The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 020510
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 02-11
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
I’ve always said you guys were the best captioners in the world, and you keep proving it. If the stellar entries for this week’s cartoon wasn’t enough, JOU regular Tim Tribbett is a finalist in the New Yorker’s (the big league) cartoon caption contest. (See below for more info on how to vote for him.)
This is after JOU regular Ken Sheldon won Roger Ebert’s limerick contest, and JOU veteran Dennis LaJeunesse scored a runner-up in Parades caption contest in 2008. Go Team!
UPDATE: Well, it looks as though the New Yorker pulled the rug out from under Mr. Tribbett. They withdrew his entry with the reason that "We were not able to use your caption because our editor believed it to be too similar to another caption that ran in the magazine. We were very impressed with your caption, and hope that you continue to submit to the weekly contest."
Similar to a caption from ANOTHER cartoon? Who cares? Was the cartoon itself different? Then it shouldn't matter. Heck, half the fun of writing captions is finding new applications to familiar sayings, like "There goes the neighborhood" or "Come here often?" I've asked Tim to give us his caption to the cartoon. We'll judge for ourselves.
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
WINNER
Save the clippings, I'm making myself a nice handbag.
Darrell Clark
RUNNERS-UP
I don't mind the occasional hissing, but the rattling gets on my nerves.
J Wright, Greensboro
I can't find my part.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
"I'd like something a little less striking."
Candace Call, Greensboro
Just color the grey ones
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
You think my hair is hard to do? That's just a myth!
Tom Conally, Elon
"Please don't tell anyone I color them."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"Just a trim. Just above the fangs, please."
Ken Keever, High Point
“Do you think highlights would make me look strange?”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Yeah, for me, every day is a bad hair day.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This happens every time it gets humid.
Jennifer Fernandez
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
This wig is ugly. Give me another one.
Angel Nguyen, Frazier
JR. CATEGORY RUNNER-UP
Martin J. H., Frazier: I'm having a bad hair day.
Jayna Pate, Frazier: I need to go to the salon more often.
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCES
(Tim, Here's an obscure pop culture reference for you.... )
"It worked when Nick Arrojo did it."
ZhaK
I give up ...
How was your flight? Were you on that plain?
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro
What is it with these blankety-blank snakes on my blankety-blank head?
Jim Cavanaugh, Portland, OR
I have been getting obscene phone calls ever since that drawing of me in the shower was printed in 'The Far Side'.
Henry, Greensboro
If you put on a blue sweater….. you’d look like Simon from the Chipmunks!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
"I said gorgeous, not gorgon!"
2. "Looks great! I'll nail that 'Clash of the Titans' audition for sure!"
Mike Perry, Eden
BEST INSIDE JOKE
My hair was fine until I told Rickard I liked Sheldon’s rap. Then he did this to me!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Naw, it looks great. But why is your front window sign facing the wrong way?"
Mike Perry, Eden
MATURE
If you think that's bad you should see my crotch.
Thanks for waxing there. Man,does that ever scare off guys.
Tim Tribbett
OK, that first one cracked me up.
Save the clippings. My boyfriend said he wanted a little head.
(sorry!) Tim Tribbett
You should be.
BEST/WORST PUN
Don’t asp.
Give me the Hiss Clairol treatment.
“The latest style? It might be, but no matter where I still feel like an asp!”
“It’s the new look, snakes on a brain.”
Greg Deal, Greensboro
"I work at the hydra-electric plant. Why do you ask?"
Joe Benson, Greensboro
See what you can do about these hiss-ends!
G. Hudgins, Greensboro
I saw a movie about my condition once. It was called “Snakes on a Mane.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
When I heard you were a “Hiss and Hers” hair salon, I figured you could help.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Snakes on a Dame.
Hair today, Anaconda tomorrow.
I wanted curlers, not coilers.
Jim Cavanaugh, Portland, OR
BEST POEM
When Medusa went by, men would gasp.
It’s a fact that most folks cannot grasp.
They will say they don’t care
For the snakes in her hair.
All her beaus said she had a nice asp.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Medusa had live snakes for her hair.
She'd freeze opponents with her stare.
When Hercules lopped her head
And left her lying dead,
Ancient Greeks found this very fair.
Ken Layton, Carthage
There was a young lady with flair,
she loved to have snakes in her hair
the trouble with that
the hairdresser spat
you really don't know what to wear
a conundrum the hairdresser had
she mused "was this just a fad?"
she grabbed a fang
did it up with a bang
it looked like it came from Baghdad
snakes in the hair!
snakes in the hair!
turn ya hat sideways,
snakes in the hair!
a spring wind blows
the hair tangled and unkempt
warmth brings forth the snakes
bada bada bada, thats all folks
Tom Conally, Elon
she loved to have snakes in her hair
the trouble with that
the hairdresser spat
you really don't know what to wear
a conundrum the hairdresser had
she mused "was this just a fad?"
she grabbed a fang
did it up with a bang
it looked like it came from Baghdad
snakes in the hair!
snakes in the hair!
turn ya hat sideways,
snakes in the hair!
a spring wind blows
the hair tangled and unkempt
warmth brings forth the snakes
bada bada bada, thats all folks
Tom Conally, Elon
One thing about being male
a medusa you cannot curtail
don't take it for granite
that she cannot plan it
or she'll turn your body to shale
Tom Conally, Elon
SCHOOL ENTRIES
Submitted by Louise Monroe (Louise tells me entries were down due to snow days)
Frazier
Hayley Samulski: I look like Medusa! I look hideous! I'm ugly! I'll never win the beauty pageant!
S. L.: I'm going to have a hard time when I go out on a date.
Angel Nguyen: This wig is ugly. Give me another one.
TeAsia Holliman: What in the world did you do to my hair?
Mekensie Bostic: You made a new hair style? I'll call it "Snake Attack."
Martin J. H.: I'm having a bad hair day.
Deja Headen: They don't bite.
Jayna Patel: I need to go to the salon more often.
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS (our judges also gave the nod to these)
Just use a hoe.
That perm really ticked them off.
They just ate so they should be sleepy.
Thanks for waxing my lip. Everyone was staring.
You guys spit out the nice lady's brush and comb.
You should see my pits.
After they eat my hair looks sooo much thicker.
I need a new look.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"You're right, that conditioner makes my scalp feel alive."
"No it's not dandruff, they're just molting a little."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Why so stone-faced today Doris?
Tom Conally, Elon
Worst hair day ever !!!
Darrell Clark
Use a lot of hair spray
Don Rankin, Greensboro
I wanted less curl.
Jim Cavanaugh, Portland, OR
Let’s go with the mongoose.
Bill Wallace, High Point
THE REST
"Should I apply mousse or feed it a mouse?"
Colin Davis, Greensboro
1.) That perm really ticked them off.
2.) Just a little off the tongues please.
3.) I think I would like to try something in a copperhead.
4.) Just color the grey ones.
5.) Why are you just standing there like a statu..uh,oh.
6.) Just pull out the grey ones.
7.) Watch out for Mandy. She bites!
8.) It goes without saying that there is a BIG tip in it for you.
9.) Can you do something with this snake's nest?
10.) They just ate so they should be sleepy.
11.) When other women complain about their hair I just wanna slap 'em!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
And /then/ I said, "I really don't like the way these highlights turned out."
Karen Burns, Greensboro
In retrospect, I probably should have gone with a name brand.
Don Patterson, Lexington
I saw a movie about my condition once. It was called "Snakes on a Mane."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
If you put on a blue sweater..... you'd look like Simon from the Chipmunks!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
I never could get a good haircut. The stylists who didn't die always had to use a mirror.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Yeah, for me, every day is a bad hair day.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
My hair was fine until I told Rickard I liked Sheldon's rap. Then he did this to me!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Yes, I bought a new shampoo from a snake oil salesman. Why do you ask?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Just a trim. Just above the fangs, please."
Ken Keever, High Point
"I need you to work your magic. Every guy I meet gives me a cold, stoney look."
Ken Keever, High Point
"You need an exorcist, not a hairdresser."
Barbara Golding, Reidsville
My last hairdresser was named Medusa. Why do you ask?
Ken Layton, Carthage
Just a shampoo, and sharpen the fangs, please.
Ken Layton, Carthage
Uh, I think you need to go to Petsmart for this haircut.
Susan Craver, Thomasville
I can't find my part.
My former hairdresser didn't hear "bouffant" -- she thought I said "buffoon."
If you were in my shoes wouldn't YOU be a drop-in?
They're garden snakes. Just a little touch-up with green dye should do it for this week.
They're a pretty tight-knit bunch -- they won't run loose in here.
My former hairdresser had a Medusa complex.
I wanted to go to a herpetologist, but the "h" pages are missing from my phone book.
It's annoying only when I slow down and feel the squirming.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
See what you can do about these hiss-ends!
G. Hudgins, Greensboro
"Some female may just have more fun with men ,But all my men just turns to stone, and just one look is all it took."
CHRISTEEN SCANSDRETT, GREENSBORO
"Just a trim on top and shorter fangs in the bangs, please."
Little, Kevin
"Well here looking at you" so let go get stone to the bone"
CHRISTEEN SCANDRETT, GREENSBORO
"So tell me the true,since only your hairdresser knows, WHY DO THE MEN IN MY LIFE STAND SO STILL!!!
CHRISTEEN SCANDRETT
Could you just trim a little off the top?
This happens every time it gets humid.
They don’t like it when people stare.
Jennifer Fernandez
"HEY!, the men in my life just by looking at me are all just cold stone to the bone"
CHRISTEEN SCANDRETT, GREENSBORO
1.) It looks pretty rough when they shed their skins.
2.) What conditioner do you suggest?
3.)Maybe something in a coral snake?
Tim Tribbett
"They said "Only your hairdresser knows. so just to let you know.
I AM WATCHING YOU"
CHRISTEEN SCANDRETT, GREENSBORO
1.) You try running a brush thru THAT every morning!
2.) Those aren't split ends,they're tongues.
3.) Do you have any mice? That really helps.
Tim Tribbett
Those are tongues not split ends.
Tim Tribbett
When I heard you were a "Hiss and Hers" hair salon, I figured you could help.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
When they toss the garter at MY wedding, it won't be one used to hold up my stockings.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"No, I'm happy with the cut, but the split ends are driving me crazy."
Derek M. Gunn
"Can you PLEASE do something with these split-ends?!
Bob Winebarger, Greensboro
1.) If you think that's bad you should see my crotch.
2.) Do you do waxing too?
3.) Believe it or not but I have a heck of a time getting dates.
4. ) I advise you to move really really slow.
5.) Can you braid them?
6.) Thanks for waxing there. Man,does that ever scare off guys.
7. ) Before you start are you all stocked up with antivenom?
8.) You should see my pits.
Tim Tribbett
"I'd like something a little less striking."
Candace Call, Greensboro
That certainly is a striking do you have.
Yvonne Neller, Greensboro
If you think that's bad wait until you do my bikini waxing.
Tim Tribbett
Just a little trim to get rid of the split tongues.
I almost called for an appointment, but the receptionist always asks "What do you want to have done?"
I'm sorry I tried a new hairdresser -- but I know YOU can fix this mess.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
Snakes on a Dame.
Hair today, Anaconda tomorrow.
I wanted curlers, not coilers.
OK, I get it. I'm a little bit arrears in my payments.
Jim Cavanaugh, Portland, OR
I really thought the Medusa look would be all the rave.
David Core, Greensboro
1.) After they eat my hair looks sooo much thicker.
2.) Do you have any king snake hair extensions?
3.) I'm sure you did a great job. No need for a mirror!
Tim Tribbett
#@%$. Another stylist turned to stone
Most people wake up with "bed head"...I have a snake's nest.
My dermatologist recommends Heads and Shoulders
I knew I should have gone to a herpetologist and got a cosmetologist
They move slower when it is cold outside.
I was thinking of something like Bo Dereck in "10."
Jon Barsanti, Jr, Hillsborough
"I didn't mean it literally when I said I wanted a style that would stop men in their tracks."
"I said I wanted to look fierce but this is ridiculous!"
"For some reason, men won't come near me."
"I haven't been able to look at myself in the mirror!"
"You think it'll grow back if I get a trim?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
They've been upset since I wore my boa last week.
Phillip Fulton High Point
I was sorry to read in yesterday's paper that "the beavers were a bust" and that "everyone struggled a bit" with that cartoon. Having recently moved to Greensboro from Boston, I hadn't seen your contest from last week. If I HAD seen it, my entry would've been: "I'm sorry you have to leave, but it's been nice gnawing you." (Maybe I can get an honorable mention!)
Jim Ertner, Greensboro
My suggested caption for the subject joke is "YOU SHOULD HAVE REMOVED THE ROLLERS"
Myrl Moser, Greesnsboro
"Just don't look at me in the mirror".
J.B. Foster, Greensboro
Why so stone-faced today Doris?
Could you add a little copper coloring today?
You think my hair is hard to do? That's just a myth!
I got first place in the mamba contest last night.
I left my boyfriend last night, he just gets stoned too easily
I looked in my face book last night, A fellow named *Odysseus* wants to date me.
I want that new snake in the grass style.
Do you want a permanent or just let'em writhe
Can you do something less striking?
That just strikes me funny!
I just want a classic hairdo.
Why, yes I do like my new job at the museum. Why do you ask?
I don't like all these new antibiotics, I'm just a classic med user.
Tom Conally, Elon
1.) I need a new look.
2.) Never get hair transplant surgery in Greece.
3.)We girls and our problem hair. Am I right?
4.) Work quickly before the sedation wears off.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Use a lot of hair spray
My head seems to itch a lot lately.
My husband has been after me to go fishing with him.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
I swear, if you don't stop eating that snake's head soup, I am going to quit fixing your hair.
Did you try that home permanent again?
My psychiatrist said I had a Medusa complex.
Do you want it coiled or straight?
Most of the time the hairdresser has the most venom.
Do you want the fangs polished as well?
I tried that new snake oil treatment.
Tom Conally, Elon
What is it with these blankety-blank snakes on my blankety-blank head?
So, as for maintenence, just a few mice every day?
How hard will it be for me to get this look at home?
I wanted less curl.
Jim Cavanaugh, Portland, OR
You should see my new bikini wax!
Blonde? Peroxide might make'em mad.
Tom Conally, Elon
"S'nakes alive! What shall we do?"
Ann Kunkel, Greensboro
"This comb-out won't be easy....but they ARE naturally curly."
D. Hailey, Greensboro
Cheese and wine today? I have your favorite...Gorgonzola!
Tom Conally Elon
It's the new fang shui do
Tom Conally, Elon
WOW! When did you last see your herpetologist?
They won't bite, unless you provoke 'em
Just a touch up please, and use that new scale shine too.
Is that a new type of herpes?
Tom Conally, Elon
1. I have been getting obscene phone calls ever since that drawing of me in the shower was printed in 'The Far Side'.
2. I would like to try a braided style.
Henry, Greensboro
Don't ask me what to do! You're supposed to be the expert.
2.) Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
3.) After 10,000 years I'm ready for a change.
4.) Do you do waxing too?
5.) Oh c'mon,I can't be the first woman you've seen with problem hair.
6.) They're starting to shed their skins.
Tim Tribbett
"It's just all over the place lately."
Sherry Fuller, High Point
Thanks for letting me try on some of Lady Gaga's wigs.
Tim Tribbett
Try not to get shampoo in their eyes.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1.) I have naturally curly hair.
2.) I don't think hairspray is gonna work in my case.
Tim Tribbett
Just color the gray ones.
2.) My monthly bill for feeder mice is outrageous.
3.) You guys spit out the nice lady's brush and comb
4.) If you do my hair I can take care of your mouse problem.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Save the clippings. My boyfriend said he wanted a little head.(sorry!)
Tim Tribbett
I know I said I wanted a wilder look, but this is a bit too much.
Well I thought they asked if I wanted a make over, not a snake over.
That’s the last time I use a grecian formula home permanent mix.
You should have seen it before I got it trimmed.
I don't mind the occasional hissing, but the rattling gets on my nerves.
They want me as a exhibit guide at the Natural Science Center.
J Wright, Greensboro
They keep wanting me to eat an apple.
Phillip Fulton, High Point
"Bet no one's asked you to roll their rattlers before!"
"I plan on giving you a big tip and the antidote."
"My last two hairstylists are now granite and marble statues down at City Hall."
"You'll be all right. Just don't look in the mirror."
"You mind if I refer my two sisters, too?"
"I wouldn't recommend trimming too much!"
"Well, why are you just standing there like a stone statue? Get to work!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
"Something has been biting me all day but I just can't fiqure out what it is."
"Can you take some of the curls out?"
"Just add some color."
"Be careful. The bikini waxer was bitten last week."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville
I enjoy this feature very much each Friday.
"I don't care if you did get the part of Medusa in the school play, I'm still not doing your hair."
"Hi Doris. How is the new job going at the Nuclear Plant?"
Thanks Tim.
Gerald A. Smith, Greensboro
Thank YOU, Gerald.
"Could you possibly cut it a wee bit shorter?"
Hally Rankin, Greensboro
If you cut them off they'll just grow back thicker.
2.) I made a deal with the devil for thick curly hair.
3.) I'm not here for that. I need my upper lip waxed.
Tim Tribbett
What? Another bad hair day?
Paul Bravender, High Point
1.my favorite, but no one will get it-
"I said gorgeous, not gorgon!"
2. "Looks great! I'll nail that 'Clash of the Titans' audition for sure!"
3. "You sure you didnt use snake oil?"
4. "Now that's what I call a 'weave'!"
5. "Naw, it looks great. But why is your front window sign facing the wrong way?"
6. "The bottle said 'Shake well.', not 'Snake well'!"
7. "No wonder there are no mirrors in this place!"
8. "Yes, as far as Medusan weaves go, its great. But all I wanted was a facial!"
9. "No, No, No. I said I wanted a 'slender threadlike outgrowth of the epidermis" cut, not a "limbless scaled reptile with a long tapering body and with salivary glands often modified to produce venom which is injected through grooved or tubular fangs' cut!"
10. "No way that's "This Week's Special!"
Mike Perry, Eden
1.) I'm going on a blind date with some guy named Indiana Jones.
2.) Just peel off the dead skins for me.
Tim Tribbett
1.) I got teased alot when I was a kid.
2.) Can I interest you in buying some very realistic statues?
3.) When I was a girl my mom used to tie them in pigtails.
Tim Tribbett
"You're right, that conditioner makes my scalp feel alive."
"No it's not dandruff, they're just molting a little."
"Please don't tell anyone I color them."
"Yeah, it's weird. They're supposed to be hibernating."
"No, that's their natural color."
"You ought to see the extensions."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Did you try Nair?
Tom Conally
I told my last stylist I wanted to be a redhead. Instead, she made me a copperhead.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Oh, just fix it light and airy, Percy is having a party tonight
And the last thing he said was"I won't look, trust me"
Tom Conally, Elon
How was your flight? Were you on that plain?
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro
"Do their tongues look like they have split ends?"
"For heaven's sake don't tease them."
"I don't believe the dreadlocks were a good idea."
"That gel left them as slippery as eels."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
-zeus is gonna love this look.
-my date took me to snakes on a plane; the next thing i knew i had snakes on the brain.
K Wright, Greensboro
"Of course their tongues have split ends."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"It worked when Nick Arrojo did it."
ZhaK
You see all that snow? I told you global warming is allegorical
Tom Conally, Elon
"I work at the hydra-electric plant. Why do you ask?"
Joe Benson, Greensboro
Thanks for waxing my lip. Everyone was staring.
2.) Just use a hoe.
3.) Church got a little awkward during the garden of Eden sermon.
4.) I consider myself lucky. My sister has earthworms.
5.)Thank goodness for snake oil salesmen.
6.) Do you speak parsel tongue?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
9. “Sorry about all the hissing, I’ve had a bad hair day.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
1. “Everyone I meet seems so stoned.”
2. “My friend said you really know how to tease hair.”
3. “My hair’s been a mess since that awful plane ride.”
4. “Wasn’t this place an exotic pet store last week?”
5. “I said MAKEOVER not SNAKEOVER!”
6. “Do you think highlights would make me look strange?”
7. “I think highlights would really bring out the venomous snakes.”
8. “I’m having a bad snake day.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
I bet my husband still won't notice I've changed hairstyles.
Tim Tribbett
Can you bleach them blond?
Good luck wrapping them around curlers.
Tim Tribbett
"I need something fresh - this look is sooo B.C."
"I need something fresh - this look is sooo 410 B.C."
"There's just something about me that leaves men cold"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
1) What ever you do, don't tease it.
2) Your sign says walk ins are welcome.
3) Do a good job and I'll give you the antidote for a tip.
4) Scissors are a bad idea, how are you with a flute ?
5) You don't tease it, you have to charm it.
6) It seems to have a mind of it's own.
7) Worst hair day ever !!!
8) Can you make me look like Jessica Alba ?
9) I'd like to get a deep scalp treatment.
10) I would try Head and Shoulders but they don't have shoulders.
11) I was trying to color it myself and something went wrong, horribly wrong !!!
12) C'mon, you act like this is the first head of snakes you've ever worked on.
13) Maybe I should go see a snake handler.
14) You're the tenth stylist I gone to this year.
15) Save the clippings, I'm making myself a nice handbag.
Darrell Clark
"That's not what I meant when I said I wanted to be a copper head."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
I see you have been bragging about your beautiful hair again.
Jamie Elter
They are my pets, I know the name of each one.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
That hot roller really ticked them off!
Tim Tribbett
So...ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny, are you saying I should have seen it coming?
A little Chopin will relax them.
I just woke up this way!
Oh, don't worry! I'm just the surrogate.
Thats not a wig, thats a wiggle.
Side note: I have had a ball this week. I found this blog compliments of Ken Sheldon, whom I go to church with. Thank you for the opportunity for providing such a good cartoon for captioning.
Tom Conally, Elon
As I always say, any friend of Ken Sheldon’s is probably one too many.
Thanks, and glad to have your contributions, Tom. Welcome aboard!
"The latest style? It might be, but no matter where I still feel like an asp!"
"It's the new look, snakes on a brain."
"I am woman, hear me hisssss!"
Greg Deal, Greensboro
"Are you sure you want a permanent?"
"It appears you're the victim of a New Orleans voodoo curse Mrs. Manning."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
"You should fit right in at the French Quarter Super Bowl party."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
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