The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 111309
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Thursday, 11-19
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
Woo-hoo! Another country represents! This time, hailing from Northern Ireland, Sarah Kernaghan. Jokes on You is going on a world tour!
Bobs M and B serve up some twisted takes on this week’s cartoon (see the blog under the label “PLEASE GET HELP.”)
Louise tells me some of you kids were grumbling about last week’s cartoon. Well, for this week, how ‘bout a monkey?
Oh, and great captions this week, everyone!
WINNER
Mom and Dad swear it's a toy.
Darrell Clark
RUNNERS-UP
"Mental note to self: bring Gameboy on future visits to grandma."
Kevin Little
Where's the on switch?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"Let's play wife and husband. You push and I tell you which way you should've gone."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville
Where's the cruse control?
Sarah Kernaghan, 14, Northern Ireland
Does it have GPS?
Keith Peddie, Greensboro
"Check your iPhone! There has to be an app for this."
George A. Boschini, Greensboro
Maybe it just needs a new battery!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Five more payments and its mine.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
I found it in the garage. I'm not exactly sure what it does.
Pam Hart, Siler City
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
Sweet rims!
Sawyer Roach, Rankin 5th grade
JR. CATEGORY RUNNER-UP
Why the heck did you bring me this for my birthday? It's not the 1980's.
Jessica W., Rankin, 4th grade
JOU WORLD TOUR
Where's the cruse control?
Sarah Kernaghan, 14, Northern Ireland
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
No, we’re not turning the basement into a swimming pool! Now come help me with this sump pump.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"I suppose next you're going to ask for a Red Ryder BB gun..."
"Well, it's no motorized La-Z-Boy but I guess it'll have to do..."
"It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the what again??"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Who else?
It was once owned by Jon Voight!
Darrell Clark
I’m not sure. A movie reference? (September Dawn?)
BEST NASCAR-THEMED CAPTION
Loose coming out of turn 2 but tight in 3. Let's add a pound of air in the right-front.
Phil McBrayer, Greensboro
OFF THE BEATEN PATH
If you're going to start a meals on wheels business I'd keep the cereal in the box.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Yelling "bring out ya dead" for my poor little hamster was insensitive.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
“Biggest kickball game of the year and we’re stuck with this for tailgating.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro
BEST INSIDE JOKE
You know, Timmy, maybe you can sell some of your cartoons and buy a bike.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I can dream, can’t I?
"It would've been funnier if you just showed up in a werewolf costume with your mom..."
"You know...the washer & dryer thing wasn't so bad...the fire hydrant talking to a trash can was ok and I can even work with the whole 'Draw What The Thinker Is Thinking" bit but THIS?!?!? What's going to be funny about a little red wagon???"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
BEST POEM
“Come and play with me, Jimmy,” said Carrie.
“Let’s pretend that we’re both getting married.
You’re the groom. I’m the bride.
You can give me a ride.”
In his wagon of red she was ferried.
Jimmy said to her, “Come up and see
The cool house that I have in a tree.”
But while climbing the oak,
Jimmy’s ladder, it broke
And poor Carrie fell, skinning her knee.
On the ground, Carrie still kept her poise.
She’s not crying in front of the boys.
She’s still playing, of course.
Now she’s playing ‘Divorce,’
And she went home with half of his toys.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
A pretty young lady, had a new red wagon.
She was talking to her friend and doing some bragging.
He asked her if he could take it for a spin?
She said no, but you can pull it and I will jump in.
He said nope I had rather be dead,
Twenty years later they were wed.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
PLEASE GET HELP
"You kill the babysitter and I'll dump the body."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
"How long did it take to cut it up into that many pieces?"
"You do realize that when I said it would cost an arm and a leg I meant it was expensive didn't you?"
"Oh...how thoughtful...what girl DOESN'T like road kill?"
"You know...you were right...you CAN get that many kittens in a little red wagon...but a have to cry fowl on using a Slap Chop to do it..."
"He WAS a good dog Billy...but three weeks is long enough..."
"It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the what again??"
"I don't care if it WAS floating face down in the pond, you probably should've just left it there..."
"Ewe...I think it just moved..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
I heard your dad just fell off one of these.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"I love that new wagon smell."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro
No remote control, no place for batteries … what do you do with it?
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, Fla.
I don’t know where that dent came from…
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"I guess they'd climb in and hook it up to a dinosaur or something."
Kevin Little
There’s not even a place to put your iPod.
Bill Wallace, High Point
I read about this on Wikipedia. They called it a wagon.
Darrell Clark
"Well, you could use it to carry all your video games."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
SCHOOL ENTRIES
From Louise Monroe -
Rankin School junior entries
fourth grade:
Jordyn Drumwright: Maybe we should call Extreme Makeover for my wagon.
Thao Vi Thi Huynh: Is this your big fat wagon which you call "Buddy?"
Jessica W.: Why the heck did you bring me this for my birthday? It's not the 1980's.
Kyara Bellamy: A wagon? I was thinking more a Toyota.
fifth grade:
Sawyer Roach: Sweet rims!
Chelsea D. Sosa: I was going to marry you and take off, but now I'm going to leave you and take the wagon!
Zaira G.: See, this is why I don't want to be your girlfriend.
L. Goodman: THIS is the 'big red car?!'
Taniya S.: Both of us can't fit in this wagon, you know.
Brittany C.: Oh, are you going to the park? I need some me time.
Frazier
fourth graders
A. J.: I think our next door neighbors, the Munsters, left their dune buggy here.
J.D.: We'll need a bigger wagon if we want to mock the children from the series book, "The Boxcar Children."
Jaylan Gainey: I'll sell it to you.
Zachary : It looked much bigger on TV.
April A.: You think Mom will notice this is not her convertible?
fifth graders
Ny'Asia Dixon: I bought this wagon and they said it rolls very well, but look, it just sits there!
Mekensie Bostic: If you are thinking about trading this with me, I'm giving you the same thing back.
Martin J. H.: We need to give this thing an extreme makeover!
Hayley Samulski: You've spent your money on a stupid wagon and in return I have to kiss you???
THE REST
1.) Where's the on switch?
2.) Evidently one of us gets in and the other pulls .Whee.
3.) I prefer the little red wagon app.
4.) How do you boot this thing up?
5.) They think this will keep us from getting fat?
6.) Booorrring!
7.) Ok,what do you think it is mr smartypants?]
8.) Use it? I'm winded from just walking over here.
9.) You did ask for green toys.
10.) It's some sorta kid powered hybrid.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"Do you think I can trade this "clunker" in ?
Brad Howes, Greensboro
Loose coming out of turn 2 but tight in 3. Let's add a pound of air in the right-front.
Phil McBrayer, Greensboro
Look at that metalic red finish and one handle steering. With the governments bucks for bikes program I can get you into this baby really cheap!
Andy Ralston-Asumendi, Greensboro
Where are the seat belts?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I'm sorry, Billy. I'm just not that kind of girl.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I don't think it transforms into anything.
Ken Layton, Carthage
I bet it'd do 100 mph down Twisty Breakneck Hill.
Ken Layton, Carthage
For the cartoon showing two children and a wagon:
"I don't know. I think they expect us to play with it outside."
Hal Koger, McLeansville
"Lets play fireman. You push and I'll drive"
Harold Hamilton, Greensboro
I found it in the garage. I'm not exactly sure what it does.
Pam Hart, Siler City
Does it come with whitewalls?
Terry Woodings, Burlington
So your Dad wouldn't let you borrow the car ? Huh!!!!!
Charles Long, Stokesdale
"Mom said she'd fix my little red wagon, but it looks the same to me."
"Dad says it's his 2012 Obamacar"
"Looks like quality at GMC has really dropped"
G. A. Rilling, Madison
"Where's the remote control"
Mickey McFeeley, Greensboro
"You did eat all my Halloween candy, didn't you!"
G. A. Rilling, Madison
"I really need to move this. How about a year of free maintenance?"
"It's a fully loaded deluxe model with low mileage."
"I can see you're still having second thoughts."
"You can't go wrong with this one."
"I'm willing to negotiate."
"What's your best offer?"
"I have three other offers."
"It'll be gone tomorrow."
"You'll be the envy of the neighborhood."
John Koppel, Greensboro
I don't care if you hear it or not! When I turn left it makes a funny clicking sound.
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach VA
I don't know where that dent came from...
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"I told you cash for clunkers ended."
David Meyers, Greensboro
From: David Meyers [dmeyers@triad.rr.com]
"You expect me to go parking in what?"
David Meyers, Greensboro
"Sorry Cinderella, this is all we could do on such short notice. You know this recession is affecting everyone..."
Enjoli Lawhorn, Greensboro
I told you I was gonna fix your little red wagon!
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
1."All I said was, I want to use the car and I need gas money."
2."We're going on a date in that?"
3."Nobody is going to pimp that ride."
4."I asked my dad for a set of wheels on my birthday, I guess I should have been more specific."
5."Rims?? Are you kidding me?"
Paula R. Hairston, Greensboro
My entry for this week:
This is what you got through "Cash for Clunkers"?
Cynthia Shores, Ramseur
Santa must have seen you being really bad last year.
2.)Where do you put the batteries? 3.) Are you sure you can jump Dead Man's gorge in that?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"C'mon, you'll feel better after we call the Dave Ramsey Show and tell him that NOW we are debt-free!" Virginia Hamill Peduto, Summerfield
.....Where are the directions?
Maxine Leister, Greensboro
"I guess they'd climb in and hook it up to a dinosaur or something."
"This is sooooo pre-Wii."
"Mental note to self: bring Gameboy on future visits to grandma."
Kevin Little
"Check your iPhone! There has to be an app for this."
George A. Boschini, Greensboro
I think the shocks need attention
Someone has stolen the engine!
Do you think it was the gettaway car?
Come for a ride you said! This is not what I imagined.
I have transport you said!
You said you had a car! Smooth talker!
Does it have GPS?
Can I fit GPS?
What have you been carrying in this?
Some flyer this is!
Keith Peddie, Greensboro
"What do I have to do to get you in that wagon today?"
"Go ahead, Charlie Brown, and have a seat."
"OK, what if I threw in free undercoating?"
"Are they highway miles or local?"
"Mind if I run a Carfax?"
"Does this come in any other color?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Use your imagination -- since the invention of the wheel boys have said "I can haul ROCKS in that!"
I can ride my dolls around in it -- all you want to do is haul rocks.
My dolls would enjoy riding in it more than your old rocks would.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
1) If you are going green, you are going alone.
2) Going green once, going green twice, going, going, you're gone.
Cynthia Shores, Ramseur
"And you want me to...?"
"Where's the remote control?"
"Apparently, the ancients used this mechanism to transfer material goods."
"I think you're supposed to pull it."
"Well, you could use it to carry all your video games."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Due to the economy and we have no jobs, when the baby arrives, we can use it as a bassinet, a stroller and and a baby tub.
Debra Henderson, Greensboro
"Daddy said when he was a little boy, *this* was *all* he ever wanted!"
"It's works better going down hill."
"No it does not need 17 inch alloy rims!"
"No Chip, I'm not overhauling it!"
"Where's the GPS?"
"It does have great visability!"
"2 speeds?"
"GM is really cutting back!"
"That's all that's left of Pontiac?"
"No radio and it doesn't fly!"
"Obama's answer to higher gas prices?"
"It is unique.......but not really a whip!"
M&C Riley
Wow,this new green technology is amazing.
2.) It's a kid powered hybrid.
3.) I don't think our parents realize just how incredibly lazy we are.
4.) Does it come with OnStar?
5.) I don't know. What do you think it is?
6.) I didn't even know Honda made wagons.
7.) I hate Grandpa Gore's eco-friendly gifts.
8.) When I pulled it these weird beads of liquid formed on my forehead.
9.) I prefer the Wii version.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"You can also get this baby fully loaded."
"The crash tests were inconclusive but hey, how bout that pinstriping?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
1. "It's a 'You Pull, I Ride' model!"
2. "What is it?"
3. "It's called a 'Wagon'!"
4. "How does it start?"
5. "I don't understand? Mom is upset that Dad fell off the wagon!"
6. "It claims zero emissions, low maintenance, and great downhill speed!"
7. "Options include a GPS and a CD Player!"
8. "Grandma said in her day everyone had one and there were no Game Boys or IPods!"
9. "The brakes are called FEET!"
10. "You play with it, what ever that means!"
11. "There is no instruction manual!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Five more payments and its mine.
Its not a Ford, its a MG
Don Rankin, Greensboro
"No pedals. I guess they'd climb in and hook it to a dinosaur"
"This is soooo pre-Wii."
"Mental note to self: bring Gameboy when visiting grandma."
Kevin Little
1.) You could try it on the roof again. That was pretty amusing.
2.) I prefer the Wii little red wagon game.
3.) Ya just gotta love the classics.
4.) We could use it to play ghost rider if you let me put kerosene on your head.
5.) THAT'S your dad's new Chevy hybrid?!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Remember, ladies first !
Are we suppose to wear helmets ?
Maybe it just needs a new battery !
Remember, no more texting or cell phones while operating !
You said hay ride ! So where's the hay ?
I hope your feet don't blister easily !
OK if I ride facing backwards so you want block my view ?
From now on we use the wagon to fetch a pail of water !
You pull and I'll cheer !
Hope your shoes have good traction !
But I've got dress shoes and you have sneakers !
Make yourself useful and kick the tires !
Gee is right and haw is left, got it ?
Just remember, behind every good man there is a woman !
My other boy friend always goes the extra mile for me ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
This was dad's favorite toy as a kid but he didn't know any better.
2.) Collecting roadkill is just plain weird Tommy.
3.) You're not taking me to the dance in that.
4.) I only date boys with wagons that have mag wheels and spoilers.
5.) You never let me pull.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Grandpa says he used to play with one of these back in the "good ole days".
No remote control, no place for batteries ... what do you do with it?
I sold the car. We're going green.
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, Florida
"It's a girl chariot, not a cootie carrier!"
"No, you may NOT tote your frogs, beetles, and snakes in my chariot!"
"Do I look like a taxi driver to you?"
"Go hitch a ride the old-fashioned way!"
"It ain't empty! My imaginary friend and her whole extended family's in thar!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
Honest...I don't know how that dent got there!
Chris Marland, Greensboro
"What do I have to do to put you in that wagon today?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Where do you turn it on?
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro
1.)Oh,sooo that's where she had her kittens.
2.) Let's play parade.You pull me and I'll wave.
3.) Your parents don't have a clue when it comes to birthday presents.
4.) How very retro. 5.) We could sell it on ebay and buy a wii.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"What do I have to do to push you in this wagon today."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
When did they start coming with air bags?
Tim Tribbett
They say it's a flyer, but I can not seem to locate the wings.
Steve Tripper
You can be my prince and ride my little red corvette convertible.
I heard your dad just fell off one of these. 2.) Is this the wagon your mom fell off of?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Does it come with a NAV system?
Howard Carter Jones
"Well, this is what you get when you aren't specific. What I wanted was a red convertible."
"You want to play, Future Rip-off Mechanic?"
"Let's play wife and husband. You push and I tell you which way you should've gone."
"Mommy said it would come down to this with today's gas prices."
"This is the turbo model. How fast can you push?"
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville
"I don't know where it plugs in but Grandma says this is what they played with after school."
Scottie Carratello, Jamestown
A pretty young lady, had a new red wagon.
She was talking to her friend and doing some bragging.
He asked her if he could take it for a spin?
She said no, but you can pull it and I will jump in.
He said nope I had rather be dead,
Twenty years later they were wed.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
-Jack you traded the magic beans for this i at least expected a bean stalk.
-I said a volks wagon not just a wagon.
-Yes i do like the wagon but where's the car?
-your spending far too much time on ebay
-Where's the cruse control?
-i think your your going over board on reducing greenhouse gases.
-are you sure its legal?
sarah kernaghan 14 northern ireland
This beauty here is barely used and comes with a 100 mile warranty.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
This little beauty has barely been played with and comes with a 100 mile powertrain warranty.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
1. “How do you boot it up?”
2. “Mommy said Daddy keeps falling off.”
3. “I’ll take it, but I’m not paying for the undercoating.”
4. “We’re suppose to use our imagination. I must have already used mine.”
5. “What’s ‘road kill’?”
6. “You really need to ‘Pimp Your Ride’.”
7. “This is just wrong - I should have gotten my pony before you got your wagon.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"I just don't see what Dick, Jane, and Spot saw in this old thing."
Glenn Beckum, Summerfield
If you're going to start a meals on wheels business I'd keep the cereal in the box.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Sure great gas mileage but we are going to look mighty silly at the next soccer meet.
last day of cash for clunkers and you signed and said give you one with the best gas mileage on the lot huh?
Hope Jones
1. Dad told Mom he was going on the wagon, he'll never fit.
2. Mom asked Dad for help bringing in the groceries,he gave her this.
3. It seems like just a few months ago we both fit in the wagon
4. Seems like driving a car is a long way off.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
Mom thinks I need more exercise!
2. That's what I get for asking for a four wheeler!
3. Grandpa said he'd give me a shiny new dime for every wagon full of leaves I hauled to the street! (Now that's cheap labor)
4. Daddy said it's an antique and it's worth more that fancy electric scooter you have!
Nancy Nelson
1. "Wanna go to the drive-in?"
2. "It will have to do until we can get a car."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
"Just because I'm a lady and ladies go first doesn't mean that I pull you first"
Nelson Harrill, Greensboro
1.) We need to put in a child safety seat for my dolly.
2.) Yelling "bring out ya dead" for my poor little hamster was insensitive.
3.) Dear,I think we need to upgrade to a minivan.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
I asked you to buy a station wagon.
Tim Tribbett
"Mom said Dad fell off of this, but he seemed okay to me".
"Yes, I traded your new bike for this. But I did save 15% by switching to Geico."
"I took it in for a 10 minute oil change and ended up buying new tires, a new handle and some wax."
"I love that new wagon smell."
"I made sure to get the WagonFax report before I bought it."
"What will it take to put you in this little beauty today?"
Stephen Botts, Greensboro
You know, Timmy, maybe you can sell some of your cartoons and buy a bike.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Where does the cartridge go?
Jones, Hope
Biggest kickball game of the year and we?re stuck with this for tailgating.
Before computer games they say kids used to play with them.
Gray Amick, Burlington
"You kill the babysitter and I'll dump the body."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
"Is it Supposed to be that color?"
"I think the subwoofers might be a bit much..."
"Do you really think Old Lady Trimble won't notice??? He's only an inch thick now!!! You could probably just slide him under the door!!!"
"Well...since he's THAT flat you could probably just slide him under the front door or use the mail slot I guess..."
"This?!?!? You're taking me for ice cream in this?!?!?"
"Seriously???"
"Not even if you ARE going to Biggie Size my combo!"
"If you tell me we're going to the drive-in I'm leaving..."
"Get a job..."
"You No-Job-Havin', Dutch-Boy-Paint-Lookin', Vanilla-Ice-Wanna-Be...I am NOT ridin' to school in that!!!"
"Look Kevin...I'm ok with you being Britney's Ex and all but you really need to find a better form of transportation..."
"Yeah...right...The Fast & The Furious? More like The Slow & The Short Bus!"
"I've got two words for you...Racing...Stripes!"
"Maybe a set of spinner rims and a spoiler?"
"How long did it take to cut it up into that many pieces?"
"You do realize that when I said it would cost an arm and a leg I meant it was expensive didn't you?"
"Oh...how thoughtful...what girl DOESN'T like road kill?"
"You know...you were right...you CAN get that many kittens in a little red wagon...but a have to cry fowl on using a Slap Chop to do it..."
"He WAS a good dog Billy...but three weeks is long enough..."
"It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the what again??"
"I suppose next you're going to ask for a Red Ryder BB gun..."
"Red Ryder...Radio Flyer...same difference..."
"Well, it's no motorized La-Z-Boy but I guess it'll have to do..."
"Let me guess...eBay right?"
"It would've been funnier if you just showed up in a werewolf costume with your mom..."
"I don't care if it WAS floating face down in the pond, you probably should've just left it there..."
"Ewe...I think it just moved..."
"That's probably gonna leave a mark..."
"Little Tykes? I thought they filed for Chapter 11 years ago?"
"You know...the washer & dryer thing wasn't so bad...the fire hydrant talking to a trash can was ok and I can even work with the whole 'Draw What The Thinker Is Thinking" bit but THIS?!?!? What's going to be funny about a little red wagon???"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
1) I hate to sell it but, Barbie needs a new car.
2) I only drove it to and from Vacation Bible School.
3) Cash for Clunkers???....I think you got it backwards.
4) What do I have to do to put you in this baby today?
5) Really, it's a chick magnet!
6) What kind of mileage are you getting?
7) It was once owned by Jon Voight!
8) You have to understand, my parents are idiots.
9) Let's run the numbers and see what we can come up with.
10) I think I'll walk.
11) Going green, I see.
12) I'm going to look around a little more. Can I get your card?
13) Can I borrow it this weekend? I'm moving out of the treehouse.
14) I'm not falling for the "I'm out of gas" gag....again!
15) You want to take me to Lookout Point in this thing!
16) NOT IT!!...ha, ha....you're pulling!
17) You can't go for a joyride in this!
18) Looks like two shades of red paint. Has it been wrecked?
19) And this is fun....how?
20) You want me to trade my iPod for this?
21) I have no idea how that dent got there.
22) I read about this on Wikipedia. They called it a wagon.
23) Mom and Dad swears it's a toy.
24) I'm sending it to the "Island for Outdated Toys"!
25) Your parents do know it's 2009, don't they?
Darrell Clark
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