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The Joke's On You

THIS WEEK'S CARTOON 061209

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

For those of you who read this in the newspaper only, here’s the “Best Inside Joke” from the blog (where the art is in color): I was just thinking how many color jokes are going to flop because the newspaper prints us in black and white… Ken Sheldon, Elon

Ken, as usual, is also headlining this week’s poetry corner on the blog with his usual inspired prose. Joining him are guests Bob and Nancy. Following the poetry readings, there will wine and cheese served on the veranda.

LAST WEEK’S CARTOON

WINNER

It's been a tough day, I've been bouncing off the walls all day!

Ronnie Seagraves Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP

"I’m afraid our kids will be checkered"

"Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

It’ll never work between us. Not only am I a strip but I’m also an even.

Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, Fl.

My best advice is, try to hang out with #8!

Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

I'm suppose to kiss you into the side pocket!

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"That cue ball is awfully pushy!"

D.E. Davis, Greensboro

"I was hoping I'd catch up with you after the break!"

John Koppel, Greensboro

"Uh..you got a little blue smudge on your cheek...right there..."

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

JR. CATEGORY WINNER

"Most people wouldn't consider billiards a barbaric sport but...."

Anderson Ragan, 12, Caldwell Academy

PSYCHIC ENTRIES (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)

Well, either it’s snowing down at WGHP or we forgot to get that converter box.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

"You had me at hello."

CC Cockerham, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE

No, the cartoon a few weeks ago was about spiders, not Jeanette Lee.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

That stupid 8 ball can't give a straight answer.It's always reply hazy or ask again.

Tim Tribbett

The Clampetts' think the pool table is a fancy place to eat!

Nancy Nelson

“Trouble, here in River City?”

Chuck Norton, Reidsville

BEST/WORST PUN

Am I der sechs ball? NEIN!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Yeah,I think I know how you felt.

Tim Tribbett

You're cueless!

Nancy Nelson

BEST INSIDE JOKE

I was just thinking how many color jokes are going to flop because the newspaper prints us in black and white…

Ken Sheldon, Elon

#6 ball to #3 "Hey Tim, I'm really behind the 8 Ball. I haven't seen the caption contest in weeks."

Marcia Minsky

The GREAT #8 and Communications Officer

for the OBRFC (Official Brewster Rockit Fan Club)

MATURE

I wish you were a "9" ball
Micah Massei, Greensboro

"I wouldn't take the term 'Low Balls' as an insult..."

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"I know...in any other situation 'Ball In Hand' would be considered a Good thing..."

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Well...the tighter the pocket the better I always say..."

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"I'd quit making any more 'Blue Ball' jokes at Number 2's expense if I were you..."

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

BEST POEM

Sue’s a billiard nut. It’s understood.

All her gear is kept just like it should.

Every bridge, cue and ball’s

Neatly stored on the wall

In a case of the finest of wood.

But the neighborhood carpenter Zach

Said, “I went there a week or two back.

When I looked ‘round the place,

I got slapped in the face

When I told her she had a nice rack.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

There once were two balls on a table...

with four legs underneath they were stable...

and right there on cue...

they knew what to do...

this must be a new Jokes On You!

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

There once were two balls and a stick..

Who liked to play games and do tricks...

With a tip that was blue...

They knew what to do...

and I know what you're thinking...YOU'RE SICK!!

Her rack is stacked

She sure is a looker

But she's a hustler

and we have been snookered!

Nancy Nelson

OTHER CAPTION VOTE GETTERS

“Maybe if we gave the white ball a number, he wouldn’t be so mad.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Don't look now, but I think that white dude is stalking us !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

What do you mean I have a yellow streak?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

"On my cue, make a break for it."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

That cue ball’s so lucky. He gets all the breaks.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"Hey, it's you! What a lucky break!"
Kevin Little

THE REST

"I'm closer behind the Eight Ball than you are"

Ted Eng, Greensboro

Who called this meeting?

2.) Yours is 3.What's mine?

3.) It goodly thing dey puts IQ on sides so we knows who's smartlier.

4.)Sorry about that but someone keeps pushing me.

5.) More like Minnesota farts if you ask me.

6.) I propose a truce.

7.)Pardon me but I think he's trying to ram me into that hole behind you.

8.) Yeah,I was wearing shorts and a hat at the beach.How did you know?

9.) I think we're starting to get as bald as you know who.

10.) I know my line but what's my cue?

11.)Who's the pushy guy with the stick?

12.) I'm twice the pool ball you'll ever be.

13.) Just keep your eyes closed and your mouth shut and you'll be OK.

14.) Yeah, you do have a piece of felt in your eye.

15.) You're very odd. 16.) Was it something we said??

17.) If we put our heads together we'll be ok.

18.) Good grief! That's a rough way to wake up from a nap.

19.) I'm reading the best pocket book right now.

20.)Maybe it's in your other pocket.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Yeah,I think I know how you felt.

Tim Tribbett

1. "The doc says I've got chalk allergies!"

2. "I've been behind the eight ball all day at work!"

3. "That cue ball is awfully pushy!"

D.E. Davis, Greensboro

"How come my face is right-side up when my number is upside down?"

J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

That white ball must be a terrible actor. He always needs to be cued.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

If you land behind the eightball, you'd better be careful.

Ken Layton, Carthage

If you see the cue ball coming, get out of the way quickly!

Ken Layton, Carthage

"I may have a stripe, but you my friend are the odd ball"

Ken Miller, Jamestown

No, the cartoon a few weeks ago was about spiders, not Jeanette Lee.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

When I give you an order, you will obey it! I'm the one with the stripes!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Remember ! Brighten The Corner Where You Are !

Wish you'd stop singing " Brighten The Corner Where You Are. "

I'm glad you're in my corner !

You're always a 10 in my eyes !

What's that round blue spot on you're right cheek ?

I told you not to get behind the eight ball !

In our next life, I hope we are bowling balls !

I've got you in my pocket now !

Together we're almost a Ten !

Nine's on the way !

I perfer my strip suit to you solid !

Let's go for a Roll !

I could have won if You ( No. 3 ) hadn't bumped me !

But I fell for you !

I didn't mean to fall for you, I just wanted to kiss you in the corner !

Whitie is a real bully !

There's a new Intimidator rolling around with no number !

Summer time is pool time !

It's hot in here ! Let's go to the Pool !

Time to hit the rack !

It's all downhill from here !

Together Again !

We really should table our differences for now !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Do you know if que ball headed for the corner pocket?

anyone seen 8 ball?

hello, Que balls bar 8 ball speaking..

Paul Seagraves, Graham

"Just where do you get off dissing me like that? I have you know I'm twice the ball you are!"

Kay Watterson, Browns Summit

You say you're seeing double?

Andrea Bush,Greensboro

I heard they're gonna build that new pool hall at the coliseum.

So how many of us would fit in a half-eaten watermelon?

He's had one too many if he thinks he'll knock down pins with us.

I'm not in anyone's pocket ... that was just campaign rhetoric.

When he yells "cue 'em up" I always think of a pig-pickin'.

I'm about tired of being jammed into that triangle thingy.

It's no fun getting poked in the . . . eye.

I don't like being behind the eight ball.

All of us are as slick as a billiard ball.

Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I hate to tell you this, but stripes are preferred 2 to 1."

"It's not 'Stars and Solids Forever'!!"

"Is that your age or your IQ?!!"

"How do we keep his hand out of our pocket?!!"

"Can you believe they've got me upside down?!"

"Get ready! I feel a combination coming!!"

"How'd you wind up here?!!"

"The side pocket is my favorite!"

"You know anything about this queue ball."

"You look a little dazed! Are you OK?!!"

"Let's get rollin', Buddy!"

"How's the 4 ball doing?"

"Where were you during the break?"

"I was hoping I'd catch up with you after the break!"

John Koppel, Greensboro

You are such an odd ball!

Pam Hart, Siler City

"He's an emotional player. We call him 'Scratch and Sniff'."

"What a world. He drinks all the beer and we get the headaches!"

"Hey----would you mind if I bounced someone off you?"

Kevin Little

"To get that cute cue ball to hit on me I painted on white stipes and it doubled my chances!"

Mary Breth, Jamestown

1.) You really need to start wearing sunscreen.

2.)That stupid 8 ball can't give a straight answer.It's always reply hazy or ask again.

Tim Tribbett

1.) Pale face ball says he'll give you beads if you move off table.

2.) I'll be feeling that tomorrow I bet.

Tim Tribbett

You've never been high?!

Felix Martinez, Greensboro

What do you mean I have a yellow streak?

J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

I asked eight for his share of the rent and he said reply hazy,try again later.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Hey, Minnesota Fats. Don't you just hate Karma?"

"Hey, it's you! What a lucky break!"

Kevin Little

"If we are lucky sweetie, we may end up in the same pocket".

Stan Ballenger, Greensboro

"Cheating doesn't count if she's a tennis ball."

Micah Massei, Greensboro

1) I wish you were a "9" ball

2) Son, you can play but make sure your home in the corner pocket for dinner @ 6pm

Micah Massei, Greensboro

1.) No.no I'm sure it's a nine.

2.) Can you do me a solid?

3.) Fancy bumping into you here.

4.) When's our next break?

5.) I hear you like to pick pockets.

6.) I'm no pick pocket.They're all good.

7.) I think I have a concussion.

8.) He just put Frank's eye out with that thing.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I'll meet you in the corner around eight.

Adamarie Dundon, Summerfield

Let's Roll !

I'm twice as good as you !

Pray you never get put in the golf bag by mistake like I did !

I'm suppose to kiss you into the side pocket !

I'm banking on you !

Do you understand english ?

The guy playing today taught me English !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1. Col. Mustard will do us in the Billiards room with the cue stick!

2. They're about to stick it to us.

3. You don't have a cue do you?

4. You're cueless! 5. Hide behind the eight ball!

6. Watch out, I see the triangle coming!

7. He's a hustler! 8. Did they say her rack was stacked?!

9. We're about to get racked!

Nancy Nelson

"Do you think im wearing to much chalk?"

"Does yellow make me look fat?"

"You see I was originaly a power ball contestant"

"You know if you roll on your side you are an m"

Kristyn Carter Reidsville

"But you are an odd ball."

Zha-K

“Number 7 is behind the 8 Ball again.”

Chuck Norton, Reidsville

Hey Kate, some idiot wants to put you,me and #8 on a reality show.

Tim Tribbett

1. "Watch out, this guy will break bad on you!"

2. "You've got a lot on the ball!"

3. "Babe, we are lined up perfectly for a kiss."

4. "When that white ball comes by, lets paint a number on it and confuse everyone."

5. "His stance reminds me, I have a colonoscopy next Thursday."

6. "His shots are like radar guns, fast and accurate."

7. "He's so green and stinky at pool, his own momma calls him Shrek!"

Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

10. What do you mean I'm yellow?!

11. Just roll over!

12. Don't roll over on me!

13. We've been snookered!

14. When you get hit, just roll in one of those pockets and you'll be safe!

15. When he said it's pool time, I thought he meant he was going for a swim!

16. Don't get snookered!

17. The Clampetts' think the pool table is a fancy place to eat!

Nancy Nelson

“Trouble, here in River City?”

“Gee, if you had lips I’d smack you.”

“Number 2 always has the blues.”

“I passed the bar.”

Chuck Norton, Reidsville

My dad was a cue ball and my mom was a seven ball.

Don Rankin, Greensboro

“Here comes Tim again walking softly with that big stick.”

“I’m missing my bar tonight.”

“I haven’t a cue.”

“I missed the bar.”

“I’m one of the best, bar none.”

“I’m missing something? I haven’t a cue.”

“Do I look six to you?”

Chuck Norton, Reidsville

"Nine accused me of ID theft!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

“My world is really upside-down.”

“I caught you blushing again.”

“You got to do something for those felt burns.”

Chuck Norton, Reidsville

Want'a Rack & Roll with Me Tonight ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

The others think I'm worth more when I stand on my head. What do you think?

I hear you're the brain of the bunch because you're so well red.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Funny, isn't it, how we keep bumping into each other ?

Don't look now, but I think that white dude is stalking us !

Call 911 ! That white dude is a clear case of hit-and-run !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Go ask the 8-ball. He knows all the answers.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

That cue ball's so lucky. He gets all the breaks.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

I wanted the part of Robin hood but they gave me Friar tuck.

2.) Yeah, that's a bad rash.I think you're allergic to felt..

3.) I'm a solid too.That guy goes overboard with the chalk.

4.)Careful of the side pocket.There's a fire in the hole.

5.) Yeah, that's a bad rash.I think you have a case of felt face.

Tim Tribbett,greensboro

What ever you do, don't turn your back on the white guy!

Dean Tribbett, Va Beach VA

The Cue ball is a control freak

Ralph Rossi, Greensboro

1. "I'm into Knock and Roll, and you?"

2. "This guy scratches so much, we gave him flea powder as a joke."

Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

Ah bith muh tongueth.

2.) Five is crying. There's NO crying in pool!

3.) He called three in the side pocket. Do me proud son.

4.) Eight really goes overboard with her mascara.

5.) I think that #5 is on the juice.He looks like a croquet ball.

6.) Both these guys suck,huh?

7.) I hear eight got black balled.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

...then this white ball came out of nowhere and sent me flying!

Yeah! I saw #2 yesterday!

Hey! Where did all of our friends go?

Watch out dude! That white ball comes out of no where!

My best advice is, try to hang out with #8!

Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

This is all just all game to you isn't it?

Tim Tribbett

I was just thinking how many color jokes are going to flop because the newspaper prints us in black and white...

Ken Sheldon, Elon

That dog in the suit? He used to play poker until his boss caught him trying to call in sick.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Am I der sechs ball? NEIN!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

It'll never work between us. Not only am I a strip but I'm also an even.

Watch out for the one without a number. He's always sneaking up on ya.

Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, F.

1. “There’s a giant cue stick behind me, isn’t there.”

2. “You’re an odd ball.”

3. “That was embarrassing. Next time we make a break for it lets all decide where we’re going.”

4. “If we stick together, we can retire in a couple of years.”

5. “Maybe if we gave the white ball a number, he wouldn’t be so mad.”

6. “If you haven’t been cheating on me, then why’s that chalk on your face?”

7. “Let’s try to move closer to the eight ball. They seem to be leaving him alone.”

8. “Something doesn’t add up, I thought we were a perfect 10.”

9. “How about a little personal space.”

10. “Got an aspirin?”

11. “Don’t look now, but the cue ball is right behind you.”

12. “Why are we always knocking heads?”

13. “I’d stay away from the cue ball, he’s always scratching himself.”

14. “Oh no! He just called the same trick shot that launched you into the fish tank last time.”

Tom Norman, Greensboro

"You're only half the ball I am."

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Have you seen my wife? She was waiting by the corner pocket.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"You're only 3. In another 6 years you'll earn your stripes."

"Sigh... Looks like I'm still behind the 8 ball."

"Don't take it personally, there will always be someone trying to break us up."

"I know you're solid, but with the economy the way it is, I am going to have to let you go."

"How do you think I'd look with a toupee?"

Mike. Creech, Springboro, OH

"On my cue, make a break for it."

"I've got an itch that can't be scratched."

"If I'm going down, I'm taking Whitey with me."

"What do you mean that guy just picked your pocket?"

"Why does the felt always look greener over there?"

"I come up for parole in three months."

"You know, I think that Rogaine is starting to work."

Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"I afraid our kids will be checkered"

"Nice bumping into you again!"

"You game for a roll in the pocket!"

"Yea, that 8 ball is a bete noire!"

"The baldness is a stripes trait!"

"You're odd. It will never work!"

Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"We got to stop meeting like this."

"You like my bald head."

"I'm going to jump the table and roll for it."

"Ball #2 got bad body odors."

"Watch out for the Bermuda Triangle."

"That Tiger Wood boy sure knows how to make the ball spin backward"(Tiger playing a round of pool.)

"One time in the corner and meet you back at the same old spot."

"Poking is the only thing they know around here."

James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

One day you're a 3, next day a w, next day a m, make up your mind.

I not sure who I am, a 6 or 9, or 69!

It's been a tough day, I've been bouncing off the walls all day!

Ronnie Seagraves Greensboro

1.)Why do our get togethers always break up into little cliques?

2.)Why do our get togethers always break up into little groups

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Watch out for the solid White one. He'll slam into you for no good reason."

"Brace yourself...I just heard someone say '3-ball--corner pocket'."

"I just got hit so hard that my nine is now upside down."

"Relax. Being behind me is not as bad as being behind the 8-ball."

Brent Wooten, Thomasville

I?m glad this pool is desegregated.

Solids and stripes together, I?m glad this pool is desegregated.

I think we?re both sick of being behind the eight ball.

Have you heard, they?re trying to link our ancestors to a cannon ball?

I get claustrophobic in that pool rack.

Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I know it's not politically correct but then the white ball hits the black ball into a hole and the game's over."

"For the last time...I'm not a 6..."

"I'm more than twice the ball you are..."

"Did you see the rack over on table 8?"

"Uh..you got a little blue smudge on your cheek...right there..."

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to clinch up tight enough to avoid serious injuries?"

"Look...you stay on your half of the table and I'll stay on mine..."

"You got any aspirin?"

"You got any aspirin? This headache is killin' me..."

"I think cue ball must have poison ivy cuz all he does is scratch."

"I don't think that's what they mean by a Sneaky Pete..."

"You guys all look the same to me..."

"I wouldn't take the term 'Low Balls' as an insult..."

"It could be worse...you could be called 'High Balls'"

"OK...it's Tim's shot...whoever gets closest to the hole without falling in wins."

"I know...in any other situation 'Ball In Hand' would be considered a Good thing..."

"Fancy running into you here..."

"OK...when Whitey gets here we Break and Run!"

"If you can ever find the 'Wobble Spot' you're one lucky ball..."

"No you idgit...a Pool Shark isn't a shark found in swimming pools..."

"Just remember...a zebra can't change HIS stripes either!"

"Well...the tighter the pocket the better I always say..."

"No...it's somebody that's really good at pool not a dirty magazine..."

"I'd quit making any more 'Blue Ball' jokes at Number 2's expense if I were you..."

"Uh...who you callin' yello'?"

Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Three, we've probably bumped into each other a hundred times on this table and I've told you and told you my name is Nine, not Six. I can't help it that my face is upside down."
D.R., Greensboro