The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 072409
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
OK, we haven’t done this in awhile. For next week’s cartoon we’re going to play “Beat the Cartoonist!” I’ve written about a half-dozen captions for next week’s cartoon. See if yours matches -- or even beats -- mine.
And happy birthday, Bryan!
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
WINNER
"I said the Empire ROOM"
Roch C. Smith, Greensboro
RUNNERS-UP
You haven't really thought this through have you?!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
“Quit trying to impress me. You had me at ‘ooh-ooh’.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Whadda you mean, you're afraid of heights?
Don P. Sanders, Greensboro
"Our first time in New York, and you take me to some tourist trap!"
Kevin Little
“Big gentle guy, you said. Went ape over my picture, you said. Meet at the top of the Empire State Building, you said!!!
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
What do you mean you lost your job and we have to live on top of this building?
Angela Edwards-Gresham, Greensboro
Do me a favor – whenever you go into our son’s room, could you just leave his model airplanes alone?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
"Who do you think you are? Tarzan?"
Noah Smith, age 6, Greensboro
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
Please, Tim, tell us you didn’t send the “Brewster Rockit” archive to NASA for safekeeping!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
That blowing me dry bit might look romantic, but you really could use some Tic Tacs.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Throw all the barrels you want. My boyfriend Mario will still rescue me.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
KEEP your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Get your stinking paws off me, you damned, dirty ape. Oops…sorry...wrong movie.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
If I see you with either that Watts chick or that bimbo named Lange again, I’ll take you for everything you’ve got, sure as my name is Fay Raye.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Where's makeup? I can still see a patch of purple fur on Magilla!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboeo
Kill those lights before they attract another Mothra!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"She's from Ellis Island and you're from Skull Island, it won't work."
(This could have been a contender except the woman’s supposed to be talking. It should be “I’m from Ellis Island …”)
"I hear Samsonite Luggage is hiring."
Gray Amick, Skull Island
"I hear Samsonite Luggage is hiring."
Gray Amick, Skull Island
BEST/WORST PUN
Read my lips, no more monkey business !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
BEST INSIDE JOKE
Well, I saw where Brewster Rockit had a Snuggie, and I just had to have one for myself.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
MATURE
You're not the only one that can throw poo mister!
Did you just flick poo at me?!
New ground rule.When we argue there will be no poo flinging
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
BEST POEM
At reunions, the old friends he has got
Are all dressed to the nines with an ascot.
He’s an honored alum,
But his wife thinks it’s dumb
When he goes to those dressed as the mascot.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
This adventure is a thriller
I never thought I'd love a big hairy gorilla
I know he can be a killer
But still he gives me such a romantic chill
and When it comes to him I have no will
when I know what I feel
is so very real
Maybe in this city of steel
he'll
get down on his knees and seal the deal
And then he'll really hear me squeal!
Nancy Nelson
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
We never have guests over!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
I just know they're gonna blame your imminent death on my devastating beauty!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
THE REST
I'm warning you -- I just came from spin class.
FYI, my personal trainer is Richard Simmons.
This town isn't big enough for both of us.
Is it high noon yet?
And I'm Superman under-undercover.
Wish I had my camera.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
Sorry, pal. In this neighborhood, we only take dollars, not bananas.
That blowing me dry bit might look romantic, but you really could use some Tic Tacs.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
1.) No,I'm not signing a prenup!
2.) Why is THAT Mrs. Kong still in your will!
3.) I can't believe you're refusing to sign a simple little life insurance policy!
4.) Twas your breath that killed the beauty!
5.) You,you...ANIMAL!
6.) The poo throwing has got to stop!
7.) You're tracking all over my nice clean ledge!
8.) Well,maybe they wouldn't shoot at you if you stopped swatting at them!
9.)Go pick me up a vacuum with a pet hair attachment!.
10.) You need to start shaving your back!
11.)Watch where you're gripping me mister!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Whadda you mean, you're afraid of heights?
Don P. Sanders, Greensboro
Throw all the barrels you want. My boyfriend Mario will still rescue me.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
1.) You're not the only one that can throw poo mister!
2.) Did you just flick poo at me?!
3.) New ground rule.When we argue there will be no poo flinging!
4.) What do you mean"Am I a natural blonde"?!
5.) I never said I was a natural blonde!
6.) Oh I now see, it's wham bam skyscraper ma'am.
7.) You call this a penthouse suite?!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
You should have told me before you started to climb the Empire State building that you have acrophobia.
Ken Layton, Carthage
I know your type. You'll get me to the top and threaten to drop me unless I give in to your desires.
Ken Layton, Carthage
"...and furthermore!"
Brenda Summers, Brown Summit
Get your stinking paws off me, you damned, dirty ape. Oops...sorry...wrong movie.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Already sent one suggestion, but I thought of another one:
"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm extremely afraid of heights."
Brenda Summers, Brown Summit
Please, Tim, tell us you didn't send the "Brewster Rockit" archive to NASA for safekeeping!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"OK. You got me up here. So now what?"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
"The zoo is a little further down U. S. 220."
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
"The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know."
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
"You brought all the way up here just so I could see the city's water usage???"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.
"I said the Empire ROOM"
Roch C. Smith, Greensboro
"What do you mean, It's not me, it's you?"
Aaron Simpson, Greensboro
Caption: "Well Kong! You got us up here, now get us down"
Bob Fuller - Greensboro
No way I'm hanging ten off here !
Haven't you hear, a good man is hard to find !
Are you monkeying with my affections ?
I hope you're not falling for me !
Read my lips, no more monkey business !
I can't help you're falling for me !
Go jump !
No ! I haven't read, " Everything That Rises Must Converge. "
No way you'll fit into the helicopter !
Need a vine ?
What do you mean by, I'm I a swinger ?
Where'd you put that banana peeeeeeeel.......... !
Remember ! You're not a cat !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Were you raised in a zoo ?
Maybe you can find one at a retail store !
Please tell me you don't have a belly ape !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
When I said you never take me anywhere, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.
Nancy Stevens, Jamestown
Me Jane, you Cheeta. Oops ! Wrong script .
Who's the Boss ?
It would never last !
Thanks, but I perfer the elevator !
Is this your idea of a proposal ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I'm tired of all this %$#* monkey business!
2.) KEEP your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!
3.) Go get a cap and a tin cup and start making some money!
4.)You haven't really thought this thru through have you?!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"Our first time in New York, and you take me to some tourist trap!"
Kevin Little
1.) I just know they're gonna blame your imminent death on my devastating beauty!
2.) I just bet they blame your demise on my smokin' hot rack!
3.)The Godzillas have a much bigger skyscraper!
4.) We never have guests over!
5.)Did you just give me a little push?!
6.)No,I will NOT just go potty over the side!
7.) I'm not living up here another 6 months buster!
7.) I need the ladies room NOW!
8.) My mother is coming for a visit and that's that! 9.) Some Honeymoon!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Well,they're sure as heck not shooting at me!
2.) HEY,innocent bystander here you trigger happy morons!
3.)Keep your distance target boy!
4.) Now you've done it.Here come the stealth bombers!
5.) When I said I like to be spontaneous I didn't mean like THIS!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
You didn't really think this all the way through did you?!
2.) I don't care how cheap the rent is!!
Tim Tribbett
Which cartoon are we in, King Kong or Donkey Kong?
Look Kong, I've got PMS and I'm not into playing games.
Get me down from here, the wind is messing up my hair"
I took the elevator, how did you get up here?
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro
You didn't take as much Viagra as you used Rogaine, did you?
michelle craig
Don't look at me like that, this isn't Sleepless in Seattle!
Mike Pearce, Reidsville
If I see you with either that Watts chick or that bimbo named Lange again, I'll take you for everything you've got, sure as my name is Fay Raye.
Do me a favor - whenever you go into our son's room, could you just leave his model airplanes alone?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
1.) Kill those lights before they attract another Mothra!
2.)Stop leaving banana peels all over the #$%& ledge!
3.) I thought you knew I was a transvestite!
4.) Aside from my breathtaking incredible stunning beauty you really don't know me!
5.) Godzilla still thinks I'm attractive!
6.) Hey idiots,shoot him in the face, the face!
7.) PLEASE wash your hands before you grab me again!
8.) I'm an undercover policewoman and YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
9.) I'm an undercover policewoman and this is a sting!
10.) If you turn informant we can crack this blond bimbo sacrifice ring wide open!
11.) So your ol' pal Godzilla climbs a skyscraper and I guess monkey see monkey do!
11.) This isn't what I meant when I said I wanted to live the high life!
12.) Don't you do that hear no evil thing when I'm talking to you!
13.) It's not bees,they're shooting you stupid
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
The elevator is broke, did you bring a monkey wrench ?
I'm tired of always being in your shadow !
I hope you're good at gorilla warfare !
No ! I don't like mile high ping pong Kong !
You & I are just wrong Kong !
Yes ! The elevator button went ding-dong Kong !
When it all evolves, it will become the planet of the apes !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I'm a handful, you know !
Remember, it was beauty killed the beast !
(That line would have been great in a more domestic setting, like at home where Kong was a channel-surfing slob or something ...)
Keep your paws off me !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Phil, putting on a monkey suit and dragging me up here is not what I consider romantic!
Phil, when I said to put on your monkey suit and take me out this is NOT what I had in mind.
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, Florida
Well, I saw where Brewster Rockit had a Snuggie, and I just had to have one for myself.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"..and put on some clothes!"
"Take me home!"
"You forgot the wine and cheese, you big ape!"
"No change in the script. You die and I'm rescued!"
"I don't think the people below appreciated what you just did!"
"This is the last time I use a dating service!"
"Now that we're here, what do we do?!"
No, I don't have a sister for your brother!"
"Wash your hands before you pick me up!!"
"We're out of TP!"
"What's next? Something odd like attacking fighter planes?"
"Big gentle guy, you said. When ape over my picture, you said.
Meet at the top of the Empire State Building, you said!!!
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
So, you finally me out on the town? Where is Manhattan society? Where is Joan Rivers? Selene? Cher? Figures we'd end up here when the place is closed! Cheapskate!
Timothy Carroll
You brought me all the way up here to watch the moon landing? I could've
stayed home and watched it on TV with Walter Cronkite.
Marcia Minsky
LosCon 36 Nov. 27 - 29, 2009
Hold that pose -- my camera's in the car.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
"It just seems we never go anywhere."
"I had no idea you were a Sagittarius."
"Can't you see that it was all just an act?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
STOP TOUCHING ME!
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach VA
"You fool, next week we would have opened for David Archuleta."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
1. “Quit trying to impress me. You had me at ‘ooh-ooh’.”
2. “You’ve got to get over your fear of elevators.”
3. “They warned me you wouldn’t know the meaning of ‘Restraining Order’.”
4. “Why do you always have to make a scene?”
5. “Do you ever think about how it makes ME look when you throw your feces at those airplanes?”
6. “Those people you just chased off the roof were on a smoke break.”
7. “I finally have something worth tweeting and you eat my BlackBerry!”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
. . . and another thing, I'm sick and tired of banana peels all over the floor!!!
Les Thomas
1. Aah, ah!
2. You never listen, I told you I'm acrophobic!
3. You big hairy ape!
4. You big gorilla, get me down from here! You know I have vertigo!
5. You call this romantic!
6. I said I wanted an apple, not to be seen in the Big Apple!
7. Shame on you!
8. I just want to go home!
9. How are we suppose to get down from here.?!
Nancy Nelson
"With your high-fiber diet it's going to be tough finding the right pooper scooper."
"Sorry, we're all out of bungee cords."
"She's from Ellis Island and you're from Skull Island, it won't work."
"I hear Samsonite Luggage is hiring."
"In this economy we can't afford a plane swatter."
"That will be $20 for the observation fee."
"We just had the windows done."
Gray Amick, Skull Island
"I took the elevator and the music wasn't that bad."
"First the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and now this."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
My agent promised me my costar would be tall,dark AND HANDSOME!
2.) Grab me again and I'll tazer you!
3.)Where's makeup? I can still see a patch of purple fur on Magilla!
4.) Honestly Steve,your steroid usage is getting waaaay out of control!
5.)You are soooooo superficial!
6.)I'm not a Barbie doll.
7.) Mr. Director,this idiot keeps missing his mark!
8.) It's not like anyone will remember this silly movie 50 years from now!
9.) I saw you eyeballing that blond on Madison avenue!
10.) Maybe if you had given me time to put on makeup I would have had beauty capable of killing a beast!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboeo
This will make for one doozie of a tweet! 2.) This is why I didn't approve you as a friend on Facebook. 3.) No one believes my tweets
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
It's this sort of behavior that kept me from approving you as a friend on Facebook!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
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