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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
We're a bit light in the number of entries for Jr. category. You lazy slacker kids ages 12 and under! Get with it! Make sure to include your age and put "Jr. category" in the subject heading.
A few of you confused the array of remotes for cell phones (?). There were a lot of puns involving many variations of the term "remote." A nice caption from Stacy that involved Jake Delhomme hit home, but was a bit too long to be included in runners-up (see below.)

WINNER
So there I was, stuck in the sofa with nothing to eat but stale cheese puffs…
Ken Sheldon, Elon

JR. DIVISION WINNER
"Let's show the TV who's boss"
Alyssa Olmedo. Jamestown, Age 4
(Four? Really? Wow!)

RUNNERS-UP
"Let's face it, we're all control freaks."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Commercial? What's a commercial?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Everytime Jack Bauer kills someone you have to drink.
Chris Burgio, Greensboro

Here's to confusing old people!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

I love it when the cable goes out!
Diane Johnson, Siler City

The fortune teller said I'd be surrounded by chips and dip on February 1.
Joan Lux Greensboro

So it's agreed, we make the universal "disappear" tonight!
Eric Grimm, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
So Carrie,how are things between you and Mr. Big screen.(oh man was that lame!)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Yup.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
I think Tim is starting to mark the Vodka bottle guys
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
After reading these entries, I'm cutting you off!

"Here's to Tim Rickard, named Cartoon Network's 2008 Man of the Year!"
Gray Amick, Greensboro
I can dream, can't I?

What TV remotes do when you can't find them (except in Asheboro).
Curt Raygor, Summerfield

BEST/WORST PUNS
'I didn't realize this was such a remote location.'
Darrell Kimrey, Greensboro
My favorite from the bunch of puns this week. Actually made it to the short list.

BEST POEM
With martinis they're looking so slick.
There's an issue that cuts to the quick.
There's a question because
Hitting each other's "Pause"
Does not qualify them as a clique.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

MATURE
Here's to our owner finally washing his hands after eating cheetos or watching porn.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
EEWWW!!

I was hoping the swap button meant something else,heh,heh.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

And on a related subject …
Is this one of those parties where everyone throws their batteries in a bowl?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Good news. I now have the naked channel!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

How bout a little pay per view porn Time- Warner remote ol' buddy?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Can you believe how much porn this guy watches?!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
I'm seeing a pattern here …

THE REST
1.) Here's to the universal remote!
2.) God bless the universal remote!
3.)Here's to the universal remote and early retirement.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1.)Here's to Bob and his new batteries!
2.) I think Tim is starting to mark the Vodka bottle guys.
3.) Here's to no locks on the liquor cabinet!
4,)Here's to Frank's recent batteryoscopy and a clean bill of health!
5.) Congrats to Bob and his promotion to universal remote!
6.)Welcome to our new friend 65 inch Panasonic plasma remote.(Don't I wish!))
7.) So we all agree to randomly switch functions?
8.) And the winner of this month's most times aimed at a device with no response contest is Cindy!
9.)And thanks to that good ol' drunken slut Barbie for donating the martini glasses.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

I love it when the cable goes out!
Diane Johnson, Siler City

1.)A toast to Frank, who was lost behind the sofa cushions.
2.) Here's to confusing old people!
3.) A toast in memory of the VCR remote!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Nice stuff this week (again)

"Well guys, here's to our successful escape."
Linda Gretton, Greensboro

"Drinking in moderation is OK as long as we stay in control."
Linda Gretton, Greensboro

'Why do you always push my buttons at these parties?'
'I would say my chances are pretty remote, wouldn't you?'
'All these remotes and only two hands!'
'I didn't realize this was such a remote location.'
Darrell Kimrey, Greensboro

Here's to Bob Blackberry, "Ringtone of the Year"!
Ken Layton, Carthage

1.) Here's to DTV!!
2.) To analog TV, may they rest in peace!
3.) Here's to Inauguration day! May we get a good work-out!
4.) Okay guys! The Superbowl is coming up!!! Let's look alive!
5.) All right guys! Where are we hiding this week? Under the couch cushion, or in the bathroom?
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro
I liked #5

They always find me under the sofa and I can't remember how I got there.
Angela Roberts, Jamestown
Good one

A toast, to the fastest thumbs on the couch!
Grace Lindsey, Greensboro

"It's simply humiliating when the baby chews on me."
"And here's to our fallen comrades under beds and behind couches...."
"Unfortunately I belong to a couch potato."
"I'm getting to where I can't stand being touched."
"I'm having these horrible nightmares where I'm being chased by fingers covered in grape jelly."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
I liked the first one. Silly

1) Yeah, I got downsized by him too..
2) Some guys just like to showoff.
3) Always have to be right don't you?
4) What do you me anything I can do you can do better?
Tim Williams, Greensboro

1. Cell no!
2. Let's CELLabrate!
3. Let's give them something to talk about!
4. No flipping way will be layed off tonight!
5. Guys heads up, it's inauguration day!
6. There is the REMOTE possibility that our batteries will fail.
7. Let's keep this party afloat!
8. You'll be SHOCKed at how much this stuff can affect your job performance!
Nancy Nelson

"Drink up and everybody hide."
Pete Dey, Greensboro

"Talk about CHANGE, we could never hold drinks like this before Obama was elected!"
"So long Rabbit Ears."
"Yes, we have been instruments of change for years, but to expect an
Obama cabinet position was expecting too much."
"Change? That's not new. It's what we do every day."
"So long analog."
I'm going to miss ol' Rabbit Ears.
Mike Creech, Springboro, OH

"Let's cell-a-brate!"
"Let's have a cell-a-bration!"
Richard Howle, Jamestown

Seriously. I tried my hardest to talk to her but she's not remotely interested in me!
Leslie Kelly-Council, Gibsonville
Bah-dum-bah!

"I'm so glad they've put martinis on the menu, aren't you"
Kaye King, Burlington

1. "Hello boys. I'm from Boston. They call me 'Da Clickah'."
2. What TV remotes do when you can't find them.
3. What TV remotes do when you can't find them (except in Asheboro).
4. "I must confess that I get turned on by the TV...and vice versa."
Curt Raygor, Summerfield

"So which one of you is watching the Inauguration?"
Ryan Natal

So there I was, stuck in the sofa with nothing to eat but stale cheese puffs.
You mean that there are women too? I never see much of them.
Trust me. Hiding under the magazine rack just drives them CRAZY!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Nice ones.

With martinis they're looking so slick.
There's an issue that cuts to the quick.
There's a question because
Hitting each other's "Pause"
Does not qualify them as a clique.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

I can not believe the names he called me while he was sitting on me!
It was fun under the couch. I don't know why he was so upset!
I get no respect, I am so basic!
After all these years, he is going to trash us for a universal remote!
Great going away party. I am not looking forward to the attic.
I can not have another drink, he will be home soon.
It is so much easier on me when she controls me.
I hope there is a game on tonight, waking up every 30 minutes is no fun.
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

You should have heard the names he was calling me while he was sitting on me!
It was fun under the couch. I don't know why he was so upset.
This is a great going away party. I am not looking forward to going to the attic.
I can not have another drink, he will be home soon
I hope a game is on tonight. Waking up every 30 minutes is no fun.
It is easier on me when she controls me
After all these years ,I cannot believe he is replacing us with a universal remote
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

1.) I just don't think the garage door opener is club material.
2.) Whee,I don't remember what I control and I don't care!
3.) I love you guys! (hic)
4.)Who's the designated universal remote tonight?
5.)This party is to cheer up DVD remote who's feeling a little nervous about the new Blueray player.
6.)That BlueRay remote thinks he's God's gift to television.
7.) Is this one of those parties where everyone throws their batteries in a bowl?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Drink and be merry, tomorrow we will be obsolete.
Here today tomorrow the recycle bin.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
Did you hear about the man who handed his wife the remote during a Super Bowl?
The fortune teller said I'd be surrounded by chips and dip on February 1.
I've NEVER had to work as hard as I did this past Tuesday.
Tuesday almost did me in -- how about you?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I like my drinks like my batteries...mixed."
"Do you all recall?"
"Who's in control of this toast?"
"Everyone pause for a moment..."
"How many times are you going to repeat yourself?"
"We shall replay this memory over and over again."
"Now, this is what I call charging up!"
"We're not gonna tape it!"
"This wouldn't be possible without universal."
"Is everyone focusing?"
"Yes, we can change!"
"So, who will still be around for digital?"
Ian Knight, Greensboro

Well, my son is interning at Mattel in the RC Automotive division.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

9. How many remotes does it take to turn on a TV?!
10. How many buttons do we really need?!
11. Some of us need to go home and sleep it off!
12. Who's in charge of recording the inauguration!
13. Who forgot to turn on the VCR?!
14. Did you set the timer for the football game?
Nancy Nelson

"Welcome to our weekly mixer for incompatible singles."
Tom Shelmerdine, Greensboro

1. His wife came in asked if he lost the remote again? He said no, the cat was playing hide and seek.
2. Thanks for the send off guys. The new guys arrive with the fancy theater system, satellite dish, and HDTV.
3. New American Idol judge good looking? Missed seeing her as I got stuffed between the cushions again.
4. Time to retire. I just don't have the circuits to handle it all anymore.
5. Actually, I work the VHS player in the back room.
6. Well, I am pretty basic.
7. Didn't you know that vintage is in now?
8. Well, it's Super Bowl time again, so the "coach" has decided this player needs to be replaced.
9. See you guys are here for the interview. Good luck. Bet you won't last as long as I have.
10. Being basic, uncomplicated and easy to work I survived. My best to the winner as this guy has no technological sense at all.
11. You say you all come with manuals and easy instructions? Well, here's to lots of luck!
Sandi O'Reilly, Greensboro

1.) Here's to the guy that stepped on the universal remote.
2.) Here's to new batteries!
3.) A toast to the energizer bunny!
4.) A toast to Circuit city.We will never forget you!
5.) Here's to good ol' Circuit city! Rest in peace.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1.) Congrats to VCR remote on his recent retirement!
2.) How bout a little pay per view porn Time- Warner remote ol' buddy?
3.) Here's to no more dollar store batteries!
4.)You control the TV? I thought I contolled the TV!
5.) A toast to redundancy!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

All's well that Tivo's well.
Carol Eubanks

1.) A toast to Kyle who passed away recently due to a coroded battery.
2.)Here's to our owner finally washing his hands after eating cheetos or watching porn..
3.) Here's to rotting the minds of today's youth!
4.) (Hic)I better mute myself before I say something I'll reget.
5.) Oye, que presiono' el boton de la lengua espanola.(Hey,who pressed the spanish language button)
6.)Can everyone hear me over the music or do I need to use closed captioning?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Liked #s 4 and 6

"so i said Feb. 28th is good for me"
Seth Kennedy, Greensboro

"Gosh, it's great to be out and about again, especially after being wedged down between two sofa cushions for a couple of weeks".
Keith Gunn, Madison
Nice

15. I can remember when they had to walk over to the TV and turn a knob to change channels!
16. Have you heard the latest, they have a remote that TALKS?!
17. A talking remote, what's next!
18. They are so out of control, they know how to push all our buttons!
19. We can't control everything!
20. We should just hide their instructions and see what happens!
Nancy Nelson

1.) Someone hit the aspect button so I have room to bust a move.
2.) He pushed the living heck outta my eyeball yesterday!
3.) Whee!! Here's to living in the Pike house!
4.)Can you believe how much porn this guy watches?!
5.)He keeps aiming me at his wife and pushing the heck outta my mute button!
6.)The idiot aimed the garage door opener at the TV yesterday!
7.)Agreed! No more #$%*& reality TV !!! (I learned the joys of cartoon cussing from you Tim.Aren't you proud?)
8.)Geez Time -Warner,you drink like a Sponge Bob.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1.)Careful what you say around the DVR remote.That dude remembers everything!
2.) I'm hungry.Someone hit Menu.
3.)I was hoping the swap button meant something else,heh,heh.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"I heard 20% cutback middle of February"
"Hey guys, I just signed on with Overhead Door, opening position"
"Digital - smigital, next to go are my AAA's"
Jim Lawrence, Summerfield

"I warned him, don't push that button"
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville

"I'll have what TVx is drinking."
Phil Johnson, Siler City

"TVx's problem??? His button's been pushed one time too many."
Christian Pike, age 12 Siler City

"The converter box has been playing headgames with ol' TVx over there."
Myra Johnson, Siler City

"The guy on the end?? Identity crisis.........he learned his girlfriend is a cell phone."
Christian Pike, age 12 Siler City

1.)Somebody hit 'II' while I go to the bathroom.
2.) Here's to clocks that always blink 12:00.
3.) A toast to extended warranties!!!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

21. Don't push my buttons!
22. If they don't push my buttons, I'm out of a job!
Nancy Nelson

1.)So Carrie,how are things between you and Mr. Big screen.
2.) Watch it pal,you're really pushin' my buttons!
3.) I can't get a decent massage without making the entertainment center go nuts!
4.) And then I was just a few feet away from a great white shark,but enough about the Discovery channel.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Drink up guys, here's to HDTV!"
catherine mckoy

"To all the girls I loved before."
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Here's to another year of use and abuse by the couch potatoes of the world!!"
"Cheer up, we will deliver HD on February 17th!!"
"Good news. I now control an entire home theater!!"
"Damn our circuits. Bottoms up!"
"To health ... and hand sanitizer!!"
"To our hero, WALL-E!
"Good news. I now have the naked channel!"
"To our lost and tossed comrades!"
"Mine is 43". How big are yours?"
"Our chances may be remote, but here's to control of the universe!!"
"If only we had legs, we could run away from those fat fingers!!"
"Here the hair of the pet dog that bit you!"
"Drink up. It's a proven external degreaser!"
"May the best remote win"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"where're remotely alike"
Louise Adcock, Siler City

Sometimes, I just feel like a VCR in a Tivo world.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

After a few drinks, Jimmy's friends seemed a little remote.
David C. Ribar, Greensboro

"Enjoy, fellows! Their New Year's gym resolutions usually burn out by February!"
Kevin Little

A change would do us good
"To Change...."
"I don't think this is how batteries are supposed to 'recharge.'"
"We need to rest for the Superbowl commercials."
I guess our votes did change the election ... to ACORN."
All you need to do to change their positions is have them elected to office ...
"This looks like a "super" majority to me."
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough

"Here's to another year of not being replaced by a universal remote."
"I'm glad you old timers finally let me join your club."
"Here's to what really happens between the cushions."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

When I said our batteries needed more juice, this is not what I had in mind.
Zander Miller age 11

Then when Jake Delhomme threw that last interception, he banged me twice on the coffee table and launched me across the room. I hate the NFL playoffs.
Stacy Miller Greensboro
Nice.

23. Well this is better than being lined up on the coffee table!
24. We'll hide in the couch, they'll never find us there!
25. Get lost!
26. I bet I can drink all of you under the table!
Nancy Nelson
Liked # 24, but, as you can see, it was a common theme.

"One more, you bums, and then get lost."
"The bubbles tickle my recall button."
"After this, will one of you hit my sleep button?"
"Hic, and I? say Seinfeld was number one."
"Commercial? What's a commercial?"
"I think I'm about to lose my bodily functions."
"That wasn't even remotely funny."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
I really liked #3 too

1) My buttons are sore from all that texting.
2) I love those commercials
3) My owner is a faster texter than yours.
4) I vote for a price increase.
John Lonergan, Whitsett

1. "Max, isn't that your wife over there playing with a Wii Controller?"
2. "My doctor said I should get fresh batteries whenever I feel
I'm loosing control of my bodily functions."
3. "What's wrong with Larry? He looks like he just saw a universal remote."
4. "My wife says I'm too distant and controlling."
5. "Let's face it, we're all control freaks."
6. "Remember, everyone scatter and hide before he gets home."
7. "…And then I said,‘Change the channel yourself'."
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Good suff.

Here's to the digital conversion!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1.So it's agreed, we all stop working on February 17th.
2.So it's agreed, we make the universal "disappear" tonight!
3.So it's agreed, we delete the TiVo tonight.
4.Which one of you took my batteries?
5.So, I just got some batteries from her nightstand.
6.So I said to wife "quit pushing my buttons Alice, or it's bang, zoom, straight to the couch".
Eric Grimm, Greensboro

"And so my friends as we say our last goodbyes, ‘Here's to progress! Harry,
Push ON!'"
Chuck Norton, Reidsville

"Hey, let's head down to that new sofa bar."
David Downing, Greensboro

Hardy-har-har! Wasn't that just the funniest when the wife was pushing all of our buttons and began screaming, "Which of these stupid things turns on the TV??!!!"
Kelly Frye

"Bob, that language is definitely TV 14."
"Who was supposed to bring the potato chip crumbs?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Does Tim seem a little remote to you?
"He sure changed things and we're going to miss him."
"Frankly girls, I don't think he'll ever change."
"Now that we're all here, this changes everything."
"Cheer up, things will change tomorrow."
Michael Creech, Springboro, OH

"I hate I called him "rabbit ears"."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Heres to Analog,? May he rest in Peace..
Jon Sorman, Greensboro

"My doctor prescribes fresh batteries whenever I feel I'm loosing control of my bodily functions."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Here's to Change! That's our job you know".
Bob Fuller, Greensboro

"Barack Obama talks about change, but we've been doing it all our life." -
Emily Olmedo, Jamestown, Age 8

"Let's show the TV who's boss"
Alyssa Olmedo, Jamestown, Age 4

"I can't believe we've been replaced. The new guy's name is Universal, and
they say he can do the work of all of us"
Eric Olmedo, Jamestown

"Here's to Tim Rickard, named Cartoon Network's 2008 Man of the Year!"
"The Greensboro Recycling Center has determined rabbit ears are recyclable!"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Hears to another year lost in the cushions. UGH.
Only one round this year boys. Couldn't find much change.
Tina Gilmore, Greensboro