The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 080709
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
Bravo. I worried that last week’s cartoon would prove to be too limiting. As usual, you proved me wrong. Some great captions this week. Really. I mean, yeah, there were some common themes --- “is this your idea of a cruise” being the most used --- but a lot of varied ideas too. And CC, your runner-up entry is only on the blog because it’s rather lengthy.
Some pretty amusing stuff under the mature heading below thanks mostly to Joel, Ann and them thar Tribbett boys.
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
WINNER
Well, that sure was a waste of money.
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro
RUNNERS-UP
"I do not talk too much. I don't know why you say that. You're always saying that. But I don't think so. Besides you never listen to me. How can you know that I talk too much if you never listen to me. Are you listening to me? Isn't this a great ride? I'm glad we got away. Want to do this again? Are you listening to me?...."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
"And absolutely no light at the end of it!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
We're riding this until you get it right.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
What ever happened to "full steam ahead," Captain?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"Wake up, Harold."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
“Don’t you dare ask for a refund.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
“OK, next time you can be captain!”
Dennis R. LaJeunesse, Greensboro
"Talk about a misnomer!"
Paul J. Klosterman,, High Point
"At least we got the Senior Citizens discount!"
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro
Next time, I’m coming alone.
Ryland K. Young, Greensboro
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
You only got on this thing because you were tired of walking?
Madi King, 11, Carthage
MY CAPTIONS (These are some captions I wrote before the cartoon was published)
You guys did much better than me.
I want my money back.
That was a waste of 4 dollars.
Why were the animatronics laughing at us?
I think the House of horror would have been more appropriate.
Talk about your false advertising ...
Let’s try the tunnel of “just going through the motions.”
“… you’re just not romantic and sit up straight you sit there like a big ol’ log couldn’t you trim your ear hair and another thing …”
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
"In a show of support for their younger brother, Prince Michael and Paris Jackson are demanding that they be referred to by their new names: Pillow Sham and Dust Ruffle."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
So, Walter, tell me about these dummy friends of yours. You know - Peanut, Bubba J, José Jalapeño and Achmed the Dead Terrorist.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Think ventriloquist Jeff Dunham ...
"Even Norman and Ethel Thayer knew how to suck face!" (think On Golden Pond)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
You're NOT the king of the world and you were going to capsize the boat.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Well,at least that was better than that awful VH1 Flavor of Love ride.
Tribbett,Greensboro
You're no captain Stubing.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
BEST/WORST PUN
Don’t see any that really qualify. Do you?
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Dittio
MATURE
"I should have told you my Depends unsnaps in the front."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
You couldn’t find them because they’re not up there anymore Ralph!
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach, VA.
“I don’t care if you thought it was going to be silent, Harold. Those walls echo.”
Ann morrow
these top three made me smile
You just had to say "pull my finger."
Jeff Davis, Summerfield
You should have said you had gas before we bought the tickets.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
I think the tunnel of viagra would have been more helpful.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"Let's hope Viagra Falls is around this bend."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
Next time take the BLUE pill.
Dorothy Sykes, Elon
Darn hearing aid.What were you saying about tiled and creamy specs?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
I had to think about this one a looong time …
"I know you're a Freudian, but sometimes a tunnel is just a tunnel."
Mark Prevette, Lexington
BEST POEM
Years ago, he defended her honor.
Now he wishes his wife was a goner.
He would give her a shove
In the Tunnel of Love
If the stream was filled up with piranha.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You are my turtle dove
we just went thru the tunnel of love
although this boat fit us like a glove
All you did was complain about how it was dank and dark
and I just didn't feel any romantic spark
It just made me want to shove you out
and so I guess you have the right to pout!
Nancy Nelson
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
"I tried to tell you there was no fishing."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
When you said we were going on a cruise for our 50th anniversary, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.
Walt Hayes, High Point
If you ask them nicely I bet they'll drag the canal for your dentures.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
You're NOT the king of the world and you were going to capsize the boat.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Stop pouting, I'll request a refund when we dock!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Your behavior is grounds for mutiny!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
You’ve been on a roll lately, Frank
This definitely wasn't the Love Boat!
Nancy Nelson
They sure misnamed this ride
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
You're no captain Stubing.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
JUST FOR FUN
From Tim Tribbett
THE REST
1.) I'm sorry I slapped you.It was just reflex.
2.) I think the tunnel of viagra would have been more helpful.
3.) Well,that didn't help.Let's try the rollercoaster.
4.) I'm sorry I slapped you but you were being fresh.
5.) I want my money back.
6.) After 40 years of marriage I think the tunnel of indifference would have been better.
7.) You should have said you had gas before we bought the tickets.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"Wish I'd brought a fishing rod"
Don P. Sanders
"You fool, all you think about is fishing!"
Mary Lu Sanders
Greensboro
PS - we've been married 50 years and my husband loves to fish!
"This is not my idea of a romantic cruise!"
Janis McDaniels, Greensboro
It's called The Tunnel of Love not The Tunnel of Silence.
Ken Layton, Carthage
You only got on this thing because you were tired of walking?
Madi King, 11, Carthage
This is not the same as a cruise to the Carribbean!
Ken Layton, Carthage
To tell you the truth, I had more fun when the Titanic was sinking. . .
Ken Layton, Carthage
Ahoy there, mate !
Dear, I'm pedaling fast as I can !
So, been there and done that, hum !
Rock the boat, darling !
Next time, you should take a kayak !
Think we need a tug boat to help us dock ?
When we dock, it's anchors away for us !
Oh OK, you can be Captain !
Stop pouting, I'll let you bring the fishing gear next time !
At least on a carriage ride the horse pays me some attention !
It's just like the Titanic, we've hit an iceberg, dear !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Tunnel of love.. they dont show you 40 years later !!!
Paul Seagraves, Graham
"Bummer! Forgetting your Viagra."
James O. Durham, Greensboro
1. Do we have to come here every summer!?!
2.That was romantic, but there is one thing i didn't understand, why was the water brown?
Chris Seagraves, 13, Graham
"What's loathe got to do with it?!"
CeeCee Sneed, Greensboro
40 years ago you wern't sitting there with your arms crossed!
Paul Seagraves, Graham
why are you so grumpy!!
Victoria Seagraves, age 8, Graham
Stop sulking about not getting a pedalo.
Can't you think of anything to do besides worry about where a life preserver is?
Good news, Sugarlamb, I'm over my hangup about getting my hair messed up.
You're still angry because I wanted to wear a bikini, aren't you?
You know I've always been afraid of snakes in dark places.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
I just love it when you play hard to get !
That section of rapids really gave me a rush, how about you, dear ?
Stop pouting, I'll request a refund when we dock !
Your behavior is grounds for mutiny !
What ever happened to " full steam ahead " , Captain ?
Don't fret, you'll always be my first mate !
Want'a to try a weekend at Fantasy Island ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Darn hearing aid.What were you saying about tiled and creamy specs?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"Was it good for you?"
"So much for memory lane!"
"At least we got the Senior Citizens discount!"
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro
"Why don't you kiss me like that in the daylight!"
George Keely, Jr., High Point
You just had to say "pull my finger."
Jeff Davis, Summerfield
"Then who kissed me in the dark?!"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
"We could have done this on the sofa!"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
You want romance then stop nagging
Michelle Craig, White Lake
I heard the ride operator got demoted from his desk job after that Jon and Kate fiasco.
Every time we ride this, you wind up falling asleep at the end.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
1.) I forgot that you get seasick.
2.) I simply asked if you had brushed your teeth this morning.
3.) Well,I guess it's back to the ol' harlequin novels.
4.) If you ask them nicely I bet they'll drag the canal for your dentures.
5.) ALL I said was you need to trim your ear hair a little.
6.)Sorry dear but when it's dark you know I fall asleep.
7.)Well,it's still cheaper than counseling. 8.) Maybe the third time will be the charm.
9.) If I hadn't lifted you in you could have thrown out your back again.
10.) I forgot that you're afraid of the dark.
11.) I said I was sorry I forgot to buy your Grape Nuts. Let it go.
12.)I said I was sorry I called you the wrong name.
13.) I just don't appreciate that kind of filthy sex talk Harold.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"For us, it's the tunnel of a last desperate attempt to rekindle what flickered out eons ago."
Brandon Breeze
"Well honey I didn't mean to knock your toupee in the water."
Chuck Armentrout, Greensboro
1) "Henry, the teacup ride would have been more exciting than that!"
2) "I don't understand why you would rather ride this with that waaaaaay too young girlfriend over your own mother!"
3) "I tried to tell you there was no fishing."
4) "Really Henry! The only spark you have left is your cigarette lighter!"
5) "What's love got to do with it?"
6) "I know it's pitch black in there, but I didn't expect you to french kiss my nose!" (Yuk!)
7) "Even Norman and Ethel Thayer knew how to suck face!" (think On Golden Pond)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
1. That ship sailed a long time ago!
2. What's wrong with cuddling?!
3. I thought you were taking me on a cruise!
4. You call this a cruise! 5. You dirty old man!
6. Stop calling me your turtle dove!
7. You old cogger! 8. Have you been taking Viagra again?!
9. You're lucky, I didn't shove you in the water.
10. Well it was dark in there, I couldn't see what I was doing!
11. Why did you keep hollering man over board?! That wasn't funny!
Nancy Nelson
So, Walter, tell me about these dummy friends of yours. You know - Peanut, Bubba J, José Jalapeño and Achmed the Dead Terrorist.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
12. I told you not to Rock the Boat Baby!
13. How was I supposed to know this ride would give you motion sickness!
14. Stop complaining, it didn't kill you!
15. This definitely wasn't the Love Boat!
16. What do you mean, you have a headache?!
16. What do you mean, you're not in the mood?
Nancy Nelson
Percy, you are as great a lover as ever...more's the pity!
Jim Pitcher, Greensboro
This isn't what I had in mind when I said I wanted to go on a romantic cruise.
Some second honeymoon! Romantic cruise, my ass!
And I told all my friends you were finally taking me on a romantic cruise!
I KNEW I shouldn't let you make our cruise reservations!
Next time I'M making our holiday reservations!
When you said you could find a cheaper romantic cruise, I should have known you'd pull something like this!
Heidi Huber, Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario
1.)If you wanted to be all lovey dovey you shouldn't have smothered those chili dogs with onions.
2.) It's hard to be romantic when your dentures are slippin.'
3.) Would you please stop worrying about your 401K.
4.) Could you talk about something other than constipation next time.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1.) Maybe it would help if you imagined me as a big TV remote.
2.) All those floating cigarette butts really killed the atmosphere.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
1 - "I'm sorry, Harold, but I'm just not into skinny dipping."
2 - "If you wanted someone to do that, you should have brought Ethel!"
3 - "Are you feeling anything yet?"
"Yeah, seasick."
4 - "If we don't hurry we'll miss Lawrence Welk!"
5 - "Fifty years to the day and my heart still flutters."
"That's just your pacemaker, dear."
6 - "I'm sorry, but hand-holding is strictly a second date activity!"
7 - "There's no use pouting, Harold, we've already missed Golden Girls."
"I'll 'Carnival Cruise' you."
(Ms.) Harol Hoffman, Greensboro
No I don't feel like sitting in his and her tubs ...
I knew Bruce Springsteen ... You're no Springsteen
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough
"Some joker must have switched signs! That was the 'House of Horror' ride all over again!"
Kevin Little
"If you had just asked for directions we would have gotten out of here hours ago!"
Mark Prevette
"This IS a Love Boat!"
'Next time you plan the outing and I'll be the pain in the ass!"
"Next time you plan the outing and I'll be the pain in the butt!"
"You thought this boat ride was a fishing trip?!"
"Next time, can you be a little romantic, Cue Ball?"
"That was fun! Where do you want to eat?"
"OK, next time you can be captain!"
"..and the tunnel protected your head from sunburn!"
"This was the only cruise we could afford!"
"You fascinated about a torpedo or mine sinking our boat the entire trip? WHY!!"
Dennis R. LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Well I bet Bruce Springsteen would've enjoyed the ride!
Nancy Nelson
..and I'm telling YOU that THIS doesn't count as a cruise.
2.)You STILL have to take me on a cruise Harold.
3.) I'm sorry I yelled BINGO but I wanted to get you excited.
4.) You're NOT the king of the world and you were going to capsize the boat.
5.) I'm sorry but we can go to Golden Coral any ol' time.
6..) I'm telling you for the last time .No rollercoaster!
7.) If you get cotton candy you'll ruin your appetite for meatloaf.
8.) The rollercoater operator was right.This is more your speed.
9.) Three dollars isn't too much for a ride Howard. 10.)We're riding this until you get it right.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Some love boat, me pedaling & treating your carpal tunnel at same time !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
1.) Well,at least that was better than that awful VH1 Flavor of Love ride.
2.) Sorry dear but I just had to text my BFF Gertrude.
3.) It was too dark to twitter in there.
4.) I didn't appreciate the loud rap music either Howard.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1. They sure misnamed this ride
2. You're not my husband, who are you?
3. This should be named "Tunnel of Terror."
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
1 - "It's not you. It's me."
2 - "So who's this Myrtle person, and why is she texting you ten times a day?"
Mark Prevette
1.) Are you still pouting about that rigged darts game?
2.) You're no captain Stubing.
3.) You win. We'll do the tunnel of ESPN next.
4.)All I said was I wish I could run my fingers thru your hair.
5.)That was just an old piece styrofoam not an iceberg Leonardo.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
I though it was really rude of you to scream "DON'T DO IT!" to every guy in line.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"Let's hope Viagra Falls is around this bend."
"We had this same boat on our honeymoon, wonder if it qualifies for Cash for Clunkers?
"No, I don't have a headache but I am getting sea sick."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
"Yada, yada, yada,..."
Paul J. Klosterman,High Point.
"Talk about a misnomer!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
"So...was it good for you?"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
"I'd say it's about four or five feet deep, why?"
"I should have told you my Depends unsnaps in the front."
"So this is what you meant when you said we'd take a cruise?"
"I think we should have taken the "Tunnel of Tolerance."
"You fool, those were my bunions."
"Wake up, Harold."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"More like the Vortex of Dashed Dreams."
"And absolutely no light at the end of it!"
"I asked for a romantic getaway to Venice, not the water park."
"I started having doubts as soon as we paid the toll back there."
"Oh, let me guess. On this ride, you get sucked in, tossed about, and all
washed up in the end."
Kris Voy, Trinity
You couldn't find them because they're not up there anymore Ralph!
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach, VA.
1. "Don’t you dare ask for a refund."
2. "YOU’RE disappointed?”
3. "Would you at least sigh so I know you’re alive?"
4. "THAT was the ‘romantic cruise’ you promised me?"
5. "It’s not my fault your teeth fell out.”
6. "If you were going to give me the ‘silent treatment’, you could’ve at least puckered-up."
7. "I’m not going to call you the ‘Candlestick Maker’."
Tom Norman, Greensboro
I sent these before but forgot to include my personal information. For "Tunnel of Love":
1 - "I'm sorry, Harold, but I'm just not into skinny dipping."
2 - "If you wanted someone to do that, you should have brought Ethel!"
3 - "Are you feeling anything yet?"
"Yeah, seasick."
4 - "If we don't hurry we'll miss Lawrence Welk!"
5 - "Fifty years to the day and my heart still flutters."
"That's just your pacemaker, dear."
6 - "I'm sorry, but hand-holding is strictly a second date activity!"
7 - "There's no use pouting, Harold, we've already missed Golden Girls."
8 - "It's not you. It's me."
9 - "So who's this Myrtle person, and why is she texting you ten times a day?"
10 - "If you had just asked for directions, we would have gotten out of here hours ago!"
Mark Prevette, Lexington
Could we ride this just one time without you humming the theme to "Gilligan's Island?"
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Well, that was a waste of time!
50 years ago I would have at least got a kiss
No teeth, no hair, not even a kiss to show you care!
I said, pummel the bug
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro
Edgar, lets go through again and at least unfold you arms this time.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
"If you gain any more weight they'll have to put us on an aircraft carrier next time Ethel."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
"I know you're a Freudian, but sometimes a tunnel is just a tunnel."
Mark Prevette, Lexington
18. You old geezer, I saw you looking at that lady in the next boat!
19. Row, row, row your boat!
Nancy Nelson
"I just realized that I left the stove on!"
"I do not talk too much. I don't know why you say that. You're always saying that. But I don't think so. Besides you never listen to me. How can you know that I talk too much if you never listen to me. Are you listening to me? Isn't this a great ride? I'm glad we got away. Want to do this again? Are you listening to me?...."
"I bet you never thought that when we married on a bar bet that we'd still be together 40 years later!"
"Well, you could have TOLD me that the Super Bowl was on right now."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
"Why are you embarrassed...don't you agree that the acoustics were perfect for opera??"
"OK, I won't sing again...but don't you agree that the acoustics were perfect for opera??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
"Sorry, I forgot to remove my teeth." ( Couldn't help my self.)
"You just have to wait till we get home."
"Yah, yah, yah, yah."
"Boy, that sure was short."
"I had more fun at the fair last year."
"No, I'm not giving you a divorce."
"Funny, you were not like this 20 years ago."
""Well, the doctor said bad breath would be a side effect."
"Come on honey, lay one big one on me like you used to do."
James Ferrell, McLeansville
"So this is your idea of a cruise"
Oliver M. Harrison, Greensboro
So this is the romantic cruise for my birthday?
Frank Freeman, Greensboro
Since when are you afraid of the dark?
Dorothy Sykes, Elon
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