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The Joke's On You

THIS WEEK'S CARTOON

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
Whoop! Turns out, we had an early deadline this week. Sorry.
Honestly, I only need your age if you are 12 or under, so I can put you into the junior category.
I expanded my number of judges, starting this week, to try and get a broader consensus on the entries. All that did, though, was to increase the number of different captions picked. This ain't as easy as it looks. Why don't I just do it? I tend to root for the underdogs too much. Having other judges keep me honest.

WINNER
Wait! I can score you a sub-prime loan on Baltic Avenue!
Eli Oklesh, Gibsonville
Welcome back Eli. And now you're no longer a bridesmaid ...

JR. WINNER
Its just a game, you don't have to be so literal"
Ryan Natal, age 12, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
I don't even own a candlestick, you've got the wrong game!
Grady, Greensboro
Clear second-place winner

"Officer, I swear I didn't know that money was fake!"
Madison Carroll, Greensboro

Excuuuuuse me.....Could you drag me past Go?
Barbara James, Greensboro

Don't waste your time--the government will bail me out!
Patricia Freeman, Randleman

Don't tase me Bro!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Unhand me! I'm a cabinet nominee!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

I was just trying to stimulate the economy
Jerry Kyle

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Oh come on, last week's joke wasn't that bad!
I'm sorry I didn't pick your caption last week!
Grady, Greensboro

"Sheriff Leon Lott hauls off Tim Rickard after seeing an incriminating photo in the News-Record!"
Michael L. Creech, Springboro, OH

1) Officer Edgar Mallory doesn't wait to find out if Tim Rickard has taken appropriate measures to avoid trademark infringement penalties for his weekly Joke's On You sketch.
2) Cartoonist Tim Rickard finds himself wondering if he is about to meet Jake the Jailbird.
3) Local cartoon contest specialist, CC, wonders if she has met the noon time limit or if she too will soon meet Jake the Jailbird for missing her JOU deadline.
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
There were too many financial-scandal references to list
I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those meddling kids! 2.)
It was only $15,140! (the amount of money in a monopoly game,I think
You shoulda seen the mug on the girl who came in third (he won 2nd in a beauty contest)
Should I remove my shirt?(have to have watched COPS to get that one)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I'm telling you, I did not jump on the Reading as a means of tax evasion!" (Reading Railroad is right next to Income Tax payment on the game board)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

All this for obeying three straight "Speed Limit 55" signs?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
â€¦ think about it â€¦

Oi vai iz mir !!!
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

BEST POEM
There's a Ponzi-scheme runner named Madoff
Who left lots of investors un-paid-off.
They should haul him to jail
And revoke any bail.
Then we'll see just what Madoff is made of.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

An old "Limey" who we will not name,
lost his pants in a poker game,
he made a bet he could not cover,
and was trying to sneak home to his wife and lover.
An English "Billy" out walking his beat,
said you are breaking the law by showing your seat,
as he quickly dragged him away,
this is what we heard him say,
you just might get a year and a day.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

BEST CAPTION TO THE WRONG CARTOON
honey, we made it to the play-offs
????

THE REST
1.)But I had to redecorate it.That office was unusable I tell you!
2.)Does this mean no taypayer financed resort trips?
3.)A taxpayer bailout means I can't reward my excellent managerial skills?!
4.) I was just displaying a little synergy!
5.)But I didn't collect my 200 million dollars!
6.) It's a bum rap copper.
7.)But I'm rich.I'm above the law!
8.)But but that money isn't even real!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

What it's only 50 Billion
Chuck Armentrout, Greensboro

BUT OFFICER I THOUGHT I WAS PLAYING MONOPOLY!!
MARTHAELLEN SMITH, LEXINGTON

But Officer Peta, I didn't kill a walrus for this moustache.
But Officer, I'm from Wall Street in SANFORD.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"If only I had a 'Get-Out-of-Jail-Free' card!"
"Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not. . . "
"But, Officer, she looked older than sixteen."
Ken Layton, Carthage
The last one got a vote from one judge. A groan from another ...

1. Wait, I have a get of jail free card!
2. I was just trying to get my free McDonald's burger!
Nancy Nelson

I really do have to GO!
Jessie Taylor, 12 Wentworth

Times is hard!!!!! Please let me collect that $200 Unemployment check first
Farrah Gunn, Wentworth

---but my name is Medoff, officer, not Madoff! M-E-doff, MEDOFF!!
Royce Riddick, Greensboro

"Stop!! Can't I just PASS GO and skip the congressional hearing?"
" Officer, please!! It was only a Ponzi with play money!"
Ray Sullivan, Greensboro

...if Madoff played Monopoly
Dan Collins, Greensboro

3. What do you mean my money's no good!
4. You do know, this is only a game!
5. Game on!
6. If you can't pay, you can't play!
7. I didn't take your property, you lost it!
8. This is getting old!
9. I'm so board!
10. Calgon take me away!
11. Well if you owned all this property you wouldn't be able to pay the taxes either!
12. With the receding economy, my properties are worthless!
13. Want to buy Park Place, cheap!
14. Thanks, I had to sell Broadwalk so I need a place to stay!
Nancy Nelson
Number 3 got a vote from a judge

" I really hate it when they get the GO TO JAIL card"
Ryan Natal, age 12, Greensboro

"I hate rolling 3 doubles in a row"
ali williamson, age 11, summerfield

It's a case of mistaken identity -- I'm not Colonel Blimp!
I'd offer you a bribe, Officer, but I invested with Big Bernie.
There goes my Cabinet appointment . . . maybe.
You're not my momma -- stop wearing out the seat of my britches!
I'll be just dandy as long as it's penthouse arrest.
Profiling again, Officer?
Joan Lux, Greensboro
Liked the last one

I was just trying to stimulated the economy
Jerry Kyle

But I was just President of the United States 2 weeks ago!
Les Thomas

"Bernie Madoff goes directly to jail, he does not pass go, he does not collect $200"
"Bank fraud discovered, each taxplayer must pay $200."
"I've got splinters on my backside from being dragged across Boardwalk!"
"Wait! I've lost my top hat!"
"I swear it wasn't me! I saw some guy in a shoe do it!"
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH
I liked the last one

" Go to Jail ? Bernie Madoff only got house arrest ! "
Steve Holland, Southmont

"My name is not Bernie Madoff, I work for the Parker Bros'!"
Don Gunn, Madison

You've been warned about leaving the house without your pants on!
Betty & Bill, Greensboro

All I did was give myself a raise with taxpayer money, Congress does that every year. Why don't you go to DC and get your exercise there?
Joel Leonard

"The last of the notorious Parker Bros. is hauled off directly to jail."
"Another of Obama's cabinet candidates exposed for tax evasion, is hauled out of the committee hearings."
"The commissioner is hauled directly off to jail after a picture of him
smoking a marijuana pipe at a South Carolina house party appeared in a British tabloid."
"Sheriff Leon Lott hauls off Tim Rickard after seeing an incriminating photo in the News-Record."
"But officer, the photo was doctored. I am innocent!"
"As the sun set, casting an eerie orange glow, another Wall Street financier goes directly to jail."
"But officer, can't I please pass go? I need to collect $200!"
"Can I offer you a little stimulus package to let me go free?"
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH
Your last one got a vote from one judge

Don't worry - I'm just training for the annual police department drag race.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

There's a Ponzi-scheme runner named Madoff
Who left lots of investors un-paid-off.
They should haul him to jail
And revoke any bail.
Then we'll see just what Madoff is made of.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"Officer, I was just kidding when i said..."what are you going to do drag me in?
Rick Barton, Greensboro

"You can't arrest me - I'm Bernard Madoff.
Luther Jackson, Stoneville

"No, I will not vote Democratic."
"Arrggh, I think I swallowed my monocle."
"You can't foreclose on Park Place."
"Who called 2 Wants to Know?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"You don't understand, I've been nominated for a Cabinet post."
"Not so tight, you're crushing my Water Works."
"You're hurting my Fannie Mae."
"Honestly, it's a safe pyramid scheme."
"But it isn't fair to cap my executive pay."
"If this keeps on, the bottom's going to fall out."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

honey, we made it to the play-offs
compaq Isotonic

1) Obama appointees: Pass income tax, go directly to JAIL!
2) Wait! I can score you a sub-prime loan on Baltic Avenue!
Eli Oklesh, Gibsonville

Hey! What about my 'Get out of Jail' card?
Ashley James, Greensboro

Excuuuuuse me.....Could you drag me past Go?
Barbara James, Greensboro

YOU CALL THIS A BAIL-OUT?
CURTIS BROWN, SILER CITY

I REALLY WISH I HAD BOUGHT THOSE HOTELS, INSTEAD OF ACCEPTING THE 17 MILLION DOLLAR SIGNING BONUS AND THE USE OF THE COMPANY JET.

DO YOU THINK I COULD GET AN ANKLE BRACELET JUST LIKE MADOFF'S, IT WILL GO SO WELL WITH MY OUTFIT?
MINDY BROWN, SILER CITY

"All I wanted was my senior discount!"
Libby Blythe, Greensboro

1.) I say, please refrain from tasing me Bro!
2.) Don't tase me Bro!
3.) I hope my cell is well stocked with Grey Poupon!
4.) Do they have any Grey Poupon?
5.) I'm sure my cellmates will be sympathetic to my plight.
6.) My good man, would you consider home confinement?
7.) I REALLY need a bailout now.
8.)That @#$%&* race car framed me!
9.)Should I remove my shirt?(have to have watched COPS to get that one)
10.)but,but...it was only taxpayer money!
11.)but,but...it was only a measly billion!
12.) Can you put me in with Bernie?
13.)Can you drag me by Congress? I need more money!
14.) I know the company is bankrupt but my excellent managerial skills must be rewarded!
15.)Anywhere but Baltic avenue!
16.) But I needed that Van Gogh for my office!
17.) But I have a get out of jail free card!
18.)But I can't use single ply!!
19.)Unhand me! I'm a cabinet nominee!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"It wasn't me; it was the Hamburglar!"
Chuck Norton, Reidsville

" Wait! I haven't received my bonus yet"
Bob Fuller, Greensboro
nice

1. Do I get $200 when we pass GO?
2. I have a Get Out of Jail card.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

All this for obeying three straight "Speed Limit 55" signs?
Just be glad the DA's not Mike Nifong.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

1. I paid the income tax when I got the $200 for passing go.
2. I have a "Get Out Of Jail Card."
3. Forgetting to pay tax was an innocent mistake.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Taxes Schmaxes, I'm up for a cabinet position!"
Craig Moon, High Point
Good entry. The judges preferred Tim's wording in a similar vein.

1.) Go directly to jail.Do not pass Congress.Do not collect 200 billion dollars.
2.) OH DEAR,I do hope they have grey poupon!
3.) But look how low I've kept the rents!
4.)But those rent controls were killing me!
5.)Slumlord?! What do they expect for $150 a month?!
6.)But I'm not Colonel Mustard I tell you!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Mr. Monopoly arrested today; Dog and Thimble still at large."
"Mr. Monopoly, industrialist and slum lord, arrested today."
"Come on Buddy, we know about the gambling ring on Baltic Avenue."
"Lost big in mortgage crash; tried to pay debt with Monopoly money."
"Lost in mortgage crash, robbed liquor store; sent directly to jail."
"Game Over"
"Somebody needs a get out of jail free card."
"Unpaid mortgages on Boardwalk forced Mr. Monopoly into life of crime."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
The first one here made the short list and got at least one vote. — Good one.

1.) Is dragging standard procedure?
2.)You're ruining my cashmere blazer!
3.) My lavish purchases stimulate the economy!
I'll stop grabbing lampposts if you stop aiming for dog poo!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Do not pass go - do not collect 200 Billion Dollars
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

14. Could you drag me past GO so I can collect $200, I'll need it for bail?!
15. Who rolled over on me?!
16. I'm not a hobo, I own the B&O. Railroad!
17. I didn't know rolling before your turn was a misameanor!
18. I'm not a terrorist, I just sold Obama Pennsylvania Ave.
19. This is beginning to be a drag!
20. This is a real drag!
21. What embezzlement?!
22. Who knew owning all the railroads was a monopoly?!
Nancy Nelson
I thought you had some strong entries this week, Nancy

Wait! Wait! I used TurboTax.
Carolyn Patterson, Greensboro

1) I thought I just had to apologize for not paying taxes!
2) Oh come on, last week's joke wasn't that bad!
3) I didn't know a cop car was considered a "company car"!
4) Just because I can afford Boardwalk doesn't mean I make over $500k a year!
5) When did you put the meter on free parking?
6) I don't even own a candlestick, you've got the wrong game!
7) I'm sorry I didn't pick your caption last week!
8) Weeeeeeeeeee!
9) This is the worst police escort I've ever had!
10) I'm not crazy! That thimble just collected rent from a wheelbarrow!
11) I realize we were bailed out, but I passed "Go!"
12) Have you ever asked me just to walk to jail??
13) Can we go around the sycamore trees this time??
Grady, Greensboro
Good ones here. Your "Clue" reference garnered the second most votes.

"Officer, I swear I didn't know I couldn't use monopoly money!"
Kay Watterson, Browns Summit

"I guess the bail out just can't help some people!"
Hayleigh Carroll, Greensboro

"Officer, I swear I didn't know that money was fake!"
"Looks like even the Big Shots are being evicted!"
Madison Carroll, Greensboro

"Donut hoarding? I would have shared with you officer, but it was the
Krispy Kreme Challenge. I HAD to eat all 12 donuts."
"Officer, you don't understand. I am an elected politician. The law doesn't apply to me"
"I'm not mocking you officer. I always look orange and black."
Scott H. Douglas

"Ohhh, my skin. Is this your idea of spreading the wealth?"
"O.k, o.k, I'll put heat in my rental houses."
"O.K Jeeves, I'll give you a dollar raise."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

What SHOULD have happened to Wall Street bankers!
Tom Shelmerdine, Greensboro
Amen.

1.) I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!
2.) It was only $15,140! (the amount of money in a monopoly game,I think)
3.) I had nothing to do with the explosion at the cheetos factory!! (that one only works in color)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1. "You can't keep stealing the top hat!"
2. "You were found pilfering in Judy's chest not Community Chest!"
3. "Let me go, Officer Mallory...I'll give you Virginia and States Avenue.
4. "But, I never saw any meters...It said Free Parking."
5. "I'm telling you, I did not jump on the Reading as a means of tax evasion!"
(Reading Railroad is right next to Income Tax payment on the game board)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
Good Monopoly references — some things beyond he obvious

You shoulda seen the mug on the girl who came in third(he won 2nd in a beauty contest)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

My caption entry is:
Don't waste your time--the government will bail me out!
Patricia Freeman, Randleman

"But I didn't know about the income tax after the $200 I collected at Go!"
Annie S., Age 13, Greensboro

"No Officer, I promise my name is not Madoff!"
"Looks like someone did pass go and collected $2,000 in bail out money!"
Hayleigh Carroll, Greensboro

"But officer, I did pass Go!"
Kay Watterson, Browns Summit

1. Could we stop at McDonald's first?
2. Just don't send me to Shawshank.
Eric Grimm, Greensboro

1, 2, 3 strikes your out of the old board game
They literally dragged the cat out of the bag
Three doubles and your goin' to a Jail Cell with Monoply man on it
Ryan Natal, age 12

Can we at least pass Go?
OK, so maybe we should've given the beauty contest winner more than ten bucks!
Jim Rando, Summerfield
Nice Monopoly references.

1. Due to a clerical error "handcuffs" were originally called "anklecuffs".
2. In the early years of baseball, players were arrested for stealing bases.
3. Setting a standard for bankers, Mr. Monopoly has been bailed out 1,617,236,159 times since 1935.
4. "Of course I took the money, I thought TARP stood for 'To A Rich Person'."
5. "I didn't steal the purse, it's my game token!"
6. "I hit him with my purse because he always has to be the car."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Alright O.J., we got ya this time.
You're not going to skip out on another wedding.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
I liked the second one

Caption: "My dear sir, this game is NOT a Ponzi scheme!!
Reta Beck, Greensboro

"I must insist that we deserve equal consideration for an economic bailout !!!
Reta Beck, Greensboro

" Its just a game, you don't have to be so literal"
Ryan Natal, age 12

"Go directly to The Special Place in Hell Reserved for Bernie Madoff. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $2,000,000,000."
Larry Parrish, Tarpon Springs, FL

23. Release me and I'll make you a token in the next version of the game!
25. I didn't know our houses were not up the building code!
Nancy Nelson

1) Is this some kind of game ?
2) I hope somebody is getting this on their camera phone !
3) She threw the iron first !
4) If I gave you a railroad would this go away ?
5) I know...I know...do not pass go....do not collect $ 200 .
6) My accountant told me those taxes were paid !
7) Did Madoff sell me out ?
8) Picture your little girl winning a beauty contest. I can make it happen !
9) What's a little anti-trust amongst friends ?
10) Get my anti-trust lawyer on the phone !
11) Stinking zoning laws !!
12) What if I told you something very interesting about the Parker Brothers ?
13) I knew as soon as Bush left office that the gig was up.
14) What if you could get your hands on some of that bailout money ?
15) When my lawyers get done you'll be on Baltic Avenue foot patrol !
16) I know where you can pick up a quick $ 200 if you're game .
17) But we were not playing by the offical rules !
18) Couldn't I just go back 3 spaces ?
19) How am I supposed to know where the jackpot is ?
20) Oi vai iz mir !!!
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem
A few of these made it to the short list, some of those even garnered some votes.

HOLY EARLY DEADLINES BATMAN!
I finally free up enough time to try to get back in the competition only to find out it's an early deadline and I'm ALREADY TOO LATE!
Aaaaaaargh!!!
I'm so depressed now... I'm going to Krispy Kreme and eat myself into a Sugar-Coma...I hope your happy...
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Sorry, Bob. How â€˜bout this week?

"All I did was pass go!!!"
Ciara Tolbert, Age 10, Julian

"You're in trouble. This police action will be in the papers!"
"I know Donald Trump."
"Watch the Bruno Maglis!"
"Let me go! The TJOY photo shoot is over!"
"Uncle, uncle!
"Wait! You can have Boardwalk!"
"You are ruining the silk pants!"
"Hold it! I have a Get Out of Jail card!"
" and I regularly donate my Pass Go money to Police Charities!"
"The name is Monopoly, not Madoff, idiot!"
"Embezzler!? It's only a game!!"
"The Railroad foreclosures were not my fault!'
"Wrong game, blockhead! I did not kill Miss Scarlet in the billiards room with a knife!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Of these, I liked the "Clue" reference best. The judges seemed to prefer Grady's, though

Officer Edgar Mallory finds out that Mr.Monopoly's alias is not only Rich Uncle Pennybags but Bernie Maddoff and takes appropriate measures.
CC Cockerham, Greensboro