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The Joke's On You

THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 073109

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

Play “Beat the Cartoonist!” I’ve written a bunch of captions for last week’s cartoon and put them below. See if yours matches -- or even beats -- mine. (A lot of you matched me.)

By the way, know anyone who reads this who has a birthday coming up? Let me know on the week their birthday falls and I’ll give them a shout-out right here. Hollah!

LAST WEEK’S CARTOON

MY CAPTIONS (These are some captions I wrote before the cartoon was published)

I hear it’s a show about nothing.

Have his writers executed.

Great. Another reality show.

Can you Tivo this? I gotta go to a meeting.

I have his first season on DVD.

I hear the paparazzi have been brutal to him.

What else is on?

He became an internet sensation

We are not amused.

Booooring!

I like the outtakes at the end of the program of the mistakes he made.

Reruns again? I’ll be glad when the new season starts.

His act isn’t as edgy as it was in season one.

This? It’s a pilot for a possible new show.

WINNER

Why did we ever start Camelot's Got Talent?

Andy Ralston-Asumendi, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP

They're called jesters now dear. Fool is offensive.

Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Juggling is so 15th century.

Mark Prevette, Lexington

"I hate Summer reruns"!

Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

"Surely you jest."

Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

I’ll be glad when the new season starts!

Dorothy Sykes, Elon

"4 years of undergraduate, 2 years of graduate school, tough economy!"

Joe Erba, Asheboro

"Free Bird!!!"

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

“At least he’s better than last week’s Stand Up Philosopher.”

Gray Amick, Kingdom of Guilford

"So You Think You Can Jester"? I can't take any more reality shows!

Doug Edgerton, Thomasville

JR. CATEGORY WINNER

Shall we tell him his zipper is down?

Madi King, 11, Carthage

PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)

Tim, here are your new “Jokes On You” judges. Bubba here was a bouncer, Alice worked at the DMV, Vinnie is a former drill sergeant, and Frank just got fired from the U.S. Postal Service,

Ken Sheldon, Elon

"It's rather tragic to watch a cartoonist loose what's left of his mind..."

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Hmmmm … two psychic entries about cartoonists …

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE

Do the dead parrot sketch.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Shirley, you jest?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

… And don’t call me Shirley …

"After all those years this is the best job Andy Capp could find?"

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat"
Marcia Minsky, LosCon 36

BEST/WORST PUN

"Someone give me a knife, I'm going for the juggler."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

BEST INSIDE JOKE

"Are those zebra nuggets?"

Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"I almost regret having that cartoonist executed." (sorry, I had to)

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

I haven’t seen balls juggled like that since Tribbett’s last visit.”

Debra Schaben

Uh …

I wonder what sort of descendants Jester Rickard will spawn.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I think he’d look better in the hat on the Joke’s On You blog.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Why Tim Rickard is funnier than that!

Well at least he's funnier than that Tim Rickard! (Just kidding)

Nancy Nelson

The fact he is my brother doesn't help.

Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.

"Do you think Sir Rickard is taking the whole 'Jokes On You' thing a little too seriously?!?!?"

"I never should've hired an Italian Cook to be our Juggler..." (lost in B&W)

"OK...your turn...what's a funny caption for THIS guy?"

"He's really a cartoonist...he just does this stuff on the weekends..."

"He's really a cartoonist...he just does this so he can wear the tights."

"It's rather tragic to watch a cartoonist loose what's left of his mind..."

"It's just a phase. Last week he wanted to work for the News & Record."

"At least he didn't want to be a cartoonist!"

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

King "Let's send him into space" Queen "RU Sirius?"
Marcia Minsky, LosCon 36

MATURE

Wait a minute! I just got that" I am sofa king we todd ed" joke.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

When you said he had 3 balls I reeeally was expecting something else.

Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.

"Talented, but expect disappointment if you continue to bill yourself as 'Jester With Three Balls'!"

(anonymous please!)

What ever you say Kev… I mean, stranger.

'That takes balls!'

Mary Williams, Lexington

"Why doest he think I would enjoy pooh juggling?"

"I think I liked the sword swallower better. Shame about his testicles though..."

"I liked the sword swallower better. Shame about the family jewels though..."

"Where do you suppose he found butt-less tights in green?"

"If he's going to do that then he should know that the sock goes in the front not the back..."

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

BEST POEM

This performer’s a court jester who’ll

Amuse kings who can sometimes be cruel.

At the king, he can’t scoff

Or his head gets cut off.

To live, one must be smart as a foole.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

CHESTER THE JESTER

There once was a young guy named Chester,

Who decided to be a Court Jester,

With his balls in his hand,

He struck up the band,

But the Queen thought it was a Crude Gesture!

So he asked her for just one more try,

'Cuz he wasn't a dirty ol' guy,

But all the queen said,

was "Off With His Head!",

And he covered his crotch up instead!!

Now the lesson you should understand,

If you carry your balls in your hand,

If you visit the Queen,

Best be sure she's not mean,

Or you might end up neutered instead!!

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Although he was mute

he looked very cute

in his outfit of green,

he rendered the Queen

speechless. The King wasn't very impressed, he didn't even crack a smile

All he said was Sylvester

you're not a very good jester

I'm giving my guards the order to chop off your hands and head! (ouch

Nancy Nelson

SO ENIGMATIC THAT IT’S FUNNY

“So that’s what happened to the royal milk duds.”

Gray Amick, Kingdom of Guilford

OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS

"I get so fed up with reruns."

Kris Voy, Trinity

Best accountant we’ve ever had.

Frank Freeman, Greensboro

If he can juggle books, we should appoint him treasurer.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

THE REST

If he can juggle books, we should appoint him treasurer.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

"and just think, he's our only son and heir to the throne."

Colin Davis, Greensboro

"I hate Summer reruns"!

"Apparently he has never seen himself in a mirror"?

""Incredible talent.........I?wonder if he can?juggle AND chew gum!"

Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

I hope the royal DVR is fixed soon.

2.) WE are not amused!

3.) I feel like I should bang a gong or something.

4.)Those better not be the crown jewels!

5.)Whoa,deja vu

6.) He really needs some new material.

7.) It would be ironic if we had him stoned with those same rocks

8.) I thought they were exaggerating when they said they give their customers the royal treatment.

8.)Sooooo,this is what they meant by the royal treatment.

9.)They really do make you feel like a king at this day spa.

10.) I'm glad we splurged for the 5 star hotel.

11.) Booooorrring!

12.)I'm bored.I might walk down to the dungeons and see who's on the rack today.

13.) I'm bored.I might go up to the tower and spit on peasants.

13.)That last guy was funnier.Why did we execute him again?

14.) I wonder what sort of descendants Jester Rickard will spawn.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

He works for the Grasshoppers during the baseball season.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

We have dinner reservations!

No, you can't go swatting biplanes.

Your needed for Survivor NY

Couldn't you wait until I put something more revealing ...

I Don't care if this is the best place for streaming on your iPod - Dinner TIme!

Honestly, Tim, Halloween is four months from now.

Jon Barsanti, Jr Hillsborough

Next ! ! !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Maybe that Shakespeare fellow can use him at the Globe.

Ken Layton, Carthage

"4 years of undergraduate, 2 years of graduate school, tough economy!"

Joe Erba, Asheboro

He was a winner on "Britain's Got Talent"?

Ken Layton, Carthage

Last week he tried it with torches and set the Summer Palace on fire.

Ken Layton, Carthage

If he can sing too, he might try American Idol.

Ken Layton, Carthage

Shall we tell him his zipper is down?

Madi King, 11, Carthage

Put a couple of showgirls into his act and he could audition in Vegas.

Ken Layton, Carthage

"I understand he used to be an economic advisor for the Bush adminstration."

Rod Hackney, Bear Creek

Ready to test the trap door I had installed under the carpet?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

He claims to have invented something called a ""knock knock joke".

2.) If he uses that joy buzzer on me again his head is coming off.

3.) The juggling is fine but the whoopee cushions have to stop.

4.) It was your idea to let the prince choose his own career path.

5.) That joker is wild.

6.) Do the dead parrot sketch.

7.) I see Mel Brooks under the King Kong cartoon. Is he available?

8.)The threat of execution really brings out his best.

9.) He couldn't be a bigger fool if he tried.

10.)Quit fooling around Prime Minister.

11.) Dang trap door is stuck again.

12.) Remember,never ever pull his finger.

13.) You have 5 seconds to amuse me...1 mississippi,2 mississippi...

14.) Surely he jests.

15) Wait a minute! I just got that" I am sofa king we todd ed" joke.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Maybe we should make him our Economy Czar.

Tim Williams, Greensboro

Shirley, you jest?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

I'll be glad when the new Fall season starts.

I'll be glad when the Summer re-runs are over.

You know if they would let those potatoes cool off before serving them it would make things easier.

I'd hoped that our son would have aspired to follow in my footsteps.

So this is what our accountant does when it's not tax season.

Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, Florida

Just imagine how good he'd be if his hat wasn't over his eyes.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

I think he'd look better in the hat on the Joke's On You blog.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

1. I'm taking him to Court this week! 2. Mum's the Word!

3. Your jester is mute!

4. What's so funny about a juggling mute!

5. Ha, ha, ha!

6. Why Tim Rickard is funnier than that! 7. I'm green with envy!

8. Well at least he's funnier than that Tim Rickard! (Just kidding)

9. Is this some kind of weird joke?!

10. Well at least, I don't have to listen to his jokes!

Nancy Nelson

"It's performance art - I think he's doing Barrack Obama."

Marti McMillan, High Point

My vote still goes to Susan Boyle.

This is like watching a rerun of Britain's Got Talent.

If you paid him more than a farthing you paid too princely a sum.

Those aren't balls, they're Irish potatoes.

He's here on work release. He started out juggling books.

I think he could handle more balls if his cap wasn't covering his eyes.

Joan Lux, Greensboro

Why did we ever start Camelot's Got Talent?

Andy Ralston-Asumendi, Greensboro

The comment I have is: "So.........this is what our son learned at that expensive school!"

Patricia B Comer, Browns Summit

1) I've seen this one before, hand me the remote

2) When you said he had 3 balls I reeeally was expecting something else.

3) The fact he is my brother doesn't help.

Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.

1.) What name should we give this flouncing,outrageous,ostentatious loon?

2.) Seen it. 3.) Ok,now do it counterclockwise whilst hopping on one leg.

4.) I think he may really drop the ball on this one

5.) Can thou playest "Freebird" on yonder lute?

6.) I still think executions are more entertaining.

7.) What a strange fellow. Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"At least he won't be able to see himself being led to the guillotine."

"Bring back the magician so he can make this guy disappear."

"It's as if he wants to be sent to the guillotine!"

"That's a waste of perfectly good oranges!"

"I almost regret having that cartoonist executed." (sorry, I had to)

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"I'm missing The Tutors for this!"

"This could quite possibly be THE most boring moment I've ever spent."

"These are the Dark Ages - it'll take more than that to amuse me!"

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

This isn't what I had in mind when he said he needed some time to "find himself"

Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

What else is on?

2.) I can't wait for them to invent ESPN.

3.) Did he just buzz and say it was a test of the emergency broadcast system?

4.) They really pick on you when you sit in the front row for these comedy shows.

5.) This really takes my mind off those annoying starving peasants.

6.) I hear this Tom fellow is really good at foolery.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Talented, but expect disappointment if you continue to bill yourself as 'Jester With Three Balls'!"

(anonymous please!)

"Skillful, but how about some Elvis impersonations!"

"Yawwwwnnn. Can't wait until someone invents Gameboys."

"See Jester? Much more precise since we substituted hand grenades!"

Kevin Little

"I always wanted to do that!"

Mary Williams, Lexington

' That takes balls!'

Mary Williams, Lexington

11. Off with his Hands!!

12. You're hired we need someone to juggle our books!

Nancy Nelson

We should have bought the digital TV instead.

Ted Bachmann, Greensboro

1.) It's the latest thing. I believe they call it jungling.

2.) These kids today and their crazy fads.

3.) Should we tell him he just split his leotard?

4.) I really don't see the point.Do you?

5.) He takes after your side of the family.

6.) It must be magic.I'll see if we can schedule a burning.

7.) This was impossible before Newton's discoveries about physics.

8.) I guess with all the inbreeding this was bound to happen.

9.) Who was that ed sullivan fellow that introduced him?

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

13. You're rendered my Queen speechless!

14. Is that your uncle Moe?!

15. You'd better not drop that cow dung on our new carpet!

Nancy Nelson

My heart is bursting with fatherly pride.

Only two weeks ago he was throwing dirt clods at the serfs.

See -- you can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

With his talent he'll enjoy a lifetime of fame and fortune.

I predict there will always be a huge demand for jugglers.

The entertainment industry can never have too many jugglers.

Joan Lux, Greensboro

Think it's time to get cable TV?

Steve Mann, Stokesdale

You couldn't get this caliber of entertainment during the dark ages.

2.) He's not very good but those guys have a really strong union.

3.) Three balls? He's a mad man. 4.) I was hoping for a little stand up.

5.) Do you ever feel out of step with modern times?

6.) Did you know jesters have their own lobby?

7.)They're called jesters now dear. Fool is offensive.

8.) Calling them fools is politically incorrect dear.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Think He Could Juggle the Royal Purse As Well?

Jim Pitcher, Greensboro

"That 100-year war was costly. We could only afford a 3-ball juggler!"

"That reminds me. The Royal Books need "adjusting!"

"This is BORING!! I hope he drops one!"

"He's also the Royal Accountant!"

"He's a retrained laid off knight!"

"Those balls are part of tonight's Italian Dinner!"

"NEXT!"

"This is the last time you're arranging entertainment!!"

"At times like this, being King is a royal pain!"

Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

I just think it's too soon for plague jokes.

2.) Are you sure a satellite dish would look improper?

3.) I think there is an app for this now.

4.) I know it's a seige but cutting off our cable was dirty pool.

5.) I think I know where we can trim the royal budget.

6.) He prefers to be called an entertainment specialist.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Sorry, sweetheart, I just don't think Jr. is cut out to be king.

Cal Sigler, Browns Summit

1) The entertainment really sucks when our cable goes out.

2) "So You Think You Can Jester"? I can't take any more reality shows!

3) Does he have experience? His last job was handling sub-prime interest-only loans for a major bank.

Doug Edgerton, Thomasville

"With today's economy, there's simply no need for a good acupuncturist any more."

Mark Prevette, Lexington

Wonder if he goes counterclockwise too ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexingtion

I can't see how he does it !

Dear, how about selecting another channel, please !

Maybe he would make a good shortstop for the Royals !

It's all in the footwork, my dear !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I hate when cable goes out."

"Friday is supposed to be karaoke night!"

"How come when I order the belly dancers, they send this guy in tights?"

"Wasn't he supposed to be in the last round of layoffs?"

"Exactly how far DID you cut the entertainment budget?"

"I asked for a nightcap, not a sleep aid."

"Counting sheep is far less painful."

"Heads will be rolling tomorrow on the creative leadership team."

"I get so fed up with reruns."

Kris Voy, Trinity

Nothing but reruns again tonight!

Dean Tribbett, Va Beach VA

"Free Bird!!!"

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

1. "Remind me dear to summon the dung beetle exterminator."

2. "Are those zebra nuggets?"

3. "Jay Leno in his thong bikini was much more amusing."

4. "I vote no for "Spain's Got Talent"."

Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

I want my MTV!

Dean Tribbett, Va Beach

"Do you think Sir Rickard is taking the whole 'Jokes On You' thing a little too seriously?!?!?"

"Why doest he think I would enjoy pooh juggling?"

"I don't have the heart to tell him what he's juggling with..."

"I never should've hired an Italian Cook to be our Juggler..." (lost in B&W)

"OK...your turn...what's a funny caption for THIS guy?"

"What's a seven letter word for royal idiot?"

"Well with a name like Chester did he really stand a chance?"

"Pssssh...that's nothing...try balancing the royal budget!"

"Bark like a dog...<woof, woof>...a BIG dog! <WOOF,WOOF!>"

"I think I liked the sword swallower better. Shame about his testicles though..."

"I liked the sword swallower better. Shame about the family jewels though..."

"He's really a cartoonist...he just does this stuff on the weekends..."

"He's really a cartoonist...he just does this so he can wear the tights."

"It's rather tragic to watch a cartoonist loose what's left of his mind..."

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Four? Surely you jest."

"I see our daughter has made spaghetti again."

"Methinks thou dost jest too much."

Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Where do you suppose he found butt-less tights in green?"

"If he's going to do that then he should know that the sock goes in the front not the back..."

"After all those years this is the best job Andy Capp could find?"

"You're right...you caught me...I AM jealous of the tights!"

"Do you think he's EVER going to move out on his own?"

"I know...but we promised your Mother we'd take care of him...no matter WHAT."

"It's just a phase. Last week he wanted to work for the News & Record."

"At least he didn't want to be a cartoonist!"

"Given his grades I can't say I'm the least bit surprised..."

"Couldn't he just TELL us when we're having Spaghetti & Meatballs?"

"I wanted the Belly Dancers but NOoooooooooo...had to have it YOUR way!"

"Four years at UNC and THIS is what we have to show for it?!?!?"

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Well, it was your big idea to tell Junior to get a job or move out!

Dean Tribbett, VA Beach

"Yes, I'm very comfortable now that I have on my Snuggie."

"And you say he's also our accountant?"

"More feeling!"

Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1. "So that's where our spaghetti meatballs went!"

2. "For some reason, I'm craving a dill pickle and kiwi's."

3. "Not bad for a guy that can't see."

Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "It's time to call the cable guy and get HBO!"

George Cornett, Greensboro

1. “I always wanted to be a Jester, but with no real talent or skills they made me king.”

2. “Boy, they really do treat you like royalty on this cruise.”

3. “Unfortunately, Sir Dancealot is also our best Knight.”

4. “He’s terrible, but at least we’ve got good seats.”

5. “You made me cancel cable for this?”

6. “He’s a Fool by night and a Knight by day.”

7. "This guy's making a fool out of himself."

Tom Norman, Greensboro

Juggling is so 15th century.

Mark Prevette, Lexington

2. Looks like you get what you pay for using Craig's list.

3. Well he's no Danny Kaye.

4. I thought a guy juggling dung would've been funnier.

5. If he lights them on fire he's hired.

6. I wonder if this is how Simon and Paula feel at auditions.

Eric Grimm, Greensboro

"That Conan guy is looking pretty good about now."

Reta Beck, Greensboro

Tis my Lady's Birthday, couldn't you get the fiddlers three ?

You mean we juggled our schedule for this ?

Sorry chap, but you're giving us a royal headache !

I'll be glad when Fall arrives, I'm tired of reruns !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Wonder if he knows his outfit has split behind ?

For my Lady's birthday, I have new invention called the gong !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Someone give me a knife, I'm going for the juggler."

Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1.) I wonder if he could juggle the royal books like that.

2.) I'll hold up a torch to request an encore.

Tim Tribbett

I know you requested the Chippendales but this is the best I could do in this economy.

We said Holy Grail, not lowly male.

Let’s turn to the Jousting Channel.

"OK jester wrap it up, we've got dinner reservations at Medieval Times Restaurant for 8:00."

If he drops another one, behead him!

And I thought the plague was bad.

At least he’s better than last week’s Stand Up Philosopher.

So that’s what happened to the royal milk duds.

How much longer before they invent the Gong Show?

And I thought the last Holy War was bad.

"Throw him in the dungeon and revoke his swine flu vaccine."

Gray Amick, Kingdom of Guilford

"Surely you jest."

Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"I find your work derivative."

"Yeah, he's good, but the last guy had a dragon in his act."

Mark Prevette

“I thought only women could multi-task.”

Maryann Callahan

King "Let's send him into space" Queen "RU Sirius?"
"So that's where the meatballs went!"
"Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat"
"All three in the air at once. Now that's magic."
Marcia Minsky, LosCon 36

I hear it’s a show about nothing.

Have his writers executed.

Great. Another reality show.

Can you Tivo this? I gotta go to a meeting.

I have his first season on DVD.

I hear the paparazzi have been brutal to him.

What else is on?

He became an internet sensation

We are not amused.

Booooring!

I like the outtakes at the end of the program of the mistakes he made.

Reruns again? I’ll be glad when the new season starts.