The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 071009
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
Personal note to Jimmy Carter of Eden: Thanks! We couldn’t do without readers like you, too.
I know I said I allow a lot of leeway in interpretation in my cartoons. I got several captions that made references to “This little piggy” or bacon, etc. Well, some things can’t be ignored and only captions about piggy banks or other monetary subjects were considered. Sorry. But cheer up! On the blog below is another of Ken Sheldon’s clever limericks.
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
WINNER
Do you two think I'm made out of money?
Kathy Harper, Kernersville
RUNNERS-UP
“Remember, it’s what’s inside you that counts.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
I see you guys have already paid your taxes this year!
Dean Tribbett, Va Beach
Change is good!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"I see you're victims of downsizing"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
"You Community Banks are killing me!"
Cal Sigler, Browns Summit
"I'm so proud that you two want to go into the family business."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro
Remember, when you're empty, you ask for a "Bailout."
Ken Layton, Carthage
Make sure you use the coin sorter before we leave the house.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
"Okay kids, I'm going to knock some cents into you."
Fraser Welsford, age 10, St. Pius The Tenth Elementary school, Greensboro
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
“This just in from Atlanta. CNN has announced that it is changing its name to MJ-24-7 and is moving its headquarters to the Neverland Ranch.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
I didn’t see any, probably because Bob Mannary didn’t enter this week. Let me know if I missed one.
BEST/WORST PUN
"Okay kids, I'm going to knock some cents into you."
Fraser Welsford, age 10, St. Pius The Tenth Elementary school, Greensboro
Change is good!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
BEST INSIDE JOKE
No, you’re not like Winky. We’re all hollow and don’t have a spleen.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
MATURE
"Wait till you go through the change."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
BEST CAPTION TO THE WRONG CARTOON
"So the Chase Bank Viking asks me what's in my wallet. What's a wallet?"
Alessandro Machi
(for the prison boat cartoon from a couple years back.)
BEST POEM
Asked the pigs in their questions unending,
“There’s a term that we find so offending.
We’re so cute. Tell us why
Our lawmakers rely
On a thing they call ‘Pork-Barrel Spending.’”
“Well, they take all the taxes they rake in
From the wages that everyone’s makin’.
Money’s tacked to a bill,
A pet project’s fulfilled,
Then they tell folks they bring home the bacon.”
Ken Sheldon
Ken has single-handedly made this the best category in JOU
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
A little Tribbett-heavy this week. Gray Amick saved what would have been a sweep.
I'm afraid grandpa fell off the dresser
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Kids,one of you is going to have to go with the nice IRS man.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
The police have cordoned off the area but they still haven't found the hammer.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
No bills until you finish your pennies.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
"During this economy you kids better get used to an empty stomach."
Gray Amick , Greensboro
Don't take any wooden nickles.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Stop pinching your brother's pennies.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
THE REST
1.) A penny saved is a penny earned .
2.) If you ever see little Billy with a hammer RUN!
3.) Once upon a time there was an evil subprime mortgage.....
4.) Yes, I think I smell birthday money too.
5.) Never go swimming when you're full of pennies.
6.) Times are tough. We may have to scavenge a wishing well.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Yes, everyone's got this empty feeling, and it isn't about Michael Jackson.
You don't have to be scared about that big, bad Madoff anymore.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Kids, this is a new beginning, so every penny counts!
Margie Chiasson, Jamestown
"You Community Banks are killing me!"
Cal Sigler, Browns Summit
"All right, It's been a slow market and we've lost "Roast Beef," "None," and "All the Way Home."
Bonnie Amos, Greensboro
Run fast if you see a hammer coming at you.
Is that your tummies growling?
You'll get used to that metallic taste.
And he'll keep raiding you to stockpile incandescent light bulbs.
We're saving for a muddy day.
I'm saving for a spa day -- ummm, mud packs.
Then we'll march on City Hall to get more of the family ensconced there.
He's as close with his money as bark is to a tree. [with thanks to my Grandma for this old saying]
If you stay on the highest shelf you'll never get fed.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
"Chrysler and GM come home to big daddy government".
Pete Peters, Burlington
"Okay kids, I'm going to knock some cents into you."
Fraser Welsford, Greensboro
Don't say "Stupid!" when I say, "A penny saved is a penny earned."
Glenda Layton, Carthage
Remember, when you're empty, you ask for a "Bailout."
Ken Layton, Carthage
First, they cut a slit in your back, pull out your insides with a needle, slap a tattoo on your side, and set you up to collect copper coins. That's your life in a nutshell.
Ken Layton, Carthage
"FOR THE LAST TIME, WE ARE PIGS, NOT FEDERAL PORK!!"
Eileen Thiery, Stokesdale
"Credit Cards are your best friend."
Susan Batten, Asheboro
1. Remember a penny saved is a penny earned!
2. You're about to be busted!
3. In this economy, you'll be all shook up!
4. Oink, Oink!
5. Don't get busted!
6. In hard times, we don't get fed as often!
Nancy Nelson
1) Remember, a penny saved...
2) First we learn how to go to market...
3) Stay away from barrels at the U.S. Congress
Bill Beerman, Greensboro.
relax, kids, Bernie Madoff isn't your Dad.
No name given
"Wait till you go through the change."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
"Going through the change killed my figure! "
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
1.) Urp, I couldn't eat another dollar of bailout money.
2.) Have you heard the story of the big bank and the hostile takeover?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"I see you're victims of downsizing "
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
"The dollar coin buffet was just too tempting! "
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
"I'll be so relieved on opening day"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
Do you two think I'm made out of money?
Kathy Harper, Kernersville
No, I don't have any small change.
Judy Marsh, High Point, N. C.
I see you guys have already paid your taxes this year!
Dean Tribbett, Va Beach
I invested my entire 401k in pork bellys, how did you guys do in the stock market this year?
Dean Tribbett
You have to save to get to my size
Mary Williams, Greensboro
Madoff and Stanford and Eberrs, Oh my!
Dean Tribbett, Va Beach
If you get your homework done you can watch CNBC until bedtime!
Dean Tribbett, Va Beach
Word of advice: when you see the kid with a hammer, run like hell!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Hand it over. Big daddy needs it to give you a tax cute
Charles Olim, Greensboro
"Once upon a time, a man named Maddoff."
Henry Kritzer, Greensboro
"I'm sorry, kids. Your father is a worthless pig. That swine flew to Argentina to be with his soulmate and left us penniless."
Peg Parham, Greensboro
"So the Chase Bank Viking asks me what's in my wallet. What's a wallet?"
Alessandro Machi
"Calm down kids, you're not making any cents!"
Debbie Cox, Greensboro
"We're on a budget now! No more Wii, Wii, Wii all the way home!"
Kevin Little
7. Remember Pearls before Swine!
8. What do you mean they're just nickle and diming you...that's a good thing?!
9. This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home!
10. You two look a little thin, are you eating their greens?
11. We're like slot machines, first they feed us until we're full and then they pull the plug or worst yet we get busted!
12. Think GREEN! 13. Every time they get near just Oink, that'll get their attention!
14. Tell then you're vegetarians!
Nancy Nelson
Sorry son, but with the economy like it is, this is as big as you will ever get.
Frank Beamon
1.) ...and then the big bad recession blew down the banks made of straw and sticks.
2.) Times are tough kids. We may have to eat pennies.
3.)Don't take any wooden nickles.
4.) I'm afraid I going to have to do a hostile takeover of you two.
5.) Relax, there's plenty to gobble up at the TARP trough.
6.) Careful,if you eat too much taxpayer money you'll feel guilty. JUST KIDDING!
7.) I'm Wells fargo. Which one of you is little Wachovia?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
1.) Times are tough. I see a lot of wee,wee,weeing in our future.
2.) ....Meryl Lynch had none and little Wachovia went wee,wee,wee all the way home.
Tim Tribbett,greensboro
"And no pork barrel spending, you two."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
"I'm so proud that you two want to go into the family business."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro
Please don't squeal on me, I plan to pay it all back soon !
A penny for your thoughts !
I'll be cashing in soon, kids !
I'm full, must'a been all those state quarters !
We are The First Bank !
Any of you guys seen may Rhode Island quarter ?
My advice, don't take any wooden nickels !
Remember, no playing the lottery, all of ours goes for education !
Together, we add up !
Remember, with us, every penny is on it's way to becoming a million !
Hey ! Those new Lincoln cents look delicious !
Be on the look out for a 1909 VDB S penny ! I need it for my collection !
Squeal like a pig if you get a 1909 VDB S !
They're rare, but be on the look out for those WWII zinc pennies !
Squeal if you get any Wheat pennies !
A penny saved, is a penny earned !
Here's my secret for always having some money, spend less than you make !
Those Texas quarters will really fill you out !
Don't take any IOU's these days !
Make'm save, no IOU's !
It's not what you make, it's what you save, that counts !
Our savings plan makes good cents !
Keep one tenth for the Salvation Army Kettles this Christmas !
Never let anyone short change you !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Your father was doing fine until the recession ...
Careful, everyone is looking for a piggy bank to raid ...
It's time you learned about the coins and the bills ...
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Hillsborough
1. "I see you both have done well at the market."
2. "I suggest investing in pork belly futures."
3. "Pork in the Capital doesn't necessarily mean there are pigs in Congress."
4. "Don't worry...Pork in Washington doesn't mean they're planning a BBQ."
5. "I invested with Bernie...there's nothing left."
6. "I invested in GM Bonds...there's only 10% left!"
7. "Beware of little boys with hammers."
8. "You're brother's out hiring a brick mason!"
9. "What does pork mean?!!...Huh... Hum...Well....
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
No, you're not like Winky. We're all hollow and don't have a spleen.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
When a rainy day comes, we'll still be eating high on the hog !
I think we can afford to ham it up a little !
They can count on us to bring home the bacon !
Oink ! Oink ! I've got all 50 states and DC too !
Those Vegas slot machines got nothing on us !
We give better odds than those Vegas slot machines, that's why !
We're are a sure bet, not those Vagas slot machines !
They'll never be out of bacon with us around !
Hey brothers, I'm saving up for a brick house !
We bet the lottery every time !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
When you've grown big as me, you can afford to ham it up some too !
Change is good !
Now, tell me again why I'm boss hog !
It's the Golden Rule : He who has the most gold rules !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
At one time, the family crest stood for "I Save." Lately, it has come to mean "I'm Screwed."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"What? You collected nothing?"
Agnes Joyner, Greensboro
16. The economy will get better when Pigs can Fly!
Nancy Nelson
Go ahead with your straw & sticks, I'm saving up for brick !
I'm worth more than you two put together !
I was suppose to be twins too, but I never divided !
I think we're safe till the kids start college !
I made my fortune in pork bellies, and you ?
When did you say your stock had a reverse split ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"You can search and search and search, but nothing will fill that empty feeling but cold, hard cash!"
David Holley,Greensboro
1.) I'm worried.Your father went to the hardware store hours ago.
2.) Uh oh,it's hammer time. 3.)No bills until you finish your pennies.
4.) Starving piggy banks in africa would love to have those pennies.
5.)Our greatest enemy is something called "inflation".
6.) I'm afraid grandpa fell off the dresser
7.) I hope that smash happy kid remembers we have an opening.
8.) I guess the ol' ten percent return stockmarket doesn't look so peachy keen now.
9.) Your father went to a bar last night and got smashed.
10.) Stop pinching your brother's pennies.
11.) I'm worried.Your father went to buy a hammer hours ago.
12.) I'm afraid your dad went to Vegas and broke the bank.
13.) I thought I was a goner but he just used the butterknife.
14.) If somebody offers to give you a little crack just say NO.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1.) Your father ran off with a slut..um I mean slot machine.
2.)That wishing well is really killing business.
3.) If I had a nickel for every time I've told you two to...wait,I do!
4. ) Make sure you use the coin sorter before we leave the house.
5.) I wonder why he keeps calling me plasma TV?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1. “I feel like I’ve been nickeled-and-dimed to death.”
2. “Remember, it’s what’s inside you that counts.”
3. “This recession has taken a lot out of me.”
4. ”Don’t fill up on pocket change; we’re having a coin collection for dinner.”
5. “If I don’t find a change machine, I’m going to have an accident.”
6. “I’ve been TARPED.”
7. “If a kid grabs you, turns you over and starts shaking, just play dead.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"This just in from Atlanta. CNN has announced that it is changing its name
to MJ-24-7 and is moving its headquarters to the Neverland Ranch."
Ken Sheldon, Elon
You wont get big like Mommy unless you take in a lot of greens
I see the recession has hit you two big time!
Ronnie Seagraves Greensboro
1.) If I die just bust me open for your inheritance.
2.) It's the taxman.Run for it! 3.)Behave please. I won't put up with this noncents!
4.)Uh oh, he's gonna roll us over into something called a IRA.
5.) If you want your allowances just get behind me.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
16. You two will just have to learn how to share!
Nancy Nelson
A recession means you will never be as big as me.
Don Rankin, Greensboro
I know it sounds ghoulish, children, but one of life's greatest joys is to help "bring home the bacon".
Larry Parrish, Greensboro
Asked the pigs in their questions unending,
"There's a term that we find so offending.
We're so cute. Tell us why
Our lawmakers rely
On a thing they call 'Pork-Barrel Spending.'"
"Well, they take all the taxes they rake in
From the wages that everyone's makin'.
Money's tacked to a bill,
A pet project's fulfilled,
Then they tell folks they bring home the bacon."
Ken Sheldon, Greensboro
Kids, one of you is going to have to go with the nice IRS man.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
OK, You go to the market and you stay home
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro
Oomph, I wish he would go easy on the coins.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
The police have cordoned off the area but they still haven't found the hammer.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Let's shake out & pig out tonight !
Checked out your belly buttons & let's go pig out !
Shake those belly buttons & let's pig out !
Let's roll over and do the backstroke so we can pig out !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
"Our consultant says we need to offer drive-through service."
"It's either a slit in the back or a one-way ticket to Stamey's fellas."
"Remember, never go to Vegas on an empty stomach."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
"During this economy you kids better get used to an empty stomach."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
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