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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
This week's cartoon reminds me of when I went sky diving. I couldn't find the airport and landed in a cow pasture a mile away. I landed so hard I left a crater in the ground and rang church bells in the next county. But I digress ...
Picking captions were difficult. Few stood out once the field was narrowed down. Got a lot of "Can you hear me now?" gags.
The Jr. division entries are picking up though (age 12 and under.) Remember to include your age.

WINNER
Is this Warner Brothers? I think I just passed your coyote.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

JR. DIVISION WINNER
"Yes. I would like to order a new parachute."
Jordan Frye, age 9

JR. RUNNER-UP
" AT&T Really does have more bars in more places"
ali williamson, age 11, SummerField
Very nice, Ali.

THE RUNNERS-UP
"Honey, I'll be home earlier than I thought."
Myra Johnson, Siler City

"Not only is this chute packed wrong, I'm almost out of minutes."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

Yes, I would be interested in purchasing life insurance, I'm glad you called!
Bryan Tribbett- Roanoke, Va.

"I should have better reception any second now."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Hello ... I'd like to order a REALLY big air mattress!"
Bill Wallace, High Point

Yes,I do mind if you put me on hold!!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
Is this Warner Brothers? I think I just passed your coyote.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Bravo.

"Yellow then red?" (Nicolas Cage in Honeymoon in Vegas)
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Hello. Is this Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger? ... Look, I'm in a situation and need your advice…
Ken Sheldon, Elon

A couple of George H. Bush references …
Emergency chute opening. At 85, I've proved my point, I think this is my last jump, Barbara!
Sandi O'Reilly, Greensboro

Ok,I'm over the inauguration and I just opened the JEB FOR PRESIDENT 2012 parachute.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE
No, Mr. Rickard, I didn't see those characters from January 8th up here. Should I try the city reservoir?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Make sure you don't take me to the same hospital Charles Davenport Jr. stayed in!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Yeah, Rickard chickened out again! You owe me 50 bucks.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Uh hello--Council—this is Mitch—exactly how far do you want me to dive?"
Don Howard

"Hon, it's almost noon, and I need for you to enter one more caption for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

BEST WORST PUNS
You don't know the gravity of my situation here!
Nancy Nelson

BEST POEM
In support of my wife who's so cute,
I attempted her high-risk pursuit.
But the pack that she sent
Wound up holding a tent.
When I called her, she cried out, "Oh, Chute!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Skydiving is the best sport for me,
floating free is great you see,
alone at last
and having such a blast,
but when your parachute fails, your life memories flash and you see the ground coming fast, you lose all hope
and then you think my life is over because I'm such a dope!
Nancy Nelson

MATURE
"What do you mean joining the mile-high club on a solo basis!?
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Oh, that's how you join the Mile High Club!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

THE REST
1.)Yes, it opened.I have to hang up now Mom!
2.) Wasn't the pilot supposed to fly higher than 500 feet?!
3.)Ok, I pulled the cord. What next?!
4.) Wait,did you say count to 100 or to 10?!
5.) Yes,I do mind if you put me on hold!!
6.) I'm still bored.
7.) This better be important!
8.)Oh,nothing much.What are you up to?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Liked 3-5 best

1.) This isn't a good time.
2.) You #$%*& telemarketers have the worst timing!
3.)Make it quick! 4.)Uh oh,maybe I shouldn't have insulted the pilot!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Good one-#2

"Mom, did you remember to pay my insurance premium?
Glenda Layton, Carthage

"911? I've got a problem. . ."
Ken Layton, Carthage
good

"Ace Parachute Company? i want to report a defect in your Model 37J."
Ken Layton, Carthage
Nice solid gag

Caption: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW??????
Bryan Clodfelter, High Point

"I thought you said you were an expert at chutes & ladders!
Richard Riedel, High Point

1. Chute!
2. I'm suing you for malpacking!
3. Don't put me on hold!
3. 911-Address... Skyhigh, for now!
4. Where did you say the second ripcord was?
5. I'm falling and I know I won't be getting up!
6. Stop talking a minute, I just wanted to say I love you!
7. My will is in ...!
8. Oh no, I'm in the Dead Zone!
Nancy Nelson
I liked and lobbied for number 4.

"If Acme Parachute stocks are plummeting, then sell!"
Judy Riedel, High Point

Hello. Acme Mattress Company? Can I rent about a thousand king-size in the next five minutes?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Okay, I'll give you a divorce and sign any agreement you want.
Gail Sempier, Greensboro

Hello. Is this Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger? ... Look, I'm in a situation and need your advice...
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Help, I'm falling down and I don't think I'll be getting up!
Tim Williams, Greensboro

Is this Warner Brothers? I think I just passed your coyote.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Hello.... 911.....I'm running out of Air!
Ron Washburn
I liked this one.

"Is the reception better now?"
"What if I don't want to pay roaming fees?"
"Don't pay roaming fees on the last half of this call, Honey."
"I should have better reception any second now."
"I'm glad I shelled out the extra bucks for a shock-proof phone."
"Thanks goodness I have a shock-proof phone."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
Liked the roaming fees one too.

1) Can you hear me now?
2) OK. I have pulled the cord. Now What?
Tushar Zaver, Greensboro
Liked number 2

Help! I am falling down and I will not be able to get up.
Beverly M. Goldston, Siler City

Being president...$
Living in the White House...$$
Coming home on Parachute One...Priceless!
David Jones, Greensboro

RENEGOTIATE ! My severance package is in BIG trouble !
Dawn Hailey, Greensboro

"Don `t worry. Everything is going just fine."
"Yes. I would like to order a new parachute."
"Hey. Mr.Tribel, may I take off my hat? I think my hair will support me better than my parachute."
Jordan Frye, age 9

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
Ray Kislowski, McLeansville

Emergency chute opening. At 85, I've proved my point, I think this is my last jump, Barbara!
Sandi O'Reilly, Greensboro

1.) I was gonna jump.You didn't have to push me YA BIG JERK!
2.) I have to hang up! I've swallowed 6 bugs and possibly a hummingbird.
3.)Army airborne hasn't been the same since Obama got rid of "don't ask don't tell."
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Liked number two. Out of the box

In support of my wife who's so cute,
I attempted her high-risk pursuit.
But the pack that she sent
Wound up holding a tent.
When I called her, she cried out, "Oh, Chute!"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Nice poem.

Hello, Information? Acme Parachute Co., please.
Diane Johnson, Siler City
Good

No, Mr. Rickard, I didn't see those characters from January 8th up here. Should I try the city reservoir?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"Charlie, I need to reschedule my haircut appointment."
Bill Briggs, Greensboro

Can you hear me now??Good....HEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Timothy Crews

My caption is: "Hello E-Bay, can you send that parachute extra air express?"
Richard Morris, Denton

1.)Ok,I'm over the inauguration and I just opened the JEB FOR PRESIDENT 2012 parachute.
2.) Can I call you back? I'm in the middle of pointlessly risking my life right now.
3.) What do you mean "guess where I got the material for your new orange and yellow silk shirt"?!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Liked the Out-thereness of the last one.

9. She's screening her calls again!
10. Pick up, Pick up! (Here's my ditty)Skydiving is the best sport for me, floating free is great you see, alone at last and having such a blast, but when your parachute fails, your life memories flash and you see the ground coming fast, you lose all hope and then you think my life is over because I'm such a dope!
11. Rescue me, it'll be a splatt down!
Nancy Nelson

STREAMER! Mayday-SOS-911-Big bird.
I wish I was over the Hudson River.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

12. Gee whiz, it's another answering machine!
13. Wrong number!
14. 911... No this is not a joke!
15. Check and make sure my health insurance hasn't expired!
16. Cancel my order for that pizza!
17. I'll need $100,000 more life insurance, now
18. Honey, I think I've found a way for you to pay the taxes on our home!
19. You don't know the gravity of my situation here!
Nancy Nelson

Hello 911,will you send an ambulance out to the old barbed wire factory.
2.)Guess where I'm calling from,c'mon just guess!
3.)Why are the birds flying upside down?
4.) Wait a minute,if we're copying D.B. Cooper why did you keep the money?!
Tim Tribbett

Yes, I would be interested in purchasing life insurance, I'm glad you called!
Bryan Tribbett- Roanoke, Va.

"Hello Hobbies and Games. What is your warranty on parachutes?"
James Durham-Greensboro
Nice

"CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!"
"Remember when you told me to drop by sometime?"
"How soon can you deliver a jumbo-sized beanbag chair?"
"I don't mean I only have a few minutes on my cell, I only have a few minutes!"
"Why didn't you tell me this parachute was made by acme?"
"I'm gonna need a change of underwear and a drink when I land!"
"I'd like to request a song - free fallin' by Tom Petty."
"What does the manual say about landing in a lion's den?"
"My therapist thinks skydiving may curb my telephone addiction."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
My favorite was number 2

1.)What?! He doesn't have his own chute and I was supposed to hold onto him?!
2.) Hello 911,can you please send an ambulance out to the old sheet glass factory!
3.) #$%@& She's not looking! I'm going to have to do it again!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Hello? Acme Parachutes complaint department?"
"Well, yes, the views are spectacular.....OK, how about a fifty per cent refund?"
Kevin Little
Liked these

1.) That last bond with the pool also had a hidden skydiving tax?!
2.) Never insult the pilot over shark infested waters!
3.)Boy,the airlines have really gotten tough on people who break the rules!
4.)Make sure you don't take me to the same hospital Charles Davenport Jr. stayed in!!
5.)Yeah, Rickard chickened out again! You owe me 50 bucks.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

20. What a bummer!
21. Land ahoy!
22. Give me a break!
23. Cancel all my appointments!
24. EEK!
25. I can see clearly now, this was a mistake!
26. Can you hear me now?!
27. Oh no, the batteries are dead!
28. What do you mean, I don't have any more minutes?!
29. Help!
30. I'm dying here!
31. Stupid cell phone!
32. My life has been canceled!
33. Well sue me then!
34. Joke's on you ex, don't expect any more spousal support checks!
35. The joke's on me, I'll be laid out instead of layed off!
Nancy Nelson

Yes I am interested in Life Insurance if it is a guaranteed issued policy!
Honey, I will not be home for dinner,in fact I will not be home!
I told you I had a bad feeling about Budget Skydiving Lessons!
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

"What do you mean my parachute has been recalled?"
"Now you call and tell me I forgot my reserve chute."
"Loaf of bread, dozen eggs and hair curlers?"
"Chutes R Us complaint department, Let me make this quick....."
"Hello, control tower, you really have to do something about these Canadian geese."
"Hello, Marks deli, you might want to tell everyone in your diningroom to get "Outtt!!!"
"Yes, 911, I have an emergency......"
Alan Parrish, Clemmons
Some good ones here. I really liked the grocery list. It didn't register with the other judges

"Can you hear me now"
Sorry, but I need to cancel my appointment and I do not need to reschedule..
"Please do not put me on hold"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

You told me that I had a 'golden' parachute, this is not golden!
I don't know why I keep dropping the call!
Darrell Kimrey, Greensboro

"Honey, I'll be home earlier than I thought."
Myra Johnson, Siler City

"Yes, I decided to take the bailout!"
"The bailout is stimulating; I hope there will be a soft landing."
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU NOW!"
"I don't know what happened after I saw that flock of geese fly by."
Mike. Creech, Springboro, OH
Geese. good idea ... but wasn't quite there ...

"I should have suspected something when my exit interview was scheduled on the company plane."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Scratch sky diving off my bucket list!"
"Can you hear me now!?"
"You want a divorce!! Wait, didn't you pack my chute?"
"The chute's opening. What's next?"
"What, my life insurance is denied. I'm considered a high risk!?"
"My toup has flow the coup!"
"FAA, there is a gaggle of geese closing in. Please advise"
"You forgot to tell me you borrowed my backup chute to use as a drop cloth!"
"Gino, I see you and am dropping in. Large cheese in 5!"
"Hey, Tim, you don't smell what you cut sky diving!!"
"There is a recall on my discount chute. Faulty everything!"
"What do you mean joining the mile-high club on a solo basis!?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I may be a little early!"
Scott Linham, Greensboro
Good

Thanks for your blog. I really enjoy it!
"I'm falling faster than the stock market."
"Can you hear me now?"
"Okay, I pulled the cord, now what?"
Mike. Creech, Springboro, OH
Thanks, Mike! I really enjoy your entries!

"........ So can you finally HEAR ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ryan Natal, age 12, Greensboro

"Can you hear me now?"
Ciara Tolbert, Age 9, Julian

1.)Dang it,another dropped call!
2.) Chitty chitty bang bang ran out of gas.
3.)They need to label that eject button!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro(my captions stink this week,sorry)
Well, they're not as good as usual, but nobody's seemed to be.

I'd like to order a pepperoni pizza
Are you sure you don't deliver?
Marsha Minsky, LosCon 36
Hi, Number Eight!

1.) Hello 911,will you please send an ambulance out to the old rusty nail and broken glass storage facility!
2.) I don't see a future in one man synchronized skydiving!
3.)A LITTLE LOUDER PLEASE!
4.) The elevator was broken and I'm just too lazy to take the stairs.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I've fallen and I can't get open..."
"Can you hear me now?"
"I shouldn't have outsourced packing my parachute..."
I didn't think that they would really give me a golden parachute ...
I thought that golden parachute looked heavy .....
Phone: "Your estimated wait is ...30 ... minutes..."
Man "I don't have 30 minutes..."
I should have gone bungee jumping instead....
"On the bright side, I don't have to worry about my IRA anymore..."
"I'm hoping for bionic legs, bionic arms, and bionic hearing..."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

"Tell my 4 o'clock I've fallen just a little behind."
"What was the name of that Indian again?"
"It was a GOLDEN parachute I asked for, you idiot!"
"Yes, I'm in a place where no one can overhear me."
"I think I can get a better signal in other 5,000 feet."
"No, you're not interrupting anything."
"You'll have to forgive me for not texting you."
"No, I DON'T want to be put on hold!"
Don Byers, Greensboro
Good stuff. I liked number 2 especially.

HEY......where is the ?%!!#^@?? ?X
Paul Poretta, Highpoint??

1.) Being a repo man for airplanes is tougher than I thought.
2.)The #$%*& airline said landing now costs extra!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.) That's the last time I fly a no frills airline!
2.)Always read the fine print on a coach ticket!
2.) I found out why my fare was so darn cheap!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Liked the theme of the last 2

"Quick, move that trampoline over about 10 feet."
Christian Pike, 12, Junior Division, Siler City"
Some judges liked this one a lot

"Hon, I've got good news and I've got bad news. Know that new car we couldn't afford??...."
"Hello, do you take drop ins?"
"No, I do NOT want to be put on hold."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
the "on hold" is good but others beat you to it.

1. "I'd like to report a metaphor for government bailouts."
2. "Hey Carl, I found out what that little red lever on the plane is for."
3. "Silly string! My parachute cord is silly string!"
4. "This was the argument I was trying to avoid when I jumped out with the only chute."
5. "Geronimo, somehow I'm not surprised you feel you have a higher calling."
6. "Wow! You really can hear me now?"
7 "What do you MEAN I'm not falling fast enough for the chute to open?"
8. "Yes, in hindsight jumping out of a perfectly good airplane when you're the pilot is a bad idea."
9. "What section are you in? Don't worry, they'll think I'm part of the Super Bowl halftime show."
10. "My bad. I forgot I'm the pilot."
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Liked number two

"Uh hello--Council-this is Mitch-exactly how far do you want me to dive?"
Don Howard, Greensboro

" AT&T Really does have more bars in more places"
ali williamson, age 11, SummerField

"Hold on...I'll be catching up to our 401K any minute."
"Golden parachute or not, it's still worthless."
"Ever since they got rid of the corporate jet, I have to travel this way."
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"A shovel and a my dental records should do it."
"I'll be late...No, not to dinner. Just late."
"Not only is this chute packed wrong, I'm almost out of minutes."
"How high was I when I jumped? About two-fifths."
"Geronimo was a little passé; it's Geronimo.com now."
"Yeah, I'm in the ether. I just passed Slim Whitman, Moe Howard and Lindsay Lohan's career."
"You look like ants down there. What? No, my altimeter's not brok....."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

"Honey, I just want to tell......Bill? What are you doing there?
"Can you hear me now?"
"Hold on, I'm getting another call."
"We have to make this quick, I think my batteries are going dead."
"Honey, what color of dress is your mother wearing?"
"Dang, I think I just swallowed a june bug."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
5 had potential, but too obscure

I can't talk right now. I'm on the "fly".
Katie Wooten Age 8

Oh, i'm supposed to pull the cord not let it be snapped off by a bird.
Katie Wooten Age 8

Hey honey, I'm gonna be home a little earlier than expected.
This is the last time I buy anything on ebay.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
Good ones, Frank!

"Hello, yes, um I don't think I'm cut out at being a tandem parachute instructor!"
Ned Norman, San Diego
I like this. I don't think the other judges were familiar enough with skydiving to appreciate this one.

Hummmphhh -- and people thought D. B. Cooper was the biggest "bail out" ever.
They just don't make corporate jets like they used to.
Who packed this 'chute . . . a taxpayer?
Nobody in Alabama will pay any attention to me.
Joan Lux Greensboro
… Alabama?

"A couple of geese just hit my parachute!"
"Is this the ACME Parachute Company? I have a complaint about your product."
"Oh, that's how you join the Mile High Club!"
"I'll be dropping by in..oh, about five seconds!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
Liked the idea of Geese, but noone really pulled it off

Hello, 911 ?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Yellow then red?"
(Nicolas Cage in Honeymoon in Vegas)
"McDonalds, please activate your Dive-Thru Window."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

1) " I should've had more confidence in Sullenberger ! "
2) " I'm going to use a sick day. "
3) " I'll be there or my name is not D. B. Cooper. "
4) " I'll be arriving early. "
5) " I'd like to cancel my plan."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Good stuff but you were beaten to the punch on most

Is my plane still under warranty?
Hey, Mom, mind if I drop in?
Joey Preston, Greensboro
good

"Hon, it's almost noon, and I need for you to enter one more caption for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro