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THIS WEEK'S CARTOON

Next week’s cartoon is a little different. We have an alligator eating ... what? That’s for you to decide. What does the box say? Is it cereal? What kind? Some kind of “helper” that would appeal to gators? Some kind of “instant” meal? Maybe a list of ingredients or nutritional info? It’s up to you.

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

By the way, the Jr. division is ages 12 and under. Please include your school.
Kudos to Tim (Tribbett) from Marsha Elam
"Tim’s caption was priceless this week. A good caption transports the reader into the cartoon. Great job!"
I thought this was a nice change-of-pace from the comments Tim usually gets from people who are tired of seeing him win.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON

WINNER
"So it smells too bad to eat. Can we market it as a roll-on?"
Rus Rilling, Madison

JR. DIVISION WINNER
"We were doing fine with that client until Sparky here had to soil their linoleum."
Anderson Ragan

RUNNERS-UP
“But Davenport, your resume stated you were housebroken.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro

“What do you mean, you ‘ate your report’?”
Michael L. Creech, Springboro, OH

“That is not why it’s called ‘Hump Day’!”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

Bad Dog!
Tony Hummel

"You assured us that you Could learn new tricks."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"The deal wasn't closed because somebody never learned how to shake!"
Kevin Little

We lawyers do not chase just any vehicle. ONLY ambulances!!!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

PSYCHIC ENTRIES (entries received before the cartoon even appeared)
"Walk, don't run."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

“Another June Bug bites the dust.”
Chuck Norton, Reidsville

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
Darrin,your mother in law is starting to get on my #$%& nerves!
Hee hee. Think “Bewitched”
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

So it was YOU who modeled for the “Two Guys Named Chris” logo!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"We're only wish that you had told us up front of your Baskerville connections."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

BEST/WORST PUN
I know how you feel. Things are ruff all over.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

“Let’s take a moment to paws and reflect…”
Chuck Norton, Reidsville

SO ENIGMATIC IT’S FUNNY
Woof, woof, woof!
Nancy Nelson

BEST INSIDE JOKE
What do you mean Dr. Tribbett’s no longer a part of our HMO?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"You can't blame it on the bear this time!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
(reference to an old JOU cartoon of people were sitting around a conference table with one guy obviously torn up by the bear also sitting at the table)

BEST POEM
Since the dog board was missing its aim,
They were looking for someone to blame
When a brown cocker spaniel
They know as Ol’ Daniel
Had lowered his head down in shame.

His confession was quite an eye-popper.
“Yes, it’s I who’s the corp’rate show stopper.
I let Yogi and Babe
Both get hired away.
Now they work for our city’s Grasshoppers.”
Ken Sheldon, Elon

MATURE
You disappoint me, I thought you had balls.
or just:
....And I thought you had balls.
Andrew Labaziewicz, Jamestown

“That is not why it’s called ‘Hump Day’!”
“When I said you needed to get a leg up in this company, I didn’t mean that!”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

OTHER TOP CAPTIONS
You said you were housebroken on your resume!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

All those in favor of calling Jenkins "a bad dog,a very baaaad dog" say aye.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

For that slip-up, you are no longer allowed to use the executive hydrant!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

"No quarterly report, unless Jenkins here is no longer sticking to his story that his owner ate it."
Kevin Little

We go outside to do that!
Tony Hummel

"The economy has gone to the Dogs! This is the chance we've been waiting for".
Bob Fulle,r Greensboro

You called in sick last week, but we have pictures of you playing poker.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Bad dog! Baaaaaaad dog!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

You ruined the company and still gave yourself a 10 million snausage bonus?!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Someone hand me a rolled up newspaper!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Next time you get kennel cough please call in sick!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I'm afraid that we're putting you out to pasture, you're just not an indoor dog."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
How ‘bout, changing “putting you out to pasture” to “we’re letting you go”? Stays with the business theme

“We’ve had reports you’ve been seen with a lap dog.”
Bill Wallace, High Point

"I don't care who's in heat. Be on TIME!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

“You’ll have to excuse Max; he just reviewed his 401k9 statement.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

THE REST
You called in sick last week, but we have pictures of you playing poker.
I know how you feel. Things are ruff all over.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

1.) Bad dog! Baaaaaaad dog!
2.) No scooby snacks for you!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Why can't we makes "Dog Days" a holiday?"
Glenda Layton, Carthage

This business has gone to the dogs, and we like it like that.
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Mr. Rover has moved we vote on using our bailout money to give each of us bonuses of 1,000,000 dog treats. Do I hear a second?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

1. "Well, it smells like ...., but what about the taste,"
2. "Get your head up and act like a professional,"
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"We checked your credentials. You ain't nothing but a HOUND DOG!"
Pat Grant, High Point

1. What do you mean you were doing your business?!
2. Woof, woof, woof!
3. Shame on you, couldn't you find a tree!
4. I told them it was time for a change!
4. This business has gone to the dogs!
5. This business is being taken over by humans!
6. Dog gone it! 7. Who did this?! 8. Is it edible?
9. Sorry, It's time to downsize starting with you!
10. That isn't funny! Nancy Nelson

"Last warning, Benson. No squeaky toys at board meetings!"
"No quarterly report, unless Jenkins here is no longer sticking to his story that his owner ate it."
Kevin Little

Bad Dog!
What do you mean there are no more puperoni's?
Don't you wag that tail at me!
We go outside to do that!
I can't believe you sniffed her butt in front of all of us!
I don't care how much she meowed, you cannot eat the secretary!
What have you been rolling in?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

1.)You said you were housebroken on your resume!
2.) Looking at these sales figures I can see very little reason for tail wagging Jenkins!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

When we said we wanted Charles Barkley, we meant the basketball player, not your brother-in-law!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Why the long face, Pointer?
Just remember, it is a dog eat dog world!
Who ate the kibbles and bits?
Next time you go for a run, leave the buses alone!
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

What do you mean Dr. Tribbett's no longer a part of our HMO?
Ken Sheldon, Elon

No, no, we're going to take turns castigating you.
You have a hang-dog face, but is your tail tucked between your legs?
Give it up, Rover, we're not naming another car after you.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Everybody, were talkin bout the horrid economy"
"DONT LOOK AT ME WITH THAT FACE!!!""
Hunter Williams, age 8

You disappoint me, I thought you had balls.
....And I thought you had balls.
Andrew Labaziewicz, Jamestown

"In human years you’re over 50, with no new tricks; sooo….
"You missed five hydrants last night.
"Let’s take a moment to paws and reflect…
"No more General Motors?"
Chuck Norton, Reidsville

Well, I’ll be dog-gone.
Chuck Norton, Reidsville

What's it take to motivate you, cutting your salary & benefits to the bone ?
I'm not here to teach old dogs new tricks, You're Fired!!!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

You ain't nothin but a hound dog, cryin all the time !
I could write a song about you, cryin all the time !
You ain't never caught a rabbit, you ain't no friend of mine !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"So it smells too bad to eat. Can we market it as a roll-on?"
Rus Rilling, Madison

1.) In hindsight "puts your loved ones to sleep" was not a wise slogan for our dog bed division.
2.)What genius decided we should import chinese dog food?!
3.)Jenkins in this office we do not whine ,we do not whimper and we most certainly do not %$#& howl!
4.)All those in favor of calling Jenkins "a bad dog,a very baaaad dog" say aye.
5.)When I ask for a report on our financial status I expect more than just "ruff"!
6.) You ruined the company and still gave yourself a 10 million snausage bonus?!
6.) If I ever find out who gave me #$%& ringworm.....
7.) You're saying your boy ate your presentation?!
8.)Rex,getting a taxpayer bailout and then raising interest rates would be biting the hand that feeds you!
8.)Hmmmm,I can see how your nose got so brown.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"We were doing fine with that client until Sparky here had to soil their
linoleum."
Anderson Ragan
.:Jesus Freak:.

1.) BACON,BACON,BACON is not the solution to every problem Rusty.
2.)Someone hand me a rolled up newspaper!
3.) We lawyers do not chase just any vehicle.ONLY ambulances!!!
4.) On the bright side your imported chinese dog food did increase profits in our veterinary medical supply division.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"We didn't receive the reports because somebody chased off the mailman!"
"The deal wasn't closed because somebody never learned how to shake!"
Kevin Little

"Okay Rex, if you're finished licking yourself, can we continue with our meeting?"
"Can anyone explain the puddle on the floor?"
"Rex, your sales are way down. I think you've been dogging it."
"What do you mean, you 'ate your report'?"
Michael L. Creech, Springboro

"The economy has gone to the Dogs! This is the chance we've been waiting for".
Bob Fuller, Greensboro

Why the long face Stanley?
Look Stanley, you're taking this sniffing thing to far!
When you raise your leg you don't kick the hydrant
As alpha dog on your block, you have to use the hydrant on your street
You're alpha dog, not top dog
At one time or the other, you've marked all our hydrants
What gives you the right to mark every hydrant in the city?
You must drink a lot of tea to mark that many hydrants
You're man's best friend, not ours
You've been wagging your tongue, not your tail
When you catch the car, you can't drive it
One more comment like that and you're be in a Chinese burger
OK, who let the no no?
Ok Stanley, didn't you know we all could smell that SBD
Ronnie Seagraves, Greensboro

"Care to explain why the cat population is up 50% in your district?"
"You haven't bitten a single mailman this quarter!"
"I can't believe you sold inside information for a Scooby Snack!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"I dont care if your owner switched you to ole roy that is no excuse!"
"Why do you insist that we switch to ole roy?"
Kristyn Carter Reidsville

"Why are you promoting beggin strips, how many times have we been over this!"
Kristyn Carter, Reidsville

"It has come to our attention, Jenkins, that you've never caught a rabbit."
"Just one more mistake Parker and you'll be in the doghouse."
"Oh, so you want to play hardball, huh?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1.) I can't believe you did that on my graph easel!
2.) Next time you get kennel cough please call in sick!
3.)Of course the company is going to the dogs you idiot!
4.)Yes,it's a dog whistle and we can all hear it so please calm down!
5.) Someone here has been marking my parking spot!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Dag, I didn't know dogs could talk!
When I said more business I didn't mean on the front lawn
When you walk at lunch time, take this bag with you
Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to the new top dog
It has come to our attention that you are no ones best friend!
We hear you've been dating a cat, what's up with that?
You're suppose to chase your own tail!
Ronnie Seagraves

11. What do you mean, it's none of my business!
12. Sniff all you want, it's our newest technology, Odorless Doggie Do!
13. I hope you brought enough to share! 14. Is that Pup-peroni I smell?!
15. I bark out all the orders around here! 16. If you want that, you have to sit up and beg!
17. No, my bark isn't worse that my bite! 18. So bite me! 19. I know it' a Dog Eat Dog World but where's Old Yellow!
20. I know it's a Dog Eat Dog World but who ate Lassie!
21. Our production is down and our product stinks!
22. You ain't nothing but a hound dog!
23. Arf, Arf, Arf! 24. If that's what I think it is, you're a dead dog! 25. It's a Begging Ball!
Nancy Nelson

"Our policy is we ride, NOT chase, the company limo!"
"We all clean up our own mess!"
"The Milk Bones were for all!"
"Howling at the moon after the company dinner was a "bad dog" thing!"
"We just don't lick ourselves in public!"
"Your paw prints are all over this pouchie scheme!!"
"Hunting seasons is no excuse for poor sales!"
"We allow one day off, NOT eight, for birthday!"
"You ate ALL your dog food sample kits?!"
"Peu! What did you eat?!"
"Forget her. She's a kennel wrecker!"
"Until we see improvement, there will be a tight lease on you!"
"I don't care who's in heat. Be on TIME!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Personally, I think your statement is too dogmatic and I believe you are barking up the wrong tree"
Hilary England, High point

"Will you kindly stop hounding us with your stupid ideas"
John England, High Point

"Harrison, noisy humans keeping you up at night is no excuse for sleeping during this meeting."
Marcia James, Jamestown

"Harrison, noisy humans keeping you awake last night is no excuse for sleeping on the job."
"Harrison, noisy humans keeping you awake last night is no excuse." (shorter)
"Harrison, humans keeping you awake last night is no excuse." (even shorter!)
Marcia James, Jamestown

1. "Don't give me that hang-dog look!"
2. "I know you're secretly wagging your tail under this table!"
3. "Now do you understand why I told you not to invest everything with Madoff?"
4. "That sad-eyed puppy look is not helping you Warren."
5. "I said, "Think outside the box.", NOT wink at Misty Fox!"
6. "Rex, We are not here to discuss Boneuses!"
7. "We advocate teamwork and will not tolerate "dog eat dog"."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Who left the puddle under the table?"
George Cornett, Greensboro

No, Bowser! Bad CFO!
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

"That is not why it's called 'Hump Day'!"
"When I said you needed to get a leg up in this company, I didn't mean that!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

I see one holdout, but the majority rules -- it's cat food for lunch!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

For that slip-up, you are no longer allowed to use the executive hydrant!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

Don't you have a dog in this fight ?
Will your performance improve with the dog days of summer ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Doggone it, Hound Dog ! Stop cryin all the time !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Smith, I'm giving you Jones' accounts so you'll have to re-mark your territory."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Well, it looks like management bonuses will be substan.......WHO's making that thumping sound?
Dean Tribbett, VA Beach, VA

1. "We are never going to finish this meeting if you don't control those whimpering outbursts!"
2. "Okay, who scattered flea eggs in the VP's office?"
3. "So, who wrote "Dogs Drool Cats Rule" in the mens room?" (reference to the movie "Homeward Bound")
4. "Thanks to Wally, we have a new policy to review called, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you."
5. "Dog-gone-it Mitchell, pay attention!" (I kinda like this one...short and sweet)
6. "Wilbur, congratulations for keeping your nose to the wheel, your tail held high, and fetching us such high profits."
7. "Well, the cat's out of the bag now, isn't it mister?"
8. "Mr. Waggles! We do NOT sit up and beg!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

Yes, Yogi, I know everyone does it. Just not in center field.
Ken Sheldon, Elon

1.)Your idea should have been bring your daughter AND a pooper scooper to work day!
2.) Somebody get a pooper scooper and a plastic bag!
Tim Tribbett.Greensboro

So it was YOU who modeled for the "Two Guys Named Chris" logo!
Ken Sheldon, Elon

26. Every dog has its day!
27. I'm putting you in the dog house!
28. You look dog tired.
29. I'm the top dog around here!
30. Go see a man about a dog! ( Tim, hope you know this one.)
Nancy Nelson

This is why it's called a dog-eat-dog business !
Hotdog ! You're fired & I'm giving myself a raise !
No ! You can't take a hydrant break !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I've passed out the new assignments so everyone please mark your territories.
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1. We’ve decided to outsource your job. Lying around, chewing shoes, and napping will now be handled by a vendor.
2. Rough poker night?
3. Pull yourself together, we don’t rub bellies abound here.
4. You’ll have to excuse Max; he just reviewed his 401k9 statement.
5. Don’t be ashamed, brownnosing is sort of par for the course around here.
6. Which dog dragged you in?
7. Who let you out last night?
Tom Normanm, Greensboro

1. "Jim, you're relationship with Toto is not going to help you here at Warner Brothers."
2. "Woof woof yap woof yap growl!"
3. "You can't blame it on the bear this time!"
I guess that's all. I've had a "howling" good time. (I know, corny.)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1.)Darrin,your mother in law is starting to get on my #$%& nerves!
2.) When I said we needed to mark out new sales territory I didn't mean THAT WAY!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Looks like we're going to call Cesar Millan in on this meeting
Gentledogs, I'd like to introduce you to Cesar Millan
Stanley, I have scheduled a meeting with Cesar Millan for you
Ronnie Seagraves Greensboro

"When I said 'Dog-Eat-Dog' I didn't mean literally!!"
David Holley, Greensboro

Your Kibbles with No Bits idea has been somewhat less than successful.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"We note you've been cryin' all the time."
"You assured us that you Could learn new tricks."
"Is it true?...you ain't nothin' but a hound dog?"
"We're only wish that you had told us up front of your Baskerville connections."
"It seems that you failed your last smelling test."
"We've arranged for you to see a therapist about your fear of foxes."
"I'm afraid that we're putting you out to pasture, you're just not an indoor dog."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

Fido, If you are going to run after cars you need to know what to do when you catch them.
Submitted by Trip Brown

"Spike - It's about your water cooler behavior"
Nancy Brown

But Davenport, your resume stated you were housebroken.
You?re the only one that voted for the sniff technique over name badges.
I?m sorry, the owner ate my homework excuse won?t cut it.?
First you shed all over the lobby and now you forget the cover sheet for
your TPS report.
Your PowerPoint presentation resembles a stupid pet trick.
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Sorry, but dogs just aren't interested in chewy toys anymore. We need to move on."
Ciara Tolbert, Nathanael Greene Elementary, Age 10, Julian

"Not only did you eat last week's chart, but the remains were found in the litterbox at Cat Corporation."
Jonathan Sparrow-Greensboro