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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 08-05

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

Someone commented on the last blog that they thought the “Mature” section of this contest was inappropriate. I try to keep it prime-time-TV-clean, and even cleaner than that for the paper version. But, I’ll let you guys decide: The mature section – stay or go?

Our senior shout-out goes to Kerman Copley, age 83.

Jay Ebersol submitted a visual gag (see the blog.)

This starting to get repetitive, but once again, you have to check out Ken Sheldon’s pun-laden poem below.

And once again, not enough Jr. entries to field a winner.

I must say, looking back through these captions to put online, there were a lot of good entries that didn't get picked.

LAST WEEK’S CARTOON

WINNER

Honey, about the kids... I forgot to set the timer.

Terrence Wessling, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP

I get it.  You're mad, but you don't have to bite my head off.

 Jim Cavanaugh, Portland, OR

"What do you mean, you have one in the oven?"

DD

"It's either cramps or I need another 3-5 minutes at 350 degrees..."

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Did you hear about Ginger!  They say she just snapped!

Tim Tribbett

"Oh No, My Icing just broke"

 Jerry Kidd, Greensboro

“This is a side of you I haven’t seen before.”

Tom Norman, Greensboro

I'm getting up there in age. I may be needing a candy cane soon.

Steve Rock

I'm leaving.  Our marriage is crumbling.

Cee Duncan, Greensboro

Yes, it's true. I've had Crisco injections.

 Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

Does this icing make me look fat?

Jon Barsanti, Jr, Hillsborough

JR. CATEGORY WINNER

Not enough entrants again in this category

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

"Ever get that Not-So-Fresh feeling?"
"Shrek V?!?!?"
"I will NOT say Hoo-Hoo! so STOP POKING ME!!"
""After all these years your telling me that you secretly wanted Mary-Ann?!?!?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

No, I was not stranded with Gilligan!

Mike Perry, Eden

Took me a while to get the Gilligan references …

Relax - It's a Baby Ruth (Caddyshack)

Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough

Why cant you tell me the truth?  a green ogre, a cat in boots i can understand, but a talking diva donkey?

Mike Perry, Eden

I'm scared someone is going to mistake you for Mr. Bill.
Steve Rock

Ty Pennington called, he doesn't think our house qualifies for a makeover.
Tom Conally, Elon

Jr. was turned down for Shrek 5 and went all to pieces.

Cee Duncan, Greensboro

It's a show for children but it has a cookie eating MONSTER!

Tim Tribbett

One time at band camp… 

Eric Grimm, Greensboro

Not the gum drop!
Jack Allen (10 years old)Greensboro

BEST CAPTION WITH LOCAL ANGLE

“We're not in an oven, it’s just Greensboro.”

Tom Norman, Greensboro

MATURE (shame on ou guys)

OK, so you showed me yours, I'm not impressed!
Tom Conally, Elon

Then I told him, “Bite me!” I didn’t think he’d take it literally.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

"Here, hurry... buy some napkins.  I don't want the kids to figure out this isn't icing."

steve turner

I'm so sorry, I let the Muffin Man lick my icing.

Tim Williams, Greensboro

You used to be self rising

Tim Tribbett

"Ouch! I didn't want you to literally bite me when I said it!"

"That's not what I meant when I said you could have some sugar!"

"I think the Pillsbury Dough Boy gave me a yeast infection!"

"Hey, don't  get any ideas just because I was made in an easy bake oven!"

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

All ginger bread men are NOT baked the same….trust me!!

Chris Marland, Greensboro

I was baked, I don’t remember a thing. 

It was awful; he wanted me to touch his snicker-doodle. 

I still can’t believe what we did with those chocolate chips. 

I can’t believe that “elf” put the whole thing on YouTube. 

You should have seen what Little Miss Muffet was doing. 

I should have never been in that Cookies Gone Wild video. 

I’ll never go to a cookie swap again. 

Eric Grimm, Greensboro

 “I think I have your nuts.”

Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Oh Bite Me!"
"Ewe...you know how much I hate raisins!"
"I'm beginning to think those weren't raisins after all..."
"I hope for your sake that was frosting..."
"It's Just Frosting...I SWEAR!"
"Well, The Muffin Man stopped by and one thing lead to another...."
"So I run into The Muffin Man the other day and Yadda, Yadda, Yadda..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE

Oh no, Brewster!!! We've been hit by Dr. Mel's cookie ray!!!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

A whale stole my cell phone!

I'm surprised we don't have a coffee stain!
Tom Conally, Elon

"I just read The Jokes On You Blog and now I feel SICK!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

BEST/WORST PUN

"Don't glaze me, bro!"
eli Oklesh, Gibsonville

Of course it hurts!!! Why do you think I'm treating it so gingerly?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

They arrested him for battering!

You two timer! You can't have your cake and Edith too!

Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

BEST POEMS

While it sprinkled outside on the street,

The young gingerbread man asked, “My sweet,

   I have mint to inquire.

   What’s raisin your ire?

What’s driving you nuts, has you beat?”

“You know, Sugar,” she said with a frown,

There are days where the chips are so down.

   I have seen butter days.”

   She eggs-plained in a daze.

“It’s so bad that I feel like a clown.”

Soda young man went out in the shower,

And he gingerly gave her a flour.

   “You’re the cream of the crop.

   Honey, you’re at the top

Of my list. Let’s get married this hour!”

To the chapel the two of them fled 

And before long they soon became wed.

   They have kids now, they write.

   Now they spend half the night

Tucking teddy grahams into their beds.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

the gingerbread women and men
were found to be living in sin
they were laid front to back
and put to rest in the sack
that's where it all would begin
Tom Conally, Elon

Gingerbread cookies are never misunderstood;

Their aroma, their flavor, appeal as they should.

    They're yummy and tasteful,

    And I couldn't be wasteful

Of such a delightful, fabulous food.

Ken Layton, Carthage

OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)

"Why do you always assume it's a yeast infection?"

Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"I don't think we're being used for decoration!"

 Nathan Gross, San Diego, CA

I told you it was an oven, not a tanning bed 

Nancy Nelson

"Okay, I confess...  I've been seeing the Pillsbury Doughboy."

 Ed Deckert, Summerfield

Why did you come home last night with pink icing on your cheek?! 

Tim Tribbett

"I hope for your sake that was frosting..."

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

You've got a big chocolate chip on your shoulder mister!

Tim Tribbett

THE REST

Don't sugarcoat it! Just tell me the truth!

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Someone ate our house!

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Oh puleeze, I hate those cookie cutter houses!

OK, so you showed me yours, I'm not impressed!

Tom Conally, Elon

Then I told him, "Bite me!" I didn't think he'd take it literally.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

I get it.  You're mad, but you don't have to bite my head off.

Jim Cavanaugh, Portland, OR

I'm freezing. Let's go lay down under the cookie sheet.

I'm getting up there in age. I may be needing a candy cane soon.

I'm scared someone is going to mistake you for Mr. Bill.

Steve Rock

Well I DID catch you and you will be hearing from my lawyer next week!

Jerry Stafford, Greensboro

the gingerbread women and men

were found to be living in sin

they were laid front to back

and put to rest in the sack

that's where it all would begin

Tom Conally, Elon

"Here, hurry... buy some napkins.  I don't want the kids to figure out this isn't icing."

steve turner

1.) Why did you come home last night with pink icing on your cheek?!

2.) This bar is just a dough market!

3.) You're looking a little doughy in the middle yourself!

4.) Go ask for a raise and don't crumble this time!

Tim Tribbett

I told the others to be worried since "ginger' is the new buzz!

The brownies never have anything to worry about.

The oven only got to 350 degrees.

 Dont' be worried the next batch will be the ones to go.

I tried to tell them the icing was an inferior brand.

Peggy Koppel, Greensboro

"Oh No, My Icing just broke"

Jerry Kidd, Greensboro

"I hate wearing this crumby dress!"

Ashley Hannon, Summerfield

Ty Pennington called, he doesn't think our house qualifies for a makeover.

It's all your fault, I have a little one in the oven.

They thought we were Hansel and Gretel!

Who is Sugar Cookie?? Don't you have enough spice in your life?

Tom Conally, Elon

I'm so sorry, I let the Muffin Man lick my icing.

Tim Williams, Greensboro

They bite your head off first.

Glenda Layton, Carthage

How can you be pregnant? Was it that cupcake you were dating?

Ken Layton, Carthage

Ouch ! I'm missing a rib !

Even our conversations are becoming stale !

I've heard a little ginger is good for an upset stomach ! 

Yes ! I got fresh, but so are you !

Sorry ! That's the way the cookie crumbles !

I agree, ours is a crummy relationship !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"The bitter truth is that I am not the sweet girl you think I am."

Jan Laws, Greenboro

Oh no, Brewster!!! We've been hit by Dr. Mel's cookie ray!!!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

What are you running from ?

I'll be glad to walk with you, but I'm not running !

But you ran right pass me yesterday without even stopping, remember ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

What are you running from ?

I'll be glad to walk with you, but I'm not running !

But you ran right pass me yesterday without even stopping, remember ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Don't glaze me, bro!"

eli oklesh, gibsonville

Honey, about the kids... I forgot to set the timer.

Terrence Wessling, Greensboro

"I thought it was the little pig who cried 'Wee, Wee, Wee' all the way home!"

"I asked if anyone needed to go before we left, remember?"

"How am I supposed to run away if you always get a side stitch?"

"But I didn't have to go before we left, Dad!"

Kris Voy, Trinity

"Pray that it's gone! It's horrible! Big teeth and a huge mouth"

John Koppel, Greensboro

"Bite Me"

Pete Dey, Greensboro

Of course it hurts!!! Why do you think I'm treating it so gingerly?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

"Don't just stand there!  Get the frosting!

Allison Zelenak, Browns Summit

1. Got Milk?!

2. He's got milk!

3. That's the way the cookie crumbles!

4. What made you toss your cookies?! 

5. We're Hot & Spicy!

6. I can't hold it any longer!

7. You sure got burnt!

8. Eat me!

8. Honey, it's Time!

9. Ginger you smell good enough to eat!

10. Ginger, I'm Brad.

120. Way too spicy!

11. I told you it was an oven, not a tanning bed !

12. Don't you hate that crunching -snapping sound ?!

13. I see you're dressed in the same old outfit!

14. Poppin Dough didn't mean for you to come unsnapped !

15.  Help; I've been burnt! 16. Snap, crackle and pop!

17. How crummy is this?! 18. You're crumbling already!

19. Spicy!  20. The next thing I know he was snapping off by buttons! (Tim not getting any comments on mine lately but I am still ALIVE and kicking and reading Brewster) Sincerely,

Nancy Nelson

Actually, Nancy, I really like numbers 11 and 13.

"Run, run, run to the "can" 

Craige Reavis, Eden

"I told you I was still hot" 

Mari Reavis, Eden

1. Don't even think about eating me!

2. Stop looking at my sweet spot.

Kayley Nance 

Then I said, " you want a piece of me," and he bit me.

Charlene, Mayodan

"Aughhhh!  I think I'm starting to crumble!"

Marcia James, Jamestown

"Snickerdoodle's text for a date came at an inopportune time." 

"Ginger is a natural remedy for cramps so Cookie was caught totally by surprise."

Andy Ralston-Asumendi, Greensboro

It was a landshark! He bit me!

I could help you if I had hands!

A whale stole my cell phone!

Tom Conally, Elon

For this week: "What do you mean, you have one in the oven?"

DD

"...No really, I DO need to borrow some 'bread', Ginger..."

Rupert Burton, Greensboro

Why did you snap me?

I have a crack in my side.

Linda Stratton, Greensboro

Okey dokey, here's a caption for you...

"Okay, I confess...  I've been seeing the Pillsbury Doughboy."

Ed Deckert, Summerfield

1.) All you guys are just the same!  %$&# cookie cutter!

2.) You used to be self rising!

3.) You've got a big chocolate chip on your shoulder mister!

4.) Did you hear about Ginger!  They say she just snapped!

Tim Tribbett

I'm sick of you guys and your stale pickup lines!

Tim Tribbett

Oh no there's a hole in dress! Don't look at me I didn't do it! 

Chrystal Neal, High Point

It must be superglue!

I'm surprised we don't have a coffee stain!

Tom Conally

"What do you mean you left the oven on?!"

Christopher Parrish, Oak Ridge

1.) We need some dough to fix our roof!

2.) I caught junior with a line of horizontal icing mid thigh!!

3.) Get help! Putting in a swimming pool was a bad idea!

4.) Why do you have chocolate on your cheek!

Tim Tribbett

1" Did I hear someone say,  who wants milk with their cookie?"

2. " Run Ginger run!"

Wayne Hollifield, Eden

call 911, I think it's gingercitis.

10 more minutes and I would have been a gingersnap.

Tom Conally

That isn't our cookie jar. Please ask for direction!

Tim Tribbett

20. And the next thing I knew he was snapping off my buttons...!

21. Run as fast as you can, there are cholesterol lovers everywhere!

22. Remember don't try to hide in the witches house!

Nancy Nelson  

"Oh no! my high fructose corn syrup is showing!" 

Pat Lee-Greensboro

"What do you mean you ate the kids?!"

by Juanita Langlais 

"Don't be scared.when I said 'Fox-ate the Noos ', I meant 'FOX-8, the news' as in Sports, Traffic, and Weather."

Bob Langlais

"I was afraid this would happen -- Sonny wants to join the track team!"

Cindy Brown, Browns Summit

1.  The children only sold for $4 a dozen.

2.  I'm in love with the Pillsbury Doughboy.

3.  Jr. was turned down for Shrek 5 and went all to pieces.

4.  I'm leaving.  Our marriage is crumbling.

Cee Duncan, Greensboro

"Ouch! when did they make a Mike Tyson gingerbread man?!

"Ouch! I didn't want you to literally bite me when I said it!"

"That's not what I meant when I said you could have some sugar!"

"I think the Pillsbury Dough Boy gave me a yeast infection!"

"I think I have a yeast infection!"

"That's not what I meant when I said I'm the dessert!"

"Hey, don't  get any ideas just because I was made in an easy bake oven!"

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Just hold my purse...."

"Oh, snap...that was our Realtor."

"That witch! Where is my cellphone?"

"I am all out of cinnamon dots - will a Tic-Tac work?"

"A dunk in hot coffee would be cooler than this heatwave..."

Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough

My tummy hurts, the Iron Chef used too much ginger.

Don Rankin, Greensboro

Lets go its time.

Don Rankin, Greensboro

Whaddya mean you got one in the oven.  WE just came out of the oven.  

Mick

I was just in the oven and I didnt see any buns in there!

Mick

I've had it with you, you ogre! Why don't you just move to a land far far away!!!

I'm sorry... I've been seeing the muffin man who lives on Drury Lane.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

1.  You go next. No!! You go  next.!!

2.  Why do they always bite the head off  first?

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

Please Gingy.....don't go swimming in the bowl of milk!!!!

Chris Marland, Greensboro

I know this is going to be hard to hear but....I'm in love with the Muffin Man. Yes, the Muffin Man.

You know, the one on Drury Lane.

Chris Marland, Greensboro

So I was really hungry and ate my gum drop button, that doesn't make me a cannibal!

Chris Marland, Greensboro

I've been trying to catch you for six blocks now! You dropped a gum drop back there!

Chris Marland, Greensboro

All ginger bread men are NOT baked the same....trust me!!

Chris Marland, Greensboro

They just brought home a gallon of milk!

Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

You're about to become the Gingerbread Daddy !

No ! I'm not playing another game of Candyland with you now !

Stop calling me your Gingerbread Girl !

Ouch ! I've been bitten !

I'm out of dough, how about you ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

You're about to become the Gingerbread Daddy !

No ! I'm not playing another game of Candyland with you now !

Stop calling me your Gingerbread Girl !

Ouch ! I've been bitten !

I'm out of dough, how about you ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"The doctor says I may have a molasses clot."

"I think we're going to have a ginger snap."

"Get the bags, Carl, my molasses just broke."

"Oh no, you poured on too much club soda."

"I thought they said ginger was good for digestion."

"When I said look in my heart, it was just an expression."

Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"OH NO!! I forgot my cell phone"!!

Paul Gover, Stoneville

1.) Ginger just got iced!

2.) I can't wear white icing after Labor day!

3.) Our son doesn't believe in Keebler elves!

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

It's a show for children but it has a cookie eating MONSTER!

Tim Tribbett

SOMEONE ATE OUR HOUSE!!!

Tim Tribbett

No, this money is going into my cookie jar !

Who let you out of the cookie jar ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

I think you have pretty crummy looking legs too !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I've been having those nightmares again about the door to door girl scout extremists"

Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro

"Little Timmy was right there.  Then he just disappeared!" 

Ken Gentile, Oak Ridge

I told him I wasn't an Oreo, but he just kept licking and licking.  

But Honey you're so hard to tell apart, I thought I was with YOU!

Well, if you must know, his name is Tim and he's sweet on me.

Les Thomas, Sterling, VA

"You Do think my icing makes me look fat!"

"One more word and I'll wash you mouth out with milk"

G.A. Rilling, Madison

Our judges preferred Jon's wording, G.A.

1. I was baked, I don't remember a thing.

2. It was awful; he wanted me to touch his snicker-doodle.

3. I still can't believe what we did with those chocolate chips.

4. I can't believe that "elf" put the whole thing on YouTube.

5. One time at band camp.

6. You should have seen what Little Miss Muffet was doing.

7. I should have never been in that Cookies Gone Wild video.

8. I'll never go to a cookie swap again.

Eric Grimm, Greensboro

 "Why do you always assume it's a yeast infection?"

Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Bite me.

Jim Cavanaugh, Portland, OR

1) "Do you think this dress makes me look flat?"

2) "Is it because I come from the other side of the pan?"

3) "I don't think we're being used for decoration!"

Nathan Gross, San Diego, CA

1) “I think I have your nuts.”

2) “They said they’re going to hang us from a tree!”

3) “This is a side of you I haven’t seen before.”

4) “They iced both sides - I can’t tell if I’m coming or going.”

5) “Arm yoga has ruined my figure!”

6) “Crazy Mrs. Wilson thinks it's Christmas again."

7) “I think our batch has gone sad.”

8) “We're not in an oven, it’s just Greensboro.”

Tom Norman, Greensboro

Enjoying cooler weather in San Diego this week (vacation).

hmmmm ... then I take it you know Nathan Gross, above?

1.) We're lost! I hope they send out a tracking cookie!

2.) They arrested him for battering!

Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Really, it's just too hot to be running today, don't you think ?

Why don't you really run for something, like President ?

Is it true, that you've been running around on me ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

You cannibal!

Peter Allen, Greensboro

Not the gum drop!

Jack Allen (10 years old), Greensboro

I couldn't resist, you looked so tasty!

Beth Allen, Greensboro

Ew - my chocolate coins melted in my pocket

Nuts...I left my phone on vibrate and it cracked my hip...

I always carry extra icing for just these occasions.

I hate when I sit on "Raisinettes" at the movies

I have gumdrop stuck to my shoe

I know I have my invitation to the Biltmore Gingerbread House Competition 

somewhere...

Relax - It's a Baby Ruth (Caddyshack)

Does this icing make me look fat?

Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough

"I refuse to be the first celebrity on dancing with the stars to have a zipper malfunction."

I won't ever believe grandma again she always  said,"The eyes were the first things to when you get older."

No name given

"Now I know I had our noses in my pocket when we left the house....."

Wil Courter, Greensboro

Mary was standing right beside me when suddenly I heard a loud snap and she was gone.

Will you excuse me, I really have to pee.

Frank Beamon, Greensboro

You two timer! You can't have your cake and Edith too!

Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Yes, it's true. I've had Crisco injections. 

Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

I can't believe you're leaving me and for some young lil' cupcake too!

Timothy Rising, Greensboro

You mean she baked our car keys in your pocket?

He only took a small bite, how painful can it be?

Do you need a band aid for the bite he took?

Dick Ellis, Pleasant  Garden

He ran by and grabbed two of my buttons in his grimy little marzipan hands.

Make mine ginger ale . . . heavy on the ginger, light on the ale.

Joan Lux, Greensboro

Don't look now, but my zipper is stuck!

If you're such a smart cookie, how do I get this zipper up?

Are you referring to me or this zipper about being stuck-up?

Please, stop trying to sugarcoat our differences !

Better look out, I'm a foxy lady !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Ever get that Not-So-Fresh feeling?"

"Uh Oh...I Think My Shortening Just Broke!"

"Probably just something I ate..."

"Oh Bite Me!"

"I think our little Crumb Snatcher is finally on his way!"

"Ewe...you know how much I hate raisins!"

"Shrek V?!?!?"

"I thought we said no shots to the bread basket?!?!?"

"Got Milk?"

"I'm beginning to think those weren't raisins after all..."

"That's got to be the most half-baked idea you've ever had!"

"How can you think of food at a time like this?!?!?"

"Guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles..."

"Wait...the witch lived in a house made of WHAT?!?!?!"

"I just read The Jokes On You Blog and now I feel SICK!"

"I was so excited to see Mel Gibson come in and order Ginger Bread Cookies but now I'm thinking that wasn't a good thing..."

"One candy button is an accident...Two candy buttons are ON PURPOSE!"

"One button is an accident...Two are ON PURPOSE!"

"It's either cramps or I need another 3-5 minutes at 350 degrees..."

"I am NOT getting a Muffin Top!"

"I will NOT say Hoo-Hoo! so STOP POKING ME!!"

"I hope for your sake that was frosting..."

"It's Just Frosting...I SWEAR!"

"I'm leaving you for The Muffin Man!"

"Well...do you know the Muffin Man?"

"Well, The Muffin Man stopped by and one thing lead to another...."

"So I run into The Muffin Man the other day and Yadda, Yadda, Yadda..."

"You've heard the term, 'Bun In The Oven' right?"

"After all these years your telling me that you secretly wanted Mary-Ann?!?!?"

"Apparently I'm lactose intolerant..."

"Do I look like I'm getting doughy in the middle?"

"Does this frosting make me look fattening?"

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

1. Why?  I'll tell you why- the  cook believed in too much detail, that's why?"

2.No, you can't have my cookies!

3.I'm sorry dear, I'm seeing the muffin man!

4. It won't work- you dont smell fresh, aromatic or yummy!

5. You're dumping me?  Oh snap!

6. Why cant you tell me the truth?  a green ogre, a cat in boots i can understand, but a talking diva donkey?

7. Yes, I know we're made of ginger. That doesn't mean we HAVE  to put a cookie sheet on our bed!

8.  I know you're mad at me, but you don't have to bite my head off!

9.  You should go to the doctor if youre feeling" crummy."

10. You keep saying you mother is perfect.  Maybe you have a Edible Complex?

11. No, I was not stranded with Gilligan!

Mike Perry, Eden