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And for next week's cartoon: happy Halloween.

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
Hot headed, strikes or striking, match.com, light my fire , smoking is bad for you, perfect match, etc. were some of the more common responses. Several of you came up with a nicotine gum/patch reference that I thought was clever. First come, first serve though. And there were my favorites, the usual batch of obscure references that sent me scurrying to Google (phillumenist, anyone?)

WINNER
How many matches does it take to light a simple freakin' barbecue?!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
If he weren't so cheap, he'd buy some air freshener.
Bill Wallace, High Point

"Oooh...look at all the pretty colors he can make..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Have you noticed the high rate of burnout on this job?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

Stop, drop and roll!
Nancy Nelson

Well, secret Santa won't be much fun this year.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"He's lighting his own WHAT?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
(Welcome back, Joel. You had the record this week for most entries to make the short list.)

If they think smoking is harmful to their health…
Don Byers, Greensboro

"Alone at last!"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro
Way to go, Bill. A different expression on the match's face and this would have been a real contender.

"I sure hope those nicotine patches work!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
Welcome, back Kris.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
What's that dufus Brewster up to now?
Nancy Nelson

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"You know that it would be untrue..."
David Holley, Greensboro

"Where's a phillumenist when you need him?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
(It means matchbook collector)

"You must be Mix."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
… I have no idea.

"I told him he should ease up on the Aqua Velva..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
… also, no idea.

I am glad Corbin Dallas gave up smoking.'
Jon Barsanti Jr
(5th Element)

BEST/WORST PUN
I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine has gone.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
This'll make the BEST/WORST PUN hall of fame

THE REST
"The others didn't come back. Was it something I said?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Your gas really cleared the house."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I say we go on Strike until we get a better health care plan!"
"Beware 'The Thumb' my friend..."
"Do I feel warm to you?"
"Oooh...look at all the pretty colors he can make..."
"I feel a sneeze coming on..."
"Come On Baby Light My Fire..."
"OK...I got one...two cigars walk into a bar..."
"One More Time!! Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match..."
"Close De Door...It's Cold..."
"The waiting isn't so bad...it's the face plant across the sidewalk there that I'm worried about..."
"Look at him...laying there all rough and tough...just taunting us..."
"Stay away from the light..."
"OK...you've sparked my interest..."
"Do you think it might be too late to change careers?"
"There he was...face down in a bottle of beer...it was horrible..."
"A Blaze Of Glory my friend...A Blaze of Glory..."
"I'm glad her birthday only comes once a year..."
"I'm glad he's gone...he was always such a Hot Head anyway..."
"Looks like we won't be playing Rock, Paper, Scissors anymore..."
"It was always Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! I'm glad she's gone!"
"I was sick of always being the Monkey In The Middle!"
"Oooh...I think I left the coffee pot on this morning!"
"Ouch...that's gonna leave a mark..."
"I told him not to pick at it!"
"That's gotta hurt!"
"...and then there were two..."
"I told you camping wouldn't be as fun as you thought it would be..."
"Just the two of us...we can make it if we try...just the two of us...you and I...Sing With Me!"
"Oh dear...look at poor Penny in the next panel, how embarrassing for her..."
"Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?"
"Are You Thinking What I'm Thinking?"
"When I go, I'm donating my eyes to Stevie Wonder..."
"When it's my time...I think I'd just like to be cremated..."
"I heard she'd been cheating on him with an old flame..."
"I just hope I don't end up under somebody's foot..."
"Then there was my Uncle Joe, he died in a gas water heater incident..."
"Then there was my Aunt Rita, she was a smoker..."
"...and then there was Uncle Chow...he died in a fireworks accident..."
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking..."
"Stop Touching Me!"
"Dude...move over..."
"All this room and you have to be RIGHT up on me?!?!?"
"I guess yelling, "Smoke Em' If Ya Got Em'' wasn't the best choice of words..."
"In hind sight...a magnifying glass probably wasn't the best gift idea."
"Show Off!!!"
"I told her to use sunscreen but did she ever listen?"
"Will anyone who wants to have their head Engulfed In Flames please take one step forward..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

" Two more Strikes and we're Out ! ! ! "
" Hope he'll close the cover before we Spark ! "
" Close the Cover before We Spark ! "
" We are a Match made in Havana ! "
" This is what happens when they forget to Close the Cover before Striking ! "
" All our friends have got up in Smoke ! "
" If his team wins We'll Light a Couple of Cigars ! "
" I Feel a little Burning Sensation ! "
" Warning Lablels mean Nothing Anymore ! "
" They Can't Play with US !
" Let's Strike ! "
" The Warning Label Protects Us & Them ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1. Burn baby burn!
2. 2. She's about to light my fire!
3. 3. I don't want to be a hot head!
4. 4. Don't let him strike me! 5. But, we're the perfect match!
5. 6. We're a match made in heaven!
6. 7. Hasn't he heard of a lighter!
7. 8. I'm about to be snuffed out!
8. 8. It's now or never!
9. 9. He's playing with fire!
10. 10. Baby,don't light my fire!
11. 11. Stick with me and we'll light up this place.
12. 12. Now's not the time to be shy!
13. 13. It's going to be a hot time in the old town tonight!
14. 14 Matches burn!
15. 15. I'm out of here!
16. 16. I'm going on strike!
17. 17. Strike 1, Strike 2, Strike 3, she's out!
18. Nancy Nelson

"Which one us do you think they will FIRE next".
Dennis Kays, Greensboro

18. Don't strike out!
19. They told be you were a hottie!
20. First, they should try rubbing sticks together!
21. When the lights go out, we go out!
22. It's the Match game! 23. Oh no, our covers been blown!
24. Do you smell that?
25. They're going to get burned.
Nancy Nelson

26. Oh boy, they're making Smores!
27. I smell smoke!
28. I hope they don't grill me!
29. Wheres Smokey when you need him!
30. I see a job in my near future!
32. Where they're smoke theres fire!
33. Why can't they just snuggle under a blanket!
Nancy Nelson

" Our Cover is Blown ! "
" Let's Go Undercover ! "
" I couldn't tell you because I was Undercover ! "
" Our Children have all Lit Out ! "
" All our friends have Lit Out ! "
" I Don't Take our Relationship Lightly ! "
" You Know Your Eyes Set Me Afire ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Quick, spit on me!
David Graves, Browns Summit

That "light a candle instead of cursing the darkness" stuff is overrated.
One more verse of "You Light Up My Life" and you're history!
Yeah, yeah, I know "what really burns you up."
The Surgeon General needs a little more clout.
If they think smoking is harmful to their health.
Wanna draw matchsticks to see who goes last?
Watch out for head abrasions.
Just before you die you'll see a great light.
Seems like life is just one flare up after another.
My mother always said I really light up a room.
Just be glad he closes the cover before striking.
Don Byers, Greensboro
Some good ones here, Don

Hey, what do you think about striking out on our own?
I'm glad we met on Match.com!
If they play 'Light my Fire' one more time, we're done.
Darrell Kimrey, Greensboro

Two more strikes you are out.
James Durham-Greensboro

34. Flame it!
35. This is lame, they don't need a flame!
36. Hurry call Smokey!
37. Don't they know, curiosity killed the cat!
38. Think, two heads are better that one!
39. I'm getting a headache!
40.Flameless candles are the newest fad!
(19) They told me you were a hottie!
(29) Where's Smokey when you need him!
(32) Where there's smoke there's fire!
41. Be afraid be very afraid!
Nancy Nelson

"I'm a teetotaler. I refuse to get lit!"
"Self-immolation seems like such a painful way to die!"
"I sure hope those nicotine patches work!"
"My whole family's been a bunch of hotheads."
"Wanna switch places?"
"No, really, I wouldn't mind. I'm a gentleman."
"I sure hope the Bic has plenty of butane!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

Idea! Lets spit on each other.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

1.)Oooh oooh oooh, he's on fire.(apologies to Springsteen)
2.) Thank goodness she quit smoking!
3.) I've left you the booklet in my will.
4.)How many matches does it take to light a simple freakin' barbeque?!!
4.)Do you smell sulfur?
5.) I thought she gave up smoking!
6.)Hey,where did everybody go?
7.)Smoking really is bad for you!
8.)Man,I hope that nicotine patch kicks in soon!
9.)I guess he never learned the rubbing two sticks together method.
10.)That little black strip seemed so harmless!!!
11.)Well,that just burns me up!
12.)Maybe if we pee on each other!
13.)It's just you and me now kid.
14.)Hey jerk,it says to close cover before striking!
15.)I wish we had been closer Bob.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"You Strike me as someone who needs a friend"
June Annis, Jamestown

"Think we got enough spark left to rekindle the flame?"
Rachel Swoap, Greensboro

1. If I go first, I hope you'll light a candle in my honor.
2. That's a good question... My guess would be around 50/50.
3. Yeah, smoking'll kill you, all right.
4. Well, at least we get to go out in a blaze of glory.
5. When it happens, I'll go peacefully... It's thinking about it meanwhile that's driving me nuts.
Andy Fielding, Richmond, BC, Canada
Loved number two, but our other judges didn't flag it.

"Baby, don't let me light your fire."
"Do you get the feeling we almost burn-out."
"You don't expect me to 'put out', do you?"
"Odds are, you will be pick next since you are on the end."
"Are you trying to get close to me?"
"This is no time to put two heads together to try to escape."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"Suddenly Sam's life FLASHED before his eyes!"
Jeff McKeever, Greensboro

"Two more strikes and we're out!"
Kelly Dabbs, Oak Ridge

1.)Do you smell weed?
2,)I wish he would get an air freshner for his bathroom!
3.)Stop telling everyone they look striking!
4.)Come on baby light my fire.
5.)I think romantic candlelight dinners are highly overrated.
6.)I hate it when she goes to the Yankee candle store!
7.)Only you can prevent forest fires.
8.)Well,secret santa won't be much fun this year.
9.)I hate it when he eats pintos!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1- "Wooo, he sure does smoke a lot"
2- "Look, it's you or me babe"
3- "Come on, give me a hug before we part"
4- "Where all the kids go"
5- "Don't look at me, your next"
Ken Chambers, Greensboro

"I think they should put us on the endangered list"
C.D Cooper, Greensboro

" Wonder Who will be Fired Next ? "
" Can You Believe We Evolved from Two Sticks Rubbing Together ? "
" Heard Flint & Steel came out of retirement and are working for BIC ! "
" Flint & Steel Retired because of US ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1. I hope you're not one of those flaming liberals.
2. What a match! We're both in advertising!
3. Is it hot in here or is it just me?
4. I can bake a cake from scratch.
5. Come on, baby, light my fire!
6. Aren't you worried about getting fired?
7. I hope he doesn't close the cover to strike. I'm claustrophobic!
8. Don't give me that old "we're a perfect match" line!
9. I thought you mailed the invitations!
10. Whaddaya mean, I'm a hot ticket?
11. Sigh! Everyone is out setting the world on fire but me.
12. You're no match for me!
13. I feel like I'm like all the others in your book.
14. No, I don't want to go to the company barbecue. There'll be a bunch of hot-heads there.
15. I'm not broke, but I could use a little scratch.
Peggy Clapper, Greensboro

I wish he would just flick his bic!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

So where did the others strike out to?
Two strikes and we're out of here.
You'd think it was the 4th of July.
Remember when we had huge family reunions at really nice restaurants?
We could be out of here by Thanksgiving -- Christmas at the latest.
Sure, as soon as he closes the cover.
Come on, baby, light my fire.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Uh-oh. I smell birthday cake.
Second-hand smoke is no longer the top of our health issues---
I guess this is goodbye--he's having baked beans for dinner.
Kevin Little

"I'm about to find out if it's better to burn out or fade away."
"I'm about to go on strike!"
"Aww man, did he request the smoking section?"
"See you at that big smoking section in the sky."
"Hey, don't you know smoking's bad for you!"
"All I can do now is pray for rain."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"You were my perfect match, but I'm still gonna get burned."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

42. What's that dufus Brewster up to now?
43. Dynomite!
44. But I don't want to set the World on Fire!
46. Come on Baby light my fire!
45. Stop, drop and roll!
46. It's Match Madness!
47. Help, Mom where are you?!
48. Quick, cover your head!
49. It doesn't pay to be a hottie!
50. It doesn't pay to be a hothead!
51. I'm about to combust!
52. She's about to ignite my flame!
Nancy Nelson

1. You don't strike me as being a Dr.
2. I feel a hot flash coming on.
3. I'll be leaving you soon.
4. When I said we should go on strike this is not what I meant.
5. We got a chance, he quit smoking yesterday.
6. Why would anyone want a lighter when they have us?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

1. You bear a striking resemblance to my old flame.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

1. I found you at match.com.
2. I'm glad we both visited match.com
3. We're a perfect match.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

" The polls say we're not a match "
JOHN W REAMES, GREENSBORO

1.)I hate it when the power goes out.
2)I've heard you see a bright light when you go.
3.)My parents wanted me to be a box match.
4.)So,you seeing anybody?
5.)Not even a last meal!
6.)Was it something we said?
7.)I hope she burns her fingers!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine has gone.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"If we don't want to go, do we go off strike?"
Dusty Schoch, High Point

"You didn't have to use match.com. I was here all along."
David Holley, Greensboro

"Smoking isn't just suicide. It's murder.
"I told you we should have started a union."
"I've decided to quit smoking."
"It's not fair--one strike and you're out."
"I regret that I have but one light to give."
"Where's a phillumenist when you need him?"
"I've been told I'm hot-headed."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"You must be Mix."
"Mix?"
"I heard you could wrestle."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
"Mix?" "wrestle?"

"Have you noticed the high rate of burnout on this job?"
"No, I don't think you bounce back from something like this."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro, NC

"You know that it would be untrue..."
David Holley, Greensboro

"I thought he said BUD light?!?!?!?"
"No, no, no...I said BUD light!"
"I told him he should ease up on the Aqua Velva..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

On a lighter note ...
Everybody else is out on strike.
Not another 'strike here, strike now' joke.
"Billy Joel didn't start the fire, it was the rest of the pack."
Whew - she lit the last candle in the bathroom.
"I am glad Corbin Dallas gave up smoking.' (5th Element)
"The wind picked up - we get to see another day."
Jon Barsanti Jr

"Let's hope the nicotine gum works!!"
"With that cough, he won't need us for awhile, maybe never!
"You go next"
"I want to go out big, lighting a bonfire!!"
"Let's hope that was his last smoke!"
"Ooh, the book was just opened again!"
"Relax. He bought a new lighter!"
"Oh no, he is out of light fluid!"
"I hear we next go to the Big Ash Tray"
"What became of the other 18?'
"He said yes, I have a match, my ass and your face!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1. Let's sing,"I don't want to set the world on fire."
2. Let's sing, "You light up my life."
3. I wish someone would close the cover I'm freezing.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"I think we make a good match"
"I feel light headed"
"That's the last time I visit match.com"
"My head itches, but I'm afraid to scratch it"
"My doctor says if I do sit-ups, I'll feel the burn"
Craven Peay, Summerfield

I wish he would close the cover.I really didn't need to see that!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1) I hear you struck out again!
2) Who opened the lid ? What do we do ? Strike up a song!
3) Are they coming after us because the others struck out?
4) I was told how striking I was! I guess that isn't a good thing !
5) You think it is going to hurt ? Yea ! Like a carpet burn!
6)Why do they call us a book when we don't have pages?

"Now that we're alone, I must say that I find you striking."
Kelley Vail, Greensboro

I thought I was signing up for Match.com!!
Marcia Berger, Greensboro

" So, are we a match, or what ?"
Which one of us will get fired ?
Looks like you'll be the last one to get fired
Let's keep the home fires burning
My life is but a flicker of light
Come on baby, light my fire
Lee Richmond, Jamestown

1. What would birthday candles be with us?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Two strikes & we're out" or "Now I lay me down to strike".
Bob Fuller — Greensboro

"I heard a rumor that when Sam got out of here, he really blew his top."
Kelley Vail, Greensboro

1."SUDDENLY I DON'T WANT TO STRIKE OUT ON MY OWN".
2."I THOUGHT WHEN THEY SAID STRIKE THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT BASEBALL".
3."LUCKY STRIKE? WHAT'S LUCKY ABOUT RUBBING YOUR HEAD ON THAT LINE"?
4."THAT'S ONE LINE I DON'T WANT TO CROSS".
5."I THOUGHT IT WAS THREE STRIKES AND YOU'RE OUT".
Paula R. Hairston, GREENSBORO

1) " Do you have any idea how many matches die each year from smoking? "
2) " She found me in his coat pocket now I have to go to divorce court with her . "
3) " Match.com was a huge let down . "
4) " He died from spontaneous combustion. Come to think of it, we all die that way. "
5) " Just our luck, this guy's a chain smoker. "
6) " Go ahead Barack, we won't tell Michelle. "
7) " I'm to young to die !!! "
8) " Why do we have to die, he's the one who stunk up the bathroom ? "
9) " Odd thing is I could really use a cigarette. "
10) " Don't kid yourself, you have no idea what a hot flash is..yet !! "
11) " I don't care if you are the last match, I'm still not going out with you. "
12) " He's lighting his own WHAT ? "
13) " How many years have we been in that glove compartment ? "
14) " False alarm, he's just writing down her phone number. "
15) " It's okay, he's just picking his teeth. "
16) " See how he likes it when I burn the tips of his fingers. "
17) " It's a power outage, that means candles ! "
18) " Did he just say the pilot light went out ? "
19) " We have nothing to worry about, we've been through the washing machine. "
20) " Do you smell phosphorus are is that just me ? "
21) " Wonderful, this guy's a pyromaniac. "
22) " I don't think there is anyway they could charge us with arson. "
23) " Of all the places in the world, we have to live in the windy city. "
24) " People burn out in this job very quickly. "
25) " This strikes me as odd. "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

1.)Wow,I can't believe Smokey the Bear is a firebug!
2.)I hate those darn blue headed matches!
3.)Talk about your deathrows!
4)Not a big fan of scented candles
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I QUIT!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"When is Lent?!"
"He's under stress. What about me?"
"I don't want to be the butt of any jokes this week."
"I thought this was a non-smoking cartoon."
"He's not using that leaky pen to write down that telephone number on us, is he?"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

1) "Don't fret, sweetie--those hot flashes go away"
2) "It's OK, I'll probably go next"
3) "I hate to get that burned-out feeling!"
4) "You look strikng!"
5) "Alone at last!"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

1.) I really need to start reading the job descriptions when I apply for work!
2.) He changed the subject when I asked about a retirement plan.
3.) I'm just gonna come out and say it.This job stinks!!!
4.)No pay and a painful death.Maybe we could do better.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1. "Enough candles already!"
2. "Cool, fireworks!"
3. "I need a cigarette."
4. "Don't worry, he's just playing around."
5. "Doesn't he know smoking is bad for my health?"
6. "They say the last thing you see is a bright white light."
7. "No, she doesn't need a light!"
8. "Sherlock Holmes, I presume."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Hey buddy, got a light?"
"I think I know how this book will end."
"Look, he's trying a patch. We live another day."
"Remember, when you see the black paper, spit like crazy."
"I'm afraid it's not MatchLight, Fred, so it'll take both of us."
"That's either a really big cigar or the dog's on fire."
"Listen, we can talk and joke but we can't play."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"I had no idea our heads could burst into flames."
"One windy day and we lose the whole family."
"I don't think they're coming back."
"I think I might be next."
"What are the chances he'll give up smoking?"
Brent " The Bridesmaid" Wooten, Thomasville
Ah, Brent. You've been the bride at least once.

"If I'm next, tell my wife I was only hot for her."
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

I thought you locked the door!
No name given

Alone at last and you have a headache?
Charles Rowe, Thomasville

Come 'on Baby, light my fire!
Bettie Sharpe Rowe, Thomasville

"There was the flash of light and the next thing I know they're gone."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

1.)Ok,I spy with my little eye....
2.)No offence Bob but I hope he picks from his right for once.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"It takes me a minute for my eyes to adjust to the light."
"Look, if things don't work out, I want to be cremated."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

53. We're weapons of mass destruction.
54. Are we weapons of mass destruction?
55. Redheads are hot!
56. Oh no, they're singing campfire songs!
57. They couldn't pay the light bill again!
58. When the weather outside is frightful ...!
Nancy Nelson

"If that cover doesn't close after they come for me, I'll see you in the ashtray."
"That sulfur me, Red."
"Hey, I can talk! What is that white thing hanging out of his..."
"If I see one more campaign commercial, I'm gonna light myself on fire!"
"No, stupid. We weren't made in heaven. That's where we'll be after they get the grill out."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

"Looks like we're about to go on strike."
"I wish he'd use match.com for his flames."
"There's too much friction in our lives."
Gray Amick, Greensboro