The Joke's On You
THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 070309
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.
Some of you --- heck, a lot of you --- failed to notice the hole in the floor or thought it was a pile of dirt. No matter. My intention in my drawings is to leave them as broad to interpretation as possible, so no points were deducted.
A variation of the Grey Poupon joke was the most frequent response. So, none of those made the cut. Otherwise, a lot of good entries this week. The judges were all over the place.
LAST WEEK’S CARTOON
WINNER
Wish you'd call before just dropping in!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
RUNNERS-UP
No, my paper hasn’t come yet, either.”
Bill Wallace, High Point
“Weren’t you my lawyer?”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"You misread the map. Turn it!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Oh, he's 3 cells down on the right.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
You don't look anything like your secret tapping sounds.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
This is your first time isn't it
Jon Barsanti, Jr, Hillsborough
Yes, I have heard of AMWAY.
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
"Are you the guy who's gonna fix my floor?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
JR. CATEGORY WINNER
"You tasted the soup, didn't ya?"
Ciara Tolbert, Nathanael Greene Elementary Age 10, Julian
OTHER VOTE-GETTING CAPTIONS
Hey! Get out here ! This is a solitary confinement unit !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Oh alright! I guess I have nothing better to do so tell me aaaaaall about Jehovah and these witnesses!
Dean Tribbett, Va Beach
Dean Tribbett, Va Beach
You are going to make for one ugly chandelier
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
Are you from Papa John's?
Ronnie Seagraves
Ronnie Seagraves
I think I want that ceiling fan about three feet closer to the window.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Ken Sheldon, Elon
It was just a game of tag Phil. Let it go.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"Sorry man...he just left..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Thanks ! Now my roof leaks !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
There goes my security deposit.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Now that we've met, I'd like to talk to you about all the late night noise.
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
"The guys in cell block C are doing the Thriller routine. Interested!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
“I’m in for killing a guy who broke into my house.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Tom Norman, Greensboro
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
No, I'm not the Count of Monty Python.
Hey,aren't you Gary Larson?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
I bet you five smokes Tribbett or Mannary does a left turn at Albuquerque joke . “
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Close. Mannary does do some Bugs Bunny jokes, but it was actually Brandon who did the Albuquerque joke.
"Looks like I picked the wrong day to give up 'shrooms..."
"Then he says, 'What a way for a Duck to travel...underground...'"
"You're right...this isn't Pismo Beach..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
"You should've made a left at Albuquerque."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
See?
"They don't call this joint the Hotel California for nothing!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
“Shawshank Redemption,” anyone?
We can cover it with a Rita Hayworth poster
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
W.W.A.D. What would Andy do?
Eric Grimm, Greensboro
And for the older amoung us, “Papillon” …
“You’re a regular Steve McQueen.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
“Sorry dude, I was practicing my Queixada kick.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
"So then Michael goes to Vegas and learns that Lacy's baby is not his."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
This certainly sounds obscure. At least I have no clue.
BEST INSIDE JOKE
I’ll say that iPhone Eject Button app is powerful! It shot you through both my floor and ceiling!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Go away. I'm on a staycation!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
“I heard they got Rickard for impersonating a cartoonist.”
Gray Amick, Cell Block H, Greensboro
Actually, it was AGGRAVATED impersonating a cartoonist.
PSYCHIC ENTRIES FOR NEXT WEEK’S CARTOON (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
A couple years ago, it was just I-85. Last year, it was I-85 and I-40 with a little bit of I-73 . Now it’s just I-85 and I-73. No wonder the GPS exploded.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST POEM
It’s amazing! Come see what I mean!
It’s the darndest thing I’ve ever seen!
Ten feet down! It’s no lie!
There’s a tunnel dug by
Colonel Hogan from Stalag 13!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
BEST/WORST PUN
Don’t you find it odd that Superman would catch criminals while wearing an “S” cape?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
THE REST
1.) You and your $#%& Riverdancing! 2.) Didn't you used to be in the cast of Stomp?
3.) You and your #$%& tap dancing classes! 4.) Enough with the peekaboo joke already!
5.) No,you can't borrow a cup of gruel. 6.) Just 20 feet of bedrock to go and your home free.
7.) I don't even want to know where you hid that pick axe.
8.) Sorry,I don't have any Grey Poupon.
9.) It's not any better down here.
10.) Thanks for installing my skylight Jim.
11.) I'm telling. No offense but I could really go for some extra gruel about now.
12.) Um,I don't like that love sick look in your eyes buddy.
13.) The warden said for you to stay out of my room.
14.) A nice throw rug and they'll never notice.
15.) Guard! guard! He's invading my privacy again.
16.) It was just a game of tag Phil. Let it go.
17.) No, I'm not the Count of Monty Python.
18.) Go away. I'm on a staycation!
Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
"I thought you were hiking the Appalachian trail!"
Harol Hoffman-Meisner, Greensboro
No, you're not in China.
Ken Layton, Carthage
Sorry, but this is the 52nd floor.
Ken Layton, Carthage
1. No, I'm not Chinese!
2. Get right down here and clean this mess up
3. I don't speak Chinese!
Nancy Nelson
I think I want that ceiling fan about three feet closer to the window.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
They never lock the doors here.
Madi King, 11, Carthage
I said left at cell block 9, not right.
Pam Hart, Siler City
"Dude...You just blew my mind!"
"Woah...I'm Diggin' What You're Doin'"
"Sorry man...he just left..."
"Are you the guy who's gonna fix my floor?"
"It's about time you got here...I've fallen in this thing twice already!"
"So much for your 'Wishing Well' idea..."
"You really should've called first..."
"I thought you were going out for a shovel..."
"The warden called...he's a little ticked about his vegetable garden..."
"Looks like I picked the wrong day to give up 'shrooms..."
"Then he says, 'What a way for a Duck to travel...underground...'"
"You're right...this isn't Pismo Beach..."
"No man...what you want to do is go down two more cells and hang a left..."
"Cool...a swimming pool AND a skylight!"
"OK...I know this one is for the toilet but what's THAT one for?!?!?
"Let me guess...forgot the map huh???
"Dude...you've got a TWIN BROTHER and he went THAT way!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Haven't you heard, the sky is falling ?
I told you my gutters didn't need cleaning !
Welcome to China !
Wish you'd call before just dropping in !
Hey ! Get out here ! This is a solitary confinement unit !
What do you mean getting dirt on my floor ?
What are you hanging around here for ?
Don't you know the difference in top soil and clay ?
Thanks ! Now my roof leaks !
Everyone else is trying to break out !
Let the sun shine in !
If it was up to me, I'd have you arrested !
You trying to worm into my game of solitaire ?
This is a clear case of breaking & entering !
You got dirt all over my bed !
Can you hang ten from there ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
1.) I'm starting to see a downside to you installing a potty hole.
2.) Do you realize how hard that's gonna be to spackle over?
3.)There goes my security deposit.
4.) Listen pal,you're gonna have to find another place to go to the bathroom
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
I would have dug farther, but I think I ran into Jimmy Hoffa.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Clean-up on Cell 7!!!
This is the deluxe suite -- can't you tell?
Great -- that's exactly where I want the chandelier.
No, you're not invited down for whine and cheese.
You didn't read the back of the door -- you're supposed to throw it out the window.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
Oh alright! I guess I have nothing better to do so tell me aaaaaall about Jehovah and these witnesses!
Dean Tribbett, Va Beach
I'm hoping that someday they'll finish installing the toilet.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
I've seen Mythbusters too, but using salsa or dental floss just seems too darned slow.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
No, I don't have any Grey Poupon!
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach
1.)We really need to talk about this new bathroom hole idea of yours.
2.) The party starts at nine. Bring your own gruel.
3.) Hey,aren't you Gary Larson?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro
Are you sure you used to be an interior decorator?
Tim Tribbett
"You were right. A skylight gives the room that needed pizzazz."
"You must be that embezzling flamenco dancer!"
Oh, great. There goes "ceiling-tile-counting Tuesdays"!
"Thanks, but just got my 401K update. Think I'll stay here."
Kevin Little
Are you from Papa John's?
Are you breaking in or out?
Ronnie Seagraves
"No, no, ya shoulda turned left at cellblock 13.
Jim Pitcher, Greensboro
When I said dig in, I was talking about lunch !
Finally ! Things are looking up !
Are you in or out ?
Yes ! I'll fly away !
You pull me up, or I'll pull you down !
Up ! Up ! ... and Away !
I always heard you were guilty of High Crimes !
You know they will call this a Highjacking !
Haven't you heard, white men can't jump !
You come down and I'll climb up on your shoulders !
Who you think I am, Michael Jordan ?
Let me get my Air Jordan's on !
Are you the ceiling fan delivery man ?
When you've hit bottom, there's no way to go but up !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I sure hope you brought Rapunzel with you !
Now we'll see if those levitation lessons work !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Tell everyone to hold on a bit, Jim's in the hole right now and he's got a bad case of gas.
Don't know why everone is in such a hurry to get out. They know we're in Iran.
Les Thomas
Repugnantzel,repugnantzel, let down your beard.
2.) You don't look anything like your secret tapping sounds.
3.)Sooooo,you're the one who's been stealing my filth.
4.) Oh for Petes sake! I just vacuumed in here.
4.) Do I need to bring a jacket?
5.) But escaping would break my perfect attendance record!
6.) I'm not leaving this mess for someone else to clean up.
7.)You go. I've only got 75 years left.
8.)That was some pretty impressive gnawing!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
You're telling me we just spent a year busting into a torture chamber?
Tim Tribbett
Bad news, This is the basement
No, this is not China
If I would have known you were coming, I would have cleaned up the place!
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro
"Sorry, you'll have to go to Raleigh to find democrats"
Jonathan Sparrow-Greensboro
1) Guess you wish you had ask directions now?
2) Hope you weren't digging a latrine!
3) Now that we've met, I'd like to talk to you about all the late night noise.
4) Bet you feel stupid.
5) The look on your face is priceless.
6) No, you can't borrow a cup of sugar.
7) Sucks living on the second floor doesn't it?
8) Now that you mention it, I do mind!
9) Yes, I have heard of AMWAY.
10) You are going to make for one ugly chandelier
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
Your floor is my ceiling, Dumbie !
Fail to plan, plan to fail !
Is this a hole up ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I'm putting in a Jacuzzi.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Don't you find it odd that Superman would catch criminals while wearing an "S" cape?
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Is this your idea of a hole-up?
I heard you were a member of a hole-up gang !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I'll say that iPhone Eject Button app is powerful! It shot you through both my floor and ceiling!
Ken Sheldon, Elon
4. Well, what took you so long!
5. Don't you have something better to do with your time!
6. I see you have too much time on your hands!
7. Thank goodness, I thought I heard a big RAT!
9. Holey Moley!
10. You have five minutes before that guard makes his rounds!
11. How am I supposed to cover this up!
12. Don't forget to cover your hole up there!
13. I told you to dig out not down! 14. RATS! 15. It's about time! (Tim, thank you again!) Things not to give a prisoner-eating utensils, how to escape books, sheafs, ropes, guns, wire, glass, poison, writing utensils, wood, soap on a rope and anything else made out of metal!
Nancy Nelson
"Talk about spitting in the wind."
"Well, you told me you'd see me on the other side."
"You should've made a left at Albuquerque."
"Who planned your escape route - Stevie Wonder?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
1. Thanks the skylight will go great with the pool.
2. The second floor isn't zoned for pools.
3. I'd say you took a wrong turn, but I'm sure you know already.
4. You're breaking in?
5. I guess you don't have the map tattoo either.
6. W.W.A.D. What would Andy do?
Eric Grimm, Greensboro
1) damn, i didnt know there was a basement.
2) dang, all that work for nothing
3) damn, i thought i was on the bottom floor
4) why are you stealing my fan?
5) im trying to get to china, is this the way?
Don Olson
Didn't you see the " NO EXIT " sign when we came in ?
Fail to plan, plan to fail !
It's a little late to be asking directions, don't you think ?
You're just digging yourself in deeper & deeper !
I always suspected you were Up to No Good !
You can stop now, you've really come to a Dead End !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
1.) Yep,they cut it just so they could hang really tall people by the ankles.
2.)Ooooh,a pinata. Where did I put that stick?
3.) Oh boy! I love whack a mole.
4.) Hey,you said you were a hot bikini model in your IMs!
5.)Yippeeeee, you're free. NOT!
6.) I warned them not to use that cheap contractor.
7.) I'm sorry you feel nauseated but please don't do that.
8.)What a coincidence. I'm a wrongly imprisoned exiled prince too.
8.) I can't believe all THAT fell out of your beard.
9.) Hey unabomber,give it a rest.
10.)I guess it's hard to quit being the unabomber cold turkey.
11.) I see you tried the bean burritos for lunch.
13.) We can cover it with a Rita Hayworth poster.
14.) Come on down.Maybe you can convince the guard I'm innocent.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
"Michael Jackson passed away? Who's he?"
"They don't call this joint the Hotel California for nothing!!"
"I'll pass. I get paroled in 20 years!"
"Gee, I wasn't expecting a visitor!"
"I warned you about doing the Bristol Stomp!"
"Stupid, the plan is for a break OUT!"
"You misread the map, Turn it!"
"I don't care if your toilet is plugged. This is awful!"
"Hi, good-looking, come visit for a spell!"
"The guys in cell block C are doing the Thriller routine. Interested!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Carption for cartoon: "Bernie?"
James Hicks
1. “Welcome to China.”
2. “I’m in for killing a guy who broke into my house.”
3. “You might not know much about digging tunnels, but you’re about to learn a thing or two about psychopaths.”
4. “Weren’t you my lawyer?”
5. “Do you know you can save money on your car insurance by switching to Cellco?”
6. “Are you here to install my chandelier?”
7. “You got change for a dollar?”
8. “You can’t just drop-in on someone. I might have been on vacation.”
9. “Look what you’ve done! I’ll be tracking dirt everywhere.”
10. “Sorry dude, I was practicing my Queixada kick.”
11. “Hey! I just got done cleaning.”
12. “You’re a regular Steve McQueen.”
13. “Great! They finally installed a ceiling fan.”
14. “What does someone have to do to get a little solitude around here?”
15. “Mind giving me a hand? My feet are glued to the ceiling.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
It's amazing! Come see what I mean!
It's the darndest thing I've ever seen!
Ten feet down! It's no lie!
There's a tunnel dug by
Colonel Hogan from Stalag 13!
A couple years ago, it was just I-85. Last year, it was I-85 and I-40 with a little bit of I-73 . Now it's just I-85 and I-73. No wonder the GPS exploded.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
Your lack of a sense of direction is what landed you here in the first place!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
I always wanted a skylight
This is your first time isn't it
Great ... I have a gopher for an upstairs neighbor.
There's no buried treasure here ...
I hope you're going to fix that ...
The warden frowns on 'Jail Cell Make-overs.'
Jon Barsanti, Jr, Hillsborough
1. Hello, you won an all expenses paid vacation to jail!
2. Hello, you're an idiot.
3. Don't look now, but you're about to be strip searched.
4. Just what I wanted-a loser.
5. Hello Delivery, I hope you have change for a dollar.
6. Christmas already?
7. Mother said you'd met me here.
8. Did you bring the money we stole?
9. Hold on, wait til I get dressed, we'll leave together.
10. Your late. Liar, liar pants on fire.
Jay Rotberg
They said you were headstrong.
2.)The ol' torture chamber getting a little rough up there?
Tim Tribbett
"So then Michael goes to Vegas and learns that Lacy's baby is not his."
"Batman?"
Joel Tuggle. Archdale
16. Guard, guard!
17. I'm snitching on you!
Nancy Nelson
I can't just leave this mess for someone else to clean up.
2.) Should I leave a note telling them where we've gone?
Tim Tribbett
Wave your arms around in circles and the guard will think I have a ceiling fan.
Oh, he's 3 cells down on the right.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
1) "So you're saying no to my Skylight ? "
2) "Calm down ! Obama's closing this place in a year. "
3) "Didn't you get enough water-boarding ? "
4) "Madoff's crying already getting on your nerves ? "
5) "I bet you five smokes Tribbett or Mannary does a left turn at Albuquerque joke . "
Joel Clark, Greensboro
“You tasted the soup, didn't ya?"
Ciara Tolbert, Nathanael Greene Elementary, Age 10, Julian
I heard they got Rickard for impersonating a cartoonist.
Give me your cell number and I?ll text you the escape plan.
Got any extra teeth whitener?
I saw where you were looking for a cell mate on match.con.
The elevator?s broke and I?ve got to get to bingo night.
You must be the one they got for careless and reckless bungee jumping.
Gray Amick, Cell Block H, Greensboro
1. Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?
Eric Grimm, Greensboro
"Don't you know you on the tenth floor!"
"You got cable up there?"
" I can see why you are in jail."
" Were'nt you on that, stupid robbery video."
" Going somewhere?"
"You got nine more floors to go."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville
11. No, this is not Costco, that would be a left turn off of Wendover Ave.
Jay Rotberg
Not tonight I have a headache!
2. This an invasion of my privacy!
Nancy Nelson
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