18. He needs to GAL!
19. I'm thinking WORM!
Nancy Nelson

Come on dummy, press the send key.
Hal Koger, McLeansville

The poor bastard is sending more lame jokes to TJOU. He never wins!"
"He can't blame TurboTax for those ridiculous deductions. Pet med bills?!"
"Out of the millions of computers, why am I operated by this born loser?!"
"Oh no! Ordering another life size blow up doll!
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1. "I can't do that, I'm not a Mac."
2. "Hurry up with the virus scan, I'm about to hurl all over my hard drive."
3. "Ctrl-Alt-Del. Don't look at me like that, I'm allowed to take a break."
4. "Don't scan me, Bro!"
5. "Stop! That tickles."
6. "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?"
7. "Quit clicking me! I'm going as fast as I can."
8. "My back-up drive has a more exciting life then this guy."
9. "I've got a memory ache."
10. "If I only had a brain."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"For gosh sakes please don't try to draw your own cartoon again."
"Put the Jack on the ten you nitwit."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1. "Tim, wake up! Courier press is trying to hack into our files!" (this is the paper that stole "Jokes on You" idea and used it for their own)
2. "You better think, (think, think), think about what you're trying to do to me."
3. "You look goofier than Goofy!."
4. "We have been doing this for eight hours straight! I'm freezing up now!"
5. "Please don't replay "Charlie Bit Me" again!"
6. "What good is turbo boost when I have Mr. hunt and peck?"
7. "It's : ) or : ( , not :/ you moron!"
8. "If a PC uses AC and 2 gigabytes and a human uses neurons each with synapse and a lot of 'lectrolytes, then what was the name of the bus driver?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "Mama said there'll be days like this..."
George Cornett, Greensboro

I love it when they can't find the 'any' key.
Keep both your hands where I can see them.
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

You dummy, no 16 seed has ever beaten a 1 seed.
Gray Amick, South Regional, Bracketville

Yesterday I sent....
Come on dummy, press the send key.
Please ignore, and replace with...
Now press the 'enter' key, dummy. You can do it.
Hal Koger, McLeansville

Your query for available local jobs that fit your qualifications produced no matches.
Order a copy of Cartoon Captions for Dummies by midnight and receive a free autographed 8 x 10 glossy of Tim Rickard.
Gray Amick, Greensboro

If this guy sneezes on my keyboard one more time, I'm clobbering him with my firewall!
If I catch this clown's virus, I'm giving him every error message in the inventory!
157 games of solitaire and he still hasn't figured out that I've been dealing him 51 cards!
G.A. Rilling, Madison

I'm not going there, Even I have limits
Be sure your sins will find you out
Be sure your cookies will find you out
This is just between me and you, right?
I wont tell if you don't!
What Would Jesus Do?
I'm telling
You pervert!
Be sure to delete your tempoary internet files and cookies
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

He's awfully slow today. Maybe he has a virus.
Tim Tribbett

He must have gotten a federal appointment' he is doing his prior year tax returns
Mary Lou Kyle, High Point

"Good gosh Rickard is that supposed to be a duck or George Washington's left nostril?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"You can google all day but you won't find any Blue danube waltz lyrics."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "Don't you have anything better to do than play online pong?"
2. "Someday your boss is going to catch you playing solitaire."
3. "You need a Red Bull mister."
4. "I'm running out of memory. What was that command again?"
5. "Tim, you need to stop now! 519 entries to this weeks jokes on you are enough!"
(I refer to the one and only, very funny Mr. Tribbett)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Are you sure you want to accept Bernard Madoff's Facebook request?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"What's it going to be today: solitaire or mine sweeper?"
"I think it's time for me to crash."
"All this power and all he does is sweep mines."
"It's time for a user upgrade."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

. . . him, no mouth . . . me, a sleek LCD with a FLOPPY drive. WHO THE HECK DREW US???
Les Thomas